LOL that last point is a good one. The creepy gravekeeper who ominously warns you not to disturb the dead isn't there to spoil your fun, he's telling you for your own good.
I am creepy and love telling ppl what to do I'm also a pagan so I can fight ghosts if need be, I also sunburn in mere moments, only question, is it hallowed ground? That might be a deal breaker... I'm just not a fan of crosses for... reasons
@@mjcsandboxgames4021 that is besides the point lol But I can assure you it's nothing so sordid, I was merely excommunicated from the church for starting a cult to protest their treatment of religious minorities long ago, it has nothing to do with whether or not I'm undead.
I’d take the job, but only if they let me bring an old timey oil lamp with me for vibes (and to see while I’m working on cleaning the tombstones, it gets _dark_ at night after all)
The wrathful ghost appearing around me: “YOU DO NOT BELONG HERE!” Me, who’s been dealing with this everyday for the past five weeks: Yeah, yeah. Lemme just finish with your headstone and I’ll be outta your hair Susan.
@aussiemerican750 then another ghost appears "Oh shut up Susan and leave the poor kid alone. They do good work." I'm sure ghosts are just spoiling for an argument.
Im taking the job and living in house. build a shack in the corner yard. sit on the porch playin the banjo and scaring off frisky teens with nonsensical warnings and ramblings. watching free horror movies when they don't listen. life could be a dream as a madman gravekeeper hermit...
Don't forget a blunderbuss with ominous symbols carved in and telling everyone who asks about it "old Betty here keeps the dead" and not elaboration further under any circumstances.
Christianity was also about that respect for the dead. It flies over a lot of peoples heads but in the fight between David and Goliath, Goliath threatened to separate his head from his body and bury them away from each other which is a horrible threat in the context of the religion because how dare you not give a proper burial to your dead?! Even enemies deserve a respectful rest
For years I thought it was "hollowed ground" because of all the hollowed out cavities that were underground from the caskets... It wasn't until I saw it written in a book that I realized the difference - and even then my step-dad had to explain that it wasn't a typo in the book.
Only disadvantage I'm seeing is that that shit could get cold during winter, and your sleep schedule is gonna be beyond fucked up, but I'd still take that.
Ah, but imagine! With that 17k a month, you could buy costumes that match! Dark robes and leather gloves, thick clothes and a sagging hat. It's Halloween every day!
My sleep schedule is already beyond fucked up. I got ADHD and sleep til noon. My only issue is I don't trust myself to be able to clean to a high enough standard, but I'm willing to learn.
For $80/hr _I’d_ take out vengeance on behalf of the ghosts. Like, “want me to Scooby-Doo these punks? Sure, 10/10 sounds like fun; one haunting comin’ right up.” * _plays ‘It’s Terror Time Again’ in earbuds_ *
80 dollars an hour? Once I figure out the efficiency hack to make cleaning up the graveyard take less than my full shift, I'm starting a side hustle laying ghosts. "Okay, Gertrude, you're clearly pissed. What's that? Oh... killed by your kids for the money? Okay, what do we need here? You want me to track down the kids and come give you an apology or something? I'll be honest, it's been about 60 years, your kids may be dead already. Haven't seen them here. You want an apology from the grandkids? You got a charity I should tell them to donate shit to? What's helping you sleep at n-- GERTRUDE, come on, we're making progress here. Don't huck the wreath at me! I'll be sure to tell your very wealthy, very greedy offspring that you hate silk flowers when I see them."
for 200k a year I would be dressing like Death myself, anyone who will be trespassing will be met with a _very_ high-quality cloak and a custom oil lamp-looking lantern
Just to add to the "no coworkers" thing, like, *you can make friends with the ghosts* and there's _no reason not to_ so... you get all the social benefits, none of the annoyance of Greg from Accounting.
I would get the ghosts in on D&D, blow their spectral minds. Like "Okay, Lady Augustine from 1775, if you use your spectral ghost magic to pick up that blue thing there and roll it gently across the table, it'll tell you how well you pick the locks on the Lord Penwroth's bedroom." "It says Twenty." "Oh, that is the best possible roll! You manage to pick the lock so effectively, the door doesn't even make a sound upon your entry. You have free reign of your evil bethrothed's bedchambers, what acts of vengeance do you wish to partake in?" "Heavens, what am I allowed to do?" "Anything you like madame, for in this world, you are the hero."
@@jimcobbler3954 "I'm going to abscond with all of his stockings, save two. I shall cut a tiny slit in the seam of one of that pair. I shall secrete a tiny pebble in the other. Also, they shall not match."
Assuming the bodies rise with their own spirit inside them, I’d argue that if you are on good terms with the ghosts, they would probably do their best to make cleanup quick and easy after a night of crazy partying with the corpses.
@@Slayer-tc5rgYeah like... aside from maybe one last one they can surely help rebury each other? And probably one of them's an engineer willing to help you with that part too if you have a bad back
For real cemetery jobs are so hard to land because everyone wants them and no one quits, ever, you gotta wait 'till the my retire or join their clientele before there's a job opening !
As someone who was a graveyard assistant who cleaned graves when I was young (not very well, but I also took care of the flowers!) Graves also don't get dirty that fast unless they're under a tree, and depending on the place they might not even want you to remove the lichen that grows on it (some of it is honest to god an endangered species). After the first couple nights it's a genuinely very chill job aside from the ghosts. Bring a portable charger and hang out writing or something. Ask the ghosts for writing tips.
for 80 an hour i would legit make sure the graveyard STAYS haunted and that I have all the ghosts in that place on speed dial in case I deal with a particularly idiotic idiot while I'm not at work i do not care if the ghosts try and kill me every night that's just a slightly better version of working at any retail place for at least 5 times the pay gimme the spooky crypt keeper job
Y'all talking about being the Crazy Old Hermit Who Gives Ominous Warnings (trademark) but I wanna be the guy playing the chase music when everyone's getting chased.
@@aleisterlavey9716 Nah more like "Jazz Fusion with a kazoo and the song is super intense and at one point it goes into 7/4 time because I want you to absolutely SOAK your pants with piss.
@@tomikun8057 No. Chase scene music that is meant to trigger your fight, flight, or freeze response, making you get the feeling of "OH HOLY FRICK IF I DON'T GET OUT RIGHT THIS INSTANT I AM GOING TO DIE THE MOST VIOLENT AND PAINFUL DEATH CONCEIVABLE", to the point where if a switch to 7/8 time from 4/4 time were to scare you even more I would totally do it.
I'm taking the job and building a hut in the nearby woods. Everyone shall know me as the crazy witch who watches the graveyard, plays makao with the dead and screams ominous warnings at teens trying to stay past sundown. A perfect life
@@aleisterlavey9716 Oh absolutely :D But if you want the chocolate you get a mandatory wild story from me that you can only guess if it's true or not :3
I ain't screaming warnings at teenagers. I will maybe tap them on the shoulder and point to the sign I've just put up saying "turn down your music or leave, the spirits are getting annoyed". For one they won't hear me if I shout at them, for two now I'm also contributing to the noise issue
If I may add 1: you get used to your future roommates because why not be buried where you know everyone? 2: you can do odd jobs for ghost like bringing them a item they had in life and some may tell you things like where hidden treasure is 3: if it’s really haunted then robbers cannot even touch you? You are respecting them the robber try to rob you? Dude it’s getting cursed it’s literally the safest Night Shift ever
Both perspectives work. 1: your the grave keeper and you have to do the odd jobs for he ghost and become friends with them and such 2: a robber trying to rob a haunted cemetery
@@gasparg643 There was an old PC game where you were the evil lord of a castle and had to set traps and deploy monsters to stop the heroes from getting in to kill you which sounds a lot like that.
"bit of advice. do you really wanna mess with the guy that cleans the graves?" (me to a random gang member that jumped me with a host of angry souls behind me)
I’m just picturing basically that story about some guy who used to feed homeless people who then got mugged and the homeless people came to the guy’s rescue, but switching out the homeless people with ghosts
At the risk of sounding a bit trite compared to most of the comment section, if I did take the job, I'd also check the date on those graves. Are we talking old hauntings, like ancient ones? Because if we are... "So you genuinely just have that little screen in your pocket and that lets you look up anything you want?" -"Eeyup. Speaking of which, wanna go pull a prank on the mayor? I'm sure nobody tried blessing his teleprompter, you could probably go take it over, no problem. Just duck into my smartphone if the priest shows up, I'll smuggle you out." "What's a teleprompter?" -"Oh, you sweet summer child, let me show you how to enjoy the afterlife." People fantasise about living in the future a lot, but the concept of showing an ancient ghost how to enjoy modernity? Now there's an idea. Plus, it'll probably get you brownie points for when your own time comes. As for what to do if the hauntings are from evil people, eh, plenty of ways to deal with that. Cold iron, garlic, crystals to discharge under running river water... Heck, if it's the ghost of an old lady, she can play matchmaker among the living for all I care. ... somebody should write all this out, if no one has already. This has classic Hollywood written all over it.
Honestly, I'd be more concerned about the working alone part. Even if it's fairly light work, it's still manual labour, so while you can do all your tasks alone, accidents do happen and you want someone in shouting distance if anything goes wrong. Pretty sure Sadoko's not gonna be able to drive me to the hospital if my hand slips with the hedge trimmer or I get a chunk of wood in the eye.
I'm getting a bunch of pennies to leave at each site to make sure everyone's got payment for the Ferryman. Busting out the stone polish for the markers. Making sure to salute the fallen soldiers as I finish their stones. This is going to be the best kept graveyard I can manage.
I would do it but only if I was allowed to be armed while doing so. People who show up at 3 A.M to a graveyard are either remembering loved ones or are trying to stay hidden. It's the latter that are a problem.
I mean, if I need a nap I can just leave a pencil and paper beside me, any ghosts needing me can leave a note for when I wake up. The dead learn patience pretty quickly once they realize that they are not, in fact, temporally limited like they were while alive
All you’d need is headphones, a battery pack for your phone, a flashlight, a drink like water or if it’s cold Hot Chocolate in a thermos, a snack for your break and spare batteries for the light and your golden
Speaking of cryptkeepers, you can get a side hustle telling the stories in some of your old comics. Last time that happened, dude got famous and had movies, a tv show, and an animated series or two. His weird friends even got in the act, and oher folks started doing it.
Teen approaches me, the ominous graveyard kerper that's covered with a raincoat out of leather. "What's your job here like? Is it really haunted? Could I do it, too?" "No tenants have ever given me trouble. Just, don't disturb the dead." "But how am I gonna listen to music like that? *I lift the hood of my heavy coat and take off my headphones, faintly letting out 'Highway to Hell'.* "Plenty of options, kid."
Dampe from Legend of Zelda is probably my favorite NPC... The townspeople are all wary of him because of his appearance and his job as a gravekeeper, but he's just a chill guy.
hell yeah I would. That's $11'760 a month, $141'120 a year. You could honestly retire after like half a decade of working there, so long as you invest the majority of the pay into a diverse assortment of savings accounts and fonds.
Biggest issue I have with this job is that, depending on where you live, working the night shift outside in the colder months could literally kill you lol.
@@ob2kenobi388 unless you’re in northern Canada or Scandinavia enough layers and possibly aggressive use of pocket warmers should be enough for most nights baring some freak weather events (a polar vortex for example) and things like that tend to have descent warning before hand
There is a story by H.P. Lovecraft about a greatkeeper being hanted. Althrough that guy kinda had it comming. So the guy accidentally locked himself in a crypt and decided to climb out using coffins as a stairs. One of the dead took that as an opurtunity to inform him that his ankle licence has expired. Why? Because the gravekeeper cut of his ankles to fit him into a coffin that was too small for him.
Imagine threatening that graveskeeper, and then after they warn you not to hurt them, if you don't listen, they say they'll respect your grave and tend to it as they have for everyone else. With a far-away look in their eyes, their words not meant to intimidate you but instead a subdued acceptance of what will become of you I think that would be neat
Sounds like a seasonal and weather dependant job for the most part. But it's $80/hr. Let it rain, snow and blow. I can take most of the winters off, and a few light drizzles won't hurt me if I wear a rain coat. If it downpours I'm probably just gonna stay home. I can afford that little bit of time off. Plus I'm sure that job is gonna come with benefits. There's going to be a few hazards there with all the mud, ice, and puddles. Sounds like either I'm gonna be fully insured by my job or I'm gonna have massive hazard pay bonuses which I can just get insurance out of pocket. Also, I'm paying my damn taxes. While I'll be rolling in dough, I'm not gonna forget I'm from the working class. Hell I'll probably invest in my local schools to make sure they got enough pencils and paper and whatnot. If they wanna cut the free/reduced lunches, they can either deal with me raising awareness or I'm just gonna throw money at the problem to give everyone free breakfast and lunch.
do consider: boomers have low shelf life, and they WILL be in that graveyard in due time god imagine having to calm down a very radical (in the political sense) karen spirit or sumshit, yeesh.
honestly the running part seems pretty unimportant considering how ghosts probably don't haunt gravekeepers (atleast, nice ones, and assuming you follow christianity you respect the dead, so nothing to worry about)
@@mishagaming1075 Yeah, but ghosts were once people, and people can be terrifying, and not very good natured, otherwise there wouldn't be people disrespecting the dead in the first place... I mean, what if I'm polishing and cleaning the grave of a serial killer who managed to keep their crimes a secret till death? (The odds of that are really low but...)
I am a contractor and welder who sometimes does jobs deep in underground utility shafts. It is cramped and claustrophobic for many and there is always a danger of explosion from flammable gas buildup. I chose this line of work because I just do not like to be around people and the more I was encouraged to socialize when I was younger, the more I refused and avoided it just to spite everyone. I'll take graveyard cleaner job and I can do it for years or even decades happily. Contentment is what I look for and this has everything I can ever want.
Worst case scenario, ghosts are real, but have so little impact on the world that we don’t know it. At that rate, you’re completely safe, know something extremely important to understanding how the world works, and might even have some new friends.
I'd 100% be all over this. I have a severe anxiety disorder an w hile I have slowly improved it, dealing with people can still be very challenging. Ghosts though? I ain't afraid of no ghosts. (Cause we're like, besties.)
I actually like cemeteries and ghosts in general, so imma be cleaning every grave to the finest and after imma leave em some candy or something because having an entire cemetery of bros to listen to me yap while i do stuff sounds awesome. They gon know every single one of my hyperfixations and random thoughts
Also if a random ghost decided to have beef with you for no reason you don’t think other ghosts who’s area you care for and who like you wouldn’t defend you?
To be fair, with that kinda money, I could get my own house nearby, and my whole thing's gonna be programming and software engineering anyways, so... Sounds good to me, honestly. Program during the day, chillax with the ghosts at night? Get myself a vantablack cloak and an oil lantern with sage, pine, and frankincense for the aesthetic... Just gotta make sure to leave out a few pizzas and stuff. Wouldn't want 'em to feel left out.
_"Beware, gravekeeper, for us spirits do not take kindly to the likes of you."_ "Listen, Barnaby, I know you were raised in the 1800s, but things have progressed a lot since then and trans people are pretty widely accepted now. What you're saying is really problematic."
now we need a fic of a gravekeeper that sees a ghost rise to take revenge and they are like "oh fr?" And becomes their agent of the living to help it happen Respect for the Dead
I've met a few ghosts, they were pretty chill. I'm also a night owl anyway so the late hours are optimal for me, I would've snatched this job up in a heartbeat.
I mean hell yeah! That is a nice, quiet, respectable job for really good money, and I just adjust my sleep schedule to after my shift. Those graves will be cleaned spotless, the flowers tended to well, and I'd have an opportunity to thank any veterans that are being kept there.
I wanna make some ghost friends! I can talk with them if they want while I clean up the place and when I'm done since it's probably a dark space out of the main city lights, I can look at the moon and the night sky and chill with some ghost buddies! Fuck yeah give me that job! And I can act as a witch watching over the dead to mess with the living people, I think the ghosts would get a kick out of that!
I have a friend who does gardening and cleanup in graveyards. They don't work at night though, and it doesn't pay 80 bucks an hour. He still says it's a fun job. Out of doors, no working with hazardous materials, he doesn't have to travel very far, and everyone he meets likes is friendly.
As long as I get to pick which days I work, yeah, I’d take that job happily. Good pay, I don’t have to interact much with the boss, and no one is around to care if I play music!
Everyone's talking about the ghosts and stuff. Which is understandable. The ghosts will leave you alone, easy-peasy. I'm more worried about whatever's in the forest...
This sounds like a really good job. You don’t even have to talk to people except at the beginning and end of your shift. If you believe in ghosts, they won’t be a problem bc, like that last person said, they don’t mess with the graveyard keeper; they mess with the people who fuck up their graves. The only real threat would be vandals you’d have to chase off or potentially wild animals.
I'm working 12 hour jobs Monday- Sunday. Idgaf if Annabelle wants to haunt my ass, as long as there isn't demonic blood on my silk sheets it's all good.
This would be a dream job for me as an introverted night owl. Hang out with the ghosts, rake some leaves, cut some grass, scrub the tombstones if they need it, throw some salt at the poltergeists, having plenty of time to write or play a game, and being not just allowed but encouraged to yell at bratty punks to get out when they show up to cause trouble.
Honestly, it ain't the ghosts that I'd be scared of. It's all the wild animals that my caveman brain thinks it can't see but must be there, stalking me. Or the dangerous thug who came to a freaking graveyard looking to mug someone for some reason. The things that go bump in the night don't have to be monsters to be scary. I just don't like being out in the dark by myself. I just feel vulnerable.
I'm taking the job but I'm requesting that my official job title be "ghost zookeeper." ...even if "ghost maid" would be more accurate. Seriously though the only downside is that it'd be hard to see what you're doing.
