First Time Hearing Hate Me by Blue October | Suicide Survivor Reacts 

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I recently been released from prison because of drugs. Ive been out 1yr and a month. Im clean now 4yrs. This song hits every nerve. Cause I too lost my mom 2 weeks before i got locked up. I wish she could have seen me sober. Even though I'm clean now, I still live in her shame. Its hard to move on , i get this guys pain. Never goes away.

The cool thing about Blue October is the evolution of their music shows the evolution his recovery. Most recent recordings are fantastic

I saw this song a lot different then you. He wants her to hate him because he knows he is not good for her. He loves her and that is the reason he choose to be sober. He also knows he needs to find himself before he can move forward. If he was still with her, he may hurt her more and could put him back in to the darkness. Best to be hated and not hurt them more.

If you haven't heard it, "Fear" by blue october is a great one. Personally "Not Broken Anymore" by Blue October saved me. Found out my wife was pregnant with our first and the next day that song hit the net and i just listened to it on loop. Realized the kid would need his dad and it helped me snap out of it.

Blue October is so underrated. Been listening for 20yrs and have been to a dozen concerts. The story telling and evolution of music is masterful.

This was my aunt Laura's favorite song. I remember her playing this on the radio in the kitchen, while the cousins and I played together. She passed away in September from terminal cancer, at the age of 44. 5 years prior, she had lost her son, my cousin Nicholas. He was 19. This song hits differently now. I can't help but cry whenever I hear it; I will forever connect this song to my aunt. Thank you for this reaction 🫶🏻

That band has changed my life for the better....I hope you do more of their music

I've listened to this song many times because it speaks to the fractured relationship I have with my mother and our shared addiction to alcohol that tore my family apart. Undoubtedly, this reaction popped up in my feed because I've listened to the song many times on many dark nights. More than hearing your thoughts about the song, I heard a timely message that was much needed in the moment. You have a new fan! Thanks for being so candid and insightful. I can't wait to see more of your content.

my mom lost her battle with mental health July 20th 2023, this song was the first real thing that made me process her passing and gave me my first, real, big cry over it. i had to be strong for my older sisters and for my moms loved ones and so i packed all my feelings away until i made her memorial video to play at her funeral, and this song was one of three i used .... and i broke. i always loved this song growing up, but now ... now i have a whole new love for this song!

I haven't heard this song in years. And man, did it mess me up. I have a special kind of friendship with someone. She's a devout Catholic, and we've spend many nights talking for hours about all sorts of topics and she's never gotten upset or disgusted by the things I've said and she's always been the most loving person I know. So that line about not doubting opinions on suicide and hate and making me compliment myself hit me like aa truck. Cuz she always does this. This and Jesus Christ by Brand New are some of the very few songs that hit me like that. Thank you for reminding me about this song.

I've always loved this song since it came out. But this, honestly, is my first time watching the mv. I interpret it as a story of him committing suicide/OD'ing and his spirit walking through his childhood home looking back on all the good memories he made in it, carrying the answering machine that had the last message from his mother on it, who was probably the only consistent person in his life at least to him. Then asking his mother to hate him, hate him "in ways hard to swallow", so she can forget about him and see that she can still live happily. Truly an amazing song and music video.

I live in St. Louis, Mo, and somewhat recently a beloved cornerstone in St. Louis radio named Jeff Burton died after a lengthy battle with cancer. Jeff was one of the first radio DJ's to play this song when it was released. Him and the band have had a strong relationship since. A couple weeks after his death Blue October dropped everything to play for free and with all the ticket sales going to Jeff's wife and kids here in STL. It was beyond emotional. Justin Furstenfeld, the lead singer played this song at the show. Just him and an acoustic guitar. I was there for it and I swear, not a dry eye in the entire house.

i always ,,, always,,, have watering eyes listening to that song

this song is a bit of a mystery to me, im 60 now i started learning quarterstaff (a form of martial arts) when i was about 10 or 11 years old and have always worked with my hands so there quite callused when my father died.. one night when i was out i went to a beach i could turn up my stereo and practice i did this song and wore blisters on my hands before it was over.. my family was a bit dysfunctional but i 've always gotten along with my parents very well so it's a mystery to me that it happened.. funny thing... compared to my life now those were the good ol days

Such a personal song with epic lyrics. Thanks for sharing.

Light you up is amazing. The live performance was so full of passion and honesty

This song always makes me cry. Currently sitting in my car bawling.

This song is like 20 years old now. When I first heard it, I was reminded of a relationship that I was not good at. I found the song again about a year ago when someone hurt me. She is an alcoholic and a bad person. I saw past that I saw the beautiful person inside, but she put her defenses up and ran. The bad person she is won and I suffered. I've finally moved on and am not in a drak place. I have a new job, new hobby and am leaving the past behind.

Favorite song from Blue October. So meaningful and emotional. Great reaction.

Im 54 years old. I spent 36 years of my life trying to find the love i didnt receive in the first 18 years of my life. I was a pawn of war between my birth parents, and was made to feel like a piece of disgusting filth by the mother who raised me... my dad's second wife. I hated her son because he had something i never felt that he did: a family. The women i sought i thought would give me what i was missing, the family i never had, but i never took the time to find out who i am as a person. I was never able to want the best for those women during or after our relationships because i was too wrapped up in what i was losing, had lost, or wasn't allowed to have. I felt more like he does in The End, and not like he does in this song, hate me, go away, be happy, find what you really deserve, because it isnt me, because there is no happiness with me. Im in therapy now, and have learned that very important lesson about myself, and am now trying to find my happiness now. The problem is that there is so very much pain there, so much so that i dont know if ill ever find it.

Hes saying hate me because i dont deserve your love and for you to go through what you go through for me. That all i do is hurt you and will always hurt you cause i cant see a way to change myself. That if you hate me your life will be better not watching me self destruct in a loop

We all love your honesty ❤️ ♥️ 💕

When I listen to this song I experience it through a lens from my dad’s perspective. It reminds me that my Dad loves me, but he suffers and isolates when hes in active addiction cause he remembers the hurt he’s caused.

This has been one of my favourite songs since it came out and even now as a grown 35 year old man I still get tears in my eyes listening to this. Personally I haven't gone through any addiction like this, but I when I was younger I went through a very bad drinking and party phase where I will disregard everyone around me including my own safety, drinking and driving and arriving home near passed out drunk at 4am in the morning, so what I get from this song is how my actions can hurt those I love and that sometimes it feels better to just leave them behind, and with him telling his mom to hate him instead because it will make her life better and easier, that is such a strong message. When he says "as I saw your blue eyes cry, and I held your face in my hands" is something that will break me as a son. My mom asked me once "how could you do this to me?" and honestly it shattered my heart.

Black Orchid is a great track of theirs, really gets to me. Especially the line "But maybe life's not for everyone". Big oof feels. Takes me back to being in the hospital with my mum explaining to the person that gave me life why I so badly tried to take it.

That was a real message from his mum on the machine. Heartbreaking song

thank you so much. you've just saved my life

the song is basically... your life would be easier if you didnt love me

I know it's been a while since I've commented, working on things on the inside. Totally forgot about this song, thank you for doing this one. It hits even harder now than it did back then, since things are... clearer, these days.

Quiet mind, Ugly side, Amazing, Ill hope your happy, sway, x amount words. All greatness. JUSTIN IS THE BEST

Nice LOTR quote! You look amazing today❣😍 The only song I like by this group. Not a positive song initially but pretty good once you open your mind and listen.

Paljon kiitoksia. (Thank you) for being so articulate with your reaction. It's refreshing.

Awesome reaction! Ren “Crutch” and “Depression” are pretty deep songs too, pertaining to mental health.

I want people to hate me so it wouldn’t hurt them as much when I let them down. When I lash out. When I isolate. When I turn selfish. When I destroy my life, they won’t sink with me.

second verse pretty much always has me in tears

This song is very autobiographical for the singer Justin, and since then he has been in a really good place. Lots of support from others, including his mother. But this song is a very real story for him.

I bought this CD when I was depressed and I dedicated this song to my mom. I played it for her and we listened to it my bedroom. We cried together and I told her that I was done with everything. I’m 38 now and I cannot believe I’m still alive and have a beautiful life. Trust me if I could make it out of a dark place. So can you! Just get out of your mind and find beauty. Trust me God has a way of showing you things that you’re heart closed off to.

I no longer take meds for my metal health. I can't because they just made me feel nothing. No pain but no happiness either. Blue October is a band that has helped me more than medication ever has. Hearing someone put into song feelings I deal with daily has helped me more than therapy or drugs.

Blue October is one of my favorite bands and Justin is a very different person now. Whether on your channel or alone, watch his more recent live performances with his daughter Blue.

This song has always resonated with me since I first heard it back around high school. Pushing people way seems to be my default way of coping. It's something I know I need to work on. BTW, are you familiar with Icon For Hire? I think their music would be great for this channel. Thanks for making this channel and keeping the conversation around mental health going. You're doing important things and helping people like me feel less alone 💜

The "Johnny Cash version" of this song is phenomenal. Its a stripped down, slowed down, more soulful, acoustic version. Justin has a really great voice.

Hello Amanda :) thanks for the helping smile

I don't have anxiety. I don't have depression. I haven't had a hard upbringing. I don't have any disorders or mental health issues. ....this song makes me cry... every. Single. Time. I. Hear. It. (Eapecially the line "as she whispers 'How could you do this to me?'")

I am now an older man or maybe middle age is better description. I still remember the first time I heard this song, The exact spot etc. Thank you for doing this reaction!! This song to this day is a favorite!!!

This song makes me sad it starts making me thinking about how I destroyed my mom's happiness. It's hard we never sat down & talked about it. I blame myself for ruining her chance at happiness. I was only 16 years old when it all started. When I finally spoke out I was 17. At times I regret saying anything If I could've have moved away maybe it never would've happened. It's not the same situation but the pain still there.

Greatest Love Song Ever. Awesome assessment. Very intuitive. Made me think. TY

You missed his moms voice at the end. Reaching out to him cuz she was concerned his mental state. I cry as soon as I hear her voice

i Dont care people said Justin fake all his depression, this band is my saviour. i wont be here typing if I wasn't find them back on 2016. This band literally save my life during the lowest time of my life. all the emotion, all the lyric, all the desperate scream that I can feel, all the crying night with Blue October bring back my life. Justin's emotion is one thing that stand out, he is not singing, he tells you his story with all of his heart. Every album tell the recovery story, self-blaming, denial, acceptance, turning point, until finally acknowledge yourself. This is pure genius. you have to listen to "Fear", especially the live version

You are a ray of light keep up the fight!!!

I've watched a lot of reactions to this song & a lot don't quite get it right, but you didn't question what it meant. You understood and explained in a way that was honoring to the song.

Nov 5th. Come down to Tucson and watch them live with us...

Every song is amazing. Love love this band

I understand this song all too well. I have a wife and three beautiful kids, all of whom I feel that I continue to fail. No matter how hard I try, the memories of the very bad things I experienced and witnessed when I was a child relentlessly creep into my entire being and consume me. I've tried everything to rid myself of it over the years, but the disturbingly graphic images of my childhood memories that have awakened me on a nightly basis for most of my life, still haunt my mind and I don't know how to make it stop. My nightmares are always of real events from my childhood. So, they are all extremely vivid and very real. In a "dream state" it feels like being cursed to relive them over and over again. Even though I chose to NEVER put my wife and kids through anything even remotely resembling those same things, I still feel I'm defectively damaged and sometimes feel that they may be better off with me gone, even if they do not realize it. As I write this, it is currently 5:39 am. Like most nights, at around 3:00 am., my poor wife had to wake me up from what she calls "night terrors." I feel so bad for her. She never complains, but I know that makes it hard for her to get the sleep she needs and deserves. I will most likely be somewhat "zombified" for most of the day as I am many other days. My family deserves better than what I am. I just can't seem to stop myself from self torture. Though I've always managed to stay away from substance abuse, I completely understand how people fall into that. I'm no better, from an early age, I was simply aware of my potential to become an addict, so I stayed away from all of it. The exception being cigarettes. Though, that is a bad enough dependency in and of itself. About a year ago, it was suggested that I would be a good candidate for clinical Ketamine therapy. I was so desperate for hope that I went through the treatment as a last resort. In my case, it only made things much worse.

Do anything by bad omens.... Had someone tell me I needed to watch this channel more often, I wear a bracelet that says "keep f'n going" will never stop, but the depression is real, and that band helps a lot!!

I have bpd and depression. This is song is me. Now that darkness drive everyone I loved away. When realized what I was doing it was too late. Friends, family, etc. All I have is Jesus.

I grit my teeth and weap for all the things I've done like hey look ma my wrists are bleeding, driving my car into a huge ditch like here dad as I wonder off drunk. I owe a lot to them calling or texting if I'm ok so the tape recorder is very emotional to me... I wanted them to hate me and leave but I never knew how much I wanted their love and presence in my life at the time. But now we're closer than ever and I will always believe I have the most coolest (can't find the right word) parents imaginable

Favorite all time band. Absolutely incredible and raw song writing

The beginning of the song where you hear the woman talking is Justin (lead singer’s) mom leaving a vm talking about that she’s worried about him and his bipolar and then later in the vid you see him walking to her grave w/ the answer machine

Being Bipolar 1, this song has always resonated with me and made me cry, still does because I can see how ive done that. I've tried to male my wife despise me so she would take the kids and go so that this miserable illness didn't consume them too. I still struggle with stopping my brain from making them the enemy to justify pushing them away.

Justin's solo acoustic version has so much more over all emotional feeling to it. Both versions are great but the acoustic one is on its own level.

You had me at "a wizard is never late"

Not sure you knew this His mom in the video is actually Justin's mom The voice mail is really her Called him for real worried about him b4 this song React to "home" by these guys Shows that you can get better

Love love love this song ❤

Love your videos

Thank you.

this song definitely reminds me of my teenage angst lol but the bro can sing!

Thank you

This song kicks ass and its message is great. 🙏🏻🤘🏻 By the way, I’d appreciate it if you did a video on Three Days Grace’s song “I Hate Everything About You.”

Even tho my mental health is so so, I still felt this song and it’s chorus. Really hits you like a truck Edit: great reaction and I’m sorry for being late

It's stupid, but as a Man United and Ferrari fan, 2023 is the worst year ever for me, like really hate myself. Unemployed (hopefully to stop it by August 2023, finger crossed), seeing rival won treble, Ferrari failed to show up against Red Bull, obesity, and fail to pass my diploma on time, it's just goddamn overwhelming. This song is one of my go-to moment when I get down with life. Listen to Art of Dying - Sorry as well, it's so melodic and touching :D.

I don't really care for any other song from this band that I've heard. No hate, just not really my style, but this song is BEAUTIFUL and makes me cry every single time

The story of drug addiction,alcoholism and suicide. Justin went through it all. This is his story. Listen to Fear.

Idk if anyone has told you yet but that voicemail from his mom was a real voicemail she left him.

This song, and this band, mess with me. I love their songs for being so concise about their struggles that I relate too. Also, listening to them feels like cutting.

That was thoughtful in that it has me evaluating why I don't talk to my father any more. anyways (The loneliest day) by system of a down would be an amazing song for you to digest you do bring something to the light with your perspective.

I've been a fan of yours for a while, but this is my first comment to you. This is a song that hits so deep in me. I haven't told this story since my late 20's, to anyone. When I was 17, my 25 year old neighbor and best friend, who struggled with schizophrenia, committed s*icide. Long story short, she did it with my gun that I gave to her because I was a, painfully, nieve kid. I'm in my early 50's now, and that is still a raw wound that will not heal. At her funeral, her grandmother pulled me aside and told me that her entire family believes I was sent by God to save Mary from her Demons. How do you take that as a kid? As a compliment? As a harbinger? My relationship with God since then is one of animosity and hate. And i have since kept myself at arms length from everyone in my life.... because I know that God has probably sent me to hurt them, too. I'm so grateful for what you do on this channel. You've helped me more than any therapist ever has. I appreciate your analysis of this track. It helps me to understand myself a little better. Thank you for your channel.

this is my theme song

I've realized I'm falling into that dark place again (I assure y'all, I am ok, just a depressive funk). I notice this when I feel like listening to depressing music, this song being one of them. I know what's causing it: my dating life. It's hell. I've made so many improvements. Better career, new car, going to the gym, but it's still not enough it seems. I'm tired of infinite first dates, they're good, but end up faltering before a second date could be established. For me, being adopted adds an air of solitude. Even with amazing parents and family, you still feel out of place. I just want to meet a woman that makes me go "Wow, I feel like I found my place. This feels like home". Sorry for the rant, it's self therapeutic. Hope everybody is doing well

Great reaction Amanda! Still waiting for Stromae - L’enfer reactiong 🙏

Great song. Justin has some of the most honest lyrics I have ever heard.

As an addict, we don't see the effects we have on others.

Trying this for a 3rd time, editing myself as youtube keeps deleting my comments, posting this for anyone else thats been there. This song is amazing but hard for me to listen to. I had it playing the last time I tried to ..... myself. I wanted my wife to hate me for doing it so that in hating me she would have an easier time getting over it.

Sweet woman, he's telling her to hate him because it will make it easier for her to go.

First song where I felt heard

Should try blue October's black orchid or the feel again

This one was rough, I just lost my mother 3 months ago

Ugly Side by Blue October, and Chameleon Boy!

Falling in revers: Brother pls

it should have been "laying babies in my head"

This is a good one , rough but good

Thats his mom in the video

At most points in my life this would have been a really hard song to hear

Hi Amanda! Realy hope you will do the new (but not new) song by Linkin Park- Lost

You should react to Blue October-Fear

I'm sorry.. I just wonder what a suicide survivor is? Can you help me understand?

Can you react on the new Linkin Park song called Lost

Falling in Reverse- I'm bad at life reaction please 😥

❤ You might like Joey by Concrete Blond