Hey guys! Just wanted to let you know that my new book, Things That Matter, is finally here. I put my heart into it, and I can’t wait to share it with you. You can pick up a copy at www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/676394/things-that-matter-by-joshua-becker/
The adult children in our family have been trying to get my mother-in-law to do no presents for adults for years (grandkids exempt). She's always "forgotten" and left us scrambling to gift her something as well...finally this year, after we brought it up a few times, this mild-mannered lady lost it - "I just want to give my kids gifts!!" Due to friends and her own siblings going gift-less, she had no one to give presents to, and gift-giving is her love language. I'm so glad she told us - it makes it easy to happily accept whatever she gifts us (and we know to plan to give her something) instead of resenting that she doesn't stick to the plan. To her, gift-giving is ruined if we provide a list because we essentially know what we're getting and there's no surprise, so I've learned to let that go, too - if she happens to give us something we can't use, we warmly thank her and find a good home for it. And when she gets us something we really like or need, all the better!
We don't make lists for people nor do we ask for one. We aren't big gift givers as a whole, even in extended family, mostly just for the kids. But, if we do receive a gift, we genuinely smile and say thank you. They thought about you and wanted to show love. There's no rule that says you have to keep it. I do this with hand me down things to our family from grandparents who want to bless us and downsize their possessions. Thank you! And then donate what we don't need later. Nobody needs to know.
#4 is a great point. But as an idea for people who do understand... my wife and I have a tradition between ourselves we call "Edible Cristmas". Instead of spending on the usual kinds of gifts we stock up on good cheeses, cold cuts, bagels, smoked salmon, fruits, nuts, etc. and anything we like which is a bit too expensive to be everyday foods. These are our gifts to each other. And we enjoy these basically through New Year's. It's festive and fun and really cuts down on cooking and dishwashing. And there's nothing taking up space when we're done.
My kids always have and always will receive a "hamper" if you will, with all their fave treats, personal care items, and anything else I pick up along the way throughout the year. It's not the most extravagant gift but they sure appreciated it when they were students or working their first jobs for low pay.
I actually like it when some one mentions gifts that they like receiving. Let’s face it, most people have just about everything they need. I always love receiving Starbucks gift card and theatre tickets because, it’s like a special treat for me. Happy Hoilday.
It was a family member noting back around 2001 that she was upset that a gift she had give another family member had been re-gifted. It was then that as a family we ALL had a serious discussion about giving a gift that was wanted, versus giving a gift because a) we felt we needed to give a gift b) was something 'we' wanted and assumed the recipient would as well. Personally, whomever came up with the idea of Visa gift cards, THANK YOU! Ho friend or family member has complained that I give them a Visa gift card, along with the persons favorite candy, food item.
I typically get something from one friend something that she likes. No amount of discussion has changed it. So now I have an overstuffed Christmas gnome and a gift card to a store I never shop at.
Our small family know that we appreciate gift vouchers for Amazon, craft shops or supermarkets. It’s the gift that keeps on giving and gives us great pleasure to say what we have bought with it throughout the year - from socks to paints! Nothing is wasted and always useful. In fact one of the items I bought was a earring making set. This is therapeutic for mindfulness and this Christmas I have managed to raise £200 for a local charity - that’s the gift that keeps on giving.
Excellent video. Thank you, Joshua. No need to make a big deal about it. I always keep a box in my garage for donations. There have been many times I've come home from work with gifts from co-workers and immediately put the give in the donate box. I appreciate that they thought of me, but I'm not required to keep anything that I won't use or don't need. One year, a lot of people gave me homemade cookies and candy. I saved them all up and arranged it all on a plate and took it to my family gathering. It was all appreciated and eaten.
As a newbie in this journey and lifestyle, few people knew about my being minimalist. I am glad that somehow they understood and respect it. They know I still have a lot of things to remove and substitute. This holiday, I specifically told them what I needed. All of the things I told them to give me are consumable, things I will and can use everyday or it can be food that I like too. They know that I don't want to add more things around me. The lists I gave them as their gifts for me has made their life easier as well because they don't need to think anymore what to buy. In return, I also try to know what they like to receive from me too because some of them also do not Ike more things inside their house too.
@@Jeca6280 Yes. I asked them food too like kerrygold butter (it's expensive here where I am), or it may be pizza, cake or sack of rice. For non-food, I specifically asked for bath soap and shower bath gels, several bottles of alcohol, or T-shirts because I want to have my personal uniform soon and I told them I want either black, dark gray or white T-shirt. And I received soaps, shower gels and alcohol and now I have lot of stocks of soap until few months.
The month or two before Christmas, I start writing down my shopping list as things break, or mascara runs out, or I want to try something new. I live without these for the month or two, but have a great list of things I want/need to give my family!
Sensitive topic, well covered. Few other options, if acceptable - 1. donating to a charity of ur liking on ur behalf, 2. Buy investment medium e.g. a blue chip stock or a good dividend paying stock etc.
This year I am giving spices to my siblings as a family gift. My daughter and son-in-law and granddaughters are getting a membership to the zoo. My son is getting a membership to the Aquarium. Thanks for sharing your inspirational thoughts. I really enjoy listening to you . I wish your family and you a Merry Christmas filled with wonderful memories 🎄
Many years ago, my Mom said she didn't want any gifts. I soon learned that my Mom likes donations in her honor. I have been giving $75-100 for each of the following occasions: Mom's Day, her birthday and Christmas. She volunteers at her local small town library every Friday and loves to be able to give the checks I send to her in the library's name to her on celebratory days.
This year, I asked for a Dutch oven, a resqme car tool, and Joshua’s book “The Minimalist Home.” Practical and things I really want 😌 Point #4 is spot on 👏🏻👏🏻
This is great advice. I’m finding that people are generally respecting my ‘no gifts’ rule, especially when I’m not giving gifts. We donate to a local food hub and don’t put limits on our celebration. I get fancy cheeses and buy what everyone wants to eat and enjoy it together. We also do stockings for fun. Merry Christmas to you and your family!
Notes from the video When making a list, prioritize 1) Experiences over possessions 2) Needs over wants 3) Consumables over nonconsumables 4) Quality over quantity
Hi Joshua, Christmas blessings to you and your family from Toronto 🇨🇦 Thank you for being such a bright light for all of us! Your channel has really helped my family and I on our minimalism journey.
This is phenomenal advise - and a good reminder for me as I go into Christmas with family members who don't see me on a regular basis or my decluttering and intentional living over the past year.
We as a family used to buy more Xmas presents for the children. Now that they're a bit older (the oldest 17 and youngest 6), I just ask them what they want/need and only end up with one item for each child + some candy and that is all. We don't buy stuff for anyone else and it is SOOO much better this way, no stress and anxiety over NOTHING, just as it's supposed to be. Love your videos Joshua, haven't watched any in a long time cause I got no notifications from your channel 😔 now hopefully I'm back on track. Happy new year!
I have a December birthday and got some practice already - told my mom, girlfriend, and brother exactly what I wanted and got exactly that. My girlfriend showed thoughtfulness planning a surprise night out with some friends - an experience and good memories, not pointless stuff.
The problem comes when the gifts given to you that you don’t need or want are reminded to you constantly through the year and they expect to see you using them or wearing them so you can’t get rid of them, re gift them etc!!!
5) Say "thank you" and mean it. People have shown you care and love via those gifts. Whether it's the exact object you would have bought or wanted is irrelevant. Thank them for the sake of the love.
Absolutely love it especially love the one we suggest to make My brother asked me what I want for Christmas and first I said some wooden coat hangers that is something I do need but my other one was I needed a new raincoat Amar I just asked him I did give him a size And it’s been cool this year that my son who is six had I wrote him a list and it’s been nice that some of my family have listened and got him things off that little list Thank you again for always your insight and your reminders
Being older and retired, we are over trying to come up with a wow gift for each person. Our go-to for the past few years and going forward are gift cards that we get by using points on a credit card, and for the littles contribute to their 529 plans. We’ve also been giving away things that are no longer useful to us but still valuable, such as a diamond tennis bracelet that I gave to my daughter-in-law. I haven’t worn it for years (too fussy) and she’s always admired it. Win-win.
One of your points about valuing experiences over things has really stuck with me. I suggested to my husband that this Christmas instead buying each other gifts that we go on a little three day trip somewhere. We will take lots of pictures and put this adventure in our memory banks.
I'm watching the video! On the last point, I actually told my boss I was becoming a minimalist. 😅😂 I wanted people to know I don't need anymore clutter in my life.
For some reason year after year, I am given scarves and ornaments by a group of friends. Have tried suggesting something more practical but it is usually the same no matter what. After a period of time, I will probably go to another town/city and donate them. I appreciate their caring, but have enough scarves to last me a long time! Happy Christmas to you and your family. 🇳🇿
Moving and donating sounds good. I’m not going to move ever again, so unfortunately not an option for me. I get crocheted dolls/animals from my MIL (like bunnies for Easter and angels for Christmas) and keep collecting them as I don’t want to clutter my house with this stuff. I already have a big box full of dolls. I appreciate that she put so much time and work in them and I don’t want to hurt her feelings, so I keep them. Decorate with one or two when she visits… Sounds really bad, but if one day she won’t be with us anymore I will donate them.
Thank you Joshua for the ideas. I have been stumped this Christmas. I'm trying to have a more minimal Christmas this year and it's even harder being a parent to 2 young kids.
Making a list is great, one could make a long list and tell the love one, pick one and surprise me with your choice. I love getting those odd weird but most time useful items that I would not have thought of. Once I was gifted a small blue stone box, I love it, I have had it for 40 years. It sits in my bathroom as a earring catch and every time I see it, I think of the giver.
I don’t get frustrated with getting a gift that might not fit my needs as I can pass it on to someone else that can use it but it does annoy me when I’m given gifts that come with unnecessary plastic like selotape, glitter or other single use items that can’t be recycled.
Hi Joshua - Great topic today, and great plan of attack. Although I am trying to embrace less, I'll never be a minimalist, but less is always better with gift giving. I love of idea of giving an activity and not another thing (to take care of). You make me think - and I like that. Thanks for sharing and continued success and Happy Holidays. Love PegEgg
My family knows that i love hot chocolate from Starbucks but won't fork out the cash for it so they get together and get me a Starbucks card to use all year for my hot coco. My big sister's ship's me snacks like biscuits and Turkey jerky because she knows I won't spend my money on those luxuries since😊
Hi, almost 98% of the time gifts from certain family members are always donated to charity. The gift is typically a clothing item that is not something that will be used. I do believe that some people buy gifts for others because they get good deals on certain items and so the gift really can have more to do with the buyer than the recipient. This isn’t always provable but a theory I’ve come up with through the years after receiving multiple gifts from certain family that I do not like, want or need. Good tips on keeping a good perspective on receiving unwanted gifts. Merry Christmas!
I have a relative who gives us things that *they* love - and that have nothing to do with our needs or style! It's so bizarre but it gives me permission to say thank you and then send that gift right on to a friend who will like it or to donate it :D
This year our gifting is base on something we wanted but thought was was too expensive mostly replacing small appliances or special food we normally wouldn't buy. I give money to grandchildren so that keeps shopping to a minimum.
Great advice once again! This year we all got a new smart watch to keep track of our health and one present for a relative of 4 hand blown wine glasses that they need and that's our Christmas sorted! Wishing you and your family all the best over the holiday season and as always your hair is looking great!
Thanks for the great advice Joshua. I have thought long and hard for what I would like for gifts from my family. I have gone for practical things that I like . Are you planning a minimalist kick start video in the new year?
I sometimes find that the giver if gifts seems to do it for themselves rather than for the recipient. By this I mean, they feel good about themselves for giving a gift. To me, if someone says appreciatively that they would rather not have a gift, and the giver cares about them, they should respect that. I find it stressful to have to come up with a list of things someone can get me. I am thankfully able to take care of my needs, experience gifts are severely limited thanks to the pandemic, and I also feel pressure to try to keep the things to the giver’s budget. I also am the type to research things and spend more if necessary for quality, whereas the person who asks me for a gift list is more inclined to buy a bargain which often lacks quality and ends up being ineffective or breaking quickly. Then I also feel badly that I have so much that I can even have the luxury of complaining about being given things. All in all I find gift giving to be an increasingly stressful undertaking.
Not trying to be a bag humbug but I quit Christmas this year. It's nothing but retail stores I quit decorating too for it. Got rid of our Christmas tree last year and got rid of our Christmas hobby lobby decor this year gave it away didn't decorate for fall not doing it. I did something I never thought I would do get rid of most of my books and only kept our cookbooks a few months ago or several months ago don't miss them at all any of it. It's like when I got rid of my jewelry collection don't miss that either that's been close to ten years. Being minimalist has improved my life in so many ways
This is a great video and so true!! I tried the "you don't have to buy me anything" line, but it isn't working. Lol!! My husband, daughter and I like to do a family experience gift to all of us, and since my daughter is a teen girl, I will buy her a few things I know she won't buy herself.
The only problem I have a have is I still feel like sometimes I overcompensate This is one of my biggest things and I think one of my love language is giving I tried to get things more experience and something that someone actually needs
Haven't watched the video yet but I was wondering about this the other day. I guess I won't have that problem because I don't have anyone giving me gifts. 😅 I don't have family.
What about what do you do with the gifts you get that you know you won't use? Or if they were unexpected (so you couldn't provide them a list)? I always feel bad getting rid of a gift because I know they took the time to pick it out for me. But if it is adding more clutter or stress to my life, I feel like I need to get rid of it for my sanity. I just worry they'll ask where it is!!
Hate hate hate the idea of receiving gifts this Christmas. It’s making me so anxious. Last year I made an Amazon wish list and put the things I regularly buy anyway. But apparently they weren’t ‘gifts’. They weren’t the type of items one gives or receives for Christmas even though they were things I needed. This year I’ve stipulated a three gift limit with my family and it has to be an item from my list or a voucher. I’ve made abundantly clear that anything I don’t want or need is going straight to charity. The other day my sister says we’re going to play a game called Presents Raffle and that I have to bring spend £10 on 5 gifts and wrap them and bring them for the raffle. I’m having enough issues trying to buy actual gifts for people, without having to buy 5 more things. Worse still I hate the idea that I might win a £2 item I really don’t want in the raffle game and be forced to take that home. So I said No and if I look like a massive Grinch, so be it.
Yep, the gift portion is horrible. I’d like to enjoy it, one simple thoughtful gift for each person. I’d like that. But as is makes me sick to the stomach. And the more the person gifts unreasonably the harder they are to talk to about it. No idea how to navigate it. Maybe in a few decades I’ll figure it out.
@@sallyjom-cooper470sorry to hear you’re going through the same feelings I am. I’ve just had my birthday and now we’re gearing up to Christmas the anxiety is kicking in for me. I guess it’s just a case of reiterating again again and again what non-clutter gifts are and therefore what makes a good gift. I agreed with my Dad to buy flowers for my birthday. He’s bought me a plant that came with a big ceramic pot. He doesn’t get it. I will keep trying.
Well ppl just want to buy something in sales and give others! So as you said they don’t wanna change their habits due to their ego …. So it doesn’t work to give them list…. And I agree it isn’t the time to show our minimalism to them just like being vegetarian and sometimes it could be better to accommodate … Just give away to others or offer to charity
Most of the gifts people have given me in the past though is my current clutter. Stuff I don't need or use. Clothes that are too small. Jewellery I don't wear.
What do you do with a useless gift? I got a Christmas gnome. It's cloth so it cannot go outside. It was obviously something the giver liked, not my taste at all.
So much is done out of “tradition”, and guilt. I donate, or trash things that I don’t want. I give what I can afford, usually in the form of a consumable or gift card. I would never give someone a list, because I would not want to receive a request list. Communication is key. Ask questions. Where do you shop? What restaurants or coffee shops do you frequent? What is your favorite _____? Remember cash is king. 😉
Hey! That's a new The Hope Effect shirt. Looks great! Love what you do through your ministry. Edit: I should've noticed it earlier. Now I see it's in some of your other videos too.
