emotional abuse: the invisible scars 

Some of us are really not having a good experience here in this lifetime. 😢

Emotional abuse is a soul wound. When it transfers into adulthood, it continues to destroy the soul. CPTSD is real. No one seems to be able to adequately treat this... Thank you so much for sharing. I am learning so much from your videos.

For me, silent abuse i.e. neglect and emotional abuse, is devastating because it leaves the person constantly questioning what happened. Currently I'm going through an angry phase - I'm 45 and never had an explanation for my treatment as a kid by two immature, neglectful, alcoholic parents. I'm angry and trying to work through it because I've continued the self neglect into my adult life, as well as allowing others to treat me the same. Your videos have helped tremendously in my understanding of what I went through.

Having received both physical and emotional abuse in childhood I can agree unequivocally that the consequences of the emotional abuse are much deeper and longer lasting.

This makes so much sense. Emotional abuse and emotional neglect, physical abuse and SA can truly kill the Ego-Soul. And unfortunately that damage can then pass to the next generation. I am so sad how my childhood wounds set me up to struggle as a mother. I wish I knew these things when I was younger.

I can’t stand being told that I’m crazy for having so much anxiety and ptsd by my family. Everything in trying to do in this life feels difficult. Thank you for this video, Kim

And this why I'm in trauma therapy. This is worse than physical abuse.

One of the worst aspects of emotional wounding is that it often keeps us second-guessing. It's so much harder to make excuses for, or to explain away, the more tangible forms of abuse. If it didn't leave a mark, did it really happen? We drive ourselves crazy trying to validate the invisible, especially when the abuser denies it.

What is freaky about this fact, is when the perpetrator figures out what triggers us, does it on Purpose, delighting in it, and teaches others to do it!!

I didn't attach the word 'abuse' to my upbringing until 2020. I remember exactly where I was and when I first said it aloud to someone else. Decades, decades of still being caught up in those dynamics before it hit me (after going very low contact). As I went through life if I encountered traumatic situations or similar treatment my mantra was always 'You've dealt with worse, you can tolerate this' or 'It'll be my fault, I need to stay and fix it'. I never said 'This isn't OK,' instead I people pleased, tried harder, stayed vigilant, stayed put and confused, blocked it out, advocating fiercely for others but never for myself. I wish with all my heart I'd understood more earlier. Walking was the one bit I did, walking always made life make more sense and still does. Thank you as always for your videos.

You're explaining me to a 't'. I constantly feel like something is wrong with me. I appreciate your information so much!

I fought back since childhood. From protecting my sibling from abuse to calling out adults on their bad behavior. However I also became a people pleaser perfectionist to get moments of peace and calm in my environment. I did and did everything I could to stop others giving their negativity to me. As a HSP empath I now understand how much I am impacted by the emotions/energy in others. They do not even have to speak for me to feel how they feel. I have taken this part of me and use it to say uplifting words to others to put them at ease so I can stop the dis ease in me.

I believe one of the biggest reasons why emotional trauma is so difficult and heartbreaking is because of the societal messaging around it. When you don't suffer physically you're basically inundated with the message, "be grateful because it could've been worse". Or, "you don't matter" because you weren't touched and therefore not hurt. Then there's always someone you know or love that invalidates your feelings/experiences or tries to "one up" you as if there's some trauma prize to be won. I had all of this happen to me many times. Daily for a while and have felt like I, as a person don't matter for nearly 40 years and I'm only 45. I'm working on "it" and myself, but with that lifelong message... I'm just tired. I can't relate to people. I want good and healthy relationships, but I'm running out of energy to find or create them. I need something easy now. I need to meet genuine and nice people now. It should absolutely be as easy to find great relationships as it was to find/be in the ones that messed me up!! Yes, I know that's pretty much wishful thinking.

Even at 57, it's hard for me to watch these because I was a victim of every kind of abuse except sexual. My mother was verbally abusive, physically abusive, emotionally abusive but also emotionally neglectful. I do not want to fight this the rest of my life but that is probably my reality

There’s been research into people who were in concentration camps in ww2 (I’m European.) And while, obviously, everyone suffered severe emotional consequences, people with bad childhoods were even more deeply impacted than those with happy childhoods.

This breaks my heart. Leaving my small child with her father .. my ex.. is so painful. She is scare of dad. No lawyers or anyone can assist. The system is broken. It was DV non-physical which doesn't make it less hurtful. I am still affected by his abuse.. as it continues to happen post separation . I pretty much pray everyday and have been working and healing for over 5 years

I had a great childhood, nothing abusive until I started dating at 15, been through many years of emotional abuse, not much physical, and I'm 60 and still struggling with a 30 year emotional abusive relationship 🤨 ugh I can hardly go on , just pray for me and I'll pray for you 🙏

Even watching this video was healing

❤❤❤ my Sister just took her life because of living this type of life.😢😢😢

I just paused the video because of a thought that came to mind... It's so ironic to me that my mother blames me for the poor choices in men that I've had and other difficulties that occur in my life, but these are directly due to her constant physical, emotional, and verbal abuse

My husband has suffered terrible childhood trauma and for 9 years he’s been projecting those wounds onto me. I’ve overcame my own childhood trauma and became a secure / anxious person. Because of my resilience, I thought I can help him heal. This last argument I’ve found Dr Sage and I learned how severe his issues are and i became a victim of emotional abuse.

"Unconsciously and unintentionally revictimized myself" in ny adult life....man that hit hard

Im tired. I self sabotage all the time and can’t allow myself to be healthy. Always have to ruin my relationships, jobs, grades. Health. Doing well doesn’t feel right and I look back and see how many things I did to sabotage things.

Gosh. I feel very sad watching this. Thank you, Kim.

I'm Brazilian and def. among the receivers of emotional abuse and neglect during childhood. I can't talk much about growing up in Brazil after the year 2000, but up to the nineties, yes, emotional abuse and neglect was def. a constant in so many, probably the majority of the families. Lots of old views, people simply did not see emotional, nor even physical abuse, for what they are, let alone neglect. Things were completely normalized and accepted by society. I do believe this has absolutely everything to do with how society was formed after colonization and all the social relational dynamics playing out then and onwwards. Plus lack of access to quality education and international cultures and views by the greater part of the population. There's so much to be said about all that, we could write a whole book on it. Thank you so much for another enlightening and soothing video, Dr. Kim! 🙏💗✨

Living Authentically after what seems to have been a Lifetime of Fear&Doubt. Marketing Executive Peter Westbrook escaped poverty through fencing. I'm so thankful to be part of the sport with a new generation of champions. Dr.Sage keep up the good work

Thank you. I approached parenthood the same way and made the same mistakes. It’s painful to live with. And, at 54, i now feel unraveled.

I think you just described the root of Codependency and the fawn response to a T for me at least. And then why we continue to repeat the same patterns with new friends and partners etc (bosses too) even if they don't seem to look anything like our original carers or parents who generated this. In other words, whence our repetition compulsion. Until we finally catch on and love and nurture ourselves out of this and start setting better boundaries.

for the longest time I never considered what happened early in life to be trauma, although there were things that happened later in life that I did find traumatic, however making the connection that the initial wound may have been a catalyst to the later revictimization was really eye opening for me. I appreciate that you've put time into making these videos. It's given me a bit of direction on where to take my future therapy and wellness journey and hopefully stop acting out that initial wound in my adult life constantly.

I find that living in the now- is the best vantage point, Getting there is challenging. But at the end of the survivor rainbow- there is hope...

My Daughter sure has let me feel the early stages of this subject. Lord knows only Why?

I’m living my best HEALED life post divorce. Published a book on finding true WHOLENESS after divorce called “THE SUN ALWAYS PIERCES THROUGH”

I can barely function from life long effects of my mothers abuse lost my hair healthy relationships went into second relationship aftrr my abusive mother into father of my kids after leaving him he brainwashed my kids against me my kids suffered also from the danage my x causrd i lost most of my hair n live now in extreme shock not knowing what to do to this day i keep meeting people friends who arent friends who hurt n betray me n these ones had good childhoods i still retraumaisrd had therapy n cant fix my life

wow I have to thank you a lot ! this video explains my struggle so precisely like nothing before ! thank you for your great work and I really appreciate the way you break concepts down for everyone to understand:) best regards from Berlin!

Thank you. This is so helpful.

I appreciate your work a lot. I was treated for anxiety and depression from 1987 until 2014 and thank god one sharp counselor suggested I do take the PTSD test.. turns out SSRI "medications," make the situation worse, (I was considered "treatment resistant"). I quit all mental health involvement after that and did my own research into trauma from neglect, so again, thank you, it's really interesting how so many things overlap; it's really good to see the thinking has changed, you know how people want a diagnosis and a treatment.. (don't make it complicated).. for me it was, "try this med," then, "try this med," then, "try these.. try these.. " I'd say unless you've got money you're pretty screwed but for RU-vid. Really really appreciate your work.

Some of my friends laughed at me and bullied me when I told one of them I was abused in childhood this was probably 30 years ago and it still impacts on me today

It can cause PTSD symptoms like using alcohol to cope and avoiding all romantic relationships. It doesn't help that all of my family have passed away too. Understanding things like PTSD and complicated grief can help, but only so much. I'm thinking about trying to get involved with a spiritual group to help with all this. I have also recently been diagnosed with autism. Learning about narcissism has brought some healing. Also learning about being an empath has really helped with some recent struggles. Thanks for listening.

Thank you 😊

I totally agree with this well explained description of emotional abuse. Thank-you!

I live in San Diego, like you did.. and I also recently had a traumatic event like you did.. which has destroyed my marriage. I've been emotionally abused by my wife for nearly 8 years... your videos are very real and helpful

YT is emotionally abusing me daily ...

Wow, so glad i found this channel, you are opening my eyes to a lot of things and explaining it so well. Thank you so much ❤

Excellent video with excellent content. You touched on and named so much! I wish I could get my son to engage with some sort of treatment… he stopped talk therapy saying it didn’t really help. :(

This was great and so informative. I love how in depth you went into this important topic ❤

I HAVE ALSO THOUGHT OF HOW ABUSE AFFECTED ME.-- BOSSES, LOVERS . HUSBANDS HAVE ALL REVICTIMIZED BUT I ALSO PLAYED A PART. I WAS VICTIM OF TROUBLED PARENTS WHO DIDNT KNOW HOW TO LOVE. SO THAT BECAME MY NORMAL AND WITHOUT REALIZING IT I CHOSE TO SURROUND MYSELF WITH ABUSIVE PEOPLE. WHY WASNT I ATTRACTED TO KIND MEN O41E - I THINK I CHOSE NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN BEAUSE OF THE MEN I CHOSE TO LOVE.....

Well, my mother continued to put her hands on me well into my 40s. Ridiculous.

Thank you

It's like i don't really exist or matter because primary caregivers didn't see me at all. I noticed the re traumatisation one can do to oneself as an adult because i can't "see" what's harmful versus what's healthy. Thanks for validating these ideas.

❤❤Thanks Kim you are loved and you are helping thousands ❤❤ Keep on with this great work❤

Thanks

Thank you for sharing this message. This information is helpful.

The best thing you can do is just decide you don't give a sh^t about what the abuser wants, thinks, feels, "needs," etc. Don't argue, don't respond, don't excuse or explain, don't announce your decisions or what you're going to do... Just let them think they've had "the last word" and storm off. While they're gone, grab your purse, your keys, and your kids, drop the kids off at a relative's home after explaining the abusive situation you're protecting them from, but you go somewhere else and tell the relative you can't share with anyone where you're going. Go down to the local courthouse and ask for paperwork for a protection order for you and the kids, as well as for starting divorce proceedings (if you're married). Cut off the abuser's access to any shared credit cards or bank accounts that you have control over. Hire a lawyer and a private detective. Fill out the paperwork, get that turned in, and start the difficult but rewarding path to freedom.

I’m interested in what healing looks like from all of that. ❤

I am so confused by emotional abuse. I recently came home to find my mother in my house when my children were home alone while I ran to the store. She was desperate for me to help her gain custody of a child from my sister, and said she went into my house without asking or telling me because it was an emergency and I needed to seek custody of my sister’s baby so she could have her. This person had sexually abused us, and physically abused us a few times I could remember, and she left me alone for long periods of time as a child… But the worst and most important part is I was afraid of her all the time. I felt she hated me so much as a child. I felt she wanted to hurt me and destroy me, and I could not get away from her. I believe everything I ever did as a child was to gain her approval, and I never did. And she was asking me to talk to social workers to try to get custody of a baby. I know that she makes me feel so horrible and confused and frightened-but I cannot hold on to exactly what she did to me. I can think of the time she threw things at me, I can remember the sexual abuse, but I think, she didn’t directly touch me…maybe it wasn’t that bad. How can I betray her, after all she did feed me, and sometimes she took care of me… I just cannot make any sense of it. It makes me feel crazy.

Wow! This explains so much.

8:15 Humans are a social species; emotional threat and the threat of a conditional or unpredictable relationship IS a threat to our lives.

I am trying to protect my children and they are determined to see their narcissistic grandmother. I on the other want to get as faraway as I can and to prevent them from seeing her as much as possible. I am so sngry at her and angry at myself that i am literally struggling to deal with stressful situations in our daily life that it makes things vety difficult. In a family of three with special needs including our son who is severely disabled, there is a lot to deal with and its a serious challenge. These monsters should be locked up for life.

Neurodivergence and ADHD...I suspect that's me. 😢

I apologize if I missed this - you talked about a change since the 1970's in repressed anger (re: it being dangerous now to flip someone off). I feel this too. What do you think the reason is? I don't see it being possible that adverse childhood experiences have increased in recent decades, but maybe I'm wrong. If anything we're more aware of childhood trauma and mental health. So why has it gotten worse?

I was born and raised in a religious cult, but my parents were good parents. I am an only child, so between that and having a lot of rules, my parents were too overprotective. They meant well, but they were misguided in some things because of the cult. This led me down a path of being abused as an adult, physically and emotionally. My ex husband (father of my daughter), is a narcissist, so the pattern of abuse has kept repeating itself. I have discovered that mom, my daughter, and I all seem to have similar issues, and are probably all autistic. For the longest time, I didn't think that the term eggshell parents applied to my situation. But, in a round about way it kind of does because instead of my parents being the abusers, it was the cult. And it had a profound impact on my life.

Hello thank you for the video and I had a follow up question. If as you say you are able to reflect and tell yourself a new story and change your perspective, how do you then interact with your caregivers who you still see regularly who were the source of trauma in your childhood? I am an adult and I have made significant improvement in my own mental health. My parents still live near me and they have zero interest in dealing with their behavior in the past or getting treatment of any kind. That is their choice but what I’m struggling with now is how to have a relationship with them now that I am an adult and they still expect to and do treat me with emotional abuse and neglect?

Emotional abuse and neglect are NOT always linked

True words.

Thanks❣️

Merci👍!!!

I've been going through it for a good while now, but I'm trying so hard to turn that around. 8873

As horrible as physical and sexual abuse are they are at least overtly wrong and recognized as such. The victim is more likely to recognize it as wrong and seek help. The trouble with emotional abuse is it is often normalized and the victim is less likely to seek help to overcome it. It is internalized and grows ever more toxic.

Invalidation is the most painful part of this. At times I wish my step-parent smacked me that way I could be believed. I love my dad but he's definitely described my step-mother and I's relationship as "You two just never got along" no, no it's not just that, she was abusive. Why don't you believe that? Why don't you acknowledge it? I'm in trauma therapy to help me past this. He is married to her still. We haven't spoken in 10 yrs and it's hard to fathom sometimes. My aunt God bless her, wishes I could just move forward from it and forget the past. I can't. It may not be possible. I have PTSD from this. She tries to understand but can't really fully understand how it was. She thinks my step-mom is a wonderful person but also believes it was wrong she targeted me. I'll be honest, I don't believe for a second my dad's marriage is happy either. If it was, then his wife wouldn't freak out over not being invited to my wedding. Yet she did. She made it abojt her.

Um, I would hazard the guess that physical and sexual abuse automatically include emotional abuse and neglect.

Yesss another video🩷

14:46 Oh... we don't need to leave the country to get the numbers... we can mirror and raise those experiences tri-fold right here in the good ole' US of A... 🙄🚶🏾‍♀️

Maltreatment seems to never really give much focus on being hit by a parent. In particular to silence the kid who has an opinion or questions the irrational rules laid out by the parent. Is being hit considered okay and I am perhaps overreacting in my assumptions?

Dr Kim how do we solve problems and speak up for ourselves or get an advocate in this crazy world without getting ourselves killed? People are so hostile you try to tell them their barking dog is bothering you or whatever else and they just want to shame you back for bringing the matter to their attention. Do we all need to just hire a lawyer to advocate for us? Who can advocate for us? We need advocates? Where can we find advocates? I'm a senior citizen.

Most things New within my Life are kept close as Native Americans go. Due to our pass history within this Nation of which you all Call America. Many new story's I now share is within my Christian Life and Church. My place of Safety. Nothing personal my online RU-vid family.

I think you hit the nail on it’s head 😕😆

I am not religious, I am Anthroposophisist, praying to Jesus Christ not the Christian dogmatic one, Archangel Michael is helpful 🙏 ❤️ try!

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

What does sour candy do? I never heard of that relieving stress. I used to love to eat sour candy…but I heard how bad sugar is- that it ages you, etc. Please explain the benefits of sour candy. Thank you

Is emotional dysregulation ‘’bipolar’’? If not, what’s the difference?

What is SA?

💜JFK JR HAS A RU-vid PAGE CAN YOU HELP HIM GET HIS STORY OUT💜

No my parents did not have autism 😂

You don't have a clue .

Its evil, bullies and narcs!! Sick abusers

I just want to leave I no longer want to deal with any of it not making a decision I've made decisions an choice an have for. Years now. Problem is I haven't made the right one for there liking but I have made the right decision for me an what I want since refuse to do anything about it. I've been forced to walk away completely no more flight. Or feeze cause no matter what Gerald is not. It an I've put standards an boundaries as well an time after time. Abuse traumatic trauma

Btw gersld sn my boy they ruined some thing that made me so happy an i know that zac played key roll in it in very beginning when i had returned from some place sn was upset sn trying to talk sn things escalated quickly with Zac coming into kitchen sn just being loud am i upset he did that no. Im actually greatful cause was gone done. Just the acknowledgement that yes he was involved from beginning

Nope don’t have adhd …. Was a normal human who met a narcissist… that’s it.