One thing about Olympic athletes is that they often experience post-competition depression even after winning a gold medal. I think it's been coined gold medal syndrome. It just goes to show that even the people that you might consider outwardly "successful" and have accomplished great things may not be spiritually at peace with themselves.
You should look into diffusion/ mindfulness. It’s about distancing your thoughts, fears, and worries from yourself . A good excercize for it is called leaves on a stream and a good book for it is called the confidence gap. It’s a really good tactic for getting out of your own head
I am a software engineer. I've been programming since the age of 11. I got into it because I wanted to make video games. I got into music for the same reason. I have had 3 different software engineering jobs (2 of which I dropped out of 2 different colleges for), the current job being working for a startup. Regardless of any work I have done, or my programming skill, or any adventure I've gone on, it is never enough. Living at baseline is impossible for me. If my life is boring, I start doing drugs and drinking. My drinking in particular has lead to legal issues which may decimate my career outlook. I feel that the punishment these legal issues have been inflicting on me, even prior to any sort of conclusion, are out of proprortion, cruel, and unusual. They are founded on exaggerations, my-words-versus-theirs, and flat-out lies coming from a place of hatred. If the legal system were eye for an eye, things would be better for me right now, and yet we see eye for an eye as ... cruel and unusual. It is far worse than eye for an eye. Rather, it is your life for an eye. It is best not to stand out in this world. There is no wasting your life unless you spend it doing things others want you to do. We were born slaves and we are to be kept there. The only thing that brings me solace are the movies I watch, nicotine, and listening to and making music. My music isn't great, but it is what I do, and I enjoy it quite a bit. Our lives were determined before birth, there is no escape. Our generation is a giant experiment, and no one cares. I see my niece and nephew in a far worse situation than I. They can hardly read, write, calculate, etc... and it pains me to see them already struggling, at such a young age, with things that I struggled with. My niece, in particular, appears to have some glimmer of intelligence that makes me fear for her far more than my nephew. We are not meant to be intelligent, because intelligence only leads to more suffering - particularly in the class we were born into. This nation does not care about its youth. I am quickly losing my own. The older I get, the less my failures will be excused, and the more others will see me as a failure. My reputation is effectively ruined regardless, so this part does not worry me so much. I had a chance to succeed, and at times I succeeded, but each success breeds more strife. If I could do nothing for the rest of my life besides sit in my room, make music, watch movies, etc... I would at least feel free for once. I am tired of work. I hate my job. I hate my life. I have tried many different jobs, and in every job it is the same result. I am excited and work really hard for a few months, and then I fade into the state I am in at this very moment. I don't think we are meant to live the way we are. Travelling is fantastic, and I really love it, but once the money runs out, you are back to square one. I can hardly organize my thoughts anymore. If you fuck up once in this life, you are tortured and branded for the rest of it. Whether by others, or yourself. My one glimmer of hope is to live on my grandparents' land once they pass. It is reasonably rural, and quite beautiful. My desire, should everything truly collapse, is to die there.
damn. i’m glad you have music, that’s really my saving grace as well. I actually really considered going to school for CS to become a software engineer, i wasn’t bad a coding from the little I learned and I didn’t hate it. But then I got struck with the ‘damn I don’t want to spend so many hours of my life doing something I don’t really care about just for money’. I mean in return that money is valuable, it can buy you experiences and trips and travel which i do value, but I’m starting to realize I find time priceless. I definitely relate to the job piece about getting super into something and excited for a few months before getting bored and hating it and wanting change. I’m trying to not love change and disruption as much as I currently do because that makes for a difficult life in some ways, but I guess it also encourages a more fun and diverse life. I hope you get that rural land when you’re older, maybe that can be your space to hone down on music, shitty or not, or just write your stuff down. Me personally maybe I’m just weird but I love reading about random people’s self recorded lives and thoughts, no matter how ‘interesting’ someone is. Keep going
@@LiliMelt CS isn't a terrible career path in and of itself. It is much better than most work. I am just completely drained in terms of everything in life, and I have become jaded by being in front of a computer for the majority of my life, so some of my views may be distorted. Going from being praised for "intelligence", being the best at what you do in comparison to your peers, being the highest paid, etc... to realizing none of it mattered to begin with is excruciatingly painful. Better to learn it now then, say, when I'm too old to have any hope whatsoever. As I currently am, however, I feel like a poster child for lost potential. The most hopeless feeling stems from the realization that I actually, truly have felt this way since I was 11/12/13 years old, and now I just have real issues to attribute it to. No matter what you decide to do, the one piece of advice I'd give is to absolutely minimize unnecessary debt. Do not go to a private university. Local universities are top priority to avoid unnecessary debt through ridiculous modern living costs. Sometimes going to a local private uni can even be better financially than living at state school, but it all depends on grants, scholarships, state-funding, etc. The absolute best situation is living for free at home while going to college at a local state school, if you're lucky enough to be near one. Depending on your living situation you may have to / want to move out. Don't be afraid to do so, but be aware that once you do that, you will have to be diligent in handling your life, and will need some actionable plan to get to a point of financial stability. The ultimate goal is to minimize others' (i.e., people who have no attachment to you / do not care about your wellbeing) leverage over you, and always feel that you can do something else if you start disliking your life. All actions, in my view, should move towards this goal (at least when it comes to career). You want to minimize the feeling of being a slave as much as possible, though it never truly goes away. Just try and enjoy life and don't get into terrible habits if you can avoid them. Accept your minor flaws and mistakes. If you don't you will start hating yourself to the point of no return, and you will do something drastic that has life-ruining consequences. Avoid people who do not have your best interests in mind. Even if you think they do, if there is no obvious incentive then still be wary. Trusting others too soon is one of the primary causal factors of my predicament. Edit: Everything I've written has been so miserable that I feel I have to add a bit more. Do not let people complaining on the internet bring you down. If it brings you solace for the moment, so be it, but it is best to avoid transferring mental illness into yourself from others that might not have been there had you not been exposed to it. Same goes for real life. It is a sad truth, but avoiding the *terminally mentally ill is profoundly important. It spreads like a virus. That doesn't mean you can't feel bad, sympathize, etc... but you have to be careful not to let it transfer onto you. Try to avoid infecting yourself as much as possible, and create an environment for yourself that can help you be more content. It is easy to become comfortable in misery and your own suffering. Try to avoid using those as warm blankets, as you will become suffocated, and it may be the case that there is a point of no return on such learned behaviors. I fear that may be where I am at, but I still try to hold on to some hope. In summary: All is easier said than done.
@@LiliMelt only the top 1% of musicians make a living. the average salary in software is like 200k. U can do art an music as a side hobby. plus CS is amazing for digital nomad living. I lived in mexico for a month while coding at the pool of the hotel
if you want a career in music the best way to start is not thinking "i need to create an end product that is amazing" but just "i need to create something" because the first songs you write will probably suck but every time you write another one you'll build on what you've already done and improve.
I don't know if you are familiar with the term "blackpill" and its mostly targeted towards men with struggles in dating and how "looks are almost everything" not just in dating but also how successful you can become and more opportunities in life. But I wanted to know your thoughts on modern day women and how most set very high standards and only date up and treat average and below average men bad. I don't know if you have paid attention to that but if you have would be nice to hear your take on it. Most say they care about "personality" and that looks don't matter but its pretty much a virtue signal to "looks is your personality" and looks being the first thing you see before you get to know their personality.
I don’t have any strong hot takes on the topic but I definitely believe there’s tons of shallow people out there, whether it’s intentional or not, that in the long run are better to avoid as far as getting hurt in relationships. I think people who hold high expectations for significant others aren’t doing themselves or the other person definitely any good by leading them on, of course everyone can have preferences in who they want to surround themselves with, but I definitely have respect for people who surround themselves with those they want to be with instead of pulling down those they don’t. There are undoubtedly lots of people who judge others, including judging men for sure, based on looks, but in the long run i think you best bet is to find people as cliche as it sounds who care about you on a deeper level than just appearance. Might sound easier said than done but it is 100% possible and practically inevitable, assuming you don’t shy away from putting yourself out there whether it’s at work, school, community events, festivals whatever. Shallow people exist, more often than not they haven’t accepted themselves fully yet and therefore don’t accept others who don’t exceed their standards. Nothing you can do about those people, unfortunately, other than to just move on and find others to relate to :) I think the most important peace is getting to a place with yourself where you don’t care what strangers or acquaintances think of you, and just focus on bettering yourself for yourself, because that’s the most attractive quality someone can have imo
I’d love to get to know you and maybe try something out that may be fun for you and help you explore some ideas for yourself using A.I to help decipher your thoughts, passions and motivators in life to maybe help single out some concepts that may peak your interest and give some direction.
Nothing you do is a waste , View counts will rise if you let them, Your opinion and thoughts will be respected and listen too for once I swear lil who am I k? Whom is my friends
u should major in CS. you will make a lot of money and with that money you will have control over your own life. the people you will meet will also be way smarter and more dynamic. u are depressed because the government has full control over your life. simple as that.
I think u are just afraid because u dont have control over your own life since u are under 18. just open your own brokerage account and bank accounts as soon as you can
it doesnt sound like your wasting your potential. you are doing the best with the options you have available to you. It sounds like your blaming yourself for not pursuing options that are not even available to you because you are under 18, and dont have a normal upbringing. so your essentially blaming yourself for stuff outside your control. get a CS degree. make 200k a year. move to bali and do music and art as a side project.
Lili you’re so beautiful and I kno that you will excel at anything, you can do anything to your full potential and you don’t have to be perfect, be free to make a lot of mistakes because mistakes allow you to learn how to do something perfect and you are worth doing anything in this life 🩷
