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Most men on dating apps tend to be avoidant. Either they are separated, newly divorced, going through the screwing around stage after divorce, are married, living with someone, not wanting a relationship, but pretending they do. It is much better to meet someone IRL or through special intersts.
It's my current observation as well, that most men on the dating websites now are terrified of connection. I met my late beloved on one, when they'd say they were looking for an "LTR," or long-term relationship. Now? Not so much, it seems.
My ex was a very needy man even though he was extremely successful. after we got divorced. I asked him if I met most of his needs and he said absolutely but just having validation from you was not enough. I needed other women validate my worth to feel better about myself as a man. I personally don't want a man who's needy. I would prefer to be with somebody who is in tune with his wants and desires and is able to express them in an adult manner without acting out like a wounded child.
That was my experience, you can never satisfy a needy man and they don’t really appreciate what you do. They always need/want more and they can be extremely selfish!
This can be true. Are they loyal or seeking novelty? Never Forgive Infidelity Cheating -;Sam Vaknin podcast Cheating Triangulation In Sick Relationships ---Sam Vaknin podcast Love Addiction Craving Infatuation Limerance - Sam Vaknin podcast
@@sherriflemming3218in my experience they like to continue to enjoy the benefits of being married whilst also going outside the relationship. They want both.
@@camellia8625 Indeed the cake and eat it too. There's no such thing as an honest cheat. I've had these experiences as well. Married and attached. Ad nauseum.
Ladies please focus on a man’s action more than his words and listen to your guts. A man shows interest in you through his actions and his words. If you are not getting that, he doesn’t even like you to begin with. 😊
Indeed, not seriously interested. Wasting your valuable time. Men know exactly what they are doing. It's not about like. It's about alignment and credibility. Keep your standards high ladies. By keeping your standards high you will disqualify the wrong men. We can only lose the wrong men In this world verify everything.
I was waiting for Jonathan to comment on this woman's relationship, and as I listened, all I could hear was that this guy was not really into her. She wouldn't be confused if he was really into her. He sounds like he's wasting her precious time.
I saw so many men on dating sites with wedding rings on their photo. Ugh. Or guys that were going through separation and not even divorced yet. Geez. Slim Pickins and lots of trouble out there.
I tried to make it work with a man going through a divorce. He had allot of good qualities but he needed to do allot of healing, so I ended it after a year. Your video is excellent Jonathan and it really resonated with my last relationship.
Be careful not to confuse narcissistic rhetoric with watching out for people with real narcissistic personality traits or personality disorders. They really do exist and can be very dangerous. It's kind of sad that this word has gotten so overused lately that people don't believe you anymore when you are talking about a real narcissist. They will slowly drain you of your soul before they dispose of you, one way or another. 💔⚰️💀 Beware.
She helped me so much to heal people need to know what to truly look for because a narcissist relationship is truly dangerous mentally emotionally and sometimes physically .
You nailed it, Jonathon! Thank you só much. At 73 I've experienced all of the above and am making better decisions!! Yes, the eclipse was a heavy one on our spiritual people😢 - we are all work in progress😅 🎉
I wasted three years in a man because he said he was looking for a relationship and marriage. One week turned into one year and so on with him telling me to be patient… if I remind him or ask him about marriage he would say that I can’t hold him to that because things change over time. Wow. I think he just wanted someone to spend time with, talk to when he was bored..this was a long distance relationship. Yes, we had a plan at the beginning but he never followed up with it. Truth? Yes, he wasted my time but I started dating after the second year and still waited on him. I think he’s done this before to other women…woo them the first year, promise them marriage and then nothing. He just needs company every once in awhile… we never even had sex so I feel good about that… everything you said was on point. We are still friends. He calls every few days but the love is gone now… never again.
I’m glad you mentioned being in a funk during the period of the solar eclipse. Me too! Nothing I could put my finger on and I’m glad to have a reason. I’ve been super mopey.
I'm dating a wonderful widower who lost his wife over a year ago. I encourage him to talk as much about his wife as he needs to, and he has said that she was the love of his life. We've been together over six months and he says he cares for me, but has not been able to say he loves me although I definitely feel it. He makes me feel cherished, appreciated and important in his life. it's hard but I really feel he's worth staying with because in my past relationships they said the words, but the actions didn't match the words. with Ed It's the opposite. He shows me he loves me through actions, but can't say the word.
Thank you for addressing all this. I'm 70, in excellent health and want to share all kinds of pleasure and discovery. I'm a 21 years-recovered alcoholic; I use nothing that reduces judgement AND the intensity of connection in a sexual relationship, and look only for a like-minded man. From CPTSD from my traumatized, alcoholic mother and traumatized adulterous father, and a caregiver they let abuse me, I neglected my own children, apologized, and live with regret. I'm drawn to "bad boys," like my dad, the best boyfriend I ever had, and my late beloved 2nd husband, who told me I made him want to be a better man. Like me, they all had deep remorse and had made changes. Men in the process of self-redemption inspire me and understand me, so yes, I'm drawn to bad boys gone better. Knowing how CPTSD impacts me, I've no further time for "casual" sex. For the likes of me, there ain't no such animal. The most intense pleasure and greatest safety and freedom I've ever felt, was in uncompromising monogamy with my late beloved. More, please!
The guy i was in love with is a wonderful human. Shameful to admit there was no affection and he never even asked how my day was. I literally was in a fantasy of how good he may be....but never acknowledged he was using me for sex. We never even kissed or held hands or hugged for tje entire three years. How did i create a fantasy?
Agree with you Jonathan. Finding out the type of love language your partner has shows you want to make them happy. Having a one sided relationship so your partner can retain “autonomy” to be cool seems like a testing ground for failure. Could this have to do with how much personal time each person needs to enjoy a hobby ? The happiest couples I know simply like spending time together. They weren’t tip toeing around issues and did not try to put a limit on their sweetheart’s boundaries.
Dr. Ramini said all JERKS aren’t narcissists but all Narcissists are JERKS! Sadly you don’t know if someone is until you’ve gone thru all the suffering. 😢 Trying to find a playbook to avoid future suffering isn’t reality cause at the end of the day narcissists do their research on the same playbook 😭searching for love is risky for a reason. If your intentions are in the right place does not necessarily mean others are as well. If you take the risk and suffered for it don’t let that discourage you from taking another risk. Too often we allow the fear of the unknown to dictate your relationship decisions.. Love is the reward that is worth the risk ❤
They tell you who they are / there are clues many times. I would not fall for it afín now that I encountered that type of person. You spend enough time and not rush into feelings and sex you will have a better idea what you are dealing with. I take people on day trips to get to know them. That tells me all in need to know when I travel with someone
I did the same thing that lady did. I asked him during a phone call if he was seeking a commitment or was he just casually dating Told him I was Catholic and was married forever and widowed and o wasn’t in this just for dating fun. He absolutely shared he was looking for a wife. Problem was (in my opinion) it was 6 months after her death and I thought that was too soon. I said no the first two times he asked me out and then the third time I said yes,
@@JonathonAslayhe turned out to be an Absolute coward. Hooked on porn, lied to me repeatedly, needed money. Had controlling grown kids he wouldn’t stand up to, he was a wolf In sheep’s Clothing. Never missed church on Sundays but was all About himself. He was a selfish lover and a love bomber from The get go. I should have listened to my gut! I kept Giving him chance after chance because we got along so well and enjoyed each other so much. He had zero personal Integrity and was a closet Pervert. So Sad I wasted a year on this loser. Oh well. Live and learn
@@sherriflemming3218it worked out badly actually. He was hooked on porn for 15 years during last years of his marriage. His wife died two years ago Long story. I gave him many chances to “get better.” Stupid me. Wasted over a year. He kept Improving and I hung in there because we got Along so well and he lied and said he had stopped The porn! He broke Uo with me via a text message. He knew I was on to him!! What a coward. I’m wiser for The experience but mad and sad too
I have been healing since I was a teenager from my father wound. I'm now almost 40 and I have been divorced. My ex hubs is very narcissistic a covert type. I had to have a lot of therapy after him as well and it's now been 6 years. I can say now I know the red flags and things like that. I met a man recently and he's over 40 and he is recently divorced and I told him nope but we can be friends and he will talk to me about his pain from her and he sounds so sad, I said therapy is amazing for anyone. I love therapy and counseling, shadow work and all the stuff. It's been such a help but this video is awesome because it confirmed things for me and I learned a couple new things as well thanks so much for your time!
The success rate for recovery is about 10% Any sobriety is challenging. The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Safe People by Henry Cloud Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
Thank you for the knowledge. I wish I had sought all this before dating anyone in my 20s. I was too in love with the idea of love to actually see those men for who they really were. Now in my 40s I've been out of the dating to concentrate not only in better my life financially spiritually emotionally but also researching knowledge to prepare for a future relationship and marriage.
I recently ended a relationship with a man I met online and dated for five months. I realized after a month that he was still going through a divorce. I talked with him about the possibility of needing more time to go through the grief process as well as the separating of material things. He said he was ready to move on. But he hadnt done any work on himself and yet I wanted to give him an opportunity to see if he was ready. I should've listened to my gut. He wasn't ready and was still looking at and talking with other women online. I finally ended it and now am looking at my part in this relationship. It still hurts to end a relationship that was less than ideal. Healing and learning is my journey.
I just experienced this with a 63 Yr old man, we've known each other 2 yrs ❤ his true colors came out behaving like a child, shouting, all because I wanted to talk about 'feelings' iv realised its all about our self worth & boundaries. I'm not allowing bad behaviour anymore. ❤❤x thankyou Jonathon, new subscriber from 🇬🇧 xx
Lol! It is definitely a minefield. Being from Texas, you can just imagine what type of minefields I think it is with all the cattle, horses, and goats. I am sorry I just couldn't help myself. 😅
The girl who shared today was super helpful to me because I’m in a relationship that is so similar to hers. I loved your explanation that if your grateful for the person and would be miserable without them in your life being love, really gave me clarity. It also helped me know that I do have a quality guy. I have my mom telling me that I’m making a bad decision with him because he isn’t a part of my religion, but I really think he is wonderful especially because of how he treats me and makes me feel. I think it’s a hard thing to find sometimes so I’m not going to give him up. My mom currently is just giving me the silent treatment due to my relationship with this guy. It’s pretty heartless if you ask me. I’m only renting from her because she needed the income, but it’s so unfair to me when she won’t allow me to choose for myself.
We appreciate you immensely, Coach! Thank you for this huddle and pep talk. Viewer here for 2.5 years, and it's effectual. AMEN! 🙏 Our condolences, Sir. I am currently bonding again with my Persian Father. You remind me that's a gift to love a Stoic father. I'm picking Relationships that were almost lost, while finding peace in letting go of what's not serving us. Blessings everyone, from Austin ❤️🔥
God I love you are soo spiritual 11:11 I so thst all the time but I usually always see dual numbers every hour..Don't forget about watching videos about avoidant attachment styles.Ken Reid
You learn to love in a relationship but respect is definately more important. Thought experiment, Relationship A only has respect for each other but no love vs relationship B only has love but no respect, which relationship is more likely to stay together?
Respect and trust are the foundation of a healthy relationship. Love is the icing on the cake. Safe People by Henry Cloud The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
As far as only having compassion for single mothers if they lost their husband due to death, I tried for years and years to stay with the husband and father of my girls who had serious addiction issues and it was life threatening to us each time we would try to leave. My ten year old daughter was told that he would kill her if she tried to call 911, and my infant at the time he told me he would twist her head off if we tried to leave. THAT was a marriage I needed to get out of. It wasn’t easy to do for obvious reasons. We have finally escaped the awful nightmare, but I still VERY much desire a healthy and happy marriage. I got nothing I hoped for from that relationship. So to say you only have compassion for single mothers who lost their spouse to death is cruel. We all have hopes desires and dreams and want to find love and connection.
I would always ask him, Why do you shake your leg even when you’re in the bed? He could never be still, always needing the TV on. It’s like he’s trying to drown his thoughts, could never be alone. His response was: I’m self- soothing.. huh? At 50? 😳 I found out soon enough he is a vulnerable /covert narcissist. Needless to say, I was out! 🏃🏾♀️
I’m with you Jonathon. My all time most inspirational movie is the Shawshank Redemption!! I really like your definition of love and I will share it with my BF: I’m here You matter We’re important I got your back I’m not going anywhere I only want you Love your content! Thank you! 🙏
U likely already knew and just didn’t trust yourself, you have learned from this, move on, this is one person there are so many more-use good judgment etc
Also, even if u ask at day 1, no guarantee they won’t just lie-look for actions and signs and trust your timeline-when it’s time to be done (your time) it’s not easy!
I am dating someone for eight years and I am happy with the way it is. I do not and will not marry again, it is nice to live with someone for so long that is there with you with no legalities or perceived obligations. We are together because we both want it and can walk away and haven't . I enjoy long term dating
well I met a few men who I was very kind to over my life and I didn't know what was going on with their behaviour so I researched it and the word narcissism came up. we all have it to some degree apparently. I learned by meeting them what it was and to avoid the signs of severe narcissism. I don't think being aware of it is wrong it's necessary, I don't think people teaching awareness are saying everyone is a severe narc. probably small percentage of the population. These people have no empathy, never apologise, never their fault, people need to be aware who trust everybody.These people give nothing back, no support , only take. just saying.I'm glad I am aware now. And I.ve changed myself to aviod these people I was obviously giving the power to, yes working on myself. It's frightening that not all people are to be trusted. that's what I'm saying.
All I can say is: I feel sorry for this generation I don't see how today we can raise decent families based with such low standards on the dating scene- Been an independent, strong and honest person it's almost impossible to get a date without promiscuous behavior-
If one has a father wound, the mother wound is usually there too because the spouses enable each other so one is the active abuser, and the other is the permissive/enabler one.
Exactly. The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Safe People by Henry Cloud Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood
I think both sides are understanding this, because its no longer a necessity to be in a relationship and more of an optional choice it dilutes peoples interest in finding a partner.
I'm 55 and been single over 10 yrs. I prefer younger men but unfortunately I'm not confident enough to have a successful relationship. These days I find men of any age are either too busy, not interested or too picky !
You need to meet 5 out of 9 criteria to be officially diagnosed as a narcissist. The traits must be pervasive. I only know of meeting one in my life and he absolutely was one. 9/9 pervasive traits
Could you stop giving people false hope! There’s no such thing as a normal human being, especially not a man, who would willingly date a single mother. It’s a big deal for a normal, healthy, sophisticated man to become a father to someone else’s children. Don’t give people false hope. It would be a different scenario if a single mother were a widow, and most normal women wouldn’t want to be with a man who has children. No normal, educated human being wants to be burdened with someone else’s mistake for the rest of their lives. It’s ridiculous. Single parents should stick together and raise their own bastards.
I think it's easier for single parents to date and perhaps form relationships if there is alignment. They may be a better match. Safe People by Henry Cloud The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
I have never in my life.Had a healthy relationship and I don't know what it consists of or pertains.Or what is the right thing to do or not?The right thing to do on both party parts.. I've been single for 10 years now.Just because I'm afraid because I don't know what to expect.And I need help in having a healthy relationship. I'm not hurting anymore.I have no regrets.I just want to move forward with my life correctly like I wanna find somebody again. But i'm not desperate for just anyone. I don't know if there's a way you could find me in. Contact me, but I'll try to find you. This is my first time hearing you. It has to be it, can't be a coincidence..
Women over 40 consistently have totally unrealistic expectations about where they fall in the dating pool and think top quality, experienced men way above them will throw a relationship to them.
Thank you Jonathan. I’m nurse Susan and the person who asked the question. I’m no longer assuming I can change a man. Ask the hard question to prevent wasting wasting my time.
Hi Jonathon, I do meet quality men (the growers) but, my problem is I’m not attracted to them. They are usually very short (I’m 5’6) and I’m just not attracted to them. I’m trying to date outside of my usual type but, I’m finding the attraction just isn’t there. What am I doing wrong??
Jonathan, this man struggles with soul to soul communication & texts books ...with way to many IIIIIIIII ? I refuse to respond at this point we have discussed it, and he comtinues as we struggle with the issue. ????? He expresses his needs & emotions only in writing ?
That's a great idea! To make his videos more interesting Jonathon can use a real time voice modulator, they are super fun. Changing his voice to be a robot, chipmunk, pilot, kid, man, woman & demon voices.
He has four of them and loves everybody he gets to people that are basically children on Facebook and everywhere else because they show attention to them says he doesn't want anybody that still does their stuff but is willing to raise another child and he's almost 50 and because I don't talk to him he'll go talk to everybody else but yet he gets mad when I confront him about it
I'm curious if he shows physical initiative because if he doesn't, then is it possible she could be in the friend zone with him? It just sounds a lot like a situation that a friend of mine was in and it ended up that she was more into him than he was with her and he had the same wonderful qualities. I'm not trying to be a downer, I just know how hard it was for her and how hard it was as her friend, when I could see some of the signs.
Will a spender still bring me around his family? I'm wondering if the man I was dating for the past year might have been a spender.. but he was bringing me around his family a lot which made me think he was serious about me.. he didn't want to meet my family though and the relationship was one sided.. so now I'm questioning if he was actually a spender?
God took my husband of 26 years and now dating at age 58 just sucks ! I have had a internet love for 5 years but always an excuse to visit ! So then my neighbor I’ve known 30 years but only wants hook up ! Im so frustrated ! I hate dating !
It’s slim Pickings out there! I’m Same age . It’s ok to hate dating. - I changed my focus from trying to meet a man, to developing female friendships, participating in local events, learning new things… so if I meet someone it will be based on my strengths, confidence, and inner peace vs. loneliness.
