footballs suicide secret 

"It's so hard to describe how illogical your thoughts are, when you are in depression. It's madness. I feel my body shutting down. I don't just feel tired. It feels like my brain is closing. I don't want to get out of bed because I don't want to face that day. I don't want to have to think or process anything. You just don't want to face anyone." I think that this is the most accurate and eloquent statement I've ever heard, describing what it feels like to be in the midst of major depression. Thank you, Mr. Carlisle, for putting the impossible into words.

The courage this man has shown to spill everything associated with his long-term mental illness is just incredible. It truly does take a real man to show emotion, no matter who he is facing, on or off camera, and to unconditionally want to help others get through their crippling mental disorders. What a great man.

clarke seems like a genuinely nice person

Best of luck to a true gentleman in Clark Carlisle. Unfortunately sometimes you're so focused on helping others that you lose sight of yourself & how you're feeling. Really hope he pulls through! Mental illness really is a horrible thing.

Clarke you are an absolute inspiration to myself who battles severe mental illness on a daily basis and people who have never experienced mental illness wouldn't understand but again well done with this documentary 👏

Before kids and parents embark on the rollercoaster ride of trying to be a footballer they should watch this video. Carlisle is straight talking, honest and courageous in bringing this issue to the forefront. It's a short career and a lot of pressure and you need to somehow from an early age get a perspective on it. I see a lot of parents pushing kids, blaming them for making mistakes on the pitch. These kids must feel like they are conditionally loved by their parents and that can't be good going forward if they become players and don't hit the top leagues. Rather than being proud of their achievements those kids will never feel good enough either on or off the pitch. I hope a lot of parents who watch this reflect on how they are responsible for preparing their kids to tackle success and failiure because both of them present great challenges that can lead to depression. Well done Carlisle one of the best documentaries to come out of football! -Thank you for sharing this with the world.

Fair play Clarke, you seem like a top bloke. Much respect

vulnerable people need you Clarke, your empathy, understanding, intelligence & kindness. you're the sort of person I would love to turn to should I ever have to experience this dark side of human life god bless you mate.

Clarke Carlisle saved my life, I owe my life to this documentary. As a teenager this documentary made me realise I was not alone. Thank you. Anyone seeing thing please remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE, LIFE WILL GET BETTER. I know it seems impossible or I don’t understand, but trust me I do. Keep faith. There is always light at the end of the tunnel

People who haven't suffered with depression dont understand. The people who look after a depressed person understands to a certain degree. But ultimately it's the depressed person who is trapped within himself 24/7 It takes guts to want to end it all. It's not as easy as one thinks. They say its gutless to leave behind those you love. But you feel at the time it's the best for everyone. Best of luck to you

I met Clark yesterday at my work conference. he was speaking about his depression. really heart warming story and very brave to tell his story to help others.

Since this was posted quite some time ago, I decided to google his name to see how he's been doing. I'm very sad to hear about his second suicide attempt and the breakup of his marriage.I hope he can turn things around. Sometimes people who have experienced major lows can help their peers in the same situation, and this gives their life meaning and purpose. I'll be praying for him.

Come on buddy hope you pull through. Thoughts are with friends and family

well done brother you helped many people to realize this disease. it not only in football but depression is everywhere depending on your industry. good luck for the future

Best of luck Clarke Carlisle. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Depression is an horrible illness that leads you to think of doing the things you wouldn't think of if you weren't ill. LOOK AFTER YOURSELF! You can't help anyone unless you try and help yourself. Lost my uncle to suicide last year and it's horrible, the guilt that we couldn't save him

Thanks for putting this up on RU-vid. Watched this when it was first broadcast and I wanted to watch it again a while after it came off iPlayer. I've been around a few people suffering severe depression, and many who assume being a footballer is a luxury lifestyle where no-one is allowed to complain, but the truth is depression is far more complicated than just being a bit down.

Maybe he could open a business to stay busy after he retires. I totally agree that people who have never experienced depression do not understand it. I am the only one in my family who suffers from clinical depression. I never was treated until my late 30's when I was working for a psychiatrist and he recommended I get treatment. Thank God for him. But even with treatment, I continue to be depressed.

This is emotional. I watched this when it was on TV and had to shed a tear for Clarke.

Seeing Clarke describe his suicide attempt at the exact location from 25:00 - 26:53 is one of the saddest and hardest bits of TV I've ever watched. It can't have been easy for him to go back there, good on him though for highlighting this serious problem not just in football but in general society.

All the best clarke Carlisle. Seems to be a really nice down to earth genuine bloke..

Seems a nice guy down to earth ,nobody deserves to go through this, get well soon mate

I admire Clark for coming out and talking about depression cos a lot of things he bruoght up were personal. Rip Gary speed

Am watching this now , 2021, and I cant stop myself from crying, feel sorry for Clarke, and I pray he is ok now.

I love this documentary because it just proves that in any walks of life that mental health and suicidal tendencies are a big part u just feel horrible and no one is there I’m so thankful for people like Clarke being open about mental health and depression because everyone doesn’t take it seriously please ask your friends if they are ok

what a great and courageous man. hats off to him.

I know exactly what you mean. I have Major Depression and feel the exact same way. I'm still working on finding the right attempt to get it finally done the very first time this time. Hopefully sooner. All the other attempts had failed since I'm still here. So, don't think that you are all alone and that no one understands you in how you really feel. I'm that way and feel that way 24/7. The only time I'll stop feeling this way is when I'm finally gone for good. This is the the only way I can finally overcome all these feelings is when I'm officially gone.

Such an important issue to shine a light on. Stigma is alive and well and living everywhere. Thanks for posting.

lovely documentary and eye opening.. well done guys

I imagine as a man, not just a footballer there’s so much pressure to excel in the game, fitness, body etc. Football puts unnecessary pressure on players. If you actually hear how football executives talk about footballers, it’s actually invasive, degrading and in my mind akin to slavery. Players are being ‘bought’. That to me sounds degrading! It takes a lot of courage to come forward and talk. To anyone suffering from depression, honestly, it gets better! You will get to where you want to be! Best wishes to you all!!!

I have watched this before but chose to watch again- Clarke is an inspiration because this can happen to anyone no matter what you have. Mental heath/depression etc does not have any boundaries - it can get you - but we ALL need to talk and help each other - things like this programme makes you realise you are not the only one- not 9n your own ❤

Though it's been some years since this documentary was done and this is my first time watching, I am so grateful for it and I'm hoping that football players in Europe and the U.S. will find the peace and an outlet to talk and that family and friends will be there to listen.

I understand McKenzie about losing who he is and Clarke about being no good to anyone which is one of the things that made me depressed but I feel so much better since the summer where I was on a path to nowhere

So much respect for this man!

As an ex (but still working in the funeral industry on a freelance basis) I can categorically state that in a period scanning almost forty years I have arranged funerals, attended ‘call outs’ ( a term which is used when an undertakers are called out to remove a deceased from a sudden or unexpected death), to preparing a deceased for ‘chapel viewing’ purposes to my now more daily routine as a pall bearer and over the forty years of working in the industry and speaking with bereaved families the consensus is today is exactly as it was forty years ago. One of the very first funerals I arranged as a 16 year old was for a 24 year old student who sadly took his own life back in 1984 I was at the time a YTS student working for a local family firm of funeral directors. I can still recollect to this day the trauma that the poor family had to suffer and endure and fast forward to the lockdown of 2021 where I was a pallbearer on funeral of a young 17 year old girl who sadly and in very tragic circumstances took her own closed to where I then I lived and again I can recollect speaking with family members and the overall consensus is that ‘no one saw it coming’ my message is please be kind you never know what anyone is going through always be nice it can make all the difference always look out for your loved ones always be there for them. I hope this is helpful and I am always here for everyone if you want to chat just contact directly in confidence. God Bless to all either directly or indirectly involved in this video and too everyone who just wants to chat in confidence privately.

I wish there where more human beings like Clarke Carlisle out there.He is such a beautiful kind,intelligent man and yet he feels crap about himself,go figure!!!

This guy is amazing. I knew from the start of the video I could see the pain in his eyes. I also easy to see how much he cares and how much he does not want others to go through what he went through.

Fantastic video glad this video was made, 4 months ago I came back from a knee injury and I have been working mornings and nights and just as I start scoring and gaining confidence my knee pops again, same thoughts, same sad feeling are back and its horrible, at home with a wrap and ice and thats it, in a world of silence, i will bounce back and hope every1 else does too.

Wow. This guy (Carlisle) is class.

Clarke seems like the nicest guy!

The key is as Clarke said it in 54:23,"it allows me to tackle my own demons". I have my own experience dealing with this horrible problem of depression in my family, and it needs a lot of help, not from any therapist, but a good psychologist with a lot of experience on the issue, together with a good ministry of God who knows to deal with spiritual warfare to defeat those internal demons that affect our minds and do not let people to be free to express their genuine emotions.

All the best Clarke. Always had respect for Clarke, I would like to listen to him on TV shows. Talks well, intelligently. Get back on track.

It's a sad fact that success,money and fame doesn't always save you from yourself. Clarke Carlisle does a great job in highlighting the hidden problem of depression in the football world.

Check out my video - Head In The Game - Mental Health In Football Academies ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-0Zpz7Mlc4-E.html

its just good to be nice in general, when you're around people be it family friends or strangers you don't know what they might be going through so a little positivity and kindness can go a long way.

True depression is hell. Im not just talking about feeling a bit low or a bit sad. Im talking true depression that makes you feel worthless,makes life feel pointless, like the life has been sucked out of you. 2 folders about depression on my channel, one is of other peoples experiences of it, and one is a folder of my experiences of it too. There as a resource for myself and for others. Check them out if you or someone else are going through a bad depression. Hopefully someone will find something useful in them ? Thanks

I am a 66 year old retired teacher, former coach and athlete and I've been dealing with depression since I was 15 years. Family and friends say just call me BUT when you do they do NOT want to listen or understand. Evan at my age dealing with (four years ago) a Congestive Heart Failure and numerous other issues it's been difficult. No one wants to listen!! My sister called me a few years ago and said "I'm going to kill myself talk to me!!!" And I did. But seriously who really means it when they I will be there for you when they won't?! If he or she would have only confided in me BUT they really do not mean that. Ask Robin Williams and other famous individuals who made others laugh/smile BUT made them laugh? Clark Carlisle I thank you.

Thanks for sharing David James

BIg respect to you Clarke Carlisle nothing to be ashamed off, you are an amazing person. Loved watching you at QPR and love you dealing with your struggles ( we all have them)

Damn. Glad people feel they can talk about this at least. Stigma only makes mental illness more lonely and shameful. Hope he hangs in there and overcomes this...whatever that looks like.

What a powerful & important documentary

Really good doc, people need to take note

One of the best documents I´ve ever seen. Clarke must have suffered a lot if he did what he did once again. I hope he´s ok soon, my thoughts are with him and his family.

Love this documentary shows what some players go thru, shows how a little comment by a fan can kill someone inside

Listen how David from the FA yet again body swerving the real issues... with naff sound bites! Great programme Clark!

What a nice chap, really hope he pulls through.

Incredible video. Thanks for sharing!

Great so glad you uploaded this missed it on the tele

does anyone know the song at 43:52???? please im really desperate to find the song

Get well soon buddy. Hope you get all the help you need, and there nothing to be ashamed about.

top video buddy,only if he had realized the priorities earlier you would have performed much much better/or not een depressed after defeat,but im glad it ended with that realization:) thank you for sharing,lovely insight into this topic,peace and love..

It’s great to see Clarke out & about doing great work! I applaud him, great work, keep strong. But, watching how these footballers from young have pressure put on them & their parents do the same to them, it’s too much!

In time you get stronger and become a.better person. Depression can be overcome

I feel bad for him...seems like a nice and intelligent guy.

well done Clark. Still deeply affected by Speedos death

I dont get why depressed people dont seek help earlier? Yes it may be embarrassing but its either suffer a bit of embarrassment by talking to a therapist or continue suffering for much longer?

thanks for posting this video!

I admire that the man at 14 minutes, used his wealth to help his family etc, what a shame that his good intentions made him feel suicidal. When you think of others who have had wealth and just wasted it. Sure this opinion will upset someone but hey ho

The Football League are now coming to grips with this idea of young men not making it and helping them. A company I work for give training all over the country in this area. I'm too old to take part but it's v encouraging. Don't think Premier League is bothered.

Hope you get through it buddy

My parents just had a talk with me that I need to pick different choices for highschool because I'll never become a footballer... The fact that my life long dream has been so mercilessly stamped on has given me a few suicidal thoughts. I've worked sooooo long to achieve my dream and I'm still not going anywhere. I don't want to be a journalist cause that's everyday just writing all day and all night. I want to play football all the time. 😪😪😪😪😪😪😪

gary speed always used to be my first signing on Championship manager on free transfer along with Gary Mcalister, good old days ;)

31:18 - clarke carlisle is such a wonderful human being.

Thanks for this video!

Watching with a fractured ankle and i just wanna play again

Superb watch.. Thoroughly enjoyed this

This guy has had it all nearly though, I mean its not like hes never realized his dream of becoming footballer. I got a mate who was destined to be great footballer, but he fucked it up for acting cocky with his skill, and always got set on at matches, they all went for his legs, now hes on the piss most days and I mean he is "depressed". Clarke Carlise acting like its the end of the world as soon as he looses a job and I mean its not even like his wife left him either, I mean she stuck by him. It just annoys me abit because theres is way worse shit that many others have been through to have really bad depression. I got depression and Ive truly fucked things up in my life, and admitted Ive contemplated ending it all many times, but way I see it, if God wants to take you, thats it. But then again maybe this is just the total randomness of life, because samething can then be said of Clarke, if he was truly meant to die at that point, he would have, so there it is. I hope he pulls through and gets himself sorted ofcourse, its just the guy really needs to see the shit that happens everyday in other peoples lives first before he think his life is bad.

Can someone please tell me the song at 10:48

Any one got depression n your fighting it every day your a strong person just need help from society

truly agree.. its truth that of all the kids who are trained, one hundred may end up becoming earning good money. everybody, the managers, the media, the commentators want to talk only about a few stars and finally say you are not worth much and make u take blame on urself...side effects of capatalistic entertainment....but u can be realistic and find money in other ways, become a coach, manager, something...

What an extraordinary chap! God bless!

Andy Campbell is now my P.E teacher :)

I imagine this sense of extreme ups and downs is common in all high pressure sports.

Respect to this man!

What's the name of the song @ 36:36?

moving.... thanks for the upload~

great doco. the german bundesliga model should be adopted or at least considered.. thank you for this upload.

This was emotional to watch

I'm not so sure on Lee Hendries story, i think it was more down to bad financial planning than psychological problems, if you were earning 40k a week why would you tie your money up in mortgages? essentially borrowing huge sums of money you won't have control over your own assets if your career suddenly ends. wait 3 weeks and by a modest house cash up front and go from there

The game has let you down big man get well soon

Great documentary!

thank you for this. :)

Does someone know the song that starts at 7:56?

Anybody know the song from 20:05?

I think the insulting remarks that passes for argument sums it all up. I wld love a proper exchange of views but being called an arrogant twat is not an encouraging start. The human condition is not called life it's how we react to life. If you reply no personal insults please.

Did Clarke never consider being a manager?

anyone know the song at 43:52?

anyone know the name of the opening song?

It is definitely Ian Brown FEAR, the Unkle Remix. You can get it on the album ''Remix of the Spheres''

your a good man with a lovely family best of luck .

My God Europe is SO far ahead of North America when it comes to mental health in sports. Treatment of mental illness is a fucking joke in North American sports.