Uncover The Truth: Can You Really Be Transparent With Your Partner? (ep. 119) 

“Do you ever think we’re doing our partners a disservice by choosing for them?” MAN! Jalon SHINED this episode! He is so emotionally intelligent. Loved Omar’s point about emphasis on friendship too. Spot on

“I think my partner is my partner” is comedy 😂

I think what Jalon was tryna get at (or at least what I took from it) was do you feel like you can speak freely around your partner (the same way you would with your other friends) or do you have to “remember who you’re talking to” & filter some things or leave some things out & are you ok with that level of transparency or do you want to speak a bit more freely with them? And it felt like that was being misunderstood

As a 39 year old married woman who doesn’t have male friends, it’s so refreshing to be a fly on the wall in these conversations. My husband has said many of these things over the years but it’s hard for me to receive it. I become so defensive and personalize a lot of things which makes him shut down. I’m a work in progress & conversations like this helps because I want to be a better wife, daughter, mother and all around better person. Thanks guys 🙏🏾

This episode was incredible and so insightful. Omar’s vulnerability regarding struggles with parenthood was so necessary. I understand exactly what Jalon was trying to articulate but I think Duke has a slightly different perspective of what transparency looks like to him. Learned so much from this!!!! My guys! 🎉

This conversation got tricky , only because there’s no wrong or right ! I’m married and I agree with Jalon and Duke ! I think being able to be transparent with your partner just feels good! You walk around with weightless shoulders.., but then you gotta ask yourself is that a bit selfish! If I tell my partner EVERYTHING, Even men that try to holla at me knowing deep down it can mess with his head just because it feels good to ME to tell him .., but it’s at HIS expense… is that fair ? There is a such thing as oversharing! Like that old folks say” some things are better left unsaid” and you gotta be ok with that ! I myself have been an oversharer simply because I don’t like holding things but the more mature I got I realized.. not everything matters … and that’s ok ! Great convo ! Food for thought

Jalon doesn’t miss 👏🏿👏🏿

Dropping tiny nuggets of information as they occur definitely builds trust.

. I applaud Omar for being transparent on how he feels. Im a parent of a 9 month old. All I can say It get better with time. Duke and Jalon bought had great points. Another great one. 💯

Before I go any further in watching this episode, I want to say that I think it was genius of Jaylon’s friend to do what he did with his wife regarding the topic of a one night stand. Period.

Does anybody else feel like Jalon and Duke were having two different conversations? Lol

The topic around 44 minutes was huge. I’ve had several conversations with my partner around transparency and what situations I do want to know about and others that I don’t, but I feel the most important piece that wasn’t touched on much is HOW to actually have that conversation with your partner. You both must seek to understand what they would/wouldn’t want to know and respect their wishes. Otherwise, it definitely feels like that space of transparency is only one sided if my partner is making decisions on what I should or shouldn’t be privy to. It’s up to each of us to be responsible and accountable in the moments our partner does share something we might not “want to hear”, but those conversations ultimately are what have the greatest potential to forge a deeper connection. Really enjoyed this episode y’all!!!

Integrity is more important than transparency!

How come you guys always release an episode that aligns with what I might be dealing with internally or with my partner lol? It’s always spot on.

44:06 - I understand exactly what Jalon is saying. I couldn’t talk to my ex about ANYTHING. It would cause tension or an argument. I definitely couldn’t mention if I saw someone at the supermarket. He hated that I watched this podcast. That was a problem for him to.

This is really good, I never knew men saw transparency how women do and it’s beautiful how you guys unpacked this topic! Thank you Big Bros

“You missed that wave”🤣😭

Omar and Team, thank you for your honesty and vulnerability in general but to share that with your listeners is major. I pray for you, your wife and your daughter and you raise an awesome little human. Everyone has a slightly different experience with parenting, but NONE of it is ever perfect or easy. As long as you keep showing up with love, honesty and respect, you can't go wrong #WINNING

Truthfully….as I hear this conversation and hear and see things in my daily life..I can’t believe how many people are NOT transparent. In romantic relationships or not

"We're looking at transparency like its someone prying into your life." WOW man, I am so guilty of that.

I think we as humans give too much power to our flesh and to our emotions. We allow our flesh and our emotions to control us instead of the other way around. I do believe it’s very important to be transparent with your partner and you should be able to speak to the person you are married and or in a relationship with about anything in my opinion; however, if my significant other came to me and told me he is having a sexual fantasy about a one night stand and or wanting to act that out, I would definitely want to dig a little deeper into why he is feeling this way. I would not judge him but I would be curious. I think we should all be careful with what our flesh wants. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Galatians 6-8. I appreciate this conversation fellas! 😊

Another great conversation.👌🏾 There are several things you can just observe in others' overtime and address if need be. But intentional withholding shouldn't be a thing in a relationship without valid cause. IE: it's a surprise. Not directly affecting your partner and / or your relationship. Things that affect trust or threaten the relationship.

The analogies used describing levels of transparency was very well articulated 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

Aye I’m definitely using “decorated past” going forward 😂😂😂

I get Dukes point, not all people or partners want full transparency so it’s about learning your partner, having conversations and understanding what they can handle knowing or prefer not to know. Some people don’t have the capacity for full transparency and thats okay. In general, I do think a great amount of transparency coupled with with unconditional love and respect is a beautiful thing.

This is just such a great honest and thought provoking discussion about communication that is done amongst a group of men who are demonstrating how you listen and communicate in a trusted space..appreciate it.

I recently stumbled upon this podcast, and I'm glad I did. As a 52 yr old woman in the midst of divorce after 22 yrs, this was really insightful. I have a 29 yr old son who is a newlywed (2yrs) and a 20yr old daughter entering her junior year of University. I've been so overwhelmed and preoccupied with my current transition but this episode took me back to earlier times. Jalon: how much transparency is necessary with your partner. Great topic. I don't think it's necessary to communicate every desire with our partners unless it's something that you really want to experience with your partner , some things are better left unspoken. Other things like fantasies for example are great opportunities to bring fun role-playing into your relationship without the risks of outside individuals. I plaued with that a little in the early stages of my marriage and it was excitingand fun for both of us to pretendwe were someoneelsein publicwitheacg other. Unfortunately there were issues in my marriage that greatly reduced my comfort with my soon to be ex to continue being adventurous. Omar: such an honest and pure example of how difficult parenting can be. There's no shame in feeling what he felt in those sleep deprived moments of frustration. Studies show the affects of sleep deprivation are far greater than we've ever understood. It's ok to be frustrated, it's okay not to feel joy and elation about your child in difficult moments. You're allowed to be human, and your logic will always help bridge the gap when frustration takes center stage, especially if you have support and faith. This is such a refreshing episode I'm going to share it with my son so he can watch on his own time.

Around 21 mins, Jalon makes an interesting point related to having your partner know you. That is based on an assumption that everybody wants to be known. Omar later goes on in this line about building vulnerability. Although, we all deep down want to be known and seen by the other, this can also be very scary. In this episode (and others) we can clearly see that people are in different places when it comes to that. I would love for them to unpack fears for being seen/known from a male perspective. Side note, I also wonder to what extent 'seeing and knowing each other' is a concept that is actively pursued in persons with a Western programming, in relation to persons with other 'programs'.

I really liked this episode. Hearing the male perspective on actively whitholding information was key for me!

JaLon: great question Omar: great vulnerability Duke: great answer

From my personal experiences its better to tell me than to hear it from someone else. I will develop more trust to hear it from the source. Hearing it from others cause suspecion and harm to the relationship 😢

I think this was a great conversation. I have asked the guy I’m dating if he’s ever had a one night stand and also shared my experience or thoughts regarding it. I think we have a respectful transparent conversation style. Some things I don’t mind hearing and some things I don’t care to hear and vice versa. We’ve established those things. Like Duke said, a line of transparency. Side note: we see the ring, Duke 🤭👏🏽❤️

Duke pov might sound rigid, but I agree because I don’t even play like that. 😂 Words cannot be taken back. Vulnerability is one thing … but the line is fine between transparency and disrespect.

A lot of great points were made and I agree with both sides and see value in the balance of the two. A necessary, interesting conversation for sure!

Duke had a sharp and elevated perspective and genuine response to all these hypotheticals. The guy asking the questions is living in a fantasy world. We should strive to live our lives by the parameters of scriptural context and not parameters of the "flesh desires". "Thoughts" are real and thoughts manifest into our reality we experience today. These kind of thoughts are not empowering to a relationship or build transparency but do the complete opposite...

This episode was such a growing moment for me. Sharing with my man right now!

Omar, I love how you shared this very real emotion and reaction that all parents go through. In so glad you know it’s OK

Beautiful convo fellas. Great point by everyone. I resonate more with Duke on this one tho. Very much needed conversation tho.

Duke made several excellent points this episode. I completely agree with there needing to be some level of unknown which directly correlates and causes you to rely on trust. Knowing when to hold em and when to fold em is key in successful relationships. Also, excellent point from O about friendship.

Refreshing to hear all the perspectives in this episode as per usual!

The different POVs I love hearing them discuss topics

This was such a great episode! I really enjoyed listening to everyone's perspective. My intellectual intake from this conversation: Transparency can breed openness depending on a person's motives and intent. Meaning if you enter into a relationship with someone who is open minded and doing the work to create a safe space to be vulnerable then this can create a sense of longevity and sustainability within a relationship. I can innerstand the apprehensiveness between either partner sharing or exchanging information between one another because they don't want to hurt each other emotionally. I feel like even asking your partner if they are willing to share their desires of the past or when/if they arise in the future is a start. I think having this conversation first can create emotional security. I also believe there is a delicacy between your everyday thoughts and actions that are just simply your own and should remain that way. If a situation or thought becomes pervasive then I think that it is worth bringing to your partner's attention. So many factors to consider within yourself as well as within your partner when wanting to unlock levels of transparency. Thank you fellas for this episode. 🙏🏾 Continued blessings to you and your beautiful families!

I definitely feel like Duke and Jalon just have different perspective. I think Jalon was talk about Duke was displaying! While I think Discernment is important so is transparent trust and vulnerability. when one partners decides that the other person can’t handle the information that is being shared, you take away the opportunity to be vulnerable and build trust.. Simply saying that my partner didn’t receive that information. Well last time does not mean that information should not be shared. It circles back to what Jaylin was saying, communication is important and is a practice skill. If you do not practice being vulnerable and having conversations that might make your partner uncomfortable then you will never be an expert at communication and expressing vulnerability.

This is such a great convo 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

I agree with everything Jalon said and I truly respect his dedication to the deepest and highest plains of emotional intimacy and spiritual connection with one's partner. That is a transcendental experience that few are brave enough to shed their egos and dive into. But I believe in that dive is pure healing magic.

I'm so happy to hear that you guys are putting on this event for men. Yes to building the man community❤❤

I agree with everything Duke is saying!

Right on with this one Jalon🥃

Love this!! So much wisdom shared ❤

🔥🔥🔥 Episode fellas.

Incredible episode! J was phenomenal but I also understand the other fellas stance.

I really appreciate Duke’s pov - there’s a balance in consideration of his wife and self respect of his own values when dealing with sexual desires - I’m watching a second time to hear Jalon out again - I think the restraint and self (even mind) control is important in a husband and wife ❤

Omar is a real rasta mon, bless up yourself king 💪👑

Great episode!!!! Super informative very thought provoking. I personally would give my partner real transparency in every topic as long as they allow me the space and grace. The reason I will lead with full transparency is because I will also allow that space for my partner to be transparent. Some things are tough to hear but knowledge is power. If you choice to let it be. Or the information can cause tension it’s all about your level of growth and perspective. Long term relationships require an open mind and judgement free zones. Still having healthy boundaries no disrespect. But I rather come to my partner than a friend or brother about my transparency because if we doing life together I need to know if you can accept me. And vice versa. Or are you only accepting a version of me that’s comfortable for you. I agree with Omar on we should be friends in the realionship and pour into that ! Because we listen to our friends vent all the time sometimes the information may benefit us but sometimes it don’t you are just being a friend and listening , without judgement just understanding.. we should do the same for our partner. I may not like or agree with what you’re saying but I’m so thankful you are allowing me in to share that.

First time I see an episode where yall all don’t agree on a point

I really hope Omar is in therapy… I have felt the same way and discovered in therapy I was showing early signs of depression. Depression is weird for men. We are feeling things but it doesn’t make sense so we are trying to intellectually solve the emotions but keep finding ourselves failing at it. Depression will just show up full force if you are not intentional with prevention and taking proper action.

I’m only 22min in the vid. I just wanna say. Duke is cooking rn

Jalon, keep talking 👏🏽

O that haircut cold my guy 🥶

Cont... Duke: I'm a little concerned about what he shared. Yes there may be things you never should share with your partner, depending upon their background and level of healing as well as your own, however... even those private thoughts, beliefs, experiences contribute to our current behaviors, mindsets, psyche. We need to process those secret issues with a fully credentialed professional and or spiritual advisor otherwise those issues will subconsciously leak

If you have kinky desires and weirdness just stay single, once you are married certain things should not even be a thought period. I agree with the guy in the hat like you figure yourself out before you get married.

Jalon I understand the intention behind what you’re saying in terms of transparency however the need to know every single little thing about your partner can be rooted in control and be abused. I’ve seen guys get upset because their partner didn’t tell them that they saw their mom that day. Then it becomes why didn’t you tell me this thing or that thing because that’s the standard that was set in the relationship. That’s control, not transparency. It’s impossible to share every little detail even in the healthiest of relationships. I agree with Duke, I trust my partner to tell me what’s up and I also trust God. The rest will handle itself.

that analogy Duke use about bro being sick and asking/telling you not to tell anyone. Question, on the base of Transparency, is it fair to that person or anyone in general to hold a secret/s for you?

Husband ended up getting a coworkers number who was 19 at the time he was 30 and I was 7 months pregnant. He didn't tell me because he didn't want to hurt my feelings since it was a coworker. Come to find out he switched her number to a initial and used what's app . 2 years later we are separated but he still claims it was all just a friendly messages but my gut tells Mr otherwise

❤️🔥

Where’s the link to the retweet?

Where did Jalon read about these studies? He went crazy this episode. I want to read and look at these things too .

Duke is hilarious 😂😂😂

I'm loving Duke! The Nigerian is coming out. A Naija boy to his core! JAYLON: Do you believe your bestfriend? DUKE: I believe my partner is my partner. Just like I don't believe my partner is my cousin. 😂 Nigerians we don't play in make believe. My partner is not my bf as must as society tries to have us believe they are.

This is the hole you run through 😂😂😂

What if telling her too much can cause harm to the relationship

Is the bsimone episode dropping on RU-vid ?

32 minutes in and Jalon is confusing me! Some information isn’t relevant, doesn’t mean it’s a lack of transparency.

I absolutely love these men. Been listening to them for years. I love seeing how their lives have transformed over the years. I love their commitment to their partners, family and friendship as well. The respect they have for each other’s perspectives. Each of them Jalon, Duke and Omar give different views on this matter, and it’s great dialogue. It’s so refreshing. Such a great outlet for dialogue. Each of these men embody character traits I’d want in my future husband. Thank you to each of you for being the epitome of a Great Leader! I’ve grown in my womanhood with this podcast, it has help me SEE men! And appreciate so much more. They do exist (in my m&m commercial voice) I’m definitely sending my daughter’s dad to the men’s conference lord he needs it. (It’s a Gift) 🤍💙🩵💙🫶🏾

So glad Omar was straight up! Men need more spaces like this ! 🫶🏾

Lots of different perspectives in this conversation however great conversations to bring to the table. Thanks guys for your work! 👏🤍

@mrskevonstage @kevonstage @iamtabithsbrown had a similar conversation.