Well thank you TikTok for recommending this. If you ever look for guests, I’d be happy to share my story as well as someone who served in ministry while struggling with their sexuality for a long time
20:44 This hit so hard. That has been the hardest part for me as I have come out 2 years ago. I feel like everyone in my church sees me now as broken or damaged. Something to feel sorry for. And what can I say? I felt like I must have done something wrong then to be this way. Feeling disgusting, a monster that now can no longer be the man of god everyone expected me to be. And it’s hard. I still have to remind myself tbh that I’m not that.
Yes you're more than a man of God You're a great man of God because you're willing to face your faith and meet your God personally that is okay that is where I came You try to conform to their way of God and it will damage you because they're heterosexual. Or maybe there another gay person hiding but don't let it bother you just remember it takes more strength to do what you're doing than to conform and play like your righteous for the sake of righteousness sake Jesus was a historical figure and these men that wrote most of the Bible they had an agenda but you have to meet Jesus where he is and he never said nothing about gay people he actually spoke about eunuchs You need to read about the eunuchs my friend. I'm 63 and I went through hell too but you keep going because we've worked so hard and you're part of us and you're part of them and we're showing them what true love is unconditional love okay we love you unconditionally. Hang in there it will get better. ❤❤❤❤
@@kimsteinke713 yes I second that. You are not alone in that Boat...its a beautiful colourful boat going beautiful places with stop offs where ever you like:) enjoy YOUR journey. it is YOUR life that is the gift
Thank you so much for sharing! It’s so encouraging to hear someone share about their story and also be close to God at the same time while walking through that process. It’s not easy but I love that that people like us exist who have found peace with our maker and who we are 🙏🏼
I'm so happy this popped up as a recommended vlog. Your story was nearly identical to mine, at least the growing up part (down to the family meeting because dad found gay porn on his computer). 🙂 I am a pastor's kid as well. In grade school I was alienated by the other boys, I was made fun of, teased, called every gay epithet known to mankind when all i wanted was a best friend. It made me become VERY introverted. I attended Christian elementary school so teachers would have meetings with my parents out of concern because I was more effeminate than any other boy. One "teacher" (none of them had a college education) suggested having me go through deliverance at the age of 10. In my late teens I tried to pray the gay away by becoming involved in youth leadership and I also got involved doing 1 month long mission trips to India, the Philippines, Israel, etc. I didn't find my way out of this mess until after high school. I'm so happy we both survived and living happily as our true selves and I'm grateful RU-vid suggested this podcast.
This is powerful. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your experience. It is amazing to put a story like this for others to relate and connect with.
By ten or so I knew I was different from other kids. By thirteen I heard the word homosexual and I Knew then what it was. I tried to fit in but at eighteen my best friend asked what was going on and I told her I was gay. Thank you JOy for asking. It took a few years but I came out to everyone. This culture really makes it hard for those who don't fit the norm. At seventy now and happily married to my husband for twenty-nine years.
i had conversion efforts in my teens too. my family could never make up their mind between me having a disease or me being villain either. According to perfect doctrine, all sin is a choice. so gay cannot be a disease or a genetic condition or anything that i didnt consciously decide upon myself. but it was so obvious it wasnt a choice to myself and very shortly them too that they couldnt rationallise it and they never really tried. All they knew was fear and hate. and gay people directly threaten them. Thank you for your story.
Thank you for sharing your story. The more of us that come out in Evangelical Land, the sooner others there will come to realize we're already there, and we're queer not due to "grooming," but that's because it is who we are. And when we are a peace with that, we can be fully whole and live into the temporal and eternal stuff.
Thank you for sharing your story, Nate. For what it's worth, I am a little over twenty years past my own version of your story... I was very conscious of my sexual orientation but tried really hard to be what everyone around me expected. My thinking was 'I'll find the right girl, and it'll be okay', but I never felt comfortable or confident around any guys. I got married, it wasn't good... but, we stayed married because (among other things) we were very involved in the church, and I didn't believe that marriage was something to give up on. Skip the details of the end, etc., but after it ended and I came to terms with who I was, everything fit better.... and, I was more confident with both gay and straight men because I was at peace with ME. Ironically, my being open and honest with who I am made it easy for a lot of other men to talk to me about who they were. At first, it was a little shocking, but I now 'get' that there are far more men out there who are struggling with who they are attracted to than you might realize. I am glad I've given so many someone honest and open to talk to about themselves. Nate, something tells me that you can be another like that!
Nate, Just found your pod, thank you. I was raised Conservative Baptist, and I can so relate to your story. I am older than you, and back in the 50s, nothing was mentioned about gay. I look forward to your future podcasts.
I really resonate with what you're saying about finding comfort in accepting you don't have all the answers and you're not supposed to, and just chasing that pure and holy thing when you see it even when it's not where the people in authority said it would be.
Thank you for sharing your story Nate! Congrats on coming out 🎉🎉 I’m someone who has left the evangelical circle and come out as well. It’s hard to navigate but sending much love and uplifting support 🫶🏼
Your story makes me feel so SO lucky! Despite growing up in a semi-rural town in the West, I was spared its religion so never had to deal with the issues which plagued you. Indeed, my family was almost universally accepting and supportive from the get go. I so admire your coming through your challenges to emerge as what's obviously a happy, caring man.
I so relate to all the feelings and struggles Nate described. A different family and generation, of course, but so familiar. Years of converson therapy and shame so hard to unpack.
Thank you for telling your story. When you talked about feeling rejected and lonely, it was like hearing my own words that I've been saying all my life. Other people don't understand when I talk about rejection and how it feels, but you understand what that feels like. I've been rejected SOOOO many times in my life I can't even count. I'm a lesbian and I've never been in a relationship and I'm 40. Women are not interested in me. I want more than anything to be in a relationship.
i LOVED THIS SO MUCH AND CAN RELATE TO IT IN SUCH A DEEP LEVEL, I'M STILL FIGHTING TRAUMA AND TRYING HARD TO ACCEPT MYSELF AS GAY, I KNOW I AM, I JUST CAN'T SHAKE A FEELING OF GUILT AND SHAME YET. THANK YOU FOR SHARING.
Your story reads a lot like mine in so many ways. I am not a PK and I finally came out as bi to my wife of 37 years, our four kids and my two closest friends. They are all very accepting... well, except my wife, so understands but no longer wants to be married to me. I tried my whole life to be straight, too, and I so understand the running your life thru a filter deal. I, too, have trained myself to walk, talk and act as straight as possible. I'm ready to be the real me for the time I have left (I am 66). I loved my wife and am so grateful for my grown kids, but I feel tremendous grief for not experiencing what you should feel in a relationship. I would give anything for a friend like you, so I am ready to take on my new life, upsetting everything I've ever known or been. I, too, am a Christian and believe that God created me like this for a purpose. I'm out to discover that now, so wish me luck!
I just found your podcast and I’m so excited to binge the whole thing. Nate, your energy is so pure and genuine and loving. I wish you all the happiness in the world. Your story is heartbreaking and you are so strong and deserve LOVE. You’re an awesome person.
Thanks for sharing your story, that is brave and powerful. So sorry to hear about your conversion therapy experience (I am assuming at at Bethel) that is not ok and doesn't work. Nothing therapeutic about that at all. Glad to see you are in a much better place of self acceptance. Deconstruction/coming out can be so hard but so worth it in the end of it all!
Thank you for sharing and for this channel. I NEED it. My first and only true love is Jesus. I also can no longer lie. It seems equally insane to deny my queerness as it would to deny my faith. Both are just my lived experience with ups and downs, break throughs and doubts. All of which seem to point to God loving all of us as we are. It's so hard to find community being queer and fully in love with a supernatural Christ. Most groups or environments seem to make me choose between the two in some way. It hurts so much because Jesus is who has saved my life over and over, encouraging me be open about who I am. Always telling me to love myself in order to love others.
Conversion therapy in a nutshell: "Therapist": "Ok so let's try addressing the things that I believe influenced you to be gay and those beliefs are totally based on my religious bias and not at all based on scientific research but ya let's do it anyway." Client: "Ok ya I addressed all those things and I'm still gay." "Therapist": "Ah I see. Well I guess there's no other options left but torture!"
Nate, Its late ..... I will post a copy of a comment I sent to Sasha Domansky .... I would enjoy connecting with you! Let me know! All the best! I connected with much of what you shared. I did experience a miracle! Yet I was and have always and still am kinsey6 gay! All the best, Perry Sasha, thank you for sharing! Your story caught my eye because you mentioned being Russian. My dad was passionately anti-communist and taught me to love eastern European and Russian culture. Briefly ..... I am 69, I knew I liked guys when I was 5yrs old and liked the tan, blond, blue-eyed, crewcut, lean, muscular teen basketball players knees and how he crossed his legs and was embarrassed that he would see me staring at him and when the ladies in the church would tell my mom "oh sister Kent, he is darlin (me in my white long-sleeve shirt with cufflinks and a bowtie) and then they would ask me "well now, who's yore gurfreund?" (and I would think ..... I DONT WANT A GIRL FRIEND, I WANT JOHNNY TO BE MY FRIEND - the basketball player) and I knew for certain, it was something I had to hide, when I was embarrassed and ashamed that my cousin would know I liked the teenager Sandy on Flipper and my face got hot when his dad would take his shirt off. Oh my! Anyway ..... way too many details to go thru. I did not date girls and did not get into the gay world of the late 1960's or 1970's. I am a preachers kid. My parents were very generous when they "suspected" I liked guys. They never said a word, just encouraged my guy friendships (all platonic, on their part ..... but not on mine ..... sigh!). In 1976 I left Louisiana and joined a hippie Jesus people Church community. Watch Jesus Revolution! That is what I wanted to see happen to the church I grew up in even though my dad was a generous man he was a pastor in a conservative denomination. I believe his best trait was his desire to bring all the arguing christians together. That point of view opened our family to catholics, baptists, methodists, pentecostals, seventh day adventists, etc. His generousity toward black folks also helped me escape Jim Crow south untainted. I can agree with you that many christians have lost sight of who Christ is. They cannot see that they are the pharisees not followers of Christ. Watch "The Chosen" Angel network. I believe that Jesus is the closest depiction of the Christ of the cross that embraces ALL! At 21 in the Jesus Hippie Church community in Ohio, heaven opened and this girl ..... this girl just "appeared" before me. It was as if I had never seen a girl before. We became best friends. With full disclosure she married me in 1979. When you really love a person you do not have to be attracted to their physiology and in males testosterone is amazing stuff and when you have someone who is willing to "help you" learn how to have sex with a girl even when you are not attracted or arroused by the female body. I literally married my "gay guys" girlfriend who loved me in part because she liked the gentle, non-macho gay guy I was (very masculine like you but ..... still a man lovin man). She felt safe with me and loved that I did stuff like sew, knit, paint canvas along with working on cars and being a mechanic and being a scientist ..... seriously I have had 5 successful "careers" because she encouraged and believed in me. She never put me down or expected me to become straight (I did ..... but she didn't). She just asked me to be faithful. Anyway she died July 9th 2022. I have been working thru my "gayness" .... I actually "forgot" I was gay because I just loved her and was committed to her ..... for the last 2 years. It has been difficult. The church I was a part of for 47 years no longer talks to me or relates to me. My sister has turned my extended family in Kentucky, Tennessee, Arkansas and Louisiana against me. I understand what you are talking about. No one has beaten me up physically but for sure mentally. One of the best things that has happened to me is being connected with "The Reformation Project" Matthew Vines. I am bit like you ..... I could not reject Christ. I have loved Jesus since I was 3 or 4. He is my source of value ..... I know I have worth even when I fail because of the cross of Christ. Christ left safety and security to come and show me how valuable I was. He died that I may have life and have it more abundantly! No one else, not even Cherrie my wife has done that ..... I must have inestimable value for Christ to do that for ME! That has changed my life. I would encourage you to check out Reformation Project's Kathy Baldock's survey of "how we got here" and other talks from Reformation Project seminars. The Reformation Project has demonstrated solid Biblical rational for the church being affirming of gay persons and gay relationships. God does not hate us. The conservative church has gotten it wrong! You mom has been taught hatred in the name of Christ. Just as segregationists were taught to despise people of color .... in the name of Christ! Both are unBiblical positions! Let God and God's word be true and all else false! God loves us! In Matthew 19:11-12 Jesus claims to that HE made eunuchs (persons who are physiologically able to consumate a marriage, but do not have the desire)! He made us for a purpose! Hang in! Great to meet you and hear your story! All the best! Perry
I struggled with the same thing growing up, if only podcast like this was available back then, i would not feel like i was the only gay kid in the world
I applaud you for the transparency of your story, you´re brave and hot af. I cannot however identify with your story at all, not being a religious person. I don´t understand religion, I don´t know how some people are willing to believe in something that doesn´t accept them for who they are. A religion that talks about loving others BUT ONLY if they are within the lines of their beliefs. There are so many wrongs, in my opinion, with religion and not very many good things. So, good for you and everyone else who believes in all of that. If it makes you a better person, I am happy. And good luck with your new project.
No matter what, Jesus loves you more than you can imagine. Dont ever let anyone steal that fact from you. He knows you, he loves you, and he promises never to leave you or forsake you. I tried to be straight, too.
That's a nice sentiment and all, but I've never met Jesus let alone had him tell me that he knows and loves me, so how exactly can you proclaim it to be a fact? And no, "a book told me so" isn't proof.
@@scottmoore7588 it's a fact for them and it's a fact for me. If it's not your truth then there is no judgement at all. You shouldn't believe in something you haven't experienced. Often we can't experience something spiritual if we don't want to or are not willing to. If you want our experience of Jesus, then I would encourage you to seek a relationship with the one on the cross in private. Prayer if you will. Talking in your mind and/or out loud as sincerely as you can, asking all your questions, doubting, cursing, lamenting etc. Just you and well...nothing, at least at first. Keep going and also, learn to be silent enough to listen for the answer. Think like a conversation, not a lecture. This takes time. I won't be so bold to promise anything will happen, but he did. I will just "testify" that it's true for me. Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened. The 2 sections of books in the christian bible are called testaments because that's what they are, not an infallible rule book. They testify to the reality of God and God's love as manifest in history and interpreted by fallible people. The written testimony along with a living person doing the same is the most basic form of spreading the simple truth that God loves you and would rather die forgiving you than punish or alienate you. Nothing you have ever done or will do, can separate you from the love of God. Church and dogma are man-made and mostly screwed up. Jesus is real, alive and loves us. Queer, straight, religious, atheist...whatever...everybody. Hope this helps and it's heard as the invitation it is. I'm not saying you have to have this relationship to get out of hell. If hell ever existed, it's defeated. If death was just rotting in the dirt, Christ made the way for resurrection. All of that is well outside of physical proof I know and you don't even have to believe it IMHO. That's where the weird and wild reality of the Spirit comes in. It's not an empirical external fact, as much as, personal experience we wrestle with our whole lives. Not to torment us, but to bring us into greater love and peace that surpasses all understanding. Love and peace the world needs.
I hear on the daily from Jesus' PR team what a monster and horrid person I am, for who I am. Never met this Jesus fellow, he always seems to be out of the office when I try and visit. Since I've never met Jesus, only his representatives, I must draw my conclusions about Jesus' opinion of me from his representatives. If Jesus really loves me, he needs a better PR team.
@@sarah_757 Yeah, it's funny that Jesus or god or whatever apparently loves us and wants a relationship with us but can't be bothered to show up and tell us this himself. Cuz you know, I've never had a relationship with anything else that wasn't able to communicate with me, so why would I make an exception for god?
"Pastors don't know everything." I'd go as far as to say that they don't _anything._ They're so disturbingly obsessed with god that they probably think 1+1=god.
At 12 years old reading Old Testament found other forms of marriage acceptable to God Polygamy or Covenant of Maidservants multiple wives where we get the 12 tribes of Israel is also Same Gender Marriage for females Covenant of Manservants male same gender marriage practiced by Abraham and Isaac and Jacob are David and Jonathan CLUE, Why did Abraham have to send one of his Manservants to get a wife(with maidservants) to marry Isaac???? Why was Isaac so slow to marry the opposite gender??? ISAAC LOVED his Manservants or Husbandmen❤
My late father was a preacher, but my parents didn't have a lot of expectations for me other than school because I was born disabled. Because I couldn't do most things like other people my age, growing up, my only real concern was as a teenager in the middle 90s that my father might be spying on me through my laptop. Fortunately, that turned out to not be happening in reality, even though he made me think he would. I don't think it ever entered the minds of my parents that their youngest, and disabled, son wouldn't be straight. Being bisexual made it a tiny bit easier to hide, I must admit. I never reached a stable point in life before both my parents died years ago. I'm not religious, not an atheist, but I find people who aren't driven away from religion fascinating when a lot of us grow up being almost beaten over the head with the belief that we are Hell spawn Evil and deserve death. I'm one of the younger members of Gen X and grew in Texas, so that probably makes my experience somewhat different. :) Maybe it's because I'm disabled, but my sexuality is not one of the things of which I have ever been ashamed.
I'm a lesbian Christian. When you were telling your story I kept sayng this sounds exshausting what he went through, what these Christians made him believe. It's so unnecessary for them to think that way
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sorry that you had to go through such a horrible experience with church leaders doing their best to make you be straight. I can see that you really tried and I commend you for sharing and being vulnerable. My only question is how is the path you have now chosen supported by the scripture? Can you really say that the bible supports homosexuality? Are we really going to pretend that 1 Corinthians 6:9, 1 Timothy 1:10, Romans 1:26 and Leviticus 18:22 don't speak against the lifestyle of homosexuality? I myself wrestle with these desires but I have chosen not to indulge in this because I believe God's word is true and he has called me to surrender my desires over to him and become a living sacrifice. My life isn't my own and he has not called me to seek my own pleasure but His will. Whether I choose to stay single, marry a woman or wait on God, my goal is to please him and not myself. Jesus isn't calling us to be straight but to be holy. That's where there is confusion. People may think it's a miserable life surrendering one's sexuality and desires over to God but this is the life we're called to live as followers of Christ. Forsaking the flesh and living by the Spirit. Jesus demonstrated it best by surrendering his entire life on the cross. He sought not His own will but the Father's will. And we are to follow his example.
Listened to your whole story and was sad that your brand of Christianity treated who God made you so poorly. I was raised Catholic, went to Catholic school form 1st grade thru graduate school. I never experienced what you did. Sure we were told to love gay people but not the "acts" hahaha Well that's one place the church is wrong. You kept stating being Christian.....that is not ALL Christians, but then some brands of Christianity don't see the Catholic church as being true Christians. I have great faith in God who made me who I am, I have a deep connection to Jesus etc. No God would make a human being just to toy with his sexual nature. Glad to hear your faith is still strong and you saw the failings of the brand of Christianity you grew up in. GREAT WORK!! and yes, you are VERY good looking haha
Granted there are people that transitioned from homosexuality for Christ and there are those who are Christians that remain homosexuals. Salute to both of you.
You were treated badly by hypocritical , religious zealots ? Wow , I can't believe it ! These cults have their own petty social dynamics and don't just victimise gay people . They have a whole plethora of prejudices .
I am so happy for every LGBTQ+ person who has the great fortune of growing up in a family that is free of religious humbug. The bad thing is that many people own a Bible, but never read it... then their eyes would be opened to who they are worshiping. I have dealt with theology for 50 years, and for me it is clear and crystal clear... all religions are created by people "Sects and cults have only one goal: to maintain influence, power and wealth through the oppression of their fellow human beings. There are so many criminals in the ranks of the clergy, in the past and even today. Spinoza said: Religions are the asylum for the stupid...that's how I see it too....and as long as there are stupid people, all superstitions will not disappear...unfortunately
He looks and sound very hetero so it can't be that bad for him. He might be rejected by closed minded straight society but he'd be getting so much love from the gays for being attractive and straight-looking. It's a strange double standard in the gay world. You are more supported and loved the more you resemble "normal" people.
But why be Christian or any other type? There's nothing behind it. The only real reality admitted is that it's all belief. None of it is in knowledge as the natural world is.
Hey Nate and Susie I don’t like to offend anybody especially if that person doesn’t deserve it but you guys are aware of the fact that homosexuality is a blasphemy to God and if in the Bible nowhere does it that homosexuality is a choice or your born homosexual- why you might wonder- because God created us humankind for man and woman to mate with each other- not the other way- think about it- if homosexuality was okay with God he would’ve said so in the Bible- because in case you don’t know the Bible was written by God for us to use as a guide from him to us- I’m sorry if I offend anyone but God knows because his God and created everything seen and unseen
Hey Rosemary. Before you tout what is a “blasphemy to God”. What’s the Hebrew translation of blasphemy mean? Are you aware that wearing mixed fabric is a blasphemy? Jews eating with Egyptians was considered a blasphemy. Eating shellfish is a blasphemy? Are you aware of those things. If you’re not arguing against those things that are also blasphemous and God is concerned about blasphemy then do you condemn those equally? The Bible doesn’t say that homosexuality is a choice which is all the more reason why it shouldn’t be condemned. Gay people didn’t choose to be attracted to who they are attracted to. I’m assuming you’re straight, did you choose to be straight or did that happen naturally? And that’s bad logic. Just because something isn’t in the Bible doesn’t mean that it’s outlawed. The Bible is silent on me making up my bed every morning. The Bible is silent on whether I should eat lunch at 12 vs 1:30. The Bible is silent on what specific job I should work at. Just because the Bible didn’t specifically mention something is not therefore implied that it is outlawed. The purpose of the Bible is to point us to the nature of God - that he is loving, kind, merciful and just. Everything in the Bible is not meant to be taken literally. And if you believe that then talk to me about how you’re obeying all 613 Old Testament laws? Even the woman caught in adultery, Jesus never condemned here. I doubt you’re coming in “love” as you said because you don’t have a personal relationship with anyone here. Worry about your own souls salvation and the stuff you’re doing that’s abominable to God
@@Ashdaesq well I’m not going to worry about my salvation because as a Christian God commands us to preach the gospel- and I don’t know where you got that Jews eating with Egyptians is blasphemous and so is shellfish but none of that is true- but you know what is? Killing a fellow human being, blaspheming Holy Spirit, homosexuality, adultery and practicing witchcraft-and all I can say is that homosexuality is not a choice and God created humankind for man to mate with woman- as for matrimony to be between man and woman
Hey Rosemary, I don’t like to offend anybody even if that person deserves it, but you are making us aware that you have not done more than a cursory, shallow look at what the Bible says or doesn’t say on this topic. If you’re actually interested in learning about this topic (like genuinely interested in learning more of Gods love and less of using hate in his name) then I would suggest starting with in-depth biblical scholarly research on the topic including the book “God and the Gay Christian” as well as the documentary now available called “1946”. Good luck!!
@@Raddiebaddie well first of all I’m not spreading hate- and yeah your right God is love- or why else would he have sent Jesus Christ to be crucified to save all humankind? But yeah it’s also in the Bible that homosexuality is a blasphemy to God- not my words but Gods word- now that you dislike is something else but as a Christian God commands to speak of the gospel and sadly for you that includes homosexuality
