Fighting loneliness when you have no friends?

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In response to a viewer's question on how to fight loneliness when you have no friends.
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#loneliness

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2 июн 2024

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Комментарии : 1 тыс.

@wildrabbit1314 5 лет назад

Growing up I definitely felt more connected to the characters on tv than in real life.

@mishthemaverick8607 4 года назад

Same. My big sister would tell me I need to get my head out of the TV so I could converse about something other than my favourite characters. Damn, I'm still the same way, I love to analyse tv shows and movies.

@eduardochavacano 4 года назад

i grew up in Asia and I can relate to Brenda Walsh and the 90210 cast than people in my town.

@kylesapphire1820 3 года назад

This guy is doubting statistics in the start of the video

@cacaim 3 года назад

@crackerate 2 года назад

Same

@ekongkarkaur5117 5 лет назад

The only time I feel lonely is when I’m around people.

@ina1815 5 лет назад

Yes!!!

@DiscoveryWonders 5 лет назад

EK ong kar Kaur i also get that- but only around wrong people , sadly most of people are sort of partially wrong. Haha

@lynnmrie 5 лет назад

mind blown.............you're right! this is is gonna take some thinking now

@citizenofnowhere0672 4 года назад

Me too

@languagelover9170 4 года назад

@@lynnmrie

@ineedtruth.2075 5 лет назад

I don't get it all, but the more I become myself the less lonely I feel. And the more I force myself to connect, the lonelier I get. does that make sense...

@sdvomim 5 лет назад

it does

@wildrabbit1314 5 лет назад

Yes. Many introverts experience that, and not just infj type.

@sebastiangheorghiu4751 5 лет назад

My definition of true friendship is usually above most peoples definition of friendship. I am always seeking real genuine friends but the more I seek them the more I realize that there are less and less real genuine friends. As an INFJ that is a reality we live in.

@recoveringsoul755 5 лет назад

@@sebastiangheorghiu4751 Right, it's so hard to find a quality person. And I'm tired of wasting my time on people who will suck my energy and give nothing in return. I am used to being a giver, but it has left me drained and feeling exploited. Now I am in unfamiliar territory trying to navigate to get MY needs met. It feels selfish.

@6eagleslanding 5 лет назад

maybe that's because you have become less estranged from yourself, or parts of yourself, and are therefore becoming more whole, and a friend to yourself.

@davidkepke1435 5 лет назад

I don’t TRY to make friends anymore. Not in real life, not in my digital life. Why? Because your best friends are “found” when you tend to the business of your own life. Be pleasant and friendly to others. Serve mankind in your work and by offering a hand to your neighbor or the world by being the best person you can be. Let friendships develop naturally. Don’t let yourself be used, but don’t put too high an expectation onto your friendships. Cherish the friendships you had, but don’t dwell on them. Keep yourself busy with chores and hobbies.

@mmprettypistol 5 лет назад

Wow David, how profound! Although I am totally aligned with your statement, I can't help but think maybe you're a Psycho Killer! Cherish the friends you "had"? For Dinner? Or "over for dinner"! By the way, What are your hobbies? Are you by any chance a seamstress? That would certainly be Precious. And I wonder why I don't have any friends! LMAO I'm doing this at 4 in the morning!LOL

@mjnoon3609 5 лет назад

So David did this philosophy got you any real friends?

@jenna2431 5 лет назад

Love this.

@jekalambert9412 4 года назад

I love to do stuff with people who share my interests. I have lots of people in my life like this and that's enough of a connection for me. I often go months without seeing the people I like the most. Sometimes I see or talk to friends frequently for a period of time, then I don't see them again for a long time. When I haven't seen someone for a long time, I reach out to be in touch with them, usually through email to set up a date. When we do get together, we ride the stream of consciousness about our lives and we do things together that we enjoy. I have a bunch of people like this who have been in my life for a long time, some for more than 40 years. I cherish the deep and profound connections I have with these people. These are my real friends. I find I don't do well with the people who expect me to be there for them because they have an empty place they're looking for me to fill. I cannot fill that empty place. Look for friends who love the lives they have and are engaged in their lives without being needy. Engage in your own life without being needy. Enjoy it! It's when you don't have expectations about what something should look like that you are free to enjoy the beautiful experience of being, including those sometimes deep and transient moments that touch us to the core or shake our world. Several years ago I got a chain letter email with a poem about how people are in our lives for a reason. It said some people stay for a minute, an hour, a day, some for a season, some for a lifetime. The poem was very beautiful, but I was completely turned off by the demand that you were required to respond to the sender and that the email should be forwarded immediately or bad luck would befall the recipient. There was a scoring component in the email that told you you could count the number of real friends you had by the number of replies you received. The scoring was something like if you got 7 responses, you were a good friend. I sent the email to everyone in my address book without the request for responses, forwarding, or scoring. I prefaced my email with my own comment about how much I appreciated everyone who had been part of my life and I wanted to share this beautiful poem with them. I got 37 responses from people who told me about the various ways I'd made an impact on their life!

@flannsixtyseven7489 4 года назад

if i dont try and search i would never meet anyone, my work is spent 8 hrs in front of a screen and then i dont HAVE to go out anymore, spend my time with sports, reading, music, play an instrument - if i would not look for it i would not talk a private word to anyone in months, years.

@fursteveferret3771 5 лет назад

As a working introvert i spend my working week slowly being drained by people around me. Then spend all weekend trying to be alone to recharge, it's a bit of a vicious circle..

@nancysmith8626 5 лет назад

THIS. This is so me, as well!

@silentgrove7670 5 лет назад

I hope you find what you are looking for and escape the vicious circle. I have similar feelings.

@marystruttman7755 5 лет назад

I'm like that now and I used to not be....what happened?

@george5120 5 лет назад

Interesting way that you express that point, and everybody probably relates to it. I am just glad that I get to telework. Jobs where people have to interact with the public, as in a retail store, have got to be the worst.

@emeralddaughters 4 года назад

I do too. I work in substance abuse and mental health and I find myself very burnt out.

@o0Marilyn0o 5 лет назад

My psychologist once told me the exact same thing about tv shows setting high expectations about friendship. Nobody have friends that come over all the time out of the blue. And friends aren't always there when you need it the same way I sometime can't be available for a friend because I have my own shit going on and I'm at a point where I cannot compromise on my own wellbeing. It doesn't mean I don't care or don't love them and the same goes when I'd need a friend and nobody is available. Personally, I had high expectations for myself and other people and that made me extremely lonely. I realised that I don't have to be perfect to be loved and it applies to people I meet as well. They all have flaws and can even be annoying sometimes but I look at the positive things they bring to my life instead. I also thought I needed a lot of friends only to realise I can be happy with having 3 or 4 friends I see at work or from time to time (like once a month). When I meet new people I don't desperately want them to be my close friends anymore and ironically it became easier to make friends because nothing is forced. That said, I really need to apply this knowledge to love relationships otherwise I'll say single forever :'D

@Teckno72 4 года назад

Once again I’m happy to have watched your show.

@Woody-fv7uu 3 года назад

I'm 100% that friend but set the same standard and no one lives up to it and I'll get pissed and not talk to them. When the reality is it dont take 5min to send a text.

@element18ar 5 лет назад

I've always felt that my friends, even my close friends, don't ever fully get me. This was reinforced when I discovered I'm an INFJ, and actually cleared some stuff up. Over the years my friends have always felt more like... assignments or projects. I help them out with their lives and then move on to new friends that need help. For me this also ties into the lightworker syndrome, which I also looked into after a fourth random person asked if I was a lightworker. I have a feeling that there's going to be a small percentage of INFJ's that are always going to feel like they're never going to ever really have a group of solid friends, even though there might be people who view the INFJ as their friend. And you're right, real life isn't like a TV show for us. The internal world of an INFJ is so complex, that it's really just better to learn to be happy being alone. Which is very healthy, because from how complex we all are we may never find a group of solid friends who completely "get us". Just don't preclude the possibility that one day you'll run into someone who truly understands and "gets you" and will become a lifelong friend. Also, everything happens for a reason, and maybe you're not meant to bump into that lifelong friend yet. So just focus on working and improving yourself.

@jenna6256 5 лет назад

I felt relieved after finding out that my personality was normal for an INFJ. Always felt different, but never knew why.

@raesosa1108 5 лет назад

Thanks for sharing. I can relate.

@iamshaman 5 лет назад

It's great as a sign and training ground for your lightworker path because life works out that way ssometimes but as a counsellor had to tell me: the person isnt your "friend" because you dont respect them. By believing they need your help, you automatically arent respecting that they can help themselves. It's essentially a power based relationship, which is never ideal because typically it's a sign of insecurity about your own self worth... realizing this expands the journey even further... what fun stuff life is 🙄😋

@dirtywhitellama 5 лет назад

I don't necessarily look for friends that get me (not sure it's wholly possible) but the ones that accept me like I am, and don't make me feel like I'm weird, are golden.

@araparth9106 5 лет назад

It's so strange how I, as an infp, can soooo relate to that comment. Actually I can basically relate to any comment any infj ever makes (:

@SimpleHappyZen 5 лет назад

Dude I cried at that old lady story. Growing old and lonely is my biggest fear in life

@parishianbalgere6421 4 года назад

@SimpleHappyZen..Tell me about it. All my life I've taken care of others. Decided young that i wanted to be in the medical feild. Saving lives and nursing mankind back to health. Even became a mother (#11)when originally that was not on list of doings but the compulsive desire to teach love guide heal comfort and heal the souls of others especially in their darkest hour of need over threw me. Worst feeling in the world is to have a fear of then being left alone start to lean towards a empty cold reality is almost soul snatching. I work as a nurse still providing service to others as they approach their last stages in hospice care. 25 yrs in this field 40 yrs of feeling like I don't don't quite fit unless it's to someone else's benefit and the many sacrifices made n still make for my children family clients coworkers strangers n friends..who of them will stand by me if their not doing so now when it's my turn? Sad thing is..i learn that I have cancer n I haven't told anyone about it cas I feel why should I? I already know the answer behind my fear and I have to come to peace with in the end 9 out of 10 I will be alone as I've always been when that time is here.

@elizabethk3238 4 года назад

I'm 71, content with life. Work at staying mentally and physically. Stop worrying about it live in the present. My advice is put energy in your health.

@elizabethk3238 4 года назад

@@AsfandShahid it fools like you that people should be afraid of...not death!

@karenwoolley4279 4 года назад

I live in a trailer park and my neighbour and I, well at least me, talk about trying to get more gamers in the park, that way when we retire we'll have folk to game with in walking distance. I'm only 45, but am always thinking ahead. He does do some hosting of D&D so we sucker them in every other Sunday and him every other Saturday in a game I don't play. My Mum is in a home with Parkinson's and it's bad, the fear is founded.

@westwardpomonagyrl4358 4 года назад

🤦🏾‍♀️Ikr

@paulcooper5748 5 лет назад

I can feel lonely alot but then when i interact with some people i would rather me on my own and also when i see how people treat one another at times it puts me off how horrible they can be yes it can be hard finding someone genuine at times.

@terehommikust1718 5 лет назад

I get treated like shit , even though im always friendly, i cant see a reason to treat anyone like shit, im not the guy that lives his shitty life out on others, but i think most are.

@yoli5779 5 лет назад

Horrible and not to mention fake /:

@paulcooper3463 5 лет назад

@@yoli5779 ???

@yoli5779 5 лет назад

@@paulcooper3463 I'm agreeing with you! (:

@paulcooper3463 5 лет назад

@@yoli5779 ok I wasn't sure that's all.

@eugeneaxe 5 лет назад

Loneliness can be a drag, but having too many friends can be a huge burden. I'd rather be alone most the time than deal with gossip and drama. And sometimes people can be fake. I'd rather be alone than have Kramer bother me. Lol.

@IExpectedBSJustNotThisMuchBS 4 года назад

I'm disabled and on my own. I've been on my own for 12 years and disabled for 16 years. People flee your life when you are chronically ill, particularly with an illness that's been maligned. We learn how to cope. It still comes up, we still struggle. Online friendships are a Godsend, but it there are times you need to see a person in real life. Yes, people need to look around... we're here in your community and what we've learned about being discarded, loss, grief, and surviving could prove useful to you.

@claystahl7002 2 года назад

Everyvidioiseefrankdochangesmylifealittemorewonderhowievergotbybefore

@katherinewilson1853 Год назад

Same here.

@sarawilhelm2465 5 лет назад

I definitely needed to see this today. I've been struggling with this constant feeling of loneliness/emptiness for a while now. Making true connections with people is so hard. It's like the people who I want to have deeper connections with don't put in the effort in return and the people who want to be better friends with me don't live up to my standards therefore I stop trying. I hate that I can be so picky about friendships, but I've been in so many toxic friendships that I'm just done dealing with that. You're absolutely right though about you the whole "you probably aren't a great friend in return" thing, I've had a bad track record of keeping up with friendships.

@sonyvalencia 5 лет назад

Same here.

@staceydrye2711 3 года назад

I feel this way too

@edfarmer9707 3 года назад

making friends is easy just being myself, however being myself makes it difficult to keep friends. quite frankly it's just to exhausting. ironically, I'm completely fascinated with people and especially their behaviors. people seem to be drawn to me. but there just isn't enough hours in a day to maintain these unintentional "relationships"

@VELOXCENEWNL69 3 года назад

Live up to ur standards?I'm sorry what?

@VELOXCENEWNL69 3 года назад

Bitch can u reply?

@Sam-bc9ll 3 года назад

"I have learned that to be with those I like is enough." - Walt Whitman

@lex6819 5 лет назад

Thinking back to high school and college, most of my closest friends weren't that much like me. My friends were pretty diverse, which is why I think as an adult it's hard to find friends because you get into the mindset of finding people who are similar to you, but it's the differences that I think make connections richer and deeper somehow.

@EmmyKhan 5 лет назад

Also when you get older people are at different stages in their lives. In school everyone is at the same time at the same place going through the same thing. When you get older your time and energy becomes more precious and therefore maybe it is difficult to find people who want to invest time in you as much as you want, or vice versa.

@sab-ali 2 года назад

Absolutely, so true. I had such fun friends at school, eith whom i'm still in touch with, but i can't call them my friends anymore since we don't share our lives or time with eachother anymore.. And as i got older i couldn't really find anybody like me. Well not even someone opposite of me but still could connect with my way of thinking. None.

@livingdiystyle 5 лет назад

As a predominantly introverted feeler, the thing I appreciate most about the introverted thinking/extroverted feeling types is how awesome they are at delivering truth and giving a new perspective in a genuinely loving way. You totally rocked that combo in this video, especially towards the end. It’s obvious you’re videos are motivated by love. Thank you for helping us see the big picture with your logical break down of reality.

@SvetiK1324 5 лет назад

You are amazing! I had a friend that I got mad at her because of a meaningless thing that I thought was important back then, so as infj’s do I shut her out completely like she wasn’t there at all. I watched the video till the 14 minute and realize I am a jerk and called her. We spent 3 hours on the phone and decided to meet for coffee thanks to you. You put me really in proportion! ❤️

@FrankJames 5 лет назад

I am glad to hear you made up with your friend!

@dew3968 3 года назад

Frank: "gone are the days that you made friends easily in highschool [...] It's gonna be much harder now" Me, getting out of Highschool without a single close friend I made in there: Oh shit, It's worse than I thought right, doctor Frank?! Lol

@benjames863 5 лет назад

I had friends. People always neglect and ignore me

@lohst1672 4 года назад

I feel like it’s we come off too strong & most people at their core are shallow.

@Cwrenn993 3 года назад

same

@malumachado4561 3 года назад

Or betray you and sell your car behind your back with frauded documents.

@Heezbungus 3 года назад

same now i donr

@echo5435 Год назад

"don't stop looking for friends, they're out there" I love this

@rekal7775 5 лет назад

Don't you know that social isolation is a growing problem among young adults, and it's still handled as a taboo, because... well, we are young? You're telling us that it's easy to make friends at school. It never happened to me. I didn't have friends, just a few people who were okay with hanging out with me sometimes. I had people sleeping over at my house twice during my school years, and I never slept at anyone else's place. I never had anyone to play with after school or going to the movies with at the weekend. I wouldn't have needed it very often, but if I wanted to do things with someone, there was nobody I could ask. What it's like to be around good people and having good friends, I only experienced it once, for a few weeks. I felt myself better than ever then. And I was thinking all the time that this was normality for most people, something that I only got to experience once for a short time. My loneliness escalated after moving out of home for college. I went from having my family around nonstop to only having a short talk every few days. I have to admit, I willingly distanced myself from them, because it was difficult for me to deal with them, and I don't regret it. My social life is better than it ever was at school, but it's still far away from the best I've had for that short time. Days pass without anyone saying a word to me. I don't even turn on the TV or any music when I'm home (I live alone). Hearing and seeing my peers doing things together makes me want to cry, but I can't even cry anymore. My feelings are numb, and I waste entire evenings by doing nothing but browsing on the internet. I am starving for meaningful human connections, but I'm a sucker at making and maintaining them. I don't know if the original commenter meant this level of loneliness, but social isolation is something that is said to be worse for the health than obesity and smoking. And being in this, feeling that I might have to spend the rest of my life in this state, being told that some are having it worse is not comforting at all. But I appreciate the attempt, at least there's someone who tries.

@immortalserito774 5 лет назад

I relate to your experiences. Your life of solitude is a gift...but you MUST put purpose into your free time. There will be periods when a friend will pop into your life for a few weeks, a few months, a year. A lesson will be learned, but when it's time to move on, move on.

@victoriawilson542 5 лет назад

You are the creator of your reality, and just like smoking or obesity, social isolation can be changed. It's hard but it can be done. You might not like to hear it, but yes their are people who are worse off then you. Guaranteed. The thing is, you do not have to be a victim. You can have a life that is satisfying and fulfilling, a life that makes you happy. You just have to choose to make things better for yourself. A lot harder than it sounds but it's possible.

@Dabestest-uo4bg 5 лет назад

maybe try living with roommates if you have the option

@andrewguga7269 5 лет назад

@Jimmy's girl SavedByGrace I ain't denying it , thing is that most Christians , especially devout ones , also tend to be some of the most judgemental people out there and if your not a believer they tend to shun you and ostracize you , especially if your a declared atheist , agnostic or secular humanist... I'm not putting all Christians in the same boat because it's true that some of them are friendly and kind and understanding but others are judgemental and mean ... Best wishes to you !

@andrewguga7269 5 лет назад

@Jimmy's girl SavedByGrace thanks for the reply ! well yeah nowadays in the US for example people on the right especially religious conservatives tend to be more open minded than leftists although that doesn't mean that there isn't a minority of rightists or conservatives who in reality might be intolerant , yes you are right crappy people exist in all camps in life whether they are religious or not ! what I am trying to say is that back in the past the conservatives tended to be more intolerant and narrow minded and those on the left were more open minded and tolerant whereas now in the 21st century it's exactly the opposite ! conservatives are more open minded and tolerant while leftists are not although just because the majority of leftists are this way that doesn't mean that every leftist is like this. Also , atheists can be charitable as well , there are cases of atheists donating money to charitable organization.Anyway , I think it's not good for us to get in to politics too much , for me politics is a waste of time , once more thanks for your reply and have a pleasant day :) !

@user-lk9vz2kh5y 5 лет назад

I didn't have any friends about three months ago. I only had a best friend, but she lives very far away from me now. I still found myself enjoying my time alone. I got to think a lot and I didn't have to make an effort to contribute to a conversation. I was far from lonely, although everyone thought I was (curse my resting sad face)

@gj88888 5 лет назад

I feel better not wanting friends because it always ends up being drama and more time than I’d like to give in the end. It sounds pessimistic but it’s not. There is comfort in realizing it’s just not for you.

@grace_koh 5 лет назад

I only have one close friend, tbh. When I feel lonely, I look within myself and realize I'm my own best friend. And immediately, the loneliness is gone.

@lohst1672 4 года назад

You’re really the only one who’s truly there for you

@teddysshow4302 5 лет назад

I just to moved to a new city where I have no friends. The timing for this was impeccable. Thanks, Frank.

@guesswho5790 4 года назад

I've always been on the introverted and weird side, although very cheerful and sociable. But. Through traumas and sucky coping mechanisms I have developed a personality disorder and PTSD. I have had a bad depression, and to this day I experience regular anxiety. Needless to say, my once active social life has basically ceased to exist. I got too much in my head, and it took very little to trigger me into sabotaging relationships and hurt myself and other people in the process. I'm not here to throw a pity party. I just wanted to point out that sometimes we need help. And there are wounds that can't be seen but that are very real and must be cured if we want to fill that void. Sometimes we are limited in ways we never expected. You can develop a bad mental illness regardless of "what happened to you". You don't need war to develop PTSD or something else. The good news is where there's a will (and money), there is a way. I had been going from one group of friends to another for 7 years, burning more bridges than I can count. Exhausted and scared, I gave up on making any new relationships altogether. But now, though I still have some more healing to do, I feel for the first time like myself. And I am confident of my recovery and that I am capable of living a fulfilling life. I wish anybody going through mental health issues all the best, sending all my love and support through those dark times. And anybody who maybe doesn't have many social skills, the willpower and perseverance to learn and live their best life. 💛

@mandilovelady6470 5 лет назад

Self absorbtion is the biggest disease we have. We are so "self" focused, and stuck in our own little bubbles, therefore miserable. I try to remind my kids that there are people who have ot way worse, and youre correct for sharing that bit in this video because its very important for us to just look around and see that life is only as bad as we allow it to be. We ultimately have the choice to make dig or small changes at any time. Great advice! Great video! Keep on posting!

@margaretmurnane9867 5 лет назад

God I love the way you follow up your very real ,relatable, thoughtful and compassionate dialogue with the shout outs to all the 90 year olds and Turkish prisoners. Beautiful 😂

@bethanywhee8410 5 лет назад

One of the worst, was being lonely... and being in love with someone that doesn’t love you... which was even more lonely. It brought out my INFJ neurotic depression

@juliam.9007 5 лет назад

Once again, your video really helped me get through a bad day, so thank you so much for it. I was diagnosed with cancer recently at age 20 and it’s been a lonelier road than it has ever been for me, being INFJ and not having “close” friends to begin with. In a sense, like you mentioned, I’ve been holding people up to high standards, expecting these friends to hang out with me every day, text me, take care of me like you see in the movies perhaps, but I failed to recognize that people have their own lives, and sometimes I don’t know if it’s a me problem or something that’s wrong with these friendships I’ve made, but it’s probably the former, I don’t know. It almost feels like my illness has shown me how lonely I am now that I’ve had to take a break from school and no longer have anything to distract me from that eventual realization. But as you’ve said, I probably just have to see the good that I have in my life, like the fact that I do somewhat have people I *could* reach out to if I ever needed anything.

@liebegift8209 5 лет назад

Ohh!!. Are you ok now?

@danpetru 4 года назад

;)

@wisdomist2144 5 лет назад

I have one close friend. We met online 9 years ago and discovered we lived in the same area of town. We've been close friends now for 9 years. He's very much an introvert, as I am. We get together in person one day per week. I've been attending a church for the past 2-and-a-half years, where there is a regular group of people who know my name and welcome me, but no personal (outside of church) friendship has developed. Your talk made me feel better about my life, Frank. Thanks!

@StephanieDouglassMusic 5 лет назад

I'm picturing Turkish prisoners watching you from their cells. There's a Paul Baribeau lyric that stands out to me - "Sometimes I don't want to make new friends. Sometimes I just miss my old friends." I remember feeling that so hard when I moved across the state. I didn't realize at the time how lonely it would be and how difficult making new friends would be. I don't know that I personally idealize friendship so much. My youngest sister might be the ideal friend, and maybe my mom. I have two very good work friends. They are both 10 years older than me but they have been there for me in terms of helping out when I was having hard times, helping me with my wedding, blowing off steam after a long day of work. I also have a lot of music friends. People who carpool with me to music groups. My friend I stand next to in jazz band whom I always show cat pictures. They are all a totally different demographic than me (older guys). I feel that I really have made some special friends here on RU-vid. Including through your channel! So thank you for your insights. And thanks again for providing a space where people feel inclined to reach out and be kind.

@mmprettypistol 5 лет назад

Hi friend! Marilyn here, & I am looking forward to the concert next Sunday, November 11th, @ 3:00 p.m.

@StephanieDouglassMusic 5 лет назад

@@mmprettypistol Excited to meet you 😊

@hollyp.8849 5 лет назад

Dang, I’ve been through this a bunch, especially when I first went to college. No one at school lived up to my impossible standards, and I ended up feeling so lonely that I joined a sorority, which is just about the most out-of-character thing I’ve ever done. I’m glad I did it, though, because I joined with a big, diverse group of girls, and I had to learn how to be “sisters” with all of them. I don’t think I would’ve tried to make friends with most of those girls had we not been put in that situation together, and I would’ve been missing out. Also, this type of loneliness definitely hit me like a freight train over the summer. I know I mentioned it in my comments then, but I was off work for the summer, and I let my fiancé use my car to commute to work after his unexpectedly died. I live out in the country, 30+ minutes away from my friends and family, so it was a miiiiiserable two months of being stuck in my apartment with no one but my cats while he worked (and he works a ton 😵). Hell, my 96-year-old grandma had a more popping social life than I did over the summer, because at least she had friends to go to dinner and happy hour with at her retirement home. 😂 I feel super pathetic saying this, but it was kinda kismet that I found your channel then. I never comment on people’s stuff or initiate talking to people in general, but I was like two steps away from a Yellow Wallpaper-type situation, and I felt less lonely seeing that I had a bizzaro twin out there on the Tubes. In fact, yours is still the only RU-vid channel I’ve ever commented on, lol. P.S. I know I’m but a lowly subscriber and not a real-life person, but if you ever need an Elaine, I got you. I’ve even been told that my dancing skills are on par with hers. 😉

@mr.coolmug3181 5 лет назад

Loneliness, I think, is a result of a lack of _connection._ Not necessarily _connection with people,_ because we can be with people and still feel detached and lonely. _Connection_ is something distinct from being with other people, though we can _make connection_ with other people, _connection_ is not exclusive to that. _Connection_ is not the same as an internet connection. Being in-touch with multiple different people through a screen, or through a microphone or speaker, is not the same as _connection_ in the sense I am using it. _Connection_ as I'm using it, is any kind of experience that brings us closer to life, that makes life "come alive". This could be a connection with God, it could be connection to family or friends, it could be anything that makes our lives broader and more fulfilled and more meaningful. If you don't have meaning and fulfillment, then you con't have _connection._ Facebook (RU-vid, Twitter, Instagram, etc.) has no meaning or fulfillment, or higher goal or attainment, so it doesn't really provide _connection._

@titaniumtiara4573 5 лет назад

And find new hobbies, meet new people, go new places, try new things>>>recreate your sense of self

@melm9646 5 лет назад

I only need one person to feel complete.

@rondae7121 5 лет назад

Mel Roselyn Me too! Myself! !

@easytoslip 5 лет назад

my cat ♥ =^..^=

@charming_mist7925 4 года назад

Mel, people say they need that one soul to be with them and this would make them complete. The thing is, my dad used to say that too, but he has noticed that he has my mom and his kids, yet my mom and my siblings and I cause dad to get overstimulated/over-peopled. Dad says all the time how lonely he is even when surrounded by loved ones. My mom is a sweet, loving INFP. My sister is an INFP too. My brothers and I (and our dad) are INFJs. My dad spends most of his time alone because people (even his family) can be overwhelming for him. So, my dad is lonely when alone, but lonely when surrounded by loved ones. Now, dad is just striving to be happy no matter what, and to stop looking outside himself for happiness-- though his duty to God and his family comes first. Anyway, Mel, these are just my two bits for whatever they may be worth.

@shannonlogue5585 5 лет назад

"Are you the ideal friend?" Great question! We are so prone to expecting others to meet our needs. It's like the coin phrase: "How are you going to win the lottery if you never buy a ticket?" In other words, if we don't put ourselves out there, how can we expect to find friends? For a romantic twist, how do you attract Mr. Right if you aren't doing your part to make sure you are working on yourself to become Ms. Right?

@FrankJames 5 лет назад

very true, focusing on being a good friend might be the better path than focusing on finding a good friend!

@tolstoy431 5 лет назад

Sooo True..... THE GREATEST PROBLEM OF ALL PEOPLE IS HAVING TOO HIGH EXPECTATIONS IN LIFE IN GENERAL

@user-ne8bp7nr8x 5 лет назад

Any time I feel really stuck or unsure about things, it always ALWAYS helps to visit your channel and hear you speak. Thank you for coming on here and speaking from your heart.

@evegreenification 5 лет назад

"We're holding people to higher standards than we even hold ourselves to" yes exactly. Everybody forgot that their own farts stink. My occasional loneliness comes from getting rejected by people with this mentality.

@333invitado 3 года назад

This video is so inspiring. Frank, you are so inspiring. Truly, the way you speak, your advice, your examples are always so spot on, perfect combination of reality check and empathy and compassion. ✨👌🏻❤️ Just made my day a bit less lonely, it felt as though I was listening to a close friend speak.

@amberpohl3318 5 лет назад

Your channel has really helped me become more self aware of the beautiful things I DO have in my life. It’s human nature to only focus on the negative and to get stuck into an endless loop looking for happiness. I always try to remind myself that perspective is everything. I am becoming more thankful and appreciative of the little things. Not enough people open their eyes to those little things. Something as simple as playing with my cat, or going on a refreshing walk when it’s raining out. All I can say is thank you. I try to keep an optimistic outlook, but sometimes I tend to slip into a rut. You have reminded me to clear my mind and to only focus on what makes me feel alive . I appreciate you!

@crystalsolis 5 лет назад

I’ve been in therapy and in my current sessions, my therapist and I have been talking about friendship and loneliness. Loneliness is what most regard as a “sad” thing. And it kind of is. Because as humans, we thrive on interaction and connection. I’ve been missing many connections with friends who don’t want to understand me or who don’t reciprocate or have common consideration. I know it sounds like I expect friends to do the same, but when is it almost like a friend is taking advantage of your kindness and your hospitality, and then they reject you. A lot of friendships have been like that. And you’re right about expectations and nit-picking what’s wrong with friends. Because I realize, I’ve set myself up for disappointment to some degree, but still, being taken advantage of has tarnished my trust in people. Setting boundaries and learning to trust again is what I’m working on. To learn that it’s okay to say no, I’m busy, I’m working on myself and I need some time alone. I’m used to being alone, but I still yearn for one human being I can be whole with. It’s innate to want that, I guess. Thank you, Frank. Love and light.

@pantorilla6 5 лет назад

This vid is sad for me, whole subject is sad. Looking for frends is really hard for me.

@uwekirschner187 4 года назад

I know what you mean. Open up to others is probably my greatest weakness

@karenwoolley4279 4 года назад

I'm open to it, I have a close knit group so I'm golden, but a woman volunteered at the local LGBTQIA2S+ group on campus to show us how to do make up, later she facilitated finding someone to trim my wig to fig my face. She invited me to the open house for her Spa/Clinic that she started, then she said we should get together for tea so I made a time. Then she said we should do it again, so I found another time slot. Now after New Years I have a visit to the local farmers market arranged. It seems to be always about making the next planned visit for if we wait until we think of it, or feel the urge, we'll never hang out. This might not work for everyone, but it's something to try, be open to spending time with someone, if the time spent wasn't a drain arrange to meet them again, rinse cycle repeat and you may eventually have a friend.

@karenwoolley4279 4 года назад

Also I went to a how to do your makeup at a University LGBTQIA2S+ event ... like I knew no one, that was scary, volunteered to go first, took notes, Jen gave me a list of products we used and I went right to Sephora afterwards and the lady was awesome help ... that means despite being an introvert with anxiety, depression and PTSD I went into an uncomfortable situation and just took a chance.

@vincentlin7372 3 года назад

Try befriend with lonely and read some amazing book that help me, for other friend I will tell myself they are not infj therefore think differently so I will draw some boundaries and act when nedded, for me I try to examine myself took chance to be open and to be selfish so I can know my identity better for when I will be exhausted or when I will be stable,it's weird I know.

@cynthiaroman9676 3 года назад

Frank, God bless you for this and so many other videos! I'm a new subscriber but I just love you! I just discovered that I'm an INFJ and my whole life I've felt like such a lonely outsider. No matter how many friends I had or didn't have, there was always a disconnect with the world, and coming to get to know my personality type has opened up this whole new world of information that is helping me see myself more clearly and I'm so grateful for that knowledge, but I have also been going through this whole "woe is me" thing and I've been so lonely and depressed about my life path and the absence of "friends" in my life that I've kinda holed myself up in my home and have vacated the world. My husband is so sweet and so loving and I have kids that are so loving but I have this hole and I feel so down and alone and this video you just totally BLESSED ME with; this video and the truth in it is freeing for me and it would almost be a sin for me not to tell you what it has meant to me. Thank you so very much for your videos. You are funny, insightful, heartfelt and genuine and I couldn't be more grateful for your openness and ability to meet me right where I'm at and shed a little light on my path for me. God bless you Frank! From my heart, truly, be blessed and keep blessing others with your heart. #lotsofloveforyoubrother

@loref4200 4 года назад

Thank you for the reminder about volunteering. I used to sit with my elderly Papa and visit him every day. I think since he passed, being in the presence of elderly sweet souls makes me nostalgic for his presence, the ripple of his laugh, and the firm grasp of his hand in mine. Maybe you're right about getting out there again. I need to feel some discomfort to give comfort, and perhaps in return reap some joy for myself. I love your thoughts. I like your satire and mbti type videos. However, these kinds of videos, where you share your heart, really touch my soul. Wishing you love and light, Frank.

@SKnache 5 лет назад

thank you for that advise Frank, i need to lower my expectation on the search for a lifetime long friend, that helped with my anxieties

@awkwardzoltar3529 4 года назад

I have a fear of people tricking me. Nothing seems sincere, it feels like a dark cloud is over my head :’( I don’t even know how to handle attention, why would anyone give me attention for no reason?

@kouyshima6897 5 лет назад

that's just what I've been looking for. Someone to talk about this topic, that I'm passing through for years. Thanks for those great words. I really appreciate it.

@theworldneedsyou111 Год назад

Thank you so much, you are incredibly turned in to millions of people. Each person that you are connecting with and lifting up is able to do the same for others. The ripple effect. God bless you and thank you! Your idea about reaching out to the elderly or contacting nursing homes, you are correct. Remembering them on their birthday or a holiday or any day and celebrating them you get 100 times back the appreciation and love by being able to do that. The loneliness people feel, goes away-for both! The person giving is the one that ends up receiving the most. Love what you’re doing for humanity and society worldwide!💚🤗

@vibrantthorn 3 года назад

I go through life/death/life cycles with friendships. I always felt there was something wrong with me that I couldn’t keep a close knit bond for life. But life is full of those cycles. The fear that something is wrong with me is what keeps me from shining and connecting. The fear of losing something stops me from investing too much. The fear of rejection stops me from revealing my intentions. Laughing at myself reminds me that I am valid as a human.

@BetseyTrotwood 5 лет назад

I noticed that every time you say in a video: "You're probably not gonna like this, but..." it turns out that's one of my favorite videos. I also noticed that some people eneded up surprising me (in a good way) when I lowered my expectations. I like that chair: it makes you look like someone who went to grad school. ;) I'm a little worried about Timmy. Is he traveling all over Europe/ the world? Did he get lost in Sicily? If that's the case (the second one, I mean), I have to warn you that he might come back obese... Man, I'm craving Sicilian food now. Have a nice Sunday!

@wildrabbit1314 5 лет назад

Betsey Trotwood Timmy’s mom got smart and sent him to military school.

@Roguedaisey 5 лет назад

Betsey Trotwood .. maybe he is out making friends while we are here hiding in our houses feeling lonely 😂😂

@StephanieDouglassMusic 5 лет назад

Timmy's on a book tour, his publication was a smash hit! ;)

@BetseyTrotwood 5 лет назад

Wow he's so busy! Come to think of it, it was always clear he'd be going places...

@BetseyTrotwood 5 лет назад

@@Siquomb1 Chair + sweater + scarf = brain-analyzing Frank! :)

@py2396 3 года назад

Your videos has helped me so much. Sometimes whenever I do have these negative thoughts, I watch this video again and it shed so much light to my current situation. Thank you!

@heatherb6141 5 лет назад

This IS the human experience! GO on an adventure (when lonely) and practice listening and encouraging others...listen to what they really need and or what frustrates them. A friend is someone who cares...be a friend to a stranger. Experiment and discover what works.... I went to the Public Library and over heard a single Mom talking about not having anytime to read with her child. I approached her after and offered to help (open door! I shared a bit about myself and tried to avoid seeming creepy). She cried and thanked me. It was fun for me and easy to encourage her child. Kids respond best to non-hired help. I was connecting with a little human and it blessed me. I just had to care about another human and humbly offer to help. It’s easy to cut a lawn, clean a car, walk a dog...So live to serve - not be served. This opens doors & hearts! Be a friend to make a friend! Share the burdens. :) Expect some to reject help...shake it off and move on to the next. A future friend will see your heart! Be courageous, humble and relate. 💞

@meltrudeau 3 года назад

WOW! This is a true and wonderful insight! Thank you!

@el.lament 5 лет назад

I've just discovered your channel. After a few hours of binging on your videos, you've quickly become one of my favorite content creators lol. Much love from a fellow INFJ ❤️☺️

@JonasAnandaKristiansson 5 лет назад

@novaricos 3 года назад

same, here in Feb 2021!, love him and the info and humor.

@In_time 5 лет назад

Wooow.. Like this set up:) The scarf.. the chair..all you need is a cat, a roaring fire and a pipe, man (maybe even a monocle 🧐..oh and 🥃 😌) Had been waiting on this vid-good insight, thank you

@LCMontalvo 4 года назад

Thank you for your content. I’m just beginning to understand my introversion now as an adult and it does get quite lonely. I really appreciate this video & how you give a realistic view of friendship.

@ColinBurmingham 5 лет назад

Thank you Frank, great video, I agree completely. I have known a deep loneliness this year like never before even in a marriage to a good woman and have had a longing for connection and deeper more meaningful friendships so this touches my heart. I am fortunate that I have a strong faith and that my God is my best friend, always there for me and dependable. When I forget this tho I drift into self pity and loneliness. I think we are wired for connection but it takes effort to create friendships, time, energy, vulnerability, self sacrifice, change, risk etc. One step at a time hey. Your advice is good to look outwards and be patient. Your channel too has also been a real comfort to me at times so thank you. Your commenters are also amazing and I appreciate that I can share my views and although I know many will strongly disagree with them, I have never been disrespected (yet) on your channel so a big thank you to your community! Peace!

@deniserocco2963 5 лет назад

Hi friend... This was a great video. Heart to heart. One of your videos I had first watched was you saying, hi and wanting to find a friend. Hence why I open with hi friend.. Because you're not alone. People do feel so alone in the midst of friends. I think it's because people seek a deeper connection, understanding, something that is deeper even if they are nervous about that idea. Everyone is self centered for the most part. Even our phones make us self centered. More and more I see less that people care about others. I believe all relationships are opportunities for us to be better individually by learning thru our interactions. We all walk alone.. It's still what we choose to do in that moment of time. How we react. Glorify God for our blessings, sit with an 90yr old lonely person, talk with a friend who's going thru a hard time, if we are blessed we find someone who resonates with our heart. Our interaction not only helps others but it helps us. Even being around the difficult people teach us patience, to look at how we could be difficult to others. To change our outlook. Iron sharpens iron is all I needed to say. We are never truly alone. I think the unseen world influences much of our world and people have no idea how much it does. Keep the faith friend!

@baongoctran2592 4 года назад

I hope you will go through this comment, and feel something :) Frank James, I've never been so fullfilled to this state of mind, when I'm really feeling lonely right now, and I decided to find connections to help me feel better, then I think about you. When I was watching for the first few minutes, I still kinda denied you and didn't expect much, but then you're just becoming more and more, um, you're like, the real version, the reality of this person who I create in my mind to debate for things like this to help me feel more comfortable, now I feel really relieved and thankful, thank you Frank James, this is gonna take forever to show how deeply I can connect with you so I'll just stop here. P/S: I'm sorry if my words are kinda messy, I'm not a native speaker, but I have this feeling these words can go through you, well at least I hope so.. Ok, bye now.

@joypavlik3788 4 года назад

Hi Frank, I have been enjoying your content! Thank you for posting. I moved from a large city on the east coast to a small midwest town about 10 years ago. I worked, and still work, from home so I did not have a lot of opportunity to meet people and make friends locally. Like you said, adult friendships are not easy to establish. Once I became aware of a local no-kill animal shelter, I started volunteering a few hours a week, then started fostering animals, and now I am on the board of a local rescue. Volunteering usually involves specific tasks so, for me, that reduces a lot of my social anxiety. I have something to do so, if I am anxious, I can distract myself by tending to whatever task is needed. It is also a great way to get out of the house and, somewhat, out of my own head for a while. I have made a few really good friends this way. We don't have everything in common, but enough to make a real connection. As you said, these friendships took time to develop.

@Pitufo9483 3 года назад

You’re such a good guy, so genuine. It’s very refreshing! Thanks for doing what you do Frank. It’s making a difference in this world. ⭐️🔥☀️

@ketchup5344 5 лет назад

I think you are a wonderful and valuable ray of light shining through the internet 👍

@nadiachocano1361 5 лет назад

Your chair looks comfortable & This video is motivating, EXCELLENT 🤙🤙

@Ryuichirosama 5 лет назад

Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I wish you never stop making videos like that. They speak to me like I imagine the real friend I will never have would.

@CricketRodeo 4 года назад

Thank you Frank. I've been thinking about volunteering to visit elderly people but keep putting it off. You just reminded me to not put it off...could mean the world of difference to somebody who only has a few years left.

@imaginareality 3 года назад

I like to think about it pragmatically: People tend to become friends with whoever they spend time with regularly (coworkers, class mates, flat mates etc.). There are no perfect friends out there just waiting for you to find them. You have to go out, be with the same people on a regular basis over a long period of time and you will build a friendship with them (if you are willing to open up to them and let them into your life at least a little bit. This is maybe the hardest part for me but otherwise, it won't work). Sure, most or many of these friendships won't get as deep as you would maybe like, but it's always possible that there will be one person who you really connect with and then you are extra lucky. It takes me forever to feel like I have become friends with somebody (at least 6 to 8 months of seeing them regularly). I know this about myself, so I just trust that it will happen if I stick to it.

@BaraAleia 4 года назад

I noticed lately that I often feel sad and unfulfilled after I've been 'socializing'. No real connection between people anymore :'(

@uwekirschner187 4 года назад

I totally get what you say. If there is nothing we have in common with others, there is no connection. But people are diffrent. Dont give up. There ARE other people we can go along with

@lynxsaidno 5 лет назад

I needed to hear this FJ. It's such a struggle to make friends once college is over and everyone moves away, people start focusing on their careers, starting families, etc. It can be really lonely. But you are definitely right that we may hold potential friends to an overblown standard that we may write them off before even giving them a chance to shine. Real friendships take time, and we need to be patient, something I'm terrible at!

@heatherpence2145 5 лет назад

Awww Frank, I love you so much. Thank you for your videos. So wish I could meet some people like you around here. Thanks for the reminders that there are good people out there, and to keep strong and patient. Hope you feel fulfilled in your journey as well.

@maebee8468 5 лет назад

When I was living in an urban area I found myself having panic attacks regularly. I had a very rich social life, however. To mitigate the stress on my nervous system (HSP) I moved to a rural area, but now I am suffering socially. There are only a small fraction of people in my age bracket here. I have yet to meet a kindred spirit in my age bracket and I've been trying pretty consistently for 2 years. Technology is the only thing that keeps me connected to the kindred spirits I already have in my life, but long distance contact is simply not enough for me. I have not noticed a willingness amongst our generation to connect deeply and I'm not sure why that is. Yes there are many isolated elderly people, which is heartbreaking, but when they were our age they did not have this loneliness. If we can't become brave enough to connect deeply, what will our fate be by their age? It all seems deeply unfair and confusing.

@Ali08 3 года назад

Who's to say the elders haven't felt this particular loneliness? I take it you are in your 20s so it'll make sense most commenters will be young and usually trying to find themselves in the world. I'm quite sure 60 years ago if the Internet existed, some of them would be making the same comments as many on here. I've also seen a couple of comments from those 60+ on another video sharing their own stories. It's not often they do, but the newer generations isn't the only ones who feel a certain way.

@katherinewilson1853 Год назад

Something similar happened to me.

@desklamps2170 5 лет назад

I think the harder part is having close friendships. I have tons of surfacey friends who I can meet up with for particular activities, but it's a lot harder to find people who are capable and willing to connect on a deeper level. I realized the depth of my loneliness recently when my therapist asked me if I had anyone to go with me to a scary doctor's appointment and the answer was no. But there are probably at least fifty people who I'd feel comfortable asking to engage in a light-hearted hang. One thing about the internet is that it creates tons of loose ties, and those can be beneficial in a lot of ways. But it also shortens people's attention span and gives them so many friends to choose from that if you don't blow them away with your amazingness within five seconds, they've already moved on to someone else. It's like a Tinder mindset that has expanded to encompass all decision making.

@AP-bf9pe 5 лет назад

Completely agree

@shrimpcooki 5 лет назад

so true

@janettegodfrey7092 4 года назад

Hey, thanks for your great videos Frank. I watch them from my historic farmhouse and two-acre garden in rural New Zealand, where i am writing a book.... and i'm 54 by the way, not that that means much - only that i've lived through a few things i was scared might kill me - and come out the other side... i am mostly by myself and it's great to live in my own beautiful world; i usually don't have the car because my ISTP husband is away in commuter-land for long days so as a real vintage genuine infj i like your conversations and the things you talk about, now and then. About friends: After decades of loneliness, depression, sadness etc i decided to actively pursue a few people who intrigued me to see how friendships might develop. We infjs are so good at learning people, and then being true friends to them (within our boundaries)... In my experience, it takes about seven years for someone to get to know me enough to become a really close friend, and i learned to find older and younger friends than myself, even though they sometimes die, or leave town. Another (elderly) infj once said, every friend brings you something different - and its true - so that realisation frees you up to enjoy whatever someone can offer without idealising them. I've found that friends we've warmed up over time end up loving us once they get to know and trust us. Staying cool and attractive as always!

@jackiesmith2536 5 лет назад

Oh man. Thank you for this- it feels like it was made for me! I thank you good sir, Frank James.

@ai4052 4 года назад

I just started noticing these negative traits that I'm trying to break.. Setting high expectations... Having these fantasies about ppl in general.. I'm just taking it a day at a time..

@TorontoKaraokeClub 3 года назад

I'm an infp or infj. From what I learned lonliness can be partially cured if you provide tremedous love to others out of selflessness. After that you will start feeling less lonely. I hope that helps. Don't concentrate on your lonliness, but help cure other peoples lonliness.

@light5634 5 лет назад

I really love the way you disseminate the subjects you discuss. You give me facets I've missed and that's very valuable to me. I used to have huge issues in making friends, but now I have about 10 and I feel much happier - I'm a weird INFJ that was able to make really good friends and is in a place that new people like. So there's always hope for anything. Aaaand, yeah, if none of the people around me understands me about a specific quirky belief I have I sometimes feel lonely, too. But then I think of the fact that there're many other things that people do understand me about and try to lean on that.

@paulaharries62 4 года назад

I loved your wise comments Frank, I think you have a wide understanding of loneliness and the feelings associated with this dilemma. I am lucky enough to have two true friends. I don't see them as often as I would like but it's a comfort to know they are there. When I feel lonely these days I kind of just let the feelings come, and it's ok in fact the silence and solitude is becoming a comfort. The truth is also I'm tired of get togethers. Maybe I'm just getting old...I just find these times a bit repetitive, and I like it better on my own. I hope I'm not becoming arrogant in this, but it is how I feel right now and I've decided to accept it and see where it leads.Its been good to have the opportunity to express how I feel right now, many thanks. You're doing a great job , keep up the good work.☺x

@curiositydrawsme9180 3 года назад

I differentiate between *solitude* and *isolation*. Isolation, to me, feels like something that is out of balance, or unwanted, or sometimes even compulsive in the way I’m trying to avoid my life. Solitude feels like I’m diving deep into a nourishing aspect of my being. Sometimes it’s hard for me to notice when I’ve ticked over from solitude and into isolation, but I’m trying to get better at feeling for the difference.

@Christine.Baraka 5 лет назад

This was a really good one👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

@meganp8766 3 года назад

Thank you for the tip about lowering expectations. I think I needed to hear that.

@PowerMechGuyTechMasterEarl 5 лет назад

This is excellent. The whole dynamic of television really is based off friends. They train you up from childhood to be in constant search of your tribe. And it does help you hold people to ridiculously high standards. It's just hard when you realize you escaped high school with a knack for recognizing friends and not making them. We are more connected, but there are special little walls in our heads being built upon every day that keep us disconnected. Thanks for making this video. It addressed the topic as it is. And "Frank"ly, we need more of that.

@sweetdecember6657 5 лет назад

I am perfectly fine alone, all by myself. I rarely get lonely unless i miss my friends, yes, my real close friends...adulting has been harshed, you know.. separated by distance,thousand miles to make a living. I got acquaintances, a lot but i'd rather be with myself if i don't feel connected. I got hobbies anyway.

@shantifelidae6450 3 года назад

Man, You really opened my eyes. Thank you so much!

@rebeccajones6269 3 года назад

Such an awesome reminder FJ... 🥰 As an ENFP...im drawn to authentic people who also love connecting on a deeper level...but I get frustrated sometimes meeting new people.. because as much as I can do banter and small talk....I just want to skip ahead to the more meaningful chats. This video was such an important reminder for me; to acknowledge that it takes time to build any type of relationship....to cultivate a trusting and supportive space...for people to feel like they can just be themselves...😊🥰... I do also believe that we use external things including ppl sometimes..to fill the lonely void that is left....when we don't have a relationship with ourselves 🤔 Sometimes I just wish I could just meet more NFs! .. its probably the reason I'm drawn to this channel 😉🤭

@18JNL 5 лет назад

Haven't watched in awhile and this video just reminded me why I joined this frisky pony party. Thanks.

@painfreesunrise 5 лет назад

People with a real depression are hardly able to go out there meeting new people...

@AverageJoe1006 4 года назад

Dude the fucking crocery shop is already enough and to much . Meeting people is harder then ever due social media.period.

@amandathemystic1828 5 лет назад

Thank you for this Frank. I really needed to hear this because I have completely isolated myself from everyone for the past six years. You have brought up an excellent point about the fact that I'm not an ideal friend either. I'm really going to take that to heart and make a change in my life and start to reconnect with everyone.

@amandathemystic1828 5 лет назад

I see some salty person gave this video a thumbs down 😂

@singinggreywolf 5 лет назад

Hitting so many nails on the head in this video...your insights feel like the exact thoughts I’ve had about feeling lonely...except it is challenging to strike that balance between lowering your perfectionist idealist notions of what a good friend is and trying to hard to fit square pegs in round holes when it comes to trying to find just anyone to be your friend....there are certain ways in which we feel satisfied and fulfilled and truly accompanied when someone can understand or relate to us in a certain way. Part of the lack of finding that is due to culture, and part of it is more internal to people I think. To some extent I have found that I find more friends when I am more candid to people about what I’m thinking - then you will find people who share or appreciate those thoughts. But there’s also these very frustrating aspects to culture where connections or judgements go unspoken, and so you can find yourself excluded without even realizing it, or you can find yourself in some other way feeling extremely lonely while in the company of others who you aren’t connecting with. That often feels worse to me than just being alone at home, and even worse because then you feel like maybe you are trying too hard and lying to yourself that you like people who you don’t actually relate to or find very interesting or compelling in a certain kind of emotional or intellectual way that makes you feel connected. I think there is definitely something to the quality of the connection that is important, but then again when we go too long not experiencing it we can develop even more unrealistic ideas in our heads of what those quality connections really look or feel like. It’s tricky.

@ashleycnossen3157 5 лет назад

Why am I lonely when I sit in my room instead of hanging out with my friends in the kitchen? Honestly I am an awful friend.

@uwekirschner187 4 года назад

I dont think that you are an awful friend. In a few hours i go to a party. I can tell you with almost 100 percent, that at some point if it is too much for me (and that will be🙂) im sperate myself for period of time from the group. But is that making us awful friends? I dont think so. If your friends are true ones, they will accept you just the way you are

@andraste6746 5 лет назад

Are you just disappointed that you’ve moved and Kramer isn’t your next door neighbour? I think it is very human to want connection with people. One of the great things about social media is that you can find people who are interested in things you are and bond with them over niche things. You are right that real life friendships take time to develop and can be really hard to cultivate. It’s worth it when you find people that become good friends though.

@wildrabbit1314 5 лет назад

Goddess Andraste hahaha. Kramer would keep things interesting alright!

@ac85450 5 лет назад

i love that your profile is charlotte bronte

@andraste6746 5 лет назад

Alexis Carter I love Charlotte.

@ac85450 5 лет назад

@@andraste6746 lol same!

@May-sy1uo 5 лет назад

this is so freaky because I’m going through this riGHT now. thank you, Frank

@ampa4989 4 года назад

This must be very helpful to some people. Very, very insightful and wise. I am an INTJ and never ever lonely. Ever. But I can imagine the sadness if you wanted companionship and had none. Kudos to Frank for trying to help those in need with really practical yet philosophical ways of looking at and doing things. Really mean it.

@johnnyblaze2257 3 года назад

I don’t get lonely, I get bored!

@laurasandford5931 5 лет назад

Chicken sink bathing ftw 👍 This is Laura Sandford by the way. Changed my username today because my videos aren’t good enough yet that I would want my work contacts to enjoy them 😂 Isn’t setting ridiculously high standards one of the key INFJ traits? I guess at least we know what we want (most of the time) and we won’t take a lot of BS. Helps with self-preservation.

@misslovejoy1665 7 месяцев назад

Hey Frank, thirty-something ENFP here who's struggling with all of this for about three years now. Thank you for this video and especially for setting the record straight when it comes to expectations and all kind of unrealistic fantasies we NFs seem to have at times. I feel like I have had a therapy session and I'm far more relaxed now, haha. THANK YOU.

@RubyRobbins88 5 лет назад

You have much wisdom Frank. I needed this, especially today.

@desaturated-firefox 5 лет назад

But how DO you lower your expectations? This is a recurring problem for me. I don't feel particularly lonely (I don't have many friends but those I have are good friends) but I encounter this in other contexts. My expectations for many things seem to be unreasonably high but I can't get them down no matter how often they are not met. I mean I can clench my teeth and accept it, but it never gets any less frustrating and unsatisfying.

@martincichocki9908 5 лет назад

Great subject matter & discussion. I have almost no friends & I'm resigned to that fact. No, I'm not in a Turkish prison, but the lonely mind can be an unpleasant reality. "Live long & prosper, FJ."

@KarinaMcKoy Год назад

I know this is one of your older videos (I’m a relatively new follower), but I really love these introspective ones. This one in particular, resonates.

@FrankJames Год назад

Awesome! Thank you!