It amazes me that this kind of video, one which has the most definitive, well delivered and educationally concise has lesser view than some of the other channels dish out with very little insight but basically peddling on shallow information (not all of them but the majority). Thank you very much Dr and appreciate your effort to make your videos one of the best on the subject.
It took me until today to finally watch this because I wasn't ready to go there in my mind because I thought it would be too triggering. Some topics are too disturbing or maybe hit too close to home so that may be why this one has fewer views. EMDR has helped me be able to see my experience from a more detached perspective so watching this now was fine and didn't trigger me.
@@mommyput I am glad that you have found relief 😃! As for me,not so much,but I lit up on inside to finally see someone got assistance in healing! Yay! God bless you and your new life! Huge hugs!
Agreed. Dr Todd and Dr Phil are by far more descriptive, informative, thorough and knowledgeable about narcissism and it's forms than any other I've come across on the internet.
Mine was cheating and when I mentioned open relationship or swinging ( I started watching a TV show on swinging) he became super nervous!!! he didn’t even like my yoga pants and it was OK for him to do things behind my back and deny them but it was not OK it’s even I looked at someone else! I didn’t want anyone else but him, and now I don’t even understand why, because he was a fake I had to mourn the death of someone that didn’t exist! These people are cons, and they will rob you of your time, money, mental health, physical health, spiritual health, and anything that you only I’ll try to get along with family and friends and turn them against you. My advice is to run and run fast. This can be a man or a woman!!! Don’t be confused with the guy is a good guy and such an amazing hard worker and such the guy that you’ve always want to but he wasn’t really that great looking so you give them a chance and you fall in love with him and then find out they were lying and pretending the whole time to use you. Well, they’ll help you out every once in a while in the house the majority of everything eventually falls on your hands and they’re off screw and other women and having a great time while you’re taking care of the house and everything else. The excuses they’re working maybe they’re flying to other places, but guess what they’re not really they have a girlfriend in town far away from you.!!! 🤢🤢. Stay away from vultures! Run!!!
I knew this individual with overlapping Machiavellian, Narcissistic, and Psychopath traits who was really big into sharing his wives (past and current) while he watched. Once in a while is understandable, but this clown was obsessed about it and managed to cajole his partners into fulfilling his fantasies with manipulative tactics. He was extremely charming and articulate, although his eyes and expression reminded me a bit of a lifeless doll. He could see right through you while projecting a fearless, dark energy.
Yes, especially when you combine lack of empathy with thrill-seeking and increased need for stimulation. This, theoretically, leads to antisocial stimulative behaviors.
@N Silva While a LD could lead to feelings of insecurity and inadequacy, it can also lead to greater empathy with others who have disabilities or suffering.
The revenge against authorities issue is something other than psychopathy in my personal view because a deeply caring person can feel outraged against authority figures because of how the authority figures abused their authoritarian leverage positions. Dr. Lawrence Kohlberg talked about this when he established the 6 levels of moral reasoning. The highest level the 6th or even 7th level implies a person doing Anything to rescue a living being in need of rescuing regardless of authorities and laws that might stand against that action. Those types of scenarios are discussed by Dr. Peter Singer and Steven M. Wise. The subject ethics also touches on what Dr. David Benatar talks about. I highly recommend to people to read those people's books.
I think you're forgetting who writes the DSM book. Of course "the powers that be" (the ruling class) seeks to demonize anyone who challenges their authority. Even when their authority is gained by ruse/fraud and media deception (fake news), the authorities don't want to be challenged. Thus anyone who challenges them is labeled/smeared. This discourages resistance and encourages compliance with government, regardless of how it stays in power and how it abuses the populace. Also, by the "don't take revenge on authority" standard, all the USA founding fathers who signed the Declaration of Independence would be (unfairly) labeled "Psychopaths" because they rebelled against England which was the AUTHORITY of that era.
Jack Wilson You’re wrong. Human nature is constant. You need to understand that dark traids aren’t inherently bad. Remember that. I’ll say it again. Dark traids ARENT inherently bad in nature. Only with actions that society deem anti social.
Jack Wilson with that in mind. Rebelling against authority is a type of dark traid but depending on context can clearly be seen as a good thing as time progresses. Always see both sides. Being a narcissist, psychopath or Machiavellian doesnt mean you’re a “bad” person. We’re all complex human beings. Don’t forget that. We’re all human beings.
My narcissist ex could not stand the thought of another man touching me but he would always fantasize about a bunch of men gang banging me. How bizzare
Mines wanted me to fully participate in gangbangs, bukkake parties, dogging, sex cinemas, sex with animals the disgusting list continues but God forbid I speak to another man when he wasn't there whilst he was out doing the most disgusting despicable things a person can think of and one of them included drugging and raping me repeatedly. I never did any of the others and the drug/rape I wasn't aware of until I was. I actually think this is why he ended up doing that because I wouldn't participate and act how he wanted. Nice huh you set boundaries and get raped for it. He always thought he was some sex God too. I have no idea why people say sex with a narc type person is the best, it's the worst I've ever had. I haven't been with another person since him because of his behavior.
@Ange Lom you're right! It sounds super scary, but it's so interesting to get to know these things. Usually we go through live thinking that people are fundamentally good, and I think they really are, but to look at people that really deviate from that a lot is interesting.
@Ange Lom even when hell is mathematics so hell is Scientific and heaven is Scientific and heaven is mathematics Scientific and mathematics is Earthly sure is so .think about it just Because you call it hell it is still Scientific and deeply influence by mathematics.
I agree with your input about Machiavellianism being outdated and superfluous in modern psych. I do have some counterpoint: - In the study cited, 70% of the participants were female identified yet the male participants seemed to report more sexually deviant desires. I think it's important to note here that women (especially young women) are conditioned from an early age to suppress their sexual expression whereas the opposite can be said for young men in our culture.
Dorian Cassidy. thank you. women do have their sexuality repressed from a young age all the way through their lives. a man can have 20 sex partners and no one bats an eye, but if a woman has more than two or three she's considered a slut. i don't care what people think; i had a good time.
Young males may have any and all fantasies but young females have much more real sex. Some teenage males have dirty thoughts. Some teenage females have illegitimate babies. choose the deviant.
It is interesting to hear that sex for a narcissist is to connect but only for fulfilling their ego needs not a romantic purpose....It would good to use a more descriptive comparison for that purpose, how does it show to be different for the two in an intimate situation...
Actually the worst part of these videos is that people use them to be armchair psychologists and diagnose people. If he's toxic cut him off. But stop diagnosing people.
very interesting. I have scored very high on machiavellianism but low on narcissism and psychopathy. I have often wondered what this means. I am also the personality type INTJ and was raised by a parent who was (and still is) a grandiose narcissist. so, I conclude I am just a strategic, rational thinker.
I'm also a INTJ, I'm diagnosed as a high functioning psychopath. I have the DarkTriad as well. Scored highest in Machiavellianism, mid range for psychopathy. Narcissism was very low but still present. Btw Pro Tip, don't take those online tests and assume they are accurate. They are in fact trash. For starters the questions are obvious. Anyone with a IQ over 80 would know how to answer to get the desired results. Further more those that are Poser's, claiming to be the DarkTriad and are not. Just know there's nobody I would rather kill than you. Cheers!!
The things my ex wanted me to do finally crossed the line and I had to leave. I told him if he likes being degraded, that's on him. I don't like it. Good luck to whoever he ended up with.
My last relationship, I was with a Machiavellian....I've often attracted men with high narcissistic traits due to trauma bonding (my birth mom is a narc). Well, since my exposer to so many personalities that fall on the dark triad, with probably the least exposer to psychopathy (because that's the most severe). I can honestly say that dealing with a Machiavellian was actually much more difficult than dealing with a Narc. They are probably the most callous people in the world next to psychopathy, yet they still have a charm and a drive that is very appealing. The sexual experience with him was astronomical, but he was community P**** and often tried to push my boundaries sexually past my point of comfortability (often shut him down because I have Boundaries). I tried to make it work, but realized I could not after doing more research based on the fact that they have low EI and have a disdain for intimacy. One of the scariest, toughest experience I've endured. But as a recovering fearful-avoidant, I was often 10 steps ahead of him so I caught him completely off guard when I left 😁
Dr. Grande, I greatly appreciate all the work you put into your videos. I always find them to be informative and really enjoy the data driven component of your presentation. What search engines do you typically employ in your literature research?
I would be interested in you doing a video over sexual fantasies in relation to BPD. I've read a couple studies before so if I can find them I will link them in a bit :)
My guess (or projection) as a borderline (and who knows at least one other, a female) is much of it involves cuckolding, exhibitionism, voyeurism, ie fantasies that involve some distance or level of ambivalence in terms of actually 'possessing' the object of affection. On a Freudian level, scenarios that reflect a broken bond with Mom or Dad....or both.. but a bond nonetheless.
Thank you Dr.Grande,many doctors skirt around theses discussions and never get to the point. Between this and the "bad boy" video,it brought up many memories.They all seem to be so tightly braided together that only depending on the man I was involved with and the degree of how honest we could be was the one clear way to simplify a sexual experience
Just like you said, Machiavellianism does not seem to be a distinct trait. I wonder why it was even introduced, given that narcissism and psychopathy already provided enough variety to explain what basically is a crafty political, or workplace, schemer?
Little confused why Machiavellianism is part of the trio, and after I read The Prince in high school, I was confused why Machiavellian 'goals' would be automatically considered negative. Maybe I need to read it again, but people make it sound like it was written by a dictator.
Bc machiavellian people lack cousciones to regret taking advantage and manipulating others into their benefits, this trait alone can cause colateral damage bc of their ambitions. But imo its a good trait to have if u want to be sucesfull but for the people arround u would be hell
I recently worked with a malignant narcissist who also had some kind of mood disorder. It was horrendous on everyone. On the second day some provocatively dressed young teen girls came into the store and asked to see him, and it was clear that he was grooming them. It made me think back to a radio show I used to listen to where one of the hosts "Opie" was severely narcissistic. He was always insecure, shy & hurtful towards women in the studio, but I remember in a rare moment of openness he once mentioned a pathetic fantasy about one day having his kid invite teen girlfriends to run round his home naked. It gave me the impression that a constellation of factors probably make narcissists & psychopaths more prone to paedophilia: the emotional lack of development, lack of empathy, impulsivity, criminality, entitlement, the destroyed social life etc
Except in this instance, this would clearly not be Paedophilia - since that is by very definition an attraction to pre-pubescents. How many pre-pubescent teenagers have you ever come across??! (Mmmm, perhaps I should rephrase that...😂😂😂)
@@peterbennett2655 no pedophilia is the attraction to one outside your specific age range. So this being an older male with a teenage child, it is most definitely pedophilia.
Some of this ties in with what we understand about the fetishisation of black /asian women by SOME (not all obviously), caucasian men who fall into the traits you’ve covered.
Dr a pleasure to listen to your interesting tops as an advocate for the sick I come across many people today suffering from many of the subjects you highlight it is a pleasure to listen to your intelegent presentation of many of underlying sickness that plague society today3 thank you for your inpout
I know they some sick ass folks out here in the World. Some ppl think having a partner/spouse, means they then have someone to use as a breathing blow-up doll. They try to force their idenity onto you and make you a reflection of them.
I'd hope to hear back about the conclusion on the best choice in a relationship regarding a good friendship before it can fully develops into a sexual one and of course being so comfortable with each other that the nesting place where just cuddling is like a private language that no-one else speaks,even when words aren't necessary. But so many men say that they cannot be just friends with a woman that I wonder, is this just a way of sparing a woman's feelings because he isn't attracted to her and knows that this is a siren fire way to run her off, or to test her boundaries and watch how fast she ends up running away or jumping the gun. Depending on trust issues on both halves no matter how we hope to be forth coming, ,games often come into play even on a subconscious level. I have to say that there are many women who prefer gentle men who are brave and intelligent enough to choose a sweet heart of a man over the tough guy, but men are so pressured into being the protector , society upbringing and cruel brain washing, I understand the origins, but more and more women love to protect their male loved ones
The doctor, of course, knows better, but I always surprised that there is a difference in numbers for men and women. The most dangerous and callous person I ever encountered was a woman, who fulfilled the dark triad with power. Having learned from my experience, I have met other persons' whose behavior was nefarious, and both genders, in my own experience, were represented equally. The Lucrezia Borgia of this world certainly hold the candle as much as the men
I've had sadistic fantasies since before I even knew what sex is. I remember fantasizing that my fingers are humans attached to my hand (meaning there is no escaping for them) and that I am doing all kinds of painful stuff to them. This was when I was in kindergarten. Later in middle school we were learning about inquisition. There were some pictures of torture machines in our school books. I remember fantasizing about applying those to some pretty girls in my class (I am a dude btw). Now, even though I do have some psychopathic traits they are not of the extreme kind. I still can feel emotions. So I'm not actually full blown psychopath, although I'm high on that scale.
Ayy, bro. Similar story here, though I'm into guys. My sexuality basically consists of aggression and violence, "normal" stuff doesn't even get me hard. I basically can't find someone sexually attractive if he's not capable of abuse, cause I know he won't be able to satisfy me otherwise. I've suspected that I may be highly psychopathic as well, not that it makes any difference. Glad to see a sadist out here though, love the attitude ;)
@paisleyyama Not at all. I actually had better childhood than most kids. Loving parents (maybe slightly overprotective), middle class; lot of friends from the early age etc. I was trying to find the cause for this trait in some events from my childhood, but i really can't point my finger to anything. I guess it is inborn
@paisleyyama Well, i have no idea whether my siblings, or anyone related to me have these types of fantasies since I don't talk to them about these stuff. Secondly, I don't remember seeing sadistic material at young age. But it's possible that i did
@@qwertzuiop1978hey i find this interesting and ihave some questions are you charming? have you lost faith in humanity? do you really trust anyone? do you really care about anyone?
I think we all get thoughts that are absolutely outrageous at points in our lives. Doesn't mean you are crazy or have mental issues. With cluster b personalities they are just more likely to act on those impulses. They have very little self control.
Mine was another of them, I recognize him in psichopatic macchiavellic narcissistic behaviour. He had promiscuos love swapping behaviours. I felt so disturbed with him, he tried to push me to this, I resisted to his requests and he has done everithing to destroy me
According to one of my wild neighbors, drugs are involved with these negative behaviors. She's self medicating with vodka from her misery and distress, and is shocking to speak with. She's gone through alot of counsellors... it's impossible to help her.
Why are we using the term "narcissism" (even at a non-pathological level) as something associated with desire for social approval? Isn't approval from others natural?
Seeking approval from others is normal,. Narcissism, however, refers to more than just a need for admiration. There is also arrogance, envy, a sense of entitlement, etc. Even still, subclinical narcissism is becoming normal as well (it is on the rise).
@@DrGrande.... Hello Dr. Grande! I Love, love, love your videos! Thank you so much, you've helped me get a much better understanding on the "cube - like - matrix" I was raised in (mother being a covert narcissist and my father being an extremely overt narcissist, to the extent of sexualizing his own daughter, me, and never treating me as a daughter. Even at times using the repeative phrase "You're a much better wife than your own mother ever was"..... sick, sick, sick!) My question is, since you said that subclinical narcissism is on the rise, do you think that this is due to the increased usage in social media, the competitive pressures placed on people who have an addiction to social media and the societal pressures placed on the usage of social media??? (ex. most TV shows always say you can follow us on blah, blah, blah to get more information on blah, blah, blah) I've noticed that when I stopped using social media, I felt a lift of something come off me and more time to dedicate to what I feel the most important thing in life is, my family & more importantly, my daughter and spending present awake & aware time with them.
No, desiring admiration is not typical. We generally desire and accept praise from people that we respect. I don't think narcissism is "on the rise" as much as it is being discussed more. I was accused of being of narcissist as if it's now an insult. It's been weaponized whether it's a real thing or not. I doubt that it's real like most psychological labels.
@@DrGrande Maybe it persists because society in general, and Western society in particular, prepares and programs individuals, especially males, to be narcissistic and psychopathic and actively rewards it? The people in the highest echelons of the government and elsewhere belong to this type and have incredible success with women and thus in propagating the gene. This cut-throat, self-loving philosophy starts with basic school education and only gets rewarded and reinforced even more strongly as the individual struggles to climb the ladder of corporate success and status in the yes of people.
Dr Grande, I often read that when a person starts to associate sexual pleasure with extreme acts of violence and cruelty against their partner, is this something that's relevant in practice or is it a convenient way for society to shift blame off the offender . I often here this, particularly when describing serial killers or the like. If so is it understood what pushes someone from conventional behaviors to violent ones.
Ok I know why I'm bpd...it's bc I got two opposing messages from two men of central authority in my life as a 12-13yr old...this confused me to the point where I'm now so confused about sex and what is ok and what is not, that I have for yrs not had sex due to touch aversion sexual in nature. However affection I would welcome, and that is what is needed so badly in my life.
I'm bpd too. I got zero messages about sex as I recently found out because my father was a closet gay pedophile and mother was a closet lesbian so what could they have taught my brother and I? I don't know if it was the cause but my opposing messages were as follows: (a) my father the psychopath would tell me not to care about what people think, do whatever Ii feel i need to do irregardless of consequences, look after #1 vs (b) my mother the narcissist who's message was to dress properly, keep my posture perfect, don't use rude language, nobody will approve of me unless I present well, etc. Father taught me not to care, be a psychopathic asshole if thats what it takes, Mother taught me to care too much because my success depends on what others think of me. My problem with sex has always been I can't and won't unless I feel or confabulate (ie lie to myself!!) an emotion connection... once passed that I get instantly addicted (ie attachment disorder!) and turn into a sex maniac who needs it 3-5 times per day from her (ie abandonment issues!)... so I take 3-5 years between sexual relationships because they drive me and especially her completely crazy. Remember Fatal Attraction? I'm exactly like that chick!
I forget if Dr. Grande has commented on this, but this video reminds me. Could you do a video examining a possible link between some BDSM practitioners and mental illness? I feel like there might be some kind of connection at least in some cases of practitioners. Plus obviously it has been becoming more common to explore BDSM in recent years, so there are more inexperienced practitioners believing they know what they're doing. And causing injury
This reminds me of so many male predatory killers - Wayne Couzens, Russell Williams, etc. Just obsessed with sex fantasies. I think misogyny or similar should be added. Many men would kill for sex... which is kind of insane really
This one ,to me was more difficult to understand but I believe you said that psychopathy may be considered to play a large role in recognizing and identifying certain disorders (common denominator)?🤔
Personal stuff here, structured in the form of a question (or, that's the idea). Feel free to not read, but it'd really help to know if I really am crazy or not. I have a feeling I'm going to regret this, but I also have felt quite lost for a long time. I feel like coming forward vaguely anonymously is a bit easier, because I've kind of been afraid of the idea of seeing a therapist for a while. Why? Because I have a couple of rather out there fetishes, that I'd bet serious money that you've never even heard of, or have thought "wait, people can be into that?". These kinks aren't even on the same planet as harmful, either to myself or others. I've been victim of child sex abuse more than once perpetrated by more than one person, and my family's dog was rescued from a social worker who was completely batshit insane - he was terrified of everything and everyone, and he's got missing teeth from being beaten. I have no concept of how people can get any form of enjoyment out of abusing animals or children - or anyone, really. It's not my thing. Both of my kinks have a huge caretaker aspect to them. I want to look after the objects of my desire (or, at least, this only applies to one of them), and it's not a power or control thing for me. What interests me is the love and affection aspect. It's not as though I didn't get enough of this or anything, but my childhood was rather traumatic for way too many reasons. Why it's these two particular things, I can only guess and say how it feels to me, but both things I've been interested in since I was a little kid. Basically, I want to share my love with things that might not have had much of that, because in our world, they're disposable. I know that in reality, it doesn't matter, but it feels nice to me. I'm under absolutely no illusion whatsoever that my love or affection will really help in the grand scheme of things, but I still like to think about them. I'm kind of going on about nothing here, but it's really hard for me to condense my feelings about such a large, such a private part of myself, down into a handful of paragraphs, while also tip-toeing around what the subject matter actually is. I'm sure if I just came right out and said it, it might make more sense, but shame and guilt is something I've always felt with this. I've got friends who *are* mental health professionals, but I'd rather they stay friends than me become their client. They say it's actually, genuinely quite sweet, and they think that I *should* adopt the object of my desire, because it'd make me much happier than I am. But there's always that part of me that wonders if they're trying to be nice. I'm fairly sure they're not just trying to be nice, but they genuinely mean it. I don't know what else to say. I've always been terrified that I meet some of the traits in this video. I've had relationships go south in a big way before, particularly my last one, but I know that I really messed that one up, and that if I could go back and do things differently, I would have. I've done some of these things even without realizing it, even if it seems bloody obvious now. I'm always scared of being a narcissist, even a vulnerable one, and that's why I'm working so damn hard to not be that guy. I don't want to hurt people, I don't find enjoyment in it, and knowing that I've hurt someone, upsets me massively, and my life is full of regret for it. I'm so lucky that I have the partner I do now, even if he is on the complete other side of the world to myself. He shares one of my kinks and encourages the other. I'm the luckiest guy alive to have him in my life (yes, I'm gay), but I still worry about doing something to fuck it all up. I'm sure I've come across as some crazy person, and I won't blame you if that's what you think, because I want to hear what you think - that's the whole point of this entire diatribe. I just want to answer at least a couple of these questions that have been floating around in my head for years. Thanks for listening.
Do licensed medical health professionals have better than average outcomes in their personal relationships? E.g. lower divorce rates? Other metrics relating to relationship health, happiness, durability?
NO. Better than average outcomes as well as overall happiness , according to Western research, are linked to religion, community involvement, and traditional family values.
My Dark Triad, oversexed and promiscuous ex- husband finally left me when I refused to have BDSM sex and other things that are painful. At one point he said that he though he had a hormone problem and ought to see a doctor, but he never did.
My ex is someone that needs to be studied. She has all the forms of narcissism is that even possible? She was dark when sex was involved and I would probably get in trouble for writing it on here but she uses her sex appeal and money when she has it and every time she has a bad day she calls me in front of dude and does the same thing she did to me and it's ridiculous
Carol Hartung Machiavellian is the philosophy of doing anything to get to the top. Trickery and felonies are some of the tools of a Machiavellian. Check out the book “The Prince.”
My dx Narc ex-husband (always identified as straight) became obsessed with a trans-woman half our age- who still maintained very masculine traits and a penis. It was an absolute insane amount of obsession. He spent 50K on this person in a matter of months. The devalue and discard were brutal. When reality hit he was done. Is this something that is unusual then????
I was surprised that psychopathy was most strongly associated with sex drive and wider range of sexual fantasies in the study, I would have guessed that narcissists or Machiavellians would have had a stronger association with sex drive and fantasies.
Like he said, psychopaths have less emotional connection, so they care more about the physical sexual aspect, while the narcissists are more concerned with the ego and attachment and emotional approvals that comes with sex, and being around someone that you feel close to.
Dr. Grande you eerily described my sisters personality in here. SHE is strongly and empathetically claims to be a Borderline Personality- what do you say about this form of mental disorder regarding to the dark triad?
These results kinda explain how Machiavellianism is differing from the other traits. So, the Machiavellianism is diffrent because of the contiousness it caries with it. While the the other questions for the dark triad test are ''i like \i feel'' the Machiavellianism ones are more statements, such as ''the people are easy to manipulate''. Which even if manipulation is common trate, answering a statement requiers contiusness and tought behind it. Example in that is when you are makind an essay, you are making statement and after that you are prooving it. If i am supposed to image present the triad it would be like this: differing from each N --non-agreement--P \ ( impulsive ) / w a i c l t l i \ o \ n M ( has impulse control as characeristic) Since the s*x drive is natural/ impulsive drive, the Machiavellists won't find the need for it, therefore the fantasies for it.
May be a few variations of dark triad. ASPD with high narcissism or NPD with aspd traits (malignant narcissist). Machiavellian is learned later in life. Can also see vulnerable narcissism in there cause aspd would see that as a weakness. Unqualified opinion 🙃