Did the narcissist love you or were they obsessed with you? | The Narcissists' Code Ep 677 

Because no empathy. The world, and everyone/everything in it is meant for them to do as they please. There's no concept of how that hurts us, because they can't experience that hurt.

@@southerncatlady this is so sick ,there is something very bad with their brain i think they need to be on therapy

Where does love factor into survival?

@@lauraantic1384 they do. And that's why I think Lee has this channel... To spread awareness to people dealing with NPD, and to help them see the importance of addressing the disorder and getting therapy.

@@southerncatlady God bless you i am dealing with very agressive person you never know how to react ,or what is their next sick move even i dont live under the same roof it is so hard to the point you want to run away to the other side of the world.

Are u still with him? I’m married to mine and what a beautiful nightmare this is. I’m still in disbelief but still so in love. Counseling helps tremendously and they must want to change and hold themselves accountable for it to work. 🙏🏽🫶🏽

🙏 stay strong

I think you are very correct, he love me so much... I send him away multiple times he kept begging me to love him. and I decided to give him chance then he started ghosted first and after that he finally discard without any reason🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

@@oluwadamilolaoriade5426 that's terrible and Im sorry this happened . You didn't deserve that! You are worthy to receive true love and you will. Recognize what ever it was within yourself that caused you to be blind to predatory mates. Its our vulnerability that the narc sharks smell and use to crush us even more. Heal any negativity about your past (especially childhood) and don't allow it to influence your confidence. Be your authentic self, and set boundaries with others who enter your life, things will fall in place.

Sooner or later it will be that way...

When words from a stranger were enough to leave you, he's an idiot anyway. Good, you got rid of both of them!

Hmmm you were going to marry a moron?

stay safe

@@nomadic_orthodox You know the ex fiancé then moved to south america and found a submissive girl who looked like my twin and married her. Recently i found out on linkedin that she was looking me up !!! So I blocked her also. This means the ex is not over what happened 20 years ago and his wife knows it. Good Riddance. I'm doing so well and it's all thanks to them for being jerks. I won in the end

@@monavis2356 Wow, these people are insane! But what a success story you are. Wish you all the best, good that you got out and aren't stuck for years or even centuries.

😓😓

Ooofffff 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽❤

Bingo👍

This isn't true of everyone, but it is true of the ones who have more self-awareness but less conscience.

@@whitewings2363 it’s my opinion: A true Narcissist whom does not receive therapy does not have self awareness nor conscience the way a normal mind would….

💯💯

That is normal - I never got this because I didn´t know (really I didn´t - I knew nothing about narcissm). So they need constant attention and admiration ... They have different rules for them than for others. But I can relate to your comment.

🥹

I’m so sorry to hear that. How tragic for both of you. I hope you’re in therapy. You might want to read Sandra L Brown, MAs book “How to Spot a Dangerous Man“ where she talks about mental illness, and specifically about clingers and men who need mommies. They become obsessed with you. I just left one who exhibited both clinging and needing a mommy figure, and I diagnosed him with Asperger‘s, OCPD and some sociopathy traits. He had such sweet side to him. I understand, through his ex girlfriend that I talked to after, that he had a lot of trauma in his childhood - late teens. When I broke up with him, he finally looked up Asperger‘s and admitted that explain his whole life. So I think maybe he was bullied, and/or physically, emotionally, psychologically, abused by family and friends. Put all that together and he was a hot mess. I just couldn’t do another relationship with someone who had personality disorders and mental illness.

Thanks for sharing. My ex-husband also never cheated. But I think these types are vulnerable narcissists. They're a bit different from covert or overt types.

@@SimbaAliayeThank you, Sandra❤ I need to read that book👏🏻 I felt like I was his mom, most of the years we were together

Sorry you have this experience 🙏 is definitely not your fault

Yessss.

This sounds so much like me. I was in a 23 yr relationship, married for 16 and dealt with everything you mentioned. No longer having to deal with him and going no contact was and is the best thing ever. I hope you realize how strong you are. Continue on that path. So many people noticed how my smile is now and that it is genuine. I never realized that my pain was evident because I spent so much time trying to hide the abuse, but folks who knew me before and see me now constantly comment on how happy I look and for once I can truly say I am. It is a beautiful thing for us all.

Define love? Then go ask ten other friends what it means. You'll never find consensus.

They are not mature enough for love, which entails sacrifice, loyalty, persistence, and patience. They are in love with the Hollywood fantasy of "sexy love" with a new shiny object, until that shiny object shows their humanity. Then they become disappointed that their fantasy is a mere flawed mortal and the abuse begins.

Yes! 100%

That could very much be it. That thought just came to me

​​​@@clairelane3642I cannot like this comment enough; it's so on point and correct! Thank you! 💕

🙏🏽

ALR…me too!

This is so spot on

My ex exactly.. covert narcissist..wow

💯🎯🎯

🤢

I think they imagine someone who is not. And therefore they are so persistent. They don´t even care to get to know you... They know very fast that you have emotional empathy and you won´t let them down. So they are very clever and play a great act with you. But obsession never ends well. And there will come a day they hate you (because with time they will see your weeknesses and that you are not perfect how the thought - you stand up for yourself ... )...

you’re welcome

Wish you the best to beat this

Thank you

I'm trying to leave my narcissistic husband right now so I know exactly how you feel. Stay strong! We can do this!

I tried many times to leave. I do well until he calls and then I fall back 😔. I know I should be stronger but I keep going back. Maybe I don't love myself enough? It's weird cuz I know I love him but I'm pretty sure he doesn't love me 😢

Same here. I can't rid myself of that chemistry I had with him even though I haven't seen him in almost 3 months. They get into us like a poison.

Just focus on yourself right now. Pour into you. Healing isn’t linear, one day you’re good, next day bawling your eyes out. I’ve been working on me! Love and Light to you all💜

🙏

😮‍💨😮‍💨

STAY SAFE

🙏🏽💯

🙏 ♥️

@@MentalHealness Keep doing what you're doing! You're helping others and myself soooo much. I honestly think that Narcissists and INFJs are cut from the same cloth in so many different ways. It's how we choose to give a situation and ourselves meaning, how we respond to it, that creates the difference. The reason that I'm bringing that up, is that, most INFJs don't understand the impact that their contributions make to the world. With me using my belief from the previous statement(s), I just want you to know that the gift of yourself and your experiences that you are giving to the world, is healing and enriching others lives. Thank you and God bless brother!

Stay safe

People with personality disorders have stunted growth. Like Dr. Simon says, don’t confuse care for love.

@@MentalHealness I sure will

Yup. I have BPD & learned a year or two ago about my lovebombing.

I met a man online a year ago.he love bombed me for 3 whole months,extremely charming and caring. But i notised some red flags pretty quick.he wanted to lead our "connection" and put a label on it. and when i put my foot down,he turned on me and became cold and distant. I know he has a broken childhood. Father issues .he told me.i think he has BPD i was also thinking narc.he went silent on me for over 4 months now but still watching me without saying anything

I have that too. When I love someone I go into it so deep naively without knowing who the person really is.

💯

I remember a guy I dated and would touch me in a way that make me uncomfortable and when I told him to stop he was like this is mine. Literally you are their possession.

My past experience also, including my father. I'm so happy to be in my 70's, single and living autonomously! A lot of men like to control women, it's in their DNA and thousands of years of patriarchy.

Or when ppl ask why didn’t you just file for divorce? Ma’am, I’ve filed 4 times. 🤦🏾‍♀️

The restraining order is to give extra teeth to any future police calls that you make if or when the narc attempts to force themselves back into your life

@@phosphoros3050 I ended up getting one. Moved without him knowing where, (2nd move as he found me last time), and been no contact since the move. I know that still hurts him.

It's common to think you can change your abuser, but they abuse you because they can't respect you as a person and see you more like a possession. You deserve better, please run.

I would like for him to do a video of this too

Yes this is the video we need!

No… and sometimes yes but they are enablers and are afraid to be cut off if they speak up. In my experience they are flying monkeys and narcissists as wel

💯

Two year relationship. Mine forced me to discard him. When the discard phase began (didn't know what it was at the time) I tried to be very calm, didn't react, was as direct as I could be stating my needs and issues. I loved him and wanted it to work. Empty promises of change, the behavior only got worse. He then became immensely upset when I finally initiated the breakup (which shocked me). He immediately started dating the chick he was dangling in front of me which set off the forced discard. Telling me hurtful shit about how he's gonna be better for her and posting her everywhere. Then he wouldn't leave me alone. Always future faking, asking to be together, emotional phone calls/arguments (still dating this chick the whole time) always wanted to know if I was seeing anyone. Willing to pay me money to tell him info about my life. This went on for two years. Honestly it was extremely confusing for me. I'm still not sure if he ever even loved me. I just feel duped and tricked and confused. Anyway I think he was done with me by the discard phase, long before I finally dumped him. He'd moved 3 hours away to pursue a graduate degree. I wasn't convenient anymore (this going off the possibility he never actually loved me, just used me). However, I think his aim was to keep me attached so that I wouldn't move on. This I don't understand. His hoovering was extremely successful. I loved him and was heartbroken and kept clinging to hope that he was who I'd fallen in love with. No dice. Sucked every time. As I said I was very confused by my manipulated feelings and what was actually reality. Two months ago I finally just told him I want to get back together and let's try again (At this point I'm over it and I did not really want this.) He told me no and the official No Contact conversation was had. He's blocked on EVERYTHING and I haven't heard from him since. I feel detached from him, but still confused about what was real and what wasn't. It doesn't really matter regarding him, but for me, I'm trying to piece together how it happened and what I missed in an effort to heal myself for a new relationship and not fall into the same trap with another person again (therapy helps). Because I really did love him and I was left devastated for a long time. At this point it's been two months since official NC and I still haven't heard a peep. I think allowing him the "control" over the End helped a lot. I believe it's officially over (hopefully this isn't a naive conclusion). Like I said extremely confusing relationship. At least I don't hurt anymore and I finally feel free to fall in love with others again. It's nice and peaceful. - sry for the book, maybe you can relate.

😵‍💫😵‍💫

UK over the summer

@@MentalHealness Awesome. Please share info once available.

😩

😩

😆

Now?

@@MentalHealness someone is posting as you asking for money.

😂

😝

🙏🏽

😞