Cry a River, Build a Bridge and GET OVER IT! Jill Loses It! 

This is such an important message. My ex husband abanned the family before our third child was borrn. I was single parent for 18 years. My children did not ask for the situation.I wanted my children to know that they were the priorty. I never wanted them to think I chose a man over them.

My ex walked out on me when my daughter was a year old and I was 9 months pregnant with my son. Never took his stuff only his guitar, didn’t show up to his sons birth. I was so traumatized that dating didn’t even cross my mind! I’m so thankful I had my mom in that turbulent time.

I was a single mom, but I remarried a wonderful man. I was step-mom to three additional kids. He was a great step-dad to my three. God has different paths for different people. Our kids range from 41 to 23. They’re all wonderful people. They’ve had challenges as my siblings did who were raised by a widowed mom who never dated. My husband and I have been happily married for 20 years.

This video makes me feel like I'm sitting across the table of family listening to some good advice. Thanks ladies

Sorry, but I agree with Dr Laura. She thinks moms and dads who are divorced, widowed need to devote their time and energy into their children until their 18.

On Amy Maryon's channel her daughter recently married. Instead of throwing her bouquet to her bridesmaids, she gave each one a rose and told them they needed Jesus and not a man. As a single mom, I found that really profound.

My divorce was awful and I was scared to death. BUT, i'm so glad that I had the time on my own, I learned so much about myself and I learned to depend on God. If I had not had my faith, I am not sure what would have happened. I worked 2 jobs, and the only regret I have about the divorce is #1 the pain my children deal with even now. #2 why I did not leave earlier.

Yes! I am the daughter of a lesbian single mother, I loved her but she was the "my way or the highway" type. And she dated which I didn't care about. But she would bring her gfs around and would french kiss and all sorts of groping in front of me. When I would request she please not do that in front of me, she would scream at me it was her house and I could go to my room if I didn't like it. I would be chased out of my living space with no where to go, bc my mom cared more about other people than me. I was luggage from a past relationship. And the woman she was remarried because surprise she was desperate not to grow old alone. Moms new wife not only saw me as public enemy #1, even when I tried to be nice. She made my mom buy her expensive gifts and I got a care package from Walgreens one Christmas. I was crushed, and wondered what I did wrong. When my mother died, she stole and pawned everythingshe could get her hands on, including my grandmothers jewelry and my moms old wedding ring when she married my dad. Then tried to stick me with all her bills, despite getting a substantial amount of money from my mothers estate. She wanted it all, I had to use up my inheritance to fight her suing me. She came out ahead and I was left with nothing, including any money I would have used for college. The thing was I only asked for 3 things from My moms home, they were old heirlooms from my grandma and I said she could have the rest. Even that wasn't enough for her greed. To this day, I still owe bills I cannot pay. Please single women it's not bad to self care, but please put your children first!! Listen to them and value their choices when its doable. Treat them like people, not as an inconvenience, because loving family lasts way longer than anything. Till the day she passed and even this day, if I say anything negative about how I was raised I am considered a selfish person. My parents were very good ones truly, but they also could have done WAY WAY better as like these lovely ladies say "get over themselves" and put me first. I still have depression and anxiety and I dont like people very much because I feel I cant trust a lot of them. Please learn to stand on your own two feet, rescue yourselves and put your children first!

Jill is such a sweet person.

This goes for divorced and widowed single dads, too. A lot of guys go through the same emotions as women after a death or divorce.

I agree with you 100%. I also think that part of the problem is that we have not raised our girls to realize that they do not need a man to feel complete.

I agree fully with you both. The last things kid's need is to compete for their mom's attension and time. It's fulfilling knowing you are giving your best, and that they feel secure.

I was raised by a single mom that "dated" different men. We lived in a small apartment, so I saw and heard everything. You really have to be careful what you expose your children to. The sad reality is some of these men don't want the single mom, they want the children.

After being molested by a stepfather, I just couldnt chance that and my youngest daughter is special needs and would not be able to tell me. She is never alone with grandpas or uncles either. I've been married for forever but it was a decision I made early in my marriage to not risk my children in case something happened to my husband. I just couldn't.

Thank you. People don't want to hear the truth. They get their feelings hurt. If I don't want to hear what someone says, I either stop watching or stop following. I appreciate your honesty and transparency, as well as your willingness to stand for what's morally right, even if it's not popular.

Guilty. This hit home hard. Recently divorced mom of 8 who's husband abandoned us and isnt involved. I cry alot thinking i need a spouse/ helpmate. I need to readjust. Thanks!

Thank you both for this message. I have watched everyone of your videos with your mother speaking on how she raised you and your brother after her separation from your father. July 31 I moved me 7 of my 8 children (18 year old daughter is in the army) into a two bedroom apartment. Husband became someone we had no idea who he was so for safety I took my kids and left. I say this because I have learned so much about penny pinching to stretch my dollars. I also feel the same that my time right now should be devoted to my faith and raising my children. I don't have time to be lonely my youngest are 2 and 3.

yes, yes, please concentrate on your children and not dating and remarrying. . thank you both for having the conviction and courage to speak on this subject. God bless you.

I totally agree with this. My mom raised us a single mom and she always said that she needed to play the role of mom and dad so it would not be fair or possible to dilute her time by adding in a partner.

Truth hurts but it is much needed. Your very blessed to have a mother like her. I wish I would of had your mom's wisdom.

I completely agree! Single mom here of many years. All my time energy and money goes to them. Not going to last forever.

I became a single mom to a 15 year old boy in 2005 when my husband passed away. Living in a smaller city I feel lucky that I had the church family coming up beside us. My son had great male teachers at his high school as well as the counselor who paid for the shirts he needed for that school year. I was also in my last year of college. They paid my last year without paying back. We thrived with all our help. Scared but thrived. I’m still single but by choice. My kids are all in great places and very productive. They knew where to look when they needed help God was who they turned to.

This is so important. Losing a spouse shifts all the responsibility on the "single" parent and you should never have men come and go into your children's lives. They must be your focus.

I will have to say I don't agree with everything you said I was 27, my husband was 31, when we met and married my step son was 6 years old, living with an nasty, mean mother, who treated her son's father my husband with nothing but vile words, and cheated on him every chance she got in fact before we started dating he had given up finding anyone to care and love him.. We also got a paternity test just because she was a rounder loooong before I met him thankfully he was his little boy. We married and ended up getting full custody of him year later, because she beat him up over everything. If my husband, would have waited until his son, was 18 to get married my kid's would not be here and my step son, would have never known a good loving mother, and my husband, would have been a mess he needs a women, I believe you should wait a few year's before you bring in someone but not all step moms or step dad's are awful people, you need to let God, take the wheel.

I waited 13 years to remarry and it was one year after my son graduated college. None of my other single mom girlfriends have remarried and it’s been 30+ years. BTW, we were all school teachers. Now I’m a widow and alone again. It’s just life!

I love your mom. My husband wanted another woman., We divorced, he moved to Texas to avoid child support. I chose to raise my kids alone. I had many many lonely times but my children were first priority and I focused on us and guiding them with God in our lives. They grew up to be Godly jewels. I've watched other women raising children without God and they suffer when the kids are grown. One important secret to raising children alone is you must be honest with them at all times. When they have a question, answer it lovingly but honestly. Be affectionate, let them know that though you may say NO, it doesn't take away your love. Let them know you are a team and having eachothers back in this crazy world is important and expected. I have to admit I told God many times, "we're in your hands, I don't know what to do". God never let us down.

You have a sweet mother and what she said is so true, I'm a single divorced mom of many years and it WASN'T easy but Jesus have been there for me. I live for Him and wait on Him for a husband. Blessings ❤

Once again, great words of wisdom. That’s why I love this channel so much.

Amen ladies! I have seen too many people whose love life was a higher priority than their children.

I agree 100%. It been almost 14 years since my husband died. I had a wonderful man and figured if God had someone for me they could wait till my kids were grown. They have turned out happy & love God. All I could ask for. And no I'm still not interested in a new man.

I've been single since 2001. I had like 2 close boyfriends that I had to end because I did not want to get remarried. I let my husband divorce me after a year and a half because I didn't want children after all. I'm childless by choice.

This is probably the best advice you’ve ever given. Thank you for your honesty.

Thank you for your wisdom and your honesty. This is godly advice. 😊❤

Love this! You are the single mom I always look up to for advice. You’ve helped me through it all. Love You all!😘❤️Please do more single mom videos in the future.

I'm 74 and married, but through the years I have seen many more messed up families just from a woman or a man putting themself first and not taking care of their children. So sad to see the children suffer!

More, more advice ....Need more of this wise counsel. Mom and and daughter team so needed today...Love watching how you impower families single or married. Go ladies, appreciated by many❤ My favorite statement by Jill "You stop that".

I was raised by my mom. She raised 4 of us. I missed her so much. She worked hard. School and work. I made bad choices because i felt so alone. By the time my mom was able to just work. I was a hellion.Acting out. Fortunately I came to know the Lord .

Thanks for being willing to share the unpopular raw truth. I have also seen the same results, moms that have made their priority filling that relationship hole they were left with and those that focus on taking care of their kids. Those that have focused on their kids both the moms and the children are in much better places.... good counseling was a huge part in that too.

At that time growing up my parents stayed together for the sake of the children. My dad take us on vacations camp dirty cheap, because back then money was super tight. We treasured these memories with him, god bless him.

I because a single mom with 5 little boys and a little girl on the way..so divorce and 4 months pregnant live in the city Lakewood Co.I decided to move back to a small towns in Ks.. I believe going back to my roots I could raise my kids with God help and me...That was 20 years ago.I devoted my self to my kids, dating did work for me, it was about my kids and me being a 24/7 mom. Give my children value and morals. I did it. My kids are raise I'm a grandma, plus I brought my own home..Yes I'm still single and that ok..now I can say I'm set in my ways.lol..My message to any single parnet " you can do it" 😊🙏

Have you thought of discussing about how a mother makes her child a little grownup? For example: making her daughter her confidant for her problems, asking her to figure out what to do. That is very hard on a child. I feel it turns them into perfectionists and gives them WAY too much anxiety which carries on into adulthood and parenting. I would like to hear your take on that aspect of single parenting (it doesn’t even have to be a single parent, just a parent who doesn’t use the proper channels for help)

I am thrilled that someone finally told it like it is. Single parents need to stop looking for another man or woman to rescue them and make their life complete and whole. They need to focus on their kids and be a whole person on their own. Children of divorced parents need their parents. They don't need their mom or dad dragging man after man or woman after woman in and out of the house like it's a revolving door. Raise your kids and work on yourself.

I have always found that as a single person, often, being around married people made me feel worse, lonelier, left out. I always worked long hours, never had time or energy for dating.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for this video!!!! I have never been married and don’t want to be married. I spent time with God, Bible, and a few friends.

Amen I totally agree. Very dangerous to be bringing strange men around your children.

I waited a year before I dated after my divorce. I ended up with a great guy. My kids were under one though otherwise I don’t know if I ever would’ve been ready just because I would be afraid of exactly what you are talking about. I married the man I dated and we now have 7 children together. But I know it’s not always the case. Loved this video and how real you two are. Absolutely love your channel!

When you put god first all falls into place. I lost so many friends when I was a single mom because I wouldn’t go out. I didn’t really get the chance to get lonely, between work, taking care of my boys and taking care of my home I didn’t really have time for anything else. I did remarry though and it has been a blessing. My husband is the only man I dated after my divorce. Funny how it really is ultimately up to god. I wasn’t looking, he just came to me.

You both are so right. Being a single mom was so hard. I was so lonely and heartbroken it physically hurt. Without the Lords help, I wouldn’t have made it. No one will love your child as much as you do. I chose to stay single until my son was older. I dated after that but didn’t marry. I was too exhausted to date any earlier to be honest.

Thank you for the advice ladies. I wish I had that advice years ago when I got separated and divorced. I have passed this on to my daughter.

A lot of excellent wisdom. 💕

Amen! this has helped a lot, thanks for sharing all of your videos, and recipes so helpful love ya guys so upfront about things

That is some great advice!!! Thank you ladies 😁❤

I love this! Very wise women ☺️☺️thank you!

Good advice... I wish I would have known you 10 years ago cause I needed a punch in the arm. I pray that the single moms watching this will take heed of your words even of they don't have any kids at home.

Yes. It's the children who pay.

From my personal experience, being a single mom and widow at 37 with two small children, full time student to finish my degree, bam! There I was, without any income, not able to keep our home, getting a job, buying and moving into a small run down flat, fixing it up and started climbing the property ladder to where I am today, 15 years later. Still helping my kids through this Covid situation. I have dated some over the years, but the boys never knew. I rely on myself alone. If I did meet someone, I would be living apart - together. Will not rely financially on another man. I am lucky to have a job, collegues, and a group of friends. We dont meet that often, especially now, but messages on messenger, other platforms or a phone call. Get a dog!

One of the best books I’ve read on the subject of selfishness or being obsessed with self, is called You Who! Why You Matter and How to Deal With It. The author is Rachel Jankovic. Excellent book!

I have been a single mom and agree with your thoughts. I was single for 10 years and my youngest son was grown and married before I remarried. As a single woman I could tell whose marriages were good and the ones that weren’t based on how the females treated me. They felt threatened by a single woman friend. Children need time with their parents. Now I’m a grandmother of 6 grands with ages 22-10. May God bless your family.

I agree 100% with everything you have said. Divorce is hard enough on kids without bringing another man into the house. Wait until they are raised. I promise, you won’t regret it, divorced moms.

Yes! They want quantity and quality. So true.

Jill's advice for interrupting cyclic thoughts of despair is so good.

Stay safe from the fires!

I’m a divorced mother. My husband left us when my son was four months old and I got my divorce papers a month later and was the day before my mothers funeral. Life hit me hard. My ex was abusive and I suffered from him continuing to be abusive for years and years later. HOWEVER, I determined I would take the time for me to heal and to raise my son. My thought was I have a few short precious years with my son and he will be gone. I thought when he is gone I will have the rest of my life to do what ever I want to do. so I dedicated my time to raising my son. Lots to say here but to much to type. But I was involved in everything he did and while I had to work two jobs I did it in a way where my son did not know his mom to be out of the home. He loved home and like it “just being us”. We did things and did things with family and went to church. Teachers told me they would have never guessed my son came from a single parent home. “He’s so happy”. I said I may be single but I’m still a parent. His male teachers said they would be proud if he was their son. He is now grown, has a family of his own. He is successful as an RN and is a minister. Was I lonely? At times but I would not change a thing.

Great discussion ladies! I agree that kids should always be a top priority for single parents and working parents alike. It is all about quality time with kids no matter how old they are. They will remember the feeling of love and security long after they move out on their own. There is nothing wrong with having friends or hobbies or dating, especially if you have the time and the kids are spending time with the other parent. Just try to never let it seem like caring for them is putting you out from doing what you really want to do (like finding a guy). If you are stressed or sad, be honest and tell them you are having a hard time, but make sure they know it isn't their fault. It can also be hard if a parent puts so much focus on the kids that they actually feel smothered. I had the best mom in the world, but as I got older, I really wished she had other interests. The goal is to raise adults who are confident and independent.

I absolutely agree with everything you said.. I have been a widow since age 52. I am 65 years old now.

this is true. Great video, I'm sure it will help alot of people

Very good advice!!! I'm so glad you both said some things we all needed to hear, think about, and apply to in our lives! Thanks so much for sharing with us!!!

I was raised by a single Mom who dated a lot and men came through...one put his hands on me while my Mom was in the next room. She eventually got remarried. That brought an alcoholic in our house. We weren't first in her book. It was miserable to say the least. There is so much more to the story unfortunately and I hated my teenage years.

I agree with you, it is very hard to have everything to do but Children should always be a priority, I'm sure they feel that their life has broken apart. Mom needs to keep life as normal as possible.

Every single mom needs to hear this. It is ok to put your kids first after God instead of yourself, He will bring someone to you at the right time. Trust Him.

i agree! I’ve been a single mom two years now. I’m focused on raising my son. I’m so much calmer now. Sure it may get lonely. Funny how other people are anxious for me to date. No thanks.

I was a single mom, but my son was 10 months old when I became a single mom, so he didn't know his biological father. My social time was at work. I was up at 5am, had breakfast with my son, took him to daycare, went to work, picked my son up, had dinner with him, and put him to bed, then cleaned up to it all over again. I only went out on Friday/Saturday night after he was in bed if I had a friend/family who would stay over night. I ended up marrying a co-worker when my son was 7.

Please, please, PLEASE, listen to these ladies if your a single mom/dad. Your kids MUST come before dating!!! I can tell you from experience if you don’t help teach them to let The Lord meet their needs you are failing your kids, and without Gods grace this will haunt them for the rest of their lives. The Bible clearly says “train up a child” you can’t train them while your on your phone all the time. Kids are do much smarter then we give them credit for. Let them watch you allow God meet your needs physically, financially and very importantly emotionally!!! If they can learn this they will not suffer from loneliness or become desperate and settle in life. Great advice in this video!!!

Great topic that’s not discussed enough

Great video ladies. I have seen what you guys are talking about happen over and over to people. Hope the single moms that watch this really listen.

Amen Jill. I am a divorced mother of two now adult children. I would not allow myself to date while I raised my children and my daughter told me she was so grateful for that. I know so many women who bring rotating men (boyfriends) in their home. I also know how psychologically devastating this can be for the children and there is also so much possibility of physical, mental, sexual abuse on the children. As a woman it was my responsibility to raise my children, get to know myself as a single person and with my children out of the house now seek the ability of dating if I choose to do so. Thank you for bringing up this topic. I hope more women realize that they can make it on there own if need be and that a man in the house for the sake of comfort is not always the best choice.

Exactly Jill!!!

If it hasn't already been mentioned below, there's a ten year old song by Teri Clark entitled "She Didn't Have Time". Fits well with the theme of this Vlog.

I agree with you both...great job communicating about this important subject. I was divorced many years ago and never had children. I didn't seek another husband and just tried to do God's Will. I am still not married but content because God didn't send another man to me to marry.

Very sound advice.

you ladies are great,keep staying real

Great video! Good advice!

About loneliness I know. But nobody ever asks.

I'm single my hubby is incarcerated I have with my kids all the time period. Do things with kids all the time your personal time is after kids go to bed.

Yep was single mom. Divorced when daughter was two. So glad daughter is grown now. Hard life.

You are exactly right. It’s not about you anymore. You can date when the kids are grown.

Thanks for sharing!! So True!! My dear Mom went thru 3 husbands. The last one was an abusive nightmare. It still effects me even at age 55. Jesus heals and walked me through it. I am thankful for my own lovely family. God Bless you for sharing. I wish my own Mom had received this wise and True council.💕

Beautiful mother.

Praise the Lord. Keep saying it like it is sisters! You are a blessing to anyone who will listen! Kids come first. And if you are a Christian, self never comes first we call out to the Lord. Jesus is our closest and best friend. Pray and read the Word. I am married and as a believer we draw singles in to our studies and friendship. We are called to love , give and sacrifice. Bless you. Keep speaking of Jesus. I love to hear His name and His Word. Love Pam

My single mother put all her energy into dating and dangerous behaviors like being a drunk and bringing strangers to our house, exposing me and my sister when we were kids.. Now she is all alone and my sister and I have minimal contact with her.. Your advice is really good..thanks..

My daughter was 13 and my son was almost 9 when I separated from my husband. My kids thank me to this day that I never forced a "step" parent or "step" siblings on them. I was prepared when my marriage was over to devote myself to my kids until they were out of the house. It was few years of sacrifice but we have always been so close - the 3 musketeers! My kids have so much respect for me and know I am the one that has been there through it all. My sacrifices and what I've shared with them about money management, hard work, and responsibility will be with them forever! It isn't worth it! Live below your means, save as much money as possible, increase your income whenever you can, and stay close with your kids!!

Jill and Tawra, you’re are so right about single mom’s .... I got divorce at 36 and I’m going to be 61 on 10/31 and I was never desperate for dating I know I’m alone now, but my children never saw me with a man other then their father. He would picked them up every other weekend and the weekend they went with their dad I would clean the house and go to my sister’s house in the evening and I never felt lonely. And I still I don’t feel alone... I still have my children and now my grandson that’s my little sparkle and another on the way, plus I work from 7:00 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. never lonely!!! Can’t wait for retirement to enjoy my grandchildren. But now between my job and keeping my house clean and my grandson I don’t have time for anything else. At the end of life all you have is your children and grandchildren. Men comes a go, really wasn’t worth it for me. I always put my trust in God. 🤷🏼‍♀️😀

Tawra you look like your feeling better!

So true. I've heard from women, he doesn't like my kids, what should I do? And it breaks my heart that they put men before their own children.

Thank you for saying the truth. I am a Teacher with students who have step boyfriend that their mom dates and it's sad

Great advise.

My Aunt gave me some advice she said If you have to work then work while your children are little because teenagers need you more than babies. I was lucky to be a stay at home mom until I was 35 then I worked but always around school time

My mom was single for several years when I was a child. She dated several men that I can remember. None of them worked out until my step dad came in to the picture. She did pay attention to us, but I wish she’d waited a while before dating. As a blind kid, I remember not trusting all the guys. She was also told that she wasn’t allowed to work because of me, back in the 70’s. So we did see allot of her, and when our step dad finally moved in, it was a tumultuous time that I don’t regret in the long run. He had some growing up to do, but was good to us and loyal to her literally to the death. Do I wish he wasn’t my dad, nope! But do I wish we could have skipped those other men, absolutely!

I totally agree. I’m a single mom and my main focus is my daughter. Sure it gets a little lonely at times but my daughter means so much more than a little loneliness. I can date when she is grown because this is time I’ll never get back so I’m gonna make the best of it.

PREACH!