Hi, your struggle really spoke to me. Anime and manga were what motivated me to start writing 5 years ago. I turn 21 in two days and I've been struggling with rekindling my passion while balancing my desire to live a full life. Back then I was a loser, so it was easy to hole myself up in a room and work like my life depended on it. I was angry and miserable back then, but my interest for anime and manga cut through the noise and showed me a pursuit that made life worth living. Gradually, I turned my attention toward self-improvement because I knew that telling stories about life required living it. So, I became more disciplined, healthy, and social in the lead up to high school graduation. In university I traveled, partied, and dated which was fun at the time and made me feel like I was making up for time in high school. But it never truly fulfilled me. I absolutely needed to do those things so that I wouldn't regret them later, but in the process I lost focus of what my purpose is. Plus, by then writing had become a grind I was tired of, so it was easy to turn my attention away because it felt like I was making progress there. What solved my problem was finally integrating the different aspects of my life: what I wanted to do (socializing, dating, traveling) with the parts I needed (creating stories). I had to diagnose myself like a character and lay out who I was and what I wanted, which meant no longer conforming to anyone else's standards unless I also agreed with it (and subsequently made it my own). For example, the people I befriended were all socially acceptable and convenient to get along with because they went to my school, took the same classes, and grew up near my town. But they lacked my same passion for storytelling and the activities they enjoyed (working out, hiking, partying) didn't enhance my skill or creativity. At first I thought this was an intrinsic tension you have to wrestle with, until I realized that finding friends who have that same passion could accomplish both goals at once. They would give me the human connection I sought while motivating me to get better. The transition took 2 years (half of college in the US) and the reason I put it off for so long was because of my fear of rejection. When you're no longer a loser, you don't want to go back to being alone and doing what you care about by yourself. But it's not binary--it's a continuum to be constantly managed and adjusted. You don't either sacrifice your life to make art or sacrifice your art to live life, but rather be alone--FOR A FINITE PERIOD--while you uproot your life to align closer with your crazy desires, before finding authentic people who suit you. That way, your isolation becomes something IN SERVICE of your life rather than an obstacle to content with. Sorry if this was long windeed! We're similar ages so I wanted to offer my advice. I left out a ton of details and lessons for the sake of brevity, but if you want the full story, let me know and I'll be more than happy to share!
This is why i draw manga. I always have something to draw, a reason to draw, and always something to look forward to. Be it a One shot, a series, or just having a reason to improve at X thing (since im still not good enough 😅). Seeing you wanting to make stories makes me happy, and i think you should keep pursuing it!
The film maker Martin Scorsese said that there were times when he did not feel like making the movies, that the story already existed in a million different other movies or that he didn't feel a connection to the material. But he always said that there was at least one aspect that would interest him and he would force himself to focus on that one thing to keep him going. Those movies ended up becoming films that he was proud of.
Yes. This. Also, along these lines, just pursue what you love. You’d be surprised the way life forces itself to fall into a place - and you’ll have some control of that (sorta) if you keep an open mind. You’re on the right track, you’re just psyching yourself out. Keep it up. Keep working. The artists that achieved what they thought they wanted to, they WORKED. Even those that didn’t - they still worked. It’s hard and not fun most of the time. It is, more often than anyone wants to admit, a shitload of slogging through the muck. It often isn’t inspired, or glorious, or “flow.” It is sitting down and going to fuckin work. Over and over. Work is how things get done, and it’s dirty and boring and weird and frustrating and annoying and amazing and aggravating. But still, it is how the world, any world, is built.
You’ve barely started your life, so don’t be so quick to pessimism. You don’t have to give up on all your dreams just because you don’t become an artist. Most big artists don’t draw just for fun, just like lots of professionals in every field don’t just practice their career for fun. It’s a fallacy to believe that every day you’re going to want to do art. Some days will be easy, and some days will be hard and that’s how it’ll be in any career you have. That doesn’t make it bad, it’s just another period of time in your life, and if you keep drawing through it you’ll keep improving even if you don’t like what you see. Look to the bright spots, or else you’ll give up on everything you try to do. There will be another day you’ll enjoy it, just maybe not today. And you’re preparing your skills for that one day when it feels as easy as flowing water. You can start your story now. An aside, as a fellow artist and writer, your first story is not going to be amazing. There are fundamental skills as a creator that need to be established to make a great story that simply aren’t there the first time. I don’t know if you’ve written a story before, but from how you talk about writing itself I’m guessing no. Storytelling is as much of an art form as drawing itself. I feel like you’ve taken a little too much from Tolkien, he was an anomaly. Most people who spend 10 years drafting a novel will not make a masterpiece unless they were authors of previous books, the authors of ORV for example. You have a lot of interesting ideas, but I really recommend making another story first, and using it as a practice round. You don’t want your first big piece to be your baby, that’s what happened with Kaguya Sama’s author and it got cancelled because he didn’t have the skills to tell it yet. I sincerely recommend against just practicing drawing because it’ll leave your other skills way behind and even if you become an amazing artist your dialogue, pacing, and storytelling will most likely suffer. Stephen King wrote 4 novels before getting published and many more short stories. Even if you don’t publish it, please make a short comic or something else as practice, show it to your family or friends and ask for critique. You can be all the things you want to be, see things, do things, have fun, make friends, break your heart; because that’s what people will read your works for. To see that connection. I disagree with your assessment of stories being something ‘unreal’, because the only reason we read art is for a reflection of our own reality. If you read an interesting synopsis of a world someone created, it is not how high the mountains are that catches your attention, but the inter species connections, how they interact and how their viewpoints collide. When you see a photograph that really truly stands out and sticks with you, it isn’t just a pretty picture, but usually a key point in human history, maybe a show of comfort, happiness etc (does not always have to feature humans but in some way expresses the feelings similarly). The same way people don’t just read for pretty pictures, or flowery prose, it is the human elements that draw us in, without them a work is barren.
There are a lot of art purists out there, most who don’t know anything about creating, and frankly someone who says you should only create when you feel like it is stupid. If you only create when you want to you won’t improve, simple as. People who wait around to feel motivation are either mediocre or unbelievably talented/ already at a very high level and can afford to not practice. When it feels easy to draw, it is because of all the days you felt inadequate. (Funny thing is, if you feel like a piece isn’t good you are actively improving as you can see the flaws in your work as you’re working. Same thing with looking at old pieces and seeing flaws. If you can’t see flaws you’re not improving. I find it an encouraging thought. The real scary thing is not being able to see any flaws.) You ARE more than an artist, you have to be. The interesting things about your art isn’t how pretty it is it’s about what you’re saying. There’s a popular saying ‘write what you know’ because only the things you know will be authentically portrayed. It’s why the best horror is written by people who are always afraid like Lovecraft. Unless you’re writing a story strictly about art, you need other experiences to pull from. Ex. Miyazaki’s world building for his games is based around childhood reading. I don’t want to read about a bunch of random experiences, I want to read the little pieces of your soul you’ll inevitably leave in every piece you make.
It's really easy to get overwhelmed and be caught up in frustration, I've been there, doing art for almost 6 years and counting (at least thats how many years I took it seriously). We always wonder if what we're working towards is even there but I think there is, personally. Not that I don't think you enjoy art, I believe you do, but I hope you finally find that thing that you will go through tough times to paint, as if it's something precious that you'll never want to lose.
Hello, Frej. You can't imagine how much I could relate to everything you said in this video. I found your channel through your earlier tutorials, as that's what the RU-vid algorithm, unfortunately, loves. But, like you, I've been struggling with my art lately. Ironically, the more I learned and the better my skills became, the more soulless my art felt. I, too, am a seeker of meaning and beauty in this world. I hope you will continue making these wonderful videos, like this one, where you share (and overshare) your authentic self. I am also an artist and writer who loves fantasy, and I love Tolkien's work too. I have struggled for years to find the kind of content I want to share on my channel, beyond speed paintings and tutorials. Maybe it's okay to share my struggles instead of playing the pretense game?
i love ur yapping! Also, since you quoted Nietzsche and mentioned Berserk and Fire Punch, you could look into Nietsches "Übermensch" philosophy, which is often used for modern-day protagonists, if you haven’t already, that is. Mind that his philosophy was frequently critiziced for nihilistic viewpoints and also sadly for an excuse to do evil things, generally as in inspiration for your story (that btw sounds really cool). What do you plan to use as pure evil (the undead)? You talked about mythology and its often similar themes. It was actually used to tell moral concepts to citizens so they behaved better (not always) and show human aspects of the divine, basically to tell that all actions have consequences , for example with hercules that when you’re virtues, youll be rewarded. A lot of tales were reformed through a new regime, but still had the same essence, like greek and later roman mythology.I personally think mythology was created for social control and to kinda make sense of the absurd situation were in, its an interesting rabbit-hole to spend few hours with and its also hella freaky (if you know you know 🥲). Do you have a special camera you film with? The shots were cool. Also do you write? When I have an artblock it sometime helps when I switch mediums. You were talking about the differents things you want to do and doing art for the sake of art. The oneshot „Look Back“, also from Tatsuki Fujimoto, deals with the theme of why am I doing this so that may help. My definition of art is „an effort made to connect with people or oneself to tell a story/wisdom or convey a feeling, that mimics and with that becomes a part of realitiy“ and it seems like to me you already have built a little community with your art that you can look back (:D) to for motivation. english isnt my first language, sorry for the long text and if this comes off as weird, your video was just really interesting and inspiring. Keep up the good work!
I found your channel with the last video and I felt so moved by it. I sometimes randomly watch drawing tutorials more for relaxation reasons but you actually moved something so deeply in me I finished watching and picked up a pencil to start drawing again after barely doing it for years
I hardly ever relate this strongly to a video on the internet. I'm so happy the algorithm brought me to this channel. Thank you for your vulnerability and gentle (+introspective, adventurous, observant) spirit. We're in this together!
I love people whose work is shit trying to tell others what to do, such a lack of self awareness. You're doing great, keep it up it's always darkest before the dawn.
I thought of making art content too but not with clickbait tutorials but showing my development as an artist like you said and started to do since your last video. I think this type of video pretty enganging and cool. Keep up with the good work!
you make me real curious what your plans are. I wonder what kind of job youre working too. For almost 7 years ive been working on a graphic novel and I'm an intensive care nurser. What captures me about your videos is that they are not a product, but rather an insight into what is truly interesting to us: The unfiltered human struggle and prevail! God be with you bro!!
You are 21. you are very, very young and your technical skill is already high, it's true that it will be tougher to keep improving the finer details, but as long as you keep at it and get inspired by your favorite artists, I am sure you will reach a better place for yourself as an artist. Stay patient, keep at it and good things will come to you :) I am looking forward to witnessing the rest of your journey. (Oh, maybe you should try your hand at concept art! go ham with mixing references and iterating ideas through quick sketching, concept art is great at telling the story of characters by just looking at them, maybe you'll like it!)
I turned 21 lately , I sometimes felt like i wasted my last 3-4 years too, but currently I’m taking art seriously as a job and try to get my life together, sooooo what i wanted to say is I kinda resonate with your feelings. Even though we dont know each other, you got my full support brother, go fulfill your life
When you said that every tree, animal and plant are such perfect, beautiful specimen of their species I'd have to disagree, bc some if not all of those get sick/injured/does stupid stuff sometimes, yk? I think they're far from perfect. Yet still they all manage to be oh so beautful and I think humans are apart of that beauty(seeing as we get sick/injured/do stupid stuff alot of the times too), thats just imo tho lol
Overthinking extraordinare :) I have found the key is learning to be in your body. Daily Qigong is a good place to start. Our body holds so many secrets and information if we can learn to listen to it.
The thing I keep going back to in these two videos is... Are you ever going to do what you started out trying to do... Are you going to write the ending you wanted?
hello. thank you for the videos, i find them interesting and potentially useful. i can't help but notice you kind of oppose art and living, going outside, becoming a fighter and a father etc. i am no artist and no person who leads an especially exciting life, but it seems to me that getting some life experiences, interacting with people different from you with whom you wouldn't usually hang out, even doing some really basic unoriginal things and experiencing yourself what was described and depicted countless times - all of that really give you a new understanding of things and could enhance your art in a similar way to photo references being helpful when you start drawing portraits. i liked your video about your art journey because while featuring popular enough things i can relate to as a person trying to learn to draw, it tells about your personal experience, challenges you faced, mistakes you made, what keeps you going etc. i believe it's the same with storytelling: even a fantasy story deals with real relatable topics, although disguised or exaggerated with fictional setting or looks. you said you'd like to tell a story about lost ancestry because it is something you deal with in your life. you could integrate less major topics into your work as well: some side characters could reflect a struggle or peculiar views of a real person you met or some recurring topic could be inspired by someone else's life experience. also the more people you talk to, trying to understand them (especially if you disagree with them a lot - if you can, try asking questions, confirm if you got their answer right by rephrasing it and asking if that's accurate - until you understand what is their thought process), the more complicated and different characters you could make (while most likely still disagreeing with them) bc you'd understand where different views come from, and the fictional world you build will be less like a cardboard cutout and more like a real thing, even if you choose to create black and white morale like in lord of the rings. i hope i don't seem patronising, it just makes me sad to see you thinking you need to sacrifice living your life to be an artist. you've said yourself that your technique is good enough that when you improve it, your art doesn't get more interesting, and you'd like to create more meaningful art. maybe as many hours of practice per day as you had in 2022 isn't what you need to progress at this point of your path, and you could prioritise making time for getting life experience that is good for you on its own bc you want it, and could serve as a study of narrative of life or study on how people (you and others) work or gathering plot ideas. i am nearly your age (24) and i am ukrainian, so in 2022 i tried to join the army, which resulted in interacting and even living together with a lot of random people out of my social bubble - i admire some of them, to some i am indifferent and some are disgusting to me; and then i was trying to use any civilian volunteering opportunity i found, resulting in meeting people of somewhat similar worldview but different backgrounds, age, region of origin, profession etc - i couldn't have imagined on my own the variety i have witnessed and all the quirks, views and grudges people have. this experience changed my perception of a person in general (real human being or fictional character) and made me re-evaluate myself as well. the reason im writing about it here is you know better what's good for yourself, but if art is a way to portray and maybe amplify the beauty of the world, don't deny yourself experiencing it - especially since it seems you crave it. i can relate to your love of mythology as a thing based on cool stuff ancient people did - and while the world is changing and many things are not possible anymore, many other things that are important in the myths are still possible to experience today in essence or are a part of mainstream person life path (such as parenthood, friendship, finding your fate in the greater scheme of things, training to git gud etc). doing that routine stuff and being able to recognise your own experience and struggles in the ancient books you read makes me feel connection to the cultures and heroes i grew up loving and looking up to. even if something seems ordinary and plain, give it a try. sorry for a long comment and i hope it didn't seem arrogant bc it really isn't my intention, it just seems like you have a longing similar to mine and while i could be completely wrong i'd be happy if this makes you find a way to enjoy both your art and your life to the fullest sooner.
You should play Planescape Torment because it mirrors a lot of the stuff in your story, you could develop a lot of your ideas further if you play it I think. Great video , I'm basically in your spot a decade older with the roles reversed, I'm just starting as an artist and chose to focus on a career back when I was your age.
