For each key point, I have put a heading to make it useful for anyone reading. My favourite headings are big moment, scary rule, para-social relationships and disconnection. Eric Barker Scott Kaufman Key moments [ square brackets = own thoughts] I watched this from 15th to 18th April 2023. Video released on 1st September 2022 Aristotle 00:00 friends are another self. [nice quote: a person is a person thru other people. How to be Perfect by Mike Schur] Agreeableness funny 03:20 On a scale out of 100, I scored a 4. That is not my perception of you. Wait till you know me better. Strategy 04:35 I am playing myth-buster. Do they hold up. Big moment 05:40 We have all felt lonely in a crowd. ‘Loneliness is how u feel about your relations.’ Vivek Murphy: solitude is protective against loneliness. 6:30 You can go on business trips away from friends and family and not feel lonely because you have such strong connections [ big point] Existential loneliness 7:07 Carl Rogers = how disconnected are you from yourself = Existential loneliness. SK: Do people crave relations to distract them from themselves? EB: Arthur Aron: first thing u must deal with is yourself [Connect to David Goggins: the most important relation you have in your life is with yourself. most important conversations u have in life are with yourself.] Funny 08:00 You are patient zero. Do the work 09:25 Eli Finkel: if u do the work and customise a great relation, it is phenomenal [great word choice] Scary Rule 27:45 If it is scary, say it. [Sounds like David Goggins. If it is hard, do it] Para-social relationships 31:13 End of 900, Robert Putnam saw a decline in community. Instead of hanging out with people, you can turn on the TV. Nowadays, the smartphone has become the TV. 32:12 Instagram does not ask you to borrow money. 32:25 We all get a pass due to the pandemic for this. Disconnection = 1 of the best points of this chat 35:00 When u feel disconnected from others, your brain realises I better be on the lookout for threats because help is not coming. [Scott says wow] How do u catch a liar? 39:00 Ask unanticipated Q’s. 40:00 If u ask how old are you? They will say 21. But if you ask what year were they born, they need to do some math. [Scott: that is clever]. So how do u catch a liar? Increase cognitive load. Over-arching takeaway 42:42 The stories we tell ourselves Thank you for this wonderful video Scott and Eric.
Lots to unpack, thanks for the box labels. I appreciated the extensive, well researched information regarding one on one relationships. Though I feel so many relationships are bound by psychodynamic interactions in social groups (which some individuals prefer to avoid altogether). I feel the two distinctly different modes of interplay (eg. old friends vs couple friends) is worthy of a second podcast on the subject of relationships.
