Dr. Gabor Maté With Dahlia: Best Advice If You Feel Lonely, Depressed, And Think All Hope Is Lost 

Anyone else feel that every suggestion they get is just futile. I'm so overwhelmed with the pain of loneliness and depression, I just can't bear it. Nobody wants to be around someone so negative.

If you're lonely and depressed it's because you're not getting your relational needs met. All brokenness is solved in relationship and nurture, feeling accepted, loved, like others care. The disconnection is what's causing it. All mental health issues stem from lack of connection most of the time. If you're depressed and reading this, know that I'm there too. And I wish I could help. Because I feel your pain.

My shelter pets have always helped my soul. I rescue them and they rescue me.

Just the tone of his voice calms me down immediately, than I start focusing on the meaning of his words...He is a true gift 🙏

The point is to make that little voice who cares about you LOUDER and LOUDER, until it becomes the prominent voice in your life. I destroyed my depression thanks to this mindset, by total perseverance

There's a part of you inside you that cares about you. ❤ Best thing I ever heard from any psych doc ever

A few years ago, I was unemployed, and people sent me sermons, bible verses, quotes, etc. There was one person that didn't do any of those things. She talked to her boss, got me an interview and a job. The reality is that no one wants to help you. Very few people will move a finger to help you.

People who find a healthy life long partner, who never cheats, nurtures them and brings out the happiness in them are so lucky. They're honestly so lucky.😢 I'm 35 years old and since I was 4, uncivilised, negative and just the wrong people keep on invading my life unwelcomingly. I'm just so heartbroken.

It's like literally noone cares about me and nobody would care if I died, that's exactly how I feel right now.

I suffered depression most of my life and self medicated with alcohol and drugs. Thank goodness I quit the alcohol and drugs but the depression continued. Finally the solution was a lot of 12 step meetings and working the 12 steps and making friends in the fellowship. Isolating and loneliness and negative thoughts really contributed to the depression. I had to break out of the isolation and negative thoughts. Now I have a lot of friends and keep working on being positive. I also do agree that library books and RU-vid are good things to feed your brain with positive energy

"still seeing it through the eyes of that child . . . " He so calmly, simply and gently says it and there it is as it's always been.

Blessings to all those suffering right now ❤❤❤

Its social support. Social support is everything. Non-judgmental, active listening, validating support. Your nervous system which feels burdened will feel a sense of relief. If its not that "bad" yet, then perhaps going outside and looking at a tree is enough. We must cultivate a culture of active support that lacks judgement. But alas, a portion of humans can, most can't.

Gabor Mate is a world treasure. So happy you were able to meet and speak with him.

I think moreover it's often important to get the focus off the Self. In other words, losing oneself in creative, artistic flow and/or service of others can be hugely beneficial.

The child part hit me hard. It's exactly right (in my case). I still feel like that trauma damaged and misunderstood child and I'm 48 years old. The trauma eas never dealt with and that child is still me (or in me), and he's still trying to deal with the trauma and make sense of it all. I wish I could have been there for him, if that makes any sense.

Online groups can be dangerous and often listening to others and their problems can ring you down even more

Everyone has a wounded child in them. Talk to him/ or her everyday. Even hourly. As an adult comfort & protect them, heal them. Mostly love them.

Small steps in the healing direction are better than no steps at all 🙏

None of what he said made me feel any less depressed or lonely. Sick of looking back in the past and hearing about the ‘wounded child’. The world is a mess right NOW and it’s a depressing place to live.

All my pain and uncomfortable thoughts point to is that I'm incredibly isolated and need healthier relationships. No amount of self talk or cold showers or nature walks will fix or change that.

Basically, it's finding "meaning" or "purpose" in your life once again. Feeling needed by someone that you can help with whatever you have is a positive feeling. Helping those who are suffering is a good step towards recovery.

It's gotten to the point where I stopped trying because it never works out for me and it's easier to just not bother than to keep failing and compounding the disappointment.

Gabors a legend

Sorry, but telling a deeply depressed person to read a book or take a walk is ridiculous. All advice like this does is depress a person further.

I have struggled with mental illness and my mental health since I was a kid. Before I even knew what those terms were. After years of depression, anxiety, and even an attempt to take my life, I never thought I would be able to live without SSRIs medications. I clung to them because it was the only thing that made my mind quiet, but it also made me a zombie. Microdosing has given me control of my mental health for the first time, and they essentially gave me my life back.

I've tried everything I possibly can, yet my childhood trauma still causes me hideous nightmares, and nothing has ever worked.. and nobody in the world gives a crap except for me

I watched this on you tube, took a cold shower and now my depression is cured.

Before my divorce I was hospitalized with depression...after I divorced I enrolled in a relationship class called BE( Beginning Experience) a non-demonitional counseling program sponsored by the Catholic church..I took 3 years of classes and it was the best thing I ever did for myself..I also began lifting weights and working out at a local fitness club which helped me lose weight and change my diet...I was diagnosed with SADD. (Seasonal affected depression disorder)..I tried taking several different medications but couldn't tolerate the effects...the combination of diet and exercise has keep my depression at bay and allowed me to better cope with the up's and downs of life and changing seasons..

Can you afford to read a book from the library? Today I gave a specimen of his book Myth of Normal to a library which I like to go near here, the Ezüsthegyi Library (Hungary, Budapest, Békásmegyer) . Earlier I asked him to sign this book for this library after his lecture on CEU. The ladies in the library were very happy . I recorded the moment of happiness, I hope I can send it to Gabor. They didn't have this book (but it was searched already), now they have a signed copy. And Gabor is an amazing man, very accepting and patient.

Life just be sucking for 6 yrs, walked around neighborhood I lived and grew up and think about how life use to be and all the fun I had growing up playing ball and having fun, that was long ago now i m 57, and how all that is gone, I hope things get better, but man its just feels so blank

I had severe depression in my 20s. I stopped drinking alcohol, changed my diet and started exercising every day. However, the real change came when I started Buddhist meditation. Now 28 years later I experience blissful states of mind every day. I would particularly recommend the Medicine Buddha mantra and sadhana from the Tibetan Buddhist tradition. I know how dreadful it can be but you must have faith that more positive states of mind are possible and achievable. OM MANI PADME HUM...

I'm now taking medications(for my depressive mood swings) but today I feel lonely. Gotta keep going. :)

Love Gabor his work with addicts, his level of empathy & his self awareness. Good luck with your channel Dahlia.

I have felt so alone since 2010 due to a major work change. I ended up getting severe depression and ended up in hospital with it. I am on meds for it. I have tried to make positive changes in my life, but I am a sensitive person due to growing up with an alcoholic father mental torture. I believe alot of people's problems in adult life are a result of childhood truma. In 2021 January 8th my Mum had cancer but the isolation from covid and not being able to converse with her friends. Mum was 76 she was an amazing mother and my best friend. Unfortunately she took her own life 😢. I miss her so much her hugs her inspiration to drive me forward. I am trying to make more positive changes not easy but please god life will become happier for me thanks for listening 🙏

What I love about Dr. Gabor is, he can totally shut someone up with his calm voice and a gentle but trick question. This man is brilliant.

I'm so tired of hearing people say that you should do this or that, that you have to do it yourself, no it doesn't work like that, in those states you need help from others when it's serious.

When I was in my 20's I went to the library, and got books that did not help. Had I of asked the librarian, I know I would have accessed lots of books to show me that it was not my fault, I am kicking myself because my lack of common sense to think to get help from the librarian, meant I struggled through and got addicted to drugs, and had a lot of unnecessary problems. I stayed with my parents in their abusive home, whereas, if I had asked the librarian for Help to get the right books, I would have save myself a lot of bullying, I would not have made the choices that I went onto me, I would have realised that I do have talent, that the people picking on me are insecure, but instead, I saw myself as inferior to everybody, and it is only in my 50s that I realise that the people who bullied me but also traumatised.

Needed this today, been feeling like I’ve been too alone. 💚

I’ve literally changed my whole outlook through having access to free on line help. I’ve learned so much, I’ve changed my thinking and it’s been the best thing I could have done. An open mind, not shutting yourself off to what’s there makes all the difference

When at my loneliest and lowest, i can’t get out of bed, yet alone make a phone call or look on RU-vid for support.

There's a part of you inside you that cares about you. This touched me deeply, I cried. Thank you

The questioning of those voices is essential and can be very difficult without really wanting to. If you can't listen to those voices' needs and they keep calling you will probably continue to suffer.

I love this video! Recently i was reading Irvin Yalom and he suggests something simular to some of his clients to replace the " I can't, it won't work for me, its not for me, ect." with " I won't " Doing this makes you think that you're the one holding yourself stuck in one place. You're the one refusing to be happy.

What a beautiful message. And it's so true. Being good to ourselves in simple ways. For me, it's getting out and going to Starbucks, taking my work with me. That instantly makes me feel better. Like I can breathe.

You make me smile and bring water to mey eyes, because I can see a way out now. I'm no child, I'm strong, smart, thoughtful, caring and free, and I understand that that part of me that says I can't is just a scary little boy. With this realization, I become enlightened to go on adventures, and get hurt, and go into uncomfortable situations more light-hearted, and not as afraid to pour out my soul in life, because I know I have an entity similar to a caring mother inside of me, that prods me on the shoulder, and says "Look here, you must take care of this!", it's someone that loves me. Can it be a shadow sometimes? Yes it can be a shadow, we all have it, we are not all good or all bad. But as long as we recognise what it is, we lose fear and our soul, our mind, our spirit evolves, we become better people. We must fashion a community between the part of you you think is good and the shadow. Hell, fist bump the shadow, tell him/her you'll come for their hate, to help them, to rescue them, because they were hurt too in their childhood and saw no way out.

Since most women don't give men the time of day it is nice to see these women who are paid to converse with a man.

He is really a big help for people ❤️

"Go look at a tree" Wow so helpful. I'm cured!

I've been feeling miserable ever since I moved to US. I feel i failed at everything i did, no matter how HARD i worked.

Agreed. And I want to add, I cry most days, and that keeps me out of depression.

reading a book and watching videos online just doesn’t cut it

Talking a walk is great therapy

Yeah, but the part of me that cares about me is dying out and crying for one last help before it perishes, and before I tread on an even more self-destructive path.

It is common people will not find proper help from a therapist. The therapist may not have expertise in this field, personal experience, and a therapist can go into cognitive biases of all kinds. Many forms of victim blaming... I was attacked many times by the therapists in aggressive, passive aggressive way. Many therapists are narcissist, on their own, some are even socialilized psychopaths. I talked to therapists since I was a kid. As randomly quoting the character Dr House from the famous show. "I don't care that they (your abusers) didn't care " A possible attitude from a number of therapists

My advice: Just live it. Live with it. Don't let it throttle you. Live otherwise. I have a somewhat comedic, but vested and tested mantra: If you don't like the outcome of some event in life (or the non-engagement, as this instance would have it), wait five years. I guarantee you'll feel differently about it!

I love Gabor Mate he is the for real deal. Wow so kind

While you’re out on your walk, smile at people and say hello. They’ll smile back and that will change your brain. Smile at yourself in the mirror. Try it.

I have great respect for Mr. Mate but still... The thing is that too many people are alone and lonely. Some are depressed because they have a chemical imbalance in their brain, even if they have "everything" (supporting family, money...). Medicines and therapy might help them a bit, or not. Others simply survived too much and have no orientation no more, and moreover, no one to turn to, even though they might not be too negative and difficult for the environment. The sadness is too much. How do you cure sadness and lack of connection to other humans, you cannot just go knitting and petting your cat again. Interactions between humans are very superficial and based on being useful or not. If you don't have your own (functional) family, outsiders won't replace it, forget it. So it is the alienation in the first place. Hobbies and pets and exercise help just a little.

love what he says about reading a book about your situation

AA and Alanon are free, and extremely helpful in the healing even if you don’t have a relationship with substance abuse. Find a group. Its often free. With love. 💙

Perfect question, and so calming and patient. We need more like him. Thank you both.

Best advices I have ever seen ❤ It is all in you! The grief AND the solution! Find yourself - get to your roots/inner child - heal it and then grow and bloom

I believe that loneliness happens because you’re actually lonely for yourself. Instead of looking outwardly to the world for answers, surrender to what actually is happening within you in any given moment. Be present to yourself because you deserve it. Develop the courage to stop and become still just to listen within on a regular basis, even if it’s just for five minutes, and solutions and ideas will come. You already have your answers. No one else does.🥰

4 days sober going to yoga tonight. 🧘‍♂️

I asked myself this the other few night ago. If I didn't care about about coming to God or wanting to change why I am I doing it? Man..depression really gets to you and makes you stuck on stupid. It's like being possessed. My anxiety feels so bad and I feel so ashamed about myself I'm scared to go out sometimes.

His voice is so comforting ❤

He always blows my mind

You are The Master , I Adore and Respect Dr Gabor 💎🍀✨🙏

Great advice in a nutshell Dr Gabor 🙏🙏 just what I needed to hear 👍

I'm 33 had depression most of my life can never see any real reason to keep on living in such a toxic and corrupt world.... I don't know what the "part" of me is that makes me think that way... my brain i suppose....

I adore this man

Childhood pain and trauma is so hard to shake off because being there from such a young age means it is or can easily be the foundations of your life. To get to the foundations means the building has to be dismantled brick by brick. It’s a long process and it’s exhausting and debilitating…….

Thank you so much ♥

His voice is so soothing.

Such a hopeful, loving, patient perspective, with easy-going suggestions.

thank you so much

He really is a gift in few short sentences has helped soooo much. ❤

I can't tell whether this woman is 25 or 55 years old but she's beautiful. Seems like she has a lovely soul too. They were exactly the sort of question that leading thinkers ought to be asked.

I've listened to the 2 podcasts and I've followed on RU-vid. I'd like to really get that copy signed by Mister Doctor Gabor Maté. Thanks for the podcasts and for the short videos. Have a marvelous day. 🤗

This is one of the channels that gave me the courage to start my RU-vid channel 10 months ago about self development. Now I have 1,960 subs and > 2k hours of watch time. I know it’s not comparable with others but I’m still proud I started because I’ve been learning so many lessons that I could haven’t learned without getting started in the 1st place.

Very practial suggestions. That first part of probing that part of you that wants to get better is awesome.

I actually think that loneliness is even more prominent in young men, and often this is the result of women showing virtually zero interest in men who you would look at and see nothing wrong in them, but due to dating apps, we have become more disconnected than ever, and as a result, very few men now make the grade due to unrealistic expectations and a check list of requirements they cannot possibly fulfill.

I really enjoyed this whole conversation:) I just came from the 2-part podcast. It was very introspective for me and I would love to have the book!

Best person ever thank you❤

I was lonely, but now that ive taken a breath snd watched youtube i feel soooooooo much better. THaNkS!

I have so much Love and Gratitude for this man. His books have saved my life. We need to make People first not Greed, Capitalism or Vanity. Healing is needed for Humanity.

I just don’t want to be anymore! The loneliness is crippling….. I just wish I had the courage to end it tbh!

Excercising is the best advice you can give to those people

Thank you for sharing this

Thank you 🙏🏾

A major part of depression is procrastination. We often leave work for as long as we can, chores until it can’t wait anymore, we avoid getting together with friends and/or family because we feel so down. But I propose we are depressed because we procrastinate about ourselves and that the reason for that is the same as any other form of procrastination….we are terrified of failure and rejection. Procrastination of doing this or that is considered a coping mechanism, a way to protect our ego. Isn’t that what we’re really doing to ourselves when depressed and in that deep dark hole? We think the easiest way to not fail is to not try. The easiest way to not feel rejected and judged is to not let ourselves be in social situations. It has become our irrational fear. When we do enjoy ourselves for that rare moment, we see how much better it makes us feel. But we’ve stood so back from the fire that now we fear it. We need to approach depression like an irrational fear. Slow but steady. Am I ready for this yet. Not quite but I feel I’m getting to the point where I will try. Do something, anything. It doesn’t have to be with anyone first. Build up your confidence and see what you enjoy on your own. I know how hard it is to get out of bed so maybe at first, you don’t. Find a game you like, an e-book which thrills you, then maybe join an online support group. Slowly face the fear. Maybe go out where there are people but not anyone you know. Make the smallest of chit-chat. See life buzzing around you. Then when you’re ready, hang out with some friends or family or find an in-person support group. But keep it slow. Make the conscious choice, when you can, to not procrastinate on yourself. Our fear is a learned one and we can unlearn it too.

I believe its a brain chemical imbalance, some ppl need medications, period. All these solutions might work for bored or sad people, but its not a cure for depression and anxiety. Mental disorders are way more complicated than a book or a youtube video that might make you feel better for a couple of hours, not more.

Never give up no matter what!

Brief but accurate I found. Thank you Dahlia and Dr. Mate

We assuage the loneliness with such distractions all of which sound good and may be beneficial at times. However, if one digs deeper, the loneliness is a symptom of yearning for God

This guy looks awesome for 78.

I love this guy. Blessing from South Australia.✨

Exactly, youtube is a great support, great info source....

I get fed up of people saying to me you need get out more