Drill sergeants, what's the only thing to make you laugh in your entire career? 

“Are you yelling at us or the water fountain” the absolute BALLS OF STEEL on that guy😭😭😭

"You know what? You're gonna do well in the infantry." That was not a compliment. lol

Not a drill sergeant but a veteran: In boot camp each needed to make a short talk about a person or character that he saw as a leader and why. A guy went up and talked about none other than Tinki Winki of the Teletubbies, as showing compassion and being nice is just as important as pushing your underlings. The sergeants were red from trying to stop the laughter. It was so funny Afterwards we discovered he had a bet with 10 other trainees that he can do it and also get away unpunished. He got about 100$ worth of vending machine drinks.

I thought when di said "Beat yourself" he would've done something completely different😭😭😭😭

When I was in, I had assigned several recruits to clean the shower rooms. Went in the barracks a while later and there was a torrent of water a couple inches deep cascading down the hall. I ran in to see water gushing out of a broken water line as the recruits were trying desperately to get it stopped. I bellowed, "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON RECRUITS?" A recruit immediately snapped to attention and said, "Sir, operation Clean the Shower Room, has encountered complications, suggest we deploy a tactical team to locate and turn off the water main!" I literally had to step out for a few seconds to keep from busting out laughing in front of them all.

We had a really quiet drill sergeant who would come up with funny punishments. One time he caught a private walking without a battle buddy next to chowhall. He made him lay on his stomach with legs and arms in the air on the pavement and scream “I’m a hammock!! I’m a hammock!!” over and over again.

Ok, my DI story; I was a trainee at the time, I had been drafted while at UCLA in the Graduate Physics program ( Plasma Physicist). Anyway, only other collegiate guy in my company, had also been drafted while working on his Masters in Mathematics from Berkeley. When it came time for the firearms class, the DI came out with a brand spanking new M16 and started crowing about how it was the " finest military rifle in the world", the most powerful, most accurate, etc. etc. Neither my buddy nor I had ever seen one before, but since I'd been shooting firearms, including hunting rifles since I was about 7, I couldn't wait to get a look at this 'marvel'. Well, when they passed it around and it finally got to me, I held it with the barrel in one hand and the stock in the other, and the friggin thing MOVED! I'm telling you, accurate? MY ASS!!! The look of having stepped in dog shit on my face spoke volumes of my personal assessment of the weapon; obvious to the point that it was noticed by the DI who promptly ordered me to stand at attention and explain the look on my face. Now, I Have to tell you, I wasn't particularly happy about having been drafted in the first place, especially since the country was actively engaged in a 'hot' and unpopular war at the time, so , a bit defiantly and without a beat I began to (not entirely respectfully ) explain that the DI had been 'misinformed' as to the capabilities of the rifle and without pausing, I launched into an engineer/physicist's description as to the more obvious defects of the weapon affecting both accuracy and downrange 'power'. The DI was stunned, but only for a minute or two at which he ordered me to stop, took the weapon forcibly from my hands, and then proceeded to berate me for being "ignorant'. Unfortunately for the Math guy, he blurted out, that I was entirely correct about my observations regarding the issues with the caliber, the low mass of the projectile, susceptibility to crosswind, light foliage etc. Well, that night as we crawled about scrubbing our WWII era barracks with two toothbrushes, (I KID YOU NOT!) my buddy simply broke down and began crying at our circumstances. The following afternoon, a new to us BLACK DI replaced ours (for unrelated issues). He was an older, seemingly uneducated E-7 (whom I later found came from a poor family raised in the deep south -his father had been a sharecropper), but he had an unusual quality and dignified bearing about him that puzzled me to no end. The next morning he lead our PT exercises, and when he boomed out "INHALE--DE-HALE", I'm sorry but I simply lost it and fell out of formation, bending over with uncontrollable laughter. He immediately called me to attention, and unceremoniously sent me off for laps around the parade field, "until further orders." An hour and a half or so later , he appeared beside the track and motioned for me to stop and come to attention. Seeing me in some physical distress, (this was I believe in July, in Georgia and it was friggin HOT!!) He pointed at a bench near him and motioned for me to sit. He then calmly asked me why I had laughed? Now before I tell you what he said next, let me describe this fellow. He was black as midnight, slightly smaller than I (bout 6'-6'1") probably 190 lbs or so, a tinge of grey at his temples, calm yet weathered eye's that seemed to bore right into you, yet containing no obvious signs of malice, hostility, or aggression. He had large, well muscled and athletic looking arms, and beneath his uniform I could tell his chest, shoulders and back were well muscled and fit. Embarrassed a bit, for having laughed so hard, I first apologized, and explained my situation, the events of the preceding day and night, and my overall total frustration at the enormity of the changes in my life that had so recently occurred which led to my desperate need to release these pent up emotions. unfortunately resulting in my near maniacal laughter at his misuse of "de-hale" instead of the word " exhale". He sat silent for a moment or two, then he stood and asked me if "those wobbly legs " would get me back to the barracks to which I said that I believed they would. He then stood and did the most incredibly unexpected thing, he thanked me for 'helpin with his words'. As he turned to leave, I got to attention and reflexively saluted him-to which, with only a hint of a smile at the corner of his lips, he returned. Epilogue. The details I've given about his origins I only found out later. You see, when we were preparing for the graduation parade, all of a sudden the company commander approached our DI, and a 'vigorous' discussion occurred during which the commander's voice kept rising in volume to the point that he became quite irritated and made a direct order for the Sgt. to remove several items from his Class A uniform, to which the Sgt calmly replied that he respectfully refused. The enraged Captain then ORDERED him to leave the field but before he could turn to do so, the battalion Sgt Major strode up and inquired as to what all the commotion was about. The Captain then almost screamed that our DI was refusing a DIRECT ORDER. The Sgt Major, looked momentarily at the uniform of the DI, his eyes opened a bit, and then he turned and asked if the Captain would like him to bring the Battalion Commander over to resolve the dispute? To this our Captain seemed to freeze for a moment, and he then settled down; at which time he turned and stepped away. The Sgt Major's eyes followed the captain for a moment then they turned back to our DI, to whom he rose to Attention, and saluted, just adding to our confusion. When our DI finally turned to face us, it suddenly dawned as to what had occurred. On his chest were more ribbons than I had yet seen on a military uniform. Turns out, our 'poor, uneducated, sharecropper's son DI was an HONEST TO GOD WAR HERO, with not only one row of ribbons, but 2 , along WITH AIRBORNE JUMP MASTER wings, what I found out later was a Pathfinder's badge, MACV SOG insignia, several unit citations, and two Expert Marksman badges with a slew of weapon qualification badges hanging off the bottom of each. I recognized the Purple Heart with clusters ribbon, (My deceased Step Uncle had been awarded one) the Bronze Star, and what I found out later was a Silver Star. Seems our Captain had wanted him to remove some of his awards/ribbons because in contrast, the DI's uniform made our Captain's look like he was someone's secretary:) Now, I'm sure I'm missing some other awards/medals on that uniform, there might have been a ranger's tab, and some additional Unit Citations, but this all occurred many years ago now. Apparently our DI had transferred in for one last assignment before being retired from the service and under NO ONE's ORDERS was he EVER going to diminish his personal dignity, by removing that Beret, its insignia, nor any other physical evidence of the personal honors he had bled for and earned during his long and illustrious service to our Country. Whether, White, Yellow, Red, Brown, or BLACK; in a time in which REAL racism still ran rampant throughout much of our Military, and even though it was only for a few short weeks, I am Proud, and honored to have known him and witnessed for myself the difference between mere human military males, and a true "HEROIC SOLDIER".

Oh. Recruit here. I was a long distance runner before Navy boot camp. My CCs (DIs) announced we would be able to run three miles before the month was over. My stupid mouth opened and laughed. LAUGHED. Both CC heads swiveled my direction. Now, my relatively intelligent brain knew I was paddling up Shit Creek. My stupid mouth thought my 82 new friends would like to ride along and enjoy my sense of humor. One snort laugh later, words I regret to this day tumbled out: ‘THREE MILES?! I could do that on a broken leg!’ I’m here to tell you that my 82 new friends did not, in fact, like my sense of humor. They also did not appreciate tagging along on the float trip up Shit Creek. Let’s just say when that month ended I could have run three miles on my hands. I did so many push-ups my biceps, triceps, and lats could be seen from space. Yes, the CCs laughed all the way.

I went through Basic Training in 2002 at Ft Sill. Our plumbing went out in our barracks and we were stuck on every other day 30 second shower drills for about 2 weeks in the summer. We were marching back from the rifle range and I ended up with horrible chaffing on the inside of my legs (on top of jock itch). I was walking super bow legged and was falling behind the formation. I had a Drill Sargent fall back and talk to me. "French, you don't fall behind... what's going on?" I was honest and explained the problem. He told me to take a handful of Gold Bond and powder the whole area when we got back. I did exactly that and INSTANT relief. He also signed me up to go to the medics the next morning (where I found out about the jock itch). It was the best interaction and advice I got from any Drill Sgt.

9:45 not stupid... Just pure... Basically trying to make the dude feel good about his size vs theirs..... Implying that that the Drill sergeant had a big eggplant 😅😂

Army, medical discharge (not horrible, but bad enough): This was ...day two or three of training. Very early. I was three pounds over regulation minimum weight for enlistment for my height. My DS went to check a self-tied rope harness for an exercise we were doing and he tossed me around. Asked me if I was allowed to be here. I replied, "I'm 113lbs, over the minimum weight of 110, Drill Sergeant." "No shit. Before or after you took a shit?" I took him seriously and answered: "After, Drill Sergeant. We had the urinary test immediately beforehand." He brushed it off and said I needed to tighten up my harness some more. A week passes, and I've gained muscle, passed the 120lb mark. At morning PT he remarked that pull ups shouldn't be a problem for me since I'm so light. I responded something along the lines of, "I actually gained weight, Drill Sergeant!" "No shit? I'm gonna weigh you when we get back to the barracks." "Yes, Drill Sergeant!" I turned around to get back in line but I paused and turned back to him again and asked, "Before or after I shit, Drill Sergeant?" Chuckles were had all around and he didn't hide it well. "Before! You need all the help you can get!" I got along great with that DS~ He said he'd get me swearing like a sailor, but he started apologizing when he swore a lot in front of me. XD Total redneck prankster goofball, and an amazing soldier.

"You're going to do alright in infantry" Reminds me of a recruiter that told my buddy "You have Airforce looks, on a Marine intelligence budget." He did later join the Army.

Made my phone pause the video when you said "Okay Google" You bastard lol

In Army Basic, I wasn't messed with much. Eventually, I found out that the commanding officer of a nearby battalion shared the same last name and we looked nearly identical.

During bct and ait, you are instructed that you no longer have a first name, only your rank. During AIT, a cold afternoon formation, the drill Sargeant was going through a roster, asking everone in the company what their first names were. He got to me. "Palazzi what is your first name?" To which i replied "Private, Drill Sargeant!" The entire company and all the drill Sargeants bust out laughing. He replied with " Apparently Pvt Palazzi is the only one in this company who remembered his training and can go inside, while the rest of you can suffer out here."

I worked in the ER at walter reed. Was admitting a patient who was a master chief petty officer. she seemed distraught that she was going to be admitted. I asked her why she seems upset. she said "i just hate being in the hospital. its depressing." I told her I could get her a young E3 to yell at since chiefs love yelling at them. she laughed so hard and said she appreciated my offer but doesnt want to bring that out again lol

At Basic We were standing on line in our bay. DS Green walks around. Stops in front of me. "You remind me of Opie Taylor, so you know who that is?" I replied "If I'm Opie Taylor does that make you Barney Fife!?" He chuckled. I made the walls sweat. I'll never forget that

The "fall in" comment was a reference to the drill instructor being well-endowed. Probably as a funny way to get on his good side.

There was once a guy who would always forget to salute officers. One time he was called into an office (not for anything worth remembering) and when he got in there the captain, a lieutenant, and the sergeant were in there. He didn't salute and started to say "Private So-and-So reporting as ordered" but the sergeant interrupted him and told him to go back into the hallway, knock, and try again. He goes back into the hallway, and closes the door. The captain says "Enter" and he does... And just stands there looking confused. The sergeant says "Well? Aren't you going to pay complements to the Captain?" He stammers out "Uh... Uh... You look very nice today sir!" The sergeant screams "GET OUT!!!" and they slam the door behind him and spend the next ten minutes laughing to tears and exhaustion. Wheezing. Years later it was still funny. You could see the captain walking and if you yelled "You look very nice today, sir!" He would double over laughing.

My dads a infantry veteran who was trained in Bening, yeah the infantry men and Bening trainees are like these stories. Ive in fact, been to Fort Bening. Not as a trainee, but as a visitor. Place is beautiful, but I will never forget being near one of the stores for military families on sight and seeing a soldier on his back, flailing his limbs and screaming “I’m a dying cockroach!” For at least ten minutes. To think my dad trained there and probably had similar treatment for slip ups gives me a smile. It’s silly, but it teaches you not to do what you did again.

Almost all my male drill sergeants in Basic were characters. The one who would almost do a duck march every time marching, another who said he kissed his dog and kicked his wife cause the dog doesn’t take half, a third who made all privates when he was to be the one responding to the other drill sergeants to get us back to the company building say “Breaker Breaker 1-9 good buddy” over the walkie-talkie, resulting in the other drill sergeants wanting to smoke the platoon after returning to the company building, That’s not saying at times we weren’t deserving of smoking. During the one company building in training, we were told for the high rope crawling that “If you can’t hold on, make yourself into the shape of an L and put your hands behind your head as you fall” 2 people didn’t listen. The one female panicked and she actually be taken away via ambulance. The guy who didn’t listen almost tore the net below. The drill sergeant then asked the guy what he learned, and the guy said “3 things. 1 Never think you know everything. 2. Never go to Airborne if you do this. 3. Gravity is an unkind mistress.” He was then smoked for 30 minutes by both female drill sergeants while the male drill sergeants just smiled shit eating grins.

"Its NOT funny. Okay, its a little funny, but we AREN'T laughing!" This essentially summarizes like 50% of HR sensitivity training.

Narrator, you get an A+ on this one! And the military does this to create a camaraderie among the unit members. It isn’t pleasant but it is effective. It used to be much worse but the military finally figured out that accidentally killing its soldiers in basic training with over the top abuse was not an effective unifying tactic. There are still a few total asses who get through but damn fewer than there used to be.

When i was in AIT we had this rock of a kid who was always leaving his rifle sitting around and forgetting about it. On our two week FTX, he left the damned thing hanging by the sling from a tree branch and ran off to get chow. Then, when he realized what he'd done, he forgot which tree he'd hung it on and came to us, his battle buddies, for help. We found it before the Drill Sgts, luckily. To solve this problem, we got not one but two full rolls of green hundred mile an hour tape and wrapped him and the rifle in it with it cross slung across his back. We then informed him that if he took it off, we'd commit some violence on his person. When the Drill Sgts saw him after that, they were almost in tears trying to suppress their laughter. Two days of it being stuck to him and he never 'lost' his rifle again.

Had a guy checking out female DIs, he was ordered to go and ask one out on a date while formation waited 😂 Same guy, just zoning out, DI stated grabbing pinecones and tossing them yelling "grenade!" after ordering him to "save his platoon" - by diving on the "grenade" - full on belly flopping, then "oh, must've been a dud!" like 7 times in a row

BCT at Ft Benning (now Ft Moore) 2011, my buddy gets issued generic Icy Hot cream for a chronic knee injury. He applies it, doesn't wash his hands and goes to the latrine to drop a deuce. 10 Minutes later he comes out of the latrine and lays in his bunk howling in pain. DS hears this from the office and comes out to the Kill Zone demanding to know what happened and this PVT Yells out "Drill Sergeant I got icy hot on my asshole!" The Drill Sergeants just covers his face with his hat as he does an about face and walks into the office and closes the door as we hear him HOWLING with laughter. The whole bay erupted with laughter as a DS from our neighboring platoon barges in and our DS explains to him what happened and why we're all laughing our asses off and he starts laughing hysterically in front of all of us, just lost all composure and says "Well that's a life lesson for you Private". Also had a "snake bite" where a private on the last training range before rifle qual shot himself in the leg after failing to clear his weapon, swinging it with one arm, finger on the trigger as he walked off the range. We all got smoked as they CASEVAC'd him. He got recycled and we all mocked him.

Man, never mind your DI voice, I'm just happy to see a video without AI narrating 👏👏👏

I cannot goddamn breath. Making them form legitimate friendships? How dasterdly!

33:25 When I was in Navy basic, my RDC's didn't take notice of me until about 5 weeks in. You do NOT want to be noticed and remembered by the RDCs, that means you have their attention and that usually comes with punishment or work. First time my chief really noticed me he was like "Who tf are you, are you new?" and I was like "No chief, I have been here since day 1, I'm just quiet." and he kinda harrumphed and was like "Stay that way." "Aye aye, chief." I only ever got singled out for a beating once during bootcamp, which is a feat. Group beatings dont count, its impossible to avoid all of those lmaoo esp if you have a "strong" division.

ahhh the "you're not johnson im johnson" story is so similar to mine. At MCRDSD we had a recruit that the SDI said he was just too stupid to quit no matter how hard the DI pushed him to try to get him to quit because they didn't want anyone in the USMC to have to even remotely rely on this guy for any duty. Anyways, one day they had him stand in front of the platoon at attention yelling "im not stupid!" over and over. We were all trying to hold in our giggles. One recruit couldn't and started cracking up. DI pulled him up to the front also. Told the two to face each other and yell at each other saying "Im not stupid you're stupid!" for 5 minutes straight. Even our badass DI who was a recon marine couldn't help but crack up at the spot.

Not a drill sergeant but it was something that I saw a drill sergeant do that brought me as close to dying from laughing as I have ever come. My training platoon was sitting in the CT area (I believe it was called, it's been nearly 20 years now) and the drill sergeant in question was talking to us about what the next few weeks of training entailed and answering any training-related questions we had. This was a week or so after qualifying and at that point they had begun to really level with us and joke around instead of berating us 24/7. Another recruit who, as I understand it, was part of the Blue to Green program (basically he was transferring to the Army from the Air Force I think it was) was approaching us all and apparently our drill sergeant could tell that our focus was shifting towards this unknown individual creeping up. So the drill sergeant turns to look at the guy and shouts, "Al Qaeda!" and then does this diving barrel roll behind all of us. Proceeds to take one of the recruit's canteens and lobs it at the new guy as though it were a grenade. We watched as the canteen bounces off the guys chest as he stood there completely bewildered, obviously wondering what precisely he had gotten himself into. My sides have never hurt so much. Great times. Would recommend. Would do it again. 10/10

it is best when the sergeant/officer asks you "how will you recognize the enemy?" the best answer to stop further such stupid questions is: "by the dark circles around the eyes!" ???? "sir, the enemy never sleeps!"

Not an instructor, before the day started we had a presentation "Drill sergant assist program" i was half awake and didnt remeber much of it. Cut to us doing the repel lessons, a kid was afraid to go down. The instructor said to count to 5 and jump. (For those unaware, this is a way to go from a high area down via a rope. Jump to go down than "land" at a say 75-80° angle and attempt to go down (i cant quite remember) 40-60 foot wall in 3 jumps) When he got to 2 he kick the guy making him jump unwillingly and he lost his footing smacking his head into the wall (it was a light smack and we had helmets on) than yelled at the kid to hurry up and get off his (instructor's) rope. Im in line abput 13 people back and i tap someone on the shoulder and say "oh thats the drill sergant assist program". Than i her a DS tell me to say what i said again. He proceeds to die laughing calling other instructors who laugh high five me and scream at me to get back in line. That went on for 3 days as whenever a different group of near i was to to retell the story.

The guy who made them do burial services for a fellow countryman fly is absolutely hilarious.

I have a story from my father’s time in the Navy. He didn’t elaborate too much, and I don’t really know military terminology, so I hope the point gets across despite the poor explanation. My father had one commanding officer who hated him. He was always rude to him and just made his life hell onboard ship. This apparently stemmed from an interaction this officer had with my father in front of a bunch of sailors where he looked like an idiot because of his accent and penchant for forgetting to use articles (a,an,the) in his sentences. It went like this: Navy crew: shooting the shit and having a good time while doing their work Superior officer: walks up. “What happened to Sexton?” Navy crew: visibly confused. “Nothing; still measuring and recording.” Officer walks off annoyed. My father: walks up to the group of sailors. “Why’s he angry?” Crewmen: “No idea but he’s looking for you.” So my father approached the superior officer as he is yelling at another sailor. Superior officer: “What do you mean walked away? Since when does Sexton have legs?! My father hears this and replies “Since birth, Sir.” Several sailors cracked up. Superior officer snapped back “Sexton’s aren’t born, they are made.” My father is starting to wonder if his superior officer is okay, thinks he might have heat stroke or something. So he asks him some variation of “are you feeling okay? You sound confused.” Crew echoes this, even offering to go get water for the superior officer. Superior officer responded with: “Sexton isn’t where’s supposed to be.” My father is very concerned for the man’s health now so he asked him “Where is Sexton supposed to be?” Superior officer replies “mounted at the front” And according to my father, that’s when the entire gathering of sailors started howling with laughter. Apparently the superior officer was saying sextant the entire time and everyone thought he was asking where my father (surname Sexton) was. Apparently the mounted sextant had been removed due a broken piece and it was getting repaired below deck but the superior officer somehow missed the memo so he’d been going around the ship asking where it was. According to my father this man never lived the incident down as anytime he asked for my father the crew would respond “are you sure you don’t want the sextant?”, so he made my father’s life hell in retaliation. Now, I’m not one to laugh at someone’s accent. That’s just rude. But this man didn’t do himself any favors by not using articles in his sentences. A correctly placed ‘the’ would have cleared the whole thing up before he was shamed publicly.

Me, around 15:34 or so: "Hey Google, turn off the alarm for 1:00 AM." Sigh.

"Die smile die" and "to replace the air I'm wasting sir" absolutely made me cry! 😂😂😂😂

Im a medic and went to Fort Sam for AIT. Bed Check story of my own: So, my friend got recycled into my company after getting COVID and missing too many school hours, and when he moved into my room i noticed that he had a Pennywise mask he proudly displayed on his desk. I asked about it and he got the most shit eating grin you could ever see. He pulled out his phone and showed me a video of him wearing the mask to bed checks in his old company, and the DS on CQ walking up, looking up from his clipboard, and just barely unable to laugh. He somehow didn't get smoked to hell and back, but it was one of the funniest videos i've seen of anyone in the army.

10:46 I guarantee you if they did not catch him crawling under the bed like that, they would have got roasted for it.

An old family friend of mine is a fancy tech hax0r smartypants, and when he was in the military (idk what branch) he had some role that involved higher security clearance than some of his superior officers had, right. So one day he was with his (platoon? battalion? pod? Idk military vocab lol) and his drill sergeant (or whoever was in charge of yelling at his group at the time) asked him something to the effect of "What did you learn in training today, private?!?" And my family friend can't help himself ... He replied, "Well Sir, I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you!". And (reportedly) he was then ordered to do push-ups until the rest of his group stopped laughing 😂

Not a DI/TI/DS but.... During AF Basic we had one guy that every flight has. The Naive Guy who's got the goofy smile while being reamed out, and puts on this "hurt puppy dog" face when he's done wrong. You know who I'm talking about. (This is relevant trust me) So our first week of Basic we discovered that you could 'set' the bed rails so when disturbed the bunk collapsed so the entire second and third week at lights out you'd get crashes up and down both bays which made the TI "quite peeved" over the matter so he got us all together in the day room and said the NEXT time this happened we'd be sorry. So he wasn't staying at night after the second week and we set up the Naive Guy's bunk and at lights out we all went to bed giggling awaiting the crash. And we all fell asleep because it never came. Next morning the TI comes striding in yelling us out of our beds and starting the day. As he makes the turn into the second bay Naives Guy's bunk finally goes... And he slides right out into the walkway at the TI's feet. He puts on that goofy smile and in all seriousness says "Morning Sargent".... The TI hesitates a second, then carefully steps over the prone figure and makes his way to the office. He closes the door and the radio in the office goes on and is turned up. Moments later our second TI enters and with a quizzical look on his face goes into the office. And the radio goes up again. We were about to go to breakfast when they finally came out of the office trying very hard to hide a couple of grins.

Once had an RCD make me stand in front of a mirror and whistle Anchors Away for about ten minutes because he heard me whistling happily. He only gave up because he saw how little it actually bothered me in the end. Another time, I had folded my shorts wrong in my rack and during inspection, my RDC and the FQA inspector noticed, but were clearly distracted by something about them. The previous night, in a state alluding to purest evidence of my then-undiagnosed narcolepsy, I half-awake ironed my NYLON shorts. Thus ensued the following: RDC: Riley, did you iron your shorts? Me, panicking due to being unsure of what to do: 😳 Him: That was a question, Riley. Me, now at attention: Yes, Petty Officer! Him: How did you not melt them? Me: I don’t know, Petty Officer! Him: Well, they look nice. They’re folded wrong, but they look nice. Me: Thank you Petty Officer. Honestly, I think they only took it easy on me because of moments like this. Different occasion I can’t personally vouch for but it does sound completely on par for the kid. A friend of mine, allegedly, while doing pushups as IT, was asked by his RDC how he was able to do so many pushups, since he just kept busting them out. Mind you, he attended West Point prior to service but did not end up getting commissioned. So his response, while ill-advised, does make perfect sense for him. But I don’t think that Petty Officer was either prepared nor pleased to get a response of, “Because I’m Army Strong™️ Petty Officer!” They IT’d. His entire division (think roughly 80 people). All. Day. Long!

Honestly, the Sgt hiding in a locker just to fuck with people is the most realistic. One of ours hid under one of our beds, scared the absolute shit out of us. Being a DS is basically being a particularly tyrannical teacher with a prank streak a mile wide

Here's one for you. I was in blue phase of Basic as a Private. We were in the middle of FTX 3 (Field Training Exercise) and had to dig foxholes and hasties. The fox holes were set up around the perimeter of our AO to keep on the lookout for other companies also doing their FTX3. Basically we had a simulated war against other companies for their guideon (company flag) We were all in groups of 2 or 3 where at least one person at any given time needed to be in the foxhole keeping watch for the enemy. Well we had a Private fall asleep in his foxhole on top of his rifle. I notice this and right as I go toward him to wake him up I see one of our Drill Sergeants low crawling towards him in the dirt WITH A MORTAR SIM IN HIS HAND! He looks at me and my battle buddy abd slowly puts his finger over his lips signaling us to keep quiet. So my saddle buddy and I just sit back and watch as our Drill Sargent slowly makes his way to the foxhole (a 2'x4'x4-5' deep hole.) Pulls the pin on the Sim and drops it directly into the foxhole next to the Private and bolts off in the other direction. Now mortar Sims are pretty harmless and are only used to mimic the sound of an actual mortar explosion but they don't actually do any damage. Well this thing went off next to this Private and I shit you not the dude jumped clean out of the foxhole screaming bloody murder from the scare. Our DS and us were laughing our assessment off at this guy who, at this point, attracted a bit of a crowd to watch the ensuing chaos.

Not a drill instructor but my Air Force boys will understand this… 331st Squadron TSGT Gresham circa 2014 old dorms I don’t remember what week of basic training but it was a heavy cleaning weekend day where we came in after PT and the entire area was ransacked and throw everywhere. We were instructed to take showers, change and get to our cleaning and details for the day. Not more than 10 min after starting to clean our Drill comes around and sees a web belt clips around a bunk, I’m in the day room and hear a LOUD “Where’s your trainee, web belt?” Some of the guys who actually saw this happen told us he straight up looked at and knife handed it as well. Then proceeded to just walk away back into the middle office he had without doing or saying anything else for good while. 😂

The best rules to live by in boot as well as the military: Never be first, never be last, never do anything that makes them know who you are, and Never Again Volunteer Yourself. Navy, 7 years.

When my company was being assigned platoons, put Dix, Cox, & Butt's were all assigned to the same squad.

Was not a DS, but a captain on a TDY (temporary duty) assignment at Lackland AFB, where AF basic training is held. I was present, well within earshot, of a DS and a bunch of new recruits. Be it on some television show or movie, we've have all heard the stereotypical, "The only thing to come out of (inserts state name here) are queers and steers. I don't see any horns on your head." Without missing a beat, this new recruit came up with the best reply I have ever heard, "I'm Holstein bull sir! We don't have any horns."

When I was in basic we had a trainee from China. His English wasn't the best but everyone knew he could understand everyone completely. Sometimes he would try to play dumb especially with the drill sergeants. One day a drill sergeant was in his face talking to him and literally every time the drill sergeant asked him a question he would just say "No, drill sergeant." Eventually the drill sergeant lost his patience and goes "Stop saying no, dammit!" and like clockwork the trainee goes "No, drill sergeant." Same tone of voice and everything, like he was stuck on repeat. By the time this was over everyone in the bay was doing their damdest not to laugh and you could hear the laughter in the drill sergeant's voice as he said "Stop laughing, it ain't funny." We had some rough times in that unit, but I'm never gonna forget those guys.

One of my funniest stories from when I was in USMC boot camp. While practicing drill a drill instructor asked the guy next to me “Recruit, what is your rifles name?” Recruit next me says a name that I don’t recall. The drill instructor replied “that’s terrible change it, it sounds like a strippers name” The recruit replied “Sir, it’s named after this recruit’s wife.” The drill instructor said “whatever, you probably married a stripper” One of the other drill instructors, kill hat for any Marines that may read this, took his cover (hat for civilians) off to use it to cover his face and fast walked directly into the drill instructor hut. We heard him laughing for a minute before presumably telling the other drill instructors and we heard all the drill instructors start laughing. I asked the instructor at graduation what was the funniest thing to happen and he said it was this moment

I was a hold over and i was sent over to a sister company while my parent company was on a field training exercise. And while me and my battle where reported to the ds at the company we were wearing pt and i was wearing these adidas shoes. The ds looked us up and down and asked me where i got my shoes and stated that he used to have a pair of shoes like those but lost them in a hotel. I just look down and with a straight face look back facing forward and say “I actually found these in a hotel, Drill Sargent.” My battle just shook his head bc most drills didn’t like my dry sense of humor, but this one let out a chuckle and told me to “shut the f*ck up.” He just told us the schedule of formations and tolds use to disappear until then.

During basic prior to 9/11, our guide-on, person marching with our squad's flag, keeps leaning it back like Opie Griffin carrying a fishing poll. After a week or so of not correcting the posture, finally the TI fires him from being the guide-on and makes him get a broom handle, tie a piece of string around the end and go stand at the back of the pad with handle outstretched like hes casting a line in the lake because "he likes to fish so much". He's standing out there for a good 30 minutes "fishing" in the grass off the concrete pad when another TI comes up. New TI starts tugging on the string saying "I think youre getting a nibble there trainee". Then all of the sudden yanks the broom handle and flings it into the grass saying "OMG, its huge and you just let it get away".

Story 26 reminded me of a well deserved smoke session we got. So, we're twords the end of white phase, heading to blue phase. At this point in basic, our platoon is killing it in damn near everything. Our DS's decided to give us a break, some extra time to chill. What do we decided to do? Mfs start playing cards, dice game breaks out. The DS sneaks in the back door.. pretty much catchs everything. Front..Back.. Gooooo! 3 straight hours in a sand pit. We head up to barracks after, just exhausted. The entire bay, beds lockers, everything tossed like a twister blew through. Mind you, this all started at like 19:00. We had about an hour of sleep before PT. Then, we proceed to get smoked by the Senior DS. Lesson learned there.

In basic training doing Fire Guard I went to wake up the next couple of guys a few minutes before mine and my fire buddy was done. One would not get up a kept telling me five more minutes. I got frustrated and turned to get my buddy to wake him up when I see the Drill Seargent ten feet away. He looks at me and points back to the watch desk then places his finger over his mouth. I get back to the desk and my buddy asks "Did so and so get up?" I said "No, but he's about to!" Drill Seargent flipped the sleepy privates bunk and the private got up off the floor screaming profanities. The Drill Seargent took said private to the beach to do PT at 1 in the morning and we did not see that private until regular PT which he still had to do. BTW There are no beaches in Fort Sill Oklahoma.

Oh as a PVT ive got a few. I was more or less the Gomer Pyle of my platoon it was nearing the end of basic train. I had first shift as a CQ runner that night as one of the DS aproached the desk. Said "Privates I'm in a good mood right now, tell me a joke". Without hesitation I replied "DS the only joke i can think of is my performance in basic." He just laughed and walked along. Half way through we got a fresh DS joined our cycle. The other DS's called him "New Boots". While i was in the company AO and one of the DS dared a private to go upstairs and call the New DS, "DS New Boots" 3 mimutes the ceiling above us begins to rattle as i imagine he smoked his platton for finding it funny as the other DS are just laughing there asses off.

That guy who's drill sargeant forgot him sounds like he could be the "completely average in every way" guy from Idiocracy

In the army, I went to basic in the fall season, so we were there during Halloween . On Halloween night we all removed one of our sheets from our bunks and wore them as if we were all ghosts. As the drill Sergeant walked in for toes online, instead of calling At-Ease, we all called out AT-Eeeeeease, while waving about like ghosts. Needless to say the Drill Sargeant was not pleased. Be proceeded to CAPE us. So worth it! 😂😂😂

That goldberg one is priceless. I would have cracked up like crazy after hearing that. Even a couple minutes later it still makes me chuckle.

LMFAO Story 13 must have went through at the same time I went through. This was the Air Force. Yes, she did pose for Playboy. I’ve seen her in person and the photos from the shoot, didn’t disappoint. However, she along with my TIs got caught up in a SA scandal shortly afterward.

Story 18 just made my phone set a damn alarm.

Story 41. He asked where he finished I believe to make sure he didn’t deposit anything anywhere that will cause a “complication”. (To make sure she not gonna come back in a month with a pee stick)

Ex-T.I. here. I've had male trainees from other flights write me love letters, trainees get flustered and call me "Sir" (not done in the Air Force), and female trainees try to say they're not going to participate in PT because they're on their period (yeah, like if you went to war, they would call a cease fire until your period was over).

49:19 "It's a wild racoon Drill Sergeant, we aren't supposed to feed it." This one gets gold, had me howling. Also, bravo for your Drill Sergeant voices.

I was only going to make one comment, but this is too good to pass up. As mentioned in my previous comment, I was a captain, on TDY, at Lackland AFB. I was standing near the entry of barracks 3701 one evening, the bus carrying a load of new recruits pulled up in front of the building. As you can expect, some sort of ordered chaos ensued as the sergeants screamed for the recruits to get off the bus and line up. As the new recruits were still in their civilian clothing, no name tags were available to be easily seen. As you may also expect, the still screaming sergeant would single out certain individuals and ask their name. Given the minimum score required on their military entrance exam is higher than any other branch, it is said that the USAF recruits are the smartest recruits. Well, after witnessing this one recruit - we'll call him John Michael Smith, to protect him from further embarrassment - I'm not so sure about that superior intelligence thing. "What's your name, maggot!?" the sergeant yells out. "John," replies the recruit. "Not your first name, shit for brains. What's your name!?" the sergeant screams. "John Michael Smith," the recruit bellows back "John Michael Smith, what!?" the sergeant screams back, in an attempt to illicit the appropriate recognition of his rank, at the end of the recruit's response. "That's it. There's nothing else. My father is James and I don't have a son, (implying there is no Jr or Sr following his name." In an attempt to set the recruit on the right path, the Sergeant yells out, "John Michael Smith, Sergeant!" After a moment of reflection to take in what he'd just heard, the recruit came back with, "Oh my God! This is amazing! I just got off the bus and you're already making me a sergeant!?" I lost it. The sergeant lost it. The assistant DI lost it. The entire recruiting class lost it! To make matters worse, the sergeant - after recovering from what he'd just heard - in a clear and calm voice inquired, "Did your parents have any kids who lived?" The oblivious recruit replied, "They've got my little brother."

For future reference DFAC (dining facility) isn’t spelled out it’s just pronounced as “DeeFack”.

My friend told me this one when he got back from boot camp in the marines. He was down in California, typical desert area. He was in the outhouse when he noticed a black widow crawling up his leg. He rushes out in a panic, can't remember if he said he was still completely nude or had managed to get his underwear up, but the drill sergeant just happened to be passing by when he jumped out of the outhouse. Cue the awkward moment of silence as they stare at each other before my friend goes, "there's a black widow in the outhouse, sir". Drill sergeant cracks a smile and just tells him to make sure to let someone know and to make sure no one else goes in until they can check it out

1984, one day well into Basic Training, for some reason we were practicing Drill & Ceremony in the company formation area. Stuff like "RIGHT... Face", "LEFT... Face", "PRESENT... Arms." The whole company was snapping off the commands... until... "PRESENT... Arms." Everyone snaps their right hand to the "salute" position. Well, all but one. One trainee in 3rd platoon put his hand out in the German "Heil Hitler" position. Drill Sergeant did not say a word. He just turned and went into the company "day" room. We stood for several minutes at attention while saluting. Drill Sergeant comes back out, gives us a quick "Ready two" then dismisses us... except for Little Adolf whom was taken into the office for counseling. I don't know what happened to the guy. I was in 4th platoon and didn't know him. Some of us didn't know what happened until later when those in 1st squad (who could see him) told us.

Dammit, you just made my Google set an alarm for 1 AM. I am really glad that I caught it and was able to tell Google to cancel it. Other than that it is a great video.

13:56 ROFL: playing Taps for the crap. Too funny!

This was a story that my dad told everyone at his retirement party in the airforce (it wasn’t formal and the story I’m about to tell is just some of the parts I remember) So my dad and this one guy were I guess washing a vehicle or something when the other guy, we’ll call him Jose, he told my dad to hold the hose behind a tire while he turned it on and got some people, I believe he also told my dad to spray whoever came near the vehicle. It started out with a couple people that weren’t really high ranks who all got splashed with water and I guess those people got more people, like people in higher command and from what I heard, some were NCOs. What I remember from my dad telling this story is that he did not get in trouble, which is kind of funny but also logical because most of the bases I know my family has been stationed at were in Florida and Texas. So like I believe Eglin (if that’s how you spell it) Lackland, and Dyess.

15:16 YOU JUST MADE MY GOOGLE SET AN ALARM 😂

This was my story: Air Force BMT in Lackland Texas, that day we had our regular MTI who was a Master Sergeant and a fill-in MTI, SSgt. Tallan. Right as they come into the bay one of my friend’s who’s talking about Sgt. Tallan just says “Tallan”. Without missing a beat, Sgt. Tallan walks right up to him and yells “YOU BETTER FIND ONE PERSON IN THIS DORM NAMED TALLAN” so he made my friend run around the bay screaming “Tallan” over and over. Our MSgt. sprinted to the flight office covering his face and shut the door while that happened, we could hear him howling with laughter in there. I don’t know how anyone else kept their composure during this. I don’t even know how I managed to.

9:45 That phrase means getting slopoy seconds from someone who is more endowed than the speaker.

Who else had their Google set an alarm for 1 am?

not too long ago when i was at JBSA lackland for air force BMT, we were in class and the MTI teaching it was by far our favorite for classes. He would tell us stories of his time (like the time he invented the selfie while on a jet ride with a one star), which included this one time when he was leading a flight for the 322nd (boo, roll gator roll) and there was a dorm chief that was telling his flight mates to be quiet and go to sleep. one of these trainees didn't like that so he threw a banana that he took from the DFAC and hadn't eaten yet. The banana ended up hitting the dorm chief in the eyes blinding him for a few weeks, and when this MTI heard of it he smoked everyone for hours until he realized that only 2 trainees had brought bananas from the DFAC. with this information he told the 2 trainees to meet him in his office and it took less than a second for the innocent kid to rat out the guilty one. The trainee that threw the banana was then known as the banana bandit and was sent to jail for assault, while the dorm chief joined the ranks of the waiver warriors sitting at the special table, having to be guided by another trainee since he couldn't see well now, seeing this for their remaining weeks at BMT made the MTI chuckle a little just seeing the dorm chief being guided by the other trainee. there was also a tale of gargoyling gone wrong (for those that don't know, this is when you strip butt naked and perch yourself at the top of the wall in between the bays) anyways one kid did this, and pounced on an MTI, it was at that moment he knew, he done f**ked up. And then another another time, there was a flight that reported that someone was sucking on peoples toes at night. If anyone gets the pleasure of meeting this kind of short Asian MTI who plans on retiring soon, you're gonna get some really funny stories.

My bunkmate spilled liquid boot polish on the deck and spent the hour scrubbing the deck instead of cleaning his rifle. During the rifle inspection, the drill instructor screamed, "Stevie Wonder can see the dirt on this rifle." We all lost it and started laughing, which sent the drill instructors into a frenzy

Bring back the gaming videos in the background please, not a fan of the current visuals

In basic we had a pvt, we'll call him slow. Those who know him understand. We were told that the 3 drawer shelf in our locker was never to be used as a chair. One day were sitting in our room waiting for the next task of the day. I look over to see pvt slow doing exactly what he isn't supposed to. Side note, our lockers were so touchy that barely grazing it would alert the whole room. Somehow, our ds snuck into our room and on top of slow's locker without a sound. He peers over the top inside the locker. "How's it going?" Upon hearing the ds speak, he looks up and proceeds to bounce like a pinball inside his locker in sheer panic. Took everything I had to not piss myself laughing.

during BT.. US Army, first day to train with our m16.. we were all siting cross leg on the ground clean white towel in front of us.. and cleaning gear of to my right... the drill instructor. On his platform telling us about the m16 you know the drill if you were in the army... now he was going to instruct us on how to take apart the m16and clean it( little note here my Father is a U.S Marine.. and i went to ROTC in high school, oceanside ca. and i have been on the rifle range many times and knew how to take care of my weapon. So i had many hours with my dear friend and how to disassemble it and clean it ) well my DI said i am going to show you how to disassemble this weapon. i heard disassemble..i picked up my m16. skipped the ring of the lower stock.. removed the hand stock, press out the two pin to remove the trigger mech.. you know the rest... but i was fast... really fast at this.. after i disassembled my weapon.. i had all the parts laying nice and neat, in front of me.. the place went dead silent.. i took a quick glance at my buddies next to me.. that were all looking at the DI.. with a certain sense of fear in there eyes..i looked up at the DI.. he had those laser beam eyes hunting down my 18 year old .hide,,, he walked over to me and asked this question...private where did you learn to disassemble this weapon so fast.?. I stood up . Drill Sargent sir., and very proudly said sir, My Dad Is a U S Marine.. at that point i realized that really not the best answer...i was doing soo many push ups after that i i walked around a corner, and if he was there..i was doing push up... it was kinda hard to avoid him for the next six weeks...

Aus army veteran here (infantry), one of the most memorable moments here, shortly after being posted, there was a particular morning where we had nothin on, so we were told to hurry up and wait. 3 hours pass, still nothin, so one of the guys, bright eyed country boy, walks up to our sergeant, and asks: “Sarge what are we doing today?” Without skipping a beat, our sergeant, giving 0 fucks, flops out his nutsack, shakes it at the poor boy and says: “ya see these? My balls are oval and hairy, not round and crystal, I cant see into the future, piss off!” Needless to say, country boy was stunned, the rest of us just cracked up laughing, poor fella got an eyeful 😂

Got punished with 2 guys from my flight for 3 hours for getting the whole flight singing the lion sleeps tonight and CQ checked in while we were singing. The DI in charge that night recycled me out of his flight a few weeks prior. 😂😂

15:16 Why did you trigger my Google? Now I have to deal with a 1:00 AM alarm!

I always eat the whole apple, just not the stem or leaf

That flashlight with the yellow plastic thing at the end is called a “Lackland Lazer.” Also, the table at the head of the chow hall where all the TIs eat is called the “Snake Pit.” At least, that’s what they were called when I was in BMTS.

Whatever. I had a recruit Gay and a recruit Manlove in my platoon in boot camp. DI's absolutely shredded these two. Made them rack mates and battle buddies. Hilarious ever single time a DI or an officer saw them together. Try and beat that. Anything you think might have been said was and then some.

I have two from my experience in 2002 at Fort Sill, OK, for Basic and AIT. Also, one of Drill Sergeants in AIT became my Platoon Sergeant a few years later when we went to Afghanistan. 1. In AIT we had a DS in the Battalion that was a literal psycho in the stuff he would do. The guy would crawl through the a/c ducts, pop up behind fire guard and mark them with a red marker. He would then systematically do the same to every sleeping Private in the bay until someone woke up. The bad part? He wasn't even in my training Battery (Company for Artillery) but one of sister Batteries and he wasn't allowed in our area. If we ever saw him we were to report him to our DS's immediately. The guy was known for smoking sessions so bad he would dehydrate the Private, give them an IV, and then continue smoking them after the bag was drained and needle removed. He was kicked out a month into my training cycle. 2. My actual first and middle names are Jon and Wayne, respectively. The Drills didn't know until out 3rd week when we started Phase Testing (basically a way to ensure you and the rest of your trainees know what they taught you). During the testing my DS looks at my card and says "holy shit, we have a John Wayne here!" The drill pad went silent for a moment and then the Senior DS came up and told me to unbutton my chip strap on my helmet and if anyone else asks why and if I think I'm John Wayne, then I'm to reply in my best voice with "Why yes I do, [insert title/rank]." The next six weeks were hell as we wore helmets daily to the ranges and for other required events. I'd be smoked by DS's from other units for my remark, have to button the chin strap, be seen by my DS, get smoked for not having it undone. Rinse and repeat.

Damn i was asked almost the same shit as a house mouse. "Private, What makes bootcamp like prison?" And I responded with (for unknown reasons, I hadnt had any sleep on two days) "sir, it's because when we drop the soap, the instructors fuck us up." And i got the kill hat to reverse snort their water. For context, i dint remember the dudes name but we called him snowball, had dropped a bottle of soap and caused one of the bigger dudes to slip and fall. We promptly got smoked after we finished showering.

I have several stories from when I was in bootcamp on MCRD Parris island but this one in particular is a few weeks after my knee blows out: I was in my recovery platoon on my way into chow and our DI(if that’s what you wanna call a soft spoken guy who doesn’t care what you do but lets call him Sgt. Anderson) was talking to a recruit about his little issue he was having and the recruit straight up asked: “sir, can this recruit have a hug?” About 30 of us started laughing but the DI looks at me and says: “you think that’s funny?” I said: “yes sir considering you would smoke him at any given moment” the DI gives me a subtle hint of that’s what he’s gonna do and said: “Reinhold here might have a shitty knee but that doesn’t mean he can’t get smoked all the same.” Then the DI’s friend who was the first guy I met while getting situated, called me desk job and like 45 marines started hollering that to me and I kinda became the front man of every joke.

Best line I ever heard while in basic that made the drill Sargent actually laugh. “Warrior what the hell is wrong with you? Why did you shit your pants?” “I was dropped on my head as a baby drill Sargent.

during basic training i was given the call sign joker. the reason was because of a response i gave one of our Drill instructors. the dis used to go into the office and take bites out of onions and garlic before coming out and doing inspections. the effect was horrid breath. one of the instructors began yelling in my face about a thread showing on my uniform. when i grimaced at the smell of his breath. he yelled even louder "what's the mater private do you not like the smell of my breath!" without hesitating i said. "no drill Sergent but could you please ask your wife to wipe the other direction." he could not help himself and he died laughing. he then called over the other drill instructors and had me repeat my response. they all laughed. and i got out of pt that morning.

The drill sergeant with the lazy eye made me crack up a little, my dad has a lazy eye and i say similar things to him all the time

I got the nickname “Hollywood” when my DI told me to give him diamonds forever… “One ever, two ever, three ever, four ever!!! Permission to pop tall Sir!!!” Managed to make him chuckle and I only had to do 4 diamonds 😉👍

"Sucratti, I've yelled at you so much I have a sore throat. From now on your name is Sucrets." "Reynolds, you wrap me up." "I'M NOT A SIR! I'M A SERGEANT MAJOR!"

15:17 that made my Alexa play the song XD

No personal stories, but my dad had to go to law enforcement park ranger training in North Carolina. I should add he is born and raised in Maine. First day, dad and his fellow students are in a high-school gymnasium when in walks a gentleman. He's burly, red hair, mustache, covered in tattoos, a wad of chewing tobacco in one cheek, and says, " 'case ya'll didn't know, my name's Macky, and I'll be yer drivin' and firearms instructor. Any o' ya'll got any questions?" My dad raised his hand and asked, then instantly got interrupted. "Well boy, you talk funny. You sound like you're from round massa-two-shits way." "Actually, a bit higher than that." "...not Maine..." "Well then, Mr. Maine! You know that line you passed 'round Maryland like?" "Well yeah, the Mason Dixon line." "Well that line's there fer a reason!" Kinda set the mood of my dad's whole time there. Macky REFUSED to call my dad by name and would only ver call him "Maine" or "The Token Yankee." Lmfao.

22:58 For those who don’t know, Lackland AFB (AirForce Base) is in San Antonio Texas, you’re welcome.

I would ask my Privates “What flavour were the windows on the short bus that you rode to school?” By week 6, my platoon answered in unison “Snozberry Drill Sergeant!” I had to walk away to regain composure.

I was ordered during weekend national guard training (yeah. I know. Was pre basic 20 years ago. Sue me) that when I turn in my weapon to the NCO, instead of sounding off that it was clear, I had to say 'No rubber bullets, Sergeant'. As I was the comedian of the group, this happened often. The Sergeants that ordered me to do this did my push ups next to me, all laughing, while I got screamed at that a rubber bullet was a gloved finger up the ass.

15:55 the delayed “… what the HELL?” dude 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Damn it. My Google alarm got set for 1 PM!