Fix Your Descriptive Writing (Mr Salles) 

Mr Salles, I just wanted to thank you. I got a grade 8 on my English Language mock and a grade 9 on my English Literature mock. Thank you for all your videos and your guides!

I'm an adult, an English teacher no less, and descriptive writing has always been my worst skill 😢😭 I remember interviewing for a GCSE position and being given a past paper to solve in the classroom with the kids, and I floundered so much with the description that I ended up weaving a narration into my descriptive piece. I'm trying to get a small novella published and my editor says I need to change some of the more "bland" sentences to descriptive. I despise over-dramatising to my readers but I think I understand the point now; your examples are the only ones that have made sense to me so far!

Less is indeed more! As a chief sub editor once told me, over-writing is easier than writing😜

Can u do a video on how to cheat the descriptions of people Mr Salles?

Yep! I remember this description in the comment section of your 1 min short vid. I was thinking the same thing that EVERYTHING is being described. I can't really talk much because I like writing stories, and descriptive is a weak place for me. In this regard, were you able to look at the descriptive piece that I sent you?

Can you please check this q3 from paper 2? Thank you The Countess of Malmesbury describes her first experience riding a bicycle by beginning with a complex sentence "Riding on a track..bore me..remained steadily..cut figures of eight.. on and off quickly...unwelcome obstacles." This perhaps mimic the tome it took her to perfect her technique to "cut figures of eight". The adverb "steadily" emphasises how calm and collected she remained despite it being a "bore". This effects the contemporary reader at the time of the 19th century, as normally male dominated women preventing them to do anything and played an insufficient role in the daily lives of men. So women actually learning to cycle is quite rare unknown in the 19th century however the writer portrayed this in order for women to be brave and to try things out for themselves. As the extract progresses, the writer further explains her experience in the "stormy oceans of Sloane street". The metaphor suggests the chaotic nature of the rain making it quite difficult to "visit a sick friend". It may also foreshadow her tough, miserable day being quite "exhausted" and "in a state bordering on collapse". However the tone after her experience contrasts the beginning where she felt excited to begin cycling. Even though her experience was not the best she was able to "conquer" her "nervousness". This enables the reader to actually motivate themselves and follow in the footsteps of the Countess of Malmesbury.

Hi Mr Salles, thank you so much for all of your videos, they are so helpful, I can't thank you enough. I have done a response to a language paper section A and I was wondering if you could please give me a rough idea of how many marks it is and some advice on how to improve it?

had the dictionary out while he was reading it

Hello Sir, have you done videos on merchant of venice. If not can you do some plz

COULD YOU DO A GRADE 7,8,9 ANALYSIS ON THE MAIN CHARACTERS FROM MACBETH??????

Insightful evaluation and invaluable suggestions as always 👍👏👏

Mr Salles, how can you stop a descriptive from becoming a narrative? This is my main problem.

Hello Mr Salles, *I have written a short description on a boy jumping in a puddle.* Would it possible to provide me with some advice? Still like a painting. Green and blue with a tinge of insipidity sufficient for it to be tangible to the average child. Sufficient enough for this child to register that order and tranquility can no longer be. His wellies raising of the ground, disobeying gravity and his morose mother for a moment. All hell breaks loose. Muddy boots come crashing down with identical momentum to a tactical balistic missile. Its purpose to trigger a deluge of destruction and dejection upon its target. Motionless. Inevitable. Desperate. In an instant, the soles sever the stillness of the pelucid pool. Troops of water molecules spraying in every direction in a rapid and disorientated manner. Its base has been invaded. Remains of the puddle are absconded on the grainy bricks of no mans land. No sense of retreat. No sense of security. Amidst the frenzy between man and nature, a mother is calling for her child. Marching towards the infant. He stares with a hesitant but thrilled grin across his face. Oblivious to his actions. Oblivious to the repurcussions of his choices which taint himself and his surroundings...

My language ‘take’ is in 8 days and I’m so nervous

can u mark my answer its Q4 paper 1 english language I fully agree with this statement. As Alice is repeatedly been treated harshly many times which makes the reader feel sympathetic to Alice as she is being abused by her farther who I will show is very creul and inhumane The reader finds out of cruel Hartop is and how defenceless Alice is when she is commanded to “go back a bit and see what it was” Alice is forced out of the car as “something dropped” and it was her duty to go and investigate The fact that Hartop “shouted” at Alice shows how evil and cruel he is as Alice had done nothing wrong, additionally the fact that Alice could not “protest” against her farther because he “was already speaking” shows of weak and defenceless Alice was however in the 1930S this was common as women were treated unfairly this adds to the symphony the reader feels for Alice only as she is suffering the most, Finally “the van began to move” which implies to the reader that Alice is now abandoned by her own farther which he doesn’t even feel a little guilty for. This shows of cruel hartop is and creates a semantic field of sadness and sympathy Now Alice is left in the “Darkness and Rain” all alone by herself. The adjective “Darkness” can represent her feelings inside as dark and there is no light which can suggest that she has been suffering for a long time from the abuse from Hartop, this shows how cruel he is and it also makes us feel sympathy with Alice. However Alice has a sense of hope and somewhat happiness as Hartops van “tail light” was “smoothly receding” this implies to the reader that Hartop is not going to slow down for Alice. The phrase “smoothly receding” could be a positive connotation of happiness and relief as Alice is no longer in danger from her farther and most “tail lights” are red which can mean that the danger is moving away from Alice. This creates a semantic field of relief and joy as Alice is no longer in the danger zone this makes the reader feel a bit more relaxed and relived The writer uses short sentences and one line paragraphs to increase the pace the reader is reading ‘Only?’ he said. ‘Only? What d’ye mean by only? Eh?’ the repition of the phrase “Only” implies that the flowers are very important to hartop, some may even suggest that they are more important to Hartop then his own daughter which creates a sense of sadness and sympathy for the reader as Alice is seen as a lower sense of value then a bunch of flowers. Alice didn’t reply back to her farther and “stood mute” which can suggest that she respects her farther and listens to everything he says, but however it can also suggest that Alices voice of freedom as been lost through years of abuse and is not vanished. This once again show creul and evil Hartop is and how the reader should only feel symphy for Alice only as she is the only one being abused

CAN I ONLY USE, flashback circular structure complex metaphor all the way through my question?

Sir I have November resit on 2nd of November and I need to get 5 to do some of the courses do u think it’s still possible as I am on 4 right now

Sir is this writing a description or a story?