My mother wound is so deep I opted out of having kids of my own. The thought of the slightest chance of passing on my trauma to my imaginary babies was paralyzing. I am so glad I live in a time where I have bodily autonomy and financial freedom to opt out of what I don't believe my nervous system can handle. Now I am focused on parenting myself, and the work is daunting. Then Ms. Jennifer came along. Look at God, y'all ❤
I ALMOST DID THE SAME THING BECAUSE I DIDN’T WANT TO MESS MY CHILD UP. BUT GOD HAD OTHER PLANS. PREGNANT 🤰🏽 AND DID NOT KNOW IT FOR ALMOST 2 MONTHS.😅 NOW I HAVE A 13 YEAR OLD SON. AND HE IS THE BEST THING THAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY LIFE. HE IS THE ONLY ONE AND I DON’T WANT ANYMORE CHILDREN AT THIS POINT. I HAD HIM AT AGE 35. I HEAR YOU SIS. 💯💯💯👍🏾
I never wanted kids until I got older. I had my last one at 39. And they are the best thing I’ve done with my life. It’s kinda selfish but I love knowing a piece of me will be here when I’m gone. And forever if I have grand kids one day.
Thank you for sharing that. My story exactly. And you worded it so beautifully with clarity. I'm 63 years old and made the decision at age 15 to not reproduce for the reasons you mention. I consider it to be the most responsible decision of my young adult life and I have zero regrets. In fact, I now know I could not have developed into the functional adult that I am had I not invested my resources in my own healing. This healing was guided, in part, by the reparenting of two amazing psychotherapists over a period of 20 years. I started that journey when I was 32. I'm living my best life, in part, because I did not let society pressure me into giving birth to children I didn't want or otherwise might have traumatized. The cycle of intergenerational trauma ends with me. Amen.
You’re not responsible for how your parents treated you. You are responsible for healing from it. There’s a difference if you try and make them responsible for the healing portion, you will forever be broken. Yes you’ll be able to carry that around and point your finger and blame them and yes, they will be wrong. But you will still be broken. You’re going to have to make a choice. Continue to blame or heal. You can’t do both.
I appreciate this tread etc, there is very little material on this the book Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers was helpful to me at age 67. In my home a size 3 was never thin enough and more.
my mantra for a couple months was “the bus ain’t coming, start walking to your destination ”. Everytime I had thoughts that something was gonna magically heal me or my mom is gonna magically change I would repeat it. It resulted it me taking full responsibility for everything going wrong, everything.
When I accepted this mantra the universe started sending me help: Older Black women would stop me to compliment me, offer me career support,life advice my mama never taught me and hugs. one lady I met at work bought me a bag I really wanted, just to be kind 🥹 I kid you not!! I pray I get to return the favor to young black girls one day 💗!
❤❤❤❤ I am a white woman, 69 years old and this podcast was the best message I've yet to hear about healing the mother wound. There are six generations of incest, child abuse and spouse abuse in my family (that I can trace). I've been working on healing my own spirit as well as breaking the generational curse so that my children and their children's children inherit a legacy of love, respect and nurturing. Thank you for your "Drill Sargeant" energy that reinforces the need for self-discipline and continuity which creates new cellular memories. You are a healer and a lightworker whose own painful journey and dedicated mission of recovery is a blessed example for the millions of wounded people who are seeking a path to their authentic selves.
You have touched on a very sensitive topic in the Black community, and I applaud you for it. The veil is being lifted on a lot of our traumas. Thank you for your podcast! ❤
I’m a 24 years young black woman, navigating through this world and healing from a lot of mental abuse, thank you for your sweet voice and message ❤❤❤❤
I am definitely in the loneliness phase of my healing journey. The loneliness makes me feel like I’m wrong for wanting better for myself 😂 crazy . Thank you for your guiding words of wisdom
@@Shaa-Belle this was the kicker for me too; I’m personally in a year/era of trying to address all of my shadow work and wounding before my baby comes into needing the rest of her parenting needs that come with her getting older. I’m 27 and I totally refuse to let this trauma pass down to her. Neither of us deserve to have to deal with this, but it’s certainly moreso for me than it is her at this point
I’m sorry if this offends anyone but for some reason this popped up in my feed and while I’m not a black women and do t want to invade the space. But I watched because I relate to the content and let me just say this video was amazing and so so helpful. The words you out it into are so crystal clear and enlightening as well as compassionate but helping us take our healing journey into our own hands. Thank you so much!
I just woke up and decided to turn things around by listening to a few of my favorite gospels to set my heart on Jesus before I begin my daily quiet time, which happens before I start my day. But instead of my selected songs, this episode popped up. I had been looking for a podcast/video that talks about the healing process of relational trauma ( mother ). During this season of my life, God is refining me so that I can let go of the hurt and pain that had gotten buried deep within my heart. Thank you to the host for this content🕊️
Woah… this conversation shook me! …I dropped to the floor of my kitchen and found myself balled up crying until finally I said “I will keep you safe” “I am here for you Asha” “I love you”…. Guess I have some work to do! 😅😊❤ thank you for the work you do 🙏🏽🌞🌞🌞🌞
I'm wrapped up in my comfy blanket, fetal position, stopping the vid after every 2 minutes, coz it's a lot... I so desperately need to give myself a hug but I can't bring myself to do it.
Lord, I pray that you would give me the strength to be the best mother I can be for my children. I know that being a single parent is not always easy, but with your help, I am confident that I can do it. I also ask for your help in providing for my sons emotionally, and physically so that they may always know that they are loved. Lord I struggle every month to provide for my sons. Give me strength. Thank you Heavenly father for your grace and loving tender care, and for always being there for me and my children.❤️💕
This message found me at the right time. I just turned 30, & had a conversation with my parents on our relationship. Like u said, it's our responsibility to heal ourselves, but also making peace with the fact that my parents aren't able to give me wht I needed unfortunately.
I stumbled across this video, definitely divine timing. Nuggets taken away “ Be committed to bettering myself, showing myself grace patience and tenderness. Thankyou
Finally, someone has verbalized everything that I’ve been feeling for 58 years. I got to hear more of you and I am going to put in the work, because I need freedom from myself, correction, from my old self.
Within the first few minutes, I knew you got it. Because as soon as you started saying you were questioning your existence I finished your sentence. I was out in the woods walking as an avid walker, & came across another walker. We started chatting & we started talking about why we love you walking. I said the main thing is because it makes me feel like I’m here. The wide open space with no one around surely means I must exist. He looked at me like 😵💫🤣
It is impossible for a parent to meet their child’s every need. A parent can’t give you something that they themselves didn’t possess. It is important to parent our adult selves & heal. Also realize for those of us who are now parents we too will need to face the parenting missteps one day of our now dependent children. May our healed selves parent better than the previous generation.
I look back on my childhood and my Mother was toxic to me and my sister and it affects my self esteem and over spending to compensate for emotional spending. I forgive myself and my Mother, it's A healing journey 🙏
Yeah my existence has felt more like suffering and trying to survive. I’ve definitely found it difficult to accept my worth and validating myself. I literally don’t feel like I know how to be a functioning adult emotionally mentally physically. It’s like being in panic anxiety all the time. Everything you’ve described is exactly what I feel. Absolutely terrified of life and unsupported. I’m going thru this process of working thru my emotional needs. I usually isolate and withdraw so I gotta make an effort to actually connect with ppl. I see how I’ve been parenting myself in a harsh way like my parents treated me. So that awareness helps me see how to be more nurturing. I’ve never felt commitment or been put first so that does feel uncomfortable
It's so real and so sad how much people in the world are connected by the mother wound. It's such a hard pill to swallow. We honor our mothers like they are God. I had to see my mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother as unemotional hurt women. My mother wound goes back 5 generations before me. Now, since I am healing, my whole family on my mother's side abandoned me. All the family knows what has happened and is happening. But i know God got me. I am safe, I am healing, and I am grateful. Thanks for sharing.
They are not ready to heal, and your healing is reflecting that truth back to them. Healing from trauma can be hard to face if you don't how to deal with it. Thank you for your story.
As adults we can see that they are also wounded people. Don't live your life under their wounds. Live your life and get the help you need to free your mind!
Similar situation. You are NOT alone. My family members think I've abandoned them and I was feeling as though they abandoned me once I decided to move away from all the noise and start healing. When in reality, they weren't meant to go with me on this journey. That season of my life is over and most don't understand.
I’ve been parenting myself for the past 4 years. Though my mother and I were close growing up, I now realize the lack. I didn’t have emotional support and a sense of vulnerability from my mother. It made me tough, on myself but now, I’ve softened up and I give myself so much grace and mercy. ❤🙌🏼
Im in England its 3.20am in the morning. Had a argument with my 'mother' last night. Cant sleep, was scrolling and came across this. I need inner peace so that no one, especially my mother can shake me emotionally. Im upset that I allowed her to do that again. Im going to have surgery soon and she she shared her disaproval without ask any questions about it.I told her that anything she wouldnt do herself or thinks is wrong she condemns and judges. She got angry and told me thats why she doesnt like talking to me and she ended the conversation. Thank you for this podcast.
No one is coming to save you. It’s time to save yourself. -- I felt that, thanks for sharing. Philippians 4:19 NLT [19] And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.
I’m glad you’re here! Just for clarification, I’m not a therapist. I am a woman who grew up with a mother wound and learn how to heal it and now I teach other black women how to do the same thing.
God is truly directing me to heal all my past traumas and allowing me to heal my wounds, I was directed right to your page this morning while I'm staying with my mother during the hurricane in Houston. Lord help me 😭.. thank you for the things you do WE NEED THIS
Thank you for this. I remember when my mom complimented a friend about something she had that I didn’t. After the: anger, sadness, and feeling betrayed I decided to do something about it. I did the work I needed to accomplish it. I said positive affirmations about it and it’s coming true. I subscribed.
This is so great! I am a white 73 year old woman, psychotherapist for 42 years, still doing ongoing self healing work, had loads of therapy, beginning with Primal therapy- and this podcast is brilliant! So much wisdom and love! Thank you so much!❤❤❤
I never realized how deep my mother wound went until I had my daughter. It’s has been actually healing to grant her grace, patience and shower her with love for the last 3 years. Looking at how happy, independent and confident she already is, lets me know I’m on the right track but it also makes me sad that I wasn’t given the same. So happy I was able to find this video. It’s time I started doing the work on myself.
Subscribed, liked and leaving a comment. I’m healing from a family full of narcissists and marrying one as well. I left after 9 years and a child and I’m no contact with everyone. It was an excruciating rebirth but so worth it. This new me and the amount of self love, discernment and high boundaries I have! Whew, only God.
I am a white woman, 46 years old, and I have found SO much value in not only what you are saying, but how you are saying it. Thank you for all your hard work, and sharing it with the world!
New subscriber! Time ALONE is key. MONTHS! ! If you can sit in it Alone, yo u begin to build courage, self pride and more confidence. Never give up on yourself! You are Love, you are Accepted, you are a whole person seperate from your Mother! ...Go build your life as you want it to be! Many of us are out here with you cheering you on
So beautifully said! This is hardly said but I am patiently parenting myself and only over 30yrs I'm unapologetically kind to myself more today than ever! Sending healing to all beautiful Queens.
Jennifer, I have just found you by sheer “chance” today and I am blown away by your words. This talk has been so powerful for me, and I have been in tears listening to you-to find someone who not only knows how it feels to carry this burden but also how we can work to make positive changes in our lives and to let go of the devastating impact of the past. I am 63 years old and I have never felt “normal” like other people, I have always been very anxious and had very low self esteem or self worth. I am going to listen to your podcast talks from the beginning and do whatever it takes to finally shed the past and become empowered and happy. I can’t thank you enough, you are amazing!! 🌈🌻
100% connect to your words, like I'm seriously living in these words! I started therapy last year and grew past a lifetime of really toxic self talk. I'm now getting divorced from a toxic marriage and making an exciting life plan. This is all so true, doing the work - I'm talking Buddhist books, weekly therapy, gardening, working less, reconnecting with good friends and making time outdoors and me time a priority. Thank you for speaking on this!
The first 8 minutes of this video I was like, is she me, has she been reading my journals, has she been living my life the past 28 years because you described me to a T. People always say "do the work, do the work" I get stuck because what the hell is the work? I don't even really know what that means 😅
I hope you keep listening to the episodes and go back and listen to old episodes so you can really know what the work is because it is your responsibility to do it. And of course I’m always here to help and support.❤
The work comes down to developing self love, trusting your own thoughts and intuition above everyone else's opinions and working through self limiting beliefs that are holding you back.
Hi, I just came across your podcast and have subscribed. Thank you. Around a year ago or so I asked my mother how her mother grew up. My grandmother was "taken" (kidnapped?) from her mother by her father and made to live with him and his wife with their children in their village. My grandmother was not allowed to learn to read, while the other children got their education. It just occurred to me while watching your podcast that she was probably the product of an affair. I don't know if my grandmother was ever reunited with her mother. My mother lost her mother at the age of 16. My grandparents weren't married. My grandfather had lots of mistresses, and lots of kids. So the mother wound that I have, and am working on healing, has long roots. I've been doing inner work for years but the "mother wound" only recently became obvious to me. I'm grateful for your channel which speaks exclusively on this. Thank you.
Thanks for giving words of hope. My Mother died when I was 6 years old; somethings are a challenge for me. I appreciate having a coach from my bank helping me be more disciplined. So glad you encourage us.
I can't be nobody but me lol!! shame used to make me believe I was wrong but healing brought so much freedom. We're changing the face of what's acceptable. Im glad you're here!
My family are immigrants from the former USSR and I identified so much with what you were saying. Growing up, there was no tenderness, patience, grace, second chances, or anything like that. It reflects how my parents were raised (more harshly than I was, for sure!) and the tough culture they came from. I never learned how to be nice to myself, or supportive to myself - there was only "you're not measuring up, do better." Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for your message. Developing (and holding on to) self-compassion is definitely a habit and I'm still working on it. So thank you for the support 💪❤
Thank you so much for having these needful discussions. I was an alcoholic and drug addict for years dealing with the wounds done to me by my mother. I now have 3 1/2 years sober to God be the glory, but it took work to get here and work to maintain. I like the idea of reparenting yourself. I think this is a assertive way to give yourself those virtues you didn't get growing up..ie; patience, acceptance, mercy, tolerance, love etc. Who better to give it than yourself...we deserve it..I deserve it! I look forward to your next podcast. I'm getting a lot from it. I can work this along with my 12 step program. One day at a time...thanks so much!❤❤❤❤😊
Thank you to the spirit of the living God that brought me here. First video I have seen from this podcast and it hit the nail on the head. I am in the process of re-parenting myself and releasing toxic behaviors. Having a relationship with my mother in adulthood has also been a complete different experience since the one from my upbringing, so this is perfect for me! Gratitude to you Jenifer Anise.
This is the best video on mother wound. Everything you said is true. My mother was a strict overprotective Colombian mother. No father. This video is on point! Thank you Jennifer! ❤
I know my weakness now. I always seem to find pod cast like this while in different phases in my life, while I'm 3/4 into doing the work. It came to me naturally & This is confirmation that I'm in right direction. I'm shaking at this point, bc our story is way too familiar. I'm on my way now to my psychiatrist. My only out let. I mange to work 4 days instead of 5. That's how desperate my job was & still is. Thursdays are my healing day to the thousand degree Thank you for making me motivated and seen. I was 7 or 8 when 1st karate kid came out😉
Your authenticity is beautiful, even down to the profanity because if I’m being honest, it made me more receptive to your message and I felt welcomed and heard because I myself use profanity in my dialogue sometimes. Thank you for your platform and creating a space for the wounded to be healed.
You are a breath of fresh air! This whole video resonates with me. From job hopping to not trusting myself, lacking close female relationships, being super bad with money, and having low confidence, you touched on so many valid points. All I could do was nod and feel validated. I LOVE your videos-they help me so much. I can't stress that enough. Thank you so much!
Hello Jennifer, my daughter shared this with me and I am so grateful that she did. I will continue to follow you for your help and insight on re-parenting myself. Thank you and I thank my daughter for sharing.💜
I have struggled all my life with what i did not innerstand...and the universe knew i was now ready for this and popped the suggestion..Black mother wound...and Jennifer you were the first and am sticking with you till i heal...I cry n laugh at the same time. I LOVE YOU TOO N THANK YOU UNIVERSE FOR HEARING MY CRY!
Thank you! I’ve been doing the work, in fact I ended up writing a book (fiction) that comes out in a month or so that helped me on my journey. It’s a slog for sure, three steps forward and two steps back, but at least I am a step ahead of where I was. Acknowledging the small victories is spot on- I didn’t murder anyone today, yay! I have found that when I’m feeling the lowest, smiling at strangers or giving someone grace in line at Target helps return the positive energy that I desperately need. Small wins, small graces, small steps forward helps to fill the holes in my heart. You are right, nobody will come save us. Once we recognize that it’s the broken parts that makes us strong, we begin to heal. Thanks for your important work! ❤️
I needed to hear this, I honestly thought I was alone. Which has caused me to become depressed and with high anxiety , I was the same in the workforce , I didn’t know and my mom just really couldn’t help me . And thinking of the future fuels my anxiety … omg i so needed to hear this
I was lost with no one really understanding what I was feeling from the healing from my mother's trauma. thank you for helping me. I now feel heard and understood
I am so blessed that I came across this podcast this is amazing, wonderful and healing! Although I've went through this process and healed from my childhood trauma because I wanted to raise my four beautiful children with a whole me. I want to say thank you so much for the work that you are doing continue to heal our black woman for the Next Generation. Blessings to you Queen and your team....
This message is so timely for me! I’ve been healing from mother and father wounds for a long time and I appreciate your directness and instructions on how to leap further in my healing journey. The triggers are real! But, the healing process is worth it!! Thank you for your guidance! ❤
The timing of this popping up is so crazy, because I was second guessing myself recently about if I'm doing the right thing by putting me first and why it feels so difficult at times, as if I'm scolding myself for not doing everything all at once. This was a reminder that I have to continue to give myself grace and have tenderness for myself. This is all new to me and I'm not going to ace it on the first try, but like with everything, it takes practice.
Exactly what I needed to hear when I needed to hear it. Thank you for the insight to parent that child! The hot tears of release have already started flowing.
You just gave me so much more understanding: This selfparenting has to become a reality, and i need to create this for myself step by step everyday. And the patience you talk about, i'm so gratefull i am in this proces of learning and just like in AA, i can start over again every day. Today ive been so angry and frustrated with myself, but you remind me to be kind and to help myself move foreward instead of fight against myself or push myself so hard. Thank you for this message!
Wow! Too realize I’ve been doing the work not knowing it, not knowing it was needed, not knowing it was even a work to do. God spirit surely leads us into righteousness (right frame of being). Thank you Lord!!! ❤🎉❤
You know how RU-vid is sometimes a mindreader...I got suggested this video from your channel without having looked for mother wound videos for some time. I am so so happy I found your channel and will start consuming all your content ❤ cause it's better than therapy ! Even though I do not fit the target demographic, the channel helps tremendously and I am happy that there is such targeted content out there, because each community and culture has its particularities, some of them sadly not very helpful for us growing into healthy adults. But channels like yours give me hope that we can overcome our challenges 🙏
They way I hit the counter when you said "No one is coming to save you" !!! Subscribed INSTANTLY. I dont know how the algorithm new I needed you and your content but, Im thankful. ❤ Much love, blessings to you Ms Jennifer
I really needed this today! My daughter is turning 3 in a few days and motherhood has been triggering so much in me that I thought I already healed. The layers and layers- the work doesn’t stop. But we have to figure out how to persist and persevere. I have to because I want better for her.
Thank you for the topic. ❤ The title alone speaks volumes. My daughter and son hate my guts. As a single mom, if I never received a hug growing up, I didn't understand how to give the affection that was desired by my children. I sent this to my daughter and pray that she hears the message. God Bless❤
I’m in tears and this video is everything my heart needed to hear. This work is all mine and I own that and I’m really ready to do the necessary evaluation of my mind that’s been programmed to work against me, not my fault, but mine to soothe and love back into a healthy place. Thank you so very much for this message!!
Thank you for sharing your life! I just came across this. It's my life too. I m 63. Like you say I'm realizing I need to do my own work. Nobody is coming to rescue me. I'm a Christian woman, I pray, I try to keep obeying God's word to honor but I realize I need to help myself and God will meet me where I am. Then I can make a difference to others like you are. Fix me 1st! I've got to go back and catch up on your videos from the beginning. God Bless you❤️🙏🏽!
Your video comes at the right time for me. Exactly the daily work i need to do right now. And now Im ready. Im 39 yo now being in therapie on and of since Im 18. But now sober since 5years and 7 months. Getting closer to the beliefe that there can be a loving, trusting, patient world out there when Im open for it.
Every nail was hit on the head here for me. Never feeling seen, so questioning if I even existed. Feeling like the invisible woman. Found you on Instagram happy I ran across your RU-vid. I'm ready to heal, learn and grow. Thank you.
Thank you for your timely words. Your message is so clear of having to do the work. Its simple but its challenging. None of us are perfect but when we're working on being better everyone around you can feel it. Your effort matters. You matter. You deserve to be happy and healthy.❤❤❤❤
I almost died trying to heal with my mom! She doesn’t forgive herself and she took everything I did as if I was attacking her. Then she would attack me. After that I decided to go on this healing journey alone with me and God. It’s definitely a generational issue and I was chosen to break it. I’m being more tender and patient with myself.
This touched me in such a loving way. Often times you need consistent reminders of these words to steer you back where you want to be. So this touched me deeply and reminded me that I can trust myself and that I’m doing a good job and I may “lose myself” here and there but that’s okay baby.
Just found your Channel a few days ago. I really do want to heal and do the work. My mother was horrible when I was a child. Emotional neglect, physical abuse, abandonment and childhood trauma is real for me. Thank you for your hard work and for Sharing❤
Omg the part about not feeling trusted- yes. Now I’m fickle, anxious and lack executive decision-making skills. Also I am very critical and hard on myself, due to not receiving a lot of patience and grace growing up. And WOW the bit about not feeling like I even exist, due to not feeling seen/ understood/ accepted. Whew. I’ve been perpetuating all of these wounds with how I treat/ perceive myself. I’m working on these things but I am so grateful to have someone unpack this outloud. You’re amazing, thank you. 👉🏾
You are so good! Everything you said is REAL! I've been working through my traumas for 4 years now and every word you say is TRUE. And BTW this is cross- cultural y'all! I'm a Caucasian female and have unresolved mother issues, and this hit me so hard. Thank you!
The title peaked my curiosity. Then u started speaking & WOOAHHH!! Excuse me- I’m not the only one?? I’m still a bit protective of her even though she’s in Heaven. But I’m here doing the work/damage control. I am the priority & I’m healing!! New subbie❤
