In this video I share my experiences dating as a disabled person. From feeling insecure and hiding my vision impairment in relationships, to meeting my husband, and everything in between.
I’m a visually impaired guy and I have the same insecurities you have. Especially when the perception is that the guy drives, I’ve struggled so hard with wondering how girls will actually receive the fact that I’m visually impaired. I can see enough to walk places myself and stuff and luckily Uber is a thing but I still struggle with it. Just hearing you talk about your experiences was really great. Thank you for putting this out there!
I’ve become visually impaired over the last decade. It’s challenging 😥. Maybe we need a dating site? I’d like to meet someone special whether sighted or not.
Thank you Cayla for making this video! Makes me hopeful. I'm 24, I have physical disability (CP) and, to be honest, I've never been on a single date in my life. I consider myself to be a very positive person in general and I've always tried really hard not to play the violin for myself, but sometimes it's just hard not to think that it's the disability that scares guys off. I think it's mostly because many people associate it with more responsibility in a relationship...But I do believe that there are good people out there. Thank for for sharing your story xx
Gabriela Szypuła I agree that some people do get scared because they think it will be more work. But there are also a lot of people out there who aren’t scared off so easily. I wish you the best of luck ❤️
Hey, I just want you to know that you are not alone in feeling this way, but you will find someone. Have you tried online dating or blind dates? Keep smiling and keep staying positive, Sassy xxx
Hey! Thank you so much for reaching out!! Yes, I have tried online dating multiple times, but my expieriences were...weird. A few times the conversation was going really well, so I told the guys about my disability, and in most cases their reactions were surprisingly postivite. They were also actually the ones who brought up meeting in person first, after I've told them. But then they all started coming up with pretty much every excuse for the meeting not to happen. I've also had a couple of weird encounters with guys who acted as if they were interested but then it turned out they had a girlfriend/were gay/they simply disappeared. LOL, I really do feel hopeless most of the time. Wishing you the best of luck as well!! xxx
Gabriela Szypuła oh no that’s rubbish, but I think we have all had those dating fails. Don’t give up, but likewise don’t put heavy pressure on yourself, I think that’s why we can feel down about it, because we have created this imaginary timeline our mind of when we should be achieving things in life, and that just isn’t how it works. Xxx
You're so right. To me, it's not so much about feeling any kind of pressure or putting it on myself. To put it blantly, I just feel lonely. I have a very supportive family and a great, small group of close friends and I know they care about me a lot (as I do about them), but I just miss the kind of connection that's not really possible to have with anyone other than a partner. I do believe that I'll find him one day, even though it can be really hard at times. It's just frustrating to be "rejected" over something I have no control over...Anyways, thank you so much for the encouragement!! Hope you're having a great day! xxx
I met my wife on World of Warcraft in 2009. No duplicity or anything like that. She likes that I need her help from time to time and she likes that I'm generally logical enough to help keep her crazy in check. 9 years together on the 26th. All a good relationship needs is absolute honesty. You need to know and accept you to your tiniest faults and grandest accomplishments and you need to know what you NEED in a partner as well as what you WANT in one. I'm very disabled (as in it limits what I can do in a severe way) so I needed a wife who was in the medical field or had family who was. My wife's grandparents on both sides were a doctor and nurses. I needed someone who could accept my criminal past. My wife did 3 weeks in jail once. I needed someone who wasn't an idiot. My wife is definitely not an idiot. I wanted someone who enjoyed some of the same things I do. We play Stardew Valley together and enjoy many of the same things. Simple. People love to overcomplicate this shit when it doesn't need to be. Life is as difficult as you make it or let it be. Edit: I still have insecurities about being so goddamn disabled. My personality is so bombastic and audacious because I didn't want to be forgotten. I'm up-front so people HAVE to deal with it. Then it's out of the way and we can concentrate on getting to know each other as people. Most people don't like that. The ones who do are my friends for life. Quality over quantity. Sign of good, thought-provoking videos: I keep writing books in the comments. Also, you remind me of my buddy's wife. No legal blindness but I have a hunch you two would get along. Similar interests and personality.
Thank you for sharing your story with us I have a disability too but don't tell many people from the start. I might not be blind but learning disability and ADD. Dating chance once you get out of high school not easy meeting the right guy. We all have our struggles in life and learn overcome them. Now you have your husband who likes you just the way you are, gives me some hope. :)
Thank you for such a candid and honest Vlog. I felt many of your same emotions, regarding dating and relationships. Great message! I learned quite a bit. Self-reflection isn’t my favorite thing, lol! Thank you!
Got with my girlfriend a year and a half ago.. she’s legally blind. She does a lot and functions normally. She can even drive during the day with glasses. She is a special ed teacher as well,.. today she broke her glasses and she just cried.. I’m in the process of finding a glasses repair right now. It’s just heart breaking for me to see her so upset. She said she feels useless without her glasses… I’m trying to be here for her as much as I can right now. I know she vision impairment might not be as serve as other peoples but it’s always scary to think of it gets worse.. I will be there for her though. I have to be strong for her. I do not let her know I’m scared of those things. But I’m sure the same thoughts have crossed her mind her whole life.. lucky at 22 her eye sight has stayed pretty stable throughout the years..
I just found your channel and thank you for posting this video. As time permits, I look forward to watching your other videos. I'm 42, have been legally blind for my entire life, and attended regular public school (with the aid of large print books, a CCTV magnifier, and photocopied notes that other students had taken from material that was on the chalk board). I got picked on and bullied a lot in school and never attempted to date much (what attempts I made resulted in flat out rejection). My school years pretty much consisted of doing what was expected of me, going home, and doing it all over again the next day. In college, I made more of an effort; but, got pretty much the same results. Probably the most hurt (at the moment) that I ever got was when I was in my late 20's or early 30's and attending a bible study group at church. I got up enough nerve to express an interest in a girl in the group, thinking that maybe she'd be a little more understanding than some I'd met previously. I ended up being dead wrong and she, as well as some of her friends, acted very childish and let's just say their behavior reminded me of junior high school. At the time, it hurt; but, looking back and seeing what kind of person she, and all the others, truly were - I'm thankful they did not work out. As you mentioned, not being able to drive can be a big drawback in the "social department" and I've tried meeting people through social media (that didn't work out so well, either). There was one who sent me a friend request on Facebook and the first thing out of her mouth was wanting to know about my income (in time, that will need to be discussed; but, not before you've even met the person). another one spent most of her days hanging out in bars and pool halls and I think she just wanted a place to crash and someone to pay the bills. Currently, I attend a different church than the one I mentioned earlier and there are people I talk to there. Rather or not anything will come of it is a $64 question; but, I've put it in the Lord's hands and whatever is meant to be will be. Now, before I shut up - here are two things that people say to me, regarding dating, that really burns me up. 1. When I was younger, I'd often hear things like, "you'd better hurry up and get married before you get too old to raise a family" or "if you don't hurry up and get you a girl, people are going to think you're gay." My thoughts on those statements is not everybody was meant to get married and have 3 kids by the age of 25 and I think it's better to wait, instead of jumping off into "the wrong something" when you're young. As far as people thinking I'm gay, let them think it and they won't be the ones I have to answer to, when I leave this Earth. 2. Another thing I sometimes hear is "are there not any blind girls you could date?" It got back to me that a girl in the neighborhood said that no normal person would want to date me because of my visual impairment and inability to drive; so, maybe I'd be better off finding a blind girl to date. My thoughts on that ignorant statement are that if I love them and they love me, it won't matter what challenges either one of us face.
radiotvphononut I also had a very similar experience growing up legally blind and in public school. I’m sorry you haven’t had much luck with dating. People can be really ignorant and say stupid or hurtful things. You’re right, not everyone needs to get married soon, and you don’t need to rush into anything to prove something to people. I wish you the best of luck ❤️
Ahh This is really lovely and very encouraging for people with disabilities who may be scared of sharing that with another person, especially in the aspect of dating. I’m really glad you found your husband, he sounds like a wonderful man! :) xxx
You helped me understand something about my younger self. I used to dress the same way when I was a teen. I guess subconsciously I figured if they're looking down my shirt they won't notice my eye wondering, or that I can't see something and find me worthy to be with because I am nice to look at. I am glad you found someone who accepts you as you are. We all need that.
Thanks for sharing your story which has provided hope for many like us & I relate whatever you said.I also love to hide my disability & think exactly the way you used to think.
I felt that way about leaving my boyfriend.....he really loved me and was understanding as well as accepting but I didn’t feel the connection and I’m so scared that I won’t find anyone who’d be that way! Thank you so much for sharing and assuring me
It can be so hard to leave a relationship when you’re scared of not finding someone else. I’ve been there also in a previous relationship that I didn’t talk about in this video, and it was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do but it was definitely worth it in the end.
I have low vision so when I started dating I was in my mid 30’s. When my now wife and dated I said to her that I was a single dad as at that time I had a guide dog. We now have 2 sighted kids and though I have even less vision I’m grateful for her.
Cayla, I loved this video. I am a blind motivational speaker, talking about mental health, so it's really interesting to hear your emotional experiences. I'd be really interested in talking to you more and maybe collaberating on something like this? 😃💖 xxx
Fern Lulham hi! That’s awesome! I am also a big proponent of mental health, although I don’t really talk about it much on my channel. I would be interested in doing a collab as well.
@@CaylawithaC You've definitely touched on some emotional topics in your videos, which I find really interesting. Do you have an email address where we can share some ideas for a collaberation? Feel free to drop me a message at fernlulham@gmail.com It would be great to chat! 😊💖
That’s a great story in how you two met. I’m glad things turned out well in the end. I’m giving online dating a try but still I keep thinking that my eyesight is going to keep many away so I understand the insecurities. I will say my own insecurities have kept me from dating in high school and college though so it’s going to be very tricky for me due to never dating before, age and my disability.
JC5 Productions well you’ll never find someone if you don’t put yourself out there, so I’m glad you’re giving it a try. I totally understand that it can be difficult though. I wish you the best of luck!
Cayla with a C thanks 🙂 I guess a big part of why I didn’t bother with putting myself out there until recently is because it didn’t seem like I was attracting anyone during school and college so I just said forget it and now at 38 I’m realizing that maybe I should just go for it anyway.
JC5 Productions well it’s never too late. Plus, I don’t think college is the best place to find a serious relationship. In my experience everyone just wanted to party and it was hard to find someone who was looking for a commitment.
i would gladly date any disabled person, do what i could to help, and treat that lady with respect and dignity. what's in the head and heart is what matters not the disability. your a beautiful young lady with pretty hair and big blue eyes( blue eyed women are sexy to me).i'm not trying to hit on you. best wishes for your future and you and your husband for happy years ahead.
Thank you for the compliments. And I love what you said about what’s in the head and heart that matters not the disability. That’s a great attitude to have
Thank you for making this video it's really helped. This has been one of the biggest difficulties for me( other than the condition itself) If you have some time my stories below with my last ex do you think I did the right thing and moving on because I still have feelings for her and some of the decisions not to see her were so hard for me to make but I knew for the first time in my last relationship then I had to think about what I wanted which was a romantic relationship with her not a friendship after what she put me through? Thank you My last ex broke up because of my condition She wanted to do a "break" after 8 months of dating ( she said it was for school) and we did that for 4 months but it was a lie and a waste of time Because then she would make remarks like " I thought at age 30 you be living on your own" " I wish you had a career more in your field" These comments 1) it shows a lack of empathy and understanding along with disregarding the fact that the medication that I'm on to live cost nearly an extra 4 to $500 a month 2) I told her about my condition ( colitis) at the start of us dating and she said that she was okay with 3) that while we were dating I treated her with the utmost respect and made sure that she was a priority in my life despite my condition So I broke up with her and 5 months later( may 2018) she text me wanting to hang out " just friends" but I basically told her no Because 1) she's still wasn't doing it for the right reasons saying things like " I wish I wasn't in school when we were dating" " we have different goals" "I didn't want to do Ldr for that long" ( both she and I knew that she was going to be in school to the end of this year so her saying that makes no sense) So she left me alone and hasn't contacted me since We're still friends on Facebook and 95% of the time she's looked at my Facebook Stories But I'm still just as hurt as when she first brought up wanting to do a break Because despite my disabilty I done 8 children's books and volunteer my time with nonprofit organizations like the March of Dimes or kidney foundation It was like she wanted me to go from 100% ( which I was doing with every aspect of my life and trying to improve myself) to 150 or 200% just because she was comparing me to an Able Body person that doesn't have an expensive condition
It’s hard for me to say whether you did the right thing or not. I know it can be really hard to see someone that you are trying to move on from, but maybe it would help if y’all talked. You could tell her about your feelings and frustrations, and talk about her expectations and what’s realistic for you. Then you can see what her response is to all of that and go from there. Just a suggestion, I’m not a dating expert. I hope everything works out for you!
@@CaylawithaC thank you it really helped me. Feel a little less anger and resentment towards her I guess deep down I'm just tired of games and the people that I date thinking that the condition is a detriment on their goals and drems She's most likely going to contact me after she finishes school this fall. Whether it's to rekindle the relationship or keep it as a friendship I have no idea But by then it's going to be too late to be honest because what happened shows me that even when I'm doing great things she still expects more out of me when my expectations for the relationship where do the bare minimum at best( and I've been this way all my life) just someone that wants to be with me and can see a future other than that whatever flaws or problems they are dealing with are things that I can accept
The biggest problem I think being visually impaired/blind is that it's not as simple as just walking into a cafe, bar, and just hanging out and hoping that you'd bump into someone and see if something hits off. Dating sites are hell... putting the disability on and off, on and off the profiles over and over again and relaly wondering whether it's just... you... or your disability..
I totally agree! It is definitely difficult to try and meet a person when you are just out and about. And I thankfully never had to do online dating, but I can definitely understand how much of a struggle that must be
Thanks for the video, if socializing on its own can be difficult you can only imagine dating right. I remember I was really close to not going to prom because I had the idea that as a guy I had to drive my date to prom. In the end my VI teacher really pushed me to look at things differently and i ended up going to prom with my best friend. We went in a group got a limo I had my cane with me the whole time but it was inside my tux sleeve never took it out once. In your case he had an excuse to hold your hand, in my case I felt that if I asked her to guide me it would make me feel dependent and less of a man. Those were my thoughts at 18 they are much different now but nonetheless it’s difficult. I’ll be honest, I can be confident in many situations but when it comes to dating I feel that my deepest insecurities rise up because I can’t do the things society pains as “a man should be or do. But I decided to start giving online dating a try and actually putting more effort into it. Not all apps are that accessible with voiceover so I will have to ask a friend to help me out. Sorry for the long comment didn’t realize I was going to share this much LOL
Life Beyond Vision i’m glad you ended up going to prom. My dad actually told my prom date that I was visually impaired for me because I was too embarrassed to tell him myself lol. That’s good you are putting yourself out there, and that you have good friends who will help you out.
Life Beyond Vision you are Great sharing this so publicly. Societies perceptions can really be, but honestly as long as you are a kind person, and have a great sense of humour, “manly” things like being able to drive or escort a woman somewhere genuinely doesn’t make you any less of a man! :) Sassy xxx
Great story.! It was really brave of you to talk about your engagement and break up. Ironically, I always figured it would be easier for women who are visually impaired to date then for us man, LOL. 😆 Ladies always eexpectedme to pick them up with my car, as I am legally blind, my car does not exist, LOL. These days, I am just pretty upfront about it, and really don’t care about the way other people think. If they don’t like me for that, let’s move onto the next! ♥️😎
Daniel X thank you. I agree that it probably is easier for girls than it is for guys, but still definitely difficult for both. I think you’re on the right track, if they have a problem with it then on to the next one
Thank you Cayla. I’ve come across people that I’ve been on dates with and I’ve told them about my visual impairment and they’d say they were okay with it but then they would ghost me I don’t know why. At the moment it’s hard to swallow because you feel like it’s something your doing wrong or there’s something wrong with me... but then I think to myself HEY it’s there loss not mine. It’s just hard I guess
Laura Morrissey I know it is hard. I have found myself wondering many times if I got ghosted because of my vision impairment or because they just didn’t like me, and the more I thought about it, the more I couldn’t decide which one was worse
They're not real or honest people, if they couldn't see you for you then they're not someone who you want anything to do with, you are a person and deserve to be loved just as much as everyone else
I need some advice, I'm talking to a guy a week now and his coming to visit me soon but I have a learning difficulty, I haven't told him yet but I know il have to because I don't want him thinking I've kept it from him but I'm afraid he,ll see me differently and not want to continue, how do I over come this?
That’s a tough question. I know it can be really hard to find the right time. I think just being upfront with him will probably be best, and if he doesn’t want to see you anymore because of it then he probably isn’t worth having a relationship with
Yes yes um I was thinking someone and not someone I'll let you know me watching them feel very good but I know that I won't find someone that experience for when you say thank you for your advice
Thank you for this amazing video. I always want to avoid dates which includes dinner. I am so ashamed to eat with cutlery. How do you think about that? Or is that no problem for you? I always feel like a klutz.
Charissa Kalloe I have the same issue. I usually go for finger foods like chicken tenders, sandwiches, or pizza. Or something you can eat with a fork but don’t have to cut. Like my go to pasta is penne, because you can just stab them with the fork and don’t have to worry about cutting anything or twirling the noodles.
I feel the way you used to feel, I feel like im never gonna find someone who is okay with the fact that they will have to do everything like drive all the time, help me, when we have kids there gonna have to take them to school, I feel like guys will run away because ill be too much work for them. I have had guys ghost me as soon as they find out my disability and it just makes it so much more scary to open up to future guys
I completely understand. However, I think the more independent you are the less scary it will be for them. For example, my husband does drive me around quite a bit, but I also take Uber quite a bit to take some of the responsibility off of him. And when we have kids I plan on them riding the school bus so my husband doesn’t have to do that. And he does help me a lot, but I also help him too. Every relationship has give and take, and a relationship with a visually impaired partner is no different.
Cayla with a C oh that’s smart I can’t believe I forgot school busses exist! I adore you and your relationship really makes me feel better that I can have a relationship in the future and be accepted cuz like you said it makes you feel like you have to be better or prettier then “regular” girls
Have you ever dated a blind guy? Most blind people that I know just choose to have relationships with their fellow blind, because they feel more comfortable and they don't want to hide their visual impairment. I'm wondering what is your perspective about it.
That’s a good question. I actually have never dated a blind guy. Since I was raised in the sighted world I didn’t really even know any other blind people when I was dating. I actually will be discussing this topic in some more detail in a video that’s going up a little later today
Great video! My wife is also legally blind and is thinking of creating a youtube channel. We would like to connect and ask you few questions if possible. not sure what the best way is.
I never revealed I was disabled to anyone I dated unless it was serious. And I met wife who knew since we were kids I couldn't see well so it wasn't a big deal when we started dating
I am legally blind on top of other multiple disabilities, when I went on a date, I would use my cane to get to the restaurant, I would then hide my cane (it folds up), and have a staff member guide me to the table, reality, if you think blind dates are tuff, try going on a real blind date, it takes a person with zero ego and a understanding persona , I don't drink, can you see it, a blind drunk, ironically, I met my wife in all places, a braille class, didn't see that coming
I’m sorry you feel that way although I definitely understand it. I think for me that insecurity was way more prominent in my head but I didn’t actually experience it very much in reality
For disabled women is so easy to find a man or husband. But for men, is like finding gold on the street. I was looking for a date online for years with little to no success. That's why it sucks for men. Women have all the options to choose from.
