I’m that parent - son has been out of school for 7 months now. It’s so exhausting and then to have the blame put on me is awful. It’s soul destroying not being able to fulfil such a seemingly simple task 😢
Same! I mean it's obvious all we want is the best for our kids people that don't stick out like a sore thumb. Covid had my kid out of school almost all of jr high last year we've had one thing after another happen and every day it's like having to torture your child all the while getting shamed by not only the school everyone else and their opinions and all the while my child is missing out on something 💔 😢
Have it in writing that the school blame me. It's breaking my heart that my beautiful clever daughter is telling me she'd rather die. I'm so so tired. I cry each day. Thank you so very much for this.
This resonates so much at the moment, being broken by the constant daily pressure to get our 14 year old to school (physically, we can't MAKE him anymore, he's a manchild ;-) ) only for him to be bullied in that school environment and for school to just give up on him when there, it's heartbreaking. Going from being the strong former lawyer, current self employed business person to the basket case I am now, I'm spent :-( (and yes we're getting help, but point being the straw that broke the camel's back was school NOT understanding and NOT helping anymore, it was that simple) x
Thank you for this ❤️ knowing that I am not alone really helps. It's all the things you said, tears from both of us, guilt etc plus dealing with other aspects of life too. Kindness and understanding from schools would help enormously instead of parent blaming straight off. Xx
Oh my gosh you are so right! It's exhausting and so hard! Especially when I spend hours every night trying to get him to bed and then again in the morning and working full time.the guilt is real
Yep. It got too much for me when he was 6, despite also being a 'professional' with expertise in the subject of Neurodivergence and the SEND system itself. Since then, I am an avid Home Ed parent, with no time whatsoever for this current govt, or their approach towards children from ordinary families. The system is disgusting at best. We are on our way to becoming the new China/Japan in our modus operandi towards our UK children. And if you've no experience of how it's done in China or Japan, look at the suicide figures, read about the way children are owned by their parents and 'have a duty to do well, even if they simply can't. I have seen Chinese children who I teach being hit with a ruler off-screen while teaching them English. They are hothoused and there is no such thing as 'Autism' or 'mental health difficulties' in these countries, certainly not publicly. In China, people are unimportant. They have too many, so who cares if a few die in childhood? While we no longer practice corporal punishment in the UK, as other experts have pointed out before me, we still use isolation, shaming, and exclusion tactics to pressurise parents and children who simply don't and can't fit. When will the govt understand that this is not what parents want for our children? Maybe it's what the taxpayer wants to have children doing brilliant things at a younger age than is normal, but statistics elsewhere show suicide rates going up under these conditions. The mental health crisis for young people is NOW! We need change for our young people and for their parents. Both are very vulnerable in this situation.
Thank you for this. We've been experiencing it since a bullying incident. That was months, & months ago. We now know the term School Avoidance. Our school district (in USA) has put us on an attendance contract which means being in person M-F 9-4. I am so relieved to hear someone speak to the guilt, share & exhaustion this brings, as a parent. It's taking every ounce of my emotional & physical strength to navigate this. When you here others comment 'just take them' it think.... well you bloody try then!!!
Thanks Pooky, I watched the panel webinar and it did feel quite triggering reading some of the comments (mostly from school staff). We work with many families at PACT and Define Fine whose children would love to be able to attend school alongside their peers but sadly are just unable to do so and this creates (as you know) such overwhelming emotions for the whole family. It would be great to organise another webinar for parent/carers and school staff combined to try and work together to find solutions x thanks for all of your support and for sharing this video 💜
Would you be up for delivering a webinar on this? I could set it up? If you’re up for exploring the idea drop me a line - pooky@creativeeducation.co.uk - such an important topic and it would be great to raise awareness of PACT too
Thank you for this, it’s the first time I’ve heard anyone acknowledge the effect on the parent. The toll on a parent’s (my) physical, mental and emotional health is huge yet we’re often made to feel that we’ve failed in that fundamental duty of getting our child to school which makes us feel even worse! Then there’s the meetings, paperwork, meds appointments..oh and a full time job! Thank you.
My daughter hasn't been to school for over a year she has anxiety she is with cahms who are useless still waiting for counselling from them and she has officially been on their register for nearly 2 years. I am trying to get her tested for autism also a 2 year wait. School sending fines threats coming round my house. School have also offered support and done all they can to get her in aswell like reduced timetables etc but she still won't go. I have lost my job because of turning up late due to trying to get her into school and having to take time off to deal with the school and am on anti depressants because of this. I have been told its best if I home school but other people are telling me not to take her out of school because I will have to pay for all the homeschooling and other education but how can I pay for that if i can't work. I am at my wits end now my son who is 2 years younger has started refusing a few days here and there. I am at my wits end there is no help.
I am so exhausted feel like we have exhausted most avenues 😪😪😪😪 I don't know what else to do anymore. He doesn't want to change schools or be home schooled 😪😪💔 where do we go.. what do we do?
Thank you. I have a question if you don't mind? What are the benefits for keep trying to get a child who is so upset into school? When they are suicidal should we keep forcing ? Is this the best thing to do for them? Or is it going to damage them more? I'm just wondering at which point I should give up and home educate instead. I honestly don't know what to do, school have put many things in place to help my child and have been very supportive, which is the first time I've been in this situation where the school have actually been great so I feel like it's made my decision harder. It's such a stressful situation though
If I can help in any way, please shout. HE parent of nearly 6 years, ex-teacher and ex-Social Care and Safeguarding Trainer. Sometimes the best thing you can ask yourself is, what are the alternatives and Home Ed doesn't have to mean that you teach them, it can also mean online school, local FE College, Using the Unschooling method, rather than coercing. Loads of opps which simply aren't advertised to parents unless children are out of school.
@@rowanverrall thank you for your reply. I have home educated in the past, infact I only stopped a short while ago. I feel like with this child, neither school nor home education fit her perfectly with what she is going through. I am certainly open to HE again but I have concerns over my health and making sure that I give her everything she needs, I am also on such a tight budget now which has changed from before so feel like I can't offer her what I did before, nor can I afford what I think she needs and I don't want to fail her. I really value other people's opinions on wether I should push school more and should be a bit harder on her or wether to be led by her and what she feels she needs even though I think she needs more. This parenting is hard!
@@thefarfromperfectmumUNschooling might be the way to go. Your child may have experienced enough trauma in the school already. Pushing her harder might just break her. 😢
There are no benefits. The whole system is wrong and it is certainly not focused on the child, the parents or the family. It’s seems to me more like an army, which was also created and still functions in such a way as to… well… break the spirit of a person, to put it mildly. Again, huge topic. I very much hope you’ll find the best and kindest way for your daughter, yourself and the entire family. ❤
Thanks for sharing. This is exactly what I am experiencing now with my son.. im a single mom and have limited support. I had to build an entire team to support my son and he still hasn't made any progress. I feel so hopeless. I'm glad to hear I'm not alone.
@@PookyHTHANK YOU!! And thank you for this video. It's somehow comforting and heartbreaking to see so many other parents here grateful they're not alone. Until a few minutes ago, I truly believed that I was.
