Dismissive Avoidant No Contact | Stages Avoidant Ex Goes Through 

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Doesn't matter what a person does. If they don't want you....they won't contact you...move on and forget they ever existed ...just like they probably have already done with you...there's much better out there....observe and learn from experience

Run fast is the conclusion! This is a broken individual you don’t need this shit in your life….

If you are anxious attachment, practice your boundaries by not responding

Could you please make a video on how to become avoidant because they seem like they don’t care and I want that too

Avoidants are hard to love but if they become secure, are among the best and most loving lartners. My husband is the moat beautiful man ever. I will be patient with him

When my ex decided to divorce me i help her pack. Within 2 weeks I erased every evidence she ever existed in my life. I did not participate in her divorce. Two weeks after she moved out to her new boy toy i sold my house and moved a thousand miles away. Haven't spoken to her are anyone from that life in 26 years. That's what I call, avoidant.

I can confirm about the testing the waters bit... They'll find clever, and very soft ways to trigger a response from you, like to test if you are still mad on them or interested. Then, if you react, they might go ahead and contact you again. You need to have a lot of patience with DA's, if you love them and are good partners/friends be patient, but otherwise it's not worth the pain.

Dismissive Avoidants have their own Men in Black pen but forget to put the sunglasses on 😎

My ex broke up suddenly, out of nowhere. We had a discussion a week before, and while I was explaining my feelings he became cold and said, he is not able to manage a relationship. After that he wanted me to go out with him😂. I was confused, hurt and sad. After 3 weeks of no contact I wrote him , I would like to talk… he called me and we talked for 4 hours. I love him, he is a good person, but it’s like walking on eggshells to communicate needs and emotions. I feel sorry for him, I know he doesn’t want to be alone forever. He said he will look for a therapist. I hope he will open up emotionally. ( if not for me than for another woman). I hope he will find happiness!

I actually broke up with MY DA ex, my boyfriend of 2 years. I love him dearly, but I felt that he couldn’t fully be emotionally present and that the more I made my needs clear, the less inclined he was to fulfill them. Communication was out the door too. Go figure, now I just want him back. More than anything. It took him a couple days to clear his stuff out and poof, he’s gone. Just like that. I’m disinclined to play mind games, or to be manipulative in any way. I just want to be authentic and hope that we find our way back to each other, each of us more healed and grown in our own way. I hope against hope that that is how it works out.

7 weeks into no contact, she emailed asking for one of her things back. Short and to the point. Not even a reply once i told her I've dropped it off. Too busy with the rebound I'd say.

My avoidant ex came back first time 2 months after NC, second time 5 months after NC. Never again.

Dealing with an DA and they just booted? Move on. Give them the gift of missing you. You miss them? Understandable, but let them miss you more. Their Avoidant programming will eventually buckle by human nature.

I left her. We bumped into each other, started talking again and we met up and had an amazing time. I wish we never did. It was the last time I saw her, nothing had changed and I left again

I wish my avoidant ex came back. I miss him so much.

Mine came back guys !!! And he’s a millionaire. I’m a single mom. Off & on for abt 3yrs.. we got in a heated argument & he’s very dismissive of what I want. Went no contact for 4 months.. he reached out after 2 months. I said nothing ( he was breadcrumbing .. another 2 months go by & he reaches out asking about my son. He knows my son is my world so he tries to use that to get on my soft side. Then we talked some more and he claims he wants to do the things that I want & we are meeting for dinner soon. I’m scared ! Bt I’m ready !

The problem you whant to see them and ask and ask... and they get upset and u end up alone anyway so Run away fast...!

I walked away 7 months ago and have kept no contact. Although it's been hard for I continue to move forward with my life. I hope one day we can have an adult conversation but I'm not holding my breath.

my ex punished me for not immediately abandoning her and wouldn’t let me help / love/ care for her without treating me like shit. The way they work they will end up alone depressed and full of regrets.

It's been 5 months. She was detached and acted like she never cared abut anything we had about 3 months. Then she posted some memes with vague message about working with herself, and kept liking my content with no engagement, but not as regularly as during the first 3 months. This more unstable behavior went on about 2 months, when she posted some memes few times, and I reacted but never commented (I'm sure it came as a surprise to her because in the past I always commented all her stuff), and now it's been 2 weeks of complete silence from her, not even reacting to my posts any more. Interesting. I'm pretty much distanced myself and moving towards healing, so I don't desperately need her to reappear. But if she does, I'm much smarter now that I know about DA, and I'll never accept the way she treated me again, not without her showing that she works with herself. I think when this kind of deactivation happens, DA person might not have much control over it - the first time, but the way they're going to deal with it and the consequences of their past behavior after thy come out of detached state, IS a choice. And the way they come back, if they do, sais a lot about their personality and the level of self awareness.

Just don't react to the dismissive ways. Its a form of manipulation that I believe they don't even know how it hurts the relationship. Every time I was confronted with it I walked away. After a while the episodes dropped because they could see I was not going to participate in the rituals. I let the relationship stand on its own merit. Its not easy but I think it forced them to reflect at the moment not one month later. Don't add a fake sense of security to the relationship by letting them think you will always be there. Their traits are definitely odd at times and I stil do not have all the answers.

Please can you do NC video on avoidants who sabotaged relationship, and we’re broken up with. Also please can you do avoidant rebound video please 🙏

my girlfriend did exactly that. she then would message me to see if we were speaking? then a 'i've been doing..whatever ', ' i want to be friends', then ' i miss you, and i'm confused 'then ' maybe we can meet up and talk- if you want to?' and of course i did..because i love her and also understood her more than she realised. she is sorry now...and has said so a few times, because i said i had no doubts about her emotionally or trust issues, but since her actions i do have now. BUT she seems to have got closer and more committed to us than before and although i like this -i feel i'm waiting for the next reason for her to find a way out, an argument or issue taken out of context. it's getting better between us...mainly by my accepting who she is and what her issues.

Thanks, this video really helped. I was into a girl when I as 14, and she was a DA. I tried to win her over for 2 years, and finally left her by going "no-contact". I still haven't got over her. She tried reaching out to me, since my late 20s through her parents and sister, as she lives in USA and I live in India. I did not reach out to her, though I could have on Facebook. She sent me a friend request, when I was in my early 30s, and I did not accept it. She sent me condolences message on Facebook when I was 38, after I lost my father, and I still did not reciprocate. I am 47 now , and I have spent decades ruminating over her. But I know I need to stay away from her.

Did they just jump back to dating apps even when they claim that they have been always alone and did not even try!! I am losing my mind

There have been situations where I was dating this avoidant which really stonewalled me for a long time. I met them by chance in public and they apologized for not texting me back and that they were overwhelmed. This was before I understood attachment theory. I'd often say "it's ok" but deep down I thought it was bullshit. Then we broke up that same day. I thought in that very moment that it was over for good. But I got a text a week after. And kept getting texts which I didn't respond to. Weeks passed and I I got other texts really late at night. I felt sorry for them. And responded. But I remember there were some half apologies. More blaming me for stuff, and justifying their actions in my apparent mistakes. It didn't let me heal. I swallowed a lot of anger and resentment and pretended to be fine. But the wounds never healed. We kept trying and everytime we tried I got hurt more and it gave me flashbacks of everything that happened before. The stonewalling and the shifting blame. I'm not 100% this case is just being dismissive avoidant. But there's something else.

My DA was full on into me and texting non stop. We had phenomenal sexual chemistry. I did say i wanted to be your girlfriend and he said he is jaded by his other relationships and doesn’t want to have a relationship. We went away for 3 days and had an amazing time with amazing sex and he said it’s over. I was honestly devastated. We texted after I tried to tell him how much I care about him but it pushed him away. I finally said good luck and that was the end. 😢 I still don’t get if the weekend and sex was amazing why being his girlfriend was so Insane for him. I know now after hearing this video. I shouldn’t have pushed. I just liked him so much. I guess he’ll never contact me and I’m really sad over it. On the other hand this DA is probably not what I really want or deserve.

My wife of 27 years finally contacted me after 3 months of no contact. We have been split up since 2021. We have gotten close to reconcile a couple of times but she has pulled away each time. She was wounded during her childhood. I was the first man to treat her good, but during COVID, I was depressed. I was working in the healthcare industry, which was totally depressing and I took that home. She asked me to leave. So, I moved out and was living in some bad area of LA, because that is all I could afford, with a 1.75 million dollar house payment, her car payment and the extras. So, I worked everyday. Made lots of OT, but was killing myself mentally.

😊well explained 👏 👌 I've unfortunately experienced this after 14 years I had to study hard to understand but this video is perfect good luck with your journey ❤

In my case she suddenly ceased contact with me quite disrespectfully. Went no contact immediately. 10 months later, I get 3 texts from her asking me how I’m doing. I believe she’s a good person on the inside so I decided to wait a few hours and then reply, but just before I wanted to, she deleted the messages so I decided to not do anything. 2 weeks later, she suddenly blocked me on instagram, which is weird because I wasn’t following her anymore for like 6 months already and she didn’t follow me. Passive aggressive behavior? Let’s see if she’ll reach out in the future again lol, I must say it felt good she reached out, even though she’s probably not relationship material.

Still doing these videos huh, Katya? I broke up with Stacey over a year ago and our last communication was in January. Good riddance! I feel bad for people who don't have the self-respect and self-love to just get out of toxic relationships with these broken people. People have no idea what they're missing out on and once they see what it feels like to be in a relationship with a normal and healthy person capable of loving you back, it's a wonder why they ever stuck around. Thanks though.

I had a relationship with a dismissive avoidant and I really cared for him and well we put our relationship on hold due to him finishing up his last semester in college. After graduation he just said he was working on getting his life together. During the time he kept reacting to my stories and posts in fb but didn’t really texted me. My coworker found him in fb dating a couple days ago. My heart was crushed. I made the mistake of sending him the screenshot of his profile and a message but he didn’t respond.

Avoid them... trust me when there away from you there out there sewing there seeds with others. Do you really want them back? Also they are practically a narcissist the behavior is the same as one except the intention of those behaviours is different. But at the end of the day does it matter if there intent is different from the narcissist the end result is the same an unhealthy, toxic one sided relationship. Be greatful your out now get on with your life and find a healthy happy reciprocal relationship peeps

after two months of no contact I texted my DA ex saying "how's everything?" but she hasn't replied. however in last two days she used two different profile picture on WhatsApp where she wore the tshirt I had gifted her last year. I can clearly feel that she's moving on effectively but still having residual hopes. it's been 4 and a half months since she broke up with me.

Out if the 8 long relationships I've had, I've dated two DAs yet they were the only girls i loved. It took the first one nearly two years of no contact to reach out. The 2nd one I feel she never loved me at all copared to the first DA, So doubt to ever hear from her but that's okay :)

I've been in No Contact with a serious Dismissive Avoidant that broke up with me for two months now. After a long hiatus, they started uploading content to their Instagram stories again, where I see they've been going to the gym, got a puppy, returned to her nail decoration hobby, and is receiving gifts from other people? It seems like she's working on herself and doing better, but I'm not sure how this fits into any of the stages mentioned and if a reconnection is still possible?

My avoidant was a 10 year friendship. We had a casual fling but she seemed to run before it even turned anything. But I already loved her. I carefully kept in contact for 10 months but not being friends zoned I wouldn’t allow it. Then I snapped I told her how I feel. She was mad we thought but then she admitted she felt the same. Then seven weeks of absolute bliss tons of adventures intimacy that was completely perfect. Then she backed away in a week and found an excuse that didn’t really exist to push me away. It’s been three weeks now no contact

Hello M…I hope you get this message. Yes, we have had our ups and downs- and I am sorry for the pain that I have ever caused you! During the 2 months I have been preparing for a total knee replacement on my right knee. The time has finally come and I will be going into surgery tomorrow 9/7 morning at 0730. You have been on my mind a lot and I just wanted you to know that I hope you ok wherever you are, what ever you doing! I love you my friend. You hold a very special place in my heart and you always will! Please know that am in God’s hands! 🙏❤️ Professor Sam Vaknin heals trauma bonding 🙌

My dismissive avoidant ex would literally make a dismissive gesture with her hands while talking. I used to stress in restaurants she'd whack a server passing by. At this point I am willing to guess 75% of NYC has a psychological disorder and it may be best to build a woman from spare parts and broken hearts 💕 Or, as Roy Orbison said.... Well, you can't be my loving baby You ain't got the style I'm gonna get some real gone love That'll drive a cool cat wild I'm gonna move, rolling right on down Gonna get me a gal that'll go out on the town Well, you move on down the line I'm gonna get me a gal that'll make some time She can't be square, she can't be slow 'Cause when we start strutting, gotta go, go, go Well, I'm gonna show you ain't so hot I'm gonna get what you ain't got She'll be sweet, won't do me wrong She'll be cool and twice as gone You gotta roll, move it right on down Gonna get me a gal that'll go out on the town Well, you move on down the line I'm gonna get me a gal that'll make some time She can't be square, she can't be slow 'Cause when we start strutting, gotta go, go, go Well, you move on down the line I'm gonna get me a gal that'll make some time She can't be square, she can't be slow 'Cause when we start strutting, gotta go, go, go

She’s in limerence with a guy who doesn’t even like her

Plus self blame because they see themselves as defective and unable to maintain a real relationship

She left while we were dating

Hi ! Cheers for the content, this video so far was the best video I've ever seen about dismissive avoidant attachment style. It helped me understand better my case, 7 months have passed after our break up and my ex haven't reached out yet, like I was never existed. I reached out to him and he never answered my messages, this hurt me so bad and gave me the feeling of unworthiness but when I think about the things he's said about his ex when he was with me , I can see some of the characteristics of dismissive avoidant in him. So he's probably showing the same reaction to me. His mind rationalizes things to change his feelings and he believes whatever his mind says. He was so clingy at the beginning though, then after a month he became cold and he used to say that he's just got comfortable with me , I wanna know that if dismissive avoidants can be clingy too ?🤔

My ex probably not going through any of these... She just runs back to her baby daddy every single time

Pretty amazing content. Thank you 🙏

Hi Katya! Are there any rough timeframes associated with each of these stages DAs go through?

very good video. will they ever really change? and just repeat their disappearing

Can you make a video of how avoidants process being broken up with? There is VERY little information out there about this situation in which they are the dumpee.

Very informative.

When me and my ex broke up the first time which honestly our breakup blew out of the water because of an ex-friend of mine made it worse she broke up a week before my birthday and I avoided contact and she blew up my phone and then got my friend to blow up my phone

Dear Katya, cheers for the content - comes in very useful. I have a question. I reached out to my DA partner who had broken up with me on day 35 of NC after learning, through a friend of mine, she was back on Tinder. Our first chat was friendly and I could sense that she still remembered good memories we shared. But the next day she became unresponsive and finally told me she has nothing more to tell me and does not want to meet up. I know I made a mistake contacting her, but is it over now? Or is there still anything I can do? Back into NC seems like the only option I might have at the moment. Any thoughts, please?

You're stunning!

I wonder how theese stages are if it was another situation in the break up? Thought the differences should be discussed in the video!? In my case the breakup was ”my descission”. But due to his unwillingness to commit. He blocked me on social media, without an answer! 6 weeks after, I realise that he probably was very surprised and got really sad! But now ”he has moved on” he says! What to do?? Is he going to change he’s mind somtime? How does the information in the video apply to this situation, in terms of ”time” for the different stages!!??

What if it has been 8 months in breakup, and 4 month in no contact at all... plus on top, I'm blocked everywhere? Do these apply ? I mean will I even get unblocked one day?

Why bother. This video is depressing. There is no point to try.