It's not every day that you see such genuine people listening to each other and making their best effort in a relationship to adapt to the other person. Neurotypicals like me can learn a lot from this discussion. The directness and honesty is something that is to be cherished, and makes me appreciate my Aspie even more.
> Neurotypicals like me [...] directness and honesty [...] appreciate my Aspie Here's one idea that might be helpful to everyone but maybe you in particular: no one is in a relationship with a population average, you're always in a relationship with a unique individual. A good relationship plays to the strengths of everyone involved and masks or compensates for each person's limitations. This is always a discovery process. I figure every relationship benefits from open and honest communication. How direct and literal it should be probably depends on the particular individuals.
I have a Boyfriend who is on a Spectrum. He has High Functioning Repetitive Autism. What kind of tools do you use when you going to shutdown? What kind of signs do I need to know when someone with Autism are going to Shutdown? What kind of Sensory needs do I need to know?
Aren't they just?! They're equally matched in terms of attractiveness and get along so well with each other. They also seem to have a genuine ease and affection for each other which is always nice to see, whether the ppl are autistic or not. There are a lot of dysfunctional relationships out there and this doesn't seem to be one of them. I wish them nothing but luck & happiness.
I've found that early disclosure is essential to finding compatible partners. Sex educator Reid Mihalko calls this dating your type. Instead of trying to mask who we are in order to attract partners, it's best to be our authentic selves from the start. That way, the people we attract will actually be into us for who we are, not for the fictional self we presented on our dating profile, on a first date, etc. If I'm actually interested in dating this person sitting across from me, they will have to be the kind of person for whom my being autistic is no big deal. Otherwise, why do I want to date *them*? Doing this also requires letting go of the scarcity model of love and relationships and embracing the idea that love is abundant, and when we truly feel secure and happy with ourselves, we will find loving relationships with others. We don't have to "sell" ourselves in order to find love and relationships. We have to *be* ourselves.
Kyle Bergman She’s the pinnacle of beauty like dang. I’ve got asperger’s and I’m so sick of unanswered love... I can barely speak to people so... If I hang out with a group of people long enough I get confident and become a goddamn comedian. So weird. It takes a long time until I’m confident tho, atleast a couple months.
I’ve been close friends with an Aspie the last 5 months and this video helps me so much to understand him, better. Thank you so much for sharing this info. It’ll help me understand how to be a better friend.
RE: 23:50 I am 48 years old and I still can't stop myself from getting limerent in the early phases of dates. I am aware it is happening and will even mention it if I can't shake it, but it then leads to almost a burn-out/melt-down as I cope with limerence, masking, and over-stimulation, and then feeling ashamed that I can't seem to control it. It's embarrassing, too. It feels very irrational and scares people away. It also feels good like having any special interest, but yeah, it tanks a lot of dates from going much further.
I have autism spectrum disorders, but I personally would not want this be me. I don't consider dating, relationships, and marriages at all important. I want to just embark on and continue the everyday adult norms such as driving a car, having a job, and owning property. Plus, I want to live by myself in my own house too. I just don't want to be social, don't like to talk, and don't like women. I'm an introvert, don't know very many people anymore, and keep to myself most of the time. I don't want to change my habits or lifestyle to be more social and have more friends or a relationship. I don't care if people think I'm characterless or boring that I don't want to see people or be social.
Well, my real frustration is that people don't associate me with adult hope, habits, milestones or expectations. Rather than owning a home or switching careers, I'm just supposed to be dating according to other people. I think protecting me from life's challenges and attempting to give me a purpose that I won't fail seems like a reward for being a good person, but I don't see it that way. That makes me feel less intelligent than I really am to rely on others, and it pisses me off. I'm about adulting through and through and could care less about getting dating, relationships, sex, and marriage. The thought that I'm to be social and romantic as a partner but not productive as an adult, homeowner, or career person show how little is expected of me. One woman I know said in response to my goal of owning a home and switching careers, "If I had another daughter, I'd have someone for you to go out with." I don't need that! And I don't care if my identity, truth, interests, experiences, and abilities make me characterless. All By Myself is the theme of my life.
My girlfriend has Autism and i don't. We work extremely well together shes awesome and shes very fun and smart. She says shes not but shes able to comprehend with how i think of things. Shes adorable too and it makes her mad when i tell her that. I did realize that I need to say things a certain so it can be easier for her. One thing i know she doesnt like but i like to push her buttons a little but she would ask me" Around how much longer do you have at work?' I like tell her I'll be of soon.
I would say that assuming your subjective observations about love/romance are objective is pretty common even for young neurotypicals. I grew up in a household of nothing but girls, and several of my cousins and siblings thought love was "Disney-esque", as you described it, too.
Jeff riley The brain is at the highest level of everyone. But below that is a very beautiful heart right in the middle of us all. You have a beautiful heart, even if you are by yourself, you should see that heart. I hope you meet someone special who sees that too. Every one has inherent value, simply for being human.
Being an aspie, loving again is the one thing that can lead me to suicide if that turns real bad. Quick reminder, lot of us are : - We are naive (why would anyone lie to me, right ?) - We never lie (and that could be used against us) - We can’t process emotions like normal people (lack of expressiveness leading to misunderstandings) - We have difficulties to sustain eye contact (normal people might not trust us because of it) - We don’t like noisy places (no bars, discotheques, noisy restaurants, meaning not much normal « dates ») All of that *might* lead your love relations to be abusive (use your weakness) and/or destructive (been rejected constantly without having time to be understood). All of that leaving you depressed and even more lonely. Don’t believe me ? Just look up the suicide statistics of autists people. Not saying it’s all because of love but that’s a factor. Maybe the solution could be to date another aspie like me... It feels like self ostracism. The world is a strange place. 😐
you make it look and seems so damn easy but it's not I have high functioning autism myself and believe me it's not walk in the park I stopped dating permanently because nobody seems to handle me or has any idea or any clue what to do and didn't want to be a part of it so I ended up just disassociating myself with the dating world and life in general I know that's not the right thing but it's the only thing that provides any type of closure and comfort to my life is not dating having any distractions because if I was supposed to be with somebody it would've happened but it's not written in my future to be with anybody but myself apparently so it's not as easy as people make it out to be especially with autism it's the worst disability I've ever had it feels like a terminal illness
There are Autistic people that aren't able to network or have an social communication at all though. Not all Autistic people can even make friends. I struggle with socializing and being verbal so dating is not an option for me.
I'm currently single but I would want a life partner. I prefer someone I can relate to. Life partner is someone who helps u out well u help each other until the end. That's very possible for me. If I become a speaker for Aspergers
I think Autism Speaks is much more complex than either side gives it credit for. They’ve been a good organization for those moderate to severe, but not necessarily the best for HFA people like myself. However, I would consider this video to be a step in the right direction. Mad props to Autism Speaks for listening to high functioning voices :)
I was quite taken aback to see this associated with (let alone ON) Autism Speaks. The quotes I have seen left a bad taste in my mind. Also, I have no first hand interaction with the organization but most all the writers I esteem are so anti-Autisum Speaks. Feedback?
guammax I think the more hate one has for an organization, the less they notice the improvements made. There is no shame in having heroes that dissent with the organization, but it is good that you actually took a chance and watched to see what they’ve improved upon.
I don't have autism I'm 45 I could date a lady with autism watch tv show think both death girl was very smart and beautiful and gorgeous same with the girl that wore Batgirl outfit all girls on the show beauiful and smart all the smart to nothing wrong with someone different to go out with
I don’t think they would answer this question as it doesn’t seem appropriate for this type of presentation context. But to answer that, i’d imagine it would have to vary from person to person. Likely a healthy autistic couple (or nuerotypical couple) will communicate their preferences and coordinate accordingly or experiment accordingly if they have a compatible enough romantic rhythm
Great! Now I have to worry about being Neurotypical! I'm not even done figuring out all the racist, sexist, political correctness crap and now I have to worry about being Neurotipical too. Thanks alot! ;)
"We are both on the spectrum, and in a relationship...with each other." - So, dude, you ALREADY have a girlfriend? One who looks like THAT (actually, you're both very good-looking). I don't mean to be disrespectful to either of you, but I find your 'advice' a bit hard to take, coming from people who've obviously already conquered their difficulties. By and large, Aspie men like myself can't get girlfriends. That's an inescapable fact.
