Perhaps she orchestrated this video the way she did to demonstrate that you may not work with the most knowledgeable or helpful caseworker and to help point out the thought bubbles that were popping up that led to why she might ask those questions.
The social workers are sometimes handed case files for kids they’ve never had and are trying to read the file as they talk to the perspective foster parents. The system is flawed for sure. It’s sad all around.
As a former foster child, ty for recognizing that every move brings more and more trauma. That was retroactively cathartic. God bless you and your husband.
This woman is one of the most honest, caring people I have seen discuss the foster/adoption system. I feel a bit of relief knowing there are people like this out there, and that she has the capacity to also educate other potential foster parents with this channel. I can't begin to imagine the impact they have had on their community and the kids they have helped. So many outspoken foster parents focus on how good it makes them feel to help kids in need, or how difficult it is on them, that they fail to recognize that even a good foster home placement is traumatic. Which makes a lot of kids feel ungrateful, ashamed or confused when they're still sad and don't feel relieved. I hope you are doing well and I'm glad you have also found comfort in these videos. ❤
@@magnarcreed3801 Stability is in the most general sense good for early development. Of course, there are cases where it is totally justified to move environments (e.g., in cases of significant abuse).
@@magnarcreed3801 Especially for really young children, who instinctively know how helpless they are, stability equals safety. So constantly moving around, constantly being around new strange adults that you never have time to properly bond with, means the children never feel safe. That has severe effects, not just emotionally but also physiologically. Their bodies are stuck sending out constant alarm signals in the form of various hormones, pushing heart and respiration up, rerouting heat to and from different areas, speeding up or slowing down digestion, etc. All of that also has long-term effects on brain development. The brain literally changes to adapt to the lack of safety, and not in a good way. Wouldn’t surprise me if part of the reason the baby in the story is having trouble eating, and why the toddler still isn’t potty-trained, is because the constant stress is negatively affecting their digestion. Kind of hard to learn how to predict when you need the bathroom if your body is constantly changing its speed of digestion seemingly at random. Almost like a lactose-intolerant person’s “daisy surprised”: you can try your best to get to the bathroom in time, but sometimes you just can’t accurately tell how close that finally explosion really is.
I was a foster kid. I'm 37 now. My foster mum is my kids only nanny. She's the only person who's my "family" (not husbands) that gives my kids a Christmas present. She's the only person I get gifts for for Christmas. We talk all the time. I finally have my own home now against all odds. I hope we'll be in a position to add extra room/s to our house so I can give back. I've no idea how this showed up in my feed. But it's reinforced an important goal. It seemed impossible I'd be able to do this until recently. Wish me luck.
You've totally got this!! As a current mom and as a foster kid, I feel like you would have a special understanding and/or connection to the foster child because you understand exactly what it's like to BE a foster child. That would more than likely mean a lot to the children to not only have somebody who cares, but to have someone who truly understands where they're coming from since you've been there yourself. And CONGRATULATIONS on your kids, husband, house, and every single success you've had in life that you were told you wouldn't have, you did it!!
@ForTheLoveOfDavis thank you. I never even thought about the fact that a child would appreciate a foster parent having been in foster care, as obvious as it is. I knew I'd be a good nurse having been a patient. But when I think about foster kids I just think about my flaws and traumas and of I would fail them. I'm also late diagnosed Autistic woman. I think, no, I know, a lot of kids who get a lot of abuse are because they're not meeting neurotypical standards. If you don't have a language disorder, you're just a bad kid, who is not doing what you'll told. No one notices that you don't understand. The instruction. My Autistic kids are treated with respect and embraced for who they are and anxiety is not a part of their presentation.
As a licensing worker, she is doing a great job advocating for her own needs, asking questions, and the sad thing is not every family has this knowledge or understanding of the foster care system. I’m so glad I came across this video and seeing such a great example of foster parents potentially receiving placement.
She is just messing those kids up for life. Thats legal kid napping and its pathetic. “Parent visit 3 times a week still together” so kids are flat out being held captive. Thats why they are having eating issues and behaving poorly. Sick people think they are helping and its not okay. The 3 yr old will likely wet its self for years because of trauma from being held away from parents. You are a worse person for trying to prop up your sick friends.
@@dakine9445 false. Not kidnapping at all. Please look up the definition and laws surrounding kidnapping. The foster care system isn’t perfect, but so many people are trying to help these children and lessen their trauma.
@@dakine9445 I don’t want to be a jerk here but you are completely wrong and miseducated. Nothing you are saying is factual. Sounds like you have personal experience with the system and the system is flawed but there are plenty of parents who are having children who are not equipped to be parenting. It’s unfortunate but true.
@@dakine9445 I agree that placing a kid in foster care should be the last resort and other options should be considered first (providing assistance - financial, daycare, parenting classes, information - to the family, having an assigned social worker as a contact person who sees the child regularly, option for planned short-term placements so parents who can't cope else can catch up with needed duties, ...) If these things are well-implemented, parents aren't afraid of CPS and can get help before things get bad. Unfortunately there are situations where it isn't safe for children, they are abused or neglegted, so in some way or another it is decided that it is better for the child to (at least temporarily) be taken out of the family. And these children need a nice home too, which she gives them
@Dakine it is not kidnapping. There are def some kids who never would've been taken from their parents but there are also kids who definitely should. What about the child who is being whipped bloody by their mom? The child who is being left alone so their parent can go get high? My own niece was removed from my sister's care. I wanted to take her but she ended up with her dad. She's obviously not in foster care but she has completely changed for the better since being removed from my sister. Unfortunately the trauma she's endured has been at the hands of her mom, not CPS.
I know some social workers may ,some won't, be annoyed about the amount of questions. Being a social worker can be a very demanding job. However, it is very good to know what you're saying yes to. Saying yes and then not being able to do it because you don't know all the information is worse on the children if they then have to move to yet another home. I feel like you're advocating for the child when You find out as much information as you can before you agree. Your videos are very informative and it's great you're giving examples and help to people who need it or people who are considering fostering And you're doing it without exploiting any children.
I wouldn’t care if it did annoy then cause the children are the most important in that situation. If asking questions helps me help them then that’s what I would want to do. I understand they’re over worked though. My sister was a social worker and some of her coworkers were so burnt out they no longer looked out for the child’s best interest but for what would be less work for them. It really upset my sister. She would’ve happily answered as many questions as needed in order to give those kids the best home and care they could get.
@@bunnylacy2097That's genuinely sad those co-workers stopped caring. I understand burnout, but when it affects other people, especially those who are vulnerable, it is unacceptable. I'd say they should stop working, but I suppose that would perpetuate burnout and thus uncaringness, right? I don't know what the solution is, but I hope things can change. Real care should be given.
I don't understand why the foster parent has to even ask this level of questions instead of the information being voluntarily given upfront. It would save a lot of time and make the call far more efficient. Information is an essential component of a good placement not just an excuse for a long chatty call.
I see your perspective, but you may not see how hard it is for her as a parent. She has to rearrange her whole life (get time off from work, pick up a bassinet, diapers, formula, etc.) and give up nights of sleep to take care of these kids. I have 2 kids of my own, it is so hard. She had every right to say no if she couldn’t handle it.
I love your assertiveness and how you loop your husband in before giving an answer. Your questions and great and you deserve to have that information. Way to go!!
Yes! She is so assertive but still incredibly comforting and kind. ❤ She is everything that a foster parent should be. I am so grateful that she not only dedicates so much to helping kids, while having such a deep understanding of how they feel and what support they may need, but also has the capacity to share these videos with the world. I find myself watching these when I'm upset because she is such a calming presence.
All the feels, I love that you overlay your emotions, planning thoughts and I get the excitement and just how awesome is your husband for giving you that support- his ‘I think we should say yes’ is everything in this conversation
Wow I never really realized how complicated these situations could be and how much information the foster parents need to be keeping in mind. Thank you for sharing and enlightening me, even if just a bit.
Unfortunately many of these kids come from really fucked up situations due to no fault of their own. I usually can give a rip about adults we can figure shit out. But when it comes to kids especially the young ones my heart breaks. They have no clue whats going on.
Thank you, Laura, for empowering resource families. It can be stressful to get a call, with so many questions you'd love answered. Your channel has given me more confidence in asking pertinent questions. I just received a call today, and totally tried channeling your calm vibes as I ran down a short list of important questions relevant to the care of the child. So grateful for your guidance through this journey :)
@2faycedmasses All my placements have been via emergency calls. The conversations are brief and over in a flash since the agents don't always have much information regarding the children. It really helps to understand your own capabilities and your limitations as a caregiver so that the questions you ask are relevant to the needs of the child and what you can offer. I.e., "Does said child have siblings? How many different parties do we anticipate might need visitation? (Mom, dad, step-dad, etc.) How far from my home does their family live? Fortunately, I have flexibility in my schedule that allows me to drive to different locations to meet different adults who want access to their child, but not everyone might be able in a position to do so. It's important to consider these things so the children have security and consistency, in your part, to family visits and so that you too aren't placed in a stressful situation because you find it hard to manage multiple visits or long drives. -Hope this helps.
As a former foster child, I really love that you're committed to staying informed and trying your best to accommodate as well as possible, keeping the kids' well being in mind first and foremost. ❤️
I had a foster child for 6 months...he was 13 and very difficult. Love and kindness makes a huge difference. Not all caregivers...care. Most just want the money and neglect the child.
I worked for a youth services agency that had an adolescent shelter and this is very true. Many foster parents are only in it for the money. It’s heartbreaking.
I was a foster parent for many years. Our agency lied to us SO many times when they placed children with us. Not the kids’ fault, but agencies make money on placing kids. If they can’t get a placement in THEIR agency, they move on to the next agency to place with a family licensed with them.
This is why it's so wrong for private companies, whose goals are profits for shareholders, to have any kind of a stake in the welfare of extremely vulnerable children. It's just so terribly wrong. I am so thankful, however, for people like you!
@@JaneAustenAteMyCat Yes I totally agree. The system is so broken. And I got to know some other fabulous foster parents too. There’s many good ones. Sadly, the news only wants to report on the bad ones.
@@BlueHeron654This happened to some friends. Informed on some things, lots left out, possibly straight up lied to about some. A week of hell when they'd hoped this would be their child forever. Only good thing is the disruption hit some kind of limit on total disruptions that (afaik) got the kid into a situation with the kind of intensive help needed.
Dang, sounds like you could pick up some amazing foster parents by being the agency that doesn't so that. Have to treat families better when they have a choice to work with you or a company that does it better
Everyday I watch these and everyday my heart says I should try once. Of course right now with my work schedule and my own family their is no way I could give them the full support they need and require but once everything settles and I'm comfortable in my own parenthood I know I will take this step.
Laura has a video somewhere that talks about other kinds of foster care, such as respite care. You might look into whether that would be an option for you.
Thank you for showing these. It's so important. Comment for your algorithm overlords. I wanted so much to adopt older sibling sets (my bio sis, self and baby brother, we were all placed separately and haven't seen each in over 20yrs) but was gifted a DD child of my own with medical needs so I would not be able to properly foster. My step sis and her hubby are fostering and I'm so very proud of them (currently have a twin set) and...this is so important. Grateful for people like you two and my sis being saving graces for the ones who deserve it the most -the children who didn't pick the situation the adults made for them. Thank you
As a foster mum who also works for child social services I have to admit we at times really do not have much information. We really do give out all we have but some families have been under the radar and services meet them for the very first time when the children needed to be removed. When this happens it really is not to hide problems from the foster family.
It can feel frustrating when there isn't a lot of information and we are always taking a chance when "behavior" challenges are noted. But in our experience it's been noted in some previous families because of lack of patience, experience in that age, or current family dynamics. My heart always races when I get the intake call and say yes. We are currently looking at a foster to adopt situation. The 2 brothers are with us now for a 2nd time. ❤️ This will be our first PC case.
It is always exciting to get the call. I've never said no but I have had to rehome twice. It is heart breaking. Where I live a foster child is moved every two years on average. That is a lot of trauma. I have taken in babies and toddlers from other foster homes. People think taking babies and toddlers is easier because they won't have as much trauma. Not true.
Babies and toddlers are demanding no matter what they've been through. It is true that if you adopt a child who is under a year when placed in your care, they aren't at higher risk of mental health issues than a non-adopted kid, but they're still going to be a baby who probably comes to you with temporary but challenging issues. And kids aged 1-3 years are the most sensitive they'll ever be to traumatic experiences, so a kid in that age range could easily come to you already affected by serious lifelong trauma issues. In fact, merely changing caregivers is itself traumatic. Older kids might be *less* traumatized than a toddler if their home environment was good when they were aged 1-3 and problems only emerged later.
And even if they have less trauma, "less trauma" isn't "no trauma" - plus at that age, even a child has always been in a normal and healthy situation has very little ability to self-regulate and they often don't have the words (or verbal skills!) to communicate their feelings and/or needs
My husband and I are hoping to one day foster. Your channel is showing me a lot of what to expect, and what it takes to be a good foster so I will be able to judge when we are able to start correctly. Thank you.
my partner and I are currently doing the courses to hopefully become emergency foster carers - in my country, when a child is removed during an emergency, they often go to an emergency foster placement immediately, while the services still figure out if the child will be returned or go to long-term foster placement, so the emergency placement is often just for a night or two and never over a year. When you sign up to foster, you have to decide what type of placement you want to be, and more people look for permanent placement even though it's clear that even if you sign up for permanent placement the child could still be placed back with family, but with emergency placement you never keep a child permanently, you're just the home that takes care of them immediately after removal and before it is decided what should happen next. Most often it's cases where there's such an immanent danger at home that police comes in and immediately takes the child before investigating further. You have to be 28 to start fostering and shouldn't have young children of your own. Friends of mine went through all the education process of becoming eligible for fostering and then were assigned twin toddlers, they started the process of getting to know the kids and came as far as doing overnight visits and knew the kids for weeks when she unexpectedly fell pregnant (were told they were infertile) they were instantly dropped as foster parents and told they weren't eligible anymore, and the kids, who had already gotten to know them very well, weren't allowed to see them anymore. They would have wanted to still take in the kids because they didn't foster as a substitute for their own baby, but I understand why it's not allowed.
Thank you so so much for sharing an example of a typical call. I appreciate how you’ve taught us what questions to ask and what to infer from them. Or how a typical social worker sounds. I think ideally, as a total outsider, I’d hope for my hand to held a bit more in entering this process, but objectively I understand the system is so exhausted that’s really not how things work. It’s good to see a dose of reality from someone with experience. I’m trying to learn more about foster care as that’s something I want to consider as my children get older. If I’m developing these mom skills, as a SAHM now, maybe that’s something I can use to give a kid a safe place to land for awhile. I just don’t know if I have the temperament or if I’m a good fit for serving foster kids in that way. Watching your videos will help me make that decision as the time in life approaches where I could do something like that.
As a former foster parent, this brings back so many memories. My heart started racing just remembering the feeling of when we would get a call. Thank you for putting this out there, because new FPs may not know which questions to ask, and so it ends up not being a good placement and more trauma for the child/ren.
Thanks a lot for this! I loved the captions to all the questions you asked. I'm a long term foster parent and a single Mum so I only got 3 of these calls in total - for the first one, my captions would have just been all over the place with lots of !!! and ??? The second one, almost 4 years later, I knew what questions to ask and in the end I had to say no. Because I couldn't face another legal battle and the possibility of the child being taken abroad by a non fit relative to never be seen again, while raising another child who is already traumatized by losing a sibling.. but I still think about this child all the time. I'm afraid that in the end the Romanian grandmother didn't take him and he's now in a group home... I'll never know. The third time I said yes and even got to look at the file briefly but missed all the code for developmental delays. But this is how it played out and this is how it's supposed to be. I get to raise two wonderful boys and we love the ride 🙂
Although at the beginning of this, the caption said this was a non-emergency call, it wasn't quite as clear to me that wasn't a typo. The worker mentioned it needing to place them _tonight_ , but maybe that's not so much an emergency call as when kids have to be placed with you and it's already known it will probably just be a few days or something.
I must be missing the part about the system failing. There are crappy foster parents as well as "system" employees, social workers attorneys, clerical support and management. with many hoops to jump through with the courts. They work for almost nothing, donate their own after hours time, use their own money for the kids, to feed them and make them comfortable while waiting for a home to place with. There are many moving parts and we are all doing the best that we can.
As someone who grew up in foster care from 1989-2002, FUQ cps, not saying my mother was the best which she was not, but every foster home i was in was very overly abusive, all forms from physical to sexual all at the hands of the foster mothers, but yet nothing ever got done excpet moved to a different foster home months later just to face the same abuse or placed into psychwards because the state of Cali and Texas deemed me "too uncontrollable" for foster care, but yet i was the one to get blamed for the abuse from foster mothers, make that make sence.
It's funny how we'll be told, " I don't have much information..." But have the answer to 20 follow up questions. It's funny for someone who told me they have zero information you sure can answer a lot of my questions 😂 btw not hating I know it can be a stressful time where urgency is of the essence.
Also wanted to say a baby seperated from their breastfeeding mama- of course they’re going to have trouble sleeping and eating, no shade on anyone as I don’t have the background but I just feel for all involved parents, childer and foster parents - so tough
I'm too young to foster right now, but when I do start fostering kids I'll probably refer back to your videos. Your videos have taught me so much, and I'm glad that you put so much into your videos.
You make me want to be a foster parent and I would totally do it if I was a SAHM. I’m know some people work and do Foster but I have my own two kiddos.
@@greenbeantm1096 That might depend on experience in the age of their children. And how bad the behaviors Of the Foster kids are. Where I live there is a high concentration of Of people who are very unstable, From violently mentally unstable, to substance abuse, Severe mental illness. A lot of the parents Are seriously damaged people. UnFortunately a lot of the children , Have severe behavioral issues because of this. Levels of sociopath, psychopath Behaviors. My landlord's grandchildren 3 of them ages 6 to 9, Set themselves on fire. Is threatened to kill people, Enthusiastically talk about guns shooting weapons. They find enjoyment and causing pain and others. They lie, And have no respect for any boundaries. I feel for these children and I try helping in listening their situations as best I could. But there's no way in h*** that I would take them in as a Foster care. I would the Middle kid. He has developmental Disabilities, Particularly as hearing and didn't get the attention he needed for communication purposes. I started trying to teach him a little sign language. And he does good if you can remain calm and help him through his emotions. He's different than his Brothers. He shows actual emotion, This and hurt when he realizes his cause someone else pain sometimes. The other 2 kids don't have that they're very manipulating. And the only show signs of caring when it had affects them. The youngest one may have schizophrenia. having him on behavioral meds since he was really little. Like 3 or 4 years old. They would do OK for short amounts of time playing with my kids under my supervision. I constantly had To intervene for my children's safety And The other kids safety as well. I also had to correct their behavior they were not allowed to play with us if they weren't going to behave properly. But behave properly I mean Not boss my children around or force themselves on to my children, not use adult language. They are so attention starved and demanding, That they would way my blonding with my children. I couldn't get anything done outside around my house because they wouldn't leave me alone. We felt trapped in our own house does every time we'd go outside they'd be there. And wouldn't respect our boundaries. It's Exhausting. I'm only their grandmother's tenant. I was the only adult supervising those kids while outside. It was the only way my kids could be outside safely. So I couldn't get anything done. I couldn't send my kids outside while I finished up dishes or had a moment of peace. Anything I tried to do outside I had to stop every few moments in order to handle issues with the kids. I'm doctor ordered to have to take naps I have narcleopsy. My kids understand and they let me rest. But the neighbor kids would keep knocking on my door when I try to rest. I'd tell them we wouldn't be coming out till later, but they'd keep on knocking on my door and not letting me rest. I tried to help and I think I left positive influence. There are a lot of kids in my neighborhood like my Landlord's grand kids it's very sad. The schools are very overwhelmed. I wouldn't take children like neighbors Into my home while I still have my Children are still young. I'm not willing to sacrifice Ithere possible well being or childhood. I'm not going to bring children into My home Who will hurt my children. My own children deserve to feel safe In their own home. I am not sure how it works with Foster care. But those are things that I would consider before accepting anyone into my home. I witnessed a lot of good people Have their lives beturned upside down and ruined because of Broken people. False accusations, That led to jail time, And destroying families, Because A child lied About being abused. Not that the child wasn't abused before in the past but saying that this specific person abused them was Lie. The person was trying to enforce boundaries kid Didn't like it. I saw this with my neighbor kids too. They told their social worker that I Walked up to them and Watch them pee. When I was outside doing yard work, Six-year-old ran up to me, To my backyard, Stop me from working. As soon as I turned around to look at him, He dropped his pants and started peeing. Seeing as I had a three-year-old who was going through potty training I thought this was something similar being as he was 6. But it was so weird the way he did it. I just turned around and told him that it is private matters and he needs to go in the house to use the bathroom or go behind a tree where no one can see him. The anything that involves your privates is private matters Et cetera. Also told them that you don't show other people your privates. I then told his grandmother What happened in what I said to him. She Yelled at him, Jane should rip his peepy off if he did it again. I was shocked. I intervene and said no that's not necessary. He's a little you just need to be reminded to use the bathroom and about private matters. privacy And boundaries. I'm then told that The boy then lied to his social worker, Telling her What I mentioned earlier. They also told her that I let my daughter run around naked all the time. I Don't, But I had a three-year-old like putting underwear on head and escaping outside when I'm trying to go to the bathroom . 😑 I didn't Let her run around I was trying to get her back in the house. Thankfully, The boy did admit that he was lying shortly after. But seriously why? Probably because of stuff like that, I just wouldn't feel safe fostering children with severe behavioral issues while also raising my own children.
@@wimsylogic65 yea there’s different levels of care in foster care. Those kids would be in a high level (different places call the level different things) so you can specify and money be trained for lower level care kids
Great questions! I would ask more about the visits though. Where they are located, and for how long, especially since they are 3x per week. That can be a lot to commit to if it’s far away. If you work full time and need to set up daycare it can be helpful to tell them you need that within x# of days (make that part of the condition for placement). I had to wait 3 weeks for that with one placement. The next time it was done within 3 days. I couldn’t take off from work anymore so I let them know in advance and they were much more proactive.
Sad for everyone. Why can't parents be caring. These poor kids. The foster Mom seems very wise to ask those questions. Bless all of them as the future could be very rocky.
Sometimes they try but they were brought up in not the best environment and doing the best they know -- or they have a loss of job and there is not much income....and some have health issues...It is not that they are not 'caring' (yes, there are others that are not caring) just trying their best.
My self and my husband are in the process to foster. We have a biological son who is disabled and we know we havea lot of hard work ahead of us. Thank you for these insiteful videos. They help me get an idea of questions to ask
I have wanted to be a foster parent, but I suffer from OCD and depression as well as diabetes, ulcerative colitis, asthma, and a heart condition. We also have 4 kids of our own. Watching your videos have shown me what I need to do to prepare and expect to give.
Thank you for doing this video! This helps me understand what to expect or how to make a more accurate decision when being asked to foster children that need placed suddenly and unexpectedly. I appreciate you so much for this! 💝🥰🙌✝️🎉 God bless you in all you do!!!
I'm not a foster parent and won't be because I get attached so easily, but would love to know when you put an the things to get on the screen of you get reimbursed? In my town I don't know if anyone would have a crib or bassinet in stock, but if so it would be a few hundred, if I could order from Amazon etc I could obviously get a better price, a box of pull ups is around 30 dollars, a case of diapers is around 40, formula is about 30 a can and if the baby doesn't tolerate it well the better ones can be double the price. Plus about 15 dollars per for each outfit for a baby. It adds up so fast! Oooh and we can't forget the toddler may have food aversions or texture issues etc and will need plenty of healthy snacks. Usually as a parent we get 9 plus months to get the basics and that's expensive! I can't imagine having to do it all in a few hours! Especially if you need to pay upfront or the total costs. It's definitely a special calling to do this and I really respect all the foster parents who strive to give these kids a good life! 🙏
I have discovered over the years that there is no shortage of used baby supplies. Used cribs and changing tables are a dime a dozen. As are used clothes and bottles. It is diapers, wipes, and formula that really cost. In this specific situation, the biomom breastfeeding at least 3x a week helps with that. Even better if biomom pumps to give foster, though Idk if that is realistic. or not.
@@amyjordan195 even though the pumping for the baby seems like a good idea, breast milk is still considered a bio hazard, illnesses can be transmitted through breast milk (to the foster family) so I don’t think that is allowed.
@@juliewright1895 I looked it up result after result said it is not considered a biohazard and has no extra special storage or handling requirements as a biohazard.
I really, really wish we could be foster parents (*after* our house situation is sorted out though, we had major damage from Hurricane Ian and are still displaced), but my husband's not on board with it at all. I just want to help so bad 😞
When (if) I ever get a stable career and get my mental health issues in check I would like to become a foster parent, especially for older kids and teens. I have no interest in having biological children, but I want to fill that urge somehow I guess.
We are all called to do different things. And yes, those without biological children are blessed to be able to help children in other ways - like foster, Big Brother/Sister, mentors etc!
There are a lot of people who say that foster parents are terrible for taking money to take care of children. This is sometimes based on (unfortunately sometimes true) stories that come out about foster parents that treat foster children poorly and only do it for the money. I've known some foster children that told me about homes where they were regularly treated worse than bio children in a variety of ways, for example. Being a foster parent that cares is absolutely amazing. It's a hard job. But not all foster homes are equal - not everyone gets in it for the right reasons. As for the people that dislike foster parents, though, sometimes they really are just judgey about the money part (its not always based on anything else), which I consider to be ridiculous - fostering is a hard and emotionally painful job that requires money to do!
@@laartje24 I also have spoken to people who believe the whole child welfare system is so poorly designed and poorly run that it ends up stealing children from their families, causing a lot of new trauma to both, and doing more harm than good. There's also a lot of history tied into that view, e.g. here in Canada many people haven't recovered from the harm done in previous generations by some particularly bad or often deliberately racist policies, and many now deeply distrust the whole system. So if someone thinks the foster care system does more harm than good then they may blame foster parents for being part of it.
Not a foster parent but was a manager of a boys group home for years. That’s exactly how those calls happen, usually you don’t get so much information lol
I wish my biological mother would have given only half as much thought about me and my siblings as you do right here. So this is like a... reverse trigger. If this makes sence? Anyone else know this? Seing something you wish you could have had and remembering all the trauma you've been through? I am ok now. I started my healing with cutting off contact to my mother, cos she told me I have nor reason or right to see a therapist 👍 I am not done healing. Right now I am not doing so good, but when I see something like this...I always wonder: Why couldn't anyone get us out of there...
One day at a time ! We can't change our past, but we can continue going forward. What we can do , is try to break the cycle --whether it is how we raise our children or an activity that was multigenerational (drinking / smoking/ laziness,etc) You can do it! Don't look back - we are not going in that direction! We are going forward !!!!
Two months is not long enough to get the basics down? You must be kidding. Why not? A questionnaire could be completed with the requisite information. I realize some situations might be more serious than others which could easily be recorded on a standard document, I would think. God bless this couple. I've been waiting to hear from her husband. Good man🙏
I have to ask. Are all social workers really this cut and dried and minimalist? In your videos it seems like for whatever reason getting basic information out of them feels like pulling teeth. For example, in this video, if they want a successful placement they should be disclosing that sleep is a significant issue but it's likely not a long term placement. Without having to have every last possible piece of information drawn out. Please tell me it's not always this dry and minimalist.
From what ive learned in my major for human services about social workers a lot of them have case loads of upwards to 50 at times and there’s not a lot of people going into the field or who have the passion for it so in the end the reoccurring problem is burnt out social workers, large case loads which is no good for the clients especially little ones, it breaks my heart
They've been in the system for two months and I have not finished the background check on the family member of state.. ridiculous unless of course it's the fam not complying. Also he's three and not an early intervention? I just don't understand how in the world these babies are supposed to have a chance when they're in the system they have anything more referrals than the average child would have because when you work in the system you work with other agencies very closely such as early intervention child care the ability to expedite background checks especially in today's day and age etc. It's just very frustrating. And the the fact that they don't allow you to speak to the foster parent out of fear that you will then say no is ridiculous because obviously and you're thinking you're just trying to gather the essential information like oh I need Pull-Ups and this child has food adversities so I'm going to have to get an array of different things and see what the baby likes although with mother breastfeeding this would be a nightmare doubled up my biggest fear is a child with food adversities just because it's so incredibly difficult and takes a whole lot of patience because it's absolutely heartbreaking and a necessity you need to eat but you cannot in any way get anxious because it only escalate the issue obviously. I absolutely love this channel I say that every time I comment and that they should clone you LOL but keep up the good work you're killing it and not exploiting children to do what you do and giving out extremely helpful advice and a different perspective to the foster care system not always putting down the case workers just putting out the facts. Do you need to remember that the laws are different in every state and I try to think of that every time I watch your videos because I don't know what state you live in and I know that those are different in New Jersey I can remember how long it took for just a supervisor to be cleared w an ex of mine and his ex was literally making it impossible calling telling them any and every bad thing that they had ever done from 4 years old up. Which I could completely understand if she was a concerned parent but she wasn't she was a jealous parent that had nothing to do with their child she just didn't want the father way better than she was and that was inevitable. She could have gotten her stuff together as he did but chose not to sadly and she's no longer here to be a part of this amazing child's life. I'm an ex and I still am not how amazing he is. I just don't get it but I know it's not all rainbows and and dealing with the system making becoming incredibly frustrating it especially for people with mental health and addiction issues to get a case of the efforts... But there are protocols for a reason I just hate when those protocols are more to cover the states but then help the children
The negative experiences that family of mine had with a local foster care agency have put me off ever foster parenting. Outright lies about functional levels, school attendance possibility, medical issues, etc etc. My heart goes out to these kids and to the foster parents and social workers trying to do right for them, unfortunately after what I saw I don't think I could handle it. Making a choice to accept all the aforementioned issues, knowing support and services would be in place would have been different, but straight up lies, and more, also confirmed by another foster family.
I wonder how you handle the conflict of a social worker being difficult about your questions and somewhat forcing you to roll the dice. It would be a shame not to take kids because their social worker was difficult to deal with, but have you had to do it? How do you get around difficult SWs?
I hate that you have to ask all these questions and that the social worker doesn't automatically tell you this. People at the animal shelter care more about even a dog's future home than this example social worker did.
The foster parent usually gets a stipend to cover some of the expenses..... for other things, they may have a 'clothing' or other needs swap with other parents... or they are good at bargain shopping / yard sale shopping and think ahead and store up for future. that is why in many cases, it is a requirement that you are financially stable (and yes, I know that some do use it as a money maker)
@@theangriestoftabbies you don’t understand. Shared parenting is a requirement at least in my state. It is the concept of foster parents and bio parents working together toward the best interest of the children. A partnership. It is quite beneficial for the children to see the adults in their life working together.
@@JustLoveOneAnother I understand that but you’re presupposing that someone with problems severe enough to warrant the state taking custody of the kids is able to be “good enough” to have a meaningful effect on the kids. I would remove the qualifier of “good” and focus on the requirement which is “shared parenting.”
@@theangriestoftabbies my reference to “ good “ is perhaps described as the best way to achieve shared parenting. And not all parents who have their children removed are bad people. I have been a social worker for nearly 40 years. I’ve seen lots of tragic situations in that time. To say they aren’t good is to over simplify the human condition and circumstances.
@@theangriestoftabbies Just Imagine one parent falling severely or terminally ill, the other one taking care of them or working out of town (eg in sales travelling or transportation) an no family available to take care for very young kids… And in an instance, you have the case of an emergency placement that may well last longer than expected w/o including bad parents at all.
@@sarahfaith6531 that's because it's no in place to help.they move the kids so they don't bond.im sure there are good people but those that run the system like to destroy humans.look up how many go missing in foster care system.it used for sex trafficking.
Yeah, I have heard of placements like that a handful of times ever - e.g. a young mother who was having trouble parenting due to her own history of childhood abuse and trauma, sent _together_ with her baby to a therapeutic foster home. It seems odd that that doesn't happen more often.
Sometimes that might be an appropriate - if wildly expensive - option, but lack of knowledge about how to care for the kids isn't always the main problem. There may be violence in the home, or drug use, or sexual abuse. The parents may be unable or unwilling to change their parenting. The parents may have physical or mental health problems that make them unable to care for their children.
Can I ask if the SW are so passive in real life or is it just for the video? If seems like you have to pry information from them and they make it as obscure as possible. I understand maybe not being able ti disclose certain info for privacy/legal reasons, but if I was a foster I would expect them to want to make it as easy as possible and give them ALL the tools to facilitate everybody.
sadly , in some places with the number of children and the few SW's they are overworked and some information ,depending on why the child(ren) was removed, would be hard to obtain
How are social workers not more informative or find out more information when they can about children? At least if you have more of a clue what youre about to take on, its less stressful than not knowing. If you cant cope then the kids have to go through another placement. Be fair on everyone perhaps.
