for people who don't open up to others 

This could be me, I cant even open up to my best friend I'm always the funny friend but I went throught a few hard times and told noone but when someone has a problem I'll recognize it and listen to them (I'm pretty good at listening but not at telling)

tried opening up to people about how I was doing because I hated being fake and just telling people I was "fine". Then my "friends" started saying I was always in a bad mood. I must've done it wrong cause I eventually drove them away plus I gained zero actual emotional intimacy with those people. We're not friends anymore. I really wonder what the line between playing the victim and being vulnerable is cause I'm back to suffering in silence. If I say how I really feel it's "too much". People only want to be around me if i'm people pleasing and being the fun and exuberant me. So loneliness it is, since people cannot handle the real me and only accept fakeness anyway. I just talk to my mom, but she's my mom. I do want friends but any type of relationship is just painful.

I just can't. After this last time, I've been taught that opening up just lets people know the easiest ways to manipulate, use, and discard me and I'm over it. The idea that someone will be different is an absolute myth, and the sooner I accept that and stop expecting differently the happier I will be.

you are the first person i found who i can really relate to, honestly took the words out of my brain and put them into something i could never explain, thank you

this video woke me up and gave me the confidence to tell my friends about my problems

My gf is like this, that’s why I saw the video for, she has been going through so much stuff lately and I want to help her, watching this really helped, thank u a lot

I know this video is out over a year ago but this makes me feel understood. Growing up, I have a hard time expressing myself. Heck, even commenting this right now is making me feel vulnerable. Knowing that there is someone who also knows how it feels to be like this makes me relieved. You literally described everything what I couldn't form in my head. Thank you so much for this video.

I feel like I’m looking in a mirror.

I feel like you're reading my mind

You’ve definitely put in the words that I’ve been feeling. It got so bad I had to look up how to open up to others. It’s SOOOO fucking hard for me and I resonated with everything you said. I think deep down I’m scared of rejection or someone using something again me. Glad to see I’m not alone, even though I feel like I am sometimes

As I watched this video, I have come to realize that seeking help from other people is indeed better than dealing with it yourself and I'm also aware now that opening up to others does not only put you at ease but also improves your relationship with that person and I couldn't have thought about this without your video miss, so thank you ^^

A lot of us learned how to be closed bc we were open to the wrong people, who either didn't care, used that information to harm us, or abandoned us after learning we werent perfect and actually have issues. I'm also a person who struggles with any form of vulnerability (to the point where I can count the people I talk to on one hand, literally and I'm not even very vulnerable with them) but I'm learning to share slowly. And one thing that is important to realize: a lot of people are self-centered. That is just a fact, they would happily share but they might not care to hear your issues. There are also some people who are good natured but just...dont know what to do with your information. Acknowledge them, but avoid sharing with them. They might be good friends with other stronger qualities. But there are also people who are good listeners and care. Take care of them when you find them, bc they probably feel the same as you

This is me. I'm older, and the habits are so solid that I don't think it'll ever change. But I'm not happy or sad about it. Thanks for sharing this.

This is exactly how I feel! Feels good knowing someone else feels my way

Im all you said + im extremely shy and everyone thinks im the fun and perfect but I can't handle and it has gotten to self harm and suicidal thoughts

long walks help so much !!!!! Thank you for putting this out it feels good to relate

Thank you Tamryn, this really helped me when I was down❤️

Everything you mentioned in this video is literally me, from the keeping things to myself and being there for people but not helping myself to the long nature walks this is literally me, but I don't know how/I don't have the courage to open up to anyone. But I'm glad you have found the courage to open up

As a person that struggles comprehending vulnerability I’d like to thank you for explaining that so well. My gf constantly wanted me to be more vulnerable but I didn’t even know what that meant. Even reading the definition didn’t help me. Thank you!

Always have kept in my emotions and lately I’ve been lashing them on my girlfriend and she’s at the point of thinking I have 2 different sided, today I’m gonna tell her everything that makes me upset, things that I’ve never told anybody. I hope with will be better for the both of us because I believe she’s the one ❤️

I have never seen the way i think and feel explained so well. Thank you so much for sharing, this is incredibly valuable.

Thanks for opening up! My boyfriend passes through the same thing and, since he doesn’t feel comfortable to share his feelings, I was struggling to understand his point of view and what was going on. Now I understand things better and thanks to your kind words about how you feel, now I get to see things clearly! xoxo ❤️ From Brazil 🇧🇷

just found this video while i searching up to how to open up with people. i struggle a lot to open up with people. mostly it's because i'm afraid that i looked vulnerable or people consider me as a weak person. i can relate through your story. sometimes i trying really hard to finally tell people what i feel about something and ended up overthingking it because i feel oversharing. i realize that this behavior is detrimental. i struggle a lot and don't know how to ask help. it's hard for me to make people comfortable with me. i aware about it and often ask my self what is wrong with me. sometimes it's make me insecure. but i believe that i can handle this slowly and make my self to be more confident. thank you for sharing this video!

Maynee 100% of what u described about yourself, they all just hit me all at once like. It’s like u were describing what I go thru mentally without any details. Thanks this is really helping me I’m going thru a lot as a male and to hear this from another gender it makes me feel like I shouldn’t hide anymore when you know the truth before u let others know about it💙

I’m the same way for sure! Ever since I was little I have not been able to open up to people. I don’t completely understand why but I’ve always been that way. I just don’t like people seeing that side of me I guess. I open up every once in a while but even when I’d open up on a Facebook post, I’d block my family, anyone who knows my family really well, and people who care from seeing my posts. I always regret telling someone because I feel like they see me differently. As someone who only thinks about myself and who has so many problems and it’s not always the best or the right time to open up to someone. Some people will make it obvious that something is wrong but will say they’re fine and won’t talk about it. But for me, people don’t even know anything is wrong. I’ve grown so numb and think that my problems aren’t a big deal because even though I may tell someone something and may seem so upset about it, once they show they care, it feels like my problems aren’t that big anymore and it’s not because I talked it out and felt better, it’s because I regret telling them. And because keeping my feelings bottled up has caused me to be used to everything that goes on with me. Yea I react to it but internally. Some people have those close friends or significant other they can share their whole life with, I don’t

Hi! I just wanted to thank you for uploading this video. I have been struggling for a long time now and I often feel like I can't do it anymore but seeing your video and all of the comments actually really helped me because I don't feel this alone anymore because I know that I'm not the only one feeling like this. So thank you very much for being so honest!

I feel like you just opened my eyes to how my friend thinks, thank you very much.

That was exactly what I was complaining about to my case worker and I've been confused... I can't believe you're basically expressing the thoughts I want to try to understand. Thank you. I feel better I'm not alone ; - ; You might be bipolar like me, too? Also you're very charming and I didn't feel the time of the video at all because every word was meaningful. EDIT: I survived years of homelessness and traumas alone eversince growing up, but without support aside from myself by my side, which explains why I'm the best psychiatrist to me and I just don't know how to be with people... I distrust people because of pain from everyone around me and the bullies. But I'm on the way to healing and really needed this. If I can do it, if you can do it, we can do it.

In a game, I chat with people and try to open up with them and introduced myself and they introduced themselves so when I joke with them friendly many are offended and say to me I judge people according to their age when in reality I just get shocked and say to them you are mature and talk good. But I'm a sensitive person and introvert who try to make a new friend but gets stuck in that. That's when I every time remember I'm an introvert I'm good alone❤

So relatable, crying while walking. Thank you, for some reason I feel understood 🙏🏼

thank you for sharing this. It's really good to know I'm not alone on unable to show vulnerability.

I never understood why people need to see a vulnerable side of people like why is it so important for everyone to know that side of you?

Thank you, nothing you said in this video was alien to me or the way I feel. I know it’s three years old, but I hope you can see this comment and know that your video is the top suggestion when searching up “why can I not open up”.

this was not a waste of time. idk if my computer is listening into me or you're in my walls but the fact that this resonated with me so much is insane- this is exactly what has been on my mind. thank you for this, it really helps. you're not alone either and we're here for you ! :)

I can relate to this completely. Not able to share with anyone has a lots of demerits. It can weaken your relation with your friends, family, siblings, partner. Can leave a heavy toll on heart, mind and body. We tend to adjust with the suffering but in reality it does no good. PTSD, anxiety, depression, existential crisis are the results

Thank you that’s exactly how I feel. Thank you so much for this video. It made me feel so much better.

Thank you for sharing and showing me a better way.

Thanks for sharing! You hit it RIGHT ON THE NAIL, @Tamryn!!! Very brave of you to put your thoughts out there and share a part of you that is quite relatable to many others. That’s a sign of INNER WORK + GROWTH! 👏🏽👏🏽 I have a friend that I’m just recognizing that she’s exactly as you’ve described. She’s REALLY great at listening and being a support to me, but then puts up a wall and doesn’t open up much when I try to do the same for her. And like you said… it’s FAKE! - and no proper connection or friendship can be formed that way! 🙅🏽‍♀️ I know I’m going to have to have that hard conversation & point it out to her next time I talk to her. Because, if I don’t bring it up or say anything, SHE will keep avoiding it and also won’t say anything. That will just enable her to just keep repeating this behavior. However she takes it, will be on her. But at least, I’ll know that I’ve done my part of being a KIND friend. My intention is to help her see this is a pattern that is NOT serving her and that it doesn’t work for me. I DON’T want one-sided situationships; I thrive on two-sided, RECIPROCAL relationships! That’s what I want to attract into my life! It’s probably happening in her other relationships too, and that she has the power to come out of her comfort zone and CHANGE it, if she wants more fulfilling connections and relationships.

I love how you talk about the thought trap of "looking at it objectively". I think oftentimes we think we're seeing things in an unbiased way, but that is a lot of times not true. My therapist has been explaining how every decision should be made up of logic and emotion working together. Using only one can lead to a false perception of the nature of things. I also love the brick wall you provide by saying, "You're being disingenuous by not being yourself". Ouch, that hurt, but so true. I have a habit of changing who I am by what I think others want of me, but this is no basis for a healthy relationship. Sometimes it's good to hear that from others, so thank you.

I was you . And I can truly fully understand what you mean . Logic and internalisation helps me . One thing I have realised is that this stems from my childhood .... where my preference wasn't the most valued or validated and so very early on as a child I decided to bottle it all in.... Later in life , I made some decisions that were not for me ; I did not pay attention or consider what I was feeling and just went with what made the most sense. I'm now on the other end , where I have shared everything I wanted to share (took 3 years of baby steps) and am dealing with the consequences .... the consequences are not the most comfortable and are stressfull, but at the same time, It's my truth and it couldn't be more liberating ! Thanks a ton for sharing 😊

AAAHHH! Probably the most relatable vid!!! UH! I struggle VERY much with vulnerability. And I am also a good listener to people, I won't say much feedback, but am there for them. And I feel inadequate because I always feel like I don't have enough or right things to say especially if I can't relate to their issue, but people like to open, and I just a celt that somehow I create that atmosphere of trust or peace for them to open up, which I appreciate, but I can almost NNNEVER be as vulnerable, it's hard. But this video helps encourage me to trust as much as they trust me, and in time have them listen to me (...and believe they won't judge me, but accept me as I do them). I think really fear judgement 😩 What an amazing and SPECIAL video....THANK YOU SO much...and thanks for everyone sharing❤❤

I literally feel same, all of it is just true for me thanks for this

I kind of also find it selfish that people do stuff like this, especially for people who care because if we hang out all the time and it’s always fun and parties literally on a separate myself because the only thing we do is have fun and party and it’s not literally on the real real, it’s like only time when I hang out with you is when I feel like partying because that’s all I see you do. Also, that’s like how we chill, so how am I supposed to be a friend and I’m cleaning you as a friend 10+ years and I don’t feel like I’m your friend in the same way I feel like you’re my friend

You have inspired me to create my own RU-vid channel dedicated for finding similar people that also needs help and empathy, I'm really grateful I've found you, you're awesome 🙂💓

This made me feel seen and so much better and thank you so much. ❤❤

i need more of this please

I’m a cancer and I feel like you and me are from one soul!!!! I’ve felt like this my entire life! Due to many circumstances, for example my parents and siblings! But I got through it, and now I’ve been married for 7 months to a man I’ve known for 3 years and I feel like this too towards my husband. But for some reason when I’m able to actually express how I’m feeling and speak what’s on my mind, even if it’s doesn’t cause damage I feel like it does cause damage which is another reason why I don’t speak much! But gurlllllllllll I’m so happy to have discovered you!

You are amazing. You are the person that I want to be friends with and share my feelings.

I'm so glad I came across this video! This fits me too a tee!

when you said you were a piscesi laughed because i had got that vibe from early on, im one as well, but what i can say about you, i share about myself is, we are very nervous when it comes to starting out conversations, but once we get going, we are great speakers and very understandable in what we say. you did great ! i know its a old video but it still helped haha

Very helpful insight. I can relate with a lot of points you made, including the self-analyzing and self-criticizing part. Thank you for sharing, have an excellent day.

Omg I resonate with each and every thing you mentioned. I don’t know how I feel about this

I have no idea why would this show up on my feed but the timing was just right. I was always the type to bottle up my feelings because (like you said) I'd be perceived as weak but recently I opened up to a friend and it just felt amazing, as if I got rid of some weight on my chest. Knowing that someone will be there for you is as good as it sounds on paper! Thanks for this video.

Yours is an old video that only came up in my feed today, but I hope the fact you recognised this while still only 19 gave you a good chance to combat it. I also hope that you've recognised and found pride in the fact that your reluctance to open is driven by your empathy instead of fear of a cruel and uncaring world. But "everything in moderation", sadly that includes our desire to care for and nurture others. I am in my fourties and have tried on and off to combat my wall for...well, actually two decades now, because I started being aware of this problem when I was your age. But I was never consistent, I started and stopped, opened and closed, all the time. I'm...better, at least. But I hope you've been far better at it than me. Well wishes from a random old man on the internet.

Long walks are criminally underrated. If you don't feel comfortable sharing with friends, consider therapy.

Thanks you so much I knew that I wasn’t such a wired person and that there is someone that understands and Someone out there that is similar to me.

i literally coukd never do this. It takes me so much energy to just do any of this or open up. I prefer not to, and i rather ppl watch from a distance and to not interact. I love containinh everything. Also, i totally relate to you

Exactly how I feel.. wow u hit the nail on the spot

thank you so much for sharing this

Happy birthday pisces ❤

literally said everything i couldn’t.

Thank you for sharing this! :-) helped alot

Thank you for this. I wish youtube would show more authentic videos like this, not self improvement stuff. In a world where people are losing connection with each other, many of us are growing up without it and never learn it's ok share how we feel.

This is a part of me, Thank you☺

Thanks. I needed this

Bro this was so relatable and I was going to send this to people until she brought up astrology

Sucks for me, cause maori the time when I put my walls down, became vulnerable and open up to someone, I always get crushed, hurt and betrayed and it takes me a while to get over it especially when it’s someone I actually loved. Honestly, I need to better myself and think before being vulnerable with someone and read them before doing it cause it hurts so bad

Thank youfor sharing this.

The Miranda warnings (“You have the right to remain silent, anything you can say can be used against you”) apply far beyond their original context, that being when the cops get ahold of you. They are very good life advice as well

i feel so down lately ... hardly to express myself

I’ve built up such a wall that I put up a fake personality that everyone hates now I struggle to be myself around people

thank you, thank you. 💗

thanks for this video ❤❤

I feel like just wording your feelings can also make you feel a lot better, just like she said in the video. There are certain things that I don't want to share with my friends so I share it on the internet where no one knows me. Even if no one replies to my concerns, I atleast feel like I understand myself a bit more and by doing that again and again, I find an excuse to forgive myself.

Heyo, I didn’t watch the video and have skipped this attempt to help me. I decided to come back to quickly leave an apology, because I dunno, I just feel bad about not watching your video I guess- It’s nothing personal, I’m certain the video and advice are excellent, thank you for putting it out there in the first place Madam 👍

i finnaly find a evidence for my reasons in life why i feel like that tank you for this i need this btw this video showed up and i clicked in like 1 second after reding the title thank kutgw!!!!

opening up has something I have done, but pretty often whenever I do, there's always been an 80% chance the response will start with "well maybe..." which kills off my vulnerability and puts me back into compartmentalizing because usually I don't want immediate help (yet) or judgement, I just want to talk to someone, and having someone who listens and is present is all the safety I need.

i can't believe there is another person who feels exactly the same. every word you said just made so much sense to me i feel so relieved and understood thankyou so much

I cannot tell you how bad I want to open up right now. I'm so desperate for it. It's such a curse. People come up to me all the time and get their shit sorted. I listen to others. People feel comfortable around me. They share. Ask for advices. But I on the other hand is such a sick person. I can't talk about what I'm going through. Idk why. I have always dealt with my problems myself mostly. I have the greatest friends whom I can trust and can easily share but I just can't. And if I do, i get hit by instant waves of regret. I wish i wasn't like this. I wish i could talk to people and open my heart out 😭

I'm late to the party but whatever. I so get this. I went years being the "fun chill friend" even when I also had four horrific, god awful shitty things happen in my life, five if you count the global trauma of COVID happening at the same time too. It was only in the last month that I finally decided to stop with the bullshit wall I had up. Now I'm chipping away at opening up to others, because life feels so lonely even when you have friends when you have that wall up- and it's because you're right, in that case your relationships are somewhat fake because you're not really connecting or being you fully. It is so so important to do exactly what you said- find someone, whoever it is, and tell them what it is that's bothering you. You'll feel so much better. My first "hey I am not ok" text I sent to one of my friends a couple weeks ago felt so good to send, I can't even tell you. It's worth it.

You describe me perfectly and it is very helpfull you are the first one who This not explains like were idiots. I graduated last week and i have told no one i Am the quiet child at home

I don't open up to others because when I used to I got criticized and because I was a guy if I cried I got the "real men don't cry" I taught myself how to never cry. I only really realized that until my dog died and I just couldn't bring myself to crie. Not even my best freinds or parents know me. I started blocking out the good things to, I became a shell of a person. I understand that this is all my fault but to people who were in my shoes and actually bothered to read all this how do I get out of this

When you open up to someone for once they like to assume that you're always in that mood no matter how much they know you.

I appreciate this video

Hello gorgeous sista girl❤ i finally understand how to open my heart and be vulnerable with the right people.

I have a problem opening up to people. At times I go or I've gone through problems and issues similar or almost similar to those I see/hear those close to me make uncomfortable comments on during our casual conversations. From family to the most friends of the few I have. This limits my possibility of making new friends because I subconsciously think all people are the same even when I feel I could be wrong.

this was very helpful to me... thank you...

Thank you ❤️

You're a sweet heart.

You are beautiful. Thanks love.

thankyou

So beautiful

i opened up to someone the first time. i feel so uneasy i just can’t i’m so scared

OMG I found my twin. It is such a coincidence because I was talking about this topic with one of my friends today. I've decided to open up counsciously

love this

I feel you…

The problem is if you don't have someone you can talk to. I feel so lonely. Idk if it's normal but there are moments when I feel like a queen and then I'm alone. No one is there. It's so sad T^T. I feel like no one cares about me. My only friend was/is a bad person that's why I ended the friendship. I wanted to make new friends but this girl literally turned around and was like: "Byebye I never wanted to be friends with you." The worst thing is that she wants to become friends with an old friend and that's ok but what about me "-"? "You want to become friends with someone who was your friend and hope that they're better but you don't want to be friends with a funny, beautiful, smart, etc. person? Another person I tried to be friends with only talks to me if I look good. The other one will not open up to me. I'm sitting in my room and I'm thinking how do I make friends again? I can't open up. My life is not boring but I don't feel good telling people about my life. What if they use what I say against me? It's so depressing! My parents don't care about me but then they do (?). My sister changed and is only blaming me for things that don't even matter. I just hope I'll become friends with someone 😭. Am I expecting too much from life? 'v' (I'm literally dieing because of loneliness xD)

I feel the same thing and it hurts alot

I know I should, but it’s hard. I’ve put up such a wall that I really don’t care to share my inner thoughts anymore.

I totally relate to you. I do the same everytime.