This reminds me of a quote from my favorite show: "When you spend every day fighting a war, you learn to demonize your attackers. To you they're evil, they're... subhuman. Because if they weren't, what would that make you?"
so true. I think when someone does something our immediate response is 'what a jerk' and we stop, think about what story we are telling ourselves and change our reaction, we could all communicate better.
Brilliant! Gandhi once said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world." Once we notice what we are feeling, we can react to others in a way that makes others feel safe.
Crucial Conversations is a text that I'll be using in my leadership class. I plan on sharing this video as well. Love the story of our experience with your son. As a developmental specialist...Classic!
I watched this for a college class. This is something I try to do in my every day life, but having it articulated so well in such a relatable story is fantastic. Thank you!
good talk however one distinction I want to make is that our emotional responses are not always products of our cognition/perception. Thoughts are far more complicated than emotions and so emotions arise much faster and spontaneously. So yes the main point here is that we can manage/regulate emotions which have already arose with our cognition
Our instructor showed this clip in our Challenges of Leadership class, the story with Joseph's son really resonated with me; we need to not let our own false assumptions over-rule and take a step back to analyze the situation and not allow anger to control us and our conversations with others.
It is so frustrating growing up with two victims who constantly act as victims. Feels like my siblings and i were scapegoats to be punished rather than taught
I’m not sure I agree entirely. What if the CEO in his example is actually evil or has poor judgment or whatever character flaw? You can’t just turn a blind eye and assume the best in others because sometimes they do have the flaw or intention you suspect they do. Let me tell you the problem if the CFO continues to participate and speak up in future meetings: he basically gives the CEO a pass for talking to him like that, and normalizes that behavior. The CEO loses respect for the CFO over time, and also feels like his or her words were totally normal, and therefore may use them again in a different setting. What I’m saying is you can’t let people abuse you like that. You have to resist it.
I think he does address this - he says at 13:05 that he is not suggesting that people shouldn't hold others accountable, but rather they should hold them accountable in better and more constructive ways (as opposed to reacting with silence or violence).
