Emotionally Neglected Babies | Dr Syl's Psychiatric Analysis 

That is quite the story. I'm sorry that you had to go through that as a child. May peace and forgiveness fill l your heart

So sorry you went through that and so glad you had a loving father who did not give up on you.

@@tessmoore3762 and a good second opinion doctor.

So your father was there chilling and couldn't take care of you? Why only your mother? Also, this story really makes it sound like rape, idk...

​@@stellarauclair Your judgement and assumptions about this family are appalling. Nothing about this story implies sexual abuse on anyone's part. If his mother was left handicapped from having a portion of her brain surgically removed, she is not also unfit to properly care for a child. Just as the doctor from second opinion noted. Dad wasn't "chilling" as someone needed to work to support the mentally handicapped wife and young child. Edit for clarity: Handicap does not equate to vegetative. Unfit is a state which can vary repeatedly with and without mental illness. It is not only a side effect of lobotomy or mental illness. Her being able to foster the child's development after guidance verifies this.

So sorry to hear about the rough start in life, but what a blessing that you have learned to adapt and thrive as you say. That's such a good word for it. I hope you have a beautiful life filled with love and that you continue to be a blessing and an encouragement to others.

Wow! Am so glad you took control of your destiny and are living life to your fullest! My best wishes for a full and happy life!

Thank you ❤️

I am so sorry this happened to you are so strong!!! I hope life is amazing for you today!!!

What a beautiful message of hope from you, thank you so much for sharing!

Your comment made me cry, I’m so happy for her that she got the care she needed. Hopefully that was a permanent change. I work with kids, teaching them how to swim, and we have one kid who is scared of the water and all the grandparent does when they don’t want to get in is bash them for wasting their money and time. It’s hard to watch but isn’t considered abuse so we can’t really do anything about it.

Your think kids with autism were abuse but just the signs of autism no eye contact

Not funny when it's youtube's algorithm.

Do you recall the name of the documentary?

It’s nice to encounter a positive anecdote about foster care. It is good that at least one foster family was kind.

We figured this out in the 1800s. It's been a while since I learned of this, so the finer details are a bit hazy. It was an orphanage, and it was like you describe, only necessary handling of the babies. Infant mortality was really high. until someone started picking up the babies more, cradling them more. Just touching them more. Infant mortality dropped. Touching is so very important for babies. To the point it's fatal. Sorry, it was just something my brain remembered since you mentioned those conditions. I'm really sad about what happened to your sister in law, and really happy that she has a loving supporting family in you.

It's almost like personality disorders are just psych professionals lazy excuse for trauma they don't want to or can't deal with... sorry, slightly besides the point but also absolutely not, especially if this diagnosis came as a child.

I am from Russia and nothing has changed in the orphanages since then. Children live in horrible conditions. The only difference that now foreigners cannot adopt them, because the shitty government would rather let them rot in the orphanages, than let them have a decent life with a good medical care and loving parents in 'evil America' and 'gay propagating Europe'. I'm glad your sister in law made it out of there.

I think I love this lady too❤❤❤

​@@0Jenna7I learned about a study done where they paired elderly in nursing homes with infants in NICU and the results were astonishing. Both the babies and the elderly were much healthier, happier, had higher survival rates and at the milestones check-ups for the babies those that had time with the elderly had thrived significantly more both physically and mentally. There is a definite correlation between touch and quality of life and life itself. The fact that science has no way to IMPLEMENT these findings with greedy insurance companies, politicians and doctors is criminal.

I was neglected. Like you I didn’t like to be hugged or touched. All of a sudden getting attention only increased my anxiety level. Makes sense

I don't know, my mum was very cuddly. She also believed a baby can never be spoiled (kids different story tho) but I hate touching and hugging in general and absolutely loathe anything close to my face, including my own baby who is 1mo. I am the adult though, so for the sake of my baby I can deal with my issues with his little baby face homing in on mine. Perhaps there is some environmental influence attributing to peopled preferences in being touched or held, but I think there is some innate factor to it as well.

SAME and i was forced to hug my abusive father constantly because complained to my mom "he felt upset that i didn't love him" so she forced me with guilt every time, it was violating torture. I wasn't allowed to say no or I "was hurting him and being a brat"

​@@DivineLightPaladin when we were younger, my dad, when drunk, would try to force my brother & i to give my mom a hug n kiss even though she was sleeping. he would get mad when we didn't want to

@@DivineLightPaladin I experienced the same thing, only for me, it was just a creepy great uncle I didn't have to see all that often, but when I did, he always wanted to kiss me on the lips (which I avoided at all costs). After being so guilted about it over the years, I finally just did it one day. The experience was just as foul as I expected it to be but the interesting thing is once I finally gave in, it never was expected of me again for some reason. It still affects me to this day tho. I completely understand what you went through, it's truly horrible to have your closest family not respecting your right to decide who you choose to give affection to.

The stimulation I received if any was harsh cruel nasty angry words in my ears or violence and I remember them at 1

@@healingandgrowth-infp4677 so sad to hear 😢

More like connection

@samiphilosophy3949 both are as equally important

People should start treating babies like they're GASP tiny human beings. And what do human beings generally dislike? Being neglected, ignored and abused, omg what an amazing scientific breakthrough.

I’m so sorry you went through that. Your mother was a narcissist. None of what she said was true. You were the scapegoat child and your sister was the golden child. There are lots of videos explaining about narcissistic people and the way they react people around them. Knowledge doesn’t fix the damage done but it does help to know the truth.

No matter how hard her pregnancy was, it was not your fault and you didn't deserve that treatment. My pregnancy was quite difficult but my son is a good kid and I would go through it again a million times over to make sure he exists. Honestly the fact that you had moved on with your life enough to remove all emotion speaks huge volumes about your strength. I hope you're thriving despite the way your were treated. Sadly I think I'll be able to say the same about my father after his death.

relax- if you are the first kid, the first one is harder to come to terms with and more painful and longer because your body doesnt know what it needs to do just yet and maybe you are in shock about having someone depending on you for the rest of your life. Also if she considered abortion it means you were an accident. Also you are associating things with yourself that have nothing to do with you as a person. Considering an abortion would have happened with any child that came at that time in her life. her being sick and having a long delivery completely irrelevant. With you crying constantly, she followed a doctors advice. She most likely had a postpartem depression and didnt feel like interacting with anyone so she was happy to follow it. The only thing Id say is she shouldnt have made fun of your fear of the dark because thats her fault. Kids dont just become afraid of the dark. They are afraid because their parents make them feel insecure in some way. Also to be fair you were eavsedropping on a private conversation. She didnt tell you this to your face and what she said is also not really talking about you behind your back because its not actually negative. she was talking about her experience/difficulty and not you as a person. Of course mothers have these difficulties and its better to talk about it than bottle them up.

⁠​⁠​⁠​⁠@@danan9061there is no way to justify that woman’s cruelty. she said such horrible things - including that she considered abortion - knowing that her child was within earshot..this speaks to any normal, rational person, of a cruel and malicious woman who enjoyed twisting the knife inside one daughter’s heart whilst doting lovingly on the other…this was not an isolated instance of such cruelty, either, as the daughter had nothing to do with her mother, likely from the moment she could separate herself from her…I sincerely hope you do not have children as you seem incapable of separating decent, kind behaviour from cruelty..

​@danan9061 my forth was my hardest pregnancy and birth. I treat all my children equally, even my step daughter. I wouldn't ever coincider how my pregnancy and birth went as the child's fault and treat them differently because of it. Pregnancy was my choice.

Thank you for doing that. Even if the kid has no clue what you're talking about, they can tell you care about them.

I'm so sorry for what you experienced as an infant. Thank you for sharing.

It's really tragic to realise how crucial those early years experiences are. They seem to set the foundation for a person's whole future psyche. Wishing you all the best.

Someone watched Sybil…

I'm so sorry this happened to you! Please know that it was your patents' inability to love you and didn't have anything to do with how you were mistreated. You are, I can tell, a beautiful person who deserved so much more love and attention than you received. I hope you continue on the road toward healing and acceptance of yourself as a vital, important piece of the great eternal puzzle. Much love from Tennessee

Family friends adopted the child of the wife's adopted brother, so no blood relation. The parents had asked the couple to take the child for the weekend at about 6 mos and never came back for him. No matter what they did, this poor child cried every night in terror for the first year. He was such an adorable little boy, loving and anxious to please. I hadn't seen him since he was about 8. A few years ago I saw him on facebook, now in his 50s, and it was so sad. I could still see that little boy in those eyes, along with the poverty and loneliness he seems to be living in - despite growing up with a father who was a millionaire in the 60s

This made me cry. What incredibly kind people you are ❤

I love that, to start all over again as if the child had just been born, what an intelligent, thoughtful, lovely approach.

Umm no one in the orphanage is wanted that is why they are there.

@@chetyoubetya8565 No, she means they are not wanted by ANYONE, not just the parents who left them at the orphanage. As in, NO ONE will even want to adopt them, so why waste time on them, just ignore them, etc, because people only ever want the BOYS.

​@chetyoubetya8565 They are children for God's sakes. And then ppl wonder why noone respects them, smh. No heart and brains.

The worshipping of boys in both India and China is resulting in a lack of women and girls by the millions! The level of stupidity is thru the roof.🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

Thanks for your kind comment mate!

Exactly what I was thinking . 🤍

I think they went through enough. Children don't need their privacy exploited for your bemusement.

@@Mandaxx25it’s not about Amusement, it’s about Science & helping others who’ve gone thru similar things.

@@sweetcherry7759the science does help others who have gone through similar things.

It really sounds like you have done a wonderful job with your rescue parrots. It's such a beautiful story! I have a rescue eclectus and while he was not abused, I am still really happy and proud that he is such a well-adjusted guy. I bet with a little more time and patience you will be able to get them out of the cage, on their own time. Food motivation is a very powerful thing, as is attention from you. If you put a chair up to the cage and sit and read and sing to them and eat some treats, they may get curious about the outside world. Or you can put a perch on the inside of the cage for and when they step on and you open the door, they will be outside the cage. lots of treats for that. only very good things happen outside the cage, you know!

Very intersting about your rescued parrots!

​@@susank2019 Thanks :) & yeh, these are the sorts of things I've done over the last couple of years. I can actually now get them to come just out of their cage while I'm there for security, still no need to ever close the doors on the cage though, as they won't come out to fly away or anything. I actually have perches attached to the outside of the cage, all over it & I hang apple & other treats on the outside to try to get them to climb out to the perches on the outside of the cage (and make less mess inside the cage by eating it there) & I hang containers off the little open doors on the end with things like lettuce in them, lettuce being their favourite, so they will stick their heads out to eat that fairly willingly now. I started out target training them inside the cage & then moving the target near the open door, so that my boy in particular had to put his head in front of the open gap, where he could see out of it, to touch the target, which was super scary for him. Eventually I was able to get him to put his beak slightly out of the cage to touch the target stick & get a reward, rushing back into the cage as fast as he could after doing it. Over about 3 months, I managed to actually get him to stick his head out to touch the stick & get his treat, then I introduced them to a new, larger cage & thought it would take AGES for them to agree to move, but they, for some reason, loved it & moved in immediately, actually climbing out of their cage to get inside the new one (right next to it) & then biting me if I tried to put my hands into the new one & refusing to leave it, which was interesting, cause I had been expecting them to take ages to get used to it, so at that point, I didn't even have food or water dishes set up in it & had to try to do that while being bitten by 2 birds telling me this was now THEIR cage lol. That's their current cage, it has a large side door that I open & close & 2 small doors on the end that are always open. Over time, opening the large door has let the boy see outside & lose his fear of it, so I can even put a birdbath there now, with the big door open & have him come out into it, conditional to being able to jump back into his cage every 5 seconds or so for security & the big door at 90 degrees, so he still kinda feels like he's inside the cage/surrounded by walls when he does so. I'm working on ropes (with wire in them) from their cage to extend the range that they travel from it, but we don't get far. I've kinda given up really, their cage isn't that big, it's small enough to fit through doors & is on big wheels now so I can wheel them around easily & I just move their cage to let them experience different aspects of life, rather than trying to get them out of it. They're pretty good with coming onto the perches outside the cage, right at the open doors, but that's really their limit. When I'm watching tv or on my computer in bed, I put their cage next to it too & have ropes going from their cage to my bed & if I put enough treats on it, I can sometimes get them to leave their cage & come over onto the bed, sometimes even walking along the bed up to my head to steal food I'm eating, which is good :) They run back to their cage super fast if anything at all startles them though. Girl's a little more comfortable out of her cage & the 2 of them together works really well, they kinda get confidence from each other, one will lead & the other will follow (varies which one in different settings), feeling safe being with it's friend/mate. They won't preen or do mate things, cause of boy's touch refusal, but they area closely bonded & rely on each other for security. When they went to the vet to get hormone implants, boy went in first, then returned while girl went in & he was beside himself, ripping out chunks of feathers where the surgery had been & just really, really distressed. When girl returned, she was really groggy from anaesthetic & just sat on the perch, boy actually pushed up against her for comfort & continued doing it so hard he pushed her right up against the wall & then put his head under hers & hid there & stayed there, hidden under her head, right up against her, until they got home. That was really interesting actually, cause he normally HATES contact & keeps his distance & seems pretty together, while girl is the one that seems distressed easily, but clearly he uses her for comfort & security too. Girl actually has him henpecked & if I put my hand into the cage or do something she doesn't like, she demands he defend their cage for her, which he duly does & attacks me on her command lol. They generally actually come out to the perches just outside the door if they want attention from me & like me close to them, just as long as I don't touch in the case of my boy. Girl likes to preen my eyebrows & lean against my check, not allowed hands near her though. Stuff like "step up" they hate, because they don't feel they have control over where they are if on a moving hand. I keep trying, but they will really only do one foot on my hand, while the other is locked onto their cage & that's despite 2 years of working on it. They're just too emotionally messed up to ever really do "normal" parrot things I think but they're fairly happy little things now I think, lots of happy chatter & interacting with each other & me. Girl still plucks, but she doesn't do the mental asylum type rocking back & forward anymore which she used to do near constantly when I got her) & doesn't do distressed screaming or crying (that also used to be constant) & even plucking isn't that same manic, distressed, fear type motion now, seems to be just that addiction to the endorphins that go with self mutilation created pain. She likes playing with smart toys sometimes too now & boy likes watching other birds on tv & doesn't aggressively bite any hand anywhere near him (he came with a glove for changing his food & water & directions "you'll need this" & apparently no-one could get anywhere near him without really severe biting. He even vocally told the vet "no" in bird language when she gave him a pat, rather than biting her hand off for it, which is impressive progress for him) they're ok with me moving their cage to various locations, from my bedroom to living room to kitchen & even outside (although not any sun, they're little vampires that think they will melt if the sun touches them & hide from it lol). As long as they're together & have me & their cage, they seem to be fairly happy in their own ways, just not the really full life that most parrots want & enjoy & can't do simple things like have them on my shoulder to come with me into the kitchen, have to move the entire cage, or leave them & have them calling me, even if I just do something simple like go into the kitchen to wash up a used plate & don't take them in their cage with me. They do seem generally happy with life as it is now though, so I'm happy with that. Only thing that worries me is boy is older than girl, I don't know how old, but he's not young, so I don't know what happens when he dies of old age, I may even end up having to get girl euthinased at that point if I can't make more progress on her learning to cope with life without him. She wants to have a baby, I'm really hoping I might be able to get her a fertile egg & maybe through that a baby that can then become her companion long term, without messing with the relationship the 2 of them have now. Not that easy to get a fertile egg at the right level of development for her to sit on & hatch though. Anyway, for now they're basically happy, certainly learning to enjoy an abuse free life :) & will say, treats are limiting with these 2, cause they had a diet of bird junk food previously, so "treats" to them means the foods that they are supposed to eat. They just love their nectar mix & also love veggies, so hard to treat them when they HATE things like seeds, that are usually treats, cause of being forced to eat nothing but sunflower seeds for so long. They love having fresh veggies they can browse on whenever they like during the day, that's heaven to them, especially when they have their nectar too & even moreso when their nectar is put in various forms to simulate nature, such as on bottlebrushes. Things most birds take for granted, for these 2 give them great happiness in life :)

You are sooo right. Animals have emotions. I think many people deny it because it justifies the cruaulty they have on animals. Same goes for my recue cat than for your parrots. She was abused then abandoned on the highway. When she arrived at my home, I could not touch nor approach her. She would run. She was afraid of toys, couldn't do any sound (she tried but no sound came out), was scared to take treats in my hand. She is so much better after two years. She is much more secure and relaxed (loves pets, purrs a lot, sleeps with her belly exposed on our bed). She plays and meows like a normal cat. She's still easily scared of noises, doesn't come on lap nor in someone arms but we are patiently working on it, at her own pace.

@@mehere8038 wow, you certainly have done a lot for them and obviously care for them so much. I do kind of wonder if they will actually end up having babies at some point. I'm not sure but I wonder if that might affect their relationship though? my guy had some cage insecurity, but not as much as your birds'. It was more that he liked being near the cage and definitely only want to be in the room near where the cage was (the living room). it took me 1.5 years to get him to be comfortable in other rooms, but not he really is ok. So I wouldn't give up on them yet. It's great they can be in another room in the cage, but ultimately I think they still could learn to be happy out of the cage. There's actually a FB group that has experts you can discuss these weird parrot behaviors with, and their advice is generally quite good (and it's free). facebook.com/groups/parrotbehaviorandtraining/

Not always. Dismissive avoidants are very good a doing things alone, just like they had to play alone in their room when they were children because they were often ignored. And than we have the mix of both types= fearful avoidant which can be 50:50 anxious and dismissive or 40:60, the behaviour depends on the situation and the person that is involved.

Well I went further and had constant skin on skin contact with my baby and always spoke to him like he was a senior manager of a large corporation

based@@rickymort135

@@rickymort135 😂😂

Listening to your story from the outside I suspect the story of you kicking your mums heart is not true but the product of your mothers abusive personality. How cruel of her to tell you that story and paint you as the bad guy before you were even born.She seems to me to have some kind of personality disorders and maybe even had undiagnosed/untreated post partum depression.😢 sending you love from Ireland

@@millyvolance from my own research, I suspect that she might be a narcissist (I know that word gets thrown around a lot these days but the diagnosis fits her to a T) or possibly borderline. I'm by no means an expert though. Either way, thank you for the kind comment. It means a lot.❤

@@NekoArts most welcome - you keep taking care of yourself xx

I feel your comment so deep in my bones. I was never neglected as such but my mum was never emotionally connected to me. She had many miscarriages and still births before me. Like I mean a lot. Upwards of 20 and I think she thought I was going to go the same way. I was born premature. My mum was a good mum. The best she knew how. Except for when she wasn't. And then she'd tell me she wished never had me. That shit runs deep. I had everything I needed and some things I wanted but I never felt loved. Now as an adult I have great difficulty in social situations. I always feel like no one listens to me and I have nothing worthy to talk about. I cannot ask for things like you, I can't even make a solid decision sometimes. I never had and I never will tell my kids I wish I never had them. We are poor. We don't have everything we want but my kids are loved and provided for and I wish that was the standard for every child

I have the same experience. I never felt truly loved as a child and it still haunts me today as an adult. I feel the effects of trauma.

I gave up at 17 and though have tried to interact with the narc psychopath of a so called mother into my 20s… I stopped all contact sometime in my 20s. Life’s better without that battle in my mid 30s… maybe it will continue to get better after now…. But I can’t possibly ever imagining willingly being trapped in that kinda hell for another 30 years.

My sister in law spent her days trying to get her mother to love her or even react to her. I actually said to SIL you are wasting your time . She literally had 2 car accidents within a block of her mothers home after driving for Two hours to visit her and she would turn around and go home . Her life was so miserable . Her mother was a monster

If your mother was like that, that means someone did it to her too to be like that. There are children that understands their mother and there are children that don't. Some moms never tell their kids they love them, but their kids will tell their mom they love her. It may be hard for mom to say it, but she shows it everyday. Despite mom's situation, her children are still her top priority, but some children grow up pointing fingers at mom as if she doesn't love her kids. That's c r u e l for moms all over the world when it is mom that does everything for her babies. Smh. The only thing women should stop doing now is having babies because the quality of ppl are h o r r i d. Mom cannot do everything.

@@mazezace You're missing the point.

I agree@@mazezace

Awww that’s sweet

Every child deserves loving parents

VixxScene, you're doing what Daniel J. Siegel, Ph.D., calls "parenting from the inside out." This is exactly how you heal: dealing with things as they come, which they do as you see yourself in your children. Some people pass the trauma on, and others dig deep inside themselves to change the pattern. Blessings on you and yours! You are doing heroic work.

Good job addressing your trauma, it's so hard. However please make sure you don't overcompensate by doing the complete direct opposite, because one extreme isn't better than the other. I've seen children suffer as adults because their neglected parents smothered them too much to overcompensate the negligence they had experienced in their own childhoods... Balance is key.

I can speak from experience about this matter. It's really easy to remember all the negatives. Try to remember a positive you may have shared with her. She was a mentally unwell woman who was giving a baby and no instructions and no support and no understanding. Just remember nobody is all evil. I let my resistance and my anger towards my mother blind me to the good things about her. I was blessed to have my heart heal from that so that I could see the truth. May life give you what you require for peace and happiness.

Sometimes all you have is a the example of how not to be and that’s a lesson we can use to our benefit. I understand this one

The jury is still out. Wait until your kids reach adult hood and hear what they have to say before you pat yourself on the back.

Hello from neighbouring Poland. Can you please advise whether there is an age limit to when you can make effective changes? I always heard of 26 and have become increasingly worried for myself ever since I passed that mark. Thank you in advance.

@@ZosiaSamosiaOo , in the meantime, we know that even the brain of elderly people in their 60-80 still changes and makes new connection. It is never too late!

​@@ZosiaSamosiaOohave a look at Bessel Van Der Kolk: The Body Keeps The Score. As a 61 year old survivor, I recommend you have a support network in place before trying to do anything other than gain intellectual knowledge. None of us can do the necessary work in an emotional vacuum. None of us can maintain an external objectivity to our changing internal processes, we need feedback and encouragement from an experienced supporter. Having friends who can take our mind off the work to simply have fun instead is often forgotten in the earnest desire to heal. Good luck and enjoy life as much as you can.

@@ZosiaSamosiaOoreread it. He said any age with the words: “neuroplasticity does not go away.” Yes, you can!

@@michellebyrom6551 Thank you. I'll take that advice as well. I haven't read "The Body Keeps the Score" yet but I did read "When the Body says No" by Gabor Mate and that really inspires me to keep trying to heal. And yes I take my healing interpersonal journey way too seriously. Will try to have some fun while I'm at it:)

Wishing the best for you and your baby boy. ❤️

You are a star mom. Would you let us know whether EMDR therapy has managed to help you to heal?

Thank you for sharing. You will overcome as you realize the need for it. You are a supermom, because that's what supermoms do!

Did it work 🙏

Hugs and love ❤️

Same for me, I am also from an Eastern European family. It’s sad and I mourn for my younger self. But I try to look forward and remember what progress I have made despite my limitations from my family. Now I can provide more to my own family.

44yo, from balkans, both my parents couldn t emotionally connect w anyone or understood emotions etc. Maybe the cultural element is just an excuse bcs an empathetic mother, attuned w her child won t emotionally neglect it -or even avoid any physical touch. I now accuse the system bcs for some reason we don thave the info from school about the existence of so many ppl among us who perceive life differently than the majority-like my parents but i thought at the time that they were rare exceptions. How does school prepare us to live as adults..? Dangerous & suspicious -& unfair for all ppl involved.

😢

I’m thinking that’s what my mental Problems may stem from. Raised by a very stressed out single mother, etc. I’m so glad I read your comment.

@@tracycooper2697 I'm glad to have helped. I hope you are doing well, and can find someone who specializes in this to help you on your healing journey💗

I am a stressed out single mum with zero support l.My children have secure attachment style and are healthy and happy children. They are my reason to breathe and I'm doing everything in my power including parenting course to raise emotionally healthy kids. I am doing counselling to deal with my own trauma. Thank you for reminding me how my stress can effect my children

@@user-dr3it1pj7d You're doing a great job. If they aren't already, I know your kids will be proud and grateful that their Mum did everything possible to give them the best upbringing. Keep up the good work, I know it can be difficult sometimes!

@@Rachel-nc8kp Your comment brought tears in my eyes. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/031/356/bawwww.jpg

Have always said the emotional neglect felt just as bad as physical abuse/neglect if not worse, bc at least the physical is in the moment but the mental is neverending. I’m genuinely & wholeheartedly sorry you feel as if your life isn’t worth living & hope you’re able to change that perception someday & realize all of our lives, despite how difficult, is worth living. You matter, you’re enough.🖤

I felt this comment so hard. Sounds like my inner thoughts. And my mother was very similar.

Please dont blame your mother. Ect and antipsychotics controlled her fully. She did not do this because she wanted to.

Thank you! Some think that just getting the children out of the abusive home is enough to heal them. It is not! I left home at a very early age due to abuse and neglect thinking that leaving home was what I needed to be happy. Strange thing was I did not become happy, although I did enjoy the peace of not living in the home of my parents. At 61 I am still battling this abuse, trying to process it and heal the grief.

Reading your comment actually brought me some healing. My mother was mentally ill, cold, neglectful and abusive, and I've always had very complicated feelings around this and wonder if she ever loved me. My grandmother died last year (her mother) and she's been acting differently, trying to act like a mother but I'm in my 30's, I don't know what to do with it. I don't want to be hurt anymore, and I certainly don't want her stuff to affect my child. I'd like to think my mother feels like you do. She wasn't the worst mother in the world, in fact, her mother was worse to her, but she also put me in a shelter and told me to kill myself so.. it's hard to feel genuine love. It breaks my heart to think she may have felt love and couldn't show it. It's also hard to believe someone could love you and do such hurtful things. I am trying to do better with my own daughter but she has had to deal with my PTSD and mental health issues. Trauma is indeed very tough to heal when it's generational. Decades of pain doesn't disappear without work.

Soso proud of you for trying tho. I’ve always said it’s never too late for my parents to change & try to do right by me & my siblings yet they still never have. So your effort is very admirable.🖤

😢

I noticed that, too. The first time I watched this experiment I was expecting them to claim that the second child was in some way deprived because of being in the nursery, and I was pleasantly surprised that they didn't. It almost felt purposeful, like the people running the experiment were aware of the stigma, knew it was wrong, and set about to show that the facts support the claim that good caregivers and loving parents is a perfectly healthy arrangement. I was raised by loving parents and cared for at different times by my grandparents and by daycare workers. I've been a nanny myself for twelve years. If the parents and all the caregivers are kind and loving, there's nothing wrong with being raised by a village!

@@thompsonfj1 thank you for being a good nanny! I had a nanny for 2 years when my parents travelled a lot for work at one time. I still miss her sometimes and learnt a lot from her like a bit of several languages

the problem is most places where kids and old people are looked after in the west now are a joke. underpaid young women and immigrants getting paid to take care of 80 of them at once. it's barely even a sound comparison in reality.

Its shocking and I am not looking forward to be coming an old person one day. @@innocuousmerchant8766

Daycares back then were not the same as the overcrowded daycares of today, especially in places like the US.

😢

Very interesting. Thanks for sharing

Oh noooo! How terrible! Just for the record, though, there could be other reasons for the differences besides neglect during a months-long ICU stay. She might have some damage from the birth, for example.

@@EPalsson No she doesn't.

What's cool is that genes are not a given, they are a potential. External forces, specifically your _reaction_ to external forces, is what turns them on and off. So, learning that you can respond to what happens around you and to you in any way you choose is very empowering and liberating. Your thoughts are the most powerful thing in your universe.

The bar is in hell, apparently. I'm sorry you were dismissed when you are in need.

Same here. I still get very angry looking back at how neglectful and self absorbed my parents were

I'm so sorry for your pain. Did your past lead to worse things? Mine lead me to being with abusive men, dancing to pay my bills and im probably lucky ive never been an addict for too long. Was addicted to xane#x for 3 years. I am 40 as well and im finally living with a supportive friend who helps me and does not hurt me. The last 10 months are the only peace ive known. Im crying so much as I write this.

@@gothicgirlfriend7375 I was on my own most of the time, as I hadn't really learned to socialize properly. I know now I'm on the spectrum, so that didn't help things. I had few relationships, none really lasted. The worst was 3 months with a narcissist, but I managed to get out of that without too much fallout. Some things broke, but I got out okay. I have been with a loving partner and a great friends group that take me how I am. I still feel on the outside sometimes, but it gets better. I keep working on it, mainly cause I'm stubborn and don't want this to rule my life. I have gone low contact with my mother though. I'm finding it hard to forgive.

@sadeva6532 same. I just cut my sister off yesterday for good because she was the first real narcissist I ever loved. Good luck to your healing. Stay on track. You're doing good.

Thank you so much for the comment. I love knowing the background of viewers!!

Right? I said something like this to my therapist, like "I don't want kids, I feel like I'm going to screw them up" and her response was "just you thinking that shows that you WONT be a bad mom. Think of how many people have kids without even worrying about something like that, without taking the time to reflect on themselves and how their actions affect their children"

@@CieraMychele what a reassuring thing to hear! Others see our strengths before we do sometimes🤷🏼‍♀️

Just caring this much I am not worried about you! They don’t come with manuals. You won’t and can’t be perfect

You'll be fine. Just love and talk to the baby as much as possible. "Mothering instinct" is a myth, however, it's not that mysterious or enigmatic either. It's a lot more casual and subtle and warm than is depicted. Less "fireworks" and more "This bed was kinda soft and inviting when I initially got in it, but nowwww...now that I've gotten cozy and warm here, I will cling to this comforter for dear-life and fight anyone who tries to take it from me." You don't realize how viscerally attached you've become until you self-audit later.

I said same to my therapist, got same answer.

I'm not so sure. On the other end, many people don't even stop and question the events of their childhood because they think only physical harm constitutes as abuse. Not to mention it threatens the relationship and image they have of their parents. They think they had it pretty good and the parents usually think so too. It's only when they take off the rose-colored glasses and stop making excuses for their parents as they probe a memory that they begin to realize something isn't quite right. Children have a deep need to believe their parents are good. If there is a problem, the child would rather blame himself than find fault with mom or dad -- because if mom and dad are wrong, then there is no hope of a safe haven and the world becomes a truly scary and dangerous place. Instead he'll unconsciously mold himself to be "lovable" in order to fit in and survive. This requires him to bury his real feelings and this repressed state of being becomes his new normal. I think depression and other disorders can absolutely come from loving families, but not emotionally stable ones. Just my observation. It unfortunately takes much more than love to raise a child.

Re word your story might help like my mum neglected me cause she used drugs n alcohol, your mother had major trauma as well happy people don’t get hooked on drugs etc. she made me feel what ? Change to I felt this or that! Can you see the power shift here. Don’t be a victim don’t be a survivor aspire to live a better life. If you have questions don’t hesitate to ask me😘

@@jacquelinequigley6035 thank you so much for your wise advice. May God bless you and yours ❤️

Same!

That is how you dealt with it. To Others, a similar situation gives the hunger to achieve and the will to fight.

​@@lauravergot9995don't minimise their experience like that. What a useless comment.

I relate so much, I could have written this comment myself.

Maybe you can send her one of these short videos. These are very good videos.🙏 = Codependent Parents Expect Children To Meet Their Needs - ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-ihCWAUOsFdE.html // Are You Your Parent’s Parent? - ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-yufoE1k9ynM.html // Emotionally Immature Parents (EIP) - ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-BybBu-K4lxc.html // When A Parent Can’t Self Regulate - ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-qud7GTHFjU8.html Maybe one of the videos resonate with you.

Do not play poker with this woman

Jesus can help you.

I hope you can continue learning and healing. You seem like you'd be a wonderful person to know. I hope someday you can use your knowledge to help others

@NighttimeDaydreams awwwwe thankyou so much for your kind hearted reply 🥹❤️ you seem like such a lovely person 🙏 I hope to help others in any way I can, even if its just to learn something off of or be a bit of a counsellor for someone who has went through their own trauma 🥰

@yukisanderson6907 I appreciate the sentiment, and I understand why people have and maybe even need faith at times, but I was brought up catholic against my wishes and honestly it kind of ruined religion for me 😅 I believe there's more than what we see with our eyes, I believe in energy, I believe even in karma at times, I believe Jesus was a person in history, but that is where my faith ends for now. Thankyou tho!

Did you get tested for adhd? It's mostly hereditary.

What does ADHD have to do w being Abusive?? 🤨

@@sweetcherry7759 when undiagnosed and untreated, parents don't even realize the harm they cause -- I have it also

​@@sweetcherry7759I dont think that is what he meant. But have ADHD and autisim. I have never been abusive either. But i can tell he wasnt implying that. He was just saying that was on the list of things they had wrong with them.

Main reason I only use my phone when my daughter is asleep or playing solo (that took a couple years!) Sometimes I get engrossed in an article but, immediately apologise, put phone away and play/interact with her. You make an excellent point.

I’m horrified to see young children in pushchairs completely ignored when mother/ father is pushing them, and instead, is on their phone. Those children aren’t learning the names of things, colours, etc, and aren’t having their attention pointed to interesting things on the street. Social media etc is far more of a curse than a blessing, with regard to the young in particular.

There's two ages where you have a lot of synaptic pruning around memory. One is around the age of 5 and you kind of forget most things that happen between the ages of 0-3. But obviously babies have memories! Like, my daughter is 10 months old and last week was crying when I used a new handheld vacuum cleaner. I turned it off, comforted her, and that was that. A few days later I brought it out again and she burst into tears. So even that small trauma stuck with her!

I second that. It’s not easy to fix. And may take many decades to realize that there is even an issue.

Agree wholeheartedly. Anyone that leaves a baby to cry... that's neglect.

There are research on that. It does affect their brain

This is so sad, hopefully another good family member can take him in, but that’s a lot of adversity for such a little one. You never know, your aunt may live long enough for him to be self sufficient. I hope the 2nd hand smoke don’t affect him too bad, I’m sure it does. Also, your aunt may quit for him.

@@GegeP1804 sadly my aunt has no plans to even try to quit. We're hoping they'll be manage until he is grown up, though it's unlikely. We can't take him in as my mom is on disability and can't even lift a toddler and I am too young for that sort of responsibility. There's really nothing we can do beside have hope

@@kiwimiwi5452 ooh okay, I understand. I do believe in God and miracles. He is okay where he is now so I pray he gets all the love he needs to thrive. Also, I can tell that you are caring as well since you are even thinking about him. All the best to you and him!

@@GegeP1804 thank you!

Thanks for the comment mate!

I was thinking the same thing. I was taught about such an experiment when i was in high school, back in the late 70s. Ive often wondered about that case and have tried find more information about it. Heartbreaking...

It might have been in Russia too but I remember it being Romanian babies in orphanages under the dictator Nicolae Ceaușescu who were just left alone except for cleaning them and feeding them. Those little babies would die from the lack of touch. Others would also just fail to thrive having severe emotional issues.

@@puggirl415That breaks my heart. Dying from lack of touch is almost unbearable to comprehend.