34:14 This is what drove me crazy in my family. No one ever talked about anything important. We could not be vulnerable with each other for fear of judgement so issues were ignored or swept under the rug. Unfortunately I’ve taken a lot of that into my own family. Definitely trying to work on being better about saying what needs to be said and listening without judgement.
Landon's story about the birthday card reminds me of a Christmas card I got from my non-Mormon grandmother when I was a missionary. My grandmother was a hardcore evenagelical christian and when my mom converted to Mormonism, she wasn't happy. But I know she thought we wouldn't go to heaven (at least at some point she thought that because I remember the arguments they had about it). By the time I was a missionary, she had softened somewhat, but still was the same person. She wrote me pretty much weekly, so I was always happy to get (and respond to) her letters. The Christmas card though was pretty funny. It was a regular Christmas card and old lady in the 80s would have bought, but her handwritten message was what made me laugh. It said, "Have as Merry a Christmas you can away from family and all the people you love." 🤣
This happened to my husband. Before we met, he was dating another LDS girl. This was over 23 years ago so they were talking to each other through the chat page ICQ. He dad got online and pretended to be her so he could sus out information and possibly check to see if anything inappropriate was being said. Once he found out, he broke up with her because he did not want to be a part of a family like that.
The disinterest in anything that isn't church related - that was true for my family even BEFORE I left. I was getting ward updates about people I had never met or heard of until my mom said Sister So-and-so did this. I had to remind my mother I hadn't lived in their ward in over a decade and unless it was the parent of someone my age or some other long time member, I had no clue who they were. I stopped going to any family get together because there were always missionaries and 'potential converts' attending that I didn't know. I realized my parents didn't ever want to see me or talk to me. They wanted photos and a story with 'all' their children/grandchildren to show off to others.
Even before this happened, I was already emotionally estranged. While my dad has now passed away, I am working hard on my mom to understand why the things she did are not okay and how the church pushed their agenda to assist her feeling it was okay.
On the president Nelson comment. My Mom attempted to insist that I refer to God as Jehovah in her house - I left. A couple years later she said that my love in girlfriend and I couldn't sleep in the same room in her house - I said ok well since you invited us I guess the visit is off and I didn't go.
No way should a parent do this. If my parents had done this i would have raised holy hell and probably i would have not spoken to them for quite a longtime . I wouldn't even consider doing this to my own daughter (Similar age and an only child).
I've gone through stages, many many times, that I wouldn't speak to my parents, especially my mom. This was definitely one of those times that they didn't hear from me. At the time, my mom and I worked at the same place but in different buildings. I wouldn't even acknowledge her for a bit, because the boundary was crossed soooooo far
That's fascinating that the percentage of unmarried LDS women now matches the general US population. When I googled, the answer specified 18 or older for LDS women. I don't know if the general population data is directly comparable, because being married at 18 sounds odd for the general population. Maybe LDS women in the earlier decades of adulthood still have a higher rate of being married when compared to the general population. Then, as time passes, with marriages ending, the stats align at some point? Statistics confuse me. I would like to see a breakout by age.
My TBM sisters are heavily involved in creating dating profiles for their children. They send their daughters to BYU (not to go to school-- just to date). My sisters manage the scrolling and spying on the young men they want their daughters to pursue. I think it is vouyeriustic and creepy that they do that.
