How To Build Closer Friendships 

What are 3 of the qualities you appreciate in a friend?

I've always been the flakey friend who doesn't initiate contact as often. I feel like I've been a very self-centered asshole for a very long time. I don't have very many friends now... and it's my own damn fault. Friends aren't going to stick around if you aren't willing to put in the effort to show them they are important to you. Hard realization for me to swallow, glad I finally figured it out. Better late than never? These videos are slowly changing my life. Thank you.💓

I can tell you would be a good friend. You have a very sweet and gentle spirit.

It is hard to find friends that you connect with...but SO worth it.

Making friends is a great struggle for me too. Thank you for talking about it.

I shared this to my Facebook feed. I know very few people who don't struggle with this. One tip I learned is if you want a friend, be a friend.

In major cities, here are some reasons it is hard to make friends: 1) People are suspicious and defensive 2) They tend to be more transient 3) Busy lives = little time 4) Many seem to be here for the purposes of self-promotion, not personal connection 5) Habits and routines ...I could go on, but the point is it can be extremely difficult. I'm trying Meet-Up groups, I have tried years of other activities including church, and I'm very self-aware and very good with people. But it is still incredibly, unbelievably difficult.

For me trustworthy, genuine, wide variety of interest, not superficial, not overwhelming me with one and the same problems over and over again. I'm happy to have found 2 really good friends. They are just like me, just human, but we can laugh about our own stupidity. We can be serious about stuff that matters and always be there to have an open hart. It took some years but it's worthwhile to put effort in a steady friendship.

1.Meet new people in community and share interest 2.Show interest in people 3.Going to events and workshops to find similar ppl 4.Having do nothing friends 5.Strike up conversation with ppl 6. Let yourself be open to new experience 7. Try new things 8. Be patient 9. Not worry about much fitting in ( be yourself) 10. Be comfortable - Did it feel good or not 11. Donot take it personally

My problem is I want friends who are on the same mature level, or spiritual level. We are not compatible with everyone.

You’re so right . as a single woman, I was very upset when a lot of the men in my family passed away, so I wanted to make some male friends and my therapist suggested meet up. now I go to a lot of meet up activities mainly karaoke. I listen to the blues I go to open mic night and I go to Comedy. I also took a comedy class in stand up . I have been doing it for about a year and a half. I have a lot of male friends now. I am much happier now. than I was before and only that first karaoke song was difficult. Plus there’s something to do almost every night of the week! Thank you for your advice I love the sound of your voice . It is very pleasant. 😊❤️👍🏼🌈

Get out of my head Julia!!!!! I just moved to a small town a few days ago. I’m a small business owner so I went to the chamber of commerce today. From there I met people who invited me to other things like the the Rotary club. They also let me know of other people I should meet and connect with. I was also thinking about taking a cooking class at the local community college. 😆

Thank you for this video!! Trying to make friends can be hard especially when you are working on improving your mental health. I feel more ready to be open to friendships and start small. I love your videos! You have a great ability to connect with people. The way you give advice with personal experience and psychology is extremely helpful. You make me feel more empowered and give me tools to be a happier me. 😊 Before this, I was having a really hard time thinking making meaningful friendships just wasn't something I am capable of doing right now.

I'm recently disabled and my body abled friendships have just gone away because I'm not fun anymore. I'm extremely lonely and confused that I've become so disposable.

I'm so blessed. I have a group of friends that I have been close and connected with since I have been 2. I'm 61. As an adult, have not found the same connections. I have good acquaintances as an adult, but not the same level of friendship. I moved to a city where people are so transient. Miss my hometown.

As a kid I was bullied and beaten up by others some of whom I thought were friends. So all through life I have had a hard time making friends. Thank you Julia for this great advice. I have just started a new relationship and it is amazing how that pushes back all the fear. I am going to open myself up and believe in myself. Thank you, your channel is fantastic

"If you struggle to make friends as an adult you are NOT alone" Uhhh.... I am alone, that's why I'm here LOL!

Very insightful. I am a senior lady and no one is friendly. I live on Vancouver Island. Everyone seems to be so fussy about friendship.

I shared this with a friend of mine. Neither of us were taught how to have a healthy relationship of any kind. I have been sharing other videos from your channel with her, too. I think that we are learning together. Your videos and really helping me.

Your channel is helpful in so many ways! I find that maintaining friendships is also hard because work and family life can keep you so busy. But those were great ideas on how to connect with people.

Hi Julia! This is amazing and solid advice. Thank you. I plan to share this with a friends who is struggling to fit in at their workplace. My advice is, Never let someone steal you Inner Shining light, and You be You. I think they will enjoy this video. You Rock! 🙌🏼

This gives me so much more hope. I’m almost 23, and I had a girl group at the beginning of high school, but my friendships kind of died down and over time. Making friends in college has been hard, and I do think I could have made more of an effort. But it’s never too late, and I’m ready to put myself out there more so I can live my best life!

Hi Julia, it's Alicia commenting on your video on friendships. As I watched your video, I struggle with making new friends, but I still enjoy what you go into detail about your personal story.

Thank you Julia, your content is always better the 2nd and 3rd time around or more! One of your biggest fans 🙏❤️

The third case scenario rings most true for me- of being at a certain developmental point in need of some uplifting friends. Also I am 30, and distant from most of my friends.

TY for the great info! I just said this last week - "no man is an island" - lol. Introvert & tomboy all my life, now finding it extremely difficult (at 48) to find good friends - women or men. Life begins outside of your comfort zone, right?

Can you do a video on outgrowing friends from high school/ college and how to deal with it. There is a lot of guilt knowing there is no longer a connection.

Hi Julia, I look forward to your videos and can't wait to watch when I see my notification. I always learn something each time. Happy Friday 💕

What is difficult is maintaining a positive attitude about yourself,, rebuilding yourself and trying to establish new friendships . Either people's words don't match their actions. Feel like I"m going through a "purge" of people that don't serve my best interests. (dignity, mental wellbeing)

I just started watching these videos a couple days ago. I really appreciate the wisdom and motivation you provide. This helps me a lot.Thanks Julia.

Since my friend told me about you, I have told so many people about you. You are fantastic. Thank you

Gm -I was referred to your channel by my therapist and I am so absolutely happy that I found you. I listen to you while at work and so many things that you say resonate with me. In this particular video with resonated with me was not putting my expectations on others. I have learned that if you don’t have a high expectation, the disappointment is far less. I’m also learning to put myself out there a little bit more and getting to know others and being more open to letting them see who I really am. I just wanted to say hello and thank you for your content and I have subscribed to your channel I hope you have an amazing rest of your week.

omg i was feeling down about my friendship situation and totally about to give up and be sad but you motivated me to keep going thanks Julia

Thank you, Julia! Your mom group sounds fun and like a great support system. I still have a group of mom friends, even though our kids have all gone different directions in life, we are still close. But friends do go through changes. I lost my husband and one of my friends wasn't sure she could still have me in her life because I would now be a single mom. Recently another friend was diagnosed with cancer. Our priorities shift and change in these situations. I really wanted some new friends. I love to dance and joined a dancing group. Thinking about your words- I just feel good about myself there and feel confident to talk to people before and after the group. other experiments (with committees) didn't feel as successful, because I don't feel as good about myself around those people. Important to think about. Thank you for the pointers!

Thank you so much. I really appreciate these reminders and pointers. 💙

Anyways, thank you as always Julia - for telling us about your stories and giving us those psychological tips. Your videos always help me one way or another, in this case I get to know what I'm doing is working and the right way. Thank you :D!! (And yes, I also did what you did, and it really works, here's my few life-long but super besties with me!!!)

THANK YOU JULIA 😊 💓! YOUR THE BEST!!

Thank you for this!! I'm so glad that I gave it a try 💕

You are sooooo good at what you are doing. And i appreciate your energy you are putting in doing it. You are very clear at explaining things so fluent. Loved hearing you. I have heard many over this topic. However, the way you explained it is appreciative. You are wonderful. Keep it up 😍👍

I really really enjoyed this video!! I found myself in a lot of things that you said and I'm definitely trying your tips!

Love that your talking about this, I struggle with finding friends! But I'm still trying 😊 love your videos girl@

I love this video so much! Thank you!!!

Thank you, Julia. I really appreciate you and your choices.

I already feel better after watching this video. I was taking down notes to remind myself of these tips. Thanks for sharing ❤️

Thank you so much! This is very helpful!😀

Thank you for a great talk on a very difficult topic.

wow, what a wonderful video. Thank you for your enthusiasm and advice :)

I go to a Psych Social Rehab program and that's where I have made most of my friends. I have made a few also from being in groups that are related to other clubhouses in the general area. I'm not good at social interactions but I've gotten better. I really enjoy going to my clubhouse and representing them in meetings and outings. I have made friends that way and I've also grown a lot of self confidence.

I thank you so much for this video. I can relate. I've had friends come in and out of my life for different reasons. I find it hard to make friends in my age. And I'm doing my best to finde new friends.

T.hanx for your straight talking and informative communication

I really enjoyed this massage, I got a lot out of it. Thank you so much

I found once I finished work, I had no friends, all my friendships were work related or child related through the childrens sports or activities. I found an online group of ladies around my age and we meet every week for coffee. We are a diverse range of personalities, but we all have had the same trouble finding and meeting friends our age. Its been two and half years since we met up and they have been wonderful support for me personally, as I struggled with domestic abuse and escaping.

Awh that’s such an awesome story 💖!

Ooo thank you for this Julia, this is something I really needed. I've been struggling to find people I connect with for several years now. I really need to work on that whole "just put yourself out there without expectations" thing. Just last week I was walking through a local park alone and I happened to see someone I probably could've connected with - but I let my social anxiety get the best of me and I didn't start up a conversation. I've been kicking myself about that ever since. It can be hard to know how to start up a conversation with a stranger though. Anyway, hopefully I'll learn to get beyond that. Thanks for a helpful video!

Than you. Good stuff.

We connect really nicely Julia Kristina. You are such a sunshine! :)

Dale Carnegie wrote a book called How to Win Friends. A very helpful book. I read it every year because it has such good stories.

I needed to hear this

Thank you so much, for this video . I been living in my head and I had to get out of it , thank God I was not alone on that feeling. But hearing you speaking on issue affecting my ability, I was force to make changes. Again thank you ONE MILLION>>>

SO needed to hear this! But what’s happening in my case is the friendships I have had over the years suddenly drop off. If it’s me, I’m not aware, and am open to hearing about them. It’s TOTALLY making me weird and feel VERY disconnected, tired, anxious, even depressed. I’m set to become an empty nester and was divorced a few years ago. Though I have a good time with my BF he’s got lots going on in his life and works a ton. I also need more balance- it’s not healthy to be attached to him only. The other issue is not having work. I’ve felt SO stuck for years! Even trying many things. Feeling quite dejected even though I’m upbeat as a person

Because I my past-I find it impossible to not conform to others expectations. I’m sure they are as much my expectations for myself as to conform to fit in a group. It’s too hard to risk relationship and not trade that out for authenticity.

Great video! Thanks.

Thank you 🦋

Great video. Thankyou

Thats Great. I feel the same way. I just turned 28 TODAY So Im Glad its not too late to Find My Tribe

Thank you for this video.

THANKS for this topic!!!! Im 38, happily married and have 8 wonderful kids. I’m a teacher (just got told I’ll be fired at the end of the school year. I had no idea that was coming) and no time for friends or activities but I still really really miss not having any friends.

Another good video. Looking forward to the follow up. I always feel insecure when I’m the one making the most effort in a relationship. I try not to take it personally but sometimes I think, “why should I care more than they care?”

Thank u for making this video ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

All great wisdom on finding friends! I am pretty good at meeting people or making friends, but seems I can’t keep them for long. I’m trying to look at patterns... things I’ve done in past friendships to sabotage the relationship.

Belonging is about being who I am!!

Julia you are so nice. Refreshing to listen to you. You are a nice kind person. I live in Nanaimo. Not friendly here.

Although I really feel bad with alot of myself and what has happened and what's happening with my life, but I can say I do have a few friends that are all worthy of all my struggles and toughness to go through the world.... Not to mention they are the people I used to be so freaggin' annoyed with in the past! But right now we're so darn close with each other :)

Thank you,

I love your story

I love all you work 🙏👍👍

You're so cute and I'm so proud of you for going out to make friends. I'd like to do something similar but I'm currently having issues with abusive individuals in the building, so I need to get rid of them first (boundaries!). I'd LOVE to do something similar. I'm happy for you. You deserve it! Can't wait to get on with my life. I'm willing to work hard at this. PS good thing you mentioned the tit-for-that dynamic, it's useful - I will keep your advice in mind (note to self: monitor emotions, if something or someone doesn't feel right; RETREAT!) I've had an a-ha moment. And what you've said still applies to me but in a different area of life. PPS your support is invaluable and tailored to my needs, thanks a bunch! And yes, don't take it personally when things don't work out. Be mature about it. Ppl have a right to say no. It's up to us to be a good friend to ourselves. Be comfortable alone first, and then connect with others. It happens effortlessly when we know ourselves, are kind to ourselves and feel deserving. Working on feeling worthy is key. Then it's a matter of knowing what we like and head out and do our thing in a suitable environment and connect with those we are genuinely compatible with. For me, the main issue is breaking free from an abusive situation. So that's a matter of boundaries, self respect and determination.

You need to find out what makes you PASSIONATE. (no exclamation mark). Honour your spirit. THEN - go find it! And the other people involved in that. Go from there. Some of them will piss you off. Others will be like you - or have that level of enthusiasm. It's a GREAT start. You are following your spirit! BRILLIANT! Honour your spirit. It is your RIGHT.

Julia, this was just terrific. Thanks so much. Have you done work with chronic pain sufferers? Seems I think they have an added dimension of difficulty along these lines.

Thank you, my ego does get in the way. Iam going to reconnect with some people I may have pushed away.

That part about not fitting in resonates well with me. I've heard some people say they recognize me as someone who "marches to the beat of his own drum." In fact, it reminds me of something I've seen on a bumper sticker. "You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same."

Honesty. Empathy. Humor.

Great video. Meet up groups are good. I would like to say making friends with coworkers is really something to be cautious about because if there is a falling out you will have to deal with that all day everyday at work. Just my opinion

I live in Victoria. It’s very cliquey here too. I’ve never made friends easily, as I’m quite reserved and have trust issues. Also, I’ve been betrayed by quite a few people. So, I tend not to have many close friends. And, really, I can’t be bothered maintaining friendships, only to be betrayed later. Hmmm...food for thought. 😁

I am finding it easy to make friends for the first time in my life at age 58. Just all of my interests are in groups. All closed now, because of the Virus, but we stay together in Zoom meetings. I have met people all over the world this way. People I would never have met any other way. I have seen shy people blossom in online meetings because you can just listen at first, and gradually get your feet wet. I bet some of these people will go to face to face meetings when we can be together in person again. I go to meditation meetings. Yoga classes. Stoicism discussions. 2 photography clubs. They can be found on Facebook, and many other forums. I sure miss Aikido, but we won’t be able to have a full contact class for a long while. What do you like doing? Julia is right.

I am a bit picky and know I have a bit of a wall at times. I can come off as an extrovert and have people, men and women, ask for my number and want to get together...but I rarely want to. I can connect to almost anyone, short term. Given my past and being burned, giving too much and attracting narcissist types, I am very cautious. Hugely, most people I don’t feel can relate to much of what I’m going through. Daily routines, relationships, holidays are so different due to some unorthodox realms and a child with health needs that require I stay at home. Additionally I became a grandmother early, and have family with various mental health issues, where I’ve had to intervene for the children. Having other losses along the way...and I find, while I can open up to people I’ve know a while & my counselor, it’s edited and I often cut myself off and ask how they are doing after I worry I’ve shared too much sad stuff. I am a master of the happy face in most situations. I appear like an extrovert in most social situations, despite anxiety...but I recover best alone. For survival, I learned to attend to others, make them feel good, make them laugh and smile. It’s taken a long time to try to get out of that, and connect to my authentic core. I only desire true, authentic people, who I can be real with...people who don’t buy into many of the false narratives spoon fed to us by society, family, religion. When there is a deep connection it feels like nothing else...and when there is huge disconnection, it is lonelier than any of my alone moments.

How do u make closer friendships in high school? I have friends but none of them r the really close friends who i can depend on we're just on small Conversation level and none of them seem to be interested in anything more than that

Dear Babs, I don't think that's always true. My limited need for other people makes my life easier and happier. I think that's a lucky situation to be in. Jean Paul Sartre is my homeboy.

Great video Julia! I feel like my “group” sizes are limited to 3, including myself. I’m more introverted and a lot better at close individual friendships than group settings. But I’ve always craved the strong belonging from being in a group. Is this a problem of self-acceptance of my natural tendencies, or one where I should strive to put myself “out there” to form a group?

What if you "want" to push people away?

Can you make more video on this topic plz

Mom Gang 🐇That's cute !!! Lov your advise! Thankyou

Good stuff. Thanks again

HELLO AND SHARED

Find the ppl you want to set up camp with ❤

lol oh I live in Palm beach gardens Florida...you can have a ton of friends ....as long as they can gain SOMETHING from you! Maybe its like that everywhere?! But difficult to strike up conversations, or friendships - as a lot of the people are from New York around here, and if I talk to them they look at me like I have 3 heads...lol

Hi I'm new I think I found your channel searching about passive aggressive people pleasers and how to deal with them 😌

You r the sweetest

I like to hear your personal stories.

I love people. And I really, really like to learn about people. But I prefer to have deep, meaningful conversations. A lot of the people I meet seems to be self-obsorbed and shallow.