I'm happy to introduce "Deep dives": a new, long-form discussion format that I'll be experimenting with on the channel. And I'm even more pleased to announce that Dr. Shawn T. Smith is my first conversation partner. Dr. Smith is a clinician in private practice specializing in men's mental health, and he is the author of the excellent, "The tactical guide to women." In our discussion, we touch on vetting women, sexual politics, and ideological feminism. Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: ru-vid.com/show-UCSduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Sponsor an episode: oriontarabanpsyd.com/sponsor-an-episode Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #women #relationship
0:00 Introduction 2:04 How is Dating Like the FBI? Vetting 5:42 Crisis of Disillusionment 7:36 Confabulation 9:00 Is Attraction a Choice? 12:00 Dating With v Without a Framework 15:44 Women as Savior - External Validation 18:20 Should Men Wait Longer to Date? 21:00 Were Feminists Wrong? Especially the Male Ones. 26:15 Dishonest Mating Signals of Male Feminists & Being Undermined 28:25 Survivor: Power v Manipulation 34:00 Competitive Warfare Within the Genders 36:30 Ideological Feminism & It’s Contradictions in Dating 45:45 Lysistrata and Weaponized Withholding 51:10 Men Have to Learn How to Choose 54:20 The Luxury of Men Having Standards 57:20 Male Biological Clock? 59:50 Why is “Failure to Launch” so Prevalent? 1:04:50 Book Suggestions
I feel like that was my 20's, really thought that I needed a woman to "complete" things. As time passed, it became more about my own journey and what I could do and can do for myself
I like a quote “A man should find a purpose in a life. A woman should find a man with a purpose”. I 100% agree with this. It doesn’t mean that women shouldn’t have their own goals and desires. But this system works well 99% of the time. When a man doesn’t know what to do in life he is more prone to choose the wrong partner just because he has no clue if they both are in alignment. Women, being more fragile, need protection. They’d rather stick to a man and his goals. Obviously, not to the first man they encounter, but the one whom they respect and admire. So men should first figure out what they want from life in order to attract the right woman. Chasing women just to have one leads to misery. I’ve witnessed it 1000000 times.
57:00 talking about plumbers. I’m a refrigeration mechanic and whenever I bring that up with women on dating apps I get doughnuts afterwards, even when they are overweight don’t have a decent job or relative unattractive. This conversation is great this is so red pilled with so much data behind it love your work
They both were throwing verbal gems at each other all the time through out the interview/podcast. Great job Orion, we need more of this. Thank you so much.
I love these interviews! They aren't just a "so, tell me about stuff...how do you know your stuff?" type of interviews. But actually healthy discussions where both people dig in and find stuff to learn and disagree with each other
This was right in alignment from what I knew as a young man with older friends, it BLEW MY MIND at 15/16 years old when my 19/20 yo friends would get married after 7/8 months. I was like man that’s like a blip in time and they thought it was an eternity. EVERY single marriage failed and the sad thing was some failed after limping it along for 12 years
Thank you for this discussion! Definitely loved the last parts of the video talking about the failure to launch. I can definitely empathize with those guys, 100%.
My vetting criteria for a relationship: 1) Mutual attraction. Desire is non-negotiable. 2) Kindness. 3) Clarity 4) Maturity 5) Stability 6) Bring joy and beauty into my life.
Tolerating ..understanding ...reconciling your own discomfort in face of your partners distress... incredible.. an episode expanding exploring this would be very helpful... even Shawn appreciated it...
Much Respect to Shawn. Wow, what a great first guest. New Relationship Energy, Infatuation. Crisis of Disillusionment. My retort to this ideology is, We only know what we are exposed to. After exposure to similar personality traits, can we see comparisons in a more discerning perspective. We tend to beat ourselves up for not seeing, what we had no knowledge of at that time. It was consequences of those events, that we acquired more awareness to experiences in our life. We did the best we could, with the knowledge we had at the time. Rather than the victim-stance of, Why did this happen to me, and why didn't I see it happening? Appearances are more important, despite the warning that they can be deceiving. Depending upon previous mental preparation, depends on the individuals trained attraction. (IE. Adverse affects of Corn addiction. Changing ethnic, or cultural areas. And many other environmental factors.) Only got 10 minutes in, and will have to watch the rest later. Wow. What a great first guest.
Love the format and talk. In my opinion as men we need to be able to temporarily animate our feminine to heal emotionally so that we may return to a place of masculine direction and authority without blind spots and traumas that would make our power untrustworthy. Can’t be John Wayne stoic for real unless we’ve processed our BS. Gotta be willing to cry but don’t do that in public or stay there for too long.
Talk of the well-mannered heavyweights in the realm of understanding being a man navigating through life's little challenges often brought on by the complication from the simple want of a woman.
16:36 This was me, I thought if I had a g/f in highschool/college that my depression would lift which is the wrong attitude. All you'll do is attract that which you're so desperately trying to run away from.
Good discussion, thanks! Happy to hear knowledgeable men talk about subjects, among others revolving feminism. I almost fell for the radical feminist position that men are to blame for everything in this world. Not like the reasonable feminist movement striving for equality but rather the one only striving to subjugate men. Living with a belief that is forced onto you that you're guilty whatever the case doesn't help men nor does it help women. Happy that I can now easily discard this way of thinking and how some parts of society are insidiously trying to force it on men.
Re: "can you choose to be attracted?" It seems rather like the: "Do we have free will?" Issue In the short term probably not, but in the longer term, much more so. Provided you are working with the biological hard wiring. The associations we make in our heads determine how we react. In martial arts, they teach the need to practice techniques under stress because it creates a path that your brain will follow. This is how blank slate believiers get confused. They see women finding different dress in men changing over time and think that is the cause of attraction, when it is message those were saying g about an underlying priority.
The long-form discussion was good, but please keep the short-form format, they’re also great and invaluable. The discussion about the female manipulation in the men versus women episode of Survivor was mind blowing! That episode is a metaphor for the age-old collaboration between women and beta men to corral the alpha men’s options. Also, Dr. Smith makes an excellent point about men and women having different conflict resolution strengths and men unilaterally giving up their male physical dominance “gun” without any reciprocity from sharp-tongued women. Fascinating discussion. However, I disagree with the advice that all a man has to do is improve his value to attract women. One must also learn interpersonal dynamics, “game” if you will. Otherwise, a high value man just becomes a sheep led to slaughter.
I think men must earn the right to have standards. As with any goal, it's a multistep process. If you want a good woman, you neer to earn the right to attact one.
Great talk. I wonder if some of the male feminists might just have more feminine energy than the average man? Maybe they are intrinsically more passive, yielding, softer, etc and that makes it easier for them to genuinely advocate for women.
The ads in this video could not be timed more annoyingly. They pop-up right when an important point is about to be made. Something i noticed on Jordan Peterson'sbchannel is that the ads seem ro be placed at the end of an idea or when theres a lull. That method is much more agreeable. Outside of that excellent interview and for me a keeper in my self-help playlist!💯👌🏼
Maybe it's not the smartest mindset, but I believe men have always used women as a reason to self improve. If one didn't have to become wealthier, and dress more aesthetically pleasing, to attract an overall more attractive mate, I don't think many men would have the desire to better one's self. Honestly, I believe this is the reason why many Gen Z males do not put so much effort into working, and improving their financial situation. Rightly, or wrongly they feel like the odds are up against them to get a relationship with a woman that they desire, therefore there is less reason to self improve.
not a ´feeling´ Definite, cold equations. Combine with destructive public education, entirely rational. What is needed, is selfish men. Look to do what we want, and pursue that.
@@jackdeniston59but selfish men(if there’s enough of them) will eventually break society in different ways. For a society to be high functioning - people need to be pairing up ..
Btw I’ve least wondered how a man on an island by himself would function…? He will never see another person in his entire life. Would he work out to look better? Would he try to build a nice structure as a home? What would he do?
@@brianmeen2158 I would argue that we need to be selfish in a benevolent way where we avoid validating and interacting with gender ideologues, but also operate from a higher state of being and consciousness amongst healthy people. I'll reframe "selfishness" and suggest that instead we actually need to become less tolerant of certain things.
@Penderyn many things that people do appear outwardly altruistic but are ultimately egoistic. Take friendships for example. I help you in your time of need in the hopes that when the time comes that I'm the one who needs you, you will come to help me. There's a reason why sharing can feel good, you just have to look further under your emotions, and it's not necessarily a bad thing.
I am heartened to see Dr Smith thriving, and glad he separated from the narcissist band of Rollo et al. While those guys make some excellent points, they are as toxic as a recent former POTUS.
@@thebrowithnoname1703 I don't know. I stopped watching those RP videos because they became so redundant. I couldn't stand Rollo's monologues and cutting everybody off. Cooper was better behaved, but I am guessing Dr. Smith reached his breaking point. He probably felt he was being played and took appropriate action to remove himself. I don't know how he lasted as long as he did.
@@WildMidwest1 - I found the red pill was becoming too toxic for me. It helped me realize the error of my ways but I never overcame my “red pill rage” so I backed off.
@@thebrowithnoname1703 Same. I don’t care if Cooper and others call me purple-pill or whatever. RP was adversely affecting me at work where the wokies could feel it. Purple pill lets one make better decisions without the toxic aftereffects, especially vs black pill or MGTOW.
@@WildMidwest1 The red pill possibly, maybe, cost me what might have been a decent relationship with a woman I was head over heels for, but I’ll never know for sure. I was too determined not to be a push-over and rely on red pill theory to guide me, but I’ve learned a lot about myself since then. Oh well.
Am I the only one that almost never fantasize? My brain doesn't fill in the gaps with fantasies, but almost like ... logic. People (who are interesting enough) are like puzzles to me, and I want to put the pieces together. Completely disregarding what I want or don't want in that person. I guess this is why I'm decent at reading people?
Well, they do. The average 12 year-old girl is light years ahead of the average 12 year-old boy emotionally. And this often continues into adulthood, where men are woefully unprepared to deal with women's emotions.
About those six to eighteen months when infatuation puts "beer-goggles" on us: Aren't we here today partly because those "beer goggles" lowered our ancestors' critical guard, helping keep them pair-bonded at least during a child's infancy? (That doesn't mean we should just let infatuation distort our judgment. What helps pass genes from generation to generation doesn't necessarily also help individuals live better lives.)
RE: requiring another for one to feel that set of positive emotions (18:00+/-5min):how one can feel whatever one wants about oneself, but it isn't true unless acknowledged by another could be the root of such a need without all the pathologies implied by the discussed assessment.
I have a question why some men don't want the idea of a man is provider and a protector of the family? Why some men don't want that? Are they scared of responsibility?
Fantastic talk guys, question: You mentioned that as guys it's very useful and beneficial to learn Emotional intelligence. How would you reccomend we learn that? I've been trying to read lots of books on the topic but just wanted to ask how you reccomend one approaches learning this subject.
Even after the lengthy vetting, the FBI have a probation period. The option to remove the person should their behaviour not be satisfactory. People change, and no amount of vetting will help you with that. Vetting is not too be relied upon. It's better to shape your life so the probation period lasts a lifetime. Don't put yourself in a situation that you cannot easily walk away from with minimum consequences to you. Learn the laws where you live, don't sign a marriage(divorce) agreement that massively benefits the woman,, don't cohabitate where the laws treat that similar to marriage, move to a state or country where the laws don't limit your ability to get out of a bad situation. Create a life where the only reason, when you wake up each morning and chose to stay with a woman is because she is bringing enough value into your life that she is incentivising and motivating you to Willing stay.
1-1.5 years to see the other person clearly in my experience. However that doesn't mean fully knowing the person, it just means you see them without a filter given by infatuation. The problem is, typically by then you either have been slowly pushed into a relationship or you have been left for opposing resistance to it.
I'm thinking that the young men who are feeling inept and staying pessimistic unable to influence their environment could be related to the lack of family structure around how a child should contribute at home and or not being acknowledged for their contributions during the younger years. They have minimal value added habits because maybe nothing they did was enough or didn't get the attention it merited.
So, ideally the parents would have a system where the children do their share of the chores, and thus learn that they are useful and have responsibilities.
Appears that the impact of many young men being raised by single mothers was not adequately addressed in this conversation. Lack of fathers is a significant factor. Perhaps I missed something here?
Hi! Good morning 🌄☕ 🌱 Great discussion so much learnings. On attraction I think it's not a choice it happens naturally once we see someone who's attractive. Internally and or physically. Me physically I'm attracted with nice eyes 👀 and clean nails 😊. Character is very important. God fearing and loving person . Responsible, discipline and gentleman 😊. Some women want all 😁 . I have story of when I was working we usually ride in a train and once I enter in the train full of passengers there's young man offering a seat hehehe feeling beautiful lady😅 . Maybe he offers a seat because I smiled wide when entering in a train😅 .I'm jolly person😊. Great if once a week you have this kind of collaboration with great men 👍 just a suggestion. I like the term Deep Dives 😊 Love , Peace, Joy, Wisdom and Abundance to All 🙏
36:00 is wrong. The man gives up his physical 'gun' because it is illegal to hit her or overpower her, there are not the same protections against psychological manipulations. Great content though, really enjoyed the podcast.
I don't understand the reasoning behind 01:02:09 that "it has never been easier to be an extraordinary man". On the contrary, I think it is very difficult. One of the main reasons is that we don't have an example of an extraordinary man. I would argue that we cannot define this term. I think we live in a very nihilistic society, with no clear values and shared goals, eg. creating a family is not considered prestigious. Even having money is diminished, as evidence of character, but is more seen as a result of luck. We could argue that status itself is valuable, but it still feels more like an abstract value than a tangible thing we can obtain. It is all very obscure and clearly defined. Chaotic. I don't even want to mention religious ideals - a deep topic, but I think we can agree that Western culture is not favorable towards religious patterns and values. So, for me, if we cannot come up with a clear and common definition of extraordinary man, it is thus not achievable.
How many guys do you know are good at making conversations? Are chasing their dreams? Are charismatic and hardworking? You're right about what the world is like right now, that is why you can be an extraordinary man by simply working and practicing enough so that your 100% now will simply be your 20% in the future. Because most men don't. Do you get what I mean?
I had that rational approach to find my ex-wife. She had all the wanted attributes and the hottest in that group. Apperantly I missed something in the vetting process. But at least it was many great years...😂
It strikes me as interesting that your short form videos tend to get hundreds, if not thousands, of views and comments, especially from female viewers, within hours. Meanwhile an invaluable discussion with a psychology/self-improvement legend is practically unwatched, comparatively speaking. I however, would like to see more content with Shawn T. Smith in future episodes as well as more long form content!
Great Convo but Dr Shawn Smith missed the point about men rejecting the request or demand of men giving up the man card. I tell men to give up the traditional man card. It focuses men to product more than they consume and also provide that extra productivity for other parties like the wife or girlfriend. Women have fought their way other of historical roles and it is mens turn to do the same. Men do not be protectors and providers or end up like men in Ukraine focus to fight for the country while the equal women run, drive, fly and swim away. It is a stupid gender box and choose life, this is coming from a veteran, someone which understands the consequences from sticking those gender roles. Evolutionary dating has been a lock and trap with men with the shorter stick, Now you can let this man trap you into this role but I will not allow this to happen. No man is going to force me into to circle class. The women have the right to leave their gender role but men must stay, most men are on a spectrum with this conversation. The are both beast of serving women they just do it in different ways. This Smith "Dr" is easy to grant women all the options they want but reduce men into this role, negative. Women also have consequences to their new found roles which is missing their window to having kids due to their timeline, but they are hacking and adjusting and as always we men are simps so we assist them by creating tech and laws to extend their windows of reproduction.
I'm 31 and still single while I have a girlfriend now but all my friends are my age married have two or three kids and they all tell me it's getting too late You need to marry someone I'm like what are you talking about You can't be too old as a man no problem especially in a global context because in America we tend to date people close in age but around the world they like bigger age gaps best thing you can do is keep up your appearance make as much money and become as high status as you can and you'll be far more attractive at 35 or 40 then you will be at 25 if you're a man and you can easily start a family at 35. My girlfriend now is 21 If I was 24 it would have been much harder to have her. Although this can be true in America if you become a swab and gain weight and go bald and don't have enough money but I on purpose did not do any of those things cuz I'm not an idiot lol
