FAKE FRIENDS EPISODE ONE: intro to parasocial relationships 

I noticed that I have a problem with parasocial relationships. Having few friends, being busy with a job and college and having poor social skills really make me the perfect candidate for this type of “relationship”. It effects my expectations and interactions with other people and thus perpetuates itself when my expectations aren’t fulfilled. It’s a cycle I’m trying to break. Thanks for further cementing the danger of it in my mind.

This is kind of a scary issue. I love movies more than most things, but often decide against watching one, because it's a lonely activity. I never felt that way about content on youtube, but probably should. I think many lonely people unintenionally use that content to make up for a lack of social relationships. Thank you for drawing attention to this phenomenon, I'm look forward to the next part. This topic should be part of school education.

One time I started watching a beauty vloggers video, because I was actually trying to learn how to do eyeliner properly, and within the first 60 seconds she called the audience her best friends, positioned herself as their cool supportive grandmother (she couldn't have been more than 30), told them that she loved them, asked them to like, share, subscribe, buy her merch and donate to her patreon. It was a masterclass in parasocial relationship building and exploiting in one go. It was honestly sickening to watch as it was clear her intended audience was lonely teen girls

I love Bo Burnham's work especially because of this. I've literally heard youtubers advise others getting into RU-vid to create such relationships. People aren't capable of being critical of these large personalities because they think they're their friends, but no one has hundreds of friends, let alone thousands or millions. Influencers are actively aware of it and feel entirely comfortable feeding into because they know thousands of people believing you're their best friend/significant other means thousands of people will follow you in any of your bloated ventures, no matter how lackluster the project is.

This series started my interest in parasocial relationships. I've now read a multitude of academic papers and am doing a study on the best way to teach students about them to would make a difference in online behavior. I wanted to write this comment just because I know sometimes seeing the effects of your work can be satisfying and I wanted to thank you for giving me this base knowledge.

This video grows more relevant day by day. It's crazy how this is the life for most of us now.

Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Strucci. You're a REAL FRIEND, and YOU KNOW ME SO WELL! Srsly tho, I feel like we're seeing only the beginning of the problems this is going to bring. RU-vid (and other social media platform to a lesser degree) is basically geared towards the commodification of fake friendships, and it's not getting any smaller.

Well done video. It's great and also shocking to find out about a phenomenon that is so very known to oneself from own experience. I think especially people who are having a hard time finding friends or have to spend a lot of time at home for whatever reason are the victims of para-social relationships. Since the late 90s and early 00s, tv shows became better and better. It's an easy way to spend time with "cool" people living "dramatic" lives, and getting to know them on a much more perseonal level than you normally know the people from your normal life. And without being able to talk to them. If you're lonely, you switch on your favorite show and that can be a lot easier to do than to connect to real life people, who could be mean to you, ignore you or disagree with your opinions. I think in the end all this comes down to manipulation. It's done with good looking people in TV, movies, bands etc. all the time. But we don't know the real persona behind their media character. They are so good at hiding it, playing it cool for the cameras, because it's their job. I myself can pretend to a certain degree that I'm different than I am, because I'm showing different sides of my person to different people in different situations or depending on my mood. It's called TV "program" for a reason. Because TV is programming the audience. I myself would be tempted to call a star I have watched on TV for hours by his first name. Even though we haven't met before. The problem is: Yeah, stars are usually more talented than the average joe, but they are still human beings with flaws. But we don't see them. The fantasy character is usually scripted and therefore a kind of superhuman being. And the person playing that character is a usually a media pro, so he is funnier, cooler, nicer, better dressed etc. than anyone of us. And behind these masks is the real persona, but we rarely get to know them. What I see as a huge problem: We ignore so many character faults of our favourite characters. If they were real people, we wouldn't spend any time with many of them. Also we are fed with their morals and immorals, which are in the end coming from the show writers and the people who are financing the shows. Actually it's sad that it is easier (and relatively normal) to spend time with watching your favourite shows than with real people.

I mentioned this on another channel that I think brought me to this video, but Leonard Nimoy's books I am Not Spock and I am Spock deal with his relationship with the character he played and the fans reactions to him not actually being a Vulcan and the weird pressure that put on him. An interesting look at the start of more current fandom-based parasocial relationships.

This is really cool. Someone mentioned that there's a somewhat similar relationship of a teacher to his class - in that the class knows the teacher very well after a while, but the relationship is very one-sided (especially in something like a university setting). It's not quite the same because the level of separation is somewhat smaller, though, and the setting itself means you're there for a reason (being taught or teaching), not for relaxation.

This is very interesting. As a streamer who's just starting out on Twitch, I'm coming up to 90 followers soon, and I'm already seeing signs of these para-social tendencies from viewers. People insist I call them by their first names rather than their names in chat, and I've had a couple people ask why I won't play games with them on stream. The bottom line is, I don't know them. The crowd I play with on stream are friends of mine in real life, and very rarely do we pick people up in our group and bring them along. I didn't realize that there was a term for this behavior or all this study about it either.

I loved the irony and surprise of seeing the video of my good friend yelling "IT'S PIKACHU!" in a video about para-social relationships

As someone who has always had a problem with living through other people's problems and lives other than my own, and only a year or two ago grew out of a parasocial mindset... people should really differentiate between fantasy and reality, and also, I'm subbing

11:35 it’s like the TV in Farenheit 451, where the wife cares more about the relationships in her interactive drama than the outside world

It's not called Social Media for nothing. Someone pretending to be your friend to sell you something is as old as dirt, but if someone you believe to be a peer endorses something, what then? I look forward to the rest of your series, old documentaries like Manufacturing Consent and John Berger's Ways of Seeing really opened my eyes to the way media influences us, and the internet and Social Media need a similar analysis.

Goes to show that people live through other's lives on the internet more than their own reality. I've always thought this has something to do with survival instincts for humans, primarily to avoid pain. We see it now more than ever. People reject reality all the time, and frequently engage in a famous idol's narrative to cope. It's more cultural from my perspective. Following others whether close or far from what they personally do is simply easier for folks. When people get hit with reality, it often doesn't go so well and a change in personal life philosophy is often required. It is similar to escapism but this goes the extra mile of becoming attached to a distant fake friend where the bond is only 1 sided. They don't care about you as much as you care about them. And, the problem is, people now prefer to not make real friends because they are more selective on who they want to hear talk and can relate more to the conversations they are looking for. Even if the celebrity doesn't know that the individual fan exist. More of a grouped collective into a number that is viewed as support for the famous people to make a living.

I've made this point when it happened-and I don't think people got it or they maybe they ignored it-but I think the recent backlash to ContraPoint mostly exploded because of the parasocial relationship between her and her fans. Regardless of the merits (or not) of the various criticisms, speaking generally! I think once someone has a large fandom and cultivated fan identity around themselves chances are some controversy will come up and lead to a strong parasocial reaction and backlash. Something will happen where people will feel "betrayed" and say "your not living up to who you are", etc. That's just been my experience in various online communities and fandoms over the years. And that's not an endorsement of every reaction she got or saying that all the criticism was invalid and can be reduce to a fandom flip out. I'm just conjecturing about the likely psychology fueling some situations like the Contra one.

I tend to abuse parasocial relationships too much in favor of real ones and a lot of this was more or less what I already knew, but I think a big eye opener was how they can make you hate yourself. I tend to idolize a lot of people that come off very genuine but even then I am 100% exclusively seeing these people in scenarios where they're aware they're putting on a show for tons of people, that tends to make them want to bring out the best of certain aspects of themselves and "play it up". I've definitely been frustrated with myself on several accounts thinking how much lesser I am as a personality to my idols/favorite content creators.

The most fascinating parasocial relationship I think is Eminem, bc of how unintentionally is came about. Part of his appeal is how much he has divulged of himself to his fans. I don't think his intent was to manipulate, but that's just the kind if guy he is. He needs to be open and express his feelings. But bc of that so many people feel like they know him as a person, and that has definitely highly attributed to his success.

Your channel is criminally underrated!

It's weird to me how attached some people get to streamers sometimes. Some of these people genuinely think that their favorite streamer is their friend. I'm not against internet friendships. But to most streamers, even if you're a regular in their chat who talks a lot and donates and shit, you're still just one rando in chat in a sea of hundreds of randos in chat.

God, this was so insightful it actually spooked me. I now understand some destructive habits I’ve been forming over the years. Thanks so much for this video!

this is me with kpop now 😔 all my life i've been into popular artists. back in 2013 i created a twitter account for one direction and since then i've been in multiple fandoms and it was fun but i somehow regret getting into social media so young, especially twitter which was always a toxic platform and i remember spending so much time there and even now i'm still attached to it. now that i'm older i feel like i should stop this and focus in what is real and what it's around me yet it's hard because knowing what these idols are doing and commenting about them somehow makes me feel part of something even tho in reality i'm not part of anything real, it makes me feel a little bit lonely too.

This is a creepy topic to think about. Definitely important, though.

You know what's weird? It seems that comedy musicians are one of the handful of people who talk about this subject. Maybe that has something to do with the teen idol thing that the music industry likes to revel in.

I watched this video before i got into kpop and since COVID i have been stuck inside mostly and can't really hang out with my friends like i used to so i started to find joy in ppl i don't know. Today out of nowhere i remembered this and thank god it is time to step back from kpop.

“Don’t meet your heroes they’re all fuckin weirdos”

Funny how I'm watching this video while grinding out affection hearts for an anime girl in a mobile game I play because it's her birthday.

This is fascinating, I think this should be mandatory viewing for artists, creators and fans alike.

I know this is three years old, but THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!! It’s quite funny, Bo Burnham is the figure that introduced me to this topic and I’ve been implored by friends to learn more about it over the past few years but I’ve been struggling to find anything new. This is 3 years old, but I’m glad I found this. Have a lovely day :)

I find it interesting how Roosterteeth uses set design to foster intimacy in its podcasts. Always Open is supposed to look like a Cafe and has its own waiter serving drinks. Off Topic, filmed in the very same space, has a set designed as a bar and starts each episode by dropping you into the middle of a conversation until the viewer is greeted and brought up to speed much like they would with a real person

This is always important to remember when consuming media. Even though, I occasionally get drum lessons from one of my idols, I consciously remind myself that it is strictly professional.

Thanks for the video I feel like we've really gotten to know each other over the past 20 minutes.

I would argue that even if you have met someone you don't really know them. You only know one side of a person.

Thank you so much for making this video. I had suspected that I fell for something similar about 1 1/2 years ago, but couldn't be sure. Now, thanks to you, I know I was being para socially target marketed. More people need to be enlightened about this.

"...any powerful emotional effect minus rigorous examination and reflection can lead to manipulation and exploitation." Well said.

i love how bo burnham radicalized all of us.... his mind.... powerful

I experienced a disillusioning "don't meet your heroes" moment when I was really young. (I don't remember what my exact age was, but less than 10.) Ever since then, I've always been trying to stay critical of this kind of scenario, making sure to be aware of the fact that TV hosts (and more recently RU-vidrs) are putting on a show for an audience, and their on-screen personas are not representative of what they're actually like.

Wow. I've never seen your channel before but I was looking for something on parasocial relationships. This was exactly what I was looking for! Really impressive work.

I heard someone mention parasocial relationships somewhere on youtube and it seemed very familiar. Thanks for making these videos cause they provide great insights in how these relationships work and help me understand myself forming these relationships with people Ive never met

huh.. this actually makes a lot of sense. i like a japanese boy band (ahaha "boy" they're almost 40...) but i watch mostly their variety tv programs, and sure enough they always look back to the camera, it's casual conversation amongst themselves and stuff... i didn't really think about any of this, until i watched one of their concert vids were they arrived by helicopter and step out all rock-star epic like, and seeing that acutally shook me out of that perceived (well now i know the term) "parasocial relationship".. I stared and went "...oh, right. i forgot they're famous..." - in my head, they were those five adorable dorks that are fun to watch.. but that moment they had become the distant showmen/performers they always have been. i still watch the variety programs tho. there are no englsih subs and i've gotta practice the language, i recognize their voices so it's easier to keep track of converstations and who's saying what. but yeh, now i know what was going on. it's a weird moment.. stlil, i like the group's interactions with each other, too. i write fiction, and even if the group are only presenting a "public personality" they're still a rich source of ideas for better characterization in my writing - it's not just them, there's a pair of youtubers and of course movies etc, the more i view them in terms of how they interact and stuff, the better my characterization in narrative becomes, so ... in a way, i guess i'm using the parasocial relationship to my advantage anyway..

Came from Eyepatch Wolf

Only just now catching up to this... I need to find that burnham performance where the audience is filled with comedians. that kinda blows my mind.

This video seemed informative and well-researched. Other videos I have watched have left me still feeling like I did not quite grasp the concept of what a parasocial relationship was. I feel like I learned what I was trying to from this

It's funny because the Red Letter Media parody was so spot on that angry walnut of a man William Shatner assumed it was the real deal and said he'd never appear on their "podcast"

"Reader, I married him." Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre, 1847

I find this to be a very interesting topic and it's something I've thought about a lot. I've always been the kind of person to not have (and not even understand how anyone else could have) the type of unhealthy parasocial relationship where someone convinces themselves they actually know another real life person. It's never made sense to me, but then again I'm a very realistic and grounded person. If any RU-vidr or other type of personality acts like they're my friend simply because I'm consuming their content I'm instantly turned off to them, and have been since forever. It's very prevalent in the gaming community on RU-vid and severely limits what channels I can watch. A lot of people seem to enjoy it though and criticise people like Totalbiscuit, who's been outspoken about how it's dishonest to treat fans like friends and has many times called his viewers replaceable and insignificant as individual persons. This has offended and angered a lot of people while to me it makes perfect sense and seems the most honest position to take. Interestingly enough, and perhaps paradoxically, I greatly enjoy parasocial relationships in fiction. I love it when actors talk to the camera like in House of Cards and Fight Club, and some of my absolute favourite video games are ones where the other characters treat the player as the main character and talk directly to them, or even when they break the fourth wall and talk literally directly to the player. Maybe it works with fiction because I'm able to suspend my disbelief, knowing that there's not a real person that I'm misunderstanding and misrepresenting in my mind? I don't know for sure, but it's fascinating to think about and explore. Great video on a great topic! I look forward to the next episode!

I'm so happy that Eye Patch Wolf recommend your channel. There's a lot of interesting stuff here. Also this video was great. Thank you

Came here from SEW. Super interesting stuff. My close personal acquaintance Wolf sure does have great taste in RU-vid documentaries...

Thank you, Shannon. You always teach me interesting things. You're the best friend anyone could wish for.

*The human brain requires time and space to process information.* This was an extremely painful video experience for me, and I didn't get to enjoy all the research you put into the topic. ^_^" But I will go look up the pages you've linked to. Thanks for talking about this!

Great to see my Patreon money going to amazing content - although I expected nothing else from you! Hopefully this isn't a massive tangent, but as you were talking about Alex Jones, it made me think about Trump and I guess politicians in general. For the most part, none of us meet the people we vote for, only see them talk about issues on tv. So we develop judgments based on what they say as well as feelings (negative, neutral, positive). Really excited to see where the series goes.

This is such a fantastic video and a topic I would love to see a lot more discussion on, but also I'm gonna have Touch-Tone Telephone stuck in my head for at least 4 days now, so thanks Shannon for that gift.

this was suuper interesting and got me thinking about how social media can feel parasocial. i haven't drawn the distinct line yet, but i feel the way i use social media can feel superficial with the intention of forming parasocial relationships. i suppose the line is less blurred for those i regularly engage with in conversation, but for those i don't, it can feel performative and parasocial! i'm super excited to see the rest of the series! this is a minor thing but if you're taking feedback, i'd suggest leaving on screen the quotes you're citing as you read them, or choosing shorter quotes because i felt it was hard to follow at certain times. i can't imagine how much research you had to shift through, so i appreciate you hand selecting quotes, but it did feel a little hard to follow at times. i couldn't tell when you were speaking or when you were quoting. much love!

GAH. This made me consider (and reconsider) so much of my viewing habits of late.

This is so interesting, I was only sort of aware this relationship existed so it's great to know it has a name - and surprising that its not just a byproduct of the internet/youtube like I thought.

Welp, thanks for making this, I got a lot more to look forward to in your essays

thank you for this video. i wrote my bachelor thesis around rhetoric on youtube some years ago and came across this subject. I was simultaneously shocked and interested in this aspect of online personas. nice to get some more background information in an entertaining way. Keep on going.

This is SO good. I really liked the depth of the topic exploration, but even more so I'm impressed (and inspired?) by the amount of dedication you've put into this. It's 19 minutes long, but the pacing made it feel like a short video. Love it! (Waiting for my paycheck and then putting my money where my mouth is via Patreon!)

I love this. Seriously, this is my favorite video of 2017.

I freaking love that you put up the picture at 17:49 because that is all that I was thinking about during this video.

you are a brilliant media analyst. i often have to pause to process what you say, both because you speak rather rapidly/sometimes get verbose and because your ideas are nuanced and richly explained. i look forward to the rest of the series.

I'm quite sure two of my parasocial relations kept me from both killing myself and becoming an alt-right shitbag. Funnily, they are not ones that were cultivated by the authors, I believe, although they both spoke very sincerely and personally Thank you, Dick Coughlan and uJames 1978

Thanks for making a video on this subject. Makes me reexamine my previous/current relationships with my favorite podcast & RU-vid creators ...Maybe I should go outside now

This video just becomes more and more important everyday.

We don't talk enough about how much this changed the thinking in this corner of youtube

I'm watching this 6 years later as I'm including it in a college assignment presentation about parasocial relationships. Funny how far we've come with discussions of this topic.

this issue is my topic of my research paper, thank youu for enlighting me with such info.

Someone linked this in a reddit thread about the recent apology from Game Grumps, so glad I found it! Now the question is, how can content creators use this for good and acknowledge its existence without exploiting it?

I have LOTS of parasocial relationships with porn stars

You are gonna be revered for this one day. You are seriously ahead of the curve

Maybe there's something wrong with me, but I kind of feel it's all just a matter of degrees. Obviously the deliberate monetary manipulation is major issue, but do we really ever know ANYONE? How "real" is any relationship--you're always projecting to a certain degree depending on who you're talking to. You're a slightly different person with your family than you are with your friends than you are with your coworkers. All those relationships are constructed, and there's always going to be aspects of a person you don't "see." And those relationships CAN be exploitative and self serving. Parents can take advantage of their children, friends can take advantage of each other too. Sometimes there are unequal relationships where one person cares much more about it than the other. I'm not dismissing this as a real issue, I'm just not sure it's as "new" or "different" as we think. It's just a more extreme version what we all do anyway. If the requirement for a real relationship is truly knowing them, or having them truly know you, I'm not sure ANY of my relationships are entirely "real." There's always going to be a certain amount of projection and skewed perception involved. That's just how people work.

Thank you for making this series!

The MASSIVE amount of money made from these relationships is staggering. I will in the future try to watch myself when I want to buy x merch or participate in y this or that by a personality I like. I will fail sometimes, but I will try to be aware. It seems the jobs that pay the most are if you are the persona in a parasocial relationship. I think this even extends to a more abstract concept, like a favorite team in sports in which you feel like you share their trials and triumphs, often picking favorite players and learning more about them. I've personally always thought that jobs that are based purely on personality or artistic medium should not make more money than say a doctor or scientist. But value and therefore payment is a lot more random then inherent logical, social or technological value. It's frustrating when I see people excuse others making millions, saying they deserved it, instead of being able to understand that it is luck, they would not make it if they tried. I love Bo Burnham's (whom is a paradox in how he wrestles with doing exactly what he is against, and still has interesting insight in the world of stardom and using fake relationships to make money) comment on the subject. To paraphrase, You won't make it, the ones that do had every opportunity and set up in the world to do so and still barely made it. Give up. You should do a job, hobby that you love. Not because you want to make it career first. If you can, great, if not, do it because you enjoy it for yourself. I have a very frustrating life, finances are tough and I'm functionally disabled due to various mental conditions. I dealt with abuse from my parent all my life. I just now finally at almost 30 years old have normalish people who care about me. I am a PRIME target for the trap of parasocial relationships. I think a lot of people are in the same boat or often worse. And it sucks for the personalities that want to feel more connected and help their fans and wrestle with the fact that it is always one sided and never will be more, because it's hard to intimately get to know even 200 people, like alone millions.

"Perhaps even find a cynical amusement in refusing the offered gambit" hahahah wow they knew all about me in 1956

I can't get over how great the background music is.

Do you know when there is THE "one best video on a topic" on RU-vid? This is the one about parasocial relationships.

Shannon!! Your channel is way too underrated. Extremely interesting take on an even interesting topic. Good to have you as a friend btw :)

can't explain to you the joy of hearing cabinet man, checking my tabs to figure out where it was playing, and then realizing it was part of the video. great video!

Thank you for making this video for me Shannon

Love the Lemon Demon! It's also a neat nod to an internet celebrity a lot of people have developed this relationship with.

RedLetterMedia often makes comments in their videos on comments to their videos. I think the parasocial relationship goes two ways on the internet, but it's still parasocial. Content creators read comments and reactions in other media, then they react to their viewers and then the viewers react and so on. It's almost like a game. And it's definitely good to set boundaries and create the distance you need. It's good for both parties, because it's disingenious to make your audience feel like they're in a close relationship with you, and then for example have to call security, because of setting the wrong boundary. Doesn't matter for the end result if someone sends the wrong signals out of lust for money and power or out of not knowing their own boundaries; I'd say though the latter isn't immoral. Also, I make a distinction between watching a video and feeling the person on the screen (total one-sidedness) and exchanging messages (two-sidedness like in real life, similar to exchanging letters per mail.) Messageboard friends might be far away, but the relationship can be genuine. Okay, it is more difficult to figure out if the other persons are what they claim to be, but even in face-to-face conversations there is a possibility that someone's lying right into your face. And like in real life, the more you have two-sided contact with someone the more you see a personality pattern. Thanks a lot, Strucci, I appreciate your essays on media psychology, I think until now, you're the only content creator on YT who enlightens about this side of media usage.

I'm interested in how Para-social relationships might relate to falling in love with (or just wishing to be friends with) a mental health professional.

love this. hope to see more episodes of it in the future!

literlaly god bless you for making this -- i'm writing my thesis on this stuff and I have such trouble digesting academic sources. With the lack of videos (STILL) about this topic, I'm certainly going to cite yours!

This is fantastic! On the strength of this video alone, I'm going to start subbing. Thanks for sharing your work!

This is so interesting, I'd never heard of the term before this vid

Who is the guy who is singing in the boy band? And Singing at the piano talking about getting money from girl fans? Thank-you for the video, this is a great topic. I worked in radio back in the 90's. I remember doing the graveyard shifts 2am - 6am and asking "Is there anybody out there?" The rule of thumb was that for every phone call in that I received on the graveyard shift there would be 50 listeners. I don't know how they calculated that. Also what about the intention of the content creator. To me, working in radio there was a lot of ego. Many of these broadcasters themselves were seeking the desire to be noticed, loved and admired. It feeds off of the notion of Fans = the desire to love, Content creator = the desire to be loved. Is it possible that there is something lacking in both parties. And would this be defined as lacking or just an adjustment to the environment that we find ourselves in? Ummm thinking out load. We had a name for people (notably those who worked in radio, journalists etc.) who actively sort out celebrities. We called them Schmoozers. I cannot say that I have been free from parasocial relationships. I have been on both the giving (fan) and receiving (object of admiration) end of the spectrum. Interestingly, when I was 16 I developed a 'crush' on a band (parasocial crush) but the band wasn't a boy band, it was a band with guys in their late 30's early 40's. More than twice my age and I had a massive crush on them (I can't believe I am admitting this!!). Idealization. On that note I have also had people come up to me who knew me in radio, fans, I love your work. I have had many a fake friend. and recently I have had other people recognize me from facebook posts. "Finally I get to put a face to the name, I have seen you so often on this site". Me, sort of slightly freaked out. (I am a prolific writer, commentor and I engage a lot). So I think it effects us all. We make the mistake of the person looking into the lens as loving us specifically when really they don't even see us. Thank-you again for your video. I will watch part two.

Why did I only just find this? This is great

Nice vid. Came from your appearance in a Hbomerguy stream. Also nice use of Neil Cicierega music, it's just background music but still noticed it so... cool.

After this video, I feel like I really know you as a person, on a deep, personal level. 😀 It is very funny how much this is baked into so many of the social media relationships there are encouraged. So many RU-vid creators start and end with "I love you guys" as if they even know the names or user handles of the people who watch them, and as if it's an actual, give-and-take relationship. I hope you'll also go into the flip side of parasocial relationships, in what benefit they could give to people who may have no other ways of connecting with others. It's easily manipulated, but no social relationships are 100% irredeemable, I think.

This is interesting and well made! Thanks, looking forward to watching the other parts! :D

This is why our parents always tells us to never talk to strangers.

Said it before, i am a subscriber and will be as long as you produce thoughtful content. We're no more "friends" than i am with netflix.

Just a small note: I think this video essay would improve quite a bit it was narrated at least a BIT slower. This topic is already quite complex and the speed of the narration makes it even harder to follow.

Reminds me to kpop, specially bts and the whole idol culture in korea and japan. Creepy topic

I love!! that you use Lemon Demon's "When He Died." one of my favorite songs. and of course as always, thanks for an engaging and informative video!!

A sort of objection to the argument of avoiding or thinking of as entirely bad the people who are on the recieving end of this sort of love or affection is that, although it could (and is) used to ill effect, it doesn't have to be. I'm thinking of vlogbrothers using the deep connection their fans feel with them to raise money for charities during the Project for Awesome. Or, less external, if someone forms a parasocial relationship with a fictional person who talks directly to them, if it's good fiction it will give meaning and joy and teach that person things. Great fiction can illumate the world and all that cheesey stuff. (I mentioned Name of the Wind in another comment.) And while boybands might totally take advantage of young girls' insecurity and so forth, I feel like people (for the most part) grow out of that phase and can find better romantic role models in real life and in other media. Not to say there aren't harmful effects (there are), but that they (generally, for most people) aren't permanent and it is impossible to save everyone from everything. Basically, I think my sister's and friends' relationships are doing okay as of having boyband phases, and I wouldn't stop my imaginary future daughter from having one either - though I might try and provide other role models and work towards self-reflection. Also, I don't say this to discourage discussion or analysis of harmful effects or of effects in general. Just a philosopical view on some of the ways we might, as societies, move forward.

pretty sure this is my third time watching this series all the way through

Super eyepatch wolf brought me here. I like it and will go to the next longer one.