Does Grieving Ever End? Mastering The Waves Of Coping Life Over 60 With Sandra Hart 

My daughter was killed in 1998 at the age of 15. To this day, I struggle in the cereal aisle at the store. The grief never leaves, I've never "gotten over it", and I carry it with me daily...like a backpack.

It never leaves. I lost my son in October 2022. I will never get over it. He is always on my mind and in my heart. It's so true a song, a smell, a favorite food, a sunrise or sunset. Anything can trigger the heartache and I will be in tears for hours. God bless all who are grieving.

Grief settles into our bodies and minds. It changes over time, but you’re right: it never completely goes away.

I am going through grief too.... separation from my ex husband after 20 years..I guess grief is not only when someone passes but when someone that formed a large part of our lives leaves for one reason or another.

“Because that is the way life is.” “Loss is just a part of life.” “We have to be patient with ourselves.” Golden words. You are so genuine and helpful. Thanks.

My mom has been gone 18 years and it still feels like yesterday! Sometimes little things will make you remember and then you feel the grief but when it happens to me I think of some fun times we had and I feel better 😊

We lose our loved ones over time & the pain is always with us. I lost 3 of my 4 brothers, parents, grandparents, aunts & uncles, cousins. I have one 91 yr old brother remaining - visiting with him soon. Thank you for this message today. 😊👍❤

Grief and pain never goes away. I lost my husband 16yrs ago and my only child 10 yrs ago and I'm not over my grief. It never goes away for me. I think of them every day and talk to them.

I lost my mother at 15. I’m 73. Oh yes there are times, even today, when my heart wells up and the tragedy of that sudden loss of her overwhelms me. The tears flow. Therapist have said to me…” there are unresolved issues there”. No. There is still sadness and sorrow but no psychological issues. Just the flood of emotion. ❤

You’re so right, Sandra, grief never leaves us. I’m coming up on the 13th anniversary of the day my husband was killed in a tragic accident. He was only 40, and I’d lost my mother, who was my best friend, in a similar accident only eight months before. It still feels like yesterday. I’m doing better now than I was back then, of course, but grief sits on my shoulder talking to me every single day. I have a whole grief playlist I created that I listen to when I’m missing my husband, but the song that still wrecks me the most is Bettye LaVette’s cover of “Nights in White Satin.” It means something COMPLETELY different to me than the Moody Blues’ version ever did, and it tears me apart every time, tears streaming down my face, but it’s cathartic and also makes me feel better somehow. Sometimes, we just need to have a good cry, don’t we? Much love to you. 💙

I totally agree. I’m happily married but to this day, grieve the loss of my first marriage to my children’s father. Sometimes a song will bring back our life together when they were young, and yes, I still grieve. I adore my current/forever husband but we are both older now. My kids are grown. My X and I are cordial and co-grandparent. . It’s still sad. Just is.

Music has gotten me through my life. The good and the bad. I can get triggered so easily by a song and before you know it I've got tears streaming down my face. I have so much gratitude to have you in my life through these wonderful videos. Thank you for sharing. You are a strong, beautiful woman.

Grief means we had something good in our past. And that shapes us for the future. You are loved and never alone. I so admire you. Thank you for all the beautiful words you spread on this platform for us. Happy Tuesday!

Thank you for your conversation... I just lost my sweet husband after 45 years of marriage. So thoughtful of you to share your experiences and thus helping us so much!❤

I’m scared of being alone one day after so many years of marriage. Thank you for sharing this story Sandra. We love you❤

No grief never leaves us. Anything can trigger it We grow around the grief that we carry with us My husband passed in Oct 2021 The more we love the more we feel our grief Thank you for being real

Happens to me too Sandra. Grief doesn’t end. It changes. Sending you hugs ❤️

Yes grief comes not only when we lose our loved ones but also in separation and also when people you love don't communicate much. Hugs & ❤ to you too. 🙏

Thank you for sharing your experiences with grief. I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 3 yrs. ago. We had been married for over 50 yrs. My grief is a daily thing. I find photos and music are my worst triggers. All the songs we loved to listen to together, photo memories all take me down. I try to stay busy with all the mundane tasks of daily living, and keep in touch with family and friends, but being alone is very difficult now. So, I understand grief, all to well. Take care.

I was so touched by your honest vulnerability, Sandra 😢 By this stage of life, all of us has lost someone… family, friends, spouses, life partners, beloved pets and the list grows each year. If we may keep from losing ourselves in grief, it’s a gift, but it’s just so hard… a sad but valuable conversation… big hug to all of us who are struggling.🖤💔

Grief is all the love we have within . The love we have for our lost loved ones is in our heart forever so maybe the grief is a deep reminder of that love . The wave passes for that moment until they come visit us again through a thought or activity or a song . Have a joyful day Sandra ❤️🌈

In 2016 I lost my beloved husband. When he passed I immediately downloaded more than $100.00 worth of songs. I did this because I didn’t want to be blindsided by hearing the songs in a supermarket or in the office and would become a puddle of tears. Music was such a big part of our life. We were dancers. The hold is left in your heart never ever goes away. What we do is humans as we learn to live with that whole. To this day, a song can move me to tears. It’s simply shows that we’re human. And we’re good humans.❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Yes, it never really goes away. When I get hit with it over the loss of my father and brother, I lay it at the foot of the Cross. I turn to my Heavenly Father for comfort in my grief. He always comforts me. I love you, Sandra. Prayers for your hurting heart! 😍

I can relate. 21 years ago my fiancé, now my husband of 20 years had suffered a TBI. I feel in my soul that I buried the man that I was to marry the man I am with now, is a reflection of who he used to be, I am very grateful to God that he survived his accident and we were able to marry and raise our son together. But there is loss.

Today marks the 18th year of my son’s death. He died at 19. So many lost birthdays, wedding day and many others. Thank you Sandra.

Just found you today--right after you made this video. There's no doubt God orchestrated this rendezvous for me. It's been 13 years since my soul mate husband passed ... And I get triggers even now that come unexpectedly and I wonder "will this ever end?" At 74, I wonder too if there's still a purpose for me. You've encouraged me very much, Sandra. Thank you for following God's lead in this. Blessings

You are inspirational in your resilience and it will benefit so many people myself included - thank you for sharing Sandra ❤

I have had a lot of death in my life and can say that the 'waves of grief' lessens in time. At a certain point, it turns from grief to happy memories and becomes very small as our current life continues to fill in the gaps. I hope you continue healing Sandra. ♥ Elle

So true Sandra. I lost my wife 16yrs ago. You learn to live with it but never forget.

What an excellent conversation Sandra. You are comfort to myself and many others.

As soon as you started talking,Sandra,I started crying.I've never been able to move on from loss.I didn't come out of my daze for 10 years after one in particular. Lots of therapy. It helped me to understand that those moments are normal. Hearing a song. Ordering a specific drink in a restaurant. The sudden panic. A friend told me the pain never goes away,you just get used to it.Another told me that it doesn't matter how much you cry or how sick you make yourself, it won't bring them back. Both true. Thank you for this video. ❤

Its worse when one has no family no friends and I’m housebound

I found you through an older video yesterday evening and so I had completely missed the fact that your husband passed away since then. I'm sorry for both your losses. I'm 29 and I can't even imagine losing my husband. My ex passed away years ago (he was also mentally ill, sought help but kept struggling, but I also fell for that beautiful person he COULD be) and last night I dreamt about him and I cried and cried in this dream and woke up so sad. He was there, in the dream, so I could be with him for a little while. Someone said they think these dreams are him visiting me.

Tears are healing. Grief is a scab on a wound that never completely heals (quote from Rose Kennedy). Its something we learn to live with - not get over. A smell, music, a photo, a sound - all things that can trigger grief. Be kind to yourself - its the lonely times that make it the hardest. We love you Sandra - God bless.

You are so right Sandra. Grief never does leave us. I lost my father suddenly and unexpectedly when I was 9 years old, I’ll be 38 this year and it still hurts

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with grief. It certainly doesn’t leave us, but neither does the love we felt for those we grieve. Grief is the price we pay for loving someone, but we’d do it all again even if we knew the price. Sending you a huge hug. I hope it reaches you.

We are always with you Sandra. Never feel alone❤ you inspire me to gain new hope every time, God bless!

Grief is never linear and it has many ups and downs and the whole DABDA - denial anger bargaining depression and acceptance doesn’t happen in that exact sequence and order - it can go back and forth many times over many years. Definitely a learn to live with kinda thing that mostly lessens over time and over new experiences - don’t let it ever cement you in it though, no one deserves that kind of standstill.

So true Sandra!!! Sometimes I’ll wake up sobbing from deep sleep missing my husband. We were together53 years. I lost my husband just before you lost Arthur. I have days that I do ok than I have days that the tears come on me and I’m so sad. I try to stay busy but my husband and I was young together, grew old together, raised our children together. Our life’s have always been connected. He alway came home every night, I could alway count on him for everything. He was my rock. The last time he came home from work he was limping. I said why are you limping, where did you get the cane? He said I got the cane from the garage. I said sit down and I’ll cut up some oranges I think your having a sugar drop. He ate the oranges and I said maybe we should go to the ER and have you checked out! So I took him to the ER they was checking him out. They put him in a they gave him 3 forms of meds and it stopped his heart. They got his heart started his heart again but I never heard his voice again. They killed his brain. He was ICU for over 100 days and he couldn’t breath on his own, kidneys failed , legs turned blue. So I signed a paper and our family set him free. Oh my gosh I miss him so much every day!!! He was such a beautiful man that I loved with all my heart❤️❤️❤️

It’s been nine years since my dad pass away and till this day my mom talks about him. My dad will always be the love of mom’s life and she always tells me when it’s her time to go don’t be sad because she will be with my dad. ❤️🌺

You cannot imagine how happy I was to discover you in RU-vid. Your gentle nature and upbeat demeanor lift my spirit. Thank you Sandra, I appreciate you. Sending light and love on this rainy New Hampshire morning.

Grief is part of our Quilt of Life. Everyone is so right, its part of us. I lost my husband by brain cancer, he was 56. Now after 9 years, Iv come to, in a strange way, to appreciate it. I never thot Id say that. But itnis a depth of love within us to feel that deeply. It will wrap around me and i fall into the waves that come, and then i remember how lucky i was. Thank you Sandra and all. So Beautiful 🙌🌹

When a love song is played on the radio the words and melody go straight to my heart. I can be home alone or driving when wham! a song about love lost... and I lose it. I am accepting it as part of my life now, two and a half years after losing my wonderful husband. I so appreciate your bringing up your feelings Sandra,touching so many of us,sharing our individual pain,but also reaching out to our community. I'm busy, reinventing myself, getting love and pleasure and support from family and friends, and grieving...May we all go forward, stronger, loving this miracle called LIFE.

Thank you for sharing this topic. Grief has not been stair steps for me, but a zig-zagged path. You are right, grief does shape us, and makes us more relatable to others. ~ Belinda🌺🌺🌺

Sandra, thank you so much for sharing your experience. I know a precious young woman (early 40’s) who recently became a widow-I shared this videos with her in the hope that she will explore your channel. You are such a precious blessing to me and to so many others…!!! In your lifetime, you have most certainly experienced far more than your share of troubles-the fact that you choose to share your experiences in our virtual community speaks volumes about who you are. Sending you prayers, love and the hope of peace as you continue to navigate each day after the loss of your husband. How special you are and how fortunate I am to call you my friend…💝🌸

Hello Sandra. Love listening to you. I don't see many men 69 years old (widowers) writing but I am one. I lost my wife 6 years ago to cancer after being together 46 years. The pain never goes away, and I love her now as I did when we were together.

Thank you for sharing this with us Sandra, so many times I wonder if it's just Me stuck in cycles of grief ... it is my Moms passing over 20 years now but sometimes 😢 I feel as if it just happened

Very wonderful and centrally important topic, Sandra. I am a retired chiropractor and I began a practice some time ago when I crossed the fifty-year mark which I call my "Grieving Practice". Let us imagine that there are four possible general responses to Grief: 1) To Disallow Grief. 2) To Repeatedly Disallow Grief. 3) To Allow Grief. 3) To Repeatedly Allow Grief. I think that it is normal to disallow grief at times. If we repeatedly disallow grief, then like any other disallowed emotion, we might find ourselves weighted down by it for far longer than is beneficial to us. Grief is an emotion, like any other. It courses through us, just as joy or anger or any other emotion. Though it is not an easy emotion to allow yourself to feel, like all emotions, one way or another, it will make itself felt. Once per month or once per week or whenever I feel it is time, I place myself in a private space with perhaps a towel and some disposal paper towels and I deploy a "Trigger", such as a piece or pieces of music or a word spoken over and over again or simply a replayed memory or set of memories. Video can be good, also, such as a youtube clip of the last few minutes of the Titanic film. At first, after many years of repeatedly disallowing grief in my life, I was kind of numb and hardly felt a thing. But with repeated sessions, I began to sort of whimper at first, then gradually cry fully and experience racking sobs arising from my solar plexus. Occasionally one even experiences a literal howl of grief, which makes me wonder if that was what Ginsberg was thinking of when he wrote the poem "Howl". Grieving can be very difficult. Sometimes, after a particularly deep session of grieving, I have to more or less rest the entire day. The next day, though, I feel so much better and it feels as though a weight has been removed from the physical core of my body. It's like I experienced the mother of all defecations. (I think, by the way, that grieving and defecation are probably related). Behind the Grief, there lies the most exquisite sensitivity and awareness and nothing but the deepest love for myself and all of mankind and life itself. I have learned so much from my grieving practice. The reason I disallowed grief for so many years is that I feared it would be fatal or that it would be infinite. I now believe that grief is neither fatal nor infinite. I see now that life itself is 49% suffering and 51% the heroic triumph over suffering. I deploy those specific numbers to point to some important truths. Have a wonderful day...........

I am crying watching this video feeling the love radiating from my screen of a very wise woman from her years. I miss my grandma and wish I could still talk to her. My grandparents had over 50 years of marriage before they finally went home to the Lord. I just got married to the love of my life and wish so badly that they could have met him. We serve a merciful God that has blessed us with marriage and unifying in one with our spouse. God bless you, my sister in Christ. I look forward to meeting you one day. ❤

There is an old Japanese art form called Kintsugi. They take the broken pieces of an old vase or plate, fit the pieces back in place and line the cracks with gold lacquer resulting in a beautiful object. This represent all of the difficult times in ones life which never leaves us ,but becomes part of us, resulting in a life lived to it's fullest and accepting all of its parts. Your video reminded me of this teaching that was offered to me many, many years ago during my Eastern studies. Thank you for the lovely reminder!

Thank you for sharing your truth. My beloved husband‘s death five years ago, created a deep wound within me . Every now and then I have tremendous waves of grief come over me . When I hear women speak harshly to their partner, it really bothers me. I want so badly to say that man you don’t want someone else would love to have .I think of the regret they’ll have if that husband was to pass .I thank God that a few days before my husband passed away from cancer I looked deeply into his eyes and told him how much I loved him. And I cherish his words back to me. Nothing prepares you for the finality of it. It leaves a hole in your soul. All in all, I am grateful for the years we had. Thank you for sharing your beautiful Content. I appreciate your authenticity and your intentionality. You refresh my soul.

Hi Sandra, I really do appreciate your videos. It's wonderful to have someone "mature" speaking about real life! One of my observations is that people who have friends & family are usually the ones telling us "remember you are never alone", when that is not always the case. There are many of us w/o family & friends that we can call during the grieving process. I recently lost my dog. I had no one to call. There were moments when I didn't think I would make it. I'm doing better now, I hope.

Wonderful,. You are also loved💕 by your viewers. God bless 🔆‼️💯

I'm grieving, too. It's just under the surface, always in my mind. It helps to know that you're going through the same feelings. Thank. you.

Thank you! Grief never goes away. You learn to stand strong & move on. You never forget. June 20th my David will be gone 2 yrs. It’s so fresh & new but God holds me up to move forward. HE turn me to your video & gives me encouragement. Alicia Jean’nette from Arkansas We have to be gentle ❤️🙏

True, grief never goes away. I can testify to that. I was 23 and pregnant when my husband died. He was only 25. And, now I'm 75, And, honestly not a day goes by that I don't think about him. He has lived all those years in my heart and soul. But, yes, life goes on, Life's little problems keeps me distracted and busy. My daughter has been a joy, I have grown grandsons, Life goes on; but, we never forget. I'm sure it was sad for you loosing a husband to illness at a relatively young age. And, Arthur, your husband, you had for so many years, That, too, would be difficult after building all those memories.

I just received my youngest brother's ashes this morning and your video really spoke to my heart. Difficult days are in the future, but I know that with time the pain will ease. This is definitely the hardest part of life, but I am so grateful to have my special memories of him. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experiences. Sending love❤

Thank you Sandra for this video. Grief never leaves you it’s within and becomes part of us. I lost my Mom , my first baby grandson and last week my best friend in the world. And when my tears started all the combined grief came up again.

OH Sandra, I know how you feel. After losing my brother, sister, mother father, and ex husband of my children committing suicide, the grief never ever goes away. And sometimes we suppress it so much we don't realize it's affecting our life. This past Christmas night something set off emotions that led me to a severe panic attack, something I've never had before. That night has since left me with anxiety so bad I've had to start seeing a therapist and take medication for the daily anxiety. Grief can be triggered by the smallest thing but we just sort of push it away in our mind to get through life. I'm learning through therapy that we MUST face that grief and let it come out or it can really mess with our mind and body. I'm so sorry you experienced what you did, it is painful. I sincerely hope you're able to get through life dealing with your grief as successfully as you can. I'm finding out through therapy that living alone intensifies feelings of grief and/or loneliness, it's not an easy road to travel. Sending love and hugs! ❤

Dear Sandra I think its a chord that triggers memories. Its amazing that we can almost touch the emotions we experienced. Lovely explanation. Transcending these moments makes us understand what we cherished.

I adore you Sandra. 🥰 Memories can be so strong. We think they are tucked away, or even forgotten. Songs are magical in how they can move us at different times. Life would not be worth living, to me, without music. Carry on Miss Sandra - we are grateful that you do! 🌷🌼

Thank you so much for this message. I was crying with grief over the loss of my Mom this morning. It was so perfect that this message popped up. ❤

Last Saturday, I participated with my church at the DC Capital Pride Parade. We waved, smiled, shared happiness and love with many many many people on the parade route. People need happiness and love. It helped with a private heart break_grief. The heart chest is not hurting. Arthur is still comforting and protecting Sandra in Spirit. ❤

Thank you so much Sandra. I check in every now and then. You never fail to influence me in an uplifting way. Sometimes it seems that people are so slick and glib. What they say makes sense intellectually but doesn't always reach my heart. I so appreciate you.

I love that song...I am sorry that happened to you. I lost my only sibling April 17th. He was 53. It's difficult but I am worried about my mom. I can't imagine the grief of losing a child..... take care!

Embrace our grief. Look after it. Yes it's only in our nature to grieve. Thanks for sharing the love. Thanks from Australia.

I have always believed grief is a reaction to love not being able to be shared at that moment with the person or pet that is gone. Certain memories trigger - for me - my birthday - not hearing that morning call from my mom , 9-11 - not being able to hear my dads voice to reassure me ( he was in pa - I was in fl at the time ) and every year on 9-11 I grieve for him most. Certain pets that would swim with me or sleep w me during storms. My loss and grief still are there yrs later. That love shared w them is a loving memory- but it isn’t physical anymore. Grief is just the feeling of loss of the love shared. And once I move past that moment ( with others ) I am ok. But I find it still hits me on occasion and I don’t fear it anymore because it means we loved well ❤

Thank you Sandra! You always brings hope and love ❤️ for people with your graciousness! You are such a role model for all of us!🌹

So true, i lost my loved one, two years now, i get triggers often, and you are so right grief is always with us, may peace be with all of us that lost a loved one.

Hi Sandra, you are not alone,thanks for sharing, grief will always be with us because we are human and it's part of life,but facing our grief by being in constant prayers, helping others and knowing that it will get less as times go by, I lost my daughter in 1999 and sometimes if I hear a song that she used to love or even see on the news the death of a young person it causes me to cry but I just start to pray for the other grieving families and it just lifted my spirit to let me know I'm not alone and God is in control of every emotions that I will face, it's not easy at times, but day by day it can be more bearable, may God continue to bless and keep you, give you strength and peace, for all who are going through grief, God is our strength, blessings to you Sandra, thanks for sharing ❤❤❤❤❤

Thank you for sharing this Sandra.

You're such a blessing, dear Sandra. My grief has been so heavy lately.. so heavy that most days I feel like I can't even get up off of the floor. But you inspire me and you help us. Thank you for helping us through another day. You are a comfort to me.

Thanks Sandra for sharing this great video ❤

Never leaves. I just learn to live with it. A hole that is there forever. Even good times are difficult because you wish they could share them with you. Life changes and, so do you. I am definitely not the person I used to be. That deep inner joy, peace is gone. My guy that always had my back isn't there anymore. Carry on I will but, life is definitely different!

Whew! Thank you for sharing this beautiful video.

About two years after my Mom's death at 47, late one evening, I came home from a party. The door shut and suddenly I burst into tears and cried harder than I ever had for my Mom. It came out of the blue and hit like a hurricane. It lasted about an hour and I sat and talked to her and asked "why?" The next day I realized that I had never cried that hard but it had been waiting all that time. It was a relief to release the pain and be able to move forward with a lighter heart. Thank you, Sandra, for reminding me that I survived that and went on.....love to you!

Thanks for this video Sandra. Many blessings to you. 💜

You made me cry. This is so beautiful

Thank you Sandra. You are a gift. ♥♥♥

Oh how true! In my “Grief Share” group this was called an ambush. Normal, yes, but definitely arriving at unexpected times. Thank you for sharing some of your difficult experiences in dealing with grief. It helps very much.

Sandra, this was beautiful. You're right. Recognizing that grief sometimes ambushes us prepares us to deal with it when it comes, so we won't be stopped and can keep moving forward. Thank you for sharing that strong and stoic are not the same. We appreciate everything about you and we send our love to support you on your journey.

So true grief never leaves us. A smell, music, or a memory or everything can bring it all back. 🙏🏾🙏🏾

So thought filled. Thank you.

Sandra, you have no idea how I have been grieving over the passing of my mom a year and a half ago. It does hit in waves and then subsides. Thank you for sharing your wave of grief yesterday. It really helps to know we are not alone. I appreciate your encouragement more than I can say. I am sure you have touched many with your sharing.

Prayers for your heavy heart . Big hugs !! 💕

I saw this quote that said “grief is love that has no place to go” it changed my perspective of it.

This was touching and timely for me. Thankyou for your presence.

Thank you for sharing this I really appreciate everything you talk about.

Sandra grief never leaves one’s feelings but life must go on. You are right. It’s not easy though to accept grief. Time does heal though. Your video referring to “The Chair” was a perfect way to describe your grief. You brought tears to my eyes it was a touching video Until next week take care. See you next Tuesday ❤😘

Thank you for your authenticity, wisdom, and experience. Shares like this are jewels. ❤

You are a gift. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. ♥️

Much love to you Sandra. Thank you for your words. ❤❤❤

What a beautiful message. I feel it in my core. Very wise and so true.❤

Love this video ! May you have abundant Joy today ! You really ate a beautiful and radiant woman !

Sandra I am loving all your videos you are truly amazing and your honesty is much needed in this world 💖

Sandra your message has helped me so much today 💓 xxx

Thank you for your videos! They give me courage and love for life. My best wishes!

I am sorry for your lost Sandra and Thanks for sharing this topic it touched my heart

Sending much love to you Sandra... and please know, that you are loved💖

Thank you for your honesty Sandra. You are a humble and loving person.