Spotting & Stopping Abusive Relationships: How to Help Yourself or a Friend | S3 E11 

This is why it is important that we Gay men have our own spaces to talk about affairs that affect us and connect with other Gay men; in the same way that straight men and women have their own spaces, and straight men and women must respect Gay spaces and respect our differences 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️ At the end, all straight people must understand that we are different and respect Gay spaces and Gay men 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

My husband passed six days before our 33rd Anniversary and, having grown up poor just let him handle the money. Money has always scared me because it never felt like I had enough so I let him handle it. It has been a miserable five months trying to figure everything out and I would suggest everyone get therapy and take a finance course if you don’t get it. The crash course on how to live without you husband and first time you are writing a check is for his funeral expenses is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Thank you both for the Podcast, which I watch on RU-vid, it has been very affirming and educational.

Such an important topic! Having previously worked in Banks, Financial Abuse is alot prevalent than many would assume. Definitely a topic that needs to be talked about more. So good you guys are giving our community a safe space to raise awareness ❤

I really appreciate your channel. I divorced my partner a little over a year ago after being together for 9 years. Your conversation and topics have reduced the social anxiety and fears I have reintroducing myself back into the gay social scene, now in my early 50s. Thank you for that.

Sign up and encourage everyone evolved. Into a group therapy situation. And work with, your friend or loved one. Even your employee/mentor. If such crises, are also being, on too many occasions, brought into the job front. Work together, everybody. Then, next to acknowledging a problem. Team work and togetherness, are some of the best tools, to battle head to head, like this. ✝️

Excellent episode! We may need a part 2? Yes! It was that good!

I so love you boys ❤️❤️❤️ You both exudes transparency and kindness 🫶 Wishing you both a lovely 2nd anniversary 💕 Raising awareness to all watching is give the right direction to be able to seek help 🙏

So happy to see you two covering this topic. It’s not easy, I know.

Keegan and HRH Prince Joel, I think this was the most impactful HappyHealthyHomo podcast to date, in my opinion. I had not considered all the different forms of domestic abuse beyond physical, emotional and sexual. Psychological, financial and revenge porn abuse were somewhat revelatory for me. I can relate to Keegan, being a big, tall man myself. I'm a gentle giant. However, I did earn my Black Belt in Kenpo Karate at the age of 40. Although I'm a gentle giant, I know that I can and will inflict serious physical harm defending myself. Thankfully, I have not been in that situation but physical domestic abuse can happen to anyone. The laws in the USA take into account one using a proportionate level of force in response to a physical assault, as well as engaging in the 'duty to retreat' principle. That is to say, one trained in self-defense should be physically retreating from the situation before using force, if the physical assault happens outside a residence. The "castle doctrine" does not require one to adhere to the 'duty to retreat', if one is in one's own home. I really enjoyed the segment with the Canadian therapist. He provided some cogent thoughts and ideas. The subject of domestic abuse is so expansive that I would love to see it explored every season of this podcast. I could have easily listened to this podcast for another hour, as there was so much ground to cover. I took away from you both that having a network of friends and/or family helps tremendously, as they can help you extricate yourself from such problematic situations. I am intrigued to hear from reformed gay perpetrators of domestic abuse and hear why they did it and how they have been repairing their lives, taking responsibility for their actions and making amends. It is a shame but hurt people hurt others. And most of the time, they hurt the one they purport to love Law enforcement is lagging and lacking in response to gay domestic violence. This give perpetrators more animus and freedom to continue to do what they do knowing that officers of the law tend to give little credence, authority or protection in gay abuse situations. Again, this was a much needed podcast.

Very Timely Episode. I experienced lover abuse once way back in 1985, San Francisco; it sent me to a hypnotherapists, on the sly. On the second session my therapist asked what his name was. Turns out my therapist experienced the same abuse ...FROM THE SAME MAN. I had to call police to have him evicted after I gave him 60 days to get out. He tried to have the last word by showing up unannounced with his new boyfriend demanding his dishes. I had them packed up, and immediately gave them to him, they were left NON-PLUSSED. Joel so sorry you had to give up your Emmerdale excursion, but you must take care of Keegan. Also of note Emmerdale, right now has an abuse storyline, with Tom abusing Belle. Then there is Holly Oaks, there is abuse between sister and brother. Kind of creepy. Thanks again for the episode.

I loved Keegan's comment, "You can't read the label from inside the bottle" was so inspiring and can apply to many situations.

Thank you so much for taking on this topic. Can't wait for all the encouraging and helpful comments. I'm halfway thru, but wanted to say, hope Keegan is recovering well and Joel is getting some rest while nursing him. And to all who've been thru, or are still in, abusive relationships, from another, I'm sending you all warm hugs filled with as much peace and rest and healing as I can. Thank you so much for saying that sexual abuse can happen in a committed relationship/marriage. And highlighting just how damaging psychological and emotional abuse is. This cannot be understated. It's taken me decades to come to understand any of what I've been thru and like Keegan said you cannot read the label when you're in it and when it's family or intimate partner it's that much harder to wrap your head around, but if you add shame or church saying you must put them first and you last, it's a whole other level of lost confused and alone. Can't wait for the rest later today

Keegans comment about himself and how “better” he is now is bang on. My experience is the individual who was the abuser was not secure in them self, struggled to I think to like them self and this translated into abuse ( various types) to the partner almost putting down to try and make themselves feel in power. Complicated.

It's always great to see you guys. In positivity for Keegan to have a full recovery very quickly.😊❤

Important conversation Keegan and Joel, love how you are reaching out into the community on lots of different topics. 👍❤️

What a fine episode, with a ton of good advice and excellent resources provided for what's clearly a more widespread problem than most of us would like to acknowledge. You two always do an excellent job, but this is one of your best. Many thanks!

A great handling of such a heavy and yet so vital topic. I hope you can do break out episodes from topics like this one. Maybe a convo with sometime like the therapist/advocate from Canada. With more voice notes/videos. This one is super close to my heart on many levels having been thru all the abuses you mentioned, and adding things like spiritual abuse to the mix. There's so much I want to say and give you all the appreciation for bringing it up and maybe I'll get a chance to listen again and do so, but for now, one thought. The less power a particular group has, the easier it is to abuse someone in the group, as well as the more difficult it is for that person to get help and our escape that abuse. Hence why women are more likely to be the abused partner in hetero relationships (tho there is some level of non reports due to what you're talking about, it's still not at all 50/50). And the same applies to children, LGBTQIA, and any minority. Which is why episodes like this are so vital and like Brad said I think, there's so much more work to be done in creating support awareness and changing Circumstances so that The frequency and intensity and difficulty of this will Be reduced significantly

Happy Anniversary, Happy Healthy Homo! (And Happy Anniversary to you two! Hard to believe it has been two years already.) Very big topic; necessary to discuss. It is so much more prevalent then most people realize. You make a good point about not recognizing it yourself. Many people have poor opinions of themselves and, in some twisted way, they deserve to be abused. Great discussion. Thank you!

I am reading a book on this very subject. It's by a Dr Ramani Durcasula, the book is titled It's not you. She talks about Narcissistic relationships, and it's no it's just not about women or men in narcissistic relationships, she talks about people within the workplace, bosses and work colleagues, friends, etc even the bloke or woman down the road that you might not have that much to do with. It's for everyone. It's a heavy read but worth it.

Great episode and I would add that one kind of abuse is isolating one's partner from their friends and family. Not sure I heard it mentioned.

I had a roommate, and we were co-dependent. I liked him; more than him me. And I let him use me financially to the point I couldn't leave. It got physical near the end. My friends got me out. After that, I learned my lesson and became weary of anyone asking me for anything. Also, I don't enter relationships until I get to know the guy. I only look for nice guys who I know would never hurt me. Another time, when I first came out and started screwing around, I was raped (once). He got aggressive, and I said, "No," but he forced himself on me.

I like Keegan's socks lol.

You missed one good point. Sometimes abusers, do take ownership of their abuse by apologizing “after an incident”. This works on a person’s psyche, to keep them from leaving. Most effective on individuals with low esteem.

Gay relationships for so many years were "hidden". Look at actors back in the day. Small towns, the south, etc. People were "together" possibly for decades, but always lived separately. Everything was still secret for some people and families. Our they moved in together out of town, away from people they've known their whole lives

So many nose surgeries go bad. Do you have surgery insurance in the case Keegan is incapacitated.

Keegan dismissed an entire group of people when he said "some right wing dickhead." There are lots of conservative gay men, of which iam one. Interesting that a podcast about abuse, contains that line. I have had gay friends and my gay brother scream in my face, storm off and end our relationship because i have a different opinion. That is abuse!