I have to say, I really have, " NO IDEA" how I came across your video, but I am "SO HAPPY" that I did. I just sat in my car, tears rolling down my face, the windows rolled down, parked in an Ace Hardware parking lot, listening, to you, Joseph. I Loved what you had to say, how you presented it, and your son's experiment! (TOTALLY ENLIGHTENING) I could relate with all of it and I am AMAZED by it. And in Awe of how much ALIKE we ALL are. it's CRAZY!!!..And Now...at 58... I am a widow and 2x divorced. I really Wished that I had seen this in my 20's or even earlier. Where would I be and how much pain could I have not created for myself and others.😢I will share this with everyone I know.. Keep up your Awesome work! and Thank you for sharing with all of us ! I really appreciate you! Jennifer 😷❤😢😮
(please thumbs up if you think this is helpful) @ 10:50 "The big idea that started to emerge from our work is that you can measure the health... of a relationship - the health of a team - even the health of an entire organization... by measuring the average lag time between identifying and discussing problems." @ 15:30 "It turns out that around the age 3 or 4 you and I start to believe that you frequently have to choose between telling the truth and keeping a friend... And that one belief causes mischief for the rest of our lives. That's the controlling assumption that dictates how we show up in interpersonal situations from that moment forward." @ 28:20 "What am I acting like I want? And what do I really want?"... "It turns out that the way you see others during those crucial moments is less a reflection of who they are and more of a reflection of what we want."
I will admit, it was part of an assignment at my career search place to watch this and I was like, 30 minutes? Come on! I cannot remember when I have enjoyed, related to and felt so refreshed from learning these new perspectives. Excellent 👍👍👍
"If you don't talk it out, then you'll act it out." Very wise words, Joseph. I just completed your Executive Briefing series and enjoyed it as well. Thank you.
This made me cry....something that should be so easy is so difficult to do...although it MUST be done as un comfortable as it is. Thank you so much for this talk.
"The best way to minimize the number of crucial conversations you have in life is to have a meaningless life." I believe that to some degree we all tend to backoff when crucial conversations start raising blocks.
@12:01 "The best way to minimize the number of crucial conversations you have in life is to have a meaningless life. As soon as you go after something important, they will occur." Pure gold! !!!
You can measure the health of a relationship by the lag time in identifying problems. The best way to minimize the number of crucial conversations is to have a meaningless life. The kids didn’t want to hurt his feelings so they lied about liking the salty brownies but wouldn’t take a second brownie. Relationships break because the lag time of feeling the problem and discussing the problem. What is the cost of silence? When your motives are bad, you can’t see people for who they are. Apologize and open the conversation for communication.
I stumbled across this video as a result of relentless googling during a crucial moment in life. What a wise and beneficial investment of time. Thank you.
really liked the idea of CPR- that stands for Content, Pattern, Relation, when the safety is at risk, step out of content, restore the safety and then step back in.
I'm not exactly sure how to express myself here, but all I know is that this is taking me on a journey to understand myself and my relationships better. Got hooked onto the book which made its way onto my bookshelves. Thank you so, so much for valuable insights and the practical examples.
These crucial conversations are related to internal sabotage in a company. People being fearful about to contribute with ideas or with warnings about risks or loses will have a huge negative impact in company revenues and costs.
Did not get to see the end of the conversation ( or the solution to a good response) between the doctor and the nurse- would like to know how your team would have handled this. Thanks for this great info!!
To sum it up, take assertive training. When I started forcing myself to stand up for me, I naturally started speaking my peace more b/c I realized the consequences are never really that bad & if they are I can handle them. Obviously I have a filter. I'm no Patrice O' Neal, but I don't hold in crucial shit.
So I had one convo come to mind that I handled poorly by partially remaining silent and being snarky. My grandmother climbed into the car after we picked her up to drive somewhere. I was breastfeeding my son who was maybe 1.5-2 years old. She was wondering what the hold up was when she noticed what I was doing and said “your still breastfeeding???? Shame on you….” Although I was fuming I immediately began to excuse her comment saying she is from another generation etc. I didn’t have anything nice to say so I didn’t say anything. Of course I gave her the cold shoulder for awhile acting out what I didn’t say. Curious to hear your thoughts on what I could have said. If I had chosen to open my mouth it probably would have went like this. “Why don’t you just mind your own business? Etc”
I was reading through the comment section and found it most concerning the nature of some of your comments. I feel compelled to say, I understand this is RU-vid and it's not your fault. It puts you in a dark headspace.
Love the content of this video, and I learned a lot. Unfortunately, I'm feeling icky at a few ways the speaker comes off. I would love him to watch the video again and think about whether using the short video with his son feels like a good choice? I kept asking myself if he himself actually made this video. It feels manipulative and inauthentically cute. What does he think about calling his wife (even momentarily) 'hideous'? Really stood out to me. If I was his wife, I'd ask him if he thinks it feels good to be called that word in such a public space, and now on the internet. What does he think about the example of Patrick through the lens of painting himself as a savior in this story, particularly hitting buttons to me of white savior complex? The world has changed in big and small ways since 2015. We're all more aware of things. This is a great idea and seems like it resonates as true. The execution feels like it needs updated and edited to resonate in 2019.
You should know how to label yourself before voicing it (points) out When the time comes you've felt your voice was being unheard, SPEAK OUT! COMMUNICATION IS VITAL TO ANY RELATIONSHIP/ORGANIZATION. I could still remember the day when my boss asked me, What is wrong with you? WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? I couldn't help to control myself from being emotional,having a teary eye WHILE SAYING A WORD, AM I BELONG TO THIS COMPANY? AM I PART OF IT? Am i Part of a team? Na explained man pud In fairness I know my Job Description!
But they were not only lied to about the brownies, they were also bribed. This almost looks like the relationship between lobbyists and politicians - feeding them lies that they know are crap, but a little payola gets the job done. I wonder how many kids at the end of this video would have taken another salt brownie if they were given another dollar.
lol this lying about the brownies. that's really American behaviour due to my experience! results would probably be different for example in Germany. Friends would laugh and say they're disgusting. Honesty is important.
I actually fundamentally disagree with sending someone off to jail who showed true remorse. You had him at complete checkmate, you could have stated almost any request. The CONSEQUENCE for him not co-operating with your request should have been jail. He should have been sent to therapy, and also helped getting a job to get him on his feet and repay the valuables lost. Punishment and imprisonment is really not the answer, until every other option has been exhausted and people's physical safety remains at imminent risk. I'm surprised Joseph absolved himself of responsibility by saying he "has to" send Patrick to jail. Patrick is most likely to conclude never to open up to old white dudes again. :)
Sincere apologies are not sufficient. Imagine your daughter was raped and the rapist shows sincere remorse. Would you ask him to seek therapy or truly believe he would need to face the consequences of his actions by spending some quality time behind bars? Judges can’t acquit criminals just because they are sorry
I agree. The content of what he's teaching was valuable and I'm not going to discredit that but I don't know how helpful his conclusion would've been to Patrick. He was obviously struggling with some sort of addiction and needed intervention. I'm not sure why people think prison is always the answer when there are options that could be explored. It's 7 years later so I'm hoping Patrick is getting the help he needs & taking the steps needed to overcome whatever demons he's battling internally.
