My father loses his temper often. Daily. And it becomes mentally exhausting and emotionally towards my mother, my sister, and myself. This has helped me have a small insight on what to do. Thank you Jocko…. I would love to hear someone ask a question specifically about how to deal with an abusive broken father from his childhood and how he cary over his pain and insecurities onto us. Thank you.
Anger is the worst, but people who were abused in childhood often do have out of control anger. Not violent, but more like rageful...And you are right, it doesn't look good on anyone. It's because the adult is actually throwing a tantrum because of the needs that were not met when they truly needed someone to care for them. So as long as they are not violent, try and understand what might be driving someone's rage.
I don't believe that. My dad called me a cunt so much that it became my first word. Was locked in a closet by my grandmother many times. I have a bad temper and all but I'm also a nice person. I like children. I like to see them happy. I don't want any bad in this world.
That is exactly what I was saying....people with anger issues were often abused....I didn't say it excused any type of violence...I just said if someone knows someone with anger issues...there is probably a reason behind it. Not everyone experienced the same type of childhood abuse nor will they be effected the same way. There is no level of childhood abuse that is "worse" than others....all childhood abuse and neglect is horrendous.
Was beaten half to death once a week until I was 12 years old. I'm SUPER calm and a great father to my son. No anger issues whatsoever and never had any. But I get your point and you wrote "often" so you didn't imply that the rule applies to everyone.
@@seekn.destroy4064 I'd say emotional abuse is bad in other ways. Even though it might not hurt as much, it changes you. Not suddenly, but bit by bit. You start to believe what the abuser tells you and it convinces you. You start to question your own perception, everything. It drives you into self-hate and suicide. It took me until last summer to realize it shouldn't hate myself. Making it not affect you in such way is HARD. EXTREMELY HARD. But let's not argue about which type of abuse is worse.
It's not complete lack of emotion that's impressive, that's just dissociation and aloofness. Having the full presence, full awareness, and full power of the emotion and directing it the way YOU want to... that is impressive.
@@austinblackwell9141 My presumption is that it took them years of discipline and training and exposure to individuals who already possessed that skill.
Echo Charles is JACKED!!! I've been practicing pivoting a ton this year. One thing I need to get better at is not coming across as arrogant in these situations. Thanks for all of the content you all have given us.
Some people are just so far down a rabbit hole that you can’t revert A B C D and E by telling them D and E are wrong. To them D and E are the only logical steps because A B and C are in place. Real growth comes when you shed every bit of what you think you knew from the last decade and relearn the world. I think as your brain develops you start to have realizations and catch up to everybody else’s way of life. That’s why so many people look bad and think they were dumb because they followed the alphabet for so long then realized everyone’s numbering things.
Plenty of people who have no reason to be mentally ill do downward spiral so badly that they're about as easy to communicate with as a drug addict. A lot of people can rebound from being irrational. A lot of people are just delusional because they're so far into denial. The issue with that is they need to endure an intense break away from cognitive dissonance. I don't recommend trying to induce that. It could be extremely dangerous to both parties involved. I did it to my sister but I have known her my whole life. And guess what? I was terrified.
People that dont understand that they lose their temper are probably narcistic because they think they are always right. I wish my family member understood that they lose their temper over petty things
Im 50 and have 25 years of mareiage and now im learning all you say.... and is working,..... when we are young we dont think the things as well as now.... men youbare makimg great work shaein all this to the young .....👌👌👌
Jocko, Ever since Iraq and being blown up 6 times and watching brothers die without having the capacity to give a shit due to our circumstances; I came back with an explosive temper! I am going to the VA psychiatrist and psychologist but I’m not seeing any light. I was never bothered by my wife’s voice or her hand motions when she talked BEFORE I was deployed; but now I get furious with her due to both!! I’m not sure that it’s an Ego issue because it’s instantaneous. What if anything do you have in your Awesome experience and advice for Veterans who are diagnosed with PTSD and TBI; who are dealing with explosive tempers post war. I served in Baghdad 06’-08’ pre and during the “Surge”.
I used to find small events [when people didn't lose their temper] to reward "others". The more I Go My Own Way, the more discerning I am with my conflict management skills. Great video!
Gonna be 100% honest I saw the muscles and immediately assumed you guys would be ‘meat heads’ but this conversation has blown my assumptions out of the water. Like I really do feel dumb as fuck for allowing my preconceptions to go unchecked. Also I love these kind of videos because I can feel them slowly repairing pieces of emotional trauma.
@@tvern77 I'm sure it's not with the cramps, and bloating, and what not. My hats off to all women who not only put up with that once a month, but the willingness to carry a child for 9 months and give birth. I'm pretty sure women can tolerate pain better than men.
My sister in law came into the kitchen and we asked her where her fiance was. She said that he was sleeping and she didn't want to wake him up for dinner because he acts like a toddler when you wake him up from a nap. This blew my mind, no one else even thought about it, but I thought how in the world is that okay? Throwing a fit should be embarrassing beyond belief.
Jocko is so smart, my ex made all these mistakes, giving no emotion when I was upset about something, letting his ego get in the way, not wanting to look "weak" in his own mind, but really just coming off as cold and arrogant.
Really important discussion. Unnecessary anger issues plague all of humanity... It wouldnt hurt if we learned to be a little bit more Vulkan. Not all the way, but a little bit. Why always make bad situations even worse? So stupid.
I feel like I am the only one in my family who can control their emotions. Actually, my dad stays pretty controlled but in extreme cases, he will start yelling. When it comes to my mom and brother, they go ape shit. It's actually insane sometimes.
Ego and not being in touch with themselves nor able to express themselves, add a pile of insecurity and people get mad. They dont always see the truth of whats going on or recognise a true threat. they see and hear thru their emotional filter and all combined can make it hard dealing with people and create some messes. Thats why the most important thing in a marraige is communication.
🤯 ... you’re right... I forgot how the wisdom of love and freedom is unlike any other wisdom; it is the purest type of wisdom. Unique and Personal, yet Courageous and Relentless. The wisdom of Isis is plainly death and loss... may Jesus continue to bring hem dreams of His Glorious presence so that they will all be saved!
When I got out of juvenile my junior year, I was living with my dad and he said something about my mother. I put about 3 holes in the wall that are still there.
my dad spit in my face after slandering my mom and wanting me to hit him. instead i laughed and called him a coward piece of shit. i then proceeded to punch a hole in the wall as well. thank you for sharing your story. all the best to you in life
When you search for mind games the book there are many from all different authors. Do you have a link to the book on your amazon account? I wonder how much you would make from giving the links to the books on your amazon resellers account? Just an idea... It would help.
@echocharles who is the author of the book mind games? I want to make sure I get the correct one. Also a big Thank you to jocko and echo for these podcasts. You're helping me be a better man and most importantly a better father to my son.
You brilliant bastard. Would you recommend furthering your education to learn more about human psychology? Considering getting my clinical degree, if you found an alternate route to getting this smart I’d love to hear
I don't want to lose my temper but sometimes you need to show your teeth , or people will walk all over you , I would rather talk calmly or walk away if I feel like I'm going to lose it
I have a temper and lose control. I’m also a communication major that’s been in the army, going through 3 dui’s, and if you call me a baby I should slap you. My tempers not for power, it’s for you to leave me tf alone. My power stems from my IQ.
I don't agree with what Echo said at 10:36. I grew up watching people close to me losing their temper all the time over the littlest and most insignificant things, and I thought that was so stupid and bizarre that I would behave and act exactly the opposite. I rarely lose my temper.
I disagree with Echo’s comparison of losing your temper and not being able to read. Reading is taught to every child over several years in every school system. Emotional regulation is not mentioned at any age in school. Children without emotionally competent authority figures are left far behind and lack the language to even ask the questions to catch up.
