Yeah, I don't get along with ISFJs as an INTJ. Te-PoLR is a pain. The whole fakeness of Fe also is annoying as well. Fi goes with Fi, Fe with Fe; and Ti types understand having "their own method" while Te types are open to help and solving problems rather than being closed minded in that manner of "I don't trust your ability to reason, I have my own way!". The perception functions can do that opposite ordeal, Ni to Ne, Si to Se; but judgement functions would need to be the same valued in ego. As for myself, right now and for a few months I've been infatuated with an ISFP, and unlike ISFJs she's open to ideas to solve problems rather than unable to hear a single word like Te-PoLR does for IxFJs. Ideally an ENFP is probably the best match for an INTJ, but I see it like this: Shana is the most probable to actually be in a relationship with me, she's the ISFP, so if I have a future of not being alone at some point it would be with her. Ne-PoLR is a little annoying, but not nearly as annoying as Te-PoLR, and it's easy enough to relate to Fi things together so it's not impossible. But heck no to the superego match notion, ISFJs are not for INTJs.
This is good and really rings true. As gross as we STPs might find the very notion of "emotional safety", it's real. And I am a lot more motivated to be true to myself and grow that way, than to try to be truly close to someone who is an alien and shares no values nor communication styles.
Good video! The theory of choosing a partner who holds different functions than you for a successful relationship comes from Kiersey originally. I don’t really agree that it works in reality, either.
Well, yes, though you go a little far to say "mutually assured destruction". Because for every one of these cases you will find a couple who are actually making it work. Would prefer to say something along the lines of "this type of pairing tends to actually be more challenging than others".
ISTP here, on 1:20 I already agree and have life experience that proves you are right. Those kinds of relationships are easy at first but echo chambers that limits the couple's reality. I am in a relationship with an ENFP. It is harder to communicate but much more rewarding and versatile. RECAP You go girl =-)
5:33 We have the same idea different conclusions (kinda). Yes the relationship is hard to communicate but when facing the world, we cant be beat. Pick you poison i suppose.
I agree with you. My relationship is because i want to be stronger and my partner want to be stronger as well. I could be wrong we will see. Time will reveal all things hidden.
I'm an INFP that's been trying to give ENFJs a shot in the dating market, but my Fi is repulsed at how their Fe is so obsessed with commonplace fashion; septum piercings, for example--& I can't tell whether it's a red flag, or if they're just on the bandwagon with all the damaged people that initialized the trend from an Fi POV. -- I actually find more individualistic style in INTPs, ironically. Though in Socionics & OP, don't they see the 8th function as sort of a peacocking, shallow "role" function, or something...? :d
I have personally seen an enfj destroy an INFP briefly in a business setting before i left it. This enfj was probably a narcissist though and very manipulative. Slimed in by confirming the INFP values and couple of months later started dissing very subtly all his values and beliefs. From my understanding the enfj was basically brainwashing the INFP that Fe should be valued over Fi, and this INFP thought it was super great and he thought this enfj was so wise and enlightened. It was bizarre and unsettling. I have never met anyone in my life who was as lacking in aggression or self protection as this INFP. Be careful and Good luck out there 🤞
Great video. Kate, I'm not feeling so hot right now and I wrote really embarrassing posts on here when I wasn't feeling well, so hopefully some of this makes sense. So this might be all over the place but thank you for the video. Keep up the great work! You bringing up emotional health is important, and can be helpful for people who just think of their physical health but mental and physical health work together. And coming from you, who I view as a down to earth, compassionate woman of integrity who isn't just going to give some touchy feely easy answers garbage, and is trying to help people...you've had certain things on your channel would not help you if you were just out for money, and everyone can see how beautiful you are and with how smart you are, you could have made this channel much bigger if you wanted to just get money. Regardless of MBTI type, you're stand out person on youtube in general. Even though I wasn't accepting of the trickster theory and various other theories you brought up, I paid attention because I believe you're an authentic person of good will and I could understand the logic of where you were coming from which is why I took all your theories to heart. It doesn't matter if I didn't know my type, because being that we use all the functions to an extent, and all functions are equal, I could learn to use the functions more positively in myself or maybe help others, or be more understanding of others, and learn what to avoid in myself. Most don't live in the ideal situation and for those that do, won't always since everyone suffers, so it's helpful understanding our limitations because as as good as self-sacrificial love is, we have to love ourselves in order to love others and that requires managing how much we stretch ourselves like rubber bands toward using each function, but stretching so far will make the snap back greater causing more mental health problems, making us more difficult to love ourselves and then love others, and stretching it too much will cause the band to snap completely and good night Gracie. And I believe the purpose for relationships is ordered to families, so having such different types could not only cause emotional health problems for the foundational husband and wife relationship but that will also affect their children's emotional health and as you brought up with the communication, if the parents are struggling with communicating, then there's going to be a lot of confusion with children trying to see their parents as models along with the emotional health issues, and with all the trials and tribulations families already go through, it makes sense to go into a relationship that will be the foundation for a family to be as foundational sound as possible because while none of us are in control, we can still use our minds and hearts to help with what we can control. Yes this was very corny, but hang on you'll see why I wrote that... I went to look up your trickster article after listening to it and saw the new classy mind and heart connection art on the site, which is reflective of you, Kate being someone to win hearts and minds. Aw man, that was even more corny. I did not stick that landing, but I do think you are someone who can win many hearts and minds. You're great, Kate. Fitting you have the same ESTP type as Alexander the Great. Someone who also dealt with hearts and minds both figuratively and literally...that joke as well as my other jokes might illustrate your point since I couldn't handle a Fe harmonizing approach for long. I love everyone but I don't like everyone and not just because there's over 7 billion people where I don't like everyone simply because I haven't met everyone. Can't please everyone. People pleasers don't please anyone in the long run including themselves. Heck, using music to make a point right now, I'll listen to whatever music to bond with people to make them happy but would I listen to that touchy feely crap on my own? No. I've been listening to Disturbed every day when I'm out. And while writing this, I recognized I could have written something more succinct and jovial, but I'm writing this right now when I'm doing my treatment and feeling kinda pretty lousy so I understand if 99.9% of people who read comments wouldn't care for how I'm writing but maybe there might be .1% who is thinking and/or feeling like me in this moment where they feel comfortable not having to stretch their rubber band. So for any of the .1% reading this (thank you so much for reading this and I sure hope it's even less than .1% of people are like me. haha ) who haven't seen it, I think Kate's referencing her "How the 16 Personalities Use Their Blind Spot as A Strength" on the TypeMatch site. You can find the personality blogs under the Company section on the far right corner of the site as well as if you go into the community post, Kate posted it for us to check out (It's the one that says (New Blog Post!) If you read this, Kate. Thank you for the video. And beautiful thumbnail. The blue background and pink boarder is very elegant and very pleasant. Hope you and yours have a very nice weekend. Take care!
I know an INFP married to an ESFJ and it is excruciating for both of them. When the INFP expresses her almost daily idealist dreams, the ESFJ experiences a lack of stability and corresponding anxiety. Ns are abstract and like to talk about the theoretical. I have seen that this is commonly overwhelming to the vast majority of Ss.
Critical thinking is a much-needed discipline in psychology indeed. A reality check of theories which is the norm in natural sciences might be helpful here to ensure that things are valid in the objective reality and not just in the subjective one or within the tribe.
I honestly don't think it's as big of a deal as people make it out to be. It's more WHAT are the perceiving functions- Si & Ne or Se & Ni. For example ISTP & ISFP have Se parent and Ni child, ENTJ & ENFJ have Ni parent and Se child - they have pretty good communication and understanding across this gap although one is S and one is N. So it only "matters" for certain pairs and saying S vs N is too simplified and can be accounted for more accurately in examining the functions.
intp married to esfp for > 20 years. Worked OK for a long time, but has been very hard recently.Awareness of cognitive functions and redpill ideas have helped a bit.
hey, so um, im an enfp, I think some of what you’re saying is true, i can’t possibly see myself in a relationship with an estp (sorry, you’re very beautiful and seem very awesome), there would definitely be a lack of communication there because our functions are flipped and inverted, and they’ll have a completely different perspective of the world and most likely completely different interests. However, I really really love infjs (and intjs) every second i spend with them feels like absolute bliss and provides me with the most engaging fun, and amazing conversations, despite their functions being inverted, i can admire their fe and ti, one because of the order in which they filter information, and their strong suits in life which is values -> reasons, and two because I need someone with different ways of expressing their functions but with the similar baseline preferences. everytime i meet an infj there’s an, instant connection and understanding and attraction and that can last me for years it’s not absolutely perfect but i love it so much. That being said, I’ve never felt understood by an istj, I’ve only ever felt judged and gotten checked by them, I could see them as friends, but that comfort isn’t there at all, and neither is the communication, it’s honestly more similar to the estp, than to the infj in those aspects. With the infj there’s this sense of having a muse because I’ll constantly be thinking of new ideas, and they’ll encourage me to follow one specific idea since I’m lead ne and they’re lead ni and sometimes they’ll be focused on one idea and i randomly introduce them to multiple new concepts, I feel like an istj would see my ideas and my concepts and things I care about, and systematically criticize it and bring me to a point where i don’t wanna share ideas with them anymore. i think in theoryyy, istj and enfp should work, because they’d be checking each other and filling the gaps, it’s efficient in theory, but it’s missing the understanding in my opinion because the cognitive functions take different priority and different easiness in peoples lives.
i feel like when Ne doms present ideas to Si doms, tend to be immediately critical, and When Si doms show information to Ne doms, Ne doms tend to be overly defensive. When Ne doms present ideas to Ni doms the Ni dom either encourages the Ne to pursue an idea or starts perusing one of those concepts themselves, sometimes giving the Ne dom a break through of Ni which is their 5th function, which feels constructive and productive without feeling like you’re being judged or your thought process is being deemed invalid as it would by an Si dom.
there are problems with fi>te and ti>fe, but these functions can still work out really well if your rationality and values align despite the way you get to that conclusion. i think intj would also be a great match for enfp but i haven’t had much experience with intjs.
So I’m understanding from this that high Fi and Fe or that high Ti and Te are generally good matches, but that Ni and Ne or Si and Se users don’t tend to get along as well?
I think a lead se and lead ne that don't have a workplace relationship but rather romantic relationship could be ideal. Especially for jumpers or already well developed personalities if you will. While you may not be speaking the same language it also has the potential of splitting function dominance if two people have the same second and third function. A ENTP with ti and fe and ESTP with ti and fe would both be sharing all the same values in the same order down to the fi but simply have a different tint in their perception. They wouldn't work well at the same task but could divide and conquer life roles. ESTP having dominance in the role of fe ni matters and ENTP having dominance in fe si matters. Also any romantic relationship would be overwhelming if you work together. Jeff besos and bill gates are prime examples. Loved the thought provoking video.
Types compatibility ideas are much based on experience, not only logical speculations. Needs experiments to show what is true. The idea is that different (to some degree) people may give more to each other and hence have higher attraction, higher sympathy and more stable close relations.
Thanks for this. I've been watching CS Joseph recently and he advocates the 'golden pair' approach of Te neeeding Ti and Fe needing Fi. I've been thinking about this recently and it's interesting to hear criticism of it. But what now? So what would you say is a better comparability theory? Just go with gut?
Duals annoy each other, only those out of touch with reality or terrible at typing would recommend it. CSJ thing actually real, Frank James an INFJ said, "everyone knows I get along famously well with ENFPs" . Someone you can search, I've found it to be also true, except some weirdos disagree with it but that's inevitable.
Personally, I find that the judging functions being on the same axis is somewhat necessary for two people to properly relate to and understand each other. With Ti/Fe + Fi/Te, one will always think the other is cold or selfish, they will talk past each other, misunderstand each other's intentions and motivations, etc. Perceiving functions don't seem to matter quite as much to me (though that could just be my own perspective as someone with a dominant judging function). However, I do appreciate the perspective of someone with the complementary perceiving function to mine (i.e. Ne with Ni). This pairs intuitives together and sensors together, just with their counterparts who use the other perceiving axis. So intitives will get the deep conversations about ideas that they crave, and sensors don't feel like they are parenting an irresponsible, impractical child who has their head in the clouds. This combination is important for gathering new & different information (that will then be processed in a decision making process that will be mutually agreed upon). But I think it's also important for sexual compatibility, which I think CSJ might actually be right about. Lastly, I suspect introverts actually get along better with fellow introverts in the long run. I suspect the same would be true of extroverts, though I don't know if they would feel like they are both competing for the same space. If we combine these 3 metrics, this results in pairings like: INTP + INFJ ENTP + ENFJ INFP + INTJ ENFP + ENTJ ISTP + ISFJ ESTP + ESFJ ISTJ + ISFP ESTJ + ESFP Thoughts, anyone?
@@heatherbryant4197 I’m an INTJ and NFPs, _especially_ INFPs have historically brought out the worst in me. I’m naturally going to seek out to exchange thoughts but that doesn’t mean Te users forgo their own Ti in the process, so, I don’t understand how everyone overlooks the fact that Ti for FP types is at the bottom. Even though they want to be on the same page in our thinking, when it comes to them bringing their own thoughts to the table, in the nicest way possible… what thinking? I have Ti critic. No thanks. But I’m just one person.
As estp i find myself drawn mostly romantically to people who share my middle functions Ti and Fe. In my observation we use these middle functions when we are talking out a situation or problem in our heads. It's like i have one person with Ti who is arguing with another person with Fe. Because of this it's super easy to understand each other. I prefer infj over isfj. Si drains me long term. It also has happened that isfj get annoyed with me or look down on me because I am not that organized or want to be some kind of cleanaholic. I can and do organize i just don't want to live my life as a person with ocd from hell. In work i prefer Si/Te more istj, estj, istp and especially other estp. Second to these i think it's infj/enfj. Less productive but same language. I once had a bromance with an INFP at work which surprised me as Fi is usually hard for me.he was super healthy though, it was really impressive. And as i get older i tend to value productivity a lot less in favor of having good vibes and trolling, which he enjoyed a lot. Fi is either very hit or miss.
Mutual agreement. There needs to be unity in anything. Cant go deeper or surface without that of the other person in agreement. The depth of both or either person. Maybe that what you are trying to say.? Without that there essentially no relationship. Even if both are on different planes of existence there can be agreement but both have to come into that together and be committed to
This is very interesting but your app is for dating. Not everyone interested in understanding themselves and the people around them wants to date or is even available.
Why are you treating each function individually? When it comes to humans, they aren't just Se or just Fi. They are a combination of all functions, especially the top four, which makes them a whole person. So when an INFP and ENFJ are sitting in a room, it's not a meeting of just Fi and Fe. Secondly, our dominant function doesn't necessarily communicate only with the dominant function of the opposite person. That's not how functions work. A Ti user might find harmony with the supporting Ni function of the ENTJ user. They can criss cross. We are not machines with wires. And lastly, you are saying that two people with shadow functions don't work because shadow functions can't coexist together INSIDE one person. That last part is true, but there is no sense applying that logic to two people. Two people are two individuals. What can't coexist inside one head can coexist next to each other. It's like saying a mathematician and an artist aren't compatible because a mathematician can't be an artist.
OK but if all four functions cancel each other out? Ti - Se - Ni - Fe versus Fi - Ne - Si - Te? That's a clashing pair. My little sister is a clashing pair and we do clash badly. Pretty sure that's what Kate is talking about.
it's funny how in the video I talk about how my thoughts being filtered through someone else's mind will spit out something entirely different from what I mean.... and here it is. I didn't say any of that.
Again, you are viewing functions as individual wires. They come jn spectrum. It's not like those left and right puzzle where you connect similar objects with a line. Also, sibling-relationships do not have the same dynamics as romantic compatibility.
@@TypeMatch Which proves miscommunication can happen even if you are same functions user. (Although, you did mention what I stated in the original comment. In the first part of the video, you are only comparing function to function and giving examples of how they can't coexist inside the head of one person.) I am Ti and Fe user like you. Opposite functions aren't the only ones that clash or misinterpret each other, so that argument cannot be used for incompatibility. I have never seen Si user clash with Se or Ne user clash with Ni because of those functions. They might infact clash if they are in business relationships. But in romantic relationships, its the combination of functions and what it makes you that builds or breaks.
You didn't understand what the video is about. It's not talking about opposite letters. It's talking about opposite functions. So as an ENTJ, your shadow type is INTP, not ISFP. The video is saying you'll clash with INTP. In fact, according to My Type, you should be doing well with Fi types, especially INFPs. And I am trying to say exactly what you are saying. Because you and an ISFP or INFP are Fi users doesn't mean you'll get along better with them than Fe users. Fi users will judge the hell out of ENTJs and ENTJs will eat them alive for it.
