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Subtle Signs of the Dark Triad | Dark Personality Examples 

Dr. Todd Grande
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This video answers the question: Can I provide some of the subtle signs we see associated with the dark triad? Sometimes these are called the dark triad traits or referred to as the dark personality. The Dark Triad includes includes psychopathy, narcissism, and Machiavellianism.
When we think of the dark triad, we think of narcissism as the ‘lightest trait’ and psychopathy as the ‘darkest trait.’ These different traits have characteristics in common like empathy deficits, selfishness, a short-term mating style, as well as being competitive, antisocial, hedonistic, and having antagonism. We can think of antagonism as a low score on the agreeableness trait of the five-factor model.
Narcissism in the dark triad is really grandiose narcissism. We see characteristics like arrogance, being socially dominant, being self-centered, a sense of entitlement, and a tendency to manipulate others (we see this characteristic with all three of the dark triad traits). Psychopathy characteristics include callousness; a lack of empathy, remorse, or guilt; violating society's norms; being irresponsible; being impulsive; having shallow effect; and superficial charm. The trait of Machiavellianism includes antisocial behaviors, but they're usually conceptualized as white-collar crime. We also see cynicism, having good impulse control (so this would differentiate Machiavellianism from psychopathy), callousness and being goal-oriented (usually we conceptualize the goal as being negative).

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29 сен 2024

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Комментарии : 2,7 тыс.   
@catlady476
@catlady476 4 года назад
"inflated sense of romantic capabilities" - i have to remember this gem.
@hannahrose853
@hannahrose853 4 года назад
Like the guy who isn't interested in learning what you like because he's so convinced in his abilities to please? And in fact even when you tell him what you like, he disregards it because he thinks he knows what you want better than you do? Haha fuck my ex
@seka1986
@seka1986 4 года назад
Emina Džafo good ammo.
@Ron4885
@Ron4885 4 года назад
@Robert Patter lol :-)
@PetroicaRodinogaster264
@PetroicaRodinogaster264 4 года назад
Emina Džafo yes, I picked up on that and thought I hope I get a chance to use it some day.
@josephlittlefield2313
@josephlittlefield2313 4 года назад
Hello darling. I’m a single young quadrillionaire with record breaking romantic capabilities. Is it ok if I pick you up in my Ford Focus? My spaceship is in the shop. Darn thing always breaks down.
@mov1ngforward
@mov1ngforward 3 года назад
I liked my life more when I didn't know what a narcissist was and now I am learning about dark triad personalities. 😫 I want to live on top of a hill overlooking the ocean...ALONE with a cat.
@RikodiusRex
@RikodiusRex 2 года назад
Learning about it was the first step to avoiding these kind of relationships
@haze6647
@haze6647 2 года назад
Hahaha
@haze6647
@haze6647 2 года назад
You know why machivelanism isnt a problem? Someone get a mental problem🤕 Psychologist : "i wonder if i can profited from this?"🤔 LOL🤣 Are you really buying this? I am not, you have a brain, please use it.
@Vixinaful
@Vixinaful 2 года назад
I did that , I completely self isolate but even thats not ridding these types, now they come for me in my home. Theres no escaping them, theyre demonically evil. Its jumping fences, climbing hedges only to knock on my porch door. Police reports and restraining ordrs doesnt rid them either. You cant rid them!
@michelekisly2535
@michelekisly2535 2 года назад
No you don't...😨
@halfrutter2226
@halfrutter2226 5 лет назад
I was married to a man diagnosed with anti social personality disorder. What a long strange trip that was! Just glad I got therapy and got out. The subtle signs you spoke of... please don’t ignore them!
@SporadicUploads1
@SporadicUploads1 4 года назад
What did he do to you?
@suncity22001
@suncity22001 3 года назад
@Mike H the thing about anti social personality ( disorder) is that its anti society, which doesnt mean they are anti social, they just may not like some social etiquettes or doing some of those typical social settings. im a little anti social myself, sometimes i dont want to do what society expects me to do. sometimes im fed up with being a robot, a lot of artists want to break conventions or traditions, this is anti social, but in terms of friends they will have many, if no one was ever anti social we would probably all still live in caves.
@hanktrinker903
@hanktrinker903 3 года назад
@Mike H you telling someone to feel ashamed about abandoning a psychopath? Are you sane?
@glutachi_6621
@glutachi_6621 3 года назад
@Mike H It's bad if someone has personality disorder but that doesn't mean that others should pay the cost of being abused or what you called (co-existing). to protect the self everyone has the right to set boundaries.
@weiirdOzdotFU
@weiirdOzdotFU 3 года назад
@@hanktrinker903 you're on this guys videos learning about psychopaths and you still think they're what? evil? should just be cast out of society for being different? they're not all killers & rapists, it is not ok to think like this and aspd doesn't equal psychopathy
@Sandra-wj4on
@Sandra-wj4on 4 года назад
I have a sibling who when you have good news to share, they always have better news. Or when something bad happens, they always have a worse episode to tell. They can never let you have the moment...good or bad.
@chanuppuluri8726
@chanuppuluri8726 3 года назад
How insecure! Sheesh. I'm sorry Sandra.
@priscilalondon
@priscilalondon 3 года назад
My brother in law is the same. He is pathetic, yet he thinks he knows everything. What an a hole.
@chotasingh7939
@chotasingh7939 3 года назад
That's probably a Virgo.
@cynthiahoward2285
@cynthiahoward2285 2 года назад
Same… pretended to have bought a house the same time I got a new house. Really sad.
@melodi996
@melodi996 2 года назад
It doesn't mean they're anything like "dark"people, there're tons of psychological reasons to answer that way.
@itsjeninMass
@itsjeninMass 5 лет назад
This channel is fascinating. I really appreciate your willingness to educate people, Dr. Grande.
@brittaolson6550
@brittaolson6550 5 лет назад
I am so glad you pointed out the connection between people who feel they can always sense someone’s narcissism (and point out negative traits in others) and narcissism itself. I find it revolting, the degree of this that I see in the comments. Particularly when it is done in superior-acting way. Of course I should have realized that that’s because it reflects narcissism.
@AnimalsMatterMorally
@AnimalsMatterMorally 4 года назад
Excellent video. It's kind of unsettling though the kind of mental games of deflection that some people will play to protect their precious egos when they have dark triad traits but especially personality disorders like NPD.
@auntyb6313
@auntyb6313 4 года назад
I've never heared of this dark triad before... So interesting! my mother and siblings and extended family are riddled with these traits. I live near most of them, and work with five of them. I'm starting to think that I don't know many 'normal' people ?? Or is this the norm now? Definitely the norm in my life. I hate it, and I hate that the younger family members think that these behaviors are normal, and OK. I love binge watching these videos!!
@paigeharrison3909
@paigeharrison3909 3 года назад
There is a certain degree of heredibiity in psychopathy and narcissism. Not to mention the toxic atmosphere.
@amandastakeonit7402
@amandastakeonit7402 3 года назад
Normal is not a word recognized nor used in psychology at all. I am not nit picking, just letting you know there is no set normal. If you were to be in a session with a clinician, and said the same thing, they would ask you to please describe normal, or to use a different word(s).
@alexsky104
@alexsky104 14 дней назад
Some of us are unlucky
@terrimartin5663
@terrimartin5663 5 лет назад
Love your vocab lesson! Your humor is always dry, yet this time it's the ultimate!!!
@lorenrobertson8039
@lorenrobertson8039 3 года назад
Goodness this reminds me sooo much of my nursing career and nurses respond to others. It was rare to find honest and caring people in the work settings I experienced. With my own issues it was like being in the bullying atmosphere I endured at grade school (which I barely made it through and wanted to die every day). But I don't regret the other loving experiences I was able to give to my patients/residents and the few friends that were really caring people. I was easily duped by people that didn't have a care in the world for me, but were only identifying my weaknesses and buttons for later bullying and to use against me later on. We used to call ourselves porcupines as we would feel like there were knives in our back when we would get out of the building in the mornings.
@Garden366
@Garden366 Год назад
Nurses are the only profession I know that routinely eats their own, and makes regular snacks on their young.
@gayanngodfrey2824
@gayanngodfrey2824 6 месяцев назад
Yep that’s them
@jamessimon3433
@jamessimon3433 5 лет назад
This is fascinating. Thanks for your work
@DrGrande
@DrGrande 5 лет назад
You are quite welcome!
@FreeJulianAssange23
@FreeJulianAssange23 5 лет назад
Another one is a person who learns something new, - then uses it along with, “Oh my god you didn’t know about this? You must live on another planet, everyone knows about it.” Lol, I can sort of catch it but not always. One that I can never catch and I need to pay more attention is to people who use pity to take advantage of others. I fall for it almost every time and get taken advantage of.I could be because I have an unhealthy desire to feel needed.
@AE-wy7ze
@AE-wy7ze 3 года назад
I used to be a naive people pleaser. Listening to this I realized that now most of the description applies to me. I made it!
@taleandclawrock2606
@taleandclawrock2606 2 года назад
I remember reading about a study done on prison inmates with psychopathic or violent or anti social traits, where they watched a series of women walk through a room ( one way glass) and hypothetically 'chose their next victim', and unfortunately it appears they have a good read on which personalities look an easy mark, show signs of victimisation or submissiveness or weakness, such as hunched shoulders, lack of vigorous upright stride, anxiety traits etc. I do think we all should do a class on self protection and interpersonal risk while at school, as so many are blindsided by evil they never knew existed, and take risks without understanding more sensible choices they could have made. Eg, look at crime rate in neighbourhood, move away if possible, be trained in self defense, be aware and alert for risk, invest in personal and household security, try not to be alone, get a dog, order in food, exercise in safer areas, safer hours, do not identify as a victim, because A. It makes you feel like crap and B.the psychopaths can pick it and it makes further attacks more likely. We should be aware of human capacity for predatory behavior and know the signs to look for, stalking, controlling or grooming behaviours. .
@justgoddessesonly
@justgoddessesonly Год назад
Wow oh wow. This is so interesting. They are almost animalistic in their instinctual read of non-verbal cues.
@philipzerubbabel3583
@philipzerubbabel3583 8 месяцев назад
I found your channel today Dr. And I am grateful for your work. God bless ya! And hope, your content goes wild sooner. Deserves much more views as it is such a great educational content.
@southernborn1358
@southernborn1358 3 года назад
Dr. Grande, I don’t know if you read comments on older vids, but finding these narcissist video series by yourself and a couple of other highly respected doctors has been like an AHA! moment for myself & my husband regarding our oldest, grown child. A rollercoaster ride is not a sufficient explanation for the years of therapy, study for us, putting up with ridiculous behaviors, excusing some & keeping many a secret. As a parent, you never think that your child will have ANY bad tendencies or syndromes, as long as WE ARE GOOD ENOUGH PARENTS. It’s taken me a long time to come to terms without blaming myself, or us, for our kid’s mental illnesses, which are far worse than we knew years ago. This grownup now has found a therapist who believes her assertion that she has only ever been deeply depressed, given “her terrible childhood at our, or my hands.” We have backed away after being suddenly banished from our grandkids after Christmas, then allowed “back” after 3 months, then asked to take custody of the scapegoat child. It’s very complex, but at least we have our grandchild out of that toxic, bad situation.
@crsederwall
@crsederwall 3 года назад
I absolutely love your intellectual, dry since of humor.
@acharris
@acharris 4 года назад
There are a lot of people in power that seem to exhibit many elements of the dark triad
@2bullcrap
@2bullcrap 3 года назад
Sometimes, you have to be "in the wild" with people possessing these traits to see them in action. I believe some with dark triad traits are able to hide most during clinical interviews if, they come for treatment at all.
@BanditBandit-m5i
@BanditBandit-m5i Месяц назад
Not paying attention is more ADHD than narcissism and psychopathy. Sometimes people are just boring. Like this guy.
@jwinnfield9192
@jwinnfield9192 3 года назад
Overall i found this very interesting... never knew anti-penultimate was a thing and now just obsessing over why it is! But... i feel that all the examples are heavily dependent upon context at the time. However, i am finding your videos very engrossing!
@hazelangus
@hazelangus 2 года назад
Thank you for teaching me a new word - anti-penultimate, I had no idea! I used to date a man who used overly complex words. I still don't know whether he did it to appear clever or for comedy, because they were very obvious and exaggerated to the point of silliness. Like he'd say he had a beverage rather than a drink, or he perambulated rather than walked. Any workplace was an "establishment". It was pretty annoying, but he may have thought he was being funny.
@lopeden
@lopeden 4 года назад
The takeaway ive got so far is were usually talking about someone that makes pretty much everything about themselves, inserting themselves into the situation, wondering how it helps them, or projecting a bit, with things like they didnt deserve it(but I did) kind of thing.
@arumeh95
@arumeh95 6 месяцев назад
My father exhibits classic traits of Narcissitic Personality Disorder (NPD). Physical abuse against me as a child, severe verbal abuse of my mother and I, right before wheeling us out to friends and being boasted about to keep rich/powerful acquaintances interested. I worry I both inherited his narcissistic gene, AND have a completely Machiavellian personality type as a result! The more I delve into my psyche the more I isolate myself so friends don't view me as narcissitic/machiavellian. I cope by trying to limit my social interactions to just very close friends and my dog
@quebec0909
@quebec0909 4 года назад
Highly insightful presentation. But what is the cure?
@leigh4402
@leigh4402 3 года назад
Something similar happened to my brother with the penultimate scenario, in fact quite a few times. Where he would pretend he knows something and then gets caught not knowing it and he tries a variety of things from lying that there is another meaning to it, saying we didn't listen to him correctly so we have hearing problems, just dismissing or staying quiet and giving an angered look before slamming his door long story short never taking responsibility for being incorrect. One day he had a real big mask off and became violent, our uncle who normally doesn't visit us came over and my brother pulled this off and got called out by my uncle and unlike the rest of us my uncle has a very assertive personality so he basically verballing pushed my brother to the corner and my brother snapped and smash the door and tried to attack my uncle. Thankfully my uncle is huge and he easily overpowered my brother and he was tied up. Honestly i'm afraid of him, that someday he will do the same but unlike my uncle i'm disabled still i bought a cleaver that i keep under my pillow just in case one day.
@AustinSauce3
@AustinSauce3 Год назад
Thanks for sharing! Reading this was interesting
@WorldOfARandomVegan
@WorldOfARandomVegan 2 года назад
After 4.5 years with my ex, I know he is all 3. At first I wondered if he was narcissistic, then learned about machiavellianism and realized he hits a lot of those traits. Then I learned about Psychopaths, and he really is a psychopath based on his absolute lack of emotion and remorse, pathological lying and cunning behavior (conned me and others out of several thousands of dollars). He's all three, definitely the dark triad. He was CONSTANTLY talking about his dreams of success. So many ideas were supposed to bring him in millions of dollars. His motto: the end justifies the means.
@judahlehtonen9613
@judahlehtonen9613 3 года назад
The Doctor specifically told us the viewer that these signs don't necessarily mean you are diagnosed. It would be rare for someone to not to act upon one of these things. If you are watching this with the intention of seeing a black and white picture than you should be probably revise upon how this society works. Everything is not absolute and everything always changes just like the human mind. There will people who portray more of these traits and those who don't. This video is likely not intently demonizing these people but spreading awareness of signs that may be harmful to us if undetected. I watched this with the intent of understanding more of the world I live in by taking in what he is saying and forming my OWN ideas on the matter, as should any person looking to learn . This Doctor doesn't have all the answers but he does provide a lot to think about. (Please give your opinions if you feel differently on anything I said)
@EgaoKage
@EgaoKage Год назад
I wonder where fantasies of revenge fit in. Psychopaths often find the desire for revenge to be very strong; maybe even compulsory. I imagine that the presence of Machiavellianism, in a psychopath who motivated by revenge, would lead to a different outcome. Or the same outcome, but by a different route.
@CricketStyleJ
@CricketStyleJ 4 года назад
It sounds like I'm a bit Machiavellian, according to your description. I'm not selfish, uncaring, or cruel, but I'm cynical and have good impulse control. I'm not really convinced that these are bad traits, but I'm willing to learn more about it and I'll try to keep an open mind.
@deadeyedmillennialmedia
@deadeyedmillennialmedia 3 года назад
This is the penultimate video I've watched today.
@xombiekilla
@xombiekilla 9 месяцев назад
I'll tell you guys what's going on in the US and even in Israel right now: If a Prince wishes to conquer a country that does not wish to be conquered, he will be hated by its people. However, if the Prince hires criminals to vandalize, break windows, destroy livestock and crops, and burn barns, then the people will begin to panic; they will run around in fear and cry for help. Then, if the Prince heralded his arrival to come in and get rid of the same criminals that he initially bribed, he would be loved and praised as a hero by those people. They would be more inclined to hear him out. So, if the Prince surreptitiously walks to the back of someone's house to light it on fire, then returns to its front to sell the homeowner a fire extinguisher, that owner will not only pay whatever the Prince demands, but they'll also thank the Prince for being there to help them. It's a simple technique often used in warfare taught by Sun Tzu; "In the midst of chaos, there is also opportunity." The Prince still gets what he wants, and the people are none the wiser. This is called Machiavellianism.
@OSANA33
@OSANA33 2 месяца назад
True
@MasinaTai86
@MasinaTai86 5 лет назад
Very enlightening as always, do you know anything about sex abuse without physical touch...like sexualization of a child, is that a legitimate thing under trauma? Children being exposed to porn and even a sexual gesture.. Also I have one particular memory that didn't resurface until some years ago but there's a blank spot.. I confronted the person x3 in a subtle way and not once did they seem shocked or deny it.
@nicelydone4846
@nicelydone4846 5 лет назад
I have heard of this before. The example was a father develops an inappropriate relationship w his daughter. He never physically sexually a abused but he has inappropriate sexual conversations or buys her lingerie. I'm so sorry. It must have been so difficult to confront that person. I've confronted my abuser, too. It can feel like it didnt happen bc they claim it never happened. I'm still trying to get through it. I hope you're doing well. You are clearly a strong person💕😊
@MasinaTai86
@MasinaTai86 5 лет назад
@@nicelydone4846 Thank you so much for reaching out to me to say that, clearly you're a strong person!! I had something very similar with my dad. All the best, I think any kind of narcissistic abuse can in a way make you stronger but first you've gotta realize what happened and that it was wrong.. at least we can say this and at least know the basics of what is healthy in certain dynamics so that we don't carry forward what wasn't the ❤❤❤
@nicelydone4846
@nicelydone4846 5 лет назад
@@MasinaTai86 thank you for saying that. I feel like such a weak person. I know depression and anxiety is stealing years of my life. I definitely need to work on building self worth. The type of abuse you talked about is traumatic. I think it could be considered grooming. I have no proper education or training so not much help there. Maybe you could email dr. Grande. I've had a counselor and a therapist tell me my mom was a narcissist. One said she's a covert narcissist. Emotional abuse of a child has a lifelong impact. I'm sorry for your pain. I need a reminder that I do have control. It's up to us to treat ourselves. I've become my own teacher and I'm sure you have too. We have to unlearn many things and the odds are stacked against abuse victims. So yeah you're right we do have to be strong. We are strong. So many other people never confront their abuser. I dont feel strong but you're making me rethink that. 🧡
@inkandvinegar
@inkandvinegar 3 года назад
Thank you, Lemony Snicket, for teaching me the word penultimate and its definition.
@Cachi287
@Cachi287 4 года назад
i love learning new words
@elenabrown3542
@elenabrown3542 4 года назад
Hello Dr. Grande I found your videos are helpful to understand psychology issues better. My favorite so far is about gaslighting, it is strange I never heard about this term before, but definitely experienced in real life and aware of its effects. I have questions about your thoughts on other fiction characters, for example Alex in Clockwork Orange, what would be your idea of this personality. Thank you.
@EricKorbly
@EricKorbly Год назад
You’ve won me over. I enjoy some of your videos & find them very informative... Like this one.
@arlenecargill9883
@arlenecargill9883 2 года назад
I am glad that you said these are just subtle signs as think I must be machavelian! Lol. I like to grab opportunities as it is definitely not what you know but who you know LOL
@icefalcon2243
@icefalcon2243 4 года назад
I’m not kidding this sounds like every one I know. And me saying that means me too. Dangit!!
@SI-ln6tc
@SI-ln6tc 3 года назад
That's why some people are critical of the psychiatric industry. Some says its fake science.
@nichtsicher422
@nichtsicher422 3 года назад
@@SI-ln6tc Well it was said at least five times that even, if a person says all the things it's sure that the person is dark triad. It was further stated that dark triad in this context means sub clinical so it wouldn't even count as personality disorder....
@Smoker2110
@Smoker2110 3 года назад
omg, the penultimate thing..lol. i can't even count the number of conversations i've had about word definitions. i've learned that words mean what the narcissist says they mean at that moment. thing is..i have a really good vocabulary and they have catch phrases, slang and the energy to talk circles around me.
@kristinamullen4066
@kristinamullen4066 4 года назад
Honestly, some people are painfully booorrrriiing, and they go on and on about dreadfully dull subjects.Its very hard to stay focused!
@Jess-kn8vl
@Jess-kn8vl 4 года назад
Some of this reminds me of some surgeons ive met. No bedside manner. But they are actually the ones I prefer if I had to be treated because they take such pride in being the best with the highest success rate 😉
@rosiehawtrey
@rosiehawtrey 2 года назад
Most tone-deaf surgeon award I've ever seen was the male sex reassignment surgeon who'd walk into the pre surgical ward in spandex cycling shorts and bugger all else. The guy had all the tact of a Bouncing Betty in a San Francisco bath house.
@Jess-kn8vl
@Jess-kn8vl 2 года назад
@@rosiehawtrey Gross! Hahaha
@olasmith8132
@olasmith8132 2 года назад
If someone gets promoted would not the correct response be dependant on the person who got promoted and how and why,.....I mean for some people I would be celebrating with them and wishing them every success, but for others I certainly would not.
@ty2010
@ty2010 4 года назад
So, about 5-10% of people in rural areas and 60% of those in urban areas. If around those types too much I end up picking up a few of those myself, then it's a bit of checking myself and shuddering when around normal people again.
@kimberlygabaldon3260
@kimberlygabaldon3260 2 года назад
I had a narc boss who i suspect may have been a dark triad. One day, we were alone at the shop we worked in, and she told me, "Gee, you're so compartmentalized." I had a vague idea of what that meant, but felt certain that she did not. I asked her, "What do you mean?" She responded with "Um... I mean... um... that you are... um... compartmentalized." I knew that she was in contact with someone else who despised me, (an even bigger narc), and as soon as she used the word, i guessed that she had been coached to say that.
@erikvonerik
@erikvonerik 3 года назад
Excellent use of the words “ultimate”, “penultimate “, and “anti penultimate “. Of, course there’s far more here that is going on than you even understand and it was all a part of my master plan . 😂😂😂
@TheRiquelmeONE
@TheRiquelmeONE 4 года назад
i always have to chuckle a bit when you describe narcissism because it describes a friend of mine to perfection. It seems like hes the incarnation of narcissism. I think he could become a research subject for psychologists.
@gspurlock1118
@gspurlock1118 Год назад
Thanks for another great video. Do you have any videos on helping a person in the grips of a dark triad personality realize it? Or, are there signs in a close associate of a dark triad personality who is being used and manipulated by that dark triad personality?
@elenajohnson6336
@elenajohnson6336 4 года назад
I’ve noticed at lot of DTs either have flat-out horrible voices or a very rehearsed sounding “nice voice”. Probably coincidental but I think it’s quite interesting regardless.
@bootscooty
@bootscooty 4 года назад
All these videos talking about how to recognize it in someone else but never do we want to find it in ourselves. No, we're pure and wonderful
@JK-jj9ko
@JK-jj9ko 2 года назад
i work with someone like this who always is more tired than i am, more in pain than i am, more stressed than i am, though i show up to work on time or early and leave late and do all the tasks she refuses to do, do her job and she complains how she is tired when i am the exhausted one/ how her family brothers and sisters are so close and tight nit more than mine are, how when her family members die that she has not seen in 10 years who are cousins of cousins or uncles of a few generations, she is so affected by their death that she cannot function at work needs to take a day off (everyone must feel sorry for her), but when someone dies in my family "death is a part of life", she talks over me when i am talking to someone else , stands in front of me with her back turned towards me when i am in the middle of a conversation with someone else which she was not part of the conversation. When you tell her she is wrong or when someone has said something that is not according to her agenda, she will turn it into i didn't hear what that person said, or that never happened or no you heard wrong, i never told you that, you didn't hear my correctly. She is always showing me pictures of when she was young, like i couldn't give a rats arse what she looked like. I get sick of her always talking about her family and her culture like its the best thing since sliced bread, but soon as i start talking about my culture she will cut me off and talk about hers again "yawn" . When she was yelling at me, i told her off in front of HR and told her that if she speaks to me like that again she can take it straight to HR and she blantly said i didn't yell at you , and i said ok take it to HR then and she never did have the guts to go to them. She always uses the word kindly, can you kindly do this to make it look like she is a nice person, but there are team members who have quit because they are sick of her BS , another girl resigned to a better position and the look in her face was of complete jealousy and hate. The other girl i work with is exactly the same, very jealous of anyone who is prettier than she is always bitching about the girl who did botox or surgery and how she would never do it herself and yet her nose and face is a carbon copy surgery of her friend and every other girl who is the same nationality as she is, she is lazy, has no clue what she is doing, covers one other office for 1 day and has the audacity to say the other lady doesn't know what she is doing when she is the dumb arse who cant do a simple booking and she wonders why a big telecommunications company kicked her arse first in the pandemic. When i give her an instruction to do something "she is too busy now as she has just started doing the task at 1 pm which she was supposed to be doing at 9 am instead of doing jack all for 5 hours.
@eugenmalatov5470
@eugenmalatov5470 7 месяцев назад
Grande lives in fantasy land - the normal and probably therefore also healthy reaction to hearing about a collegues fortune is envy and resentment. Especially in very competitive environments. Call my psychopatic and cynic, but I think this is just the empirical reality.
@wilhelmu
@wilhelmu 5 лет назад
is it machiavellian of me that i watch these videos to learn what to say to make people think im not dark triad?
@saharaofthedeep
@saharaofthedeep 5 лет назад
It could be. Why do you think you have to defend your motives? Are you trying to deceive someone, or do the people you surround yourself with set a low bar for you?
@wilhelmu
@wilhelmu 5 лет назад
@@saharaofthedeep Huh. That's interesting question! I guess it's about choice; power; control; I want to be the one who decides what other people know or think about me. The last thing I need is someone figuring out i have some kind of mental disorder or spreading some unwanted rumours about me.
@saharaofthedeep
@saharaofthedeep 5 лет назад
You should probably be more concerned about whether or not you have a mental disorder. If you have control over your own life, you may feel less of a need to control others opinions of you. If you dont have a disorder, you won't show any signs, nobody will think you have one. Also, general concern about how you are treating others would be a sign you don't have dark triad (in my opinion.) A desire to control how others are thinking of you is opportunistic, but without a lack of empathy/malevolent or manipulative behavior, that could just be a projection of a lack of control in your current life, or maybe you have not faced something from your past.
@wilhelmu
@wilhelmu 4 года назад
@Dennis Helgi nope
@wilhelmu
@wilhelmu 4 года назад
@Dennis Helgi which one?
@sallyblatchford1585
@sallyblatchford1585 2 года назад
In addition to this being an interesting video with good content, thank you for the opportunity to learn a couple new words :)
@ZabatheFrog
@ZabatheFrog 20 дней назад
A lot of these are symptoms of ADHD/autism. It would have been helpful to clarify the distinctions.
@cheshirecat2641
@cheshirecat2641 4 года назад
With promotions in work environment is really hard not to be clinical as an observer nowadays. Most people get promoted because either they are useless at what they do and this is the only way to deal with them as sacking is not an option (risk of tribunal cases) or they are bum family members with no clue - nepotism. Well at least in European countries. During my working career I've only seen handful of people who deserved promotion because of their skills, qualifications, education and value to the company. On the other note: I've just learned two new words and it's meaning: penultimate and antipenultimate.
@fosterchild1793
@fosterchild1793 3 года назад
Im not sure this will come across how i intend but im going to attempt this question regardless..: Speaking about narcissists in a general sense..obviously no ones likely ever going to be too willing to label themselves a narcissist or see themselves *in that light*... but at the same time one thing you mention often is how common many individual narcissitic traits are in all people to some degree or another...? And if so.. considering also how I seem to get this vibe about the people you speak about (narcissists/psychopaths/etc) as though they are stuck this way and theres not much hope for change etc.. is this the case? Or is their a way for people to manage, control, or counteract these particular individual narcissistic traits they may possess?
@Lindsey578
@Lindsey578 2 года назад
I’m not dr grande but I think I have your answer just from researching this stuff and the answer is yes more or less - one of the diagnostic criteria for narcissism and or psychopathy and any other cluster b personality disorder ( I know it doesn’t include psychopathy ) but they all are life long pervasive and long term maladaptive views and behaviors that typically are either antisocial , maladaptive,criminal thinking etc
@Lindsey578
@Lindsey578 2 года назад
There have been some small improvements w therapy for narcissist but very few if any that were successful long term or that resulted in significant permanent change- mostly it was just some short term small things that didn’t amount to much- most do not ever see treatment as they see everyone else as the problem
@LizzPaintz
@LizzPaintz 3 года назад
I don't fantasize about it, but it would nice to own an island to rest and relax and get away from it all. I think a lot of people would like that.
@ktpuss
@ktpuss 4 года назад
Hey, I found this very interesting but I worry some people here may accidentally label a person with this ‘dark triad’ eg. where you give the example of someone that is thinking of their own response while you’re still speaking and is not seeming like they’re engaging anymore. I see this happen often in my life as 2 family members have quite high adhd and my partner I’m pretty sure has Aspergers - I constantly feel not heard due to the trait you mention and also they can come over totally selfish and disinterested at times (if not doing something they’ve chosen) but they are not part of this pathology therefore I hope others here can bear this in mind when trying to work others out.
@luislinares9481
@luislinares9481 3 года назад
Worst part is having to not scare people when they i look at them with cold empty eyes, they dont know how to act
@anthonyramirez7272
@anthonyramirez7272 4 года назад
I’m so frustrated because I want to understand Machiavellianism; but, for some reason, I can’t get it! It feels like it’s almost there; but, it’s just not clicking into place
@MysteriousForcesLive
@MysteriousForcesLive 5 лет назад
This is stupid! I can do a much better job at explaining this. My insights into these traits are far superior to Mr. Doctor Whatever’s here. Just kidding. Really good stuff. And I learned a new word (anti penultimate). It’s refreshing to hear these concepts presented in such a straightforward approach. I just found this channel, and I’ll be watching many of these videos. Please keep up the good work!
@OSuzieQBabyILuvU
@OSuzieQBabyILuvU Год назад
When it comes to personality traits and disorders I wonder if there is a spectrum and a tipping point. I have ADHD. It is to be human to sometimes be distracted, forgetful, disorganized, etc., but it is the extent to which it affects my life that warrants the diagnosis. I suppose we are programmed to look out for no. 1 to some degree. I have several people in my life who display narcissistic tendencies, but it is not relentless as I have read in other comments here so one wonders how much is too much. There is definitely love, but in our extended family there is also trauma, depression, autism, and ADHD (all of which are gaslighted, though experienced, by the older generation) My autistic daughter has an innate need to make sure information is correct, but is not able to see how it affects the other person until it is explained to her. I suppose I'm just thinking out loud here on this journey to continue to be compassionate but learn to set boundaries. I'd love to hear some thoughts.
@stephclark50
@stephclark50 3 года назад
“The poor listener example” “somebody not being good at listening” “bored with what you’re saying” My ADHD ass: *sweats*
@Hellakiddie
@Hellakiddie 3 года назад
You’re ok 🥺✊🏽
@stephclark50
@stephclark50 3 года назад
@@Hellakiddie ty 🥰❤️💕❤️
@Ocelot80524
@Ocelot80524 3 года назад
we're just a prime example for his disclaimer at the beginning ^_^
@andresmartinezramos7513
@andresmartinezramos7513 3 года назад
Jajajaja
@Exorcist364xs
@Exorcist364xs 3 года назад
Saaaame
@TheGreatSnoozer
@TheGreatSnoozer 5 лет назад
Just a quick heads up, If you're talking to someone and they're nodding, smiling superficially and looking away, it doesn't necessarily mean they're dark. You might just be boring.
@scottfamily5963
@scottfamily5963 5 лет назад
Funny!
@eosis3685
@eosis3685 5 лет назад
I smile a lot because I want others to like me, because I was bullied and have trust issues since very young, I cannot handle gossip, joking and looks. I smile a lot even when I'am not happy, but because it make me feel good but not real happiness. and I'am afraid.
@vanessaculater9038
@vanessaculater9038 5 лет назад
@@eosis3685 when I am like that I get mad at myself but I've learned a trick that can help bring about some change which is what's needed here....PRETEND to like someone and what happens is your brain cant distinguish between real feelings or pretending after awhile..that's really great! Please try that and set a goal to find something else to pretend to like..its a good snowball effect
@ResidentMilf
@ResidentMilf 5 лет назад
Or maybe they have ADD and a butterfly flew past, but they really are interested in what you're saying.
@samanthawulfsohn4855
@samanthawulfsohn4855 5 лет назад
Idk its a different feeling though if you’re politely smiling and looking around to give a signal that you don’t wanna talk vs someone putting on the right facial expression while totally not interested. I’ve seen it and it’s creepy.
@tomryan9827
@tomryan9827 5 лет назад
My personal experience with narcissists is that their biggest giveaway is that they intentionally and progressively violate boundaries. They start out with small tests, and push farther and farther at a relentless pace. They will consistently do things that other people just don't do, and it will feel weird. If you find yourself saying "well, that's just Steve" a lot, it might be a warning sign. If Steve's negative behavior can only be explained by the fact that he's Steve, he's probably doing a lot of stuff healthy people just don't do. Pushing boundaries is all about gaining control of people imo. Narcissists will use any leverage they can find to exert power. They will appoint themselves the enforcer of inconsequential social norms. They will point out insignificant flaws in your behavior, like driving slightly too close to another lane for a few seconds. They will tell you to do things you're going to do anyway to make it look like they're in control of you - they're always waiting for your shoelace to come undone, so they can tell you to tie it. They will point out "mistakes" that are not mistakes. They love to show you the "right way" to do inconsequential things, like how to open a can of cat food, or take a pizza out of the oven (actual examples...). They love adolescent social customs that allow them to project a 'win,' like calling shotgun, and the slugbug game. They are all about gaining control over people by undermining other's competence and inflating their own. They weaponize any sort of guidelines for behavior that they think you might agree with: moral, social custom, peer pressure, self-interest, logic, insecurities, and any other leverage point they can find. They look for things that are difficult to explicitly disagree with, even though they are inconsequential or distorted, and use that to make themselves look bigger and others look smaller. They're very tiresome to be around, because they never stop pushing. Conversation with them is actually just an arena in which they are constantly battling you, even if you don't realize it.
@kikib.4519
@kikib.4519 5 лет назад
yes I agree.
@izy931
@izy931 5 лет назад
Nice comment. How to deal with this kind of person?
@lynncraig6151
@lynncraig6151 5 лет назад
Tom Ryan ....Thankyou for your wisdom.
@trailwindz7833
@trailwindz7833 5 лет назад
Other actual behaviors: telling me how to cut butter, open up a bottle of champagne or how to peel a potato. All within a ten minute span.
@causechaos9415
@causechaos9415 5 лет назад
This hit really close to home for describing someone very close to me.
@kaylacarpenter272
@kaylacarpenter272 4 года назад
Do an analysis on yourself. That would be hilarious. And do it in third person, while showing little pictures of your own face.
@kaylacarpenter272
@kaylacarpenter272 4 года назад
@James Bond I'd smoke a J and die about it.
@patrickfuller6132
@patrickfuller6132 3 года назад
Such a brilliant idea 💡 hahahahah
@FrancesShear
@FrancesShear 3 года назад
Wouldn't it! Kind of like a portrayal of all the reasons for his rise closer to the top of You-Tube fame.
@MafferDragonhandEyed
@MafferDragonhandEyed 3 года назад
You know after reading this he considered it..
@DanielaGarcia-pk1tz
@DanielaGarcia-pk1tz 3 года назад
This is the best idea I've ever heard. I can see him analyzing himself with his dry sense of humor. Maybe he'll do it, I've heard that shrinks are the craziest people on earth. All that mind knowledge, I guess.
@DualFrodo
@DualFrodo 4 года назад
Wouldn't mind a bit of Machiavellianism. I can't even plan what to do with a day off
@jbw6823
@jbw6823 4 года назад
Read "The Prince".
@0ldfinger
@0ldfinger 4 года назад
Binge watch Sevco thrashings, there’s a suggestion 🍀🍀🍀
@shanechenmusic
@shanechenmusic 4 года назад
Chris Tully From what I know about it, it seems like a huge advantage actually. Even in extreme cases, it is not really a disorder
@grabnsmash4981
@grabnsmash4981 4 года назад
@@shanechenmusic It is a negative trait... once people know that you are an extreme MACH people will avoid you and defame you. Your reputation will get damaged at a local and social scale . It is advantageous until you get caught and , believe it or not , it is hard to hide a thing like this for a very long time. Despite the disadvantages, I believe having a moderate amount of Machiavellianism is good for the sense.
@Drewzdev
@Drewzdev 4 года назад
@@jbw6823 ends up just rewatching the matrix series.
@tunkytunky
@tunkytunky 4 года назад
When you talked about the "Bad news" part, I was surprised that you didn't mention that some people's eyes absolutely light up when they hear about something bad that happened to someone else, EVEN A FRIEND. I've seen this and it's one of the most evil things I've witnessed.
@truthmerchant1
@truthmerchant1 4 года назад
Yes, its called schadenfreude.
@ashleygash3087
@ashleygash3087 4 года назад
I know exactly what you’re talking about! Really turns your stomach when you see it.
@kian8382
@kian8382 4 года назад
Which is why I nicknamed someone "bad news".
@cerealkiillar
@cerealkiillar 4 года назад
Yes, so true. Finding joy in the misery of others is the very definition of evil.
@lawrencefeldman7744
@lawrencefeldman7744 4 года назад
Whole lotta that.
@Estelle-Maureen
@Estelle-Maureen 5 лет назад
How is it that psychopaths and narcissists seem to have a surplus of mental energy and the rest of us need a nap?
@amaiyagrace
@amaiyagrace 5 лет назад
Estelle A Exactly by the time I finally get away or they just go home I feel like I have been through a washing machine set on high spin and I’m wiped out completely. I have left dark triads as soon as I get to literally a safe place the first thing I do is let out a big sigh of relief to be away from that toxicity and danger.
@amaiyagrace
@amaiyagrace 5 лет назад
I have dealt with dark triads that have no problem telling people during a major fight that they started that they have no problem killing or beating me up and going to jail I already have been in prison so I don’t give a f****! I’m like ok I’m getting a safety plan and get out of here ASAP.
@scottfamily5963
@scottfamily5963 5 лет назад
Ha ha ha! Too true!
@YukiLeiu
@YukiLeiu 5 лет назад
I assume a lot of them are extroverted but I only know the basics of extroverts gain energy from being around people introverts gain energy from being alone and ambiverts are in between and idk if that influences or the fact if you have or don’t have psychopathy or narcissism relates if you are extroverted or introverted or ambiverted
@Hawaiiansky11
@Hawaiiansky11 5 лет назад
If you've ever read the Celestine Prophecy, I think it's because they literally 'suck' our energy, like a real life emotional vampire, leaving us drained and them energized.
@RajaMCool
@RajaMCool 5 лет назад
Narcissists are really dangerous. They are skilled at identifying people’s insecurities and will exploit them in order to improve their self-esteem. Narcissists also like to play favorites. They will deliberately praise someone in order to make another person feel bad. Honestly, I think narcissism is the worst of the three traits!
@tionytim3333
@tionytim3333 3 года назад
Totally agree with you! 100%
@malaika4960
@malaika4960 3 года назад
happened to me all the time with my soon to be ex spouse.
@amandastakeonit7402
@amandastakeonit7402 3 года назад
Many serial killers are psychopaths...I'm gonna name that one the badboy! No heart, no care, step an or kill anyone to get there!
@3amigos919
@3amigos919 3 года назад
Unfortunately many psychopaths also have narcissistic traits. Can it get much worse?
@ferociousgumby
@ferociousgumby 2 года назад
@@3amigos919 All psychopaths are narcissists, but not all narcissists are psychopaths. (See The Behaviour Panel!).
@danthompson1m
@danthompson1m 5 лет назад
You're an outstanding "public intellectual," enriching the community. We need more like you.
@clkh714
@clkh714 4 года назад
I can't even get away from political war here. 🙄
@LB-wo7jr
@LB-wo7jr 4 года назад
This is a very depressed man. Who could not be. He spends his every waking moment demonizing or pathologizing every iteration of human behavior. If it’s named/labeled it’s billable. There needs to be a happy medium.
@nonkdonk5896
@nonkdonk5896 3 года назад
@@LB-wo7jr how is he depressed
@c.annweddle1009
@c.annweddle1009 3 года назад
I've been surrounded by abusers my whole life and they have actively sabotaged any physiological help I had looked for and hid information on psychiatry from me so I wouldn't realize I was being abused and get help. I appreciate these videos, If I learned this type of information earlier I would have ghosted my abusive family members over a decade ago and not wasted 10 years with a wife beating rapist (covert narcissist). I'm getting divorced and getting my freedom back, some of that is thanks to educated people posting free informational videos.
@nd612
@nd612 3 года назад
I agree
@grahamstabler574
@grahamstabler574 3 года назад
"may talk about owning an island" Eyes widen and holds breath "they'll often do it with excess company" Sighs with relief and continues to day dream about island fantasy involving no other people.
@michaelzell5905
@michaelzell5905 5 лет назад
I knew a woman who was a talent booker for some bars and nightclubs. She knew a lot of musical artists and other minor celebrities, and she is not above name-dropping, often in the most appalling of ways. I ran into her at a show one time. I hadn't seen her in years and in the course of a 5 minute conversation she managed to name-drop a guitar player who had tragically killed himself. Now, this was someone she knew, apparently. She claimed to have seen him a few days or weeks before he died. She exclaimed, " I told him not to kill himself, but he didn't take my advice. He went ahead and did it anyway." Like, stupid guy, shoulda listened! I mean the guy died, and still she's the victim. Something off there.
@aseeds7785
@aseeds7785 3 года назад
Maybe he was haunting/possessing her and now stuck to name dropping himself talking in third person. If this the case she really is the victim.
@Annathroy
@Annathroy 2 года назад
@@aseeds7785 Yes and Occam's Razor is just a suggestion isn't it
@kimgordon3695
@kimgordon3695 2 года назад
That's CIA 😂
@visassess8607
@visassess8607 2 года назад
@@kimgordon3695 What?
@SpencerLemay
@SpencerLemay Год назад
@@visassess8607 Obviously the guy who killed himself was a dope who listened to the CIA instead of the narc lady. Sad! Many such cases.
@daniellabassano6718
@daniellabassano6718 3 года назад
With ADD/ADHD, people often interrupt inappropriately, blurt, or talk about how they can relate to what someone's talking about...Or we say it cuz are brain goes at warp speed and we're worried we'll forget the thought we're thinking...So those habits don't always translate into the "dark triad" or disinterest...Interesting topic though, as usual ❤
@Lindsey578
@Lindsey578 2 года назад
Yea I think you just described my issues with people I tend to try to just stay alone and talk w myself now- because unless I am really watching what I say and actively censoring myself people seem to misunderstand me and its easier to be alone
@juliacarlstad4437
@juliacarlstad4437 28 дней назад
Exactly.
@sethytrashroad2561
@sethytrashroad2561 5 лет назад
I will add that no eye contact/looking away *can* be a sign of being on the autism spectrum, and/or ADHD. So alone, it's definitely not a sign of the Dark Triad... only with the other things involved should it be seen as a red flag IMO
@aina3387
@aina3387 5 лет назад
Yeah, I score really low on the dark triad, but I have a hard time with that because I'm borderline ADHD.
@SarahO
@SarahO 5 лет назад
He said they were “subtle signs” several times and specified that one sign doesn’t mean they have a dark personality. He repeated this through the whole the video.
@brandydinsmore8214
@brandydinsmore8214 5 лет назад
Alternately, the person I know the most that’s a COv N Used to try to help me learn to maintain eye contact by staring me down on purpose so I would learn not to look away. He definitely fits the above description but he had no problems making eye contact if he was trying to intimidate. (And i’m on the ADHD range).
@phant0m0th_
@phant0m0th_ 5 лет назад
@@aina3387 same here. Bpd and ADHD. Some girl i met said that those two together were not possible lmao. Which is silly because one is a personality disorder and the other is neurological. Not the same thing, thus can occur comorbidly like my MDD and GAD. I just told her she isn't my doc; until they remove one diagnosis, then im going to continue to say it 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️
@TheRach995
@TheRach995 5 лет назад
avoiding eye contact can also be an OCD thing
@pocoeagle2
@pocoeagle2 5 лет назад
That were almost 27 minutes listening to you and I enjoyed every second of it. I can listen for hours to you Dr. Grande. Thank you :)
@DrGrande
@DrGrande 5 лет назад
You're welcome!
@eye-leenlove
@eye-leenlove 5 лет назад
pocoeagle2 - I second that!!! What a gift to my awareness Dr. Grande continues to be!
@mistythompson5579
@mistythompson5579 4 года назад
Recognised myself in some of that! Scary
@kevinjanghj
@kevinjanghj 5 лет назад
I believe that revisionism is a key trait of the dark triad. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths have a tendency to paint things differently from others and that means if pressed with a need to explain something that puts them at a disadvantage or blows their cover, they are likely to create a whole new spiel or spin on the story. Facts are not relevant for them. They can twist everything.
@Hawaiiansky11
@Hawaiiansky11 5 лет назад
...and they tell you that you just misinterpreted their words and claim that what they said meant something entirely different than what they actually said.
@vinayseth1114
@vinayseth1114 5 лет назад
So-all women?
@brieclayton9528
@brieclayton9528 5 лет назад
I have noticed this! I always looked at it as: they believe that whatever they say is the truth because everything essentially belongs to them, is an extension of them, so that they have a right to take anything they want. So, they can create and re-create reality right in front of you, and insist upon pain of death that it is real! For example, once I was physically hit by a narcissit, and I saw him pause to think about what he'd done then said to me "nothing happened to you". And from that moment forth, he had never physically struck me and I was considered crazy or evil for ever pretending that he had from that moment forward. He had recreated reality right in front of me, and it simply didn't matter what I had experienced!
@danthompson1m
@danthompson1m 5 лет назад
So - all Democrats?
@danthompson1m
@danthompson1m 5 лет назад
In all seriousness, this is how the left operates. Marx said not to argue, but fight, because intellectuals were the enemy. Derrida (Marxist philosopher) said there is no such thing as objective truth, only narrative; then took the leap to saying all narratives are about power relationships - very much what Dr. Grande is talking about here, only it is psychopathy become a political doctrine: a collective narcissism. Communist Saul Alinsky in his "Rules for Radicals" says "Attack, attack, attack!!" and "Accuse your opponent of whatever wrong you are engaged in." Hillary Clinton dedicated her senior thesis to Saul Alinsky. So I'm not just taking pot shots at Democrats. This is what they ARE. We all know, and THEY all know, that the President is neither a "Russian Spy," nor a "White Supremacist," nor did his request to Ukraine to investigate Biden constitute any sort of impeachable offense (as the Executive is in charge of enforcing the law, and Biden himself bragged of breaking the law in using the Vice Presidency to intimidate Ukraine into calling off an investigation targeting his son). The difference is that you can usually find a way to get away from a dark personality. But when the dark political movement of collectivism takes over a country, no one can get away, and in the 20th century, hundreds of millions were tortured and murdered because of it.
@Meeko58
@Meeko58 4 года назад
When I got a computer science job that I really wanted and I felt great that my education helped me walk through that door... My mother decided on two paths: one path was - yeah but that's not a real job.. you just sit on your ass all day. The second, when my coworker came over... and she said this same sentence without thinking... he spoke up and said "She was the best qualified for the job, she has all the skills and education we need, and its a very mind-work type of job which is just as hard if not harder than a physical labor job" Then my mother flipped and said, "She got those smarts from me" LOL!!! No congratulations or anything. And what's even more hilarious... she hates computers!!! She has always hated computers and kept computers out of the house until I absolutely needed one for college. Yet somehow, I got all my computer science smarts from her? LMAO!!!!!!!! I used to be disgusted and upset, now I look back and laugh at how obvious her mental illness was this all whole time. I just didn't know it fully until she made too many mistakes and I caught her. But of course, she denies everything...
@daisyflower8362
@daisyflower8362 4 года назад
Ummm...you do know you don’t HAVE to have a relationship with her right? Blood doesn’t mean we have to withstand abuse.
@JonathanHilierChannel
@JonathanHilierChannel 4 года назад
Shame... similarly when I decided to repaint my room gray... My mom didn't approve. When I was finished however, and everyone was admiring the color, she took credit for the color because she had picked it up from the shop! I just canned myself. (Not saying she's has a mental illness, but she has some manipulative tendencies.)
@brittney5563
@brittney5563 4 года назад
I’m sorry you went through this. It always breaks my heart to hear people dealing with NARC parents. I had a NARC boss and it was horrible.
@ns2443
@ns2443 4 года назад
Sounds like my mom...omg!
@theedmee
@theedmee 4 года назад
Yep, that's my mother, too. Takes credit for all my accomplishments, whereas my father proudly tells others about them and how hard I've worked. I learned early as a teen that saving money was my key to getting the hell out of her house, and it took me 2 years to do, but I got free after my first year of grad school. I think it's awesome that you studied CS, and hope your example helps other women/girls realize STEM is also for them.
@Ozma337
@Ozma337 5 лет назад
This video is fascinating. I suspect my mother is a dark triad. I learned about narcissism from her. She accuses everyone of narcissism. In her mind basically all of our extended family and many neighbors are narcissists. I never saw evidence that any of those people were narcissists. She also constantly accused others of lying or trying to swindle her somehow. The upside though, is I didn’t have to go no contact with her. She did it to me first, claiming I’m a malignant borderline. My suspected dark triad ex on the other hand , fit the other profile. He was oblivious to narcissistic behavior and was oddly comfortable amongst the chaos. When his family members engaged in lying, stealing and manipulative behavior he never had a problem with it. If I complained he acted like I was the crazy one for being upset by it. It’s so interesting to me that these are common enough manifestations for you to talk about. Thanks for sharing as always.
@jaredwilliams6853
@jaredwilliams6853 5 лет назад
Ozma337 you described my parents to a T they would tell me I’m lazy bc I’m not overly competitive with people and my mom acts like she’s a victim but whenever my dads around she’s laughing it up at other people’s expense then acts like an angel.
@overcomer4196
@overcomer4196 5 лет назад
count your blessings and stay no contact you do not want to live your life with a narc mom involved in it she will mess it up. and look out for every red flag for any other relationship you get into and if the signs appear .. RUN!!!
@nicelydone4846
@nicelydone4846 5 лет назад
@@jaredwilliams6853 🙄my mom does the same thing! I cant tell her anything about my life. She uses my siblings life accomplishments to try to get me to compete. She almost has my dad fooled but his ex wife was a narcissist to the extreme (physically abusive to him and their kids, used family court as a tool to alienate him from his daughters, had an affair with a neighbor and told the children their father cheated and that's why hes not around, etc)so by comparison my mother the covert narc looks like a decent human. My dad knows my mom is "off" to some extent but he doesnt like to acknowledge her behavior.
@veltonmeade1057
@veltonmeade1057 5 лет назад
Isn't it odd with how the very people that you dislike working with can be like our parents? It shows that our parents are not infallible nor perfect. I thought psychologists had a name for it. It's that point in time of a person's growth in which a child grows up and stops viewing their parents as infallible and now sees them as fallible.
@andreasleonlandgren3092
@andreasleonlandgren3092 5 лет назад
Velton Meade yeah there is def a phase like that
@lakshmimukundan
@lakshmimukundan 5 лет назад
When you wonder if you have narcissistic traits, do you really have it? Would a person have that much insight? Can a person be narcissistic towards only one person and be nice to everyone else?
@theedmee
@theedmee 4 года назад
I'm not sure, but I was able to parse out my anxiety with the help of my best friend at the time (college). It was only a tiny sliver of the awareness I have now at nearly 40, where I can see it coming most of the time and head it off at the pass. My mother is the narcissist you describe. I was the scapegoat/lazy/brat/idiot. She knew she could take no credit for my getting into the school I did or my grades/achievements, so she made my life hell. She used the excuse that her mother died early in life (true), and I should be grateful to even have her. Until I watched Dr. Grande's video on 'The Narcissistic Mother,' I couldn't put a name to her behavior.
@Dioleate
@Dioleate 3 года назад
I've dealt with different individuals who've been textbook narcs for most of my life. I know I'm different from them, but I'm also a very deeply flawed person in my own ways, so for me reminding myself of my very real mistakes is something I simply have to do. I believe for most of us, self-awareness is a necessary first step, but looking at my shortcomings, especially as a young man, it can only account for so much if you aren't also actively working on yourself.
@QuasiELVIS
@QuasiELVIS 3 года назад
I think they would suspect it but never admit it.
@humblewonder3260
@humblewonder3260 3 года назад
@@Dioleate real shit
@Jake94cool1
@Jake94cool1 3 года назад
They absolutely can treat people differently. Depends on how they see you and how much power they have over you.
@floofygod
@floofygod 4 года назад
Wow, you just explained teenage me. Now imagine your mind cracks when you're 22 and you feel all the guilt, shame, empathy, all at once.
@l4ym3n8
@l4ym3n8 4 года назад
This was me, too. I was diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder. Whatever your case/story may be I hope you are healing and doing better these days.
@theedmee
@theedmee 4 года назад
It was 19 for me. Years of an untreated anxiety disorder, mood disorder, and parents who wouldn't let me take even a semester off. I've come a long way, and I suspect you will, too.
@symkoko1776
@symkoko1776 3 года назад
I felt like this too when I was around 22,23,24...I thought I have quarter life crises. I was so unsatisfied with my life situation that I treated my boyfriend very poorly and I was constantly having mood shifts ...
@l.w.paradis2108
@l.w.paradis2108 3 года назад
So sorry that recovery hurt so much, but glad for you that you did.
@CaH6633
@CaH6633 3 года назад
Most teens are kinda fucked up. It may have literally just been you maturing.
@rerite2
@rerite2 4 года назад
Dr. Grande, can you give some examples from movies, books, plays, etc., that are -- though fictional characters -- display such behaviors? Thank you for your work.
@Hellakiddie
@Hellakiddie 3 года назад
Watch it’s okay to not be okay
@coltenkelso5764
@coltenkelso5764 2 года назад
breaking bad is a perfect example. walter white and gus are machiavellian. They both manipulate, are selfish, and care about money and do what it takes to get what they want.
@rundbaum
@rundbaum 5 лет назад
it's funny, you seem to be mentioning the "inappropriateness" of dark triad behaviour, all around (off-puttings remarks, reactions, etc . . . ) one thing i noticed a long time ago is that these types tend to give bad advice & dress it up as good--or when a criticism is warranted they withhold the criticism. for instance, there is a woman @ work many of us secretly think is a narc & it's funny how she'll swoon over the new people & donn this 'mother goose' exterior. yet every person she's ever bothered i notice ends up getting fired or gives subpar performance. i've listened to the advice she gives people & it's vanillan or even fatalistic, i feel sorry for anybody who has to sit by her. conversely, there have been many times i've asked an abuser (if i was in that kind of relationship) for healthy criticism. despite their critical nature, their response suddenly becomes 'i don't know' or 'you'll have to figure it out for yourself.' i realized a long time ago these dark triad people basically care nothing about my well being; what will be bad for me, they'll dress up as good--what's good, they'll go out of their way to portray as evil . . .
@brieclayton9528
@brieclayton9528 5 лет назад
True! They've got loads of advice until you really need some, and then it's their chance to look down on you like you are pathetic! Good point.
@racheljordan5450
@racheljordan5450 4 года назад
I agree! My partner does this strange thing were if I have put on weight he will say "wow, you're as light as a feather!" As I'm standing on the scales. It's almost as if he'd rather I continue bad habits than try to improve my health. Very confusing at times.
@ivy3839
@ivy3839 3 года назад
Hmm interesting , I have different experience. Got friend who I suspect is pure psychopath, Known him for years. He actually gives great advice on very serious and complicated situations because he’s not in touch with his feelings or empathy .He sees things very clearly and is actually helpful. He had been spot-on With most of the things I had trouble to figure out also she sees people for who they are right away anyway amazing ability.
@vallove4life
@vallove4life 3 года назад
Very telling! Wow!
@lunaloynaz-lopez2318
@lunaloynaz-lopez2318 2 года назад
@@ivy3839 Hey are you still friends with this person?
@rootRA2
@rootRA2 4 года назад
I love how you walk the middle ground of being specific, and clear at the same time. Impressive and insightful stuff.
@jessost1788
@jessost1788 5 лет назад
Can you talk more about things like substance use disorders and eating disorders?
@Colaglass
@Colaglass 5 лет назад
But they're so boring.
@eosis3685
@eosis3685 5 лет назад
Thats a good question.
@Colaglass
@Colaglass 5 лет назад
@@alexisburrows3171 Both are symptoms. Ultimately, and objectively, boring.
@dreyddog19
@dreyddog19 3 года назад
Yeah this really interest me as well.
@agronacilius4584
@agronacilius4584 4 года назад
According to this everyone in the balkans is in the dark triad lol
@holzerisms
@holzerisms 4 года назад
Filip Longstride LMAO
@nickg7552
@nickg7552 4 года назад
they are lmao
@felishisimoniel6916
@felishisimoniel6916 4 года назад
Da
@sarahangeleski2027
@sarahangeleski2027 4 года назад
Sounds like a projection, actually.
@felishisimoniel6916
@felishisimoniel6916 4 года назад
@@sarahangeleski2027 sounds like humor, actually. He's joking. But it takes intelligence to get that
@allakitaeva474
@allakitaeva474 4 года назад
Hahahhah omg RU-vid closed captions say “my name is Doctor Gandhi” 🤣
@anarki777
@anarki777 5 лет назад
Well, I learned a new word today: antepenultimate. Does this mean I'm not a raging psychopath?
@seka1986
@seka1986 4 года назад
anarki777 it means you are!
@utubewatcher806
@utubewatcher806 4 года назад
Yes, but did you take note of his preantepenultimate remarks?
@InceRumul
@InceRumul 4 года назад
I had no idea that was even a word. And I'd have guessed it was the second item in a list; never would have guessed 3rd from last.
@AngelWest58
@AngelWest58 3 года назад
@@InceRumul in the hole
@enricosanchez894
@enricosanchez894 3 года назад
No, it just means you were able to learn a new word, despite your potential psychopathy.
@imzjustplayin
@imzjustplayin 5 лет назад
The more I watch these videos, the more I come to the conclusion that pretty much everybody has some form of a personality disorder at least some of the time. I've also noticed that people who are highly successful definitely have some sort of personality/mental disorder that they use to their advantage.
@redlikewine7840
@redlikewine7840 4 года назад
I think we all have traits of everything but most of us don't meet the criteria for a bona fide personality disorder. I only have a bachelor's degree in psychology, but when I took all my psychology classes, I remember thinking I had every disorder. I remember thinking, "I must really be mentally ill". :-D I would sit there and say to myself, "that's me! that's me, too!"
@imzjustplayin
@imzjustplayin 4 года назад
@@redlikewine7840 I thought the only criteria there was for any 'disorder' is if it causes problems for the afflicted person or others they interact with.
@LB-wo7jr
@LB-wo7jr 3 года назад
Incorrect diagnoses cause significant harm.
@bagelz3359
@bagelz3359 3 года назад
Carl Jung psychology explains that "non normal" people simply have Neurotic tendencies and "Disorders" don't exist. Example: An Anti social person could have anxiety and depression , the cure is a better diet to change the body's chemistry to make Serotonin then get more sunlight to cure the depression . Doctors now will say you need/10 pills a day for something simple....... Sickness sells better than sex
@belieall9974
@belieall9974 3 года назад
@@imzjustplayin yup. everybody can have a particular trait, or "abnormality" you can say, but as long as it doesn't impair functioning and relationships, there is no problem. you can just write it off as their personality (eg. Tessa is selfish, but not to the point of being completely self-absorbed and callous, so Tessa is just sometimes unpleasant to be around)
@moonlightlady9703
@moonlightlady9703 5 лет назад
I have a tendency to look into space during a conversation, but I have ADD and my attention wanders. As a child, my teacher would go into soft focus while I fantasised about riding horses during a math lesson :)
@Hanan-pk8kc
@Hanan-pk8kc 4 года назад
@Jewels Star this describes someone I know to a T. I’ve been doubting myself but now I know to trust my instincts. Thanks for the info
@cherihill2003
@cherihill2003 3 года назад
That sounds like me 50 years ago. We didn't have all those diagnosis back then. I believe the term that applied was "daydreamer "
@Ocelot80524
@Ocelot80524 3 года назад
adhd also tends to tell tangentially related anecdotes as a way of bonding/showing we relate to what the other person said/that we were listening :D i fidget and look around but if i try to stare at someone i'm thinking about their face, their eyebrows, the color of their eyes, their hair line, noses and lips are distracting af, no idea what they said. as soon as i'm doing something or looking at something vague like "out the window" i can actually pay attention. it's good and bad at work, because i can talk nonstop while actually working. meanwhile, everyone else is like "stfu i can't focus on these tickets ahhhhh" i commented it on another comment but- we're a good example as to why he's got a disclaimer not to use these descriptions to diagnose anyone
@jackorlove4055
@jackorlove4055 3 года назад
@@Ocelot80524 the struggle, I feel you, as a fellow person with ADHD. That's why I always look away when I'm talking to someone, because I have an easier time replying to them. If I look at them, I get super distracted.
@Voidforestbird
@Voidforestbird 5 лет назад
Interesting. I do find myself doing some of these things as a way of setting boundaries when dealing with very draining and self centered individuals to preserve my own energy. Some people in my family have a tendency to get into easily preventable problems and it's very hard to empathise when it happens every few weeks. It's not like I don't care, but they need to take responsibility and not just talk about it. I can help, but I won't hear the same complaints repeated endlessly if all they just want to hear their own voice and get mad if anyone slightly disagrees or tries to look at the case from a different perspective. I guess the key difference is that this is coping mechanisms that I've developed, and not really my natural pattern. I want to empathize and help, but I'm afraid of getting sucked into difficult situations.
@Voidforestbird
@Voidforestbird 5 лет назад
You could say that it is a way of mirroring someone to show them how they act. Sometimes people are just clumsy and it is revealed that they are nice after all, but other times it reveals that you might want to avoid the individual.
@user-et1kf7dr8i
@user-et1kf7dr8i 3 года назад
The mirroring someone to show them how they act , wow that’s spot on to how I feel. This is helpful and validating to my experience.
@Lindsey578
@Lindsey578 2 года назад
I’m with you on that
@ottawaandy8580
@ottawaandy8580 5 лет назад
This should be taught in high school so more people can avoid that first crappy marriage. Does any teenager really give a shit about the war of 1812?
@kayceelee60
@kayceelee60 5 лет назад
Omg right on. I totally agree. Why the hell aren't they teaching kids about abuse and the warning signs, it's nuts considering the world is infested by it.
@malaika4960
@malaika4960 3 года назад
I keep saying this to anyone who would listen!
@christinah.8504
@christinah.8504 5 лет назад
but some people really do get promotions by being a sycophant. It's almost like being called out as being bitter but in reality, this does happen more than it should. I think a lot of supervisors really do appreciate having "smoke blown up their rears".
@Wrz2e
@Wrz2e 5 лет назад
Agree. Working in a call centre environment - the people who get promoted are the ass-kissers, snitches and family members of managers. The best workers stay at the bottom rung.
@MBVunderground
@MBVunderground 5 лет назад
I agree. And I like this guy's videos but I think some of his examples in this video are wrong. In general, just because someone isn't interested or showing empathy doesn't mean it is indicative of having the dark triad traits! Maybe they just are not close to you and don't care. OR...maybe the person GETTING this treatment is just an attention seeker, or talks too much, or boring! I think this video is WAY to general and therefore, misleading.
@billieteggers2661
@billieteggers2661 5 лет назад
I think he means that a person with dark triad personality traits would make those accusations whether they were justified or not.
@TheMunchlet
@TheMunchlet 5 лет назад
@@alexisburrows3171 Obvious troll is... well, you. Not to mention that you are acting like an ass-kissing sycophant (does Dr. Grande really need people like you) and launching an unprovoked ad hominem attack on MBVunderground. Not a shred of evidence have you presented to refute this criticism. Nothing but character assassination on display here, and it's vicious. A decent person engages in healthy debate over the issues at hand. S/he does not attempt to destroy someone's reputation while hiding behind a computer screen. I do wonder what triggered this overreaction?
@chrisd4655
@chrisd4655 5 лет назад
Christina H. I think that’s pretty well known. A large percentage of the prison population is psychopathic, but only a small percentage of psychopaths are in prison. Many CEOs are psychopaths. Many leaders are. Hitler and Trump for example.
@nanali7245
@nanali7245 Год назад
Wow! This describes my brother. He is constantly reminding everyone he has a Masters in Psychology & he doesn't waste his time talking to stupid people. A couple of years ago for Christmas he gave everyone a small poster size picture of himself wearing his cap & gown holding his degree
@AustinSauce3
@AustinSauce3 Год назад
Lol
@BrainDamageComedy
@BrainDamageComedy Год назад
omg thats hilarious!
@csc8697
@csc8697 Год назад
That's hysterical! 🤣
@Nathalie7774
@Nathalie7774 Год назад
I have a sister like that.
@justgoddessesonly
@justgoddessesonly Год назад
😂😂😂It's giving Michael Scott from the office😅.
@allisonmichelle4419
@allisonmichelle4419 4 года назад
This was a really interesting video...I’m hooked on your channel now. Been watching since we began self-isolation due to COVID-19. Keep up the great content! 👍🏻
@brazenbull636
@brazenbull636 5 лет назад
I realized 2 of my good friends of 20 years growing up are like this. Once I pulled ahead of them in life I got shat on. Once the confidence of success set in and I was unable to be suggested to or otherwise controlled. I was dropped (about a year between the two, one was psychopathic, the other narcissistic/makeavelian). Like 20 years meant nothing. Fuckem. My life's only gotten better without them..
@humblewonder3260
@humblewonder3260 3 года назад
Makeavelian? 😂 you mean machiavellian
@brazenbull636
@brazenbull636 3 года назад
@@humblewonder3260 thanks
@fullbeans983
@fullbeans983 2 года назад
I feel you man, had the same shit my whole childhood. Was only ever welcome to buff their egos and take blame for everything that ever went wrong for them. Tried to destroy every relationship I had, tried to cockblock every opportunity and it would always result in violence if I was to tell it how it was. Sticking firm to who you are will make them outburst in rage. 1 of them punched me one night when he was drunk and when I refused to hit him back, he screamed "fight me" and started to punch himself in the face while trying to call me a pussy. Safe to say I have nothing to do with them anymore.
@EdwardAveyard
@EdwardAveyard 4 года назад
I was very pleased to hear that at 22:15. The phrase "It's complicated" gets on my nerves. I find that people say it when they don't have a good excuse for what they're doing. It's a bit like saying "Stop asking me questions".
@bongsilla8109
@bongsilla8109 3 года назад
"Dude what are you doin with that womans head?".."Uhm.. it's complicated!".."Okay, nevermind."
@give_peas_a_chance
@give_peas_a_chance 3 года назад
Ex got this glint in his eye when he'd upset me. And a weird grin.
@fiona1407
@fiona1407 3 года назад
Sounds like a Sadist
@monicanapier9087
@monicanapier9087 3 года назад
My ex narc too
@jamesalton1469
@jamesalton1469 3 года назад
And this is exactly why I now am getting a counselor and a therapist. I took pride in ruining entire lives and families, without even lifting a finger. And the only friends I keep, are people who benefit me financially, or in business. And death has never phased me.
@lundsweden
@lundsweden 2 года назад
Oh that's a bad, bad sign. I'm glad you are free of that person now.
@Connor4x4
@Connor4x4 2 года назад
My ex girlfriend was always happy to torment me. I was blind then. Glad I'm out of that situation.
@MrDogonjon
@MrDogonjon 5 лет назад
Work place promotions can be a very disturbing experience when narcissism is valued highly for promotions. A new supervisor candidate will overtly cast aspersions over an entire crew just to look good before the deeply evil boss they wish to present sacrificial lambs to. This is the crazy making that big business thrive on?
@MrDogonjon
@MrDogonjon 5 лет назад
In my work place credentials, experience and observation skills made you a target for crazy making. They were also the ones disbursing credentials, examining examiners like myself who credit qualified candidates with certification. Our super boss was the epitome of what every nightmare fever dream of an evil boss is. So I deny my own certification and refuse to be part of an organization that can't explain how this happened.
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