As a 1w9, this was awesome, Tom. Never trying or starting something because of the fear of being corrected for getting something wrong has held me back from a lot of opportunities. Good perspective to see how limiting that can be in life and that there’s grace in putting yourself out there and making mistakes! Trying to lean more into my 7 by laughing those mistakes off (it takes time to hush the inner critic!)
Posting this here instead. Was a comment to help someone, but then realised they where an adult. So Advice for Young Men: Whats helped me is going for long walks when im frustrated. Amygdala exersizes to calm our nervious system down - so that we are not constantly angry as a "Flinch" response. Also if you are a young male, its sometimes to do with your testosterone levels waking up (you either want to shag, or get angry lol), so beat one off and youll feel better for it in the moment or go lift something heavy, or shout out to sea. Its often NOT your parents or situations as to WHY your feeling angry, its sometimes just to do with your body waking up. Testosterone is a mans journey through life, it’s the source of our greatest power. Being strong, protective and meeting the threat is all ok... its just not ok on a daily basis!. Remember that. And more often than not, people dont deserve it. Also being gentle with strength, integrity and boundaries. We are the Rock that others lean on. We love deeply. All things to learn in equal measure. Also you dont have to forgive people if you don’t want to, but you do have to forgive yourself for carry it!. That smoldering rage inside is only going to hurt you in the long run, so let it go of it. Be kind to yourself, youve got this. And if you see them about, its worth being sociably acceptable. Theres some people I haven’t forgiven at an event that I go to, but I can be sociable towards them without being a dick. They just know they will NEVER reach that same level of closeness with me ever again. Anyway, hope that helps. All the best
Thank you so much for your videos. As a Type 1 I get impatient and never was able to commit to formal therapy. I love how concise and enlightening your videos are. You explain so much I have thought about myself and it's like finding a How To Guide on understanding me. Utterly life-changing and I wish I found you sooner.
I'm so glad to hear that my videos resonate with you! Understanding ourselves can be a journey, and it's great to know that my content has been helpful for you. Keep exploring and growing!
Some mutterings which readers might find interesting. See if you relate to this as a 1: • I get angry when im threatened, and if something is unjust • I get annoyed when someone is demanding I do something, instead of asking • Seeing people not doing the right thing. Why aren’t other people doing this? Because they dont have "aught to, got to, should do" voice going on in their heads all the time (Dr. Tom LaHue said this, that was a great) • They are not going to live up to my standards. I focus on 2 things that arent exactly right, so others experience me as Judgemental if im not careful. • I do accept when ive done something wrong and work on that, and im always trying to get to the bottom of things, to the truth so that i can heal. So people trust me because im always going to be honest about it. • I dont forgive, nor forget... But i HAVE TO forgive myself for carrying the anger, the smoldering rage, so that i can let go of it and not hurt myself and become unwell. • I like to know the rules, and the truth. But you say that “Rules without being kind and compassionate will lead to rebellion in others” that’s interesting. • Never surrender, never take the knee. I can let go of things, accept things to keep the peace or go with the flow. But never surrender, that’s being a pussy and weak. • In very loyal so being Betrayed is the greatest sin you can do to me • Truth, honesty, loyalty are very strong virtues. • I like to intensely delve into the deepest recesses of consciousness and seek out those inner mysteries, to get to the bottom of things and so am good listener and help others. People cant lie to me. I love deeply and whole heartedly. However these intense emotional feelings I can sometimes turn in on myself - I can be my own worst enemy, no one can beat myself up as much as I can beat myself up!. (interesting you say) At best: fun loving, charming, relaxed, laugh at myself, Peace loving At worst: Disappointed, frustrated, envious, misunderstood, moody, drama, self defeating, overly intense For fight or flight, im a fighter, I meet the threat. So when someone has a go at me, I react back with force. Its not a thinking thing, it’s a flinch response!. So saying “oh just be calm and think what you would like to say” doesn’t happen. My nervous system is constantly on edge. So this is an important bit for readers, ive found it would be good to do daily calming exercises (even on good days) so that we can train our nervous system to be calm. Then if something happens we can act with purpose - rather than as an amygdala flinch response. I am my own boss, so when I know ive got to do something ive have “should do, aught to, got to” voice, which feels like demands, so I avoid it, and go into distraction instead and then end up feeling GUILTY because im not living up to my own standards and getting on with the things that I said I would, because my word is my word. So… ive had to ask my boss to be kinder to me (I wouldn’t allow someone to talk to me the way in real life). So ive asked my inner boss to be more like "Ask me to do things. Suggest that it would be good to get some things done today, because it will make me feel good. Can you do this today please?" etc. Seems to work. Im now even using it in my head. So im learning how to be kind to myself, take time out and enjoy nature, feel that everything is ok, that im a good bloke and kind. Just relax, youve got this.
Hey Tom, Just wanted to let you know that ive recommended your videos to 6 of my friends now. They are all looking into it, and learning new things. Thank you brother ❤
I had to get rid of "shoulds" in my 20s because I was abused as a One by even stricter Ones at work. The work Ones were social Ones, and I am a sp One. They would come down hard on me, and I would torture myself for not living up to "the standards", lol. So in therapy, in my 20s, a therapist pointed out all the 'shoulds" in my language, and I got the message. I no longer use "shoulds", and I am a happy person in my 50s. Don't sweat the small things.
Haajhaha dude!!!!!!???? Tom i realte so much as en ennegram type 1 but even though i am a self preservation enngram type 4!!!!! I look alot like a enegram type 1 when i am integrated i go and become and enngeam type 1 when i voice with my Dad i was angry at the sins and unkindess and no love and no respect disrespect too someone with a learning disability at church while at church Tonight! and i helped him by giving him a gift of my wrist band and red colored cross and i give it too him and i was praying over him in God and Holy Spirit and Jesus and I'm glad i did that!!!! To him!!!!! I read from "Ennngram from awareness too Action book" "All Ennegram types wll show their ennegram the type they integrated and the ennegram type 4 when integrated to ennegeam type 1 the Ennegram type fours will be angry over the wrong the wrong things and sins and evils other do it the ennegram type four will be the integrated type 1 ennegram type and will be voicing their aggression and anger when in a healthy and nurturing environment!!!"
Hi Tom, can I suggest a couple of videos on Tritypes? Like, all of them. I think the variants plays a more significant role than wings/sp/so/sx or even healthy levels.
This is my second comment on your channel today. I am a newly “diagnosed” 9w1 and I have been struggling with feeling comfortable in my own skin for the best part of 17 years. This video has shown me that I feel the way I do because I have so much bottled up anger. What do you recommend for someone in my position who can work on improving with anger in the future, but also feels the need to release the stored anger inside?
Hi there. Me too. Im ex army so have had to let go of anger. This has been a long road of feeling "injustice!" and "betrayal" and slow burning RAGE. I dont forgive... I dont surrender. But, in my later years ive had to learn to forgive myself for carry it for so long!. That smoldering rage inside is only hurting me, so i had to let it go of it. Accept situations as they are, for it is as it is. No amount of screaming at the sea helped in the long term (although it felt good at the time). No, its unhealthy to carry this if its something that cannot be resolved. Long walks on in the mountains until your tired out or being with friends to take your mind off it helps. Boxing is good, lifting weights is another. Ultimately we have to find ways of relaxing our "Amygdala" to calm our nervious system down - so that we are not constantly angry as a "Flinch" response to things. Work on Amygdala exersizes, laying flat on the ground and turning your head to the left for 20sec and then turning to right for 20sec until you yawn. This Will help. Oh and look up EMDR. All the best
Yeah, reformers get upset. If I were sent somewhere and no one "reformed," my anger would be in direct proportion to what it cost me to get there & what it cost God, to give you the opportunity to change. Eg. Moses. How would you type Moses, David, Daniel, Paul, John, Matthew - Luke?
