Dating women made me understand men 

One quick note on this. The line I said "the amount of kisses promised didn't equal the amount of kisses delivered" can be interpreted as problematic and I want to clarify that ANYONE HAS THE RIGHT TO REVOKE CONSENT AT ANY TIME. I just thought it was a funny thing to say, and was bummed that we didn't make out cause she was very pretty & intelligent. However I am not entitled to anyone's body, and they are free to not make out with my face if they don't want to anymore. In this specific situation, I think we were both merely afraid to make the first move, but want to clarify for those who may take it in the way it isn't intended to be: just a funny little line I thought of.

Dating for women is like shopping, dating for men is like a job interview.

I went on a date with this one girl and she stayed on her phone the whole time. So I finished my food quick, Went to the register paid for my half of the meal and left.

One experience was really funny. We sat down in the café and were talking, suddenly she says "sorry, you're not my type, I gotta go!". I was like, "uhm alright, no problem. I'll stay a little longer, I like the place". Suddenly she went from that to "uh oh, now I feel bad" I said "Oh, don't mind, it's totally okay". She stood up. Sat down. Stood up again. Looked inside her handbag. "I'll pay for everything!!!!". I said "You don't have to, I'll just relax here" 😂. Everything was so weird about it haha she was completely confused. Then she went out and I ordered something, I kinda felt funny, I was smiling all the time, because I couldn't grasp what happened.

I'm a middle aged guy and I have a lesbian friend who is older than me and she has a lifetime of experience dating women. I really enjoy chatting with her because her stories of getting burned by manipulative women are basically the same as my stories of getting burned by manipulative women!

Two men on a date. Check arrives. Pays double.

Gotta be honest, both girls sitting on the couch talking for hours waiting for the other girl to make the first move is funny as hell.

A few years ago I started hanging out with a co-worker. It seemed like a normal platonic friendship at first but one day when we were streaming a movie together she put her head on my shoulder, totally unprompted. She stayed cuddled with me the entire movie. From that point she was texting hearts, always wanting affection and being very emotionally intimate. She told me she bought a blanket just for me when I came over. After a while though she started talking about a guy she'd been seeing from a dating app. When things came to a head she acted totally flabbergasted that I had thought we were dating or heading there, insisting that it was obvious her intentions were platonic the whole time. Despite the fact that she also said we couldn't be alone in her house or cuddle during movies anymore, making it pretty clear she knew that's not something you do with a friend when you're dating someone else. Don't get me wrong. I've been rejected before by female friends that I thought might like me and were just being friendly. I know how to take no for an answer and some of my best friends are women I started out having crushes on but pivoted to friendship with. Of course the difference between those friends and her, are that those other friends quite clearly, yet kindly, told me they weren't interested in anything besides friendship and never crossed any boundaries beyond the platonic with me. I was sad they didn't like me back sure, but I at least knew where they stood. That was a good preview of how good of friends they turned out to be. Her on the other hand, she basically treated me like her boyfriend until she found someone better. But she would only get defensive or angry when I told her that her behavior confused me completely refusing to validate my feelings. It really messed with my head, making me thing for a while that whenever I think someone likes me, no mater what she does, I'm wrong. It's probably not a surprise to learn that she was surprised I had a really hard time pivoting to platonic friends with her. Doesn't help that she wanted me to be her coach for this relationship and be her new boyfriend's best friend. It didn't work out and we don't talk anymore. I really appreciate Anna expressing empathy for what men go through in the fashion she did. It can be hard to talk about this sort of thing without sounding like I'm trying to say "I'm a man who got rejected, so I'm going to say a lot of sexist crap now." That's not what this is at all. Women do absolutely get harassed by men who refuse to respect boundaries or accept a no gracefully far too regularly. in this world and its wrong. But I also can't deny that more than once in my own dating life I feel like I've been expected to read the woman's mind and punished for not doing so. And I know I was not given the language or context to understand how to talk about that confusing, self-esteem damaging feeling with other people.

One of the few things that made me stay with my gf, currently my fiancé was: On our first date she demanded me to take her to a vegan restaurant. I thought "cool a girl that knows where she wants to eat out". There, I thoroughly disliked almost everything in the menu, I only order myself some fries and passion-fruit juice, since it was the only thing that looked "edible", to me. We had a good time despite that, we talk and connected. When it came the time to pay the bill she grabbed the bill and said: "Look, I saw you barely ate anything, let me pay this one to make it up for you." Those words, are still stuck in my head to this day, +8 year and counting, and It was at that moment I said to myself, "She got me good".

Imagine what she will feel when she realizes the first time a man gets flowers is at his funeral.

Pro tip for dating women: if a girl turns you down because she's "too complicated for you," you dodged a bullet

"I spend hours and money on preparing myself for you". Don't women usually say "I'm prettying myself up for me, not for you"?

The idea of two women going on a date and just staring at the check is lowkey hilarious 😂 almost as funny as her not paying when SHE asked YOU out 💀

Don't take a girl to dinner on a first date, go for a coffee.

So you’re telling me to date dudes too for me to understand women?

"The amount of kisses promised were not the amount of kisses delivered" Men get called incels for comments like this. She at least has the option of going back to dating men.

As a lesbian I agree with all the points. Plus - couple of girls told me they are straight right after the date, they just wanted to get a free meal😂

I feel like she just used me for a free meal All men in Ace Ventura voice: Reeeeaaaalllllyyyyyyy

"I don't feel like she likes me for me, she just wants a boyfriend" oh the accuracy!

There's the initial hurdle of simply demonstrating that one's self isn't a threat, which is a hurdle that women don't have to jump.

Dating women didn’t make you understand men. Dating women made you understand women.

2 very important rules guys 1. Never take a woman out on a dinner date on the first date. 2. Don't forget rule 1.

"I spent a ton of money on MYSELF, therefore, you should buy me a meal." Yeah, yup. Goodbye.

Hardest lesson I had to learn as a man is that if a woman is actually into you, you don't have to try. She'll go out of her way to make time to see you, she will text you maybe TOO much, she doesn't care if you pay for dinner or you go dutch or the two of you trade off every other date because she's just happy to be there with you. She doesn't have to be convinced and massaged and maneuvered into wanting sex, she just wants it, and will often even *gasp* initiate it herself rather than waiting for you to make a move. The thing that makes it confusing is how many women there are in this world that aren't into guys but will lead them on, for whatever reason. Money, an ego boost, someone to vent to emotionally, etc. I think a lot of women also do this weird thing where they look at a guy "on paper" and say well he has such and such a job and background and he's perfect boyfriend material, but they don't feel a strong sexual desire or romantic feelings, so they keep dating him in the hopes that those feeling "develop over time," which they NEVER do, meanwhile the guy knows after a couple dates if he's interested or not. Best advice I could give any guy is that if you're not sure if she's interested in you or not, she's not. Toss her aside and move on as fast as possible.

"I spent all this money buying things for myself, so you should pay for my meal, too" classic

Women: "I dress like this for myself, not for the attention it gets me from men" Also Women: "I put all this effort into looking nice for you so you have to pay for the date" Also Also Women: "You can't have any expectations about where the date will lead physically, but I have expectations about who will pay for the date"

lol girl that is just the demo wait for the full package with hits like : - I cheated on you and it was your fault. - I will be angry all the day and never tell you the reason. - My best friend partner does (insert X) for her. - I will give clear hints that im totally into you and the next day treat you as a total stranger. And my favorite: - I don't want to be with you but also don't want to see you with anyone else.

I think it’s even more difficult when she makes the same amount of money as you or more and expects the times to be “my money is my money and his money is our money”

Well, this is how human relationships go: If you're only taking, demanding and complaining, and being ungrateful, it will end. If you're grateful, give genuinely what you are comfortable giving, and say no when you mean it, then it might last and grow. Put yourself first.

Girl: dating women is so hard Guys: did you just understand me?

"I feel like she just used me for a free meal" Men: "only 1 free meal? You go off light."

You don't understand men, you just understand women a little more than you did.

For someone who has never "dated" in my life (I live in Sweden, so I guess the culture difference is massive)... I feel like "dating" in itself is quite unnatural to humans. It's like a social game/experiment which is mostly about decipher other person's expectations in a socially constructed environment. Personally I have never felt alienated towards women. I can be friends with women without sexuality being a part of the relationship. So what has happened for me is that you socially meet people throughout life. If you like one another you start hanging out like you would any friend (without the expectation of dating) and if there's a spark or interest between both parties, there's a pretty obvious tension in the air and when this happens it naturally leads to a first step and the start of a relationship... No restaurants, no flowers, no chocolate or any socially constructed ways to go about it. Instead we are just humans in our natural state, falling in love with one another. In the US I feel like there's a huge barrier between men and women, which makes natural interactions between the people of opposite sex sexual in its nature. Here I have no issue with my partner visiting a male friend, and my partner never have any trouble with me visiting a female friend... there is a natural trust and understanding that we are exclusive, and that interacting with the opposite sex doesn't have to be sexual.

When you go out with the homies just to chill everyone pitches in and if one is broke at the moment we got him. That’s bro code

“We girls spend our investments on makeup clothes, etc, looking good for you!” Also girls: “we aren’t wearing makeup and dressing for others we are doing it for ourselves!!!”

You don’t have to be bisexual to understand these issues, just self awareness and social awareness. 🙂

Fun Fact: The number of Lesbians divorcing is actually very high

"Doesn't offer to pay" "Doesn't say thank you" "Never hear from her again" This is just too perfect

Tip: Any girl that posts things on her social media such as: "If you cant handle me at my worst you dont deserve me at my best"..........Avoid. Run away like she were the black death itself

It's so weird to me how society pushes the idea of spending so much money on people you don't know, people you can't be sure you will click with it. It drives me crazy. Parents, friends, girlfriend of 5 years - I can understand that. But with your new date? You don't even know if there's gonna be a second date! Why would you spend 50 bucks on her? That's why 1st date should be all about being cheap, fun and allowing you to get to know each other.

Glad it's not just men noticing these things about dating women lol - the ghosting, the free dinner, the don't call only text, the "I have other guys lined up this week"

She missed the most important one.... having to be the one to ask the girl out and getting rejected.

After talking about paying on dates. I sent a message to my date that I am thankful that he paid for it and now I will be more aware about it.

Wow she casually said that she spent money on make up so men should should pay for her food And it wasn't even sarcasm

31 male here. I've given up on dating entirely and I'm far happier for it.

Its about time women began to realize that women are not saints.

Just another example of: "Its not real until it happens to you." - Human Beings 101

I had a relationship that lasted like 3 weeks and I'm positive that the only reason she asked me out is because she didn't like the idea of being single on Valentines Day.

"Girls take hours to get ready" Yeah, that's the problem isn't it? Y'all think you need to, but you don't. Y'all look better without all that. "Come as you are" - Kurt Cobain.

Welcome to being a man, you'll get your instructions on how to be a psychic mind reader in a few days.

You've barely scratched the surface. The rabbit-hole goes deeper than you can ever imagine.

Women: I don't wear makeup and dress nice for mens attention. Also women: I spent time looking good for the date so I expect you to pay for it. Dude I didn't tell you to wear makeup. That was your choice. I'm not paying for your choice to wear makeup.

There's a woman named Norah Vincent who wrote a book about her time undercover as a man. It didn't go well. She came away from it saying that her self-esteem will never recover. Gotta be one of the best titles for a book ever. "Self-Made Man" Very interesting author. She also wrote a book about mental health called "Voluntary Madness" in which she personally admitted herself for psychiatric "help" into 3 different mental health facilities to see the differences in care. That one... might have done her in. She struggled mentally ever since and when Switzerland legalized assisted suicide, she was among the first people to do it.

"Girls take hours to get ready and makeup costs money, therefor guys should pay" Cool - so you're gonna pay for my years gym membership and educations?

poopy dupe.

I'm in my late 20s and don't get asked out on dates the way I used to. I think there comes a point in time where guys get tired of chasing after women who aren't interested. Or paying for dates that lead to nowhere.

2:45 Imagine finally understanding what it’s like to date women as a man. Imagine thinking you’ve discovered something novel that men already know and experience every day.

“My investment is looking pretty for you, therefore your investment should be paying for my meal.” soo... you are objectifying yourself?..

"the amount of kisses promised didn't equal the amount of kisses delivered" haha I love this 😂

Libertarians: There is no free meal! This one girl: Hey do you wanna date me?

When ALL men say something. Just maybe you can just believe it..?

Just wait, soon you'll get hit with: You: "Where do you want to eat?" Them: "Anywhere is good." You: "Okay, we'll eat at _______." Them: *passive aggressive sigh*

I always ask pretty girls at the bar to buy me a drink. It never works and but I think it’s funny.

Experiences that expand our compassion and understanding is definitely worthy of sharing and taking note of. Thank you for sharing your experiences. It's great you learned about this and that you're being positive and that you are taking lessons from these moments. That's good. Not everyone does that and we ought to do so. I know I have tried to see everything that happens as a lesson. Because there is always something to learn from each one. I learned one from this one. Thank you Anna. Keep up the great content.

I am so glad that I found someone before getting into the dating scene cause it just sounds like trouble trouble trouble for everyone involved good lord

Long story short: She had to play the 'dude' in the relationships & didn't like it.

Wait until you hear "Thank you for dinner and drinks. You're a really nice guy. But..."

Feels like hearing a teenage boy realizing that girls are also people, just like him

I respect and appreciate both your message and your delivery. I've literally felt all of these things many many times, and I always feel like I'm not even supposed to tell these things to female friends for fear they will decide it means something negative about me. I've even gone on multiple dates with the same person without getting so much as a kiss before they dipped out entirely. I agree that nobody is entitled to anybody's body, but if you're going to allow someone to continue to take you on dates, the least you can do is express boundaries or goals or where you hope your interests will take you, etc. I have often felt used for my money, and rarely valued for being who I am. Dating feels like I have to prove my worth more than showing someone my quality as an individual, and it hurts.

The EGO to suggest that looking nice for a man is PAYMENT😂😂

"I Don't Know" = Most women's favorite restaurant.

quoting/paraphrasing the great american philosopher Al Bundy "I dont understand women, women understand women....and they hate each other...."

Im sorry you have had to go through this to see what we suffer from. Thank you for shedding light on this from your perspective it is greatly appreciated.

Woman: “I spent hours to get ready” Man: “I spent hours to make the money for the date” Difference is you still have the clothes and makeup after the date is over!

"I don't want to understand women. Women understand women and they hate each other." -Al Bundy

men say it, no views woman says it, 7.7M EQUALITY

I wouldn't have had a problem with the joke you describe, hell I've made a few of them myself from time to time and now you've got me worrying they were a mistake. To me it reads as a compliment and a positive signal that so far she's pleasantly surprised at how compatible you're turning out to be and if the feeling is mutual that's great! If I was told something like that I'd feel encouraged that things are going well and there might be a chance for something special to spark.

A female friend of mine recently told me she was going out with 3 dudes at the same time, saying she was just indecisive and enjoyed the free meals. She then told me how upset she was that one of them had started hooking up with another girl. She’s since committed to one of them, but the double standards were real.

I'm a bisexual woman and I find dating other women really hard because I feel like in most cases, they don't express their wants. Even if there are some hints, I'm just scared that I'm misreading the situation.

This was a breath of fresh air!

Ty for sharing your understanding. It helps a ton; makes it easier to realize we're not the only ones seeing or experiencing certain situations. In other words, we're not losing our minds. There are clearly some miscommunication moments happening in the dating scene.

"Girls get pretty for us" Women literally put makeup almost every time they leave the house for the whole world to see, we ain't special.

I once dated a girl that made fun of me for having “childish” hobbies. I first didn’t think much about that fact but soon she started make fun of everything I said (even if the things I told her were like absolute 100% facts!) At that time I thought she was just innocently pranking me. But then I noticed that every time we meet she uses any excuse to joke that I was dumb and she is smart. Then I got to know she was really insecure about her not being able to finish college and working as a cashier while me being a university graduate and working as a software developer. Needles to say I got fed up with her attitude and dumped her. Right now I’m married to the love of my life - and she is a huge nerd for lego and Warhammer 40k just like me. What I got out of my bad experience in dates - don’t waste your time on people that don’t want to respect your hobbies!

my experience tells me people are complicated regardless of their gender lol

Not all woman are bad Not all man are bad Everyone is different Some are good Some are bad But we need to know about all genders problem which also goes to men problems in dating etc . Just because few women or men are bad does NOT MEAN ALL WOMEN OR MEN ARE BAD

Did not even think you were making a sexual pun, since you know your a crazy cat lady.

To be honest, this is miniscule compared to what men really have to go through.

This illustrates my dating experience more then I like to admit. Nice work!

One of the things i dislike is the dismissal we get from women who have it easier when it comes to dating or anything in general Its just sad that it comes from my sister as well

Girl complains about dating women Boys: first time?

these problems can easily be solved by not dating people

I am just now coming into this understanding of not needing to understand men, but rather needing to understand myself. I’m understanding what my partner needs and learning what I can and where I can provide right now. I’m not happy with making him give me things. I ask if he’s ok with me doing things beforehand. I’m trying to provide things for myself and say thank you whenever he does things. I’m not going to lie and say I always like playing online games with him whenever I have the urge to play another game but I will do it bc I love him and I like the other game too. And I’ve come to agree that women can be complicated to say the least.

Congrats. That’s about 2% of it.

I date women to increase my threshold to pain.

"After dating women, I understand men." Nope, you understand lesbian women. Heterosexual men are on the absolute opposite of that spectrum. You just know what treatment most men are given.

I don’t care about who pays, I believe it’s the person who offers. I believe in true gender equality, meaning everyone is treated equally. I treat everyone equally and even though this may offend people, I wouldn’t hesitate to hit a woman *IF* they hit me first, as my rule is never strike first. The expectancy that men should pay is pretty rude, as to guys (or most guys) they don’t care about a lot of makeup, they just care to be loved. The reason why people that offer should pay is because It is pretty rude to offer someone to go to an expensive restaurant just to make the other person pay, or at least split the tab. This is for all the homies out there trying to explain why they act the way they act without being offensive. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk

It feels nice to be understood, thank you for posting this. My position is that if you ask someone out, you're paying. Later, if a friendship blooms, understandings, and negotiated agreements can enter the picture, but I do feel it is only polite to cover reasonable expenses if you invite/ask someone out.

Girls: this is so hard!! Boys: *this is normal.*

I love when girls say wearing make up and clothes is their "contribution" to the date. Like presenting your best when you are on a date isn't just basic and is on both ends.

Anytime you can expand your empathy and perspective it's a good thing.