@@gigiw4571I rather be poor and have peace of mind and also be content of what I have, than to be rich and live around snakes. All the money in the world couldn't replace peace of mind
OP is a good man. He is helping his sister and niece who are all innocent in all these He even offered to waive his share of "inheritance" in favor of Julia, the innocent sibling when he was given an ultimatum by his grandparents. This is a classic example of a man can only take so much bullshit and he will "explode" and cut every toxic people out of his life.
I think OP was more than generous. Took care of his good sister and bad sisters child for future school expenses. Abusive people, especially abusive parents deserve no help ever. Hope OP lives a full & happy life.
I agree And those "there must be more to the story" idiots, WHY? Is it, after al kind of stories about abusive parents/siblings so hard to believe that OP was abused too?
@@robertx8020 The hardest, most toxic people a person who has been in an abusive environment has to deal with are the "there must be more to the story" people. I am actually very, very sure there is a hell of a lot more to this story than OP has offered here. OP is leaving out just how bad he was actually abused, probably because what his life was like was just his life and he had no idea that life for other people was any different than what he was experiencing. He shared a few examples of what was going on, he shared what he remembered, but he sure didn't share all of it. First of all because this abuse went on every day of his life in small ways and big ways. He lived in a situation where he was told to keep his mouth shut and he is actually trying to move past this. OP was every bit as abused as he told us, and probably actually suffered other stuff he didn't put in this post. In the end almost every person who has ever suffered abuse is going to have to face people who do not believe their story. When it happens to me, I usually tell myself it is because most people just have never been faced with it and can't imagine PEOPLE TREATING LOVED ONES like this.
@robertx8020, it's usually abusive people/ people who were (or are abused and haven't yet figured out that they were abused/ have been gaslit into thinking they're at fault and can't fathom that the people 5hwy love are hurting them.
OP was right not to pay off Nick's debt. By the sound of things the parents enabled Nick right to his grave. It was good of him to give his parents at least some money, and to give his younger sister and niece some money for their education. He didn't have to do any of that, but it was kind of him to do so.
Makes me wonder why the grandparents didn't use the inheritance to pay off Nick's debts. Maybe it never existed, and the grandparents were grasping at straws
@@nicksuazo4377 or the parents hid Nick's debts and problems from the grandparents, after all they were keeping up a facade with the town why not the grandparents too ?
@wendigos_eat_people7177 If that were true, why not just give the father alone all the inheritance? The parents could have painted OP as the one with the drug problem. If they did that, then Nick would have looked like the grandson who was down on his luck and unfortunately passed, and the parents would have received the money to pay for the funeral and cope or whatever. Around that time, from what I understand, the grandparents couldn't understand why OP would "Turn his back on his family", so clearly OPs parents lied their asses off when they had to go to family events.
I am happy he helped his sister to go to nursing school. That is a good big brother. As for his parents, he did much more for them than they ever did for him. The grandparents have the right to leave their worldly possessions to who they want and it was an odd turn of events that the one who broke loose from the family and made his own way received the inheritance. I guess karma worked in that situation.
It's telling that the grandparents not only broke contact with their son but his kids as well. They knew what trash that family was. If anything, OP refusing to go back told them he was a better person than his dad or siblings.
OP did the right thing. If the parents wanted to drive themselves into the ground then that’s on them. The grandparents had every right to do whatever they wanted to do with their money.
Coming from an extremely abusive family my self ,i find that OP had to do what was right for him. If u have no dealings with abusive parents then u dont know what it was like for OP or have any right to judge him. It was his problem to deal with not anyone else. Its very damaging to be brought up this way and no matter how much therapy u have it never takes away the damage or the memories. Im glad he found his own way and i hope he contiues to live his best life.
I don’t know where this story is supposed to have taken place, but in the US family members are not responsible for the debts of other deceased family members unless they co-signed or in other ways had their names personally associated with that of the deceased.
If this was a real story, I would wonder why the grandparents bypassed their son, OP's father. Especially after OP's brother died. After all, the grandparents were displeased with OP for not rejoining the family.
He might have done something that OP isn't aware of? After all, even before the brother died, HE would be getting the money and not the dad ..so why skip him at all?
@@robertx8020Why give OP the money at all? That wouldn't guarantee he would stay, even if he did come back for the money. I guess they were just desperate because they needed something from him, as cliché as it goes.
@robertx8020 Well, the grandparents bought his mom & dad a house after they got married. That is not a cheap purchase- especially if it was a minimum of 3 br home. Then they mortgage that house due to lack of planning & bad decisions. Why would they help their son? They were probably concerned that all their hard earned money would be squandered by OP's parents if they left the inheritance to them. But who know 🤷♀️ They felt they had a reason & it was their money
I knew he would do something about Julia - even if he didn't inherited anything. She was the youngest & probably got forgotten by her family until they needed money. Parents should never depend on their children to pay bills for them. I have seen the damage parents can do to their children's credit report - and the kids are not even teens yet. The parents' poor decisions led to their financial issues. It's on them to get themselves out from the mess they created. I agree that OP should not pay for Nick's legal fees. The parents should have just let Nick handle his own problems. He could have gotten a public defender; he didn't NEED a private attorney. The parents chose to pay for one. I like that OP set up an education fund for his niece. OP helped the people who could not help their situation in that household. Like he said, they were innocent. Im surprised he paid the utilities & part of the mortgage. More than what I would have done. Now, if this had been a loving & supportive family that needed his help,this would be a whole different ball of wax. I think OP went above & beyond what he should have, but again - he only did it for the benefit of the innocent ones that are forced to live there. I hope Julia uses the money & goes to a nursing school faaaaar away from that toxic household. This would be her chance to escape like OP did & make something of herself despite the conditions in which she grew up.
Nerds on reddit are always complaining about something. "Someone sticks up for themselves against their abusive and extremely toxic family. WAAAAAH".... OP did nothing wrong. Good on him for looking out for the innocent family members.
Once the money is OPS, he can do with it whatever he wants I can’t believe the grandparents didn’t split it among other grandchildren if OP family had been nicer to him, none of this would’ve happened.
The parents in this story lived on hate. They did not have a Golden Child. They hated them all and treated them all badly. It is not surprising that one escaped into drugs. The wonder is that 2 survived. OP used the inheritance wisely. As he said, his Grandparents would be rolling in their graves as he gave his sister money to go to nursing school and set up an education fund for his niece. I hope OP made it to culinary school in France. At the least the idea of living in France is a good one. The food is appreciated and good to eat as long as you find the places the locals go to. It is also well away from his vile parents.
I’m happy 😅for you. I do agree with how you left, why u left, that u didn’t bend your decision, that u helped ur little sister & niece… may you be blessed
OP you didn't need their money then and you don't need it now. Tell the whole town how awful and toxic they are. Don't sell your soul to the devil. Be true to yourself and you will be happy.
Op did end up using some of his inheritance to help his sister for education purposes. I have a theory that the grandparents never cut Op out of the Will, they just wanted him to reconcile with his parents.
Families are so strange for some reason. BTW *Gaslight" means to make someone to think that they are going crazy. Not try to make somebody do some things they don't want to.
This is why the original version of "Blood is thicker than Water!", which means family is most important, was actually "The Blood of the Covenant is Thicker than the Water of the Womb." That means people who share your BELIEFS are most important. You didn't choose whose family you were born into, but you must choose what you are going to do with that life going forward. Considering how the world is, being born isn't necessarily a gift anymore, and that's because people have made arbitrary rules for themselves to obey and submit to the unworthy. It's not saying you have to abandon family, but that they shouldn't become a conflict of interest for you. Of course, that's not how our society is set up anymore, so we suffer because of it.
I think OP was lucky not to be ruined by his upbringing. The money was not something he chased. His grandparents were toxic to sit on all that money and not help his family or be in their grandchildren's lives to know what his upbringing and those of his siblings was like in that household. Even if there is more to this story, there is really no excuse for the parents.
Excellent OP, you are a better person than me. I agree you did good helping your younger sister with nursing school and your niece or nephew with their schooling with the stipulations you placed. I know they (parents) undoubtedly must be grieving but they DIDNOT provide him with a proper upbringing or life example. OP you did good not enjoy. God blessed you for the years you were mistreated so enjoy.
OP, you did good. I'm proud of you. I wish you the best. Julia and you seem to be the only ones that got any sense in that family. It's amazing you survived that hell hole, and your parents are useless as parents. Your grandparents they were either oblivious or really obtuse.
Didn't the grandparents seem to have cut contact with OP's Dad, their ONLY son. Otherwise he would have inherited his parents assets. We may have only heard one side of this story BUT the grandparents leaving absolutely nothing to their only son and heir spoke volumes IMO, even as misogynist as they were.
OP was more than fair to set up for his sister Julia & his niece to use for “ education “ only to prevent to drain those accounts for scrupulous reason by the parents & sister Carmen / instead to secure for her daughter education !!!
I agree with everything OP decided to do once he left home. The only thing I wish OP had done, was gotten Julia out of that toxic house as soon as she turned 18. Otherwise, kudos to OP.
Depending on the age of the older brother, which I think is over 18, in the USA he is considered an adult and parents no longer responsible for his debts, as long as not a cosigner. No, OP should not pay either. Glad he did help those who wanted to improve themselves and showed it. Blessings.
Good parents treat their children the same and not treat one better then the other Op did the right thing he made sure that the innocent did not suffer
I think that OP did great. I personally think that OP was more than generous with his parents because they were hardly parents at all. He made sure that the mortgage was caught up along with getting the utilities turned back on and didn't it say he paid half of the mortgage off because his little sister was still there. His actions right there showed he was more caring and concerned about his little sister than his parents ever were. He made sure his little sister has money for nursing school. And he didn't make it crystal clear in his post, but it doesn't sound like he is actually estranged from Julia, although he layed down his boundaries about her school money. I think that was justified because it appeared that his parents had pretty much forced Julia into the position of not going to school and working at a dead-end job so her money could be used to enable her parents to let her two older, worthless siblings continue to do nothing with their lives. OP sounds like a hero to me. And I admire OP for deciding to do something for his niece;s education. Once again he is so smart for making sure to put rules in place about the money only being able to be spent on her education. That poor child is surrounded by selfish uncaring people who would steal from a baby. His sister, Carman was a major turd in this story. She deserves nothing, and that is what she got. Way to go OP. And OP's parents made the decision that the older brother and sister could be worthless, uneducated parasites, so why should OP get them out of the troubles they brought on themselves. I believe OP did the absolute right thing when he told his grandparents he would not reconcile with his family for an inheritance. I do believe that the grandparents were despicable refuse to give equal amounts to all the grandchildren. Given that OP's dad was the only son, I would hate to think that they might have had a daughter or two who they ignored completely. Sort of wonder if OP has cousins that might be from sisters of his father. I wouldn't think that OP should have to actually look into it and share with cousins because it isn't OP who was the misogynistic AHs that wrote the will. I had a pretty messed up family, but wow, OPs family takes the cake. They are the public service ad for going NO CONTACT
I would have let the parents rot. Instead of paying half of their mortgage, I would have helped Julia find a place of her own and then set up a college fund for her and the niece. Sell the mansion, invest a good chunk of money and then comfortably live off the returns.
I believe OP was very generous towards his parents...if he had bailed them out they would just have come back for more! His younger sister was cared for and given the opportunity to become independent and the education trust could not be handed over to the parents. As well as his nieces education trust could not be handed over to his sister .... Well thought out OP!!!
I think OP did everything right. Those commenters who said that OP was abused and mistreated, but then in the same breath said he should've paid off the debt are baffling to me. "Oh yeah, they made your life hell and treated you less than human, but you should be the 'better man'/more understanding and bailed the guilty parties out". What logic is that? Also, in my opinion, the parents cared more about their reputation even more than their golden child's happiness and life. They wanted a good reputation so bad that they didn't give the addicted brother proper parenting (some tough love), or actual help for his addiction (enabling), or allow consequences that could've given that brother a chance to change and live. In my opinion, they were the (indirect) cause of their golden child's death. They were/are the cause of the other's/OP's misery, and they shouldn't get a free pass for it.
The grandparents can distribute their money however they want to. They earned it so they get to decide how it is used. As for the family OP did it the right way. His parents and Carmen were just getting their karma for their past actions. Sister and the kids were innocent so didn't deserve to suffer for someone else's bad deeds.
The issue with the grandparents is that they were misoginistic. Their will was sent to their grandsons and used it to try and force OP to go back to the family. I'm not sure if they saw how the brother was a timing bomb and so wanted OP to come back so they inherit a grandson instead of granddaughters. Tough they seemet to havve forgoten to update the will
The hardest part is how to help the kids without the sister or his parents getting the money. It's possible, but requires planning and legal advice, which OP managed. I have no doubt they would try though.
FACTS! And just as the grandparents wanted to will everything to the male grandsons, their biological son was still alive. Why didn't they give it all to him?
He is a good brother paying off part of the mortgage/water and electric bills /setting aside money for his kid sisters nursing school and then his nieces schooling he did right for them. His rents are adults they need to take care of themselves cause they sure as heck did not care for him.
OP was helping his sister, Julia, and his niece. Perhaps it would have helped both him and them for him to make at least some tentative attempts to establish some sort of a deeper relationship. If it didn't work out, it didn't work out, and he could have gone no contact there as well. Perhaps. though he might have found at least some family ties that were worth keeping intact.
If only all stories went like this. My story has no happy ending. Yet anyways. My dad died when i was 6, he was wealthy and my mother would be blowing all of her inheritance from him on things that were just a waste and practically giving it away. Most of my family has died as I grew up and I didn't have much of a mind throughout my life due to my dads passing, his passing left a deep mental scar on me that will never heal. I didn't get a mind until i was about 22? But when i finally got my mind, I finally realized how screwed up my life was and I grew to resent my mother. I was seeing all of these things but due to my ignorance, I didn't know any of what she was doing was bad and wrong. My mother treated me good as a child, gave me everything I wanted as a child but the moment i turned 13, she had me working under the table jobs until I turned 14 and could work a real job. Well after i got paid, she'd take all of my money, left me none of the money I earned. We shared a joint bank account and I had no idea how bad that was until way later. My mom always made sure I was well fed but she wouldn't let me do anything else aside from work and provide. I had no problem with this at first until she became abusive. Any time she would tell me to go get her food and i brought her back food that wasn't fully accurate like she wanted, she'd yell at me and throw that food at me. This was almost an every day thing because how often does a drive through get "special" orders correct all the time? And if I got sick or too hurt to work, she'd insult me and belittle me for not working. And god forbid if i played on a gaming console a generous friend got me, shed scream at me for not working or cleaning up her messes around the entire house. Which heres the thing, even if i cleaned up a mess fully, shed just make another mess with trash and papers and if I got too careless and threw away papers, she'd yell at me for throwing away important papers. My life with my mother has been nothing but manipulation and abuse, I thought this was just normal for families and i kept thinking to myself if this is all I've got to look forward to, whats the point of living? It began to make me believe that dying was the only real freedom I'd ever experience. But despite not having my own mind growing up, I made many mistakes, mistakes that would slowly educate me. It took until I was 22 of making many mistakes to finally become somewhat knowledgeable. And I managed to somehow score myself a virtual friend that would turn into my fiance today at that age as well. My mother noticed these changes in me and would still do the same thing with me and I'd fight back or just leave for the day because i knew I didn't have to deal with her. She then tried to separate me from my fiance, called her many heinous names. And I'd go off on my mother for it. I still stuck with my mother despite knowing everything she did to me because i knew once i left, she wasn't going to live a long life because no one that's left of our family wanted to deal with her. She would go to have a couple heart attacks and found out she had diabetes with a lung and heart disease, she became reliant on me despite making me miserable. Then not long after i turned 31, one night before i was about to leave for work, I found her deceased in her messy bed. She left me nothing but debt. I would find out she out many things in my name without my knowledge, I'm still fighting those fraudulent bills off today. I'm 33 today but I can say when i finally experienced freedom, I didn't know what to do, it scared me at first and it made me want death even more but my fiance would always be there for me and comfort me. Despite having a broken mind, I still tried to do the right things. The traumas will stick with me forever and the desire for death will always be there. But my lady being there for me is what keeps me going forward, I want to be there for her too.
What did they disagree with OP doing? He set aside money for the sisters education and for his sister's kids. Do they think he should be passing money on to his abusive sister and parents?? I can see them thinking maybe he should split it more evenly with the younger sister but honey given how easily manipulated she is being by her parents right now, any money he gave her would go straight to the parents. He's doing what's best for her by paying for her school and trying to get her on her own two feet so she can hopefully get AWAY from his parents
If I pick a fight with a dude 2 times my size I'm getting my ass kicked. So ladies, equality is the good and the bad parts, so don't hit dudes older than 15 unless you're ready to get your ass kicked.
HELL NO..Never pay off Nick's debt. HE was bullied his parents are toxic not just were. Their Golden Boy was a drug addict. He did way more than he should have.
@MrBeevee5 I think I'm sure in the story he said they took responsibility for his debts to keep him out of jail. The lawyers and bail bonds company don't care who pays the bills..just that it gets paid.
@antoinettebates244 True. Whether it's hospital bills or "borrowed" money/loans, immediate family members are going to be stuck with the debt. I remember a story where OPs husband died/left(?) and she found out that he had used her identity to apply for credit cards, loans, and insurances, and OP was left with mountains of debt. And OP had kids to look after with little to no money on hand. So yeah, the banks don't care about who's who or what's what. All they care about is getting their money back.
@@BralinciaMeadows-yz5gs I Agree,too..How can the people of reddit fault op? Did`nt they hear and read what OP WENT THROUGH? I bet they must`ve LOVED seeing op get bullied,or else they would not have faulted him!
Sure if you don't came home and be part of family or no longer to have inheritance.. Pro : get away from toxic family Con: lost inheritance.. for what's? Being in toxic family puppies.. Good job, O.P you make it and needed nothing than happiness and work harder to make you're own inheritance to You're family..
I know people like op's parents. Only of type of parent asks their kid to quit school to party thier bills: narcissists. Op owed them nothing. Nothing at all. He wouldn't have even had they been good parents, but they were horrible ones. What he dis give them was very generous.
Oh, he did the right thing by not paying his brothers debts. His brother was horrible to him tortured him. OP parents should’ve kicked his brother out a long time ago and told him to get a job and pay for his own debts.
After update 1, I agree. You take responsibility for your life. But, why didn’t the grandparents take care of brothers criminal problems, surely the parents would call for help money. Where was the money going since house was paid for (asking for when you worked at the restaurant while in school.)
The parents FED Nick’s monster. You can’t enable children, teaching them to see themselves as more important than others, and expect them to be normal adults. They insured OP’s brothers dysfunction, so I don’t feel sad for them. He didn’t have a chance at being a normal, functioning adult. Sew and reap.
1) The grandparents can give their money to whoever they want, just as anyone else can. Might not agree with them or think they are nuts but still their decision and they have to live with it. 2) OP was very generous with the money to help his "good" sister and his niece. He owes his parents nothing and yet he did help them out some also by paying their utilities and half their mortgage. His parents made their bed they can sleep in it.
Those who disagree with the grandparents' decision and think that OP should have helped his abusive, neglectful, and/or useless family members should all sit down and shut the hell up.
The money was the grandparents to give as they saw fit. OP did the right thing. How did Nicks debt become the parents responsibility, unless this family lives in another country
It was their money....they leave it to who they want.....people feel they are entitled to parents/grand parent's wealth....they AR not....if the do decide to leave anything....it is a blessing....
OP could have used parents messages to convince Grandparents and be the sole heir!!! OP could reconnect just to mock and torment parents and help younger sister.
Why in the name of the darkest part of the chaotic universe should he posthumously enable his brother's behavior? OP's brother created the debt, their parents never taught him how to take responsibility for his actions. The debt is the consequence of his actions and their enabling him. I feel somewhat sorry for them, but if OP pays even a dollar for them, they can spin it in a way to validate their behavior. Having to deal with the debt makes them have to deal with the consequences. I think OP should help the good sister get the unholy away from the toxic family members ASAP and find a way to protect the financial security of the toxic sister's kids because to be bluntly honest, I can mentally see her effing them over the second they hit the minimum age allowed to sign up for credit cards or anything that can be used to get money
Definitely on OP's side. Ask yourselves this: If you added up all of the money the grandparents spent on gifts for the brother over 12 years, not to mention the cash handed out on a regular basis and feeding and housing him for all those years - do you really think it would be less than the price of a car? And who knows how much the apartment cost because we don't know when all this took place, so I think you can throw the cost of that in and it would still be less than what was spent on Chris. My opinion? YOU GO GIRL!! You are on your way to a brilliant future and your entitled brother will never amount to a tinker's dam.
Glad you helped your sister and the others child. You did not need to pay of your brothers debt . Because your parents need to face the facts . They abused you and your sister. While allowing your brother and other sister . Free loaded and abuse the younger kids. Let your sister become a nurse and check on her . Because they will abuse her to even more now.
How old was Julia? I missed that or couldn't manage the mental math. My thought was arrange for Julia to move out, even if she had to wait until time for college. I do find the grandparents' actions messed up both for only leaving the inheritance to the males, and trying to manipulate OP. They could have given the granddaughters something, and their great-grandchild. Lastly, way to go OP, for having a spine and standing up for yourself when no one else would. Even in the face of the grandparents' threats.
Well, considering that OPs Dads family is "traditional" and didn't believe in divorces for OPs parents, it's not too hard to see what else they didn't agree with.
@@nicksuazo4377 I thought along the same lines. The grandparents hadn't been around since OP was 3 if I remember correctly, I think that helps explain why they didn't leave the parents anything.
Grandparents are misogynistic assholes, proof that wealth does not determine integrity and you can be well off financially, but be morally indigent. Their character defects aside, his parents didn't deserve a wad of chewed gum off his shoes. He owed them NOTHING. The saying actually goes "blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb". Family is the group of people you connect with thru shared experiences, who's company you find enjoyable, who encourages you to thrive and wants to see you to live your best life, and especially those who celebrate WHO YOU ARE and bring out the best in you and make you want to be the best version of yourself. The people who offer their support and encouragement in hard times, and appreciate your input enough to want you there in theirs. The people who find the idea of your suffering abhorrent, so much their conscious would never allow them to cause or condone it. It's about the connection. THAT'S a family. The individuals with whom you happen to share DNA, by shear accident of birth, are RELATIVES. Not the same thing. They can be toxic, unhealthy people who you have no obligation to. They contribute nothing but negativity to your life, you don't need them in it. Period. I think he showed good character looking out for the kids, and making sure his help could only be used for them. Perfect solution. Protects the innocent, leaves the guilty to their karma.
I ALWAYS hate that crap where people play the nice card one minute then turn AH the next. I mean, Grandpa pulling that whole "hey, how are ya? That's awesome! Well, i'm gonna keep you out of the inheritance since you abandoned your family and you won't get a dime until you go back to them" was a total dick move.
He owed NOTHING to those horrid people who bred him, nor to their other offspring. Neither had he any obligation to share any part of his g-father's gift as, were they entitled to a share, they would have been named in the will and, even if the son had an obligation to share with his family...genetics alone do NOT a family make.
