How To Move On In Your Life (Processing Emotions) 

listening to Dr K. talk about avoiding emotional processing in order to avoid processing my emotions.

The emotional dumping is something I am guilty of. There have been conversations I've had where afterward I tell myself, "You really could have just journaled all of that and it would have been easier for everyone."

My 2 cents about life seemingly getting harder... yes, I think life is objectively harder because the demand is nonstop. You can't take a break or else you're falling behind. Also, for some of us, our parents did us a disservice. Some of us grew up overprotected and sometimes I feel like I'm learning all the stuff at 29 that I was suppossd to learn at 15,16...like literally how to fail at stuff, how to date and how to express yourself, among other things. I never had enough space to learn all of that and I know I'm not alone. So now, when I have to expose myself to those things my anxiety is palpable because now there's no one to protect me (of course, I'm an adult now). But it' not like you can just flip a switch in your head and say oh now I know all that stuff! We weren't raised to be ready for this world.

I wanted to chip in with things I’ve learned from therapy and other sources. I Think the key to emotional processing is to treat your emotions as information, sit for a moment with no distractions and name the emotion you feel. Keep trying to label it. Some might need multiple labels. After you figure out each emotion ask yourself why you feel this way. Any answer works, if you truly cannot find why, just acknowledge you feel that way. The last step is to lay the feelings to rest, acknowledge their existence, thank your mind for letting you know then contextualize how you emotions fit with reality. Be sure to look for physical tells of emotions such as quivering lips, sweaty palms, chest pressure etc. Example: what am I feeling? Is it anger? No,I feel a pressure in my chest, I usually feel that when I am sad. Okay why am I sad? Im sad because my friend invalidated my feelings earlier. Okay does my friend usually care about my feelings? Yes they do, but it still hurt. I will have a conversation about with them when I get time. In my experience the emotions will generally fade as long as you fully acknowledge them for what they want to tell you. Once you know what it wants you to know or explore it will fade much more quickly.

One of my favorite ways to cope with a bad day or specific experience is to just go on a walk, late at night so nobody can hear me, and just talk to myself out loud about everything. I always end the night feeling like I understand my emotions more, and overall feel better. As an average depressed Joe, It's probably my #1 recommendation to anyone dealing with stress

When I realized that video scrolling and compulsive gaming were preventing me from processing my emotions I was finally able to shift away from them and into slower activities. The one that's really been a benefit is doing a puzzle. It hits the dopamine button just enough to be a step down drug while also not occupying my mind. I can't say that I actively "think about" what's bothering me but it's able to happen naturally in the background and I've already made some important realizations. "Idleness" in the form of playing cards with actual cards, puzzles, gardening, or baking definitely helps me calm down the feels by letting them process and I get something done which lets me feel accomplished even if it's not a priority accomplishment

It's weird how I ALWAYS loved to 'just chill a bit'. I.e. give me place to sit and stare into the distance for like half an hour. It makes me happy. Not only do I feel better afterwards but I'm content in that moment. But from a young age on most people, if not everyone, around me tried to wean me off doing that. Either by directly stating I should rather be 'properly using my free time' or by just making those moments less enjoyable with little snarky remarks. Which only lead to me constantly questioning myself during that bit of time that should have been relaxing.

"trying to take as little damage as possible" Man, you nailed that. I've been let down so many times in so many ways that I don't expect things to go good, and I'm trying to just not get beat. What I keep saying is: I don't want to win any more, I just need a way to be where I'm not losing

i started hiking again this summer and realized that was exactly what was missing in my life. idle time, it's in those repetitive physical motions that my mind can wander off and process everything i went through. went on a 6 week hike and that helped aaaaaaaaalot. at one point u just get tunnel vision and you can finally think about everything clearly, whilst enjoying awesome views. that's the same with swimming, or any kind of physical task. i guess that's why dads love to mow the lawn so much.

I've lived in a lot of anachronistic settings (like ancestral peoples 100s years ago), and it *really changes one's psychology* I worked at a summer camp - some 325 humans, 75 of whom live and work together 24/6. Even as an introvert, I LOVED being around people all the time, because our interactions were face-to-face and authentic. "How are you doing?" lead to genuine conversations. All the time. Our job was to help raise children in the woods, and everyday had rewarding experiences we shared with other human beings. I had far more emotional/mental energy to expend, even though I was using so much more of it to be social 24/6. I did a season of trail construction & habitat restoration. I'm convinced now that hard manual labor is the best social bonding mechanism. Even the days when I was consistently physically uncomfortable - hauling boulders in 90 degree heat and dripping in sweat - I felt more at peace then most days when I do comfortable things. I was with like-minded people collaborating on a meaningful project. I think there are a lot of aspects of how ancient people lived their lives that had tremendous mental health benefits the likes of which we are just getting to understand via the lens of modern cognitive science.

I've gotten a lot better at processing uncomfortable emotions over the last few months. For example, today, I started the day and I could tell my nervous system was dysregulated. Later in the morning, I released this pent up anxiety and dysregulation by crying in bed. Then I started work and as the day has gone on, my mood has improved and now I feel pretty good, my nervous system is relaxed. For context, in the past, I'd consider a day where I cried once to be ruined, there must be something seriously wrong. Now, I am happy to allow myself to cry if I need and I actually feel better for it afterwards. The tools I used for this are the: Emotions wheel (comfortable and uncomfortable [avoid labelling emotions as 'bad' and 'good']) and the Needs wheel. Write down the emotions your feeling in a moment and label them 1-10 on the level of intensity that you're feeling the emotion. Once you've done this, go to the Needs wheel and look at what you need in that moment to feel better, or at least feel like your nervous system feels regulated and you're on an emotional even keal. I hope this helps others out there.

This video is amazing because a lot of the "self help" community recommend you these things. The problem is that they don't tell you why. There is no explanation as to why a walk without music/audiobooks or distractions is helpful. It's just -- go for walks. There is no explanation about journaling -- it's just about telling you to journal. They only tell you to avoid Netflix, Tiktok, video games etc, because it's bad. But they don't go deeper than that, which this video so eloquently did. In my particular case I've been journaling on and off for over a decade, but like Dr. K said, I mostly did surface journaling because I didn't like evoking certain emotions. I recently made it a point to use this to become better and to become more aware. It has been, without exaggeration, life changing. The game-changer for me was meditation and therapy. I have been to therapy for years, but I would go into therapy with this facade that prevented me to get to the root cause. Even then I did improve, but I would say that in a few years I improved marginally. After learning how to meditate and be able to do so consistently I was able to slowly drop those masks that prevented me from truly expressing myself. That is when I began to improve rapidly. Now I'm not going to sit here and say I've figured it all out. I still have issues with dopaminergic traps, and I still have to work on on certain aspects. The thing that I learned in all this is that you don't improve uniformly. In some cases you improve a lot and in others much slower. My focus now is to improve in general to be the best person I can be, but thanks to Dr. K I've found the baseline to be able to allow myself to do so. Five years ago that would seem like a pipe dream. I'm truly grateful for that.

“Everything has to be perfect because you can’t afford the loss.” Man, you’re a genius! Thansk a million for these videos.

I think this is why slow living has become so popular lately. People are realizing they need to slow down and allow ourselves to actually process things so we can be happier.

learning about emotion processing really saved me. Every night and morning I was saddled with so much negative shit. Then I allowed myself to go idle and FEEL these emotions. It's uncomfortable as hell, but then you realise that the emotions will go away after they've been heard

i've never really thought too much about mental idleness vs physical idleness. i know that being idle is hard and that i feel the need to do something at all costs, but i always focused on not being mentally idle by distracting myself on social media or stuff like that, while neglecting the physical most of the time. being mentally idle isn't exactly being idle, and i think i should try remembering that a little more, because being mentally idle and physically active seems 100% better than the alternative

NTS: 1) journalling - write about emotionally engaging experiences (both good and bad experience), or just jot down thoughts = to provide time and space for mind to automatically process 2) therapy vs coaching/spirituality 3) rote physical activity like hiking, etc to give space (idle time) for mind to process

Tangentially related, but as a young(ish) teacher (I work with middle schoolers) I've seen a lot of emotional perfectionism in both my own life and my students' lives. I spent a ton of time when I was younger (and still some now) really fixated on having positive emotional experiences and making sure everyone around me was also having positive emotional experiences. Which is of course devastating because its not sustainable and also a useless goal. I've worked really hard to overcome that and so its hard to see my students struggling with emotional perfectionism as well, but the longer I've been in the classroom the more I've realized that they feel that way and I felt that way because so many of the adults in the their lives are trying to build emotional experiences for kids where they don't feel anxiety or anguish or embarrassment. And it makes everything 1000% worse because 1. kids then learn that having negative emotions is an emergency and 2. kids rarely get the opportunity to process or work through their emotions. Recently I've been trying to give my students more space to fail socially and emotionally process those interactions and its been challenging because I feel like that's the wrong thing to do in the moment. But I've been continually impressed by my students emotional resiliency and how they process and come back from interactions that seemed to me as an observer to be low key social emergencies (and probably would have become them if I had interfered).

Dr K, you are correct about the processing. I have had 6+ years of non-stop major life events, from the tragic death of my husband and subsequent legal battle of his estate to my mother’s cancer to my brother’s death to a global pandemic to being laid off to political unrest. I don’t feel like I’ve had the time to process. I do journal and it definitely helps. Somethings just don’t much sense anymore.

I just started with a new therapist and you’re framing the things he’s said in ways I better understand. Thank you!

This makes so much sense. There are studies made on people walking the Camino de Santiago route. Most of the pilgrims these days don't do it for religious reasons but rather for spiritual reasons. There's quite a large number of people who have a sense of looking for something, and trying to process through feelings and experiences. It can be a very life-changing experience both mentally and physically.

It's not life that's getting worse; it's life in the US that's getting worse. I arrived in Thailand a couple of weeks ago to visit my sister. I was in a horrible state from the stress of life in the US. It took me a week to start feeling relaxed. She's living a carefree life away from the US and now I see why she left. I had been on a stress roller coaster for months just trying to take care of basic life endeavors and get a decent night's sleep, while worrying constantly about being able to afford the skyrocketing prices. The US is a stressful place to live and the citizenry is suffering because of that toxicity. It's such a stark difference in the quality of life, that I've decided to move to Thailand as well. It's THAT much better.

Distraction = avoidance of processing emotions. The mind on “autopilot” is an apt analogy. Good point on the effectiveness of coaches and the value of deep emotional work.

I think working out/going to the gym is a great way to help you process your emotions - a lot of the time you spend racking weights and doing lifts, you're able to process past events. Could partially explain why people that exercise have better mental health

I think this is partially why art (including some video games) has become so important to me. I have GAD so even when I'm doing nothing, I'm still constantly in my head, thinking and analyzing. I honestly don't know how to process or even allow myself to feel emotion. Art allows me to get in touch with some those emotions in one way or another. Last year I played The Last Of Us 1&2 for the first time. Being confronted with those dark, complex topics and emotions was such an impactful experience that really defined 2022 for me.

I am 25 years old. I learned to cognitively dissociate from my emotions when I was under 10 years old. I don't need external stimulus to not feel. Having recently learned that this is my primary reason for unhappiness, I have taken up the journey of day by day trying to feel those 15 years worth of unfelt feelings. I'm guessing it will take 5 to 10 years, if I'm hardworking and lucky.

Notes for myself: - Historically emotional processing happens during idle time mentally while doing rote labor such as repairing fishing nets which require no mental tax. Idle mental time is essential to emotional processing. - In recent years trauma is suppressed by dopaminergic distractions and never healed or processed. Therefore it builds up and trauma dumps occur. - Deeper emotional work helps process big batches of emotional processing which requires time, space and exploration and all of this can be done in higher quantity and higher density with mental health professionals such as therapists. - Asking insightful questions lead to deep emotional work. - Discover what you really want - Action Steps: Journal (Write about emotionally charged/engaging good or bad experiences, Write about what happened in the situation, this week or today, Goal is to use journaling as idle time to process rather than pros and cons lists or to dos), Work with a professional, Rote physical activity with idle mental time without a goal in mind (Hiking, Walks, Journaling, Locking yourself in your room, etc)

I’ve believed for years that a lack of idle time on both a social and an individual scale are and will be disastrous for the world. I make a point of having time every day where my mind is just there… doing nothing in particular. It’s really helpful for forcing perspective on my most prominent feelings or worries or frustrations.

These videos always come at a perfect time for me. I grew up in a shitty, abusive household where nobody gave a fuck about how you were feeling. Nobody talked about emotions. You just had to either take it or "figure it out." This obviously wasn't a recipe for success in terms of making friends -- on top of learning that I'm neurodivergent and was already going to struggle socially, even if my home life was "normal." I'm in a new relationship after years of shitty, abusive ones and, honestly, the second-best thing for me ever (the first being therapy) is learning how to slow down, listen to my partner, and learn to how to handle my emotional state before shit hits the fan. I'm learning what conversations to have, what conversations not to have, and how to separate my past trauma from her behavior rather than (impulsively) reacting. This is the best romantic relationship I've ever had and it's a day-by-day thing that I have to work at; it's nice, though, to be rewarded with someone's love and patience with me because I've never really had that before in my life.

I really was living under the impression that I'm one of the very few people who get more and more hurt as the life goes on, they way you worded this struggle describes me very accurately. It's so good to know what's behind it and have a tangible way of making things better, I wouldn't suspect it was unprocessed emotions that made the life so difficult! I'm genuinely so grateful for this video, this is that kind of an insight I was searching, without exaggeration, for years. Thank you.

I was so depressed and had no idea beyond being sad. I can't say exactly how long I've felt that way, but I wanted to thank you for providing me an avenue to open and explore mental health without stigma and through a child's eyes. Zoloft has legit changed my life, I was able to take the initiative to heavily stretch my muscles, enough for my spine to mostly correct itself on its own, after having slouched into a pretty severe hunch over my 30 years on this earth. I'm standing up straight and looking to the horizon thanks in part to you. Thank you very very much 🙏

This made me realize that I was always distracting myself by listening to music no matter what I was doing. No wonder I have trouble sleeping at night when the music is off. I think I'll try going on walks with no music and experience this mental idleness.

As an avid lifelong journaler, I'd love to share a few more tips! - make the experience of journaling enjoyable, yet easy. Watching videos of other people with their bullet journals is a great way to get inspired, but be careful not to compare yourself or expect your journal to be as "aesthetic" as theirs. Personally, I like to invest in beautiful fountain pens, fun inks, and high quality paper to make the experience enjoyable. - experiment with different journal formats! Over the years I've tried hardbacks, paperbacks, spiral bounds, lined paper, dot paper, digital, etc... Try different sizes too. The format I'm using now is looseleaf blank paper, which I put into a folder I've labeled "journal" when I'm done. - don't pressure yourself to complete a journal. If continuing your journaling habit requires you to buy a new journal, do it. No guilt. - the only rule is THERE ARE NO RULES - do whatever you need to do to make it easy - but also, if you need some guidance, you can find amazing journaling prompts online! Find a list, and go with the first one that you find thought provoking. - make sure you go back and read your old journals sometimes. It can be really hard to do, but I've found it to be very healing.

I've been struggling with insomnia because my brain is distracted all the time and I don't have time to process until I'm trying to fall asleep. Yesterday I was sitting in the car for 5 hours on a trip and I had so much time to process and talk to my parents. I fell asleep so quickly that night after we got home, and didn't think about many things. I will keep trying to give my brain more processing time!!

I've been journaling for 3 years now, and I didn't realise how useful it was until reading it all back. Even skimming through random pages, you notice what you've improved, what still needs improving, and you notice patterns of behaviour, thoughts and emotions. You notice patterns you weren't even aware of, and that is a major clue of what to do differently. Change the patterns, change the outcome.

The timing of this video is incredible for me. I've been figuring out some emotional stuff lately and it's great to hear some insightful professional advice on the topic and to get reassured that I'm on the right track. Thank you!

Love this. As an autistic person this was so great to see. I used to be so afraid of my house work and chores and after a life changing experience at exposure therapy these same chores have now become my processing time which speaks to the mundane task focusing/rote physical activity point Dr. k mentioned. I do want to add however that a huge factor in this concept (might apply heavier to me as an ASD’er that has above avg sensory sensitivities) is that you need to be RELAXED and calm during the activity. Hitting the gym if it’s in any way mentally/cognitively taxing, or even emotionally charging will not do the trick. This is why activities in nature as Dr. k mentioned is so therapeutic for many ppl incl myself. There is an inherent soothing effect it has on humans so hikes and walks are perfect. Also why I wasn’t able to use housework as processing time previously bc of the anxiety associated with it but now can. It doesn’t have to be too complicated but as long as you’re relaxed, not super distracted, and have some kind of mundane physical component that’s really all it takes. Thank you for this video as the lack of emotional process time expected of us in this world truly was a huge reason I almost gave up as an ASD’er! I also appreciate that you highlighted how therapy may or may not always be what everyone needs bc I -like many ppl with ASD - have also not just received poor results from therapy but have actively been harmed on occasion by it. And I really thought there was nothing else out there for me and that it was my fault. Thank you for always having something for everyone and being so woke! Much appreciation from a fellow Indian-American too it makes me proud :)

Okay this is amazingly synchronized I've been dealing with lots of emotions lately and wow what a great timing! Thanks Dr.K

Well I've been journaling for 6 years now. I want to share with the community here my experience about it. 1. Once I've started I did not know how to do it 'the right way', but what I understand now, that there is no 'right way'. I think you just need to develop it. 2. My writing and form of journaling have changed through the years. At the start I just joted down some things, now I write full pages about my day and about my emotions. I have learnt more about myself, my emotions and how they work in the duality of body and mind. 3. Going through the years I think I found the best way to do it for myself. So I guess we should think that journaling is a skill and thorugh time you get better at it. 4. There is no feedback for journaling. There is no boss or manager who would pat you on the shoulder or evaluate what you wrote. You are the person. 5. I cannot describe it scietifically, but there is some kind of an emotional and physical loop between writing and thinking. When I feel fucked up and write it down, I somehow feel better, somehow I find other pov's at the problem. Just Idle thinking helps too, being mindful about it of course. But then again the loop between physical activity and mind is more interesting and sometimes it works better. 6. Being very radically open about yourself on paper. That I guess correlates with being open in other levels too. No one need to read it just you. Sometimes it is hard to admit to yourself stuff that bothers, so writing mitght help. 7. It helps to dvelope creative ideas. 8. You can talk to yourself there on paper. 9. Very good and realiable to track progress. I'm just sad that nobody can give me a master's degree in journaling. I've spent lots of time on it. Though I recommend doing it.

Dr. K, thank you for this lecture. This whole video perfectly explains the last 4 months of my life and everything that was in my head. That's exactly why I started doing pizza delivery at a local shop. If you live somewhere nice and the weather is nice, I highly recommend it for emotional processing. I think many (mainly low-stress) jobs can become socially and physically demanding (giving you idle time to process) as long as you just hold your head up high, keep a smile on your face, say yes to everything, and just focus on all of the positives. People start to like being around you, you start to feel a sense of warmth from life, and tons of experiences/lessons get thrown your way. It's wonderful if it all works out, maybe I'm just lucky. I wish you all the best on your journeys!

Hey folks - Dr. K’s Healthy Gamer Coaching is a cutting-edge program tailored for the unique mental health needs of the internet generation. It can help with issues like lack of motivation, excessive procrastination, missing life purpose, repairing/building relationships, and more! Sessions start at just $30. You can learn more here: bit.ly/3WhLtAy

This is probably the best video so far. The problem is shared by everyone. The solution is accessible to everyone. The source of these issues are shared by almost everyone. And it's the most reoccurring road we'll come across. It's a fundamental building block to mental wellness.

What you describe is how I have been feeling for the last 10 years, in regards to both my job and family life. The video has given me some insights to think about, so thank you for that!

It annoys me that I tell my husband this and I've been telling him this for years. I always say that just like when you leave your laptop open and it does background checks that the brain needs the same. He doesn't get it. But he watches this video and gets it instantly. Thank you though, you got through to him.

It just clicked with me what everyone means when they talk about doing "nothing" on vacation. I've always been someone who "fills" their vacations to the brim with stuff to do. But the nothing version suddenly sounds super tempting.

Hey Dr K. Just wanted to comment to say your videos have given me the confidence to reach out and start counselling. I really appreciate the content you make and how it helps people.

Just like when our body is injured, we must give it time to rest in order to recover, we must give our minds time to recover when they are injured. Constant distraction is exerting to the mind. And just like if we continued to exercise on sprained ankle it would not heal as well or as quickly as it should and may even lead to chronic pain, continuing to exert our minds when we have something hurting us emotionally or psychologically will not allow our minds to heal and recover from that pain. At least that's what I took away from this video. Thanks Dr. K. This video really helped give me some perspective.

I recently started pausing some videos whenever I get a thought about things that relate to me and it's been helpful processing information and my feelings without consciously being aware of what the emotions are. But when it comes to twitch and gaming videos you bet I'm gonna binge watch that stuff. That constant hunger for entertainment just to distract ourselves seems to create this circle that whenever we feel similar way again we don't know how to act and so we become servants to technology. Although this has been one of major reasons for why we feel the way we don't want to, the fact that I can just click on videos like this and help with life is really amazing all it takes is willingness and kindness to help yourself.

Dr K, I’m in love with your channel, your work, your personality, your approach to explaining everything in such an amazing way that really hits the core of what I am doing and how I think about it. Im changing my ways and bad habits with your tools and sensibility and practical explanations. My lifelong addictions to pot, to isolation, to not helping myself with living now; I am growing thanks to you. Im almost 50 and there’s no time like now to live in a healthy way. Thank you

It's great to learn when you're participating in some activity because you need a rest vs looking for a distraction. I've come to realize a lot of the times I turn on a video game, open a beer, or hop on Reddit, it's not because I actually want to engage with those things at the time but more I just don't want to deal with my emotions. But other times I feel emotionally stable and just want to wind down with those things. It's definitely important to be able to just sit alone with your thoughts without a side task going on. It's ok to feel things and ok to sit back and process things. Even if it's an xp waste. Mental health has to come first. Cheers everyone. Keep up the good work. We got this!

This is of your best videos: so simple, elegant and honest.

I'm commenting to help get this video out there so ignore the rant, but the fact that I was absolutely livid the entire time you were talking is how I know you're right. My life isn't quite as convenient, by design, I choose to work outdoors and I have the luxury of choice yet I still complain constantly. I constantly ignore my emotional state and then vitch, moan, and complain when I'm in a bad mood... Which is all the time because I refuse to acknowledge my basic necessities as a person. Good video

This explains why planning fun events (for example with friends) seem to be followed by a negative day or few days. They require energy to plan, I get to experience a lot of emotions in a short timeframe, but after that I don't have idle time to process those emotions. So negative as well as positive emotions pile up for processing; they don't cancel each other out!

I'm so angry. This is exactly the thing I've been complaining about with therapy. Every time I start getting into any emotion, I'm given the advice that I should just distract myself. It's the same advice from every therapist I see, between even seemingly distinct methodologies like CBT and IFS. There is no escape from the negative feelings. They accumulate and take over everything. I'm completely stuck, constantly distracting myself, and I don't have any more energy to change. I wish I had seen this video 4 years ago.

This perhaps may be the most important piece of content I've consumed from Dr. K. Thanks for putting this out there! So much value here.

I'm a relatively new viewer of the channel, and while I had watched one of your videos a good while ago it didn't really hit home the way some of these topics are as of recently. Things like the topic of this video didn't give me any new information, but its helped me realized that it doesn't always have to be about some grand revelation. Back in High school I had made a habit of writing poetry. Poets always wrote passionately, and emotionally so along with all the tools in the toolkit to obscure the meaning from others it really ended up being an area to unpack things emotionally through an express goal. I've stopped using it as a tool of processing my emotions, but it means a lot to know that the path I've taken is encouraged by someone with expertise. To others who watched this video, and couldn't get themselves into writing a journal I encourage you to try poetry. As a practice it's as dynamic of a process as you want it to be, and there are lots of ways to start and to spice it up once you're writing. The best part is that writing higher quality poetry encourages you to slow down, and process what you're putting into it.

Dr K. Please read! The reason for the trend of things getting harder- the working class world wide is simply getting squeezed harder and harder as time goes by at the macro level. This needs to be taken into account!

WOW. I needed this video. Was starting to feel claustrophobic in my own head… if that makes any sense. I really liked the feeling “ringed out dry,” sounds exactly like what I’m going through

This has to be one of best videos I’ve ever watched about developing a better understanding of self through processing emotions. You’re a blessing doctor K!

Discovered your channel yesterday and wish I had much sooner. Everything I've heard from you so far really resonates with me, please keep doing what you're doing!

I was listening to this video while doing some deep cleaning around the house and the part about spending time performing a task to mentally process some things just seemed to perfectly click into place. I love working on small mindless tasks like cleaning and getting them done well when I need time to think.

A damn good topic and a damn good explanation of it. It makes a lot of sense and it feels grounded and real and I can certainly resonate with some of it.

Wow, just realized I've been watching HGgg for 2 months... watching A LOT! And shockingly I just now subscribed, I thought I would have a month ago. I can't even put to words how much you help me understand my brain and the brains of people around me! Ty for your work, you are awesome!!

This was amazing , really needed it . Thank you for all your work for the community

Woah thank you for this. Struggled with depression forever & am recovering. Breaking up with my partner of 4 years today and this couldn't have come at a better time. Gotta accept and then opposite-action the negative feelings. It'll be a process for sure

Dr. K has the super power of giving these videos just at the right time lol There's a lot of things I've been needing to turn over in my head, and with finals at school it's hard to really dig into them. Yesterday, I had an arm wrestle with my friends for fun. The first month of school, I could beat pretty much all of them. My arms were fuller, I felt sturdier. But this time, 4 months later, I lost every time. Didn't stand a chance. I'm withering away, quite literally. I don't eat properly. And just something like having that arm wrestle just triggered a blow that hit me with all these thoughts and feelings at once. I was sitting in the school's general meeting, and I felt like I was going to break down. I can't keep living off of tiny yogourt cups and dumplings. I have a full meal that hits most of my food groups maybe once every four days. The rest I'm more worried about keeping up calories. I have some vitamin gummies that are the only reason why I'm not dealing with any deficiencies, except for protein. My aunt only eats chicken in her salads, my vegan cousin just got back to the house, there's nothing for me besides the single serving cups. I'm already living there for free, the guilt I feel when just contemplating asking her for meat is enough for me to push it aside. Anyway, I really did break down over it yesterday. My muscles shrank away, and I have no energy to work out. I got home, and what I ended up doing, instead of doing my work, I just laid on the floor. For a good while. Pure silence. I find, when I am really freaking out, I lay on the floor. Going for a walk would be nice too, but after being out in the cold for an hour and change just coming back home, it's not often something I'm in the mood for. I really do feel better after doing this, and watching this video I realized it's because I'm actually taking time to process my feelings. It's a kind of depressing way to do it I'm sure (from and outside perspective it must look sad lol) I'll either lay on the floor, or just quietly do something with my hands while I think. Helps a lot in times like these. After winter break I'm getting a job again, so I can buy my own food.

This video is so good, thank you. Started working out without music. Great mental gains followed.

This might be my favorite video yet. It’s dense with useful, actionable knowledge.

We lost the simplicity of life. We are bombarded will stimulation 24/7. We have things so easy that we forgot how to do the hard stuff. Advancements are great and all but they have taken away our energy to do. Simplicity is what I long for. Give me a hard life that is simple and I can function at my best. There are to many distractions that thinking becomes muddled. I have a hard time with to much stimulus. Heck I am in complete silence most of the time. I rather hear the sounds of nature than anything else. Yes we have lost time and space. I do know that creating is a great way to process. It's a great way to express as is writing. Most of us are walking around on overload.

This resonated with me a lot. When I was younger, I used to do a lot of thinking during my commutes. Sometimes I find it a bit annoying, my brain can be in a loop making up theories and going through things that happened/whatever my brain decides to make a theory about. It can get a bit exhausting. I started listening to podcasts and videos on my commute to drown my brain out.

THANK YOU!!! My partner sent this to me and what a wonderful conversation to have and work on.

I think this is one of the most important videos on RU-vid. And I promise you I’ve watched a ton of RU-vid and a ton of your content. And on top of that, I’ve always considered myself quite emotionally intelligent and I see a therapist regularly. Understanding what it means to have real, significant time and space is kind of revelatory. Taking that space is not “disconnecting” (except maybe disconnecting from distractions), I’d say it’s way more of a tuning-in.

Really good points in this video! I am a logical person too and hearing that journaling is more about actually giving yourself time and space other than "solving" a problem in like a progressive almost work type of way made me think about it differently!

The distraction part is true I have been actively trying to distraction myself to suppress my emotions instead of allowing myself to feel with it just because I don't like dealing with the negative emotions. This year I'm learning it's better to just let it out sometimes. I started doing mindful meditation and I noticed that during that time I'm not distracting myself the emotions I end up suppressing does come out in some of those moments

Super super important! Thank you for spreading this information!

Timing is impeccable. Had a lot thrown at me the last few days and I’m just thrown into a loop.

I've heard of this idleness exercise before and have been practicing it. Let me tell you, the first time I did this 7 years ago and went to bed, I woke up so energetic and refreshed that I felt like a new person, literally. Been practicing it ever since.

When you talked about dreams being a form of our brain processing, it made me think about myself and how my dreams are so closely related to my present life, they are like memories to me, i can go back to dreams from months ago, even some dreams from 15+ years ago, but i never find closure through dreams unfortunately.

Dude you don’t how much you help me to come back to clarity man thank you you really do be giving mature advice not only based on how we fell but how we should process and think rationally and then do the action that’s going to help us bro thank you.

This showed up on my feed and I'm glad I watched it. Thank you, wherever you are.

We love avoidance. Now that we're used to not processing our emotions and trauma when something happens that triggers those feelings we feel like something is *wrong* so we do everything we can to avoid feeling that way. We have to accept and commit to our emotions. I love ACT therapy for this.

Maybe this is why knitting can be so soothing

Your channel has been a godsend. Started journaling today. My mindset on journaling was the same as yours. IDK how to journal but now I know. Thank you.

This is brilliant! Lately I’ve been spending a lot of time having baths for this reason or just having an hour of no phone time and laying on the couch. I always feel so much more relaxed after.

One thing I'd like to add about the long-distance hiking as a way of processing: learn self-compassion first. Some hard-earned wisdom there. You speak so much to my experience when I first started therapy - I wasn't happy with how my life had turned out, but I also couldn't risk making it any smaller... my life was so small that I couldn't think of anything extraneous left to lose. I was really self-aware in knowing what was going on (that the problem wasn't what happened to me, it was that I didn't know how to move through it), but just didn't have the tools. And honestly I think having someone in my life who cares about how I REALLY feel, was essential for my healing. Thank you for this video.

Oh my, this is so accurate. Instead of processing my emotions I go to youtube to watch news and crap. The next morning I'm still tired with no awesome ideas for solving the issues.

Once again, another awesome video on a very relatable, well-timed topic. I'm so glad I found this channel. Thank you for all your helpful insight and advice, Dr. K! 🙏

This is amazing. So glad to be living in the same time where great minds are so accessible

I used to watch a lot of Dr.K before, loved it aswell. I never had any problems of any sort. Then I had a huge thing happen and I haven't been okay for more than a year. And since then I couldn't watch another Dr.K video now that I had my own problems. This is the first one I've watched since and it feels weird, kind of proud in a way that I could watch another video like this.

A method of journaling that has helped me a lot is just writing down every good thing I do or good thing that happens throughout the day even if the only thing I write down is “made my bed” or some days “got out of bed” at the end of the day it helps keep those good things at the surface so I don’t get overwhelmed by all the bad that happens

Dr K you have helped me so Much with navigating hard emotions and learning to have compassion. What you teach is so powerful. Thank you!

Thank you so much for this video, I needed this information desperately and it could not have come at a better time

Endless competition is killing us.

What I get from your videos: Insightful information and a bit of humor (esp that part about making lists at a funeral lmao) while also delivering information so that your audience can actually make connections to concepts that everyone talks about. I love having such a practical approach to solving this type of problem--that is seemingly so complex. You made it seem so simple. I'm going to try not to binge watch all of your content lol. Also, can I work for you? --half joking. I like that you mentioned anthropology, I am technically an anthropologist by my bachelors degree and lose sight that it is a valuable field of study. It wasn't exactly what I want to do but I love humans, science, and research. It was a nice reminder that even though I haven't done anything with it, people like you reference studies from the field.

Damn. This hit home on. every. point. I have been through a lot & made many mistakes, but I have never taken the time to process it all. This year (2023) has been a relatively “calm” year in which I thought I had done a lot of emotional processing. While I for sure have done some, looking back on the year I have also distracted myself with sooooooo many hours of RU-vid. Just clicking on a random video to watch while I eat, while I brush my teeth, while I sit and do these little tasks that should have been idle time for my mind, even up to the last second before I fall asleep I have been watching some video many many nights. This was a good and well needed lesson that I need to give my mind idle time. It is scary for sure to sit with my thoughts because I know how scary and destructive they can be. But maybe, if I can trust you, it’s a hurdle that I “must” go over to get past this. At the beginning of the year I thought I would be a lot happier at this point, but I’m fighting for my life on this hurdle (literally against the thought of whether or not life is worth it). But I have decided to give it a few more years at least.

Thank you for the help and insight!

One detail I might add is the importance of physical exertion and the presence of some source of beauty in your life in combination with idle time/undivided focus. The nervous system excretes the energy of trauma through healthy physical action. Following the Dharma, practicing yoga, martial arts, and asceticism in general have done miracles for my mental health. As a military veteran and a human who has struggled through modernity like everyone else, I wish you all the best 🕉️

Honestly your tip to just „idle“ and take away tech and other distraction works like a charm. I put away every electronic device and cooked something ate in silence and had a blast while thinking about the things I usually cant sleep because of. Sorry for my grammar mistakes

Out of every person I have come across on RU-vid to explain something psychologically to me. I prefer this guy not only am I interested in ADHD, but I love how this guy explains things. I love his personality. I like how fast he talks. It's just awesome. Thank god for this guy. He's my role model now. I just found his page and he's definitely my new role model

To me it feels as if everyone tries to optimize their life to the upmost detail kind of like a video game. We can fail over and over in video games because there’s like an “okay cool cool, I know what I did wrong and how to go about it next time.” Life when we fail, we don’t know until later so it creates like a freeze in a sense of making sure that everything that leads up to that decision will be the right choice we make in that time frame.