I loved the insight into this number. I'm an 8w9. However, I have a question-- I see myself as not wanting to BE controlled and am fine letting someone else have control IF they are a competent leader. I also don't normally just step up and take over UNLESS no one else is. Is it really that we want control? or that we don't want to BE controlled? I usually observe first before deciding if my leadership is needed. I have to watch myself to make sure I don't overwhelm others with my 8-ness and not "bowl them over". I am passionate but not everyone shares that same feeling. It is HARD because in my head I'm like "Why don't you care as much as I do?" lol
It’s both right. Our core fear is of manipulation and control. Our fears often guide our desires as we take steps to ensure that we are never in a situation where we can be controlled. A situation in which you are in control is also somewhere others will never control you. By allowing others who are competent to lead, you are deciding who is “competent”. As long as you respect the work of the other people in charge, you deem that they are “fit” to lead and thus, maintain your level of control. So, although it’s less unhealthy, you are still seeking control of the situation.
8w7 here .I feel exactly the same! I do not want to control people. But unless you are super competent and straightforward, you should rather not try to control me. Although I will control Situations. If nobody else steps in.
Thank you. I just found this channel and these 8 videos are helpful; as I am an 8 and am fairly new to the world of enneagram. I just stated the other day that I'm tired of feeling like I'm "too much" for people, and I think it's a them problem, not a me problem, but this video taught me to see it other wise.
Long wait from One to Eight! Thanks for this episode Ian & Anthony! I'm a Social 8w7. I find that I like the Enneagram has helped me to be a better coworker. I am a Communications Manager on a church staff. This has been a trying time for our staff for sure.
I'm an 8 married to a 9 with a 4 and a 7 as sons in a stay at home world. It has been good, challenging and eye opening at times. Thanks for this, although I didn't particularly "enjoy" it. The description is unfortunately spot on. Trying to stay healthy, happy and useful on Ohio.
I am a Estp male 8w7, try to control or work off my exaggerated in pulses. Exerting more control with people who need it and giving people more drive for freedoms is the only thing that's helped
I'm a 4 but I do have a question. I know we feel that 8 can be too much to us, however is that "too much" from a real and healthy perspective without denying who they are or much of the "too much" is just perceived only from and based on our paradigm or discomfort. Aren't we denying them sometimes who they are for our own comfort? Will we feel be fine being denied who we are for only others comfort? I mean that's a question that popped up in my mind, some clarifications might help
Sexual 8 here (semi-self aware). From what I've gathered, it can go either way. I can certainly be too much when I'm less healthy. Such as when I feel the urge to curb stomp someone who I feel desperately deserves it. Now, I always stop myself (thus far), but I notice that other people usually feel the energy and back away (which is the proper response). In those situations too much from your perspective is a correct response. When healthier, my excessive energy is normally used to help others (not just myself). But the intensity of the energy can still be too much for people. In this instance, I don't think it's nessesarily right or wrong to want to duck for cover. But I also know that I can sometimes be trying to help someone who doesn't want it. I guess what I'm trying to say is, whether we are too much or not is always going to be calculated and perceived based on what you think/feel. There is no difference between me being overwhelming and you perceiving it, or not perceiving it. If you feel afraid, you feel afraid. If you feel empowered, you feel empowered. The only question is...am I trying to help or hurt you? I know it's hard, but I wish people would just ask. I'm not the type of 8 who's going to belittle you for being emotionally honest. That makes me a little different from other 8s I've met. I know what it's like to feel like a bug that's been stepped on, and I don't wish to step on anyone unless they intend to harm me or someone who I perceive as innocent.
@@andrewwabik5125 Hello Andrew! I agree with what you said. I think that most 8s are ENTJs, but there are a few of us ENFJs in there what care about everyone’s feelings & the work that needs to be done. Insightful explorations of the “too much” of an 8. When you are near an unhealthy 8, it is totally and completely okay to remove yourself from the situation no matter what they say. With a healthy 8, they can still be intense but if you wish to improve your perspective of them, you can focus on their positive intent & treat them accordingly.
I have never been able to distinguish if I am an 8 or a 2. I know where I go in stress...scary! But I can be wicked funny. I like to help others, but sometimes it is more like "lead, follow, or get out of the way". I won't enable others, but it feels rewarding to help someone with a resource that empowers them - especially rewarding when I see their eyes light up like "I get it!"
8 will never miss type as 2 as 2 tend to be fake and misleading people pleasing and some what pathetic 8s are agressive cruel uncaring and in your face
How I knew I was definitely 8 ( and not 2): In my ‘distress’ I go to 5: withdraw! I too love people and helping but I am direct, nice without manipulation... hate that. Not that all 2 are that! Anyhow hope it helps! 😊💪
There's a difference between allowing yourself to be vulnerable with a close friend which I think 8 are great at, versus people who feel sorry for themselves and expect everyone else too as well, it's repulsive
