Do Your Colleagues Know You're Gay? Being Openly LGBTQ+ at Work | S3 E10 

No. I kept work life balance completely separate. I worked with many open LGBTQ people. Was frequently scanned by Gaydar and questioned. My answer was What goes on between my sheets is between me and my sheets. One 18yo boy asked me if I played nice with little boys or little girls. I said I played nice with everybody. He pressed me and told him we could continue the conversation with HR. I had coworkers come out to me privately at lunch as I was the only person they couldn't read with Gaydar. I always accepted their trust and confidence in revealing their sexuality to me. 35 years ago when I started my career, being gay could get you fired. As US laws and court rulings regarding discrimination expanded protection for our community more people felt comfortable in being open. Never felt I was in the closet or less than my authentic self at work. Sex or relationships just was not something to be shared. I was raised Catholic and to be a private person.

21:30 i see what you're saying joel, but please dont make me/invite me to a meeting because someone is black and I'm the other black person you know. It minimizes all the reasons im there to just "you're only here because the other person is black."

Hi Keegan and Joel...I was 'out' at 28.....however when I was 39 I commenced work at "The Sydney Morning Herald".....my first day was a meeting with about 40 colleagues......5 minutes into the meeting, a woman about my age, who actually became a good friend....asked, in front of everyone..."James, are you gay?" Taking a deep breath I replied "Yes".....she replied "Rats...I fancied you". The meeting continued, and I was grateful that no further explanations were unnecessary. ❤❤

I have found this Podcast, that I watch on RU-vid, to be very inclusionary to include all age groups, all races and genders. If I left any group out, these discussions certainly does not. At 63, I have found many things you’ve discussed that I’ve told myself to work on this within myself. I watch every episode and take in every word. You guys have created this show that transcends even plain traditional therapy. Even years of gay therapist for me. Please keep doing what you are doing.

I’m 46 and have been working on losing weight and getting fitter, I’ve lost 3 stone and started weight training and I’m feeling great! This has massively boosted my self confidence and have just come out at work this week, and the reaction was nothing but kind loving and supportive, my manager has cultivated a diverse team with various team members from the LGBTQ+ community. I work for a well known UK national consumer owned convenience store and they heavily promote a diverse working team, and one of our core colleague values is ‘Be yourself always’……and at last….I can! 😊 Keep up the great work you guys are doing, your podcast has certainly helped me through coming out. Thank you 🧡

USA has anti discrimination laws for workplaces, but there are so many companies or even just people with power within companies that find their way around those laws and like you said they will get away with what they get away with and then it snowballs into an echo chamber. Unless you have a lot of money and a solid reputation in the community you can't stand up against them, cuz it would end in legal battles and you'd day dragged thru the mud and risk retaliation in the smear campaign. This is obviously more prevalent in some industries, areas, locales than others. More urban places in some industries with more Gen z employees with some power, there IS zero tolerance and we Love to see that.

OK, in the USA, there are states that are called "right-to-work states," which means they can fire you for no reason and do not have to tell you why. At one job I befriended a guy who is straight. A person who had contact with almost all the employees started spreading a rumor that we were boyfriends and suggesting salacious scenarios. I overheard this person talking about us. I asked around and found out she was very prolific in her gossip. So I waited until there was a large group of employees minus the guy I was supposed to be in a relationship with, no point in embarrassing him. I loudly said, if you ever spread another rumor about me and Jim I will have your ass fired. In the process, I mentioned Jim is not gay; he is a friend, and friends between gays and straights can actually happen. The point of me telling you this is simple, live your life. Take control of all situations with no fear, and you will be a whole lot happier.

Behind every Gay man, there is an story that made him a warrior 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈✝️✝️✝️✝️✝️🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠

I get sick and tired of coming out to colleagues so now I always wear a rainbow pin on my lapel. It has loads of benefits.

Excellent show guys! I know Joel would not like a gay cruise, but I think you both would love a Virgin Cruise. It’s a completely different concept; all adult. Actual drag performers, no private dining, no ties or gowns, no self serve buffet. That would be a great H3 show!! You deserve it. Cheers Bring your friends along.

Literally listening to this at work (I work in Mortgage Finance). Very insightful and reflective topic 🙏

Coming out, does that mean declaring I AM GAY? I am not sure why anyone would do that. Just live your life.

My most rewarding successful years of my career were after I was out at work. The previous 15 years at the same company I did very well but suffered from self doubt and always pretending which is exhausting. Also the company changed over the years. Not easy !!!

I had been watching you with Lia before & there had been some signs but I chalked it up to you being English and younger. Also you seemed to have protested or scoffed at the idea - although I’m not totally sure that you did but at least that’s how I seem to remember it or the impression that I got. I was excited when you finally did - not sure if it was click bait drama. But I’m glad you did - it is so so much better. I would not have stayed although I did like the more travel vlogs but now are even much better with Keegan!!!!!

I love how we Gay men always connect with other Gay men ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

Dealing with this now. Don’t want to hide myself but don’t want to jeopardise career success.

Difficult subject. When I was employed as an System analyst on an insurance company (IT field, so to speak) more than 15 years ago I never, ever, came out to them. Even if I meet them today (now I'm self-employed) I wouldn't come out. It's just... I always been a reclusive, reserved person, add a little internalized homophobia and you have a closet that is the size of a bunker, so yeah, no chance. Looking back, maybe I just lost a chance to see if they could have been actual friends (I always thought everyone would reject, betray me whenever they learn I'm gay) but I wasn't going to jeopardize or risk my job. Maybe I could have been a better worker? more relaxed? I don't know, I doubt it, I didn't had any complaints (besides my bizarre programming style) and they had to actually fire me because of staff cuts, but my immediate boss always treated me nice. But as I say, for me, everyone is homophobic until they prove me otherwise. And even if you swear to me you are not, I wouldn't believe you. Maybe that's the reason I don't have friends. That's how paranoid I still am, and why stayed in the closet until this year (I'm 44). I'm still working through it, my distrust of people didn't go away because I came out to my closest two people in my life. If I ever go back to a office environment, I wouldn't come out either. But this was a good show, maybe If I had something like this to listen back in 2004-2005 who knows... I hope many young gays listen to this and do not be closed oysters like me.

I've been lucky most all my life to work in situations which were gay friendly. But it's not the case for everyone, so your discussion and advice are crucially important. Thanks for always being so right on the ball, gentlemen.

I'm not out at work, but then again, I work from home, making it a little easier not to reveal much about myself. Many people are out at the company I work for, including the CEO; it's a very inclusive company. I don't feel the need to come out.

Why??? Don't we start, looking into. Establishing an entire business district. Catering, for and by. The gay and lesbian clientele. Of course, the straights, could still shop and therefore utilise, what we'd have to offer, the community, as a whole. Onside the business world, too. Call it, an economic twist and shout. To that of the heterosexual circumferences to these issues. In the business world. Since time began. 🤗 ✝️ 🤔

I've been fully out at work since 2003. During the early 2000s, there was a visible and vibrant LGBT diversity network group that was run by employees with finding from corporate HR. Being in that group advanced my career in ways that would never have been possible otherwise. Being in that group also saved me from several rounds of mass culling that sweep through every couple of years. Sadly, I can understand why in today's world there would be people who go back into the closet at work. In the USA, we have moved noticeably backwards since the late 90s and early 2000s with regard to general acceptance of LGBTQIA+ as the right-wing conservatism has become more prevalent. Talking to some of my older colleagues and retirees, I've discovered that the shift backward has gone way past even the 1950s. In mid-century times, people were at least respectfully tolerant of those who were different from them. In today's US society, many people who lean right are far less abashed to make their disapproval known. Thankfully, HR is quick to stamp that out as soon as they're made aware, but even still, it really sucks to see a society devolving. I still have a lot of hope for the future thanks to the Gen Xers who are coming into the workplace. They seem to have zero patience for bigotry of any kind, as it should be!

I teared up to! Its so true! I are doing a great job! ❤❤❤

I would like to come out to my martial arts dojo circle, I do hint at it on media. But has an honest training partner I would very much trike to come out already.

Dudes, I’ve enjoyed the episodes and intend to continue. But the sound quality has become *boomy.* It is hard to listen to it.

Hey guys, just FYI, job discrimination based on age, religion, race, sex, or sexual orientation is illegal in the US too.

👍...

Most jobs I’ve been publically out but one I’m at the moment is very male dominated so I hide my feminine side sadly

Who cares.

My supervisor's gay and married to a drag queen and he's treated fine, but even then i wouldnt say anything about my personal life. Hard lesson we all eventually learn, we have friends and we havr coworkers, and you never mix up the two.

No matter what propaganda HR tells everyone, people at work are not your friends. They are co-workers only. No reason to tell them all your business.

“The ax forgets, but the tree remembers.” Keegan’s discussion about the Black woman pointing out that white people aren’t tuned into casual racism and what he said about people casually saying “That’s gay” reminded me of that phrase. We remember the small things that hurt us, but we don’t always remember the small things we do that hurt others.

Work is weird. I didn't get shut out of decision making because I was out and gay as my boss was too. But I did get shut out because I don't smoke! All the decision makers would stand together in front of the building smoking and I didn't get a look in, and that was one place I couldn't invite myself!!

It's really sad if elderly single gays have to go back in the closet if they go into an aged care facility 😢

"Papa can you hear me" Keegan, are you a Streisand fan?

⭐⭐⭐⭐ In answer to your question YES & NO, when it comes to my colleagues. Let me explain, it could be because of the way I look and my mannerisms, which don't give it away. I have never shy away if someone ask, I tell them Yes I'm gay but most of all I'm an Anesthesiologist as well.

When Gay men empower themselves and unite to each other, they can achieve great and awesome things 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠✝️✝️✝️✝️✝️

Well, my first job - military; being out was out of the question period. My second job no one seemed to care.

I’m quite afraid of workplaces that don’t have a clear policy on queer people being made to feel welcome. The last thing I need at work is a repeat of school life.

People at work often show me more respect after coming out. I've endured homophobic comments during work banter but always used to get my own back with a cutting comment.

Fantastic episode. I came out in the legal profession. I’ve had several young lawyers thank me for being a role model. I wasn’t trying to be one, I was just being honest and myself

Coming out at work, for me, was more freeing than coming out to my friends. It was made possible because the company made the effort of diversity training for ALL employees/contractors.

Joel, I do not see you as camp/feminine. Maybe the person who was less friendly to you was pissed because you got Keegan, and he didn't. Straight folks can be jealous of their gay friends.

Insightful podcast! ❤

Great topic guys, it really helps to recognize and point out that those who are closeted can struggle with being as productive as they can be, because of their inability to be their true social selves at work. We all need the encouragement to step out and try to make things a little different. On a parish note, did you change the sound in any way for this episode? To me you guys sounded far away and kind of hollow. Clear still, just not as rich as full as before. Keep up the great work! ❤

I love you guys truly I am a happy healthy homo. This episode sounds a lot more echoy than the other ones though as in like the microphones

I am not 100% out at work. I worry the guys who always thought i was straight will act differently around me if i come out.

What really concerned me about coming out was how will I ever know if how I am now treated is because they know I am gay. Well, the truth is, how do I know if I am being treated a certain way because I am fat, or bald, or even for being tall. Point is, you really can't give a red rat's rectum..

So funny. I still remember Joel “coming out” online after a thousand comments about the man on a cruise ship with him. He made a video, and angrily said “yes, I’m gay, and it’s nobody’s business but mine”. I laughed that day, because of course, I knew, and watching him nearly explode about who he tells and when, and blah, blah, blah… 🤣😂 We loved you regardless Joel, but you were very sensitive in that video. ❤️❤️ Hey, can you work out the echo on your audio.

I think it depends upon the type of workplace. There are 1,500 people in my organization. I'm out to the 7 people whom i am closest to. But i don't go around announcing it to others whom i don't talk to about other personal stuff. I think that's a good rule of thumb. People find out through the grapevine anyway.

I've been thinking about your latest very interesting video in the hours since I watched it earlier today, and coming to the realisation that my family and indeed my later professional background is probably quite unusual, obviously I have known this for many years. For clarity I am a generally pretty happy gay married man (for over 8 years currently) and now in my 70s. A close family member (my mother's brother, so my uncle) lived with his male partner from the mid-late 1950s until they both died in the late-'70s and mid-80s respectively. They came to spend occasional holidays with us (my parents, me & my older brother) from when I was a little boy in the later 1950s and throughout the rest of my childhood in the 1960s until I left home in the very early 1970s as a young adult, and they always shared a bedroom & bed in our house, as they did in their large 3-bedroomed London flat, where they lived. As a young child & adult all this was perfectly normal to me and and my brother & both my mother & my father absolutely loved having them spend some of their holidays with us. Moving onto my own professional career (as a junior and later senior executive in a large & well-known financial organisation) there were a small number of senior people who were gay, mostly discreetly, but in at least 4/5 cases that | am personally aware of, rather openly 😉- there perhaps were others who were 'closeted' (I suspect), but in most cases, including me, we observed 'discretion' but were certainly not 'closeted' and senior management were completely aware, although it was not really talked about much, what mattered was competence in running our parts of the business, this applied too of course to the large majority of senior excutives who were heterosexual. Finally, I never actually 'came out' as such, but both in my personal & professional life I think it was widely accepted that I was/am gay and when It came time to introduce my fiance, now husband, to family and friends and to invite guests to our wedding, it came as absolutely no surprise to anyone who matters to us, including the relatively few still-living very elderly family members, all of whom were very happy for us. Although I'm from a broadly mixed-denomination and pretty moderate Christian background, my husband is from a different but also pretty moderate background overall, particulaly amongst younger family members. As I mentioned earlier, I am well aware we are very probably atypical, and probably have led relatively charmed lives compared to many others, luckily many others have benefitted too from recent changes in society.