Deep in History and STILL Protestant? Why I haven't become Catholic or Orthodox 

My husband and I (protestant) are both researching catholicism and orthodoxy as well and the term "ecclesiastically homeless" struck a chord. We just don't feel like we are necessarily protestant anymore either....I wish we could become convinced in one way or another. Prayers that you find peace in your search! - Christie

Coming from a Catholic: I think it's a good thing that you're taking your time. Too many people rush into conversion before they are really ready, and that causes a whole host of problems. I hope you find your permanent spiritual home some day, till then thank you for your great content.

I am attending an Orthodox service for the first time tomorrow. Please pray for me.

It took me 6 years before deciding to enter the Catholic Church, and God taught me so much along the way - I'm so grateful for that journey and my time as a Protestant Christian. One thing in my own discernment I needed to realize was that even as a Christian it is easy to remain a skeptic. At some point I had to make an informed decision with faith (ie. If Christ really did establish the Church, then I believe the Church's teaching on the Assumption of Mary etc. without it needing to be proven beyond a shadow of a doubt). An understanding of apologetics, being able to know and defend our faith, is good (faith seeking understanding) but it can also lead a person down a road of taking a skeptical approach to everything, in which we will never truly trust God, but rather our intellect. To agree with a claim is not the same thing as faith... If all I have is agreement, then the next time I have a question, I won't believe until someone convinces me, until the next time I have a question, and so on. Faith is not just intellectual agreement, but trust that doesn't just live in our heads but affects the way we live. This is true not only in becoming a Christian but in Protestant, Orthodox, and Catholic discernment I believe. We need to ask questions, but skepticism begins by demanding something be proven before being willing to accept it, and from my experience that gives the enemy a foothold to steal our joy. I think Eastern Orthodox theology is far superior to the western mindset in this area and we can learn a lot from them. I share this as something I went through and learned in my discerning becoming Catholic or remaining Protestant, and it might not be the same story for you. I will be praying for you Austin, may Jesus lead and guide you to the Eucharist and always closer to His Sacred Heart.

I, as an Orthodox, am very pleased with your content. You're not a source of good entirely for Protestantism, Catholicism, or Orthodoxy, but for Christianity as a whole and I deeply respect that. Also, your voice is incredibly soothing! I could sleep like a baby listening to it.

One thing I've learned as an Orthodox, it's not always best to know how everything works. I don't understand how cars work, or how my phone works, I just know that it does work.

It is incredibly refreshing to see this level of honesty. Much respect. (I converted to Orthodoxy a few years ago after being Reformed for about 25 years)

You took the words out of my mouth on this video! Not convinced because tradition or aesthetic isn’t enough 😂

Coming from a former low church Evangelical, now Catholic: I appreciate your honest look into these matters. Things will make sense along the way.

It takes as long as it takes. I was an inquirer into Orthodoxy for 10 years. I don't think it *had* to take that long in my own circumstances. In my case, I thought I could read and reason my way all the way into the Church. I would solve every mystery, answer ever question, settle every lingering doubt and *then* I'd become Orthodox. After 10 years of reading and study I finally realized this was a pipe dream. Heck, I've now been Orthodox for 10 years and still haven't accomplished the above. The point I did reach was, knowing that remaining in the Protestant/Evangelical world wasn't a tenable solution and "Where else can I go...?". There was an unavoidable 'leap if faith' element to the final decision. I can say, just over 10 years in now, I've never regretted that decision. You can't toss reason to the wind, but it will only get you so far. The faith is not ultimately a matter of the brain/intellect but a transformation of the heart (in the ancient sense). May God bless your search and grant you what you need to follow His will.

Even when I became Catholic, I wasn’t completely intellectually convinced, I just knew it was the only way and I decided to humble my intellect a little and trust the Fathers and the saints that have gone before me. It was when I dove in and submitted myself to the Church, and began living the life of the Church, inwardly and outwardly, that the Faith became more and more alive, and the missing puzzle pieces started coming together, and they still are. I realized people can debate endlessly and there can always be objections to anything. There comes a point when one just has to DO what he knows is right and true, regardless if he’s fully grasped its understanding. Beware of paralysis by analysis.. Hope that helps.

Thanks for sharing that, Austin! I am a Protestant and I can relate to many things you say in this video. I also have contemplated converting away from Protestantism for some time, but even after years of studying the arguments, watching dialogues and debates, attending non-protestant church services, and talking to non-protestant believers, I still find myself to be unconvinced. Throughout this journey, your videos have been a great resource for me, so I want to thank you for the great contribution you are making! Keep up the good work! I'll pray that you'll receive wisdom and piece of mind in your decision. May God bless you!

Even if you never convert, you've come a long way in terms of understanding what both traditions teach. Had it not been for an invitation to a Catholic men's breakfast, you might never have had any intention of learning about the Catholic faith. Most protestants' "knowledge" of the Catholic Church is at best based on second hand claims from other non-Catholics. You've taken an honest, unbiased approach, which has given you a genuine appreciation of our doctrines, devotions, etc., even if you don't fully agree with them. Kudos!

As far as I'm concerned, you don't owe any of us an explanation. But I will still tune in as you always have interesting things to say.

I'm Orthodox, and Nicaea II was probably fhe biggest hangup for me in entering the Church. What eased my mind was that the faithful are required only to affirm the theology of the ecumenical councils. I didn't need to accept every argument presented for a doctrinal conclusion, or that the bishops (and emperors) were well motivated or well behaved, or that the canons were somehow all divinely inspired. Orthodoxy's relative dogmatic minimalism and flexibility on many issues combined with its theological richness and mystical depth really appealed to me, over and against Catholicism's overdogmatization and "check the encyclopedic catechism" approach. I'm sure that is comforting to some people who want official pat answers to all their questions, but I prefer Orthodoxy's open-endedness on all but the essentials. (You just better have good reasons to depart from the thinking of the church fathers and mothers on secondary doctrine and prepare to face pushback if you promote a non-mainstream view.) To me, the Orthodox Church was the "best" place to be. It was either that or remain a generic "Protestant Not-Otherwise-Specified," and I knew there was no escaping a tradition of some kind. I could have defaulted to my Evangelical background and been an outlier in my own hybrid, custom school of one, but I longed for a Christian community with an ancient pedigree. As I saw it, Orthodoxy was the most balanced between head and heart, the most theologically sound, the most philosophically serious, the most consistent with and faithful to the apostolic teaching, the most spiritually mature, and the most beneficial for discipline and growth in the Christian life. I wish you the best on your ecclesial journey and pursuit of Truth. 🙂

Former Protestant pastor for over a decade with a master’s in theology here… I converted because Sola Scriptura (and foundational Protestant claims) isn’t tenable. I totally get what you’re saying about the bodily assumption, but the foundation Catholic/Orthodox is built upon is sound, so the beliefs that are harder to grasp can be accepted because the foundation is good. Either way, we are brothers having an in family discussion! I think it is easier to accept Marian dogmas (even if they are later), than to accept that the true church was reformed/restored in the 16th century. Protestant claims are attested far later than Marian ones and yet we have no issue accepting them. Much love and respect to you my beloved brother in Christ. Thank you for everything Austin.

Your channel helped my conversion to Catholicism last Easter ❤

As a Catholic convert, I appreciate your honesty and struggles. You have to make the decision that your conscience leads you to, and I respect that.

Austin, thanks for your honesty; protestant here, and I feel that I'm in the exact same boat as you. This journey has become 1000X more complex than I would have ever imagined, but it is what it is lol.

I get where you're coming from. As a fellow ecclesiastical hobo myself, I've noticed that older faiths like Catholicism or Orthodoxy can make the Gospel seem more complicated than it needs to be. Even if we don't dive into the history stuff, all the strict "dogmatic" beliefs can make it tough for someone who just wants a straightforward view of the Gospel. Many blessings.

Really appreciate this sharing! As a Chinese Christian I’ve become increasingly aware of the need for intellectual satisfaction for a Western mind. As much as I am going through pretty much the same thing, not fitting in with Protestants anymore, strongly leaning towards Orthodoxy, but still there’s something holding me back from fully converting. The reason is not so much a lack of intellectual persuasion. That’s hardly ever been an issue for my Asian mind. I love the depth of the East, yet I insist that the zeal of the West to grow in breadth should be emphasized as much. I really look forward to seeing that one final version of Christianity emerging, where Christians would have the depth of Orthodoxy while sharing the zeal of the Catholics and Protestants to get out there and preach the gospel at all cost.

What got me over the top to ultimately leave Protestant ministry in 2011 was that I could collectively trust the ancient, apostolic churches more. With the papacy aside for the moment which is distinctive claim of Catholicism, there really is a deep unity in the Faith that we all have with one another even if not fully united. I understand it can be quite excruciating to choose between the Apostolic churches (Catholic, Orthodox, Coptic/Oriental, Assyrian Church of the East, etc), but I think the reward of going with one of them is way worth it. I just couldn't imagine being in church without monasteries around the world or in possession of the relics of the apostles or inheriting their churches where they preached. There is this living memory in the apostolic churches that cannot always be proven from what remains of history and this requires a level of trust. The Dormition of Mary and honoring icons are the most difficult historically speaking but deep down, I do think Mary's body was translated out of here as the Ark of our Lord and that kissing the cross on Good Friday or the Face of our Lord on the shroud is something that the Apostles would commend and be cool with. We can't miss the forest for the trees. We have one life to live and cannot live in limbo forever. Obviously, I am just speaking for my journey and appreciate your transparency.

My conversion to Orthodoxy from Reformed protestantism was not intellectual and I was not convinced of a lot of Orthodox doctrines. In fact, I was uneasy and even offended by a lot of Orthodox doctrines when I started attending my parish. It was a spiritual process, based on real experience of Christ, and truthfully I am still converting even years after I was received into the Church. Don't rush your spiritual life, God is patient. Pray, be humble, and if you feel the need to discern Orthodoxy then I would recommend faithful attendance of the services for at least a year in order to begin understanding.

One big mistake I was making just generally was this idea that I could have epistemic certainty about things that I really couldn't have certainty about. It seems like you've got a grasp on that though, you seem to understand that as much as we might want it, we aren't going to have absolute or even near-certainty about our beliefs. It's not easy to come to grips with, because it means you either have a ton of work ahead of you which may still lead you down the wrong path, or you have to throw in your lot with some creed without reasonable certainty that you made the right choice. It's a difficult position to be in, even if it is an inevitable part of critically examining our beliefs. If I'm being honest, when I converted to Catholicism I felt very certain about it at a time when I had the least reason to be certain about it. I don't regret my choice, but I could never really justify it to anyone else in hindsight. One thing I have been thinking about a lot lately is, given the diversity of creeds out there, I find it hard to believe that Jesus will hold us completely accountable for every exact doctrine. Am I going to learn ancient Greek? No. Am I going to study every ancient manuscript? No. Not only do most people not have the means to do this, most people, if we're being honest, simply aren't intelligent enough to do this - I count myself in that group. I find it more helpful to focus on building charity in myself and those I love, and properly following as best I know how. What else can you do when you consider the monumental epistemic challenge we have today? Idk, I don't want to come off as a relativist, I think we can't just accept everyone and everything just because it's hard to figure out what's true, but I'm just saying that on your journey to making the choice it seems to still be possible to grow in faith and love for God and that might have to be good enough, at least for a little while.

Change is hard, praying for you ☦️ -Formerly resistant convert

As a catholic convert , I really enjoy your channel . I cannot stress this enough , but please take your time and keep doing what you do! if you stay Protestant , that is the decision that comes with the free will god gives us . God bless!

As a Protestant, I also relate to this immensely. I admire both the Catholic and Orthodox traditions, and think Evangelicals have much to learn from them. But, as I’ve studied and listened, my conviction for the purpose and reason for the Reformation remains strong. But, also like you, I feel like a misfit in my church, a bit, though it is still my home. God bless.

I don’t think I’ve ever related to a video more. Thank you for putting into better words than I can how I feel! Ex: I’ve described it to my husband I feel like I’m either Protestant but “adding” things or Catholic and “removing” things for lack of better words. Better way to describe it is I feel too Catholic to be Protestant and too Protestant to be Catholic

I've decided to go Orthodox, because I noticed that after 4 years of learning, I'm no longer Protestant...

Couldn’t empathize more Austin. My journey over the last two years has been extremely similar and as someone who has recently graduated college, considering church leadership, and planning an engagement, I’ve had several difficult conversations about this topic specifically. Feeling alienated based on either what I consider important for Church Life or whether I would convert (from a Non-Denominational/Historical Baptist), and how that would impact my closest people and my future, Lord Willing, fiancé. All I know is that I seek to follow Jesus where He leads and I love being ecumenical in my approach to other brothers and sisters and lastly, is a much more complicated topic than I was prepared for nor did I expect not too long ago.

Like many Protestants who are confronted with historical and theological truths of Orthodoxy (or Catholicism), your own cognition, logic, and understanding (all terms that I heard you mention in this video) are acting as stumbling blocks. Protestantism developed during the Age of Reason when man's understanding and philosophy replaced mysticism and spirituality within the Christian faith. That shift shaped the Protestant faith, perpetuating how modern Western Christianity views the original Church.

I'm glad you made this video and appreciate your honesty as others have stated in the comments. I've been on a similar journey alongside you, but really, I have further confirmed my Protestantism. Yet I truly adore the traditions in art and liturgy as well as the more solemn and sacred feel to an orthodox service. Gavin Ortlund of Truth Unites is another channel I've found, equally offering sincere discovery, explanation, and fairness to arguments while at the same time showing much grace.

As a non-resistant non-believer myself I really appreciate the honesty of this video. Sometimes, despite really wanting something to be true we are not convinced by the evidence to believe that it is true. I know personally how emotionally and spiritually taxing this can be, wishing you the best no matter where you end up

Great video, I have always respected your candor. I am Orthodox and was never protestant. I went from raging atheist straight to Orthodoxy. I have noticed that others in my circle had a much longer and harder road of having to unlearn their old mindset and beliefs even after being baptized into Holy Orthodoxy, and I consider myself grateful for learning the Orthodox way from the ground up. If you don't believe in Orthodoxy, don't convert, I think this is a good mindset. That being said; we only have a limited amount of time on Earth and it is impossible to have a complete understanding of all doctrinal and historical matters relevant to making a decision. I myself am still after going on 4 years in the Church, learning constantly. I am Orthodox, not because I accept a list of beliefs that my Church accepts, but because I believe in the Church itself. I believe our Lord's promises that the Church will prevail forever, and that the Church is no less than his mystical body on Earth. I answer Saint Paul's rhetorical question "Is Christ divided" with a resounding "NO" meaning that if people are divided by practice, and doctrine, then they cannot be part of the body of Christ. I have learned that if my personal beliefs contradict the Orthodox belief, then it is I who need to change and not Christ. I'm sure my Roman Catholic friends would feel similarly but I hope that helps you understand where we are coming from a bit more. It's not necessarily a list of theological ideas that makes me Orthodox, but the ecclesiastical belief in the One Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church and it's divine authority. God bless.

It took me 20+ years of poking the bear until I finally entered into the Orthodox Faith. We are all on our own path - and I pray God blesses your journey!

Dude, thank you. I feel the same way. I love so many things from the old churches, but I simply haven’t found enough evidence to convince me to convert (despite my best efforts).

Definitely appreciate this a lot. I feel like I am in a very similar place of having a much deeper appreciation for church history, orthodoxy/catholicism, sacrementalism, etc; but at the same time not fully being convinced and ending up in this weird middle-ground ecclesially that doesn't really fit in with anything. I also appreciate you saying that you have stayed with your current low-church evangelical church while you are on this journey, that is the same situation I am in with my wife and daughter. It definitely helps me feel not quite as alone in the wandering, so thank you for this 🙏🏻

I was raised Catholic and this is basically how I feel about the Church as well, but I’m already in it 🤷‍♀️. Fantastic video!

Austin: Fairly conservative Catholic in Chicago here, who attends St. John Cantius, a church with which you have some familiarity. You're fine just as you are. Kepp following Christ and you won't be led in the wrong direction. You're our brother in Christ, regardless of where you worship on a Sunday morning. I have the utmost respect for the way you have sincerely approached all of these things you cover in your videos. May God continue to bless you.

I have never seen anyone articulate my thoughts on this matter more! Thank you for your content, it’s been comforting watching your journey alongside of my own.

Thank you for your honesty and expressing what many protestants that have studied church history feels ❤

i had a period where i was reading more than i ever had before and while i learned a lot i just grew numb from it, i stepped back for a while and just meditated on the most simple aspects of the faith for a while and when i returned to my studies they were much more profitable, not trying to say anything about your situation this is just what i experienced

I'm in the same boat here, thanks for being so honest and explaining yourself so well. Makes it easier to know we're not alone!

It's okay to take your time. Authenticity is an important part of a spiritual journey. I like your content and I'm happy you're making it.

Born and raised Catholic, I intellectually knew the Catholic Church’s teachings. I never truly understood the faith until I encountered the true Jesus in Eucharistic Adoration.

I converted to Roman Catholicism suddenly and unexpectedly - one morning, I literally woke up Catholic. One should search for the truth honestly while making an effort to get rid of their own biases and negative emotions (I was strongly anti Roman Catholic), then the Holy Spirit will do the rest.

I really appreciate this and am right there. I have been chasing Orthodoxy for two years. At times my desire to be Orthodox is intense. My preferneces and theology don't "fit" well in my non-denominational protestantism. I have become more sacramental. I think sola scriptura has some big issues. However, I find myself in a similar position. I am not fully convinced. I love what God is doing in my protestant church. My gifts, calling, and family also fit well there.

This is a good summation of a lot of thoughts that I have had on this issue. Thanks.

Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us, Austin! I am totally with you on this. I started my own exploration of Catholicism and Orthodoxy over a decade ago with a genuine openness to convert. Your channel has been very helpful! The way it was put to me by Catholic apologists was if I wanted to learn why there is no historical precedent for Protestant distinctives all I had to do was read the Church Fathers. So, I took this at face value and dove in. My conclusion? The more I read of the Church Fathers the more I realized that the Reformation was, while imperfect, inevitable. Modern Catholicism and Orthodoxy simply paints themselves and their faithful into corners with more non-negotiables than I am able to intellectually ascribe to given what I know of history. You gave some great examples I agree with. I love iconography, too, by the way! Lastly, I sympathize with the often awkward loneliness that comes with being ecclesiastically homeless. Many folks interested in patristics do not agree with me and many folks I agree with are not interested in patristics. What to do? The reason I am now a settled Protestant is that its tradition is, for better and worse, more flexible. In my view, it is very difficult for Catholic and Orthodox faithful to follow the truth wherever it leads. For me, that is a non-negotiable.

You and Ortlund are such great inspirations to me as a Protestant here in Brazil, please continue this wonderful work

Loved this video, Austin! Thanks for sharing in such an honest and open way! I especially loved your comments at the end - I have friends that think I should stop trying so hard to seek truth and instead just seek Jesus but for me the two are inextricably connected because He is truth.

I appreciate your authenticity and gracious engagement as you seek to understand those who see the faith differently. I wish I knew you while you were a student at Moody! God bless your ministry, brother.

I’m very excited for this episode

As much as I value my own Catholicism, as good as I believe it would be for all to profess the Catholic faith in union with the bishop of Rome, I worry that your ministry of unity-which I believe to be a great force for good in the Church-might suffer were you to plant your flag either side. Coming from an evangelical background as your "default," you have an immense opportunity to assume a place of neutrality that few of us can claim. It's been wonderful to see what you've done with that opportunity, despite all of us leering at you. I grieve for your homelessness-that's agonizing. I pray you find a home that serves for you and Eliza as greater disciples!

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. It has helped me greatly. I love you. God bless you ❤️🕊️🙏🏻

My conversion into Orthodoxy was not so much a head thing ( although I did extensive reading) as it was a pull at my heart and also my desire for beauty. No church will be perfect. Can I live with some unresolved issues? Yes…. And I am at peace spiritually, at last.

With the help of your videos I have embraced holy orthodoxy and joined a parish! And have taken my faith seriously. So thank you for all that you do, seriously huge fan! P.S. still rooting for you to come to holy orthodoxy ☦️☦️

Looking forward to this. I often ask this question myself. Thanks for your book recommendations btw. I’m making my way through life in the trinity an introduction to theology with the help of the early church fathers. Amazing

Brother, I’ll put you in my prayers tonight 🙏

Austin, your honesty and humility humbles me. I pray that, in God's time, you will find your ecclesiastical home. The Lord is using your faith journey Faith journey to lead many closer to him.

You are fine. Don't let anyone pressure you into anything. Just be a Christian as they were at Antioch. To Christ be the glory!

I really appreciate your honesty. Similarly, the historical claims of Orthodoxy & Catholicism are difficult for me to accept, even as I appreciate the devotional literature and historical theology. I have come to see this situation as analogous to the journey of faith. I appreciate my own tradition even as my pride in it has fled with my loss of certainty in every one of its particular claims. It seems I may have grown in faith even as I have lost certainty.

Thanks for making this video! You put great words to complicated feelings. I'm especially glad to hear your caution of being ecclesiastically homeless for so long that church participation becomes neglected or abandoned. Seeing the value of your local church as a good that God's given to you for where your family is at this moment is, I think, a great appreciation for a good local church even if you don't feel entirely at home. Although I haven't walked in your shoes its like you're walking in the woods that many people, including myself, are walking.

It is almost like you are reading my mind. I needed this, now I at least know I am not the only one haha Thank you for the honesty!

For me it was all about the Eucharist. Coming from a low church it’s just a symbol tradition and reading the church fathers it’s seems impossible to stay Protestant, maybe Lutheran?? But then I went to Divine Liturgy and saw how they treat the Eucharist and the reverence to me that was it.

You have summed up my situation entirely. I can't go back to being completely Protestant, but cannot completely convert to Orthodoxy, either, no matter how much I have come to deeply appreciate it. Orthodoxy is like no other type of Christianity I've ever encountered. It speaks to the deepest, non-verbal, "spiritual heart" of a person and can bring deep healing and growth there. Protestantism, in some cases, has lost the concept of spirituality...Protestantism is "knowing about" rather than "knowing." Following from this, though, some of Orthodoxy's major feasts involve incidents in Mary's life that, while they are powerful on a symbolic/metaphorical/spiritual level, they may not be factually true. It is the same with some of the stories of the Saints. While some are clearly historical figures and are people of deep piety, others are probably amalgamations, and some of the Saints leave a literal-minded person scratching his or her head. I think the Church always struggles to meld the solidly logical/historical/physically factual WITH the spiritual/metaphorical; the Apostles and the early Church Fathers/apologists seem to have tried. In any case, being in the liminal space between two camps isn't easy.

Thank you, Austin. What a beautiful contentment in Christ. Your ongoing content of this honest nature has really helped me as a recovering Christian, as my atheism and life imploded a few years ago. I really mean it. I’ll pray for you, please pray for me. 🙏 PS - I grew up fundamentalist non-denom Evangelical before all that, now a gratefully content, long-time Antiochian Orthodox catacumen with intention to be baptized.

I, deeply appreciate you, making this video. Something about your presentation here makes me think of John 6, particularly when Peter says "wherelse can we go Lord, you alone have the words of eternal life"

I felt a large cognitive barrier initially especially to Catholocism although i was surrounded by it in college and it had "convinced" my now hudband. Ultimately we both settled on Orthodoxy where I still struggled with some beliefs initially but I grew into it and learned to trust with less guilt about some of my cognitive hesitancies in the eastern framework. When we knew it was the right decision, we knew, but it certainly wasn't a completely painless decision, neither was it a fully intellectual decision. Discernment can be a long prayerful process. Thanks for sharing. God Bless.

At some point it boils down to us all having a choice. We either go our own way or follow the path Christ laid out for us. May God guide you. Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on us all! ☦️

There is something so depressingly liberal and modern about this idea of 'picking and choosing' a Church or doctrines. Cafeteria style Christianity.

I have always respected you, your openness and your journey. I still do. Thanks for sharing your journey with us. I continue to pray for you and ask your prayers for my own spiritual journey. God bless you brother, Bill in Tampa

Catholic here. I find your position to be totally fair. At one time I left the Church for similar reasons, "As much as I may like to, I simply don't believe in God" was how I put it at the time (though your longer explanation puts it better, something along the lines of that there are truth claims which to be Catholic would be saying I believe, which I could not do). I think something which changed in me was that I realised that there was a potential disconnect between what I believed to be true, and things I could have faith were true based on my other beliefs. An example may be that from my perspective: My intellect points me to the truth of God Then it points me to the truth of the Apostles attestation about Jesus Then to the Christian faith Then in particular the Catholic faith After that I can look at particulars like the assumption of Mary and say "The evidence here is inconclusive. It maybe even more against it than for, but as a dogmatic teaching I will submit to the wisdom of the Church on this topic". This isn't to say that you necessarily believe it to be true, but that you submit that despite your intellectual belief in its likely falsehood, you can acknowledge that the Church has made a definitive claim, which you adopt. An example of this in Church history might be St Jerome submitting to the biblical canon of the Church, whilst himself believing some of them not to be of the same position. Obviously this is assuming that one has already concluded that the Catholic Church is the one true Church from other means, and if one were to find an abundance of evidence against the fundamental beliefs one aught recognise and address these (leave the Church if you find that it is not what it claims to be). Indeed where I say one is submitting above, that is in itself an intellectual endeavour, where one aught be trying to understand the Churches position and why and shouldn't be a mere dismissal. I think it is fair that you have not found the claims of the Church regarding the Papacy to be true, and if false I think that undermines the Catholic position enough to not accept it (ie it is a teaching which is a foundation for the faith rather that a teaching that follows from the faith). Good luck with your journey wherever it leads you.

“Seek not to understand that you may believe, but believe that you may understand.” ~ St. Augustine

I used to be tempted with Protestantism, until one day in an Orthodox Church I saw inside the holy Communion, and saw flesh and blood. Bruh.. I went full Orthodox after that event, It's one thing to have faith, but orthodoxy is living every moment in worship, everything is symbolic worship!❤️ I love you all my brothers in Christ!

Hey brother. I hope you see this. I've followed you along this journey since before I converted, and am now Orthodox myself. Having dealt with every issue you mentioned (and many more) over the course of 4 years, allow me to share the perspective of one on the inside looking out. Any number of individual areas of theology could be listed that you take issue with which keep you unconvinced, indefinitely. Respectfully, I'd say you have the order of the investigative process backwards, if we bare in mind that faith precedes being open to evidence (e.g. the Pharisees were direct eyewitnesses to every manner of evidence, but were not convinced. Needless to say, it wasn't the evidence itself that was insufficient, it was that their standard of the "burden of proof" was continually adjusted to disqualify the evidence for failing to satisfy their personal criteria.) Please don't think I'm calling you a Pharisee or accusing you of intentionally discrediting the evidence--I believe you are sincere--I'm just saying it's an important parallel to consider. Because in the same way that we aren't in a position to put the Son of God on trial by insisting He prove Himself to us, we're no more entitled to say His Church (which is His Body, which cannot be separated from the Master himself) is subject to our private judgment. Faith, as such, can't be reduced to a subjective intellectual exercise. The intellect is involved, of course, but with less priority than the Church's Holy Traditions which are a direct manifestation of the will of God, since we affirm that the Church is guided by the Holy Spirit. You must "be transformed by the renewing of your mind" as it were. Let me get to the point. The manner of convincing you need is not of the evidenciary variety, but on a much more fundamental basis at the paradigm level.There is just *one* thing you need to see that you can't unsee, after which you'll recognize that even if you don't fully understand or agree with XYZ theological claim, the witness of the historic, apostolic Church will still remain the only logical conclusion possible. In deference to your channels theme, I'll try to present the case with simplicity: Step I: Understand that Protestantism is systemically flawed at such a foundational level that it is untenable as a paradigm. It's prudent that you mentioned your tensions are with the Church's pronouncement of dogmas, because this entire issue--the thing you need to see that you can't unsee--all comes down to authority, and who has it. Who actually *has* the authority to proclaim, "this here is sound doctrine, that over there is false doctrine", and (this part is crucial) to then also have the authority to *bind the consciences of all the faithful* to that particular doctrinal position, to such the extent that to deviate from it necessarily renders you a heretic or apostate outside of the boundaries of established Christian doctrine? Is it just anyone with a Bible, or is it specific individuals whom God has appointed to serve in those roles of apostolic authority that determined precisely how to understand the Trinity, Christology, Baptism, the Eucharist and what the structure of the Church even is that dictate which perspective is considered Christian? It's the same question concerning the canon of Scripture; do you or I have the authority to unilaterally decide to issue our own biblical canon because we aren't convinced the Church that wrote and compiled it has satisfied the burden of proof that the list of canoncial books is correct? I think you'd agree, we don't have that right. We don't have that authority. But then, that means that someone did. There was a Council which resulted in an infallible collection of books, which means necessarily that the decision itself was infallible. The bishops in those Councils weren't Protestant, but rather belonged to One, Universal Church with a conciliar, apostolic structure that made the Bible possible. And yet, in Protestantism, no standard of normative authority exists--in fact, it doesn't even *posit* such a mechanism. So, no one is ever morally bound to accept *any* particular aspect of the faith as dogmatic, any Council or particular canon of Scripture, since every individual's private judgment serves as the final authority on how to interpret Scripture and which Ecumenical Councils to accept or reject, which ultimately reduces Christianity to theological relativism because the process itself is entirely subjective and thus arbitrary. Hence, the endless fragmenting into mutually exclusive denominations, each claiming to follow the Holy Spirit after a doing a plain reading of Scripture. So again, who has the authority? Everyone (and thus, no one)? Or select individuals who've submitted themselves to the canonical process of Apostolic Succession established by the earliest Christians and accepted by every subsequent generation up until the Reformers? Even *heretics* considered the Church's hierarchical structure as a given. As an add on to this, another important question to ask is, who *gives* authority? In a system where all authority is self-appointed like in Protestantism rather than handed down from above, there is only one coherent answer to this question that is consistent with the account both Scripture and Church history give us, and only after answering this should you proceed to other areas of inquiry. Otherwise, you'll be perpetually putting the cart before the horse. Step II: If/when you've grasped the significance of the impasse Protestantism creates for itself at the paradigm level with its false Ecclesiology, you can then go on to do what I did and address all the various things you have questions or doubts about. Because, just like reading Scripture, I learned that if there's something that doesn't make sense to me or doesn't satisfy my question, that the problem never exists in the material itself but in my flawed understanding of it. So I just had to spend more time on it doing research, asking other people, reading other books, examining my presuppositions, and praying for clarity and discernment until eventually one day "eureka!" Things suddenly clicked, and I realized what was missing from my perspective the whole time. The key was maintaining humility throughout, admitting it felt somewhat arrogant to even consider that I knew better than 1500 years of Church Fathers who were pious and holy men and women of supreme virtue and intellectual prowess whose lives were rife with examples of the fruits of the Spirit, who actually lived in the cultures and spoke the languages and communed with the Apostles themselves. Surely their witness supercedes my personal opinions and preferences. Whether or not we ultimately believe them is literally just a matter of choice. What I'm recommending is basically like if an alcoholic wants to not drink that liquor in front of them, they have to go pour it down the drain. Or the person standed at sea who's unsure if they can make the swim to the far away island, until they see the raft is on fire and have no other choice. I'm saying you have to remove Protestantism as even being an option of something to retreat back to, because any time you encounter something that leaves an uncomfortable question mark, there will always be the temptation to flee back to the safety of familiar territory. For me, I couldn't unsee the fundamental problem with Protestantism at the paradigm level, and so once I realized it was false as a system, there was no way but forward, regardless how long I had to marinate on the evidence for any particular claim made by Orthodoxy. It took time. But ultimately, one must realize, it just doesn't make any sense to trust the Bible while not trusting the Church that gave it to us. It's a matter of faith first, *then* evidence weighed in light of that faith. So if the Holy Spirit used the Church to produce the Scripture, why would He abandon that same Church right afterwards when He specifically promised not to? I hope that was helpful brother, and forgive me if I've said anything that offends. May the Lord continue to guide you in your pursuit of the Truth. God bless you and keep up the good work.

I'm right there with you. Most of my life I have been Protestant but I didn't establish a Church home when I relocated. Once I tried to find a new Church home I found most of Protestant Churches had changed from what I grew up in. That along with moral drift in so many Churches, embracing sin because it is the current culture. Surprisingly the service most like my non denominational community Church that I grew up in was an Orthodox Church that has been rather Americanized. They stick with traditional moral teachings an I enjoy the Liturgy. Almost two years of attending leaves me with the same issue of Mariology. The traditions seem to be based in The Protoevangelium of James which simply isn't a legitimate document. Besides it's about Jesus and no one else. The Priest understands that I don't accept all the tradition but I accept the Nicean Creed. Many Orthodox Churches teach that the Creed is the only Dogmatic part of Orthodoxy. The only Dogmatic parts of Mariology are virgin birth and Theotokos because they speak to the divine nature of Christ. This is an approach I can live with and my particular Priest, and local Orthodox Church support it. It makes a good Church home even if it doesn't agree with everyones version of Orthodoxy.

I can relate to how you're feeling. 🙂 As a cradle Roman Catholic, the RCC did a great job of catechizing me on Catholic doctrine. But not so much on the Bible. And really almost nothing about interacting with the indwelling Holy Spirit. One day I asked God to fill me with His Spirit (not expecting any bells or whistles, obviously!) and was shocked to actually feel and "hear" Him begin communicating to me in 'thought pictures' so rapidly I could barely keep up. I've never been the same since. After 8 years of resisting the Lord's guidance, I finally left the RCC and attended evangelical protestant churches for 30+ years. I learned so much more about God and my faith in evangelical circles. I truly feel that protestant churches in general do a better job than any other churches of bringing people to true faith in Jesus Christ. But then God led me to return to a liturgical church with traditional hymns, reverent worship, and communion every Sunday. It's an ACNA Anglican parish. I'm not saying it's perfect (no denomination is perfect, and even if there were a perfect one it would become imperfect once I joined it!) but I do feel at home and planted in it. It's catholic with a small 'c', minus almost all of the RC baggage: no legalisms, no "you must do this and you must believe that," and emphasis on trusting in Jesus Christ's propitiation/redemption rather than on church membership, sacraments, etc. 😊

Your openness and gentleness are what led me to your channel a couple of years ago. Because of you, and so many excellent channels on this platform, I have been thoroughly and wretched in my understanding of the faith I grew up in and my acceptance to pursue it as deeply as I could, it’s that motivation that led me to become Catholic this last Easter, I had to talk to my Evangelical pastor about how I was feeling, and he told me straight up that I was going to have to make a decision. It was also extremely hard for me because my now wife is a devout Catholic, and at the time I was basically trying to disprove the church so that we could have an ecumenically open household. Once I realized that I was never going to know enough in my head or feel completely open in my heart, and that I was just going to have to make the decision with full trust in God, I went ahead and got confirmed and married my wife. To this day, it is still the best thing I’ve ever done regardless of what my very Evangelical family thinks. Don’t make a decision based off of what is comfortable.

Thankyou so much for this Austin! It’s like a breath of fresh air 😊 i can so relate to what you’re saying... i experienced the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist, and wanted to convert just so that I could receive communion... but there are so many difficulties, So many obstacles! began to wonder if it’s not Gods will... I do also have difficulties with the Marian dogmas you mentioned, even though I experienced peace saying the rosary. I’m grateful for your honesty 🙏 I still completely trust in Jesus😄 and I know He will guide...

I too, have been studying church history and am drawn to Orthodoxy and Roman Catholicism. As a a former Lutheran, ( I’m now evangelical) Rome seems like a better fit. But with the recent uproar over same-sex blessings and the apparent watering down of church teachings, I find myself more drawn to Orthodoxy. The Orthodox Church seems to hold fast to it’s doctrines, which really appeals to me.

I really enjoyed hearing your thoughts on this topic. I am protestant as well but have been studying church history, catholicism and orthodoxy as well. The burden of proof is also a significant factor for myself and my wife. I really related to your comment regarding "ecclesiastical homelessness". Each of these branches of the Christianity has helped move and sustain the Christian faith over time. Perhaps we all get some things right, and some things wrong. Thank you so much for your channel and sharing your journey.

I left evangelicalism and ended up in a very conservative Lutheran church that does a liturgical divine service every week, with the lectionary and chanting of the Psalms and so on. They even promote private confession. For three years I had anxiety about my decision and was thinking I would eventually become Orthodox. But I have come to satisfied with no church being perfect. If I moved and couldn't find a church like mine I would seriously consider going Orthodox. But right now I am where I am, and I believe leaving, unless I was 100% convinced I couldn't stay, would be wrong. But I do love my Orthodox and Catholic brethren. And even my evangelical brethren.

Looking forward your content that helps us all grow as Christians.

Now that I've watched the video, I resonate so much with the difficulty of accepting certain dogmas as obligatory. I could fairly comfortably entertain certain Marian teachings and the veneration of icons as well, but to REQUIRE them on pain of damnation goes against every fiber of my being. I would contend, for example, that a person can be hesitant to venerate icons but still affirm the incarnation (which I believe is the whole point of the argument of icons in the first place).

I completely understand the ecclesiastical homelessness. I would not consider myself stuck in the Orthodoxy or Catholic realm but I feel more drawn to Anglican and Presbyterian church life but I've been Baptist my entire life. Maybe one day I'll be convinced of one rather than the other, but for now we just follow the Lord and let Him keep us where he wants us until that changes. Thanks for your honesty!

Your journey almost totally parallels mine. I'm right there with you, not fully fitting in anywhere, but loving associating with all parts of God's family.

Love this channel first of all!! I had friends who were willing to fight me on my Catholicism and they just won’t listen when i lay out my arguments! Love how you’re exploring monasteries and interviewing different clergy from different traditions and is intellectually honest! This is by no means trying to force you but, whenever i had a moment where “ehhh.. is this really true?” I would pray about it! Pray for understanding! And I’ll just say, God doesn’t disappoint 😉

After watching I think your approach will keep you where you are. If your intellect is the ultimate arbiters of truth, stay Protestant. Big T Tradition requires you to humble yourself and lay aside this need to meet self directed intellectual needs, a tradition requires less of you and more of Christ and the Church.

This is twice you’ve put out a video explaining your journey and where you are at on these things and it has been just about the exact same for me. You put into words exactly my thoughts and feelings of my own journey. I can’t become catholic or orthodox even though I like those traditions because I can’t betray certain intelectual and theological convictions. But taking that deep dive into history and study has changed my views on many things as well. I grew up baptist and am currently attending a Pentecostal church simply because of life’s circumstances, not because I myself am Pentecostal. But theologically I have moved to lutheran and hope in the future eventually I will be able to attend. But I don’t feel rushed or that I have to force it to work right now. I’ll keep attending my low, evangelical church.

Was Baptist/reformed but recently was baptised orthodox and it has been a blessing. Some of your videos definitely was a part of that awakening. There definitely was a difficult part of the journey too be it family friends and lots of personal fears and suspicions. Wasn't a small leap but it was a conscious and deliberate one that I believe was an answer to prayer to love Christs church and understand who Gods is as Trinity. May God guide and bless you on your journey!

I’m thanking God for letting me stumble on this video. I haven’t done nearly as much studying and learning as you I’m sure (I’m not familiar with your channel although I am subscribing), but all the things you mentioned here were 100% what I’ve been thinking and feeling. My family are very Godly non-denominational evangelicals who love God with all their hearts, have read the Bible over and over and that’s wonderful, but they don’t share the same yearning to understand other traditions so I’ve been more or less wandering down rabbit holes on my own, making small adjustments to my theology that to me, feel small, until I’m, say, back in a group chat with my reformed friends. Then suddenly I realize I’ve moved so far it’s hard to call myself Protestant officially, but I can’t affirm the dogmas of the other traditions either. My family, God love them, isn’t unsupportive as much as they just don’t share the interest and therefore lack the background knowledge necessary for me to have a profitable conversation with them. I’ve been feeling pretty lonely, so thanks for making this. Can’t wait to watch more.

I have been researching different Protestant branches and kept not being able to find one I resonated with but I kept researching orthodoxy in the side… and now I feel sure that I am converting to Orthodox… I had some experiences of transformation related to St Mary or Egypt and then next was the image of Mother Mary during my cat dying… and it just happened… and “click” I felt like I was Orthodox… Been looking for years at Baptist, Lutheran, and feeling like that was for sure my way, but just couldn’t fully find my home there. And then Orthodox just clicked. No one is more surprised than me.

I so appreciated your honesty and diligence. I grew up protestant then walked away from the faith for over a decade. When the Lord brought me back home I was thinking for a long time that I need to change my tradition. I was drawn to EO and was looking for an EO church near me but the closest one is 2 hours away and their services are in Greek only. So I was stopped in my urgency to make a change which led me to look into it more deeply before I could make a decision. This is when i first discovered your channel. As of now there are two things that keep me from converting to either the EOC or RCC, the first one is their vehement claims of being the one and only true church and the other one is that I know so deeply, with so much certainty that I am saved by the blood of Jesus Christ.

Take your time; when you are ready to make a decision, you will. Don't let folks push you. Prayers and Blessings.

Brother, I totally relate to the challenges you discussed. God bless!

Thank you so much for this. It’s kind of put into words something I’ve been feeling after the last three years of studying the Eucharist and the sacraments and church history. There’s so much I love about Catholicism and Orthodoxy, but there is also so much that just historically that doesn’t match up. I am non-denom and so often I feel out of place, but above all God is good and he leads his children into truth.

Im protestant and I love orthodox tradition so much - I think for the most part I can agree with almost everything you said in this video especially icon veneration. I don’t have icons and personally I don’t think I’ll own any soon but I can understand why they use icons. I appreciate this video brother. Also, your voice is really calm and chill 😂 you should do a bible reading series or something

My dear brother. You articulated my position exactly. I mean exactly. I will be following your journey with interest as I continue on mine also.

Bro. I've never seen you or your videos before now, but these are my thoughts exactly.