My ex-husband divorced me for this very situation. It was the worst 9 years of my life. It started way before our wedding, while we dated for 15 months. His malignant narcissistic mother and enmeshed sister sabotaged our wedding day/evening, (ex-MIL is also a pathological liar) and caught him looking at porn on our honeymoon night. HI has been a sex and porn addict for 25-plus years now. He once left me just as we were about to be sexually intimate when she called him and told him to come over and get his dad down from a ladder (they were in their mid-60s). He was his mother's surrogate spouse for sure and his dad was checked out! When confronting his mother about her trying to prevent our marriage in the days leading to our ceremony, he took her side and said, "I will never choose you over my mom or my family." He even printed off divorce papers. I was so traumatized I felt trapped and stuck. In less than two months, while trying to figure out how to cope, I became pregnant. Dr. Adams, I discovered your work after he abruptly came home one day (after 9 years together) and said, I don't love you and I am divorcing you. This was a few months after (we had been in couples therapy trying to set boundaries with his Mother) when he said he was going to put her in 'her lane'. In therapy, we couldn't even bring her up because he would go into a rage! He projected all of his anger onto me. She helped him move out after paying for the divorce, buying him a home, and doing so in the months leading up to his announcement. He abruptly left (she helped him move out while I was at work, and took back gifts she had given me (hand-picked ornaments out of our Xmas storage), set up an entire bedroom with clothes in the closet for our daughter (she was just about to turn 6), and he refused to pay any more bills, etc. He never looked back! He spent the next 2 years refusing to sign the divorce papers or settle while having illicit affairs. I have since watched all of your teachings on the subject and can tell you it is a real disorder that, in my case, devasted our lives and has permanently injured our young daughter. He is also trying to enmesh with her! No amount of compromise on my part, or couples therapy, (tried to get help for his sex addiction, but he refused, etc.) made any true positive impact because he refused to face the truth. He always blamed me and he would gang up on me with her, and his sister. His mother is very evil. Not just enmeshed, but envious, malicious, and wicked. She did everything she could think of to show her hatred. He is in every way exactly as you describe in your videos. I have spent these past several years in therapy healing from the trauma. Thank you for the work you do! I am glad there are those who have the courage to admit, at least on the smallest level, that there is an issue. Very courageous!
Thank you for sharing your story. It really helps to learn from your experience. But so heartbreaking you went through all of that!!! 💔 Wishing you all the best moving forward.
I'm so sorry you had to go through this but honestly so happy you've been set free from this nasty situation!! He is where he belongs!! I can only dream about sending him back to his mom's place !!
@dr.kenadams Would you do a video discussing how moms of teens can avoid raising boys who will end up with enmeshment issues? What can we do to raise boys to be men without enmeshing them? Thanks in advance!!!
That's a huge question. We can all grow up in the same family but see things differently. I learned just to live my own life without all the drama. I learned to detach and set boundaries with my family of origin. Any family event was usually marked with tears and upset when people didn't get their own way so I started to do my own traditions. There were always huge expectations and upset and resentment if people didn't fulfil their "roles".
my mother told my brother to tell me that i wasnt welcome to come over for xmas because i hadnt booked why didnt she call to invite me if it was so important to book we saw her a few weeks before xmas for her birthday and brought nice presents for her but she didnt mention booking lol i tagged along to my friends parents house uninvited and was welcomed in everyone always has plenty of extra food anyway
