There is no such thing as a female/male friend. Most times these so call friends are a detriment to a relationship/marriage. Let your husband/wife be your best friend👍
I had a male best friend, whom I pretty much grew up with. He eventually asked me out, but I didn't feel the same, much as I loved him as a person. When he got a girlfriend, I was a bit irritated when he wasn't willing to hang out as much as before. On top of that, he and the girl weren't good for each other. We were all pretty young (22 and younger), but my brother pointed out that that girl was the one who wanted to keep him warm at night, so whatever problems our friend had with her weren't for us to solve. That helped me to grow up--I was wrong to want emotional access to someone who needed more from me than I was willing to give. I always thought of my friend like a brother, but he wasn't my actual brother. It was my turn to be a true friend and do what was best for him, which meant putting some distance between us. I didn't want to be the woman in his life, so I had to make way for the girl who did. Guy or girl, the mature and sensible thing to do is always step back when you're opposite sex friend finds a partner. No one should have to sit you down and establish boundaries. If you are soooo tight with that person, go on and marry THEM. Otherwise back off like his sister and his mother did.
"I was wrong to want emotional access to someone who needed more from me than I was willing to give. " and " I didn't want to be the woman in his life, so I had to make way for the girl who did." Ladies, take note of these pearls of wisdom!!! And also, just come to terms that if any man is "friends" with you, trust me, he wants MORE than friendship. So, don't act surprised and naive when you are in a long term relationship and your man is telling you to knock off the male friends shit. We don't care if you were born on the same day at the hospital or other "we are like siblings" bullshit. We know what is going on and you are being disrespectful by entertaining this dude.
While I do understand that people have friends before entering into a relationship or marriage; however when you know you're endeavoring to seek a relationship or a season of love it's your responsibility to utilize boundaries and minimize the information you share with your ”friends.”
Yeah but most women KNOW when a male friend is hoping to fuck her one day....you just know because you've seen the signs. Therefore I break up with my gf if she can't respect me and end the friendship with the guy knowing his hidden intentions because he takes the fucking nice guy route and play her friend
I honestly believe in letting God pick. God literally picked out my house and car, because I asked Him. What He picked out, I now drive and live in. So if God blew my mind with the home and car, He getting ready to blow blow blow my mind with the man of God He chooses for me.
Being friendly with the opposite sex is fine...but being best friends, and spending time with that person all the time? Texting first thing in the morning, last text at night? WRONG. Doing this is not only disrespectful to the sanctity of marriage, it is crossing a boundary, and opens you up for temptation. Before there is sexual infidelity, there is first emotional infidelity.
I agree too. A married man cannot be ‘close’ friends with a single lady without the wife being okay with it. Never. Especially when the wife is cunningly kept ‘separate’ from this so-called friendship. There is no excuse for that. No matter what anyone thinks and would like to label it. The married man might not have any intentions, but the single lady would think that the married man is infatuated with her, and in reality his behaviour and actions may show he is, but he will be in denial until the time he finds himself in an uncompromising situation. Emotional attachment to someone else who isn’t your wife or husband is cheating and WRONG. The husband’s friend must be known to the wife and vice versa. There must be boundaries set on both sides.
I thoroughly enjoyed this session. I am one of those who prefer that my future husband does not have female best friends. In my view, that’s the way to flee from temptation because I also believe that you are most vulnerable when you think you are standing. That said, I also believe the time to prepare for your spouse is in your singleness. The time to have those boundaries set up is not when they show up. That puts your spouse in bad light because they become the reason you withdrew from these friendships with your close friends of the opposite sex. I strongly believe in creating the environment prior to the person coming in. It may also be informed by my personality 🤷🏾♀️. I also always say that another woman’s man cannot and should not be your Superman! You cannot be calling up another woman’s man when your car breaks down, or whatever other situation comes up. (This is something I told a female friend of mine who was getting too comfortable with a married male colleague, and she felt ok with it because the wife knew her as his friend and had never brought up any issue). As the woman coming into a man’s life, you don’t want to be seen to be trying to alter his life. That’s why I am all for already walking in a manner that would make your future spouse comfortable coming into your life and forging a union with you. Those close friendships with people of the opposite sex are where we are most susceptible to falling - going way down the deep dark hole with our eyes fully open, but seeing nothing at all.
I agree with you 100%! I always say that you have to create the right environment in your singleness, because the seeds of your singleness will be shown in your relationship!
I totally agree with what you had to say on this issue...but never ever did you mention that YOU shouldnt have make friends, you said ur future husband shouldnt have female friends ...it goes both ways , ijs
Colin C I gave the example of my friend’s close friendship with a guy to say that it applies both ways. And to clarify, it’s not that either should entirely have no friends of the opposite sex; such friendships should have healthy boundaries that are in place even before either party is in a relationship. These cannot be your closest/best friends from my POV.
@@DiKajigi again i hear you and totally understand what ur saying...i agree, but you never once held urself accountable for not having a male friend or living by those ideas....how bout say my future husband, no female friends, and I, no male friends😊
This lady is exactly how I am...that bad boy thing, I had to figure out and I did, thank God. I no longer have a "type"...I now am attracted to men that are not worldly, fleshly...I'm definitely looking for more of a spiritual connection...I had to have a stern talk with myself and acknowledge that I have evolved, no longer the chic that grew up in the hood and that I alone, am enough! ❤😊 This conversation was EVERYTHING!
Men and woman can be friends, in a relationship.. it may not be good to hang out Alone together and no late night calling and texting. The problem is when men or woman find out about the “friend”. If you two are really friends they will come up in regular conversation and actually meet each other. A true friend will respect your relationship.
It’s the sneakiness and pretence that makes it wrong, otherwise having platonic friends is not bad in itself. Husband can provide feedback on their day to the wife after work, and intelligently omit having lunch with the ‘friend’. Wasn’t that part of his day?
Oh she is bomb🔥 I love her insight. I love how she was the interviewer and interviewee. She's an experienced woman and full of wisdom. This is one of my favs. 🙌🏾
@@liehash yup, when I hear that phrase "i'm just a friendly person" that is a MAJOR red flag to me. Usually when someone self describes as "friendly" they are attempting to cover for their inappropriate behavior while in a relationship or inappropriate behavior with others who are in a relationship. I have a brother who is like this. He is "the life of the party" and very outgoing and he uses this as his excuse for being a little to friendly in conversation with other women and sometimes openly flirting with them (doesn't matter if he is in a relationship or the woman is). He has never really held down a relationship for very long and admits that "things just happened" on more than one occasion with another woman. Women who do this are even worse in my opinion because they can fall back of the feigned naivety even more so than men. They always seem to be chatting up the kids soccer coach, the dude at church, the neighbor, etc and pretend that she is just being nice. I would never put up with my wife doing that.
Wow! There was so much maturity in your final statement when you said that “ Instead of safeguarding your marriage, you started safeguarding that friendship. “ I admire and appreciate your public accountability❗️ Keep up the great work❗️✊🏽
In relation to being led by God (Him choosing) for you in terms of a spouse: 1) Abraham sent his servent to choose a wife for his son-therefore leaning and trusting in God is the way-Mark 4:22 asking the Father to reveal that which is hidden to manifest it... 2) Praying without ceasing for a spouse that the Father will be the central focus of the future marriage. 3) Praying even more e.g. 4 times a day when one was single... Stepping up the spiritual guidance to double or more, when a person is presented. 4) The Father is Alpha and Omega...who knows all things before time-therefore He knows what is best fitted for you spiritually and emotionally. 5) Fruits of the Spirit-are these characteristics present in the person ? How it is seen in character, action and deeds of this individual? 6) Asking the Father to adjust our viewing from carnal to spiritual... Removing the scales and allowing a single to see through a spirit led lens people...e.g. When getting to know individuals. 7) pray and fast-be in the Word and on your face before the Father. 8) The Father's ways are higher and His thoughts are too... Therefore, the Father's ability is greater and superior to any human beings. 9) Have a deeper faith, trust, patience and confidence in the Father... Because what He has for a single in terms of a spouse may not be what you WANT e.g. Flesh wise, but He will give you what you NEED to grow and flourish to be more like Him (divine, royal and LIGHT-FILLED. 10) The Father never makes mistakes and the man or woman He has for you will demonstrate love, kindness, patience, long-suffering, gentleness, self-control... They will be understanding and highly respectful of you. The future God given spouse WILL be liken to a hand in a glove... Trust the Most High to take the lead on this matter for singles....
I love Jade's personality. She is definitely my kind of people... I love people who can have that random authenticity in relationships like y'all kicking it on the porch or at the kitchen table!!! 😊
This episode was so good. This topic can be touchy for some but needed to be discussed. I believe that the individuals involved in the relationship know beforehand which friends of the opposite sex are just that and those that are a little too close. So therefore they have to make the decision to set those boundaries out of respect for their partner and the relationship. Some of those friendships depending on who you’re with will have to be cut off. You can definitely have those friendships with boundaries as Jade stated. You guys are hilarious and I hope you bring her back to discuss those different topics that were touched on.
The mere fact that she hesitated and took soo long to articulate whether or not in outside friendship is inappropriate, shows that this difficult and confusing Dynamic should never be introduced into a serious relationship. Why introduce a third party that could potentially be hazardous? You are sabotaging the relationship before it could ever get off the ground. The real Question that should have been addressed is why people feel as though they need an opposite sex friend while still being in a relationship? It's unfruitful and unwise. Only a simp would allow such a thing
I just went through a break-up and there are many factors as to why that relationship did not work....One of the most important factors and a deal breaker was/is inappropriate conversations with the opposite sex. Not to mention that some do not view this as inappropriate. I release all control to God.
My ex loved taking selfies & loved attention too much from others to make our relationship a safe & secure place for me. He would rather be intimate & connected with social media rather than his woman so that was the end of that.
That bothered you but everyone is different. I could care less and in fact if he was nice looking and liked to do creative self portraits that were great photography I may even encourage him to post if it was not a big narcissistic thing (because we simply should not be overly focused on ourselves).
God can definitely pick when you ask him to remove the things that are not his pick and to reveal signs. The only way you can successfully let him pick is to seek him FIRST and truly get into a relationship with him. That way you will clearly see the signs he is revealing to you. His pick will also never EVER contradict his word so knowing that is also a major key.
I absolutely love your podcast! Great interview. I personally believe you can't tell people who they can be friends with. If I had a friend of the opposite sex he would also need to be friends with my significant other and the same in reverse. If my guy's female friend didn't want to be friends with me, I'd see that as a problem. With all that being said, no man or woman wants a friend of the opposite sex knowing more about their mate than they do. I would cut off any friendship that made my SO uncomfortable and as a friend, I would pull back the communication with a male friend out of respect for his relationship. It's all about boundaries and respect.
I would be interested in your perspective on these terms people use like "Work Wife" or "Work Husband". I think it's disrespectful to put that title on a work friend or work relationship. Even if it's in a playful way. And I say this as a person who is married and have a male best friend. But I would never call him "husband" in any manner.
I don't know why it has taken me so long to discover your pod cast! The transparency of all the guest..and yours as well has blessed me. Bless You,Sir Laterras! ,✨🙏🏽🍷
Uuuummmmm she just cuts it up straight and raw and real. Really loved and enjoyed this conversation. And laughed a lot..It was LIT...it was an easy and open talk...it was loaded! Wanna listen to this again... Thank you Lady Jade and Sir Laterras.
I just want to say this particular rpisode really blessed me as this was the fundamental issue that led to the separation of my guy, my best friend and I. I NEVER wanted him to not find value in his friendships with other women, however, I did ask for the LIT mentality without knowing of this channel and the LIT significance. I think that as I raised instances of being uncomfortable, communication started to become hidden and that led to a feed forward circle that I was trying hard recover from to feel safe consistently. Have as many friends as you want. I'm not trying to control anyone BUT honor us. Do your friends know about me? Do your friends test that boundary with flirty comments and behavior? and if they do what is your response? Hopefully, if it comes to that, he will have chosrn "us" over the friend who consistently violates the boundaries he has tried to set. It took me time to recognize your "friends" are into sabotage as well--and don't always want to see you "shine" with someone else. These lurking friends are a threat to the partnership as well. I'm looking for the episode on social media as this also is a trigger I am hoping to heal from. If anyone knows the link please share in a response. Stay safe and blessed all. 🖤
I been with my male best friend for 30+ years. His first wife and I were good friends. He married twice since her passing. I sèe my best friend as my brother. I am not physically attractive to him. Don't get me wrong he is very Attractive. I don't ever want to cross that line. He is my best friend and I want keep it that way. "Everyone is not mature in those types of situation" Be wise!!
DFW has done it again! From the first episode to now, every episode has been challenging, thought provoking, and filled with points well taken. This truly was a great conversation! It felt like sitting in the living room with friends talking about relationships. I laughed so hard at times I had to press pause or just decided to watch it again and again, because I would miss it the second time!🤣🤣🤣 Lady Jade is hilarious. I can't believe she is an introvert. She is so down to earth, and her transparency is refreshing. She could definitely fit in my friend circle. I could relate to every point she made...even the "bad boys" preference. Being with them has led to nothing but a headache, a backache, and a yeast infection! 🤣🤣🤣 I'm just saying! This episode has definitely landed in my binge worthy vault. Awesome job!
Lady Jade is hilarious while being truthful. I love her energy. As long as there are boundaries and integrity, the opposite sex shouldn't be a problem.
This was a fun conversation! I like her spirit and I agree with all that she said. Friendships should not have priority over your relationship ! I truy enjoy your letters to your future. Your relationship is already blessed!
Wow...just wow. So, I have to admit i was a little triggered initially about this topic, since I've had similar experiences to Jade, and I also happen to notice that many men tend to have "platonic" friendships with women they find attractive...coincidence? I think not lol I've also friend zoned a few guys whose company I enjoyed, but i knew liked me, so... side eye. BUT, Jade has such a beautiful spirit and is someone I would totally sister circle. Watching the two of you unpack this topic changed my whole mood because there was something very sincere, transparent and authentic about your connection that was clearly not rooted in romantic chemistry or attraction (although she is absolutely gorgeous). And I think that's the sauce. And that's where the security begins. The vibe has to be right. And women know intuitively when it's not. Man, I just love these episodes. Another great one!
Your comments on boundaries struck a cord with me. Made me think , it must also apply to situations where we start safeguarding other relationships- including those with our own families - more than we do our wedding vows, trouble is surely on its ways. Awesome show! #LIT
Big facts! About meeting them. I had never met my ex-husband's "bestfriend" and always felt uneasy about it and would Express this. Only for them to have a child a month after him & I were married. Which he did not tell me about until she was 6months along.
I broke it off with my boyfriend a few days ago. He is not only have a lot of female friends, he doesn’t have boundaries on things he share with them, and also do 1:1 dinner and stuff like that. It’s been an issue for me and fought many times around this matter, and he classified me as jealous and insecure. And I know he told his friends all that. He is turning 38 years old this year. He would do 1:1 dinner with his close female friend of 8 years, as well as a female friend from the office he knew for 1.5 years. We are 10months in relationship and still in love, but I gotta break it off because I know that I can’t learn to accept this. All my past relationship, we were all just know boundaries once we have relationship, and how we conduct our friendships would change and respectful and prioritize our relationship. None of us need to give up on any friends at all, we just gotta drop some things and know that things will not gonna be the same. I feel very heartbroken that I have to make this hard decision. I hope he respected our relationship more. I know I can’t put restriction, because that’s not how it suppose to be. I hope one day he see what I see.
Smart, people like this don't change. They just hide their behavior and get mad when they get caught and blame you for "having to hide it from his insecure woman"
I real enjoyed your guest Jade; she seems fun and independent. I also appreciate her perspective about therapy. She’s not giving up on herself. Great episode
I've been watching the podcast for a few weeks now and have have some relativity to me but this particular episode is very personal. I have a male friend I've known for 27 years that has separated from his wife whom I'd connected with as she was a part of him. Since their separation he has expressed his interest in me, I have only viewed him as a friend and I feel that if we became more than it would put his soon to be ex wife in an uncomfortable position and have her viewing our friendship as though something was always there and possibly shady behind her back when it wasn't. I feel like that would make the relationship extremely difficult to navigate. I appreciate every episode and thank all that are involved in the production.
Yass my love language is gift giving, quality time & words of affirmation. Bro jade is literally me. The securing the bag with a man requires giving up the sugar which for me i always say getting what you want with a man comes at a cost. I NEVER EVER want to date a influencer or someone who is in the music industry, sports. Can jade be my mentor!! I love her!
Yes Jade!! Someone kind!! I underrate the value of kindness! I thought treating me well was enough. Now I realize that treating OTHERS well is the new standard.
I like her. She reminds me of myself. I once heard it said the reason we like a bad boy is because we like "confidence with an edge", and the ideal guy would be a good guy with an edge. A confident spark of unpredictability in a guy that in other aspects of his life got it together and knows how to treat a woman. My perfect guy. I haven't found him yet, but I'm convinced he's out there because I'm here😊
51:47 this is the honesty about cheating and learning from it. Authentic. It happens so often. Glad you were honest about it being failure and secrecy. Refreshing
Lady Jade is MY GIRL! LOVE listening to her on Dede in the morning EVERY DAY! Im still waiting to get through for the $1000 minute! If so I already know who I'm getting to read the questions!!!
This podcast is so real & true. As a women, I too have dated someone with friends in the past & had to tell him about setting boundaries. In a relationship the women or man should always know besides God your relationship/family should always come 1st! I really enjoyed the transparency in this podcast & the letter at the end touched my soul! Beautiful message....
I appreciated this discussion, your honesty, and transparency. I think couples can learn from the discussion points in this podcast with Lady Jade. Well done.👌🏾
One of my top 5 favorite interviews on the "Dear Future Wifey" Podcast. I could relate to Lady Jade and I enjoyed the dynamic between you two. It led to some real honest conversations.
This cast's letter is so beautiful. However it feels scary. For someone to be the expert on me would mean being totally open to them. Having the confidence that they will respect my information. More work needed. I am learning so much about good relating. Sore in places but healing. Thank you.
Respect is everything. I feel the same. I will respect a friend by backing up from friendship too when they get in a relationship. Boundaries are everything.
Laterras you and your shows are the bomb! Your podcasts are factoring in my healing. Also, Lady Jade is soo real and I can see why there's a friendship!
Man I was so sleepy but she is dope one of my favorite female on the podcasts thus far. I love her energy. She would be someone I love to meet. So real. Good people is hard to come by
When a man/woman enter into a serious relationship, their significant other should already know about close friends of the opposite sex. If/when they introduce someone as a "close friend" and it's a total shock-that let's you know they are full of crap. A close friend is introduced/mentioned in conversation before or when the relationship is getting serious. I will not cut out a lifelong friend due to insecurities of my significant other nor should he. Of course boundaries will be set but that comes with communication & the utmost respect for each others feelings.
I am Enjoying this podcast. The Different Perspective is very Refreshing. Especially when we put Christian on it...like it's a weapon against Failure. Signed - a Christian woman that has been divorced and is learning from my past mistakes, to not Repeat them. Peace and Blessings to you.
I've had male friends in the past, 9 times out of 10 they've proven to have ulterior motives. Emphatically YES! You can have friends of the opposite sex....... when you're in elementary school, after that it's risky. Be smart and be respectful. Great show.
That's true we both, women and men see the red flags, yet we try to go through a growth process with them. Whether it's us who are toxic or them. Boundaries should be establish up front
That was a good topic relationship. I could relate to Jade about picking the wrong guy. I'm older now and wiser therefore I know what I want. That's the best God 🙌💯 have for me.
I've seriously been seeking advice on this because it came up recently between my fiance and I. I don't want to control him or guilt trip him into not having female friends and I told him about my past experiences and why it bothers me. He went on to say that I was holding my past experiences against him and it was wrong of me to think he is the same! I never said that! I simply told him that I didn't know we were having friends of the opposite sex and had this chick never called while I was in his presence I would have never known! He never mentioned it ! Lord there's so much to unpack !!!! Smh But it was something I we never discussed ! Now it needs discussing and clarification moving forward!!
Excellent conversation 🔥🔥. I used to listen to Lady Jade on the radio when I lived in Dallas. I was pleasantly surprised to see her as your guest. She has come a long way! I'm loving her energy and maturity. Thank you for such a wonderful topic, as usual 🙌🏾.
It's J; Thank you for sharing. Your topic really brought out an interesting point about how an adult (male or female) should conduct themselves. The fact of moving into an intimate relationship just brought out the fact that there was inappropriateness there all along. If we do some honest soul searching we will find the truth underlying these so called 'friendships.' An exception is in the case of spiritual family (usually older) who assume the role of an absent or deceased parent, grandparent, etc.. In such a case there is no need to hide their existence and to the contrary, it is better to introduce them as part of your life. but some folks just love drama, confusion and what not. I guess everybody is a 'package deal' in one way or another. Peace
Watched a recent episode of Ready To Love and they had friends that were male & female who met the interest on the show. And most of the people felt like having friends of the opposite relationship was suspect. Now, listening to this podcast just confirms if you are going to meet someone and classify them as a friend, that NEW friend needs to be friends of your boyfriend/husband at that time. Especially, if you are going to be long-term with this person. And yes, there should be boundaries too.
Small "t" trauma as coined by Dr. Anita Phillips. Great topic and conversation again!! I truly love this channel and content! Jade is so refreshing! I'm an introvert as well. I'd listen to her in Chicago!
Jade hit home when she practically said *Men don’t seek women that got their shit together/successful!* Coming from a woman that needs nothing material from a man it’s heartbreaking and, quite frankly tiring to go thru.😔
This is good! Tired of picking the wrong person. We collect red flags and create unhealthy attachments. I've never been married and am terrified of it. I'm learning that being single is a gift and can be good. 1 Corinthians 7 breaks down married vs single.
Hey, that last part was so great. God grant your wishes Sir. Thanks for having your friend over. She has shared so much. I also appreciate her advocating for therapy. It does help to talk about issues that have affected us in the past to help us manage our present and future. I wish you both the very best of what life has to offer! God's blessings to you all! :)
If the friends (on both sides) cannot be friends together, then there will be situations that could have been avoided. She nor he should have a relationship without being inclusive of the significant other.
Lady Jade, said exactly what I wanted my ex husband to know (trust) at 24:00 - a man must trust who he is in a relationship with, “he is secure not in himself, but in who it is he knows who he is in a relationship with.” 34:00 Jade just hitting home for me; not wanting the man to think you are with him for his money. And at 37:00, you are a real one! Morally sound. I knew you’d find the right man. Someone that appreciate what you bring and That you’ll know how to receive.
You should do a episode with couples from different religion and how that negatively and positively impact them. I definitely agree with the more successful you are the harder it is to find a man, especially a black woman. It is always rare to find a black woman who has it all:success, healthy & happy marriage, etc. Even look at cardi b she is married but does not have it all because she is had gotten cheated on several times and got public embarrased.
Problems arise from the high level of insecurities within people. There were women before you and there will be other women after you in terms of friendship. Its expectations that fail us in relationships. People don't owe it to you to not be themselves while with you. Either people learn to accept who you're with or learn to move on.
