Timestamps: 2:55 As a therapist would you ever bring up or mention a client's weight gain/loss (a client who is not in treatment for an eating disorder)? 14:15 I'm actually a very shy/anxious person but I always push myself into situations I feel very uncomfortable in. Like taking part in conversations I would like to avoid... 24:21 I'm not sure what to do because I feel like unhealthy ways to cope are the only things that help me at this point.. when I'm not self-harming I use disordered eating habits to cope. I purge, restrict and get really obsessive, there are... 37:02 I am overweight and I've always struggled with food, eating, and body perception. My therapist however confirmed that I am not really suffering from an ED. Society seems to pass the message that everyone can just lose weight and be thin if they just... 51:29 I have always found it difficult to be sexually intimate with my fiance. I find myself faking orgasms to please him when in all actuality, I have never had one with him i the 6 years we have been together... 1:02:49 I have been struggling with hating myself since I could remember and I’m now an adult and I don’t know what to do and how to get better. I have been suffering from depression anxiety almost all of my life. Could you do a video on how to overcome hating yourself... 1:08:03 Hi Kati! Is it normal to have 'impulsive' suicidal thoughts? Sometimes my thoughts will build up over a period of a couple days. Other times though, (usually when I'm already feeling a bit down), anything can send me spiraling. For example... 1:14:07 How can I learn to make decisions? All my life I felt like I never belonged anywhere and everything I tried I failed miserably at. I don't know how to even trust a little that... 1:19:10 So for a while now my therapy session have been moved to online. Before this crazy year happened my therapist would let me know well before if she needed to cancel or... 1:24:57 Can you talk about what would cause someone to have unrealistic expectations of themselves? I set extreme expectations for...
Tbh first time I’ve been able to look at you 🙈 Also, to the person having therapy sessions over the phone....me too! I find it weird that I’ve never seen my therapist physically in session because my therapy sessions are over the phone - no video.
@@keelyschemmer I'm in the states, but I can't wait until I can see my therapist in person! I know that tele-therapy is better than nothing, but I still feel like there's communication that is missing when we're not in person. It's even worse over the phone as you can't even see the person, so you can't even see what the therapist is communicating non-verbally.
@@janetslater129 I’m also in the States!! 😃 but I’m not really missing much with the non-verbal messages from my therapist because I’m really bad with social cues 🙈😥
@@keelyschemmer Yeah. I could see how that would be an issue for some people. With me, I just feel like that with basically only seeing the top half of my therapist, and a few things in her background, I just feel like there's a level of communication that's sorta lacking (although it's not our fault). Plus, don't even get me started on the technology issues!
Funny, I'm finding that I talk about more difficult things over doxy/zoom. First, I'm actually closer to her face than ever before. So in some ways it feels more personal and intimate and sometimes, too personal. I also think because I know I don't have to pull it together to drive helps a little. I've talked about some really intense stuff this year. Course tons going of including grief. Plus, like many, I've been like pretty completely alone, barely seeing anyone but a dr now and then for a year. I think that is underplayed as many have at least one person they hug/live with/have in their bubble. I haven't touched a friend person (as opposed to mammo woman!) since March 2nd, 2020! Add depression, PTSD, bipolar, ED, and all the things those who hang out with Katie live with. I'm ok with more meds this year. Whatever gets you thru the night. 🎶🎶🎶 (Sorry, got off track.)
This pandemic has put me through several depressive episodes, Kati you’re podcast episodes help me get out of bed, take care of my hygiene and organize my room. God bless you. 🚿🧼🧺💕
Same here I was doing ok before the Pandemic but since it really started I have really had a bad year. I feel really lucky that I found her Channels. Watching them has given me a lot of tools to help. I'm not doing great but I'm better than I was. 🙂
The questions seemed so well thought out, as well as your answers. The eating questions as well as the suicidal ideation, really rang a bell, but all gave me stuff to think about thank you Kati and thank you community.
I just really wanted to say this one was REALLY eye opening for me. Some of the things you talked about are things I’m dealing with from trauma and made me go aha! Thank you so much for what you do. Love you Katie! 💖💖💖
My ears perked up when you talked about IFS! My therapist started integrating it several weeks ago, and I've been pretty skeptical, but actually really benefiting from it
Outstanding video! I didn't think I was going to relate much with this one, considering there was a lot of questions on eating disorders and, actually, I even received great info in your answers to even those questions. You are so great at what you do. I'm saving this one for tips and references. Thank you again.
Hi Kati! I've missed you! I've been super overwhelmed with therapy, so I'm way behind on videos, but I jumped on here to watch for a while. It's so good to see you and hear your voice! I am looking forward to catching up. Hey, remember that time I wrote some comment on whatever livestream back in 2017 about how I don't have an eating disorder, but I do use food for comfort? You said "Well, if you use food for comfort, that _is_ an eating disorder." And you said it so pleasantly! You were smiling and nodding. I was stunned!! I said to myself "Kati is so right about almost everything. But she can't be right about THIS!" Well, fast forward a few years, and ... in short ... you were. LOL! Well spotted, my friend! I still chuckle about that memory. Otherwise, things are getting better and better here. My life is really starting to come together. Please tell Sean hello for me! Good luck getting a house in Austin - that sounds like an awesome place to live! I know you two will help keep Austin weird.
Doesn't everyone occasionally seek out a food for comfort rather than for nutrition or to satisfy hunger? I'm pretty sure I have, and it felt normal at the time. I haven't gained or lost significant weight or gotten deficiencies as a result, and I'm happy with my situation, so it's hard to imagine how this could be a disorder.
@@diablominero Well, I’m not qualified to analyze your situation, but it sounds normal to me. The key to any psychiatric disorder is that it has to interfere with daily functioning or have some sort of negative impact on your life. My situation is different than yours. Kati was sharp enough to spot the difference, although it was so long ago, I can’t remember what tipped her off.
@@iris__and_rhizomes Maybe your choice to mention it was part of what tipped her off. One does not simply try to spend Kati's time on idle, pointless gossip. She might have thought you considered this important on some level.
A question I always wanted to know, do you ever as a pshychologist /therapist feel not in the mood for listening to a patient and how does it affect your therapy session.
Eating in the light of the moon changed my life in 2011 when my therapist recommended it. She also recommended GENEEN ROTH and all of her books!! Her books are amazing, I met her in person as well.
Eating in the light of the moon is the besttttttt. Saving my life can’t recommend it enough. I actually bought it like 2 years ago, but when I started it I unfortunately wasn’t read to process it so I stopped and sat on it. I started it officially in December and read a chapter every so often because it gets deep lol. But then I reflect on each chapter and god it has made so many things makes sense in regards to my ED and helping me see what and where I need to heal in order to fully recover.
Thank you @opinionsthatdontmatter for the podcast today's questions have been a great help. I just have one short question is the binge and restrict cycle a ED? Thank you, good luck with the house search hope you find something soon!! Stay safe both!!
I'm guessing anything with the word "binge" and "restrict" and means food, is some of the definitive symptoms of an ED. People without food issues never use the word "restrict" and only you know if your binge is a exaggeration of the word like is common these days or a "diagnosis." Binge these days is mostly netflix. (Unless you eat the entire time you are binging netflix?) Sorry, I also think more of us are non-diagnostically eating more junk food this year.
Hey Kati.. Thankyou so much for your video..and especially the book you mentioned‘eating in the light of the moon’..I downloaded it on audiobooks..it’s fantastic and found why I have my issues..🤗🤗🤗
Hey ❤ I had a female DBT therapist, and she didn't say anything about my weight loss. My mother and father saw it and talked to me about it. At the end of my DBT I told her I was worried about my eating, if it were going to escalate after DBT was complete. This was the last time I talked to her about it because she didn't seem to think I had an eating disorder. After a few months my period was irregular like it was about to stop, sometimes it was okay other times almost nothing at all. Then I started losing hair. And I lost a lot of hair. Was afraid something was wrong, but so I talked with her about this, because it led me to having severe anxiety. About to lose all my hair. We made a chain over my worry and anxiety but never talked about it again. I seriously didn't know these things could be related to an eating disorder. That wasn't even something I considered even. Because according to my therapist I didn't have an eating disorder. My anxiety causes me not to eat, then I binge because of the weight loss, so I eat a lot of unhealthy foods, like nutella or other sweet things that is easy to get yourself to actually eat. but now I understand that I'm hurting my body. But now i can't stop the cycle .. and I'm scared that I'm killing myself from the inside. It has been going on for 4,5 years. And I did 3 years DBT but not anymore..
I would just like to say if you are moving to Austin that would he so awesome because we need more DBT clinicians here. I’m always looking for competent clinicians to refer to because I live near Austin!
Also, I'm one of those who loves to run. It's something that has helped me get through my trauma. I was a runner before my trauma, so it's not a negative coping mechanism for me. It seriously helps me with clearing my head and refocusing.
@@scenepunk09 As long as you're physically able to do so, you can go back to it. I used a C25k program (couch to 5k) when I started running in my early 30s (40 now).
Oh, good. You answered my question that I was about to ask of when you ask for questions and where to go to submit them. I do, however, have another question. Is there an option to have our questions and names anonymous/or not having them announced when you make your videos that are posted answering? Thank you, you are greatly appreciated, Kati!
I know that this sounds bad, but on days like today where I'm stuck in zoom meetings all day, I mostly just keep my mic and video off, and do other things. I'll still listen and respond to things as needed, but I have to do other things to prevent myself from getting super bored during the meetings.
I have a question. Everyone talks about how knowing others suffer same problem as you makes you feel better knowing you are not alone but how? Isn't it a negative thing like they are suffering and makes us feel better knowing others suffer too?
I know personally, it was validating to hear stories similar to mine. I think it helps to feel “normal” in a sense. You have a community that first hand understands you to this new depth.
@Inspirit Chingyu It's not that we are glad that others feel like us, or are struggling. It just helps us feel less alone and like someone finally understands what we've been feeling for so long, whereas we may have gone most our lives without having anyone understand. We mostly felt we had to keep it all inside because we wouldn't want anyone thinking something was wrong with us. Knowing others can relate to how we are feeling, or what we are going through, helps us feel a little more normal because we're not the only one. Also, it helps because we'll feel more comfortable talking to them about it and so we don't have to keep it all inside, suffering more.
Can I be honest I miss when you were a bit zoomed out, and I could see all your plants, I found just looking at the plants in the back ground very relaxing.
Iv just recently gone to be assessed by a GP who has a special interest in this area as I'm fed up with this life-long struggle and have been referred to a dietician and psychologist .
Kati, as much as I love listening to you, please please please be very careful when mentioning weight and doctors. Things like pre-diabetes or high blood pressure may not be anything related to one's weight (like if it's hereditary or a side effect to medication). Doctors are so quick to ignore and judge those who may be overweight, without really listening to what the patient's issues may be. Size and weight should not be the primary focus (or focus at all) in terms of basic health care.
Hi Janet, if you keep listening through Kati's past posts, on both channels, she expresses a lot of frustration in relation to this. I just wanted to help reassure you...hope it helps ❤.
As a nurse, I think she was pointing out that extreme weight loss when you aren't trying (or weight gain for no apparent reason) should trigger a therapist to inquire about a potential health issue and NOT assume it's psychological. It's easy when we have mental health issues to forget we can also get sick. I actually have stopped telling specialists any of my psych history or even checking depression or anxiety when I see a new doctor. I feel very blown off, esp that like you say, I am overweight. (And I know not telling isn't the safest thing and don't encourage that at all - as a nurse I know when it's time to tell and if he is prescribing meds, he must always know what I'm on.) I have developed asthma from covid. I had a collapsed lung in month 6. (please wear masks even if you are vaccinated. You can still get a mild case like mine and end up sick for life!) I got the doctors report of my visit. It said I had a partially collapsed lung but at the bottom said "her weight can also account for her symptoms." I had a COLLAPSED LUNG - but lets make sure I also fat shame her. Imagine if he knew I lived with bipolar disorder. He never would have ordered testing! Stigma has made me feel the need to make unsafe choices so I get taken seriously. If people only knew. Fortunately, my PCP RNP also has a specialty in mental health so I can go to her with questions and totally not feel judged. With covid, mental health judgement has been terrible. Esp if you are sick but have a negative test. It's been horrid for long-haulers. Even those who were always completely healthy, no mental health dx are being told their 4 month headache is because.they don't want to go back to work etc. I think she was saying it could be a warning sign and for THERAPISTs to not assume it's a mental health issue not the other way around? Esp if you are always hungry. Always thirsty. Etc. It might not be med side effects. Like you said, we also get physically sick and not just because meds made us gain weight. A good topic for a long video.
Right about 59:00 you talk to the comment person who said "what if there was no trauma" and I wondered if that referred more directly to the question of "I don't enjoy sex - but there is no trauma." It's easy for sexual folks to think there has to be SOMETHING that happened but there are people who are asexual and a-romantic and so many words used these days. People just get no pleasure from sex. The thing for me is to get to know what is right for us and stop feeling perhaps like because you don't conform to what society says "you should do" or "enjoy." Like Katie says "you do you." But if you look up some of the many sexual "labels" or names for ways of being, you might find one that fits exactly and because there is a "label," you clearly aren't alone. Nothing about sex is normal or abnormal as long as it's consenting like she said. I think so many of us are steeped in sex shame, trauma or no trauma, religious shame, young masterbation shame. And tiny sexual things can be felt as traumatic to us. Walking in on our parents. Hearing our parents even. Little t. (Speaking as an older (T)rauma survivor still hoping I figure it out before i die!!!) Sex is such a tricky thing for so many people. It's almost normal for sex to be an issue! But esp when we dissociate during it.
I can relate to question 3 so muchhhh. if im not self harming then im restricting or binging or if I not doing any of that then I use ...I have done DBT but its so fucking hard to stop destructive behaviours:(((
I love that you talk about intuitive eating. Thank you so much. It's not something I hear a lot of therapists acknowledging. I'd suggest unsubscribing from weight-centric medical care too. For anyone who hasn't, I highly recommend learning about "health at every size" which sort of goes hand in hand with intuitive eating (*the updated version of the intuitive eating book). It has changed my entire perspective on eating, bodies, health, etc. If your doctor is only focusing on your weight and telling you that losing weight will cure X problem, know that there is no single medical condition that only affects people in larger bodies. Also, if you have to severely restrict your food and intensely exercise to lose weight, is that really healthy? Health doesn't have a look, just like eating disorders don't have a look. There are thin people who are unhealthy and people in larger bodies who are healthy. Approach it from a holistic perspective.
I see a guy therapist and he never said anything when I went from a size 12 to a size 1 due to depression, going through a divorce and the loss of my brother. Do you think it’s because he’s a guy and a female therapist would say something?
I've done things that you would categorize as an eating disorder, but it didn't hurt me, would never have hurt me, and I didn't mind it. I think I even bought myself a bit of extra lifespan by avoiding protein glycation and undoing some insulin resistance. How is it legitimate to call something a disorder when it doesn't harm or distress someone, and they think it's good for them?
@ 1:00:10 smelling and tasting things during sex most likely ARE a flashback, I wish Kati had said that. Perhaps there is a video that defines what a FB is. There are many kinds of FBs. Sometimes it can just be laying in bed and feeling really small. Suddenly your hands look small. They are not all huge things that include dissociation. (Clearly some are.) Body memories are a form of FB even without images. Pandys.org is a well-run forum website for survivors (of any gender identity) with sexual trauma. Over 50,000 members. It's kept very safe. Can we all just agree that a no-show is just NEVER ok. Period. Even a text. I would actually expect some kind of explanation. Not personal but even to say "my son was sick" is not overly personal. Yikes. I had a therapist just never show up again after I went on vacation. No call. No show. No ending. I should have reported her. Never ok.
Kati, what to do when you need help (urgent, like ED + suicidal thoughts type of urgent) but you're still financially dependent on your parents, that don't believe you at all and don't think you need help (even though you've asked a thousand times)? I need help so bad, but I just see no way out, I literally think I will have to give up on myself because I can't get help and I don't see how I can do this on my own.
If you live in the States, go to an ER in those emergent times. I know, I know. BUT you can get help with the cost (I didn’t have to pay for anything). Just ask the social worker on duty to be put on emergency Medicaid. I hope this helps ♥️
