Eight Signs of a Good Counselor / Therapist 

The best mental health clinician I've been fortunate to work with (for depression and suicidal ideation) was a psychiatrist, who was extremely adept at "reading between the lines" and helping me to clarify feelings and thoughts I wasn't very good at expressing or processing. She had all eight of these attributes, and more. When she moved from the US to Costa Rica with her husband, three years into therapy, I was devastated. But after she left, I realized that she had taught me so much, and that I could function pretty well, using the therapeutic gifts she had given me. She was the greatest blessing and worth her weight in gold!

Knowing when to stop talking is huge. I once went to a counselor who wanted to share *her* life story! That was her stated reason for becoming a counselor! I was happy to hear her particular story if it applied to me, but I couldn't believe she stated it as the reason for her to become a counselor. It was so upside down.

My old therapist used to tell me that I taught her more than she taught me. While this was sort of flattering, i found it to be unprofessional & dismissive of my struggles. Because of my intelligence level, according to her, I think she didn’t realize how much I was suffering, mainly because I could pull myself together for sessions and because of my style of speaking. She would also get offended when I would challenge her belief systems (bluntly but politely). I never felt like I accomplished anything after sessions. I was dismissed when I brought up that I suspected I have Aspergers, and she thought I was mentally insane when I told her about my synesthesia, which is a neurological condition one is born with, not a mental illness. Very frustrating. Maybe with these tips I will be able to find a therapist I resonate with. I have had 4 different ones and none of them were productive for me. I like your presentation style.

Thank you for both videos • Eight signs of a good counselor • Six signs of a bad counselor

Im in college right now to become a psychologist. It makes me really confident and happy that my personality dimensions are congruent to a good counselor. Thank you Dr. Grande, gives me another great reason to do this as a career

As a future counselor, this is extremely helpful. Thank you!

I like your list but I think you are forgetting personal warmth and genuine caring.

I had a counselor who learned EMDR to treat me, meant the world to me and it helped immensely.

Excellent list. I've been doing counseling for a little while and I appreciate your points. I'd add being willing to admit mistakes and openness to trying new approaches when one doesn't work to this list.

1. 👂👂👂listening , 2. rogerian reflective talk promotes positive engagement, 3. challenge the clients personal values behavior conflicts with societal norms , 4. knowledge of dsm and research, 5. remember the aim of the client and goal for both, 6. ability to parry projection transference, 7. boundary respect, 8. acknowledge individual phenomenology ie they are not the same as any prior client or case study though some symptoms may dovetail, 9. Ability to parse the layer cake of the clients experiential shadow, 10 ability to direct client toward some intermediate and long term goals ie process development, 11. Avoid Personal aggrandizement as a miracle worker or failure to break through clients defenses, 12 . Realistically a counselor helps more with coping and adjustments than cures, 13. knowledge of physical health and pharmacology more often than not theres an associative physical symptom . 14. 👂🦉👀🙌🤜🤛😀😁😂🤣😃😄😅😆😉😊😋😎😍😘🥰😗😙😚☺️🙂🤗🤩🤔🤨😐😑😶🙄😏😣😥😮🤐😯😪😫😴😌😛😜😝🤤😒😓😔😕🙃🤑😲☹🙁😖😞😟😤😢😭😦😧😨😩🤯😬😰😱🥵🥶😳🤪😵😡😠🤬😷🤒🤕🤢🤮🤧😇🤠🥳🥴🥺🤥🤫🤭🧐🤓☻😈👿🤡👹👺💀☠👻 logotherapy .

My counselor is fairly new in the field and that made me a little apprehensive since I was worried i would be quite a challenge for her as far as me having a personality disorder but she is displaying all 8 signs ☺ thanks for this.

I've had a few therapists whom I thought genuinely cared and who were kind and accepting of me. I had a few who seemed dismissive of me, to the point of feeling disliked by them. One was very realistic, but she was very cold and clinical. The turning point for me was when I was beginning to cry at the end of a session and she pretty abruptly said time was up and ushered me out, without addressing that. I had a few who were nice, but who never challenged my negative thoughts, to the point of enabling severely disturbing and irrational thoughts and behaviors. I've never had a therapist who was simultaneously warm and caring to me, kind and empathetic, and who also challenged me or helped me question my thoughts. My last therapist was pretty good, I think she truly cared, but she also let me go off on my own and kind of process everything myself. She was there more as a guide. I have a ton of self-awareness and insights, so it seemed like I was doing most of the work to come to conclusions or insights, and she would just chime in to point those in the track of mindfulness or whatever program we were basing stuff on. It was nice, but it didn't do much for me. I mean to be fair, I made a lot of progress, but most of it was done on my own outside of therapy. That's why I stopped going after maybe 8 months. It wasn't worth it to go talk to her because after a while I felt like I could do what she was doing on my own. I still feel like I could benefit from talking to a mental health professional, but I don't want blind agreeableness or a weak understanding. To be frank, I feel like there are a lot of people who go to therapy to deal with one or two specific issues, maybe situational, and they need someone to guide them in that situation for the time, they need someone to listen to them and validate them and their feelings. I feel like too many therapists only really do the listening part and validating part, and don't do the actual specific work part. I don't need to go to a therapist to vent or express my emotions to someone. If I go to a therapist, its to work through some chronic , comorid, and complicated mental illnesses and life events. I don't need to vent to a therapist; I need their help actually instructing me on how to work and improve these things. And so right now I am working on many skills I learned in therapy, but it was from group DBT therapy, not from individual therapy. If I had no social supports then yes, being able to vent to a therapist would be useful, as it is for many people. But I want concrete advice, opinions, suggestions, feedback, not just unconditional positive regard.

I have been in contact with different counsellors since 13 years ago, when I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I will never forget the best counsellor I had, and the reason why she was the best for me, it is because she made me feel that she truly cared. She even got emotional at some point, and that made me feel that it was ok for me not to be always pretending that I was fine. That my feelings were valid. I remember she sometimes looked at me and didn't say anything, just gave me that space for me to settle. And what a caring and loving way she had to ask the right questions to make me realise where some issues were coming from. When you come from an outside world where bipolar disorder is linked to danger and crime by so many people, feeling cared about is life.

My best counselors were compassionate and showed genuine interest in me and my issues. They also set goals for me and guided me toward making healthy changes in my life. They gave me homework and effective methods for changing thought processes and behaviors. For example, EFT was one technique/tool that actually helped change negative emotions.

I wish you were my counselor! These are great tips

The best therapists I had drew from personal experience. They were able to heal from some major trauma in their lives, and without going into too much personal detail, gave me practical hands-on suggestions that I was able to apply successfully to my own life.

Could you do a video about signs of a good therapeutic relationship?

As a counselor in training, challenging a client can be difficult but I've come to learn the necessity and have found an empathetic way of doing so. Being realistic is also a quality that I've come to learn is a necessity which can go hand in hand with challenging a client's ambiguous cognitions. It requires balance of positive and negative emotions to help a client remain aware of their reality when necessary. Furthermore, silence is a salient skill in counseling as it provides the client the opportunity and space to elaborate and process as well for the counselor the ability to track the conversation. The skills that Dr. Grande has discussed are important to be an effective and competent counselor.

Thank you so much for these videos on mistakes and bad therapy, I've been treated a team of therapists who refused to admit to any mistakes and acted like I owed them my trust, even after I had a traumatic experience in therapy, and videos like these are really helping me to regain perspective.

There is no point challenging a client unless 1) you know him/her enough to be able to fairly ascertain his/her thought patterns, and 2) you know when and how to do it. A client needs to feel safe enough before s/he can face an issue without being judged or steered.

Would you please do a video on EMDR? Your input would be much appreciated. 🙏

Interesting video. I agree with those signs you picked. My therapist now is great and I’m loving working with her. While I listened to your video, I was remembering times she did those things. She goes back to previous topics and I appreciate she remembers the things I talk about; she’s okay with silence, which I think is nice too because it respects me “needing some time to organize my thoughts” sometimes; she also challenges me and points out things I’m trying to express that contradict what I’m saying, for example.

Very helpful and validating too. My third try at a counselor -- about halfway thru our 1st session said: 'Earth to Lynda...Earth to Lynda...' and I loved him for it (normal patient/counselor respect). He gave me homework! And I did It and It Helped. Wow. That was years ago and now whenever I get too burdened and distracted I think of him and I return to earth. He's moved on to greater things now and so have I. Damn you're good.

Every person needs a different type of councler. I was abused as a child, as a client, there are times where I kinda become that scared child again. My best match is a lady I found who has worked with children and the school system. She knows how to press or back off as needed. She understands where I am coming from.

I learned a lot about using silence many years ago because of weekly sessions with a guy who had been in prison for 10 years and was only in his mid-30s. He was a very deliberate thinker and took his time telling me things about his life. I learned that, if I could just sit quiet a little longer, I'd get more of the story at his pace. I focused on breathing slowly to calm down my own anxiety about how long he took to answer questions and explain things and I was able to be silent and wait. It was a wonderful experience working with him.

I'm starting counseling again tomorrow. After about a year. Yrs ago when I was 20ish counselors were impeccable. Truly. I healed so much. Today 2 decades later as I revisit issues at new stages of my life- my last two in 2 yes were something from twolite zone. One was in her car on her phone screaming I've been there for you!! As I was informing her I was choosing to move on. She often cancelled last minute one time she said she was at a funeral and forgot. Ugh. The other counselor sat and glanced at her smart watch and talk about her young daughter. I had never in my 1st 20yrs ever had anything remotely close to happening. Tomorrow when I go I will kindly let my new therapist know my expectations as she will let me know her. I pray for a perfect fit ( think she had been practicing in FL about 15 to 20 yrs ) She does emdr and is faith based; that is a good start for me. Thank you Dr Grande for the support. I am healing from d.i.d.

Dr. Grande have you just described yourself to a tee? 😋

thank you. I'm starting therapy with a new counselor on Monday. I can usually tell if the " fit" is right and this video will be of help too.

I've seen other professionals on RU-vid analyze the movie versions of their field. It would be cool if you did something like that. You could call it: "Psychoanalysis in the movies" or something. Maybe do "Good Will Hunting" as your first movie. Just a thought.

I think a basic quality in a Counsellor is having Rapport with the client if they dont have that then the therapy wont work. Also Counsellors need to stop rescuing and keeping a client dependent in order to make money. Counselors can also become burnt out with 'compassion fatigue' and need to balance how many counselling hours they spend with clients.

As someone who is studying to become a licensed counselor, I really appreciated Dr. Grande’s representation of a good counselor. As a have learned, it can be easy to get in your own head, being unsure of when to challenge the client, and feeling pressured to constantly fill the silence due to the awkwardness or need to implement your newly learned skills as Dr. Grande mentioned. Additionally, I resonated with Dr. Grande’s ideas on the concept of being able to point something out that the client may be trying to communicate but not directly saying it. Having completed role play demonstrations and discussing the sessions with my peers, it is evident that in many cases those acting as the counselor, myself included, are hesitant to point out specific behaviors or possible concerns to the client due to the fact that we are unsure of how the individual may respond. Additionally, many hold the idea that if a client wished to discuss a specific issue they would bring up the topic themselves. However, that is not always the case. I find that within the counseling profession, there will be numerous incidents where the client is very much introverted, and therefore may hold back information, even if they wish to discuss it, due to the fact that they feel as though the counselor is uninterested or doesn’t care about their situation. For this reason, it is important for counselor to get to know their clients and be able to identify specific behaviors that may suggest a client is hesitant to communicate something. Therefore, it is necessary for the counselor to feel comfortable and confident in the therapeutic relationship with the client, in order to be able to bring such behavior and resistance to the clients attention, so that the client feels safe discussing difficult topics.

A good counselor, in terms of narcissist abuse or C-PTSD ( PTSD DSM5 ) is very hard to find.

Love the videos always. I was laughing at the thought of you listing the signs of a good counselor mainly pertaining to you. "Sign number one is if your counselor wears glasses. Number two, you can find the counselor on youtube. Number 3, a last name that can be translated into the word "large" is a very good indication of a good counselor."

I’ve been in the field as a counselor for about a year, running my own groups & responsible for a caseload. This video, like a lot of others, has been insightful & so much of what you said ruminates with me. Thank you for taking the time to help educate the community🙏

Number 6 is something I REALLY need to work on. And I agree Dr. Grande, the pressure to fill the silence is very pressing especially at this point in our careers where we are being graded and observed. However, even in our mock sessions I have learned to allow at least some silence and time to understand what my client is saying to me. Sometimes I think when we answer to quickly to a client we lose some insight to what they are saying to us because we are already formulating a response to what they have said.

I greatly appreciate your ability to remain objective and to consider the strengths and weaknesses of every approach; your refusal to subscribe to a binary is beacon of light in the mental health world. Objectivity is an under-appreciated trait in many mental health professionals. I was glad to hear you say that the goal of counselors should not necessarily be to get the client out of therapy in a timely manner. That was a major stumbling block I had with a former counselor, who stated during our first session that her goal was to make it so that I didn’t need her anymore. I felt very dismissed by that, considering she had barely even met me and I hadn’t even begun to discuss the extent of my reasons for seeing her. Every client is an individual and the sign of a good counselor is the ability to adapt their language and methods to be most effective in the context at hand. It’s a balancing act, but the best counselors rise to that challenge.

I found this video to be thought-provoking and definitely applicable to my experience thus far as a training counselor. I agree that as I am finding my style of counseling through role plays and other practice methods, it is very easy to go along with the presented tangents or to try and fill voids throughout the session instead of allowing time to process what is going on. For me personally, I felt as though the first 4 signs Dr. Grande mentioned were very important aspects of the therapeutic relationship which are underrated avenues of demonstrating care and competence in working with clients. I enjoyed that Dr. Grande repeatedly pointed out that we are human, and being open and honest with the client about the in-the-moment experiences can be very powerful.

As a now- retired LCSW, I want to thank you for your clear and understandable delineation of both good and bad counseling. Your presentations are already helpful when looking back on a career in mental health work in which one will have an effect, for good or I'll, on a person's life. In retrospect, I feel I did a good job, and I miss it, but it was time. My retirement plan has, for many years, been to proof/edit mental health manuscripts. Thank you for your insights.

I always wondered what those long pauses were for. I thought they were always waiting for me to add more. I hadn't considered that they may need a moment. This will help me get my money's worth for my sessions, so thank you.

Great video. Number 5 and 6 are my particular favorite points. As an aspiring counselor I am glad I like research! This is a great video for clients seeking counseling as well.

Thank you for this topic. I have often wondered if I still have it in me to return to my field of Social Worker, now in my 60's. You checked off many areas I have grown in and I was weak in the first 30 years. Your assessment is a great evaluation not only clients should look too but potential Therapists and Counselors!

One of your most helpful videos, Dr. Grande.

Great list. it helps me understand what has made my counselor so great. He consistently practices each of these qualities with me. I chuckled about the first item - being willing to challenge a client. In one of my early sessions with him, I told him what I thought. He was quiet for a moment then asked "So is everything you think true?" BOOM! It felt like a really nice dope slap. I had no choice but to sheepishly reply "well, I guess not" :) I have been seeing him for 6 months and have experienced more healing and freedom than I could have imagined.

Dr. Grande, I felt this information was very helpful in know what is good qualities of a counselor. Knowing that by having that open and honest relationship with your client is a vital part of the therapeutic bond. Knowing that it is not imperative for a counselor to get every thing always correct but to be transparent with the client only improves that relationship. Most important to me as a new counselor is to be honest and respectful of the client in all aspects of the counseling sessions.

Something I know I need to address is sticking to the original topic that is the main reason why the client came to me. Often times it's difficult for me to determine if the primary topic the client speaks about is the true reason they have come to see me or if it is a way for them to talk about something that doesn't bother them in an attempt to avoid speaking about something more serious. I suppose that is something that will come with more practice and an enhanced understanding of the material. Overall, this video gave me great insight as to what to look for in a counselor/therapist as I have never been to one and would not know where to begin when thinking in terms of what to look for in one.

GREAT video for someone sussing out a new counselor. Thank you so much Dr. Grande.

I think the ability to focus on the main issue and to bring the conversation back to that is THE marker for a good counselor. It can seem like in session you can get wrapped up in any variety of segways. The ability to refocus the client back to the main problem really shows that the counselor can track these side topics all while being in tuned with the actual problem of the client.

I did not mean for it to land here, but I'm glad if my 2 requests about search keywords and kids on medications make sense here! And now, today, I will also show this lovely video to my 19 year old friend / neighbor who helps me. Thanks everyday, Dr. Grande.

I can't stress enough how important it is the be realistic in working with clients in this field. The clients can sense when a therapist or any professional working in the mental health field isn't being genuine and it can truly throw off the rapport between the client and the professional. Being realistic can show that you are actually paying attention to what the client has to say and how he or she is feeling, and once that trust is established by the client, there is more opportunity for the therapy to be effective for the client with this professional. Thank you for the video!

Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience!

Thank you for this information. A major theme that seems to repeat throughout most of the signs is the need for balance. A good counselor needs to not be too lax or too rigid and be able to move about the continuum. While watching this video I also got the sense that trusting own's intuitions and following up with those feelings may be appropriate in many instances. As you mentioned being off-the-mark is not always bad and may be more beneficial than missing an opportunity to connect or explore an idea that is important. I am hopeful that these skills become easier with time.

Thank you for this! I am currently experiencing some of these issues mentioned. It helped a lot.

You clearly model all 8!

Awesome! Thanks Doc!

I really enjoy your videos. I don’t always pay attention but your physical language makes me feel quite comfortable.

I find it comforting that I am able to learn and adapt these signs into my own practice. To also add to your discussion, presence and being present with the client are important. When a counselor is able to be present with the client and really hear what they are saying, you are able to be more empathetic and are able to conceptualize the client and his or her world much more effectively. In my opinion, being present can lead to better rapport building and overall flow of a session

I love how Proffessional this guy is always. He is always so consistent. I wud love to have some counciling from him.

Good to hear. :) I'm a therapist and found myself in all, though there is always a room for improvement :) plus I'd say really warm, authentic and caring approach about my clients which I think is important, as that was important for me on when I was on the other side.

Good stuff. I'm a newer counselor and I routinely watch this as sort of a mental checklist.

Thanks 🙏 Dr. Grande. This was very interesting and helpful. 💗

Thank you again, Dr. Grande. I am a big talker in general, but I can honestly say I am working on it. There are times when I may say too much or elaborate on my question and lose that moment with my client. I have begun to utilize that quiet space for myself and the client in our role plays.

My head is filled with all sorts of neurological differences including Autism and Tourettes, and my clinical worker (I tend to refer to her as my therapist) is always ready to learn and grow along side me, I bring in new ideas and techniques all the time and she responds so positively to it. ☺️☺️☺️

Love this list! Very concise and accurate.

You are very thorough and pleasant in speech. Obviously a good counselor Thank-you.

Therapy can be very helpful, but also very easily corrupted field. After bad experiences with two diferent therapists, i gave up on looking for personal counceling. I do search for information that might help me though, and i have learned a lot from this channel.

Very good points. Thanks so much

Wow I’m amazed. Very interesting. I wish I could remember everything. Great advice Dr.Grande.

He is great! Very respectful while being objective and honest . He gives great anylisis and input based on facts and science plus he’s funny as hell.

Thank you for your energy in making so many interesting videos Dr. Grande 👍 I appreciate this video also very much. Being realistic is indeed an important sign of a good counselor, I think also.

Excellent advice dash right on the money! Many clinicians don’t follow these patterns. I find it a clinician that is also well read in literature, especially classical literature, I think gives them some more depth and sense of empathy in a while rounding us to the practice and discipline

Omg! What a insightful video, Thank you!

I've gone to many and each has had a different diagnosis. I finally decided to diagnose/ lable myself as just ME!!

Yes as I have found, when its brought back it changes, and I find Ive made progress through the course of therapy/ homework Ive been given I did not undersatand I was making! I wont lie, at first thought she just didnt get me but Im finding out recently (3 months in for AUD and BPD) that the path shes led me down in the DBT is freaking me out in a good way. She always said I would find out I had no idea why I drank, even though knew it was to do with my alcoholic mom. I have gone through stages of acceptance and denial in sessions, left that office feeling... great, horribly sad, angry, numb, like a light went on, confused (what was that waste of time?), like I will make it, and twice I will quit sessions next week. She is very professional in how she chose to challenge me, at EXACTLY the right time! And yes I did plenty of rambling early on. Great video. Thank you!!!

Dear Dr. Grande, another highly informational video that exceeded my expectations... Which are pretty damn high, since I've already grown accustomed to your level and range of expertise. 😎👍

Thank you for this thoughtful video!

I bet you have all these things, that you're an amazing counselor... wish I lived closer!

Excellent video! Thank you.

Seen quite a lot of your videos so impressed by your KNOWLEDGE. You see things from every angle. My husband was diagnosed with bipolar, another psychiatrist thought he may have a personality disorder. After 13 years I can see now he has been narccistic from Day 1, also wondering if he has personality and paranoid, so many symptoms overlap. Learned so much from you, if only you could be our/his therapist. Bc yes all therapists are not created the same and misdiagnosing or not diagnosing is all too common.

As I watched the video I had a better understanding of the importance of challenging a client as a counselor. I feel that being realistic helps with congruence and builds a rapport to help the client feel comfortable speaking about their real life situations because as stated in the video not all situations will turn out great but the counselor could help find alternative or work through the concerns. Well rounded counselors are important as the clients come in with issues that they really are trying to work through and just need assistance to help them in the process.

It's not easy to be a councelor, bless their hearts

I am a college student and my major is psychology, I choose this because I can not count how many people I do not know talk to me about their lives, I do all these every time. So with this, I think I I may be a good counselor

I enjoy your channel. Don't watch them all as I often repeat the video. You give a depth of information that needs to be absorbed or check out. Don't agree with everything so need check research to understand why I might feel that way

As a counselor working towards licensure. It's reassuring to hear I do some of these. It also helps to know what areas I can continue to improve.

Great video Dr. Grande. I have found a very wonderful Counselor that is helping me work through a gambling addiction. He has done a lot of great research on this issue and has really provided great insight as to why addiction happens. I have not gambled in 3 months and have no desire to go back to gambling. I have learned what my triggers are and have a good written on how to deal with these triggers when they occur. I wish there was some program to nominate my Counselor as a Counselor of the Year or something like that!

thank you for another great video. You kind of pointed this out, however I think it could be more clarified that therapist should not be your friend. I went through a terrible divorce and have been the recipient of a lot of parental alienation for many years. I am biased I know, but I quit seeing two therapists after my wife left because I felt that they just wanted to agree with me and were too much on my side. I was looking for someone who was willing to point out my flaws and was willing to say the hard stuff.

The Problem is especially present when a councelor agrees with everything the Patient does and the Patient notices it. This completely undermines the authority of a councelor.

Absolutely this makes people feel safe to explore their emotions and open up.

I find this content to be exceptional. Thank you!

I am new in the field and I believe that I am checking your eight points or at least those are goals to me when I practice;I must be on the right path😊. Thx for this video

Each of these eight signs seem so straight-forward and basic, yet many counselors in the profession fall short of mastering all eight. Just because someone has their degree or achieved licensure does not mean they have no room for improvement. Assuming the position of a counselor also means committing oneself to a life-long learning process.

Thank you so much Dr. Grande. More videos for newbies and interns please, porfavor !!! Gracias !

My therapist was the worst, but what he had was compassion. I was suffering from anxiety, and depression, and it was a great relief to have compassion from a professional. I took proactive interest in my own healing more he did, which is good for me, but may have been bad for another patient. SO i guess at the end of the Day God is great, for sending us people who we need at the right time!

You have a great channel! I Iearn a lot of stuff. Continue like this!

Informative & helpful 👍🏽

As a future patient, I recommend this channel.

I really like how Dr. Grande pointed out that just because these are some of the signs of a good counselor and that the list is not exhaustive be any means. I especially related to number three-being realistic. I interpreted this to mean that it is ok to be human. As a professional there is a line that we can not cross. If we are having problems in our personal life we certainly can not use a therapy session with a client to talk about our problems but it is ok to be human and to feel our emotions. This also makes us more empathetic to what our clients are going through. I also understand this to mean that sometimes bad things happen and that sometimes our clients need to feel uncomfortable emotions.

Love your videos. Currently in grad school for MHC and I learn so much more in depth by watching. Thx, really appreciate it! Keep growing out the Sigmund beard btw lol

You are such a great role model.

I liked this list of signs of a good counselor. As I was watching I was thinking that I have some of these traits so I am glad I am in a CMHC program!

Very interesting! Thank you!