Dr. Becky Kennedy: Wire Your Children for Resilience 

“You can’t learn to regulate a feeling you don’t allow yourself to have” (Dr. BK) “They’re tiny adults or we’re giant children” (MB) “Sometimes is in the language”(JC). No one is born taught how to be a parent. It’s the most difficult, rewarding, exhausting, wonderful, hardest, terrifying & lovely thing to do in a lifetime. You never end to be nor end to learn how to be a parent in your life, even when your kids are grown ones & parents themselves. So the things we can learn from Mayim, Jonathan & Dr Kennedy interactions here are FABULOUS. With a great dose of humbliness, is a kind of our “continuing education”! Word of a mom & recent grandmom! Thank you! 💜

Not gonna lie I started watching this with little to no expectations and NOT because I don’t appreciate the podcast and this guest, but because i’m 23 and i’m not a mother nor do I plan on being one any time soon, so after reading the title I just thought “Uhm maybe this is not for me” but IT WAS FOR ME. It really helped me to reflect upon some of my interactions with my mother and brother growing up and it gave me a lot to think about. So here I am leaving my biggest comment yet on an episode I didn’t think I was going to relate. Once again, thank you for this! Loved hearing what Dr. Becky had to say and as usual loved listening to Mayim and Jonathan on my lunch break ! lol Lots of love from Brazil 💚💛

Thank you so much for having Dr. Becky Kennedy. The guests that you have on this podcast are wonderful. I gave this video a thumbs up Mayim!

We’re good people having a tough time, not bad people being bad.

The best thing my dad ever said to me was, “That’s the most natural thing in the world.” I was 16. I had shared something that made my mom drop her head to the table. There were consequences and they were clear they didn’t want it to happen again. But in that moment, feeling I’d made my mom the saddest I’d ever seen her, my dad removed any moral judgement. It was huge. Thanks, Pops!

The way you raise and interact with your kids is exactly the way you lead people if teamworking, coaching sports or managing. My recipe: a good mix of enough humbliness to aknowledge you’re not perfect nor know all, natural wisdom to learn to embody your authority (As Dr. Kennedy says), resilience, empathy, big doses of patience, good sense of humor and lots of LOVE. In caps. Such a great episode again. Even for those who are not nor plan to be parents. Teachings for daily life. For everybody. That’s what this podcast is! Thanks! 🫶🏽

This has been one of my favourite podcasts on this channel. My kids are grown and have forgiven me it seems for my lack of insight, though at the time I believed I had insight. These strategies, as mentioned, work universally and I will put them to use now. Thank you. 🇨🇦

You need another hour with her! Such a great episode! Thank you for this!

Great interview! When my son was about 14 months old I was introduced to Positive Discipline, which really worked for my neurodivergent son. Time outs were time for both he and I to have some quiet time (separately) in a safe and comfortable place. They were not about punishment, but about calming a discombobulated system. I learned to look beneath the behavior and address what was contributing to his dysregulation, and finally realized when he was overtired or overstimulated he couldn’t calm down without help. A favorite tip is when a child has made something or drawn something, instead of assuming I know what it is, to simply ask them to tell me about it. Curiosity questions are great.

This spoke to exactly what I instinctively feel to be true about parenting. Thank you for this. I totally resonate with what she says about the mindset we bring to parenting...how we view our kids is more important than anything.

Loved this episode ! All makes so much sense!!! We are broken adults that need help so we can raise our kids! 🧡💛💚🧡🧡💚💞💞💞💞

When I became a mom, I had no idea at all because my parents and their parents believed in tough love and superstitions. I always tell myself that my son will not experience what I experienced when I was a kid. I always validate his emotions, asking him if he's okay, If he's hurt, I will ask him if he's okay or not. It just feels so good to give and make him feel everything I never had before.

Mayim, this is the BEST interview ever ❤ I love Dr. Becky. She’s helping break cycles .

As a neuroscientist and a mom of 3, I deeply respect the work of Dr. Kennedy. I think a great follow-up to this would be about emotion regulation skills. Learning this in early childhood has a protective factor for our mental health in adulthood and a large part of how we develop these skills is how our parents model this. I would love to chat with you about this! :) Thanks for sharing your knowledge and conversations with us.

Her insight of maybe what children really question in life is "Am I real?" or "Is this real?" is soo profound cause I think I feel that in my life too. I need to ponder more on this... Thanks Dr. Kennedy, Mayim, and Jonathan for this episode!

Thanks guys! I wish I listened to this 18 years ago! Great advice for parents of kids young and old!! Loves ya two so much!! 💗

We all needed all of this, thank you for talking about the hard things

Great interview! She’s very sharp! Thank you for sharing.

Love Jonathan’s input every time. Such great points. We all are so tired that it can feel like getting to the next thing is essential, but having the richness of the conversation we missed can be so nourishing. In the short and long term we’re all better for it. This was a wonderful episode 🙏

About what to say when your kid shows you their art, I like to ask my 4 year old "what is your favourite part of it?" Or "what was your favourite part of making it?" His answers are always really interesting and so unique to him.

I truly enjoy the way Dr. Becky Kennedy speaks and explains her thoughts. very engaging episode! I dont plan to have children personally but the idea of aiding children with their emotions and mental health they way we do adults but in a pj way is brilliant. obviously children need to learn the basics but this world is so hurt and damaged that the "basics" needed aren't the same as they were even 10 years ago. Children are people!

when mayim was speaking about the "you're fine!" part. I felt this to my core but surrounding my mother's passing! I was 12 and EVERYONE was just saying "it's going to be okay, you're okay".. but like I wasn't! and it made it feel like being sad and crying about it was wrong because "I'm fine!" so why would I cry.. and now 17 years later I'm STILL processing her passing and still feel uncomfortable/shameful crying about missing her. it's an awful tight chest knot in the throat kind of feeling.

I loved this episode, and I neither have children nor will have them, although I was a nanny for several years. I’d especially love to hear her talk more about reparenting ourselves, if you could ever have her back.

Ok my parents did it wrong and so did I. And I've still been doing it wrong as I raise my grandkids. I need to shut up and validate and listen more. Thank you!

You can’t learn to regulate a feeling you don’t allow yourself to have… wow!

Absolutely love this podcast and it helps me through so much in my life

A couple topics I would love to see more context on from this episode: 1.) The term "helicopter moms" and why it's so toxic. There are parents who have overprotective parenting patterns because of their reaction to past trauma that they experienced and the shame society projects onto them compounds the trauma. 2.) More context to how parents can regulate their emotions in high conflict situations in relation to parents who have sleep deprivation and no time for themselves. We might all be in the same storm, but some of us are in yachts and some of us are in rowboat. It's a lot easier to take a nap on a yacht than it is in a leaking rowboat. Amazing and insightful episode. Looking forward to reading more from Dr. Kennedy.

Posting under my husbands profile: A fabulous interview! So insightful. I just wish more of this modern research filtered down into the early years training. So often in the early years environments I have heard "you're fine" "that child is so naughty", and "stop crying". It hurts my heart to see children treated this way by 'professionals'. Some are excellent practitioners because they search for information, they read the books, but the training provided only hits on the basics. I will say though, one thing that is shining through now in terms of what is deemed 'good practice' is the importance of observation, encouraging the child to play around you, and not interfering in their play which used to be common. There is a need in us as adults to entertain, to react, to facilitate, to play. It is hard to sit back, to observe and ultimately to understand that a child does not need our narrative, as you said Mayim. Excellent, excellent points and I can't wait to watch another.

Firstly Mayim, I love you! I'm such a fan ever since childhood! Second your podcast brings so such joy and learning to my life. What Dr Kennedy teaches and talks about here is applicable to every person. I don't have kids and I will probably never be a parent but I find so much healing in listening to parenting podcasts and this one in particular had so many easy to digest truths

Being treated and thought of as a bad child doing bad things is exactly my beef with my parents. My mind is blown when I think of how different I would feel and be if I had been treated like a good kid having a hard time. 🤯 I automatically know what to do next. 👍🏻

Such a brilliant interview

Internal Family System and parts work is so interesting and I always feel like I take so much away from hearing from that perspective! “Insight can bring awareness and awareness can lead to action and action can lead to change.” Wow 🙌🏻

This video has clarified so many things in my mind and I wish many more people can watch this. Unfortunately not everyone is willing to learn to be a better parent and instead they think what they are doing is good enough.

Wow this was great!! Thank you for interviewing Dr Becky. I don't have children, but I have several friends with children. But also for myself, I am getting that book!! Great work guys!!!

Thank You, Mayim !! I'm 66 & still learning.. I love your podcast. You & John &your guests have helped me more then you know,, especially when the Rabi was on greif, my husband was killed in a car accident On October 3 & I'm trying to survive & your show helps.❤️

The most amazing podcast episode ever!!!

Wow! Not a parent so first I leaped over this one. I love every episode of this podcast, but this one ended up touching me most. For my own feelings and for me to engage with my loved ones and to apply in my work as well. Thank you 😘

Thank you for sharing and putting Dr Becky's work in front of more people! The part that moves me the most is that this is good human-ing advice for all! Neurotypicals and neurodivergents alike. Adults and children! It's good for us all!

The way I am READYYY to apply these principles in the workplace for my coworkers 😂

Idk abt u but Mayim's voice is so relaxing to hear

I love this so much! As a parent Educator, I teach parents about emotions and how they can affect us without knowing and how our responses to children are affected as well. I am a registered Circle of Security Parenting Facilitator and am so in love with what I do! These topics are so important to learn not just for our children, but for healthy relationships in general. But of course it starts with our children and helping them learn what positive relationships are like! I can go on forever about this topic! I want to share this type of information with the world! Thank you for doing that!!

I am so glad I clicked on this video, its so true I am only an auntie not a parent yet, growing up I had parents who would often not get along my father blaming my mother for everything, eventhough she tried to be a loyal and supportive wife, then my father along with his father and sister planned to enrol my two eldest sisters into a school in Pakistan, they stayed in Pakistan for 2 years, when they came back they first showed some aggressive behaviour and looking down on me and my brother because we were young something our fathers sister and her eldest daughter did to young kids. I finished kindergarten and my mother enrolled me in a local elementary school. But than we had ti move to England, which I didn't know about it and my father was very secretive even when we settled into England. That's why I developed to be more open and honest with my neice and future children. There is a long life story and I'm not going to write everything down in this comment

Thank you for mentioning that this is applicable to neurodivergent children as well 💕

One of my parenting philosophies is … I’m raising future adults.

I love MB! She is such a wealth of info and love her content!!

Omg I love this! This alignes with what I practice in the classroom which is conscious discipline. Love all this information out there for parents!

THANK YOU FOR THIS 🙌🏿🙌🏿🙌🏿🙌🏿🙌🏿

I have listened to most of your other podcasts but put this one off because my kids are grown but I got so much from this!! Now I have to go back and apologize and talk to my children for trying to divert their feelings instead of recognizing them. Thank you again Mayim and Jonathan for all you are doing with this podcast.

cannot wait to watch! favorite day of the week ❤

Valuable! Thank you, not even a parent - I had someone say, “well you wouldn’t know bc you were never chosen”. That’s not actually true, we can learn from any walk of life. Again, thank you.

I would LOVE an in-depth breakdown of OCD for children. My son has what I think (from what research I have done) is OCD - he has compulsions and rituals he has to perform. Mayim, I know you have experience in this topic. Please do something on OCD and how children can cope with it. Thanks. Much love from South Africa.

This made me so very happy to hear, thank you a million times. I’ve learned and am still trying to learn as much as I can to be a good parent to my only child, one who will not have the same issues I do. Started following Dr. Becky because while I know some of these techniques and try to align to RIE, it’s always great to have more resources. Hearing Jonathan talk about what is required when dealing with a 2 year old literally made my year 😅. I’ve somehow managed not to lose my Stuff but it it So hard some days and it really helped me feel less alone, and normal. ❤love you both so much

Mayim I love your heart for children. ❤

Loved this one! I love Jewel and was so excited to hear her- but this one felt so practical and helpful as a solo parent of a toddler who sometimes loses my cool.

Oh yay, I'm excited for this!!!

I'm currently listening as a neurodivergent person and teacher of neurodivergent kids. Behaviorism is still the go-to ""treatment"" in professional childcare and parenting. I also work with kids that use a lot of delayed echolalia. I hear A LOT of "you're fine you're fine" from kids when they start getting activated/upset. They are repeating it aloud because it's what they hear at home and school when they're having those big visible feelings that come with *not * being fine. Let's. be sure to specifically apply this knowledge to ND kids as well.

Thank you!❤

23:29 yes, yes, yes! I completely agree and had this conversation with someone important in my life recently.

This is such a great interview. I would love to see Mayim interview Mr. Chazz Mr. Chazz as well. The male perspective is so rarely seen in parenting circles, and gentle parenting is such a counter-intuitive approach for so many in the Black community. I would love to see an interview with him.

Hi Mayim, Thank you for having intelligent conversations about everyday problems, and trying in a way to find solutions to share with all of us. I loved the conversation with Dr. Kennedy. My daughter is 10, and although I never experience the jealousy tantrums, as she is the only child, ever since we moved to a new country, I can see the moments of anger flourishing more and more. So this conversation was very good to improve the way I remove consequences in our daily conversations. I also would like to ask I may, if you could please tap into more subjects related to girls development. (I know Mayim only has boys, but please get challenge by the subject 😉) When hormones start kicking how do we prepare our little ones for their period, and the emotions, and all the products that seem new and good, like period pantys, and cups... but first time users???? for example...

This was a great episode with an awesome guest. Will there be any promo codes for Dr Beckys membership?

Great show

Since my toddler was a few months old, I started noticing when he got frustrated from falling or hitting something , that if I acknowledged what happened and stopped to explain him how was it (for example: “you hit your head right here on this wood on the top of the table when you stood up, look, right here, you did like “pah!”. When you lift, like up, you’d better watch for your head, do not stand up, just crawl, so you don’t get hurt) He would immediately stop crying and pay attention, his face would become more relaxed from understanding what happened. I realised sometimes things happen so quickly, that they don’t have enough information to process how exactly that happened, and that can be very scary. So from doing that all the time, he started trusting me more everytime he felt or something like that. And also, he started taking more calculated risks. One day at a park he tripped and felt. A stranger ran immediately to help, because he was screaming hard. The stranger was looking at me like: aren’t you going to do something to soothe him?? And started saying: “it was nothing! That was nothing!!” Trying to minimize so he would stop crying, when in fact he was the hell scared wondering if he got seriously hurt. But I was just waiting until his first energy burst was over, because I knew he would look at me waiting for an explanation. And so he did. He starred at me, stopped crying to listen, and I said calmly while pointing: “you tripped on that metal lid that is a little bit opened” and waited to see what he would do next. Of course he hadn’t seen the metal lid pointing a little bit out of the floor. He immediately stopped crying and was relieved like: “oh, ok, thanks god it was just that. All right I’ll go back to play.” Got of my leap and just went back to play, really happy and excited. The lady was looking at me so surprised and intrigued from what she had just seen. He was only a 16 months baby at that time, would speak about only 10 words, but how did he understand that??? That day I understood how important it is to connect to your child on a deep level, on trying to understand what is really going on in order to HELP and not only manage or manipulate to get the outcomes you think are correct.

Love the indepth information here...I try to remind myself when I get angry...my kiddos have feelings too. And they are still learning about their own feelings. I'm not perfect by any means. I'm just trying to do the best I can. Ya, sometimes my 5 year old just wants to be a butt. Smh 🤪

This was absolutely life-changing for me. Thank you so much. I'm not sure if you're taking suggestions, but I think that you would have a really great time with Mercury Stardust on this podcast 😊

Rewatching with a notebook and pen right now

wow, even Blossom has a YT channel now - good for yee, great episode btw.

More parenting episodes please

Yay! Another episode. I've not been disappointed yet...

I think it depends on WHY a child is given a time-out. If it’s punishment, then it won’t be very effective. But if it’s used as a time to remove the child from the frustrating situation, teach them how to cam their sensory system down, and get to a place that they can genuinely apologize, then I’ve found it to be very effective. I always take a time out when I’m angry. We teach our kids that it’s a good thing to do so that we don’t hurt others with our angry emotions, and give our bodies time to calm down before addressing the situation.

some good points

Please talk someday about anger management, I would love to hear about that, I live in México in a really small city and also in a country that thinks that this stuff doesn't matter. I am having access to all of this thanks to you, so please, and thank you, I love your channel

Nailed it. T/O’s were more for our folks’ generation…to pause before beating the ever-living shiii commenced That being said, I reveled in t/o & was very content to their utter dismay, vicious cycle

Hi Mayim!! Love your show!! Just FYI: I'm signing up for BetterHelp, and you're not on the list of RU-vidrs for some reason. Of course I'd like for you to get credit for it. 😊

Am I real = Am I normal = Do I belong = Am I safe = Am I connected in safety & love

I need more info on how to implement this type parenting on a teenager after you have done it all wrong for the 17 years of life... basically reprogramming the relationship and upbringing!

Have a good day

Mayim, if she's not already on your list i would love to hear your conversation with the author of Mother Hunger

How do you create a new circuit? That’s my problem. I recognize I need to break my habit/ circuit, but as much as have a desire I don’t know how, or what I replace it with!!

When I tried to understand what my kid was feeling behind his poor choices, my husband said I was giving him a way out by putting words in his mouth. Ex: I’d ask “why did you push that kid?” He responds “I don’t know”. And never answers. I start asking, “were you trying to play and got carried away or were you mad at him for something?” Then my son would answer from the choices I presumed was the underlying feelings. I agree I don’t want to put words in his mouth or give him a way out, but how do you approach this situation for finding out the why behind the behavior to be able to help him?

I wonder if this could have helped me with my nursing home patients. But I wasn’t able to handle the behaviors and fighting with the patients with dementia. The problems seem similar.

I thought I shouldn't watch this cause I'm not a parent...... but learning the struggles of my parents is nice.... I'm also 33.... and it makes a lot of sense

I wonder if time-outs are a part of why I as an adult find sitting down to meditate so distressing

Question for the community and Mayim and Johnathon - My daughter is 4 years old, and I have a 2 month old - is it too late to help my daughter ? It seems like most experts say that she is too old for me to fix the mistakes I have made by not using this better parenting method …

Does she have classes for those of us who are raising our nieces & nephews, who came to us in the teenage years.... I'm raising my niece, who came to me at 14 who's parents are addicts. Oh, and her mother just passed away.

What does she mean when she talks about waking up to red light and green light

At 25 minutes. I honestly fell that you gotta adjust your eye of the beholder when it comes to children crying and and parents saying “it’s just fine don’t worry about it”. Try to look though the eyes of your children.

Please Please Please tell us parents of early to mid teens that it's not too late for these strategies. I've said and behaved in ways so contrary to what you are educating us on, in the name of thinking it was the "right" way to parent or teach, or the correct lesson, etc etc,

My parents,” Sit down or else you’ll get five across the eyes !”

This was a good discussion, and reinforced my desire to never have children.

We'll just call it a falling out

U should invite constance wu to ur podcast

The thing where no one would talk to an adult like a child saying “you are defiant…etc” my first thought was women definitely use to be talked to like that…😬

We need another mind on this from a different racial/cultural perspective/voice.

You're my favorite actress ever Dr Bialik! You're a really nice, kind and friendly person! I love you help people! I hope you someday reprise your role as Amy in a spin-off about her when she was a girl called Young Amy like Young Sheldon! Nobody could've played Amy Farrah Fowler better than you! She's the best fictional woman character ever made! I find her very similar to me! I wish I had a friend or girlfriend like her!

So I love your show and Dr . Kennedy. But why can’t we be who we are? You both would be who you are if all of us were perfect as parents or as humans.

Love Mayim. Love the podcast. Questioning her judgment however by not challenging the Jeopardy producers having a question that made light of Gabby Petito’s murder. Shame.

CopyPasted from the transcript: Dr. Becky: "to me the core skill we need in life is just emotion regulation, it's like the single thing that underlies every other thing we do, and I was like that's what kids need, and we know how I know how adults now build regulation I know what happens in the therapy room I know these experiments I have them do I know our relationship I know they're revisiting I know internal family systems and understanding our parts and all of that so like what if I kind of just thought about okay well how do you do that with kids, and then I truly remember thinking this I said you know what people love about Behavioral kind of parenting approaches people love Clarity, and we all love clarity we will, I really believe we'll always choose Clarity over something that quote feels good because feeling confused and like rudderless is just the worst feeling because every parent cares about their kids so you want to have Clarity on your role, so I just remember thinking like as these days went on okay well, if I'm gonna kind of think about how to translate some of these other ideas into a kind of practical approach like it has to like beat behaviorism and Clarity or at least be like as good like... parents have to know okay this is what I do, I have to know what my role is and if I know what my role is, I will be able to be effective..."

I think I totally f …ed up my kids after listening to this. I had so much anxiety wanting to do everything right that I feel my kids were effected by it. It’s too late now they’re grown. But they’ve never been in jail so I’ll pat myself on the back for that. 😂

I am sorry you lost me when you said every parent cares about their kid. ( 13:26.) I love my kids but I was not loved and now I have 3 adult children and 2 grandchildren who I screwed up, because I didn't know what to do. One of my kids is going to jail for assault, one who wont leave the house at 32, and one who is so Mad she would watch me down. Dr. Kennedy just brings up tons of negative feelings for me, I need someone who can speak to my needs.