DUNGEONS & DRAGONS - Bad D&D Movies Part Two | Cynical Reviews 

Wouldn't be a video without at least one screw-up. I meant Chris Tucker, not Chris Rock. For whatever reason, I wrote it down wrong in the script and didn't catch myself when I was recording. My bad. And yes, I know Tom Baker was in this. It was just one of many things I didn't get around to addressing. You may be able to tell, but I’ve been quite ill over the past week while trying to get this video done, which is why I look a bit rough! I was also intending to use more appropriately-themed music, but I didn’t manage to decide on any, so resorted to my usual background loop. Hope you enjoy it regardless! Big thanks once again to all my lovely Patrons and Channel Members. If you like my videos, consider becoming a Patron or Channel Member yourself: www.patreon.com/CynicalReviews ru-vid.com/show-UC1DCPS2j-o0bvfIilkc8RSwjoin $20 - Definitely Not A Furry Michael Lowe - $100! $10 - Probably Not A Furry Boring AF Brian Christensen Chewzilla Raddels Scottish Twolves Fan $5 - Active Homosexuloid Anna Marta Batog Avery Swanson Fona AL-mansour Francisco J. Fritz Konnor Johnson Michael Evans $5- Channel Members Boring AF Bryan James Moore KrashandBurn Ray Slocumb William Morrison $2 - Proven Homosexuloid Carolin Tomczak Carsten Krogh-Simonsen DaLoveDocta69AllDay Dorron Hopeman Fithen Gulferamus Henry Joakim Myhre Lee Stewart Maff Gibson Martha W Matthew McKenzie Michael Barnes Muki Raven’s Cry William Hornstra Woad Warrior Art Zoraprincess91 $1 - Homosexuloid Carla Hoffman Carol-ann Teasdale Clarissa Wee Daemonumcamo Dawid Gołosz Georgina Smith Luke Swales Munchman Myuu chu Nicki Purnell Pan Manis Philip Emmerson Takayo Susukida Wayne Bawden Winters

We all know Monty Python is the closest thing to how a DnD campaign ACTUALLY pans out

Jeremy Irons is the kinda villain I'd expect from a DM who's chugged half a bottle of vodka

It's ironic, in spite of how massive the these huge dragons teeth are, it's actually Jeremy Irons who ended up chewing the scenery...

Can we all take a minute to appreciate the fact that we got LOTR one year after this

Jeremy Irons knew exactly what kind of movie he was in and what sort of performance was required. Everyone else misses the mark.

"Please Jeremy. That scenery has a family!"

At least Jeremy Irons looks like he's having fun

Dude this movie is actually pretty funny if you picture a group of people playing this adventure. Like when Ridley somehow deciphered the map. The player playing him probably put some points in "decipher script" and probably rolled a nat 20 on the attempt. If you imagine that this adventure is actually a game and the actors' performances are actually the performances of the people sitting around the table, this comedy actually seems like a loving tribute to D&D and on that level I think it's pretty good.

Never let it be said that Jeremy Irons doesn't give it his all... Bless

Bad as it may be, I love this movie. Thora Birch was such a dead weight in every scene that Jeremy Irons decided to act enough for the both of them. This movie is amazing.

“I’d just bought a castle.” Well if that’s not a good enough excuse, I don’t know what is.

4:12 "Snails is what happens when you make _everything_ your dump stat." Snails is the human incarnation of Jar-Jar Binks. Go on, try to convince me otherwise. At least he gets himself killed off, which Jar-Jar never managed to, more is the pity. And Snails did not enable a Sithlord to become Emperor. So that's a point in his favour.

This film was inadvertently hilarious. It's the "Room" for fantasy.

Jeremy Irons isn’t just chewing the scenery. He’s mashing it into little bits with a Ginsu, fricaseeing it, swallowing it, and crapping it out. Hey at least he looks like he’s having fun with it.

CJ: How could she lose in this situation? She's got an army of dragons! They have a couple mages with fireball and some scorpions! JoCat: what's your point person within fireball distance?

Thora Burch was chosen as her similar looks to the Childlike Empress in the first neverending story. That was my belief the moment I saw it in the theaters. Yes. I am that old

More reason to love Jeremy Irons. He did this film to pay for his castle in Cork. I'm gonna take a road trip one day and pay my respects to that pink castle.

Someone give Jeremy Irons an award and a chiropractor for carrying this film.

I feel like Jeremy Irons KNEW this movie was going to be trash so he just went full scenery chewing mode to try to salvage SOMETHING from the experience.

The way they could have saved this was very subtle musical cues like dice rolling during major actions, and then at the end pulling back from the world to reveal it was a bunch of teenagers in a basement playing an adventure and their silly In Character roleplaying is why the characters were so flat, unlikable, or bizarre. Of course, then you'd need to have the teen actors give believable performances as D&D nerds for the last few minutes of the film. Edit: Jeremy Irons clearly needs to be the DM of said game.

Much like Tommy Lee Jones as Two-Face in Batman Forever, you could tell Jeremy Irons realised what kind of movie they were making and said "Ah well, might as well have fun with it!"

"Imagine a Rogue multiclassed with an idiot"... sooo an average Rogue then.

The behind the scenes stuff on this flick is pretty interesting. The original FX company stole the cash and ran, delivering hardly any footage. This meant a few key scenes never got finished, and the rest were done on the cheap. Not going to say the film would have been GOOD with this script, but at least it might have been coherent.

I tested Marina's "I'm not!" on my cat, I can confirm she did NOT like it.

The actor who played Ripley also portrayed Jimmy Olsen on The New Adventures of Lois and Clark. I will always have a soft spot for him (nostalgia).

I love this movie simply because it as a 100% accurate depiction of the average DnD group.

CJ: They run into a dwarf named Elwood... Me: ...and he's on a mission from God!

Williams: "But what are your qualifications?" James Cameron: "Well, I directed the good Terminator movies, made the first Star Wars movies good with only last minute editing and sound design, turned a tech demo into the highest grossing movie of all time, and made an anime movie that wasn't absolute garbage." Williams: "Hmm, Nah, I think we should hire a person who has never directed a movie, nor has any interest in directing, direct this movie."

"Imagine a rogue multiclassed with an idiot." So... A rogue. ;)

4:54. Chris Tucker was in The Fifth Element not Chris Rock fyi

So most of the budget was Jeremy Irons paycheck.

In some parallel universe, there exists a version of this movie directed by James Cameron. Oh man, how I would have loved to see that version.

Why does the main character look like Denny from The Room?

"i hadn't seen it in almost 20 years" my dude I thought you were 20 at best

Jeremy Irons is pure gold in this film, he is just hamming it up, and chewing the scenery to such an extent he is clearly having a blast not giving any fucks.

1. I cheered when Snails died in the theater. 2. Despite this, Snails making fun of Damodar when he's in his room, "I'm DAMODAR!" is the funniest line in the film. It's like the movie being self-aware for just a moment. 3. The best characters were the ones who just hammed it up, i.e. Profion and Silas. 4. One of my friends made the, "give me the rod!" joke as we left the theater. How the writers didn't see that coming, I've no idea.

*☼ he didnt just pay for the castle; he used the film budget to renovate it **_"for the shoot"_* . impressive.

The greatest DnD movie of all time. I mean, you've got Jeremy Irons trying to out act his own eyebrows!

13:20 Of course he missed stepping on the scroll, they only had the one prop scroll and didn't want to damage it.

16:09 Oh damn. They roped in Tom Baker too? Poor guy.

Wait a minute. Princess, who controls dragons, and wants to bring about a society for the common people? This is just Daenerys Targaryen but without anything interesting

Jeremy Irons was the only good part of the movie, he seemed to know this was going to be a dumpster fire and simply acted like it was a LARP.

"Are you sure you want to do that?" Ahhhh a question I've been given way too many times with my character who has a -4 intelligence modifier.

13:49 -fun fact, that weird tentacle brain thing in Damadar's head is supposed to be a mind flayer. Yeah... the director thought that just showing an octopus-headed creature mind-controlling him would not have made people understand, so we got... this. Or maybe they wanted to portray ceremorphosis, in which case... WTF? It's not how that works. Nor could wizard cure him... you need a priest for that.

Ahem. "I paid cash money to see this in the theater." - end of confession.

There are lots of good D&D movies. The trick is that none of them are named D&D. ;)

When Monty Python can make a better D&D campaign than this movie

0:15 So _that's_ where Joseph Anderson got his profile pic from. Makes sense.

What? The Empress declared everyone is equal and all those Lawful Stupids in Rotten Tomatoes didn't give this film a 98% fresh rating?

The woman who played the queen. She looks a lot like the girl from The Neverending Story.

Unrelated to the video, but I've just noticed how cool the new thumbnails are. Nice work dude!

Snail's death is a prime example of why you "never split the party"

What you don't want to see a DM do: Raise an eyebrow. What you do want to see a DM do: Rip up their notes. The first is certain death, the second is also probably eventually certain death... but more entertaining.

Those reports that people cheered when Snails got killed? Confirmed. Was there, watched in disbelief at this … mess and cheered myself, together with the rest of the audience ...

Hey Cynical Review, I laughed my azz off at the wanting to cast deafness & blindness on yourself. Thanks for the video & have a great day.

At 10:03 Damadar says”Post brigades at every sewer entrance and exit.” Guarding every sewer exit I understand, but wouldn’t the other part of his command mean posting a brigade at everyone’s privy? Everyone would have to go passed a brigade of guards to use the lavatory.

As much of a disaster this movie may be, it was a huge factor for getting me hooked on D&D (after the Baldur's Gate games) when I was a kid. Still worth a watch every now and then for the nostalgia alone, not to mention the fact that bad movies is best movies.

Jeremy Irons in a nutshell Lion King: hay your gonna be voice acting but we just need your charming voice! This movie: hay your gonna be acting but we need to change your voice!

I'ma be honest I was rooting for Jeremy Irons in this movie. Not because the protagonists, though they were just trash, I just enjoyed Jeremy Irons character that much.

OK, I know I am drooling all over these comment sections, but I had to say that I genuinely laughed out loud multiple times watching this. And your DM "Are you sure you want to do that?" brought back many great, yet somewhat traumatic, memories.

I am soooo excited, i even made a bag of popcorn for this

I watched this movie for the first time today with a few friends who recommended it. It was one hour and forty three minutes of pure glory. I have never laughed this hard at *comedy* movies, let alone movies that are supposed to be suspenseful and action packed. My DM in a Discord D&D game suggested watching it, rented it on RU-vid, and we saw nothing but a black screen (RU-vid has some system to prevent you from sharing rented movies). Luckily for me, through some horrific series of events, I happen to have the movie on DVD. I plugged it in, and the moment it started it was laughter and "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!" all the way through. The awful CGI, the fucking atrocious dialogue, the way none of the actors gave a shit, the way Jeremy chewed the fucking scenery, *THE FUCKING ENDING.* Horrific perfection all the way through. If you ever get the chance, look at the deleted scenes, they are just as fucking glorious as the rest of the movie. The alternate ending made me simultaneous throw a fit of rage and howl with laughter, *BECAUSE IT WAS THE SUPERIOR ENDING.* And the scene inside the scroll: "The only thing I'm seeking is a way outta here." *"YOU MUST SEEK THE ROD."* I was dying of laughter the whole time. It is the worst movie I have *ever* seen, I rate it 10000/10.

D&D wasn’t nominated for any Razzie Award, but if it was… • Worst Picture • Worst Director for Courtney Solomon • Worst Actor for Justin Whalin • Worst Supporting Actor for Jeremy Irons • Worst Supporting Actor for Marlon Wayans • Worst Supporting Actress for Thora Birch • Worst Supporting Actress for Zoe McLellan • Worst Screen Couple for Jeremy Irons and either Bruce Payne or his performance full of ham • Worst Screen Ensemble • Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel • Worst Screenplay for Carroll Cartwright and Topper Lilien

Jeremy doesn’t do dishes. Jeremy doesn’t wash windows. But Jeremy Irons.

My ex made me watch Rocky Horror Picture Show a million times so seeing Richard O’Brien in this is the only other thing I’ve seen him in. Wild

This is the one that is like a DMs first campaign with first time players

You should review "The Gamers: Dorkness rising". It is required watching for all of our game groups for no other reason then we love it. It's technically a sequel but you really don't have to watch the first one. Even that low budget film has so much more to it than this movie.

Oh god I remember this being on the telly

You neglected to mention that the Fellowship of the Ring came out just 1 year after this piece of trash.

'Noodly appendages'? Chris is a Pastafarian, confirmed!

In fairness to Dungeons and Dragons. The main characters (PC's) are on par with every PC i've ever played with. The antagonists are also on par with what my DM usually does. This is a very accurate representation of DnD.

Awwww that cat, I wanna snuggle.

When this hit theaters, I was going to see this with a friend of mine who was also into D&D until I saw clips. I convinced him to go with me to see Dude, Where's My Car? instead and he was mad at me until he finally saw this. Only time he ever apologized to me.

For a while, when I learned how wretched this movie is, I’d begun cooking up a DND story that none of my player friends wanted any part of because I’m a sadistic bastard! Premise: Within the realm of Ravenloft, under the sway of Count Strahd von Fothermucking Zarovich himself, rests a guild accepting only the wretches and unwanted of the world. Monsters make up the guild, serving as Strahd’s agents outside the realm of which he can’t leave. They inform him of the outside world, educate him on current events, and assist in furthering his goals to expand his influence. The party we follow: a tanarukk which had left her tribe to seek greater challenges, an ilithid which survived the destruction of his elder brain & thus his group, a raptoran that believes anarchy to be the truest form of freedom, a shadar-kai explorer whose appreciation for Strahd’s cold &. calculating behavior is less than professional, and a Yagnoloth serving as an agent of Strahd for a price in the hopes of gaining the powerful Vampire’s aid in any/all efforts of Yugoloth society. This is a *very* bare bones premise that needs to be worked out way more than it currently is. Basically, it’d be this party fucking shit up in the Prime Material World on Strahd’s behalf, with politics being involved as the Vampire seeks to increase his influence further than his realm. Would this be a good movie? Doubtful given that this assortment of characters would clash more than mesh, something that movie-goers wouldn’t be so keen on observing. The idea for a campaign, however, is amusing to say the least.

0:02 I thought this was Jordan Peterson and I was very confused

"Don't hurt her!" "Then give me the ROD!".... Dost that rod contain charges of grease? Perhaps as that cast by a 5th level anxious teenager?

Are you familiar with "In the Name of the King" with Jason Statham?

12:15 Someone finally made a reference to the Crystal Maze! But you should've played the theme when the main hero was trying to get the eye.

jeremy irons can save any movie he's in! just look at eragon, he's amazing in that and the movie is trash

That thumbnail did NOT have to be the first thing I saw when I first opened up this app.

How to make a fantasy movie if out of ideas 1. Steal theme, setting, and character tropes from Tolkien 2. Add more special effects and fancy magic woo 3. Giant dragon/orc/demon boss fight at the end 4. Profit

Years later, are you going to take a swing at the new one?

Clearly they must do it themselves because she knew Snails chances of dying would increase dramatically, conveniently freeing her from a very annoying suitor who doesn't understand she's just not that into him.

At least this movie gave us Jeremy Irons chewing the scenery hard. He's obviously having fun, so props to that.

the fact that he doesn't acknowledge that the king of the elves is Doctor Who probably makes it funnier.

The "I'M NOT!" AT 16:27 actually scared my cat too.

What the fuck! That would be terrifying if that many dragons were flying around. Also, what kind of party is this?! Two rogues, one mage, no healers or frontline fighters like a fighter or a paladin.

I remember seeing this in the theater, and when Damodar showed up in the opening shot with his blue lipstick the whole crowd burst into laughter.

“Money, Dear Boy” is a trope for a reason. I hope he liked his castle, he earned it!

To be honest, at 5:24 the "I'm Damadar!" Line caught me off guard and made me laugh. Sorry Cynical, XD, I couldn't help it

I think the thing in damador is a baby illithid. The mind reading the tendrils the horrid pain. Checks all the boxes

10:45 "So the pre-eminent scholar couldn't decipher the scroll, but Riddley is somehow able to because his dad did something similar, apparently?" IN GAME: the Mage is out of 1st level spells (so no more Read Magic or Comprehend Languages) and so the Rogue says "dude, i'm 10th level, can't i do something...?" "[sigh] roll under 5%."

I'm so glad that you showed the hair on her chin line. That is by far the best line in the whole movie. Cracks me up everytime.

That's clearly not a dwarf Barbarian, he's wearing Chainmail. Probably a fighter.

0:14. Small detail, I just recognized: Why IS the Title of the mid D&D Blu-Ray in German?!

"you GOT to be joking"will be my standard reply to anything from now on. And I will forever hunt for that creepy lipstick

Now I'm interested in seeing a movie adaptation of "Tomb of Horrors" (especially since the movie adaptation of "Ready Player One" chose not to include the sequence from the book). It would be like a slasher film with a fantasy theme.

“Imagine a rogue multiclassed with an idiot” So a rogue then?

"His noodley appendages"? But, he doesn't have meatballs, nor is he flying...